The Puzzle Of Abuse – Part 2 of 2

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.

What do you do when your marriage ends due to abuse in the home? There is a source of healing for the deep wounds of the soul. Jesus can reach out a healing hand, and since He Himself was rejected while on earth, He knows what rejection and abuse are all about. Today, the path to personal healing when abuse has taken its toll.

From the Moody Church in Chicago, this is Running to Win with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Pastor Lutzer, are you teaching that when abuse reaches a certain point, that divorce is the only safe option, even for believers? You know, Dave, I want to say this, that each situation is different. That's why I encourage people to go to their pastor, to go to a counselor. But certainly there are times when couples have to separate, and sometimes that separation has to take the form of divorce.

It's a very sensitive issue, it's a very critical issue, but the simple fact is this, as I like to emphasize, if you're being abused, go for help. I want to emphasize that today is the last day we are making these messages available for you in book form. The title of the series is The Marriage Puzzle, and of course this book also has some questions and some links to these messages. I cannot emphasize enough how critical this series of messages is at this particular point, with marriages in deep trouble. I hope that you have a pen or pencil so that you can write this down.

Go to RTWOffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. Now because this is the last day, I'm going to be giving you that contact info again, but I hope that God leads you to receive this material, which I believe is so critical for today. The genealogy of Jesus was suspect, and you see, because of that, he was a root out of dry ground. You wouldn't expect Messiah to be born in a genealogy that contains the harlot Rahab, and then you have of course also Uriah, his wife Bathsheba and David, and you wouldn't expect that.

A root out of dry ground. Who is he? Can any good thing come out of Nazareth? So he was rejected because of his background. He was rejected also because of his appearance. You'll notice it says in the middle of verse two, he has no form or majesty that we should look at him. He didn't come looking like a king. And then it says this, and there is no beauty that we should desire him. I love Jesus, but I want to tell you frankly that there's no evidence in scripture that Jesus was handsome or that he was striking in his appearance.

He was very, very ordinary. There was no beauty that we should desire him. I mean, if you talk to him, I'm sure that his beauty came out and you realize that you weren't talking just to a human being, but in the run of things, he was not, he was not the most handsome person. He wasn't the one that you would choose.

There's no beauty that we should desire him. He was also rejected because he was a man of sorrows. You'll notice verse three, a man of sorrows. After all, who wants to be around a man of sorrows? We want to be around people who are happy, happy, happy, happy, but he's a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

And that's why we sing man of sorrows. What a name for the son of God who came ruined the sinners to reclaim. Hallelujah. What a savior. What a savior. And so for these reasons Jesus was rejected. Now he was abused.

He was rejected. Now I want us to look at the burden that he carried. And for this, you know, we'll go of course to verse four. Only he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. Yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted, wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our inequities. Wait a moment.

What's happening here? Look at Jesus there in the garden. Look at his sorrows. Look at his grief. Is that his grief? No, that's my grief. That's your grief.

He's dying for us in our place. You'll notice it says he was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities, crushed for our iniquities. What about that iniquity? What about those transgressions? Those weren't his transgressions. Those were my transgressions.

Those are your transgressions. He was dying for sinners. He was dying for us. That's what Jesus was doing.

That's why Rembrandt, when he painted his wonderful picture, the raising of the cross, he painted himself as one of the people crucifying Jesus. And that was theologically right. We are in this text. I was there when they crucified my Lord. I was there. I'm there in the text. My transgressions, my sorrows.

He bore all that. No wonder we have dysfunctional families. Look at what it says in verse seven. It says, well, let's look at verse six. All we like sheep have gone astray. We've turned everyone to his own way.

The Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. You know, sheep, they'll be going along and they'll be following the shepherd and one sheep is following the other. And one ornery sheep gets off the track and goes in this direction. All the other ones follow.

And that's the way it was in some of your homes. The father got off the track and to drink and immorality and, and the whole family began to take that direction. We've all scattered, but the good shepherd is there. By the way, always be impressed with the accuracy of scripture. You'll notice it says here, the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. There was no iniquity in Jesus. You'll never find that in the Bible, but iniquity was laid on him. God reckoned my iniquity and my sin and my shame and he laid it on Jesus so that his grief, his sorrow and his shame and his iniquity was all mine. And if you have the faith to believe it, it was also yours.

Well, how does this relate to the subject of abuse? Notice that the Bible says by his stripes we are healed. I'm in the last part of verse five. The chastisement that brought us peace, the kind of sacrifice that was needed to bring us peace that was upon him and with his stripes we are healed. Some people think this means that we can have physical healing whenever we want it. Physical healing was included, but we won't get all the blessings until the day of resurrection when we are finally healed. There's a healing from sin, which is paramount in the Psalms as well as in Isaiah, the healing of the soul. And that also will never be completed until we're with Jesus. But we begin the journey here, and that's what I'm interested in mentioning to you.

So looking at this particular passage of scripture, we ask ourselves its relevance. First of all, remember this, Jesus bore, Jesus bore what you and I can't bear. He bore what you and I can't bear. We can't, I can't bear my sin, iniquities and my shame. I can't do that. If I were to do that, I'd suffer in hell forever and the process would never end.

And you can't do it either. So Jesus comes along as a savior and he bears what we can't, our sorrows. And in Hebrews chapter 12 verse 2, it also says that he bore our shame. It says he scorned shame.

I love that phrase. Jesus said to shame, shame, shame on you. Jesus bore our shame so that we could go free and so that we no longer have to be captivated by it in the shadows.

Now listen carefully. An abuser wants to share his shame. He wants to give you his shame. So you're brought up in an alcoholic home and you bear the shame of your father and the shame of your relationships and all that, that are passed on to you. Listen, you're not Jesus.

You're not Jesus. Don't take upon your shoulders the shame of someone else. Jesus is the savior and you let him bear people's shame, but you don't because shame will hold you bound. Shame will keep you in the shadows and shame will shackle you.

And the shame that you feel going for help and the fear that you have of your abuser if you go for help, that has to be cast aside. Here at the Moody church, we want an atmosphere where it's okay for people to say, look at my past. Look at the marvelous testimony that we've just listened to. I am broken. I need healing.

Here I am. Come out of your shame. Come out of your shame because of Jesus.

Rodney clap has written this. Does shame bind us? Jesus was bound. Does shame destroy our reputation? The Bible says he is despised and rejected of men. Does shame reduce us to silence? He is led as a lamb to the slaughter and as a sheep before his shearers is silent.

So he opens not his mouth. Does shame expose our apparent weaknesses? Oh, he saved others himself.

He cannot save the multitudes mocked Jesus. Does shame lead to abandonment? My God, my God, the why has thou forsaken me? Does shame diminish us?

He was crucified naked, exposed for gawkers to see. Jesus bore our shame. Don't you take someone else's shame.

Just deal with your own and expose it to Jesus. This past week I read about a woman in a neighborhood abusing a boy in the neighborhood beginning at the age of three and after sexually abusing him, she would chide him and shame him for his, the fact that he didn't have his clothes on. Now that woman is evil, but let me tell you a couple of things. First, first of all, that boy needs to know that the shame that he feels is not his does not have to feel that shame. He's bearing the shame of an evil woman, but someone go find that evil woman.

Someone trace her down, go into a hobble, a go where she lives and find her and tell her that she can come to Jesus too and have her shame taken away. Somebody tell the people out there, the abusers and the abused that we have a real savior for real sinners. Jesus just didn't die for people who committed nominal sins. You know, the sins of the boys and the girls in fine Christian homes.

Oh no, no, no, no. A savior like that won't do for Chicago. A savior like that won't do for the abuse in our homes. As Luther says, we have a savior who comes to save us from damnable inequities so that woman too can stand at the foot of the cross and her shame can be taken away because we have a real savior for real sinners. And so what we need to do is to understand today folks that the shame that binds us has to be cast off. We have to come to the light and all of us have done things of which we have been ashamed and Jesus shamed shame.

Notice that he bore what we can't. Secondly, his abuse brought about our forgiveness. His abuse brought about our forgiveness.

You see when it says he was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities. It was because of that that Jesus said, you can now be forgiven and you can be set free. What wonderful news of the gospel reconciled to God reconciled to others as far as it is possible.

There are some people with whom you can't reconcile, but reconciled with one's self. You'll notice it says the chastisement that brought us peace. The chastisement that brought us peace was upon him so that you can make peace with the past so that you can know you can be reconciled to God. And in this large audience today, there is some of you who have never been reconciled to God. You've listened to the gospel over and over again, maybe, but you've never understood that what you need to do is to come to Christ. I'm urging you come to Jesus by whose stripes we are healed. Our sin is taken away. Our souls are restored. The process of recovery begins there in the presence of the cross. And some of you need to receive Christ as savior. And I really do believe that in a few moments you're going to, because the Holy Spirit of God is going to be speaking to you and already is. And you know who you are, don't you? As a matter of fact, in a few moments, all of us are going to have the opportunity of praying with others.

And I'll be explaining that in a moment. But right now I want you to let the Holy Spirit of God speak to you and to know that we have an abused savior for abused people, but he was raised from the dead triumphant and he has borne our iniquities, our sorrows, and he heals our souls, diseases, bearing shame and scoffing rude in my place condemned these stood sealed my pardon with his blood. Hallelujah.

What a savior. Finally, it is because of this reconciliation. It is because of this reconciliation that having been forgiven, having our shame washed away, we can now in turn forgive others. It's necessary to be healed folks.

Whether you are one who has been abused or you're an abuser, forgiveness is necessary. Someone gave me this story in a seminary classroom, a professor whom we will call brother Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons. This day was no exception on the wall. He placed a big target and on a nearby table were many darts, arrows. Brother Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone they disliked or someone they actually hated.

Then he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. One lady drew a picture of a girl who had stolen her boyfriend. Another drew a picture of a man who had mistreated her. Several drew pictures of those who had abused them. All of the students found someone they hated and they did so very quickly.

For some, the challenge was to limit it to one among so many. The class lined up and began throwing darts with much laughter and hilarity. Some of the students through their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart.

Just then brother Smith interrupted the students and removed the target from the wall. Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus. Holes and jagged marks covered his face. His eyes were pierced out. Brother Smith said simply, in as much as you have done it to the least of these my brethren, you've done it to me. No other words were necessary as tears filled the eyes of the students. They could not take their eyes off the picture, the mangled picture of Jesus.

Even after the bell, they sat in their seats until one slowly left and then another. My friend, every abuse you ever hurl, whether it's verbal, physical, sexual, you're hurting Jesus. You mistreat your wife, you are hurting Jesus. You can sling those arrows.

You can take those darts. But it's Jesus whom you're hurting. And it is the same Jesus who invites the abuser and the abused to come and to say, let me take your shame away. Let me take your sin away. Let, let's shine light on this situation so that there can be healing.

See, that's why we do sing, don't we? Hallelujah. What a savior.

What a savior. Would you pray now with me please? Our father, I ask in the name of Jesus that you might grant to your people, that you might grant to your people the freedom to seek out prayer and that we all might humble ourselves and know that we need the prayer of others. We need the acknowledgement that we need you for those who've never trusted Christ. May they do that for others.

We ask for them as well. In Jesus name. Amen.

Amen. Well my friend, this is pastor Lutzer and I can't help but think that these messages entitled the marriage puzzle have spoken to an awful lot of people. It may have impacted your marriage and certainly these messages are needed in marriages that you know about. And today is the last day we are making this resource available for you. It's these messages in written book form. There are questions, there are links to these messages.

It's an opportunity for you to do a study, to read them again and again, share them with your friends. Here's what you do. Go to rtwoffer.com.

I'm giving you time so that you can get a pen or pencil to write this down because remember this is the last day. Go to rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. And when you connect with us, I want to thank you in advance for helping us financially because of people just like you, the gospel goes to millions of people. Remember the title of the series, the marriage puzzle.

Go to rtwoffer.com or pick up the phone and call us at 1-888-218-9337. What we've done in this series of messages is to address issues that are very important, issues that are tearing our marriages apart. I think that that's why this book is going to be such a blessing and a help.

Once again, go to rtwoffer.com. It's time now for another chance for you to ask Pastor Lutzer a question about the Bible or the Christian life. Sometimes marriages have to weather some really tough storms. An anonymous husband has written asking for help.

Here's his story. Because of surgery, my wife has lost all interest in sexual intimacy, but my desires have not changed. I don't want to sin mentally, so what should I do? We love each other and divorce is out of the question. I'm heavily involved in Bible study and the church. Dr. Lutzer, what's your advice?

Well, my brother, a couple of comments. First of all, I'm sure that you've talked to your wife about this many times, but maybe you need to speak to her again because biblically she does have an obligation to you. The Apostle Paul makes that clear in 1 Corinthians. So maybe even though at this point she has absolutely no interest, it is very important for you to discuss it, to talk about it, and maybe there is a way that the two of you can accommodate each other. Now having said that, I do need to emphasize that if you go through life from this point on without sexual intimacy, millions of people have had the same experience as you have. There are those who have never married, who have desired marriage.

There are those who, because they are widows or widowers, do not have the opportunity of any kind of sexual contact, and they survive. Now you say to yourself, well, you're struggling with lust in your mind. I can understand that, but at the same time I've always taken the position that God gives us as many resources as we need to glorify Him in the midst of our situation. I'm glad to read that you are involved in church, you are involved in Bible study. Those are the kinds of directions and vocations and emphases that you need to continue to follow. But at the same time, give yourself, your marriage to God, and remember God is with you, others have persevered and been victorious in the same state where you find yourself and keep moving on. Don't let this become a stumbling block in your walk with God. Thank you, Pastor Lutzer, for your answer to his question. If you'd like to hear your question answered, go to our website at rtwoffer.com and click on Ask Pastor Lutzer, or call us at 1-888-218-9337.

That's 1-888-218-9337. You can write to us at Running to Win, 1635 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, IL 60614. Running to Win comes to you from the Moody Church in Chicago.

How do you get the best return on your money? Next time, we begin a series on the benefits of investing for eternity. Plan to join us. Thanks for listening. For Pastor Erwin Lutzer, this is Dave McAllister. Running to Win is sponsored by the Moody Church.