Dads In Charge – Part 2 of 2

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. Rising crime and divorce rates bear sad testimony to families with poor male role models, or none at all. It's vital that dads lead their families in the right direction.

The next generation depends on it, and right now the outlook is grim. Stay with us. From the Moody Church in Chicago, this is Running to Win with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Pastor Lutzer, can the local church have an impact on issues like fatherlessness? Dave, the answer to the question is yes, and we can be so grateful for so many ministries that are to help the family. And of course, the apostle Paul talks about the family of God.

And so often I remember here at the Moody Church, there were people who came to us from broken homes, and they found among us that sense of belonging, that sense of family. But Christmas is around the corner, and I'm holding in my hands a book entitled The First Songs of Christmas, a 31-day Advent devotional. Did you know that the angels' song that we've all heard so often, we sing it at Christmas, glory to God in the highest, did you know that there were really two songs, one sung by one angel, and then a multitude of the heavenly host? What Nancy Lee DeMoss does is she touches our heart as she goes back into history, helping us to better explain and to understand the songs of Christmas. It's a great devotional. It will prepare your heart for the great day as we celebrate Christmas together. Here's what you can do. Go to RTWOffer.com.

That's RTWOffer.com, or call us at 1-888-218-9337. Ask for The First Songs of Christmas. As I was thinking of the power of the family, I'd like to give you three objects, three objects that will help us define the power of the family. The first object that I want to mention is that we are a mirror, a mirror. You know, the way in which the children perceive themselves, the way in which the wife perceives herself is dependent on how we perceive them. A child will think of himself in terms of how his father thinks of him. If his father honors him, encourages him, stands by his side, he'll see himself as valuable and having an ally in a very cruel world. If the father sees the child as a nuisance, as someone who just takes his money because he has to be fed and clothed, if he sees his son as someone who is intruding on his time, his son or his daughter, can you even imagine the impact that that has on a child? The child perceives himself to be what the father perceives him to be. After all, embedded in the heart and mind of a child is this, dad must be right. And if he's abusive, I must deserve what I'm getting. Oh, father, you're a mirror.

Reflect back to your family positive images of encouragement and help and stand with them. Another way to describe it is that you're a thermostat. What temperature is your home going to be at? There's some homes where there is just chaos and there is arguing. I remember talking to a guy who said that every disagreement in our house ended up in a fight. But where was dad? Where was dad saying we have to honor one another, we have to respect one another, we have to resolve conflict, we have to love one another.

And modeling it in his own life and in his own relationship with his wife and kids, where is that father? Because he's the thermostat. And whether your home is a cold place where secrets have to be kept and where they have to be stuffed into the soul and where shame is often used for motivation.

In a home like that, dad, you're accountable because you and I are the thermostat. So another way and that is to say that we also are a compass. A compass, are we going in the right direction?

Are we leading our families correctly to more spiritual understanding and a great sense of direction and leadership so that the family knows they can depend on dad? Now I'm going to ask you to turn to another passage. This is one that if we do not understand, we will always have tension in the home, we will have tension among ourselves, and it is very instructive as to what God thinks of family conflict. It's found at the end of the Old Testament, the book of Malachi, not the book of Malachi like a friend of mine thought it should be pronounced.

I won't tell you what country he was from. But the book of Malachi in chapter 4, this is what it says in verses 5 and 6. Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the land with a decree of utter destruction. God says if our homes are not reconciled, if fathers are not restored to their children and children to their fathers, it is an ultimate judgment. What does that say to us here in America? What does it say to us as a nation where our homes are crumbling and where the attacks against the family are everywhere, especially in the media and even among our politicians? Where does that leave us?

We should weep for our families. Now I promised you that I was going to give you steps that you can take. No matter where you are as a father or as someone who isn't a father, you're a single, you're a teenager, whether you're a man or a woman, it makes no difference what steps must all of us take to fulfill this verse.

Let me give them to you very simply. Step number one is we must be reconciled to our own fathers. We must be reconciled to our own fathers. You say, reconciled to my father. My father left the home, you say.

I'm thinking of a little girl. Let's take a moment to feel the pain. She's about eight years old and her father comes into her bedroom and says, you know, I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm going to live with somebody else.

But don't worry, I'll come and visit you from time to time. The little girl is dissolving in tears. The father walks out of the room and that's the last time the little girl sees her daddy.

It's happening all over America in different ways all the time. So you're saying, what do you mean by being reconciled to your own father? You can be reconciled to your own father without his permission or involvement. For some of you, you need to be reconciled to a father who has long since died and you are still bearing within yourself the effects of how he parented you. So how do we go about being restored to our parents, especially our father? First of all, number one, accept reality and the truth. Just accept it. I have here a story of a young man who writes to his brother and says, as for your concern about dad, that's a big issue.

I don't know where to start. I can tell you that I've spent a long time in therapy dealing with it and I'm just now getting to some closure on it. It has affected me a great deal and I know that for sure. Dad's not going to change. I have a hard time accepting that I've spent my life setting myself up to receive some little acknowledgement or blessing only to be disappointed each time somewhere along the way.

I stopped trying. I'll always miss him though there will always be a hollow place inside of me where love and acceptance from him should have been. This I can never change. He has to make peace with his father.

He's taken the first step in accepting reality. It is so hard for children who've gone through a difficult experience with a father. Now, of course, I hope that many of you as you listen to this say, I had a good father. I had a good father, an imperfect father because all fathers are woefully imperfect, but a good father. But you say, well, pastor Lutzer, mine was an alcoholic. Mine was abusive.

Mine was distant. Mine left the family and on and on it goes. You must make peace with your father. You must face the reality because remember whatever you don't forgive, you pass on.

Wow. All right. Number one, then you face the reality. Number two, you mourn the loss. It's okay to cry about your past if that's what you need to do and you cry and the reason that you cry is because it could have been so different.

There were longings that you had as a child that were never fulfilled. You can weep over those. Feel free to weep. You know, if you lost an arm, we wouldn't criticize you for crying.

Some of you, God bless you. My heart aches for you because you've lost your childhood as a result of your father. And so as a result of that, you face the loss and you accept it and recognize that things will not change.

It is what it is despite the pain. And then what you choose to do is you really do choose to forgive and lay it down. And how do you and I forgive? Our standard is we want to forgive others even as Jesus forgave us. Aren't you glad for the fact that Jesus freely forgave us?

Isn't that wonderful? Is it not our responsibility to forgive as we're forgiven with or without our father's cooperation? We hope that there can be reconciliation, but in many instances there can't be. And so what we choose to do is to say, no longer am I going to be defined by my pain. Now I'm going to speak to you candidly. Pretend I'm not speaking to a large crowd as I am today, but rather you're in my office and we're looking at each other eye to eye just between us.

This is what I would say. It's so important that when you think about the past that you not focus on the fact that all of your wounds have to be healed. My wounds have to be healed. You see, the problem is with you and with me, we feel our wounds much more keenly than we feel our sin.

Therefore, we don't necessarily see that the real issue God has in mind, the real issue he has in mind, my friend, is holiness, a pursuit of God with or without healing, I should say. So I was preparing this message. I was reminded of a time when I had the opportunity to speak and I did at one time speak many times during the promise keeper era. And I was speaking to a large stadium of 10 or 15,000 people and I was explaining all this to them and then I gave an invitation. Hundreds of men came forward, hundreds, I don't know how many. But I remember all throughout the front, men were weeping and crying up to God and I remember one man who was sitting in this part or standing in this part of the crowd and he kept saying, Dad, I forgive you.

Dad, I forgive you. And I hope and pray that that was the beginning for those men to finally come to realize that their past should not define them. And even if some left with still their wounds, that they should know that they could be men of God no matter how they were parented because we've learned in the first message that wherever sin abounds, there's also grace alongside of sin. You know, you look at the Old Testament and the New Testament there are very few examples of great parenting.

There are some. But just think of Abraham. Now remember, his parents were pagans. And I think by God's grace and sovereignty, he turned out pretty good actually.

I think of Moses, for example, he was raised by a single woman, the princess, who was a sun worshiper. And look at what God did through Moses. You know, the Old Testament, there's a man by the name of Ahaz. He was not a righteous king by any stretch of the imagination. And yet Ahaz, who did evil in the sight of the Lord, he is a son by the name of Hezekiah. And the Bible says that Hezekiah walked in all the ways of the Lord and served the Lord all the days of his life. And you say, wait a moment.

I mean, look at his father. If you have the faith to believe it, I encourage you to step out today and believe and trust God that you can be reconciled to your father and your past need not define your future because God is a God of grace. It might be unrealistic for me to give an invitation here today as was given at Promise Keepers, but I can't help but think that out in the balcony and listening by other means over the Internet and the radio, there would be hundreds of people, maybe thousands, who say this message is for me. I am sick and tired of pursuing healing for my wounds as if that's the greatest goal.

The greatest goal is to glorify God and to seek Him. And despite all your imperfections and your inadequacies, who knows what God will do when you step out in faith and say, Lord, help me to be the father that I should be. So that's a message for all of us, isn't it? We all have to be reconciled to our parents, boys, girls, men, women. But now I'm speaking to the fathers once again directly.

Suppose you've done that. What is the next step that you as a father should do? Well, the next step is restoration, the restoration of broken relationships. Dad, you have to take the initiative here. You know, the Bible says in First Peter chapter three, verse seven, husbands dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto them as being the weaker vessel so that your prayers will not be hindered.

What hinders prayer? Unresolved relationships. Dad, you have to take the initiative. I hope it's okay that I give a personal illustration. One time one of our daughters wrote me a letter and indicated what she appreciated about growing up in our home and specifically about me. And it wasn't about the fact, Dad, I just love those sermons that you preached.

Or, you know, I read your books. No, she said the thing that stands out most is that whenever I was wrong, I would be quick to go to them and ask their forgiveness. And I was wrong many times.

Inconsistent discipline, discipline and anger, blaming the wrong child. I'll tell you, I've done it all. And so do you. What children are looking for is an honest dad who'll say, I have wronged you. I have not done right by you. I ask your forgiveness. Begin there because the text says fathers to children, children to fathers, lest I strike the earth with a curse, as one translation put it.

We're dealing here with huge issues within the family. And then, of course, concentrate on the fatherhood of God. The Bible says that he is a father to the fatherless.

Now there's a promise you can hang on to. And David said, even when my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will pick me up. God is our father if we know Christ as savior. One of the most beautiful words in the English language, I think, is the word father. I also like the word dad. I love to send my kids a card, or if I email them, I always sign a dad. And I love the word dad. What an honor. And remember, we have a father in heaven, and we cry up and we say, Abba, Father, a term of endearment.

Is there anything more precious than that? That's whom you pursue. You pursue God. Jesus, in fact, taught us to pray. Did he not our father who art in heaven?

Hallowed be thy name. And he revolutionized even the understanding of the Old Testament by affirming such incredible intimacy. Jesus also gave an example of God the Father by telling a parable about a boy who ran away from home. The father welcomed him back without a lot of questions.

He said, bring a ring and put it on his hand and shoes on his feet and give him a robe and bring hither the fatted calf and kill him. For this my son was dead and is alive. He's lost and is found. That's exactly what God will do for you today if you come to Jesus Christ.

He'll be welcomed into his family. But you have to come through Jesus because he's the only one who's a Savior who died that we might be converted and that we might be able to be forgiven and stand perfectly before God. God is able to change your circumstances by changing you and me for willing to give him our hearts. Are you weary? Jesus said, come on to me, all ye who are weary and heavy laden.

And I'll give you rest. And even your family can experience that rest in Christ because God is our Father. Would you join me as we pray? Our Father, as we have looked over the responsibilities, how we deeply repent because all of us have been such imperfect fathers, all of us. But Father, we cleave to you and to your grace and to your mercy. Before I close this prayer, I'm talking now to the congregation. How many are there out there who say, Pastor Lutzer, I think this message is for me. I have some business to do within my family. Could you raise your hands, please?

Even in the balcony. Many of you have raised your hands. Many of you who should have perhaps haven't. Father, whatever you've told us today, help us to be obedient. And we pray that many may be able to say our Father who is in heaven. We pray in his blessed name.

Amen. Well, my friend, it's almost Christmas time. Aren't you glad that our Father in heaven sent Jesus to redeem us? What do you think about when the word Christmas comes to mind? I don't know about you, I've lived through many Christmases. And I can tell you this, every time I think of the season coming, my heart is warmed all over again.

The idea that God was a baby and that God was in Christ reconciling the world unto himself, we can't hear that too often, can we? I'm holding in my hands a book by Nancy DeMoss Walgamuth entitled The First Songs of Christmas, a 31-Day Advent Devotional. I want you to have a copy of this book before December 1st so that you can read a devotional a day. Now, the first songs of Christmas, of course, they involve Zachariah's song, the angel's song, Simeon's song, of course, Mary's song, Elizabeth's song.

What Nancy DeMoss Walgamuth does is she not only goes back into history showing how biblically based these songs were, how they were directed toward God, and how they gave God glory. Now, for a gift of any amount, this book can be yours. Be sure to order your copy today.

Here's what you can do. Go to rtwoffer.com, or if you prefer, you can call us at 1-888-218-9337. Fan the flame within your heart as you think about the coming of Christmas and the birth of our blessed Savior, Jesus Christ. Go to rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. And thanks in advance for helping us, because even as we approach the Christmas season, we are renewing our own commitment to get the gospel of Jesus Christ to as many as we can. You can write to us at Running to Win, 1635 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois, 60614.

Running to Win is all about helping you find God's roadmap for your race of life. The Supreme Court says the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. There's no doubt marriage is under attack. Some say, why marry? Living together is becoming the norm. Next time, why marriage as an institution is so important. Don't miss what marriage is and isn't. For Dr. Erwin Lutzer, this is Dave McAllister. Running to Win is sponsored by the Moody Church.