Rebuilding The Foundations – Part 2 of 2

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. The foundation of any society is the family, because families produce the next generation. Making marriage work lies at the bedrock, and this requires understanding the roles and responsibilities of husband and wife.

Today, more on those roles. Stay with us. From the Moody Church in Chicago, this is Running to Win with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Pastor Lutzer, as you teach about rebuilding the foundations, it's clear they're almost at the breaking point in our culture.

Dr. Erwin Lutzer Yes, Dave, unfortunately, you are correct. We are at the breaking point, and we certainly see the results in our culture. We see so much violence. We see young people growing up in homes that have been torn apart by every conceivable evil force you can imagine.

And yet, at the same time, God does give grace, and we can thank him for the many families in America totally committed to Christian values, raising children for the honor and the glory of God. Well, let me switch gears for a moment, because Christmas is not too far away, and we're making a very special resource available to you. It's a new book by Nancy DeMoss Walgamuth. It's entitled The First Songs of Christmas, a 31-Day Advent Devotional.

At the end of this broadcast, I'm going to be giving you some information as to how this can be yours for a gift of any amount. But for now, let's go back and think about those foundations and remember how important it is that in a nation that has lost its way, we regain the importance of the family. I'll tell you, I don't use the word fool often, but I am today. You know, I'm in a good mood.

You notice that today? I'm on a roll. I'm just going to keep going and then pick up the pieces later. Husband, you are a fool if you do not communicate with your wife about important decisions that need to be made. I'll tell you something.

God, yeah, you can even clap if you want here. God often has led me through the wisdom of Rebecca. While I have ultimate responsibility for her and the kids before God, she is a wise woman.

And furthermore, not only is she a wise woman, whom God has often used to give us guidance, but the Bible talks about a kind of submission about meeting people's needs. I have to say this about Rebecca, that in the years that we have been married, she has spent a lot more time and energy meeting my needs than I have meeting hers, and I say that to my shame. But you know, there are couples today where they're not meeting each other's needs.

They're not caring. You know, I've met husbands or wives and my husband doesn't care. We live under the same roof, but we're not together in anything. And by the way, the division of responsibility in the Bible between husbands and wives, fathers and mothers is not entirely clear, and that's for a purpose because every family is different.

You know, for example, you know, does she always do the cooking? Well, I thought I'd just throw this out here at no extra cost, but you know when Abraham and Sarah, when they had visitors, and by the way, Sarah called Abraham, Lord. Still waiting for... I'm an old man.

I've not heard it yet. Sarah called Abraham, Lord. And you know what? When the visitors came, Abraham was out there helping her prepare the meal.

They prepared it together. I thought I'd let that float out there. Rather than thinking about this is yours, this is yours.

Of course there has to be a division of labor, but why not do everything that you possibly can together? Now there's something else I have to say about this submission, since it's such a controversial word. It is a discerning submission, discerning. A wife does not say, even if my husband asks me to do something immoral or illegal, I have to do it.

Why? Because the wife, the Christian wife, realizes that she has an obligation to Jesus, which is even greater than the obligation to her husband. And so there are wives today around the world who are Christians whose husbands are totally opposed to their faith.

The wife shouldn't give up her relationship with Jesus, but she has to learn under the good hand of God and by grace how to exercise still her lively functions of support and being a helpmate even though she retains her faith. And that's one of the struggles that happens all around the world. And we must recognize that it's a discerning type of submission to God. Now the point to be made is simply this, that there is today a huge attack on the relationships that I've just been telling you about.

You know, then there's another attack. This attack against femininity and masculinity is so huge today that there have been people who have said, oh, you know, there's fundamentally no difference between a man and a woman. You know, if we gave little girls trucks, they'd just play like boys. And if we gave boys dolls, they'd be feeding them and they'd be caring for them.

Rebecca and I were at a meeting in Nashville a couple of months ago, and Dennis Prager was speaking about this, and he named a professor who believed that. And in order to test it, he decided that he would give these little girls some trucks just to prove that if they had trucks, they were going to act just like boys. So he came back a while later, and one of the little girls said, shh, shh, we put blankets on the trucks and they're sleeping.

I don't know about you, but there were three boys in our family. When we were given trucks, we didn't tuck them in for their afternoon nap. And if someone had given us a doll, we'd have probably ripped its head off to see what we were doing. But we didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't.

We didn't. And this massive attack where you have women trying to be like men and men being feminized is destroying our families in America today. Let me say that there is nothing as beautiful as masculinity, men being allowed to be men and women being allowed to be women without one thinking that they have to be like the other. And for those who would say that we should redefine the family where two men can be married, where a brother can marry his brother, because after all he's in love and incest rules do not apply since there's no procreation, I say with a broken weeping heart, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

They really don't know what it is that they are doing. Now, sin messes this up really badly. As a matter of fact, when we read the next chapter, Genesis 3, you know the whole story, okay? Adam and Eve sin. All right, now, what happens?

They're walking in the garden of the cool of the day. Does God say, Eve, did you eat the fruit of the tree, by the way? Uh-uh, sorry about that, guys, but look at here. It's in verse 9, not making it up. The Lord God called to the man and said, where are you? You have responsibility for your wife. And later on, and later on it says, because you have listened onto the voice of your wife, you're being judged. Now, I just told you that you should listen to the voice of your wife.

You should always be in communication, always making decisions together, but if she gives you some bad advice and tells you to sin against God, you have a responsibility to say no. Adam has the responsibility. And what happens is the Lord God asks Adam, have you eaten of the tree?

And what does he say? Oh God, am I guilty? I know I had responsibility for my wife. I'm guilty.

No, not a chance. It all began here, folks. The woman whom you gave me, this weak-willed woman, she took of the tree and then what's a guy supposed to do? She was eating.

He blamed his wife even though there wasn't a chance in the world that he had married the wrong one, okay? God comes to the woman and said, why did you eat? She's, the serpent beguiled me and I ate. It's there in the text. So the man blamed the woman, the woman blamed the serpent, and the serpent didn't have a leg to stand on. What happens next? Conflict is built right into marriage.

It's right here. It says in verse 16, last part of the verse, I will multiply your pain in childbearing. He's speaking to Eve. Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.

Many commentators believe that because of the ambiguity of the word for, it should really be against. Your desire will be against your husband and he'll rule over you. When he says black, you'll say white.

When he says blue, you'll say green. You will resent his leadership and you will chafe under it, but he will rule over you. And sometimes men rule badly. I mean, we're going to even deal with issues of abuse later on in this series. Sometimes men, but I mean, it's built right into the relationship. No wonder General Westmoreland, it is rumored lecturing to the troops at West Point, said to them, gentlemen, don't even think about getting married until you've mastered the art of warfare.

Do I have to repeat that for some of you? The fight is going to be built right into it. But conflict, marriage is going to be difficult. And the question is, do you want an escape hatch to get out of all the difficulties? You get two egotistical, self-centered people, all thinking that the other person's obligation is to make them happy and it's not working.

Or do you want to build character and all the rest? We'll talk about that later. But conflict built right into the marriage. That's why man said, I was married by a judge.

Now I wished I'd asked for a jury, you know. So conflict is going to be built right into the marriage relationship. God is going to expel them from the garden. You know why God expels them from the garden at the end of the chapter? There's no going back to paradise. See, I can imagine Adam and Eve saying to themselves, well, you know, why don't we just go back so that things will be like they once were?

My answer is, I'm sorry. God says you can't go back. In fact, if you hated that tree of life, you'd live forever as a sinner. I'm doing you a service by introducing death to get you out of the misery of sin.

So just know that that's actually death is a blessing to those who know the Lord to get out of this sinful life and all of its implications. And you can't go back, can you? If I may give you one more story, a friend of mine says that he loves to run his wedding videos backwards so that he can see himself backing out of the church a free man. But you can't redo it, can you?

We've all had experiences we wish for all the world that we could redo. But like a friend of mine says, there are many things that you can't put back into the bottle. But into the midst of this, God is going to introduce something. He's going to give a redeemer. That's what it says in verse 15.

Don't have time to go into the verse, but God is going to give us a redeemer. And furthermore, Adam and Eve, they sowed fig leaves to hide their shame, and it might have hid them from one another, but it couldn't hide them from God. And what does God graciously do?

You'll notice it says there in verse 21 of chapter 3, the Lord God made for Adam and his wife garments of skin and clothed them. You know what God is saying right out of the chute here? God is saying there's no cheap answer to sin.

God says blood has to be shed. You will be covered. Your sin will be covered. It will be taken away. But I just want you to know that fig leaves won't do it.

What you come up with isn't the answer. I'm the one that has to do it. I'm the one who has to clothe you. I will kill animals to give you skin, and someday there will be a redeemer by the name of Jesus, the Lamb of God, who will take away the sin of the world. And because of him, grace and mercy and forgiveness is going to be poured into families. Of course, you know what happened to Adam and Eve. They had a number of children. Their oldest son was Cain. Cain, in a real hissy fit, kills his brother Abel, because Abel was accepted by God, and Cain couldn't stand the jealousy and kills him.

And you thought that was the first dysfunctional family. Is that right? Oh, my.

Happened right here. But from now on in the Bible, wherever there is sin, there's going to be grace. When I talk about the man's role, for example, in marriage and the family, I'm going to point out to you that there are passages in the Bible where it says, so and so did evil in the sight of the Lord. I'm going to point out to you that there are evil in the sight of the Lord all his days. And then it says he had a son, and it'll name the son who walked in all the ways of the Lord and serve the Lord all of his life.

You read that and say, wow, how did that happen? Grace. God gives you grace today. You came from a family of abuse, a family of alcoholism, a family of divorce, and have been deeply, deeply wounded. You have an advantage over good families.

A kind of advantage. Not that I envy your situation, but and that is, you know that you need grace. You know that you have to cry up to God. There are tons of Christians today brought up in wonderful families, and they think, yeah, grace is kind of nice.

And why? Because everything's going so well. If it's not going well, you're a candidate for God's matchless grace. And furthermore, though, grace does not enter closed doors. You have to open your heart to grace. Can you trust God in a new way during this series of messages?

That years of bitterness and stuff stuffed in your soul that God can siphon it off and just begin to pour into your life grace, grace, God's grace that is greater than our sin? And if you will, would you join me as we pray? Our Father, we ask in the name of Jesus that you might grant to all of us listening ears to respond to whatever it is that we've learned today. We pray, Father, that immediately couples would begin to pray, either individually or together, for their children, for their families, for their relationship. We pray that you might help us to lay down the sins that create barriers. And for those who have never trusted Christ as Savior, may they believe on him even now. Blessed it is when our transgressions are forgiven and our sin is covered. We thank you in his name. Amen. And of course, my friend, when you think of how it is that our sins can be forgiven, our sins can be covered.

It's all because Jesus came on a rescue mission. And as we think about Christmas, which is just around the corner, we here at Running to Win are making available to you a very special gift. I think it will be a blessing to you. It'll be a blessing to all who read it. It's entitled The First Songs of Christmas, a 31-day Advent devotional. And it's written by a woman you've probably heard about. She has a marvelous ministry, Nancy Dimas Walgamuth.

Now, the first songs of Christmas have to do with Elizabeth's songs, Mary's song, Zachariah's song, the angel's song. For a gift of any amount, this book can be yours. Here's what you do. Go to rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. Now, because I want to make sure that you have this book in your hands when the month of December begins, I'm going to be giving you that contact info again. The book is First Songs of Christmas, a 31-day Advent devotional.

Each day you'll read it, you'll be encouraged, your heart will be stirred, and you'll be reminded of the blessed coming of Jesus Christ to redeem us from our sins. Be sure to call or connect with us right now right now. Here's what you do. Go to rtwoffer.com. That's rtwoffer.com. Of course, as you know, rtwoffer is all one word. rtwoffer.com or pick up the phone and call us at 1-888-218-9337.

That's 1-888-218-9337. It's time again for you to ask Pastor Lutzer a question about the Bible or the Christian life. When parents and their daughter disagree about marriage, trouble may be on the horizon. Emily from Illinois asks, I am a 24-year-old single lady. I'm self-employed and live at home with my parents. I grew up in a godly home, was taught the Bible, and was homeschooled. My parents have taught me and my sisters the importance of Proverbs 31, so I strongly believe in biblical marriage and believe that raising godly children is a very high calling for a wife and mother. The problem has come as my parents have only one goal for me, to marry and have children.

They believe a girl should stay at home with her parents under their authority until she marries and is placed under her husband's authority. I've been content with this, but about a year and a half ago, God began to do a work in my heart that it was time to move on. I feel so strongly that God would have me use these years to serve him in a ministry that would not be possible if I should marry and have children. I've prayed much, asking God if he would have me stay single for the sake of the ministry. My parents viewpoint is that if God had called me to ministry, he would have shown it to them as well. I know the Bible tells me to honor and respect my parents, but does there come a place in my life where Christ becomes the greater authority?

Emily, what an interesting story you have to tell. First of all, let me say that you are very fortunate—I'll begin there—by the fact that you have Christian parents who care about you and who want to make sure that they have the very, very best for their daughter, and no doubt they are praying that God's will will be done in your life, etc. There are many children who can't say that. But having said that, I really do feel that your parents are wrong in insisting that you marry. You know, after all, God may have something else for you, and if the right man doesn't come along, what are you to do? To make that the dominant desire on their part for your life, I feel, is really wrong and misleading. Indeed, God may have other things for you.

Now you say that you are twenty-four years old. There comes a time in your life when you are held accountable to God and not your parents. Seems to me Jesus said that on one occasion when he said that you have to love me more than you love your mother and your father. There comes a time when a child has to find his own way in his relationship with God. I like to point out that, humanly speaking, we would never have had the Protestant Reformation if Luther had believed that one should always obey his parents, because his parents certainly did not want him to enter the monastery there in Erfurt. They wanted him to be a lawyer. His father was miffed about that for many years. Well, I'm glad that Luther did enter that monastery to seek God.

I'm glad that his life did take the path that it did. So, I really do believe that there is such a thing as respectful disobedience, and your parents are worthy of respect. But at the same time, you cannot be held in bondage to their desire for you to marry. Seek God, be kind, be respectful, but also you're going to have to decide in God's presence what your future is going to be about. I pray that he will give you the grace to work this out so that you can go on with what God has called you to do.

Chicago, Illinois 60614. In today's culture, many women try to break the glass ceiling as they aspire to executive power and perks. But no position has more potential to influence the future than that of being a mother. Next time, don't miss A Mother's High Calling. This is Dave McAllister. Running to Win is sponsored by the Moody Church.