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What Marriage Is And Isn't Part 2

Running to Win / Erwin Lutzer
The Truth Network Radio
April 22, 2020 1:00 am

What Marriage Is And Isn't Part 2

Running to Win / Erwin Lutzer

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April 22, 2020 1:00 am

Have you ever felt buyer’s remorse? We all wonder if our large purchase was really the best choice. When it comes to marriage, there’s no place for buyer’s remorse. We have to let go of “what might have been” and honor the commitment we’ve made, as the vow says, “for better or for worse.”

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One reason for us to Jesus phone number for lawyers with hammers. We all wonder we bought was really the best choice when it comes to marriage.

There is no place for buyers remorse.

We have to let go of what might've been an honor the commitment we made as the bow says, for better or for worse, the Moody Church in Chicago this is Dr. Irwin's or whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Estimates are in a day when marriage could be between any genders. Our culture is slipping into some dangerous waters date. It's not just dangerous waters. It's waters that lead children. This tray is waters that really destroy civilization.

That's where we are headed. But in this series of messages.

What I want to stress is that those who are married have to understand what marriage is.

That is to say a man and a woman.

But what does that look like, what is it and what isn't. It very critical and you know in your introduction, Dave what you said was absolutely right that there are times when couples have to simply give up their wishes and their hopes. You can't go back and have a redo but God meets you right where you are.

That's so encouraging and you know if you been blessed as a result of these messages. You can have them so you can listen to them again and again. Here's what you do for a gift of any amount you go to RTW RTW or call us at 1-888-218-9337 and now let us open our minds and our Bibles as we continue to discuss what marriage is and what it is not remember years ago I told you a story about a man who was walking through a cycle or got to the first room and there was a man banging his head against a padded cell and he said to the manager. What's his problem and he said well he was madly in love with Matilda. Matilda jilted him and he can't handle.

It's all day long. He just bangs his head against the wall. ~How could you do it until when they got to the end of the aisle.

They notice that there was another man in a padded cell, banging his head against the wall saying Matilda how could you do it Matilda how could you do it guys and what's his problem is it what is the one who married Matilda the minute your fantasies begin to think about what could have been your on very very dangerous ground. So now there's this couple who says what we don't need that piece of paper. Mixed messages are being sent on the one hand I love you so much I want to be with you on the other hand, another messages being sent. Namely, but I want to keep an escape hatch. I want to make sure that I can get out of this with a lot of trouble just in case you and I can't work it out. Now let's go on to the next thing that the Bible mentions and the implications of that reasoning will be even clear, he says them leave father and mother be joined together and they shall become one flesh. Now we come to very very mysterious teaching in the Bible and I don't have time to go into it, except to say that the one flesh relationship is to mirror God.

In fact that Paul says in the book of Ephesians that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, the marriage is mirror. God never Jesus Christ relationship to the church and it's not as if the apostle Paul thought.

I need an illustration for loving Christ and Christ's relationship to the church. Let me use marriage the intention of marriage is to mirror God and the oneness that comes through intimacy through sexual intimacy is not just a physical biological experience. It is really a metaphysical experience. In fact, the apostle Paul says that even if you have a relationship with a prostitute. Where there is no commitment, no love. Nothing, just raw lust. He says you're already one body while the implications of that which I preached on in previous times are huge.

It's the most important verse in all the Bible teaches you more about sexuality than all the books on the shelves of our bookstores right there.

God says you become one flesh body soul and spirit, but you do it without a covenant if you do it without commitment you are really involved in a one flesh relationship but you aren't married and furthermore it is an unholy relationship. The only holy relationship is the relationship that you have by the protection of the covenant relationship that is totally and completely dependent upon this covenant. And by the way I was going to give the illustration of Robertson the quill pen regarding the covenant. His wife Muriel had Alzheimer's and he decided to resign the presidency of Columbia College of Bible just to take care of her full-time. The board said no we need you there. You can always hire us someone else to take care.

In fact, she won't know who's taking care of her.

Anyway, but he said it was no decision at all.

He said it was very clear. I'd made the promise till death do us part and he said that he would take care of her and he did until she died years later, I give you just one line of what he said as I watched her descend into oblivion. Muriel is the joy of my life daily. I discern new manifestations of the kind of person she is the wife I always loved. I also see fresh manifestations of God's love and grace the God long to love more fully. That's what it means, till death do us part. That's the covenant that you may when you get married, there's this couple who says we don't need that kind of a common so that we can escape and get out of this and it is an unholy relationship to men together cannot be one flesh. Two women together in a sexual relationship cannot be one flesh.

It is the man and it is the woman brought together by God as indicated here in this passage of Scripture that become one flesh. And that means that their relationship is not just physical but metaphysical fact you know that the word, one that is used, there is the word when God speaks about being one for the oneness of the Trinity and how those relationships and those unholy relationships to see people get it backwards. I think what you know, we can have the one flesh relationship here and that we can be intermittent and then let's work backwards and then we can decide whether or not we want to covenant and whether or not we are going to leave and cleave occasionally those kinds of marriages work out, but with huge difficulty. Why, because those kinds of relationships are sewn in the soil of deep disappointment hurt in this trust, and almost always they end by blaming I shaming it's your fault you talk me into it know it isn't.

But look at what you did. Yada yada yada.

You and on and on it goes. Why because unholy relationships though they have a sense of oneness are not blessed by God. You see it's within the confines of the sacred space that we call marriage. It is within those confines that you have the blessing of God. And that's why it says in the book of Hebrews, the marriage bed is undefiled.

Warmongers and adulterers God will judge God takes it very very seriously. So pastor Luther you're going to give us some hope, I think it's time for us to talk turkey in terms of where do we go from here. Thank you so much for asking.

I can already see it in your minds. Folks, it's not possible to have a better marriage until you have a better heart.

That's the key. You know I could stand up here and I could tell you about five new ways to communicate and that would last for about two days maybe when you get home. Maybe tomorrow. It would carry tomorrow, but then you know you'd forget about it in a day or two later in the back where you were, because we always go back to the default position so often times those kinds of changes are surface changes.

What kind of a heart if were going to have a good marriage. Remember my desire is to help people with good marriages become better bad marriages to become good what what kind of a hard first of all, you need a new heart even in the Old Testament.

It says this and you hard. I will give you all take from you the heart of stone do you have today a heart of stone. You are angry you believe that you have been the victim of so much injustice that your heart is hard toward God, toward your mate, maybe even toward your family and the Bible says and you heart I will give you now that's the gospel. Jesus said, except you be born again, you will not see the kingdom of God.

And it has to do with the fact that Jesus died on the cross, not just to take our sin away, but to make us new creatures. We are new creatures in Christ there is actually a miracle that takes place within us, that is called the new birth. You've not experience that you have never understood the wonder of God's forgiveness and you may like Christ.

You may even worship Christ in your own way and in your heart of hearts you've never been changed by God and that comes with it. A change of desire subscribe to God, to receive the good gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. You and I need to first of all we need a new heart.

Secondly, we need an honest heart and honest heart is where it gets difficult. It's possible to have a new heart and you're still not honest. So in your marriage relationship you have all of these ghosts that are never addressed. There are people who have been married for 25 or 30 years and they had never address all of the issues that divide them so they methodically go through.

They live together in the same house they may connect in many ways occasionally but they already know we don't talk about the relatives here. We don't talk about his father. We don't talk about his mother. We don't talk about her parents and the bad influence they have on our kids. We just don't go there couples want to tell you you have to go there if you want not only a one soul relationship but you want that relationship to spillover into a caring, sensitive fulfilling relationship. You can't pretend that the past doesn't exist. That's why I've given you in an assignment this week. Couples tell you what it's going to be. I want you to get into a safe place just the two of you and I want you to discuss some of the questions that are there in the bulletin don't look now but there there and ask yourself guide to what extent have the relatives influenced us to what extent have we not left father and mother and what impact is that having on our family. Now there's a good question to begin with. And if you can get through that one without a fight, then you can also go on to other question what influenced your past relationships still have what influence do certain habits have on our relationship that intrude on this sacred space that is been mapped out by God for the two of us. This is hard work but it's promising work, and God blesses it and by the way, if you're single and you're wondering what your assignment is actually this one up lies to the married people to first Thessalonians chapter 4 it's in their bulletin. First Thessalonians for the first eight verses read it and ask yourself the question, what should those verses mean to me as a single person struggling with sexual issues while stick of dynamite. So that's the assignment for the married one set of questions for the single.

The other, but first test or applies to all of us married and single and that's where some of you need some help. You may need to go for counseling because you may not be able to deal with all these issues without some object to the T and help.

Next, you need a forgiving heart.

You need a forgiving heart.

If you can't ask for forgiveness and then forgive those who ask you for forgiveness. Don't get married or get married at this point just to break it off. I remember asking a couple by the way, I said to this guy don't know that I ever said this before, but they were having marriage counseling, for they were married. Nice it if you're wife were in a tragic accident on your honeymoon and were a quadriplegic for the rest of your life of rest of her life. Could you handle it. He thought about that decided you know what, I'm not sure if I'm ready for marriage.

While here's another one you never told you years ago, but Rebecca and I being at the airport there in Minneapolis and she was getting me a sandwich as she lovingly always does.

Always looking out for my needs wish that I looked out for hers as well as she does for mine and an somebody was watching us.

There is a woman just across the way there at the terminal and she said you know I noticed that the two of you get along very well and I will think of for that wonderful and then she said this she said that I'm going to be married soon. What advice do you have for me and I'm looking around, you know, I'm thinking.

Oh well, I'm a preacher I should be able to answer this question is the kind of thing that I'm supposed to be able to answer. Rebecca didn't have to roll her eyes instantly. She said, have the ability to forgive. I thought thank you, Rebecca. I appreciate you so much considering who you live with the ability to forgive. You are not quick to ask forgiveness for your wrongs and to humble yourself and then receive other people's forgiveness and grant them their forgiveness when they ask for it.

I don't see how this marriage can make progress.

God wants us to change the way in which we live. Every marriage becoming better bad marriage is becoming good, but old what he has to sometimes take us through before we get the message. The lowest depths. Last week I received a letter from a couple here at the Moody Church and I received their permission. Honestly, I wouldn't do it without their permission to read parts of it to you. It was a letter of thanks to the church but you got to hear this. My wife and I descended into what seemed like a bottomless pit. Worse than our marriage being in tatters was the condition we were in physically, mentally and spiritually. One long year led to two long years in 2 to 3, and at that point it was too much to bear. I would say that we were like a man who was struggling to stay afloat without drowning, but we didn't go under and drown on many occasions for a guy like me likes to control and have a certain pride in playing my cards right, I can only describe the totality of our situation as an utter and complete train wreck. There was carnage everywhere and I was praying that God would take one or both of us from this planet to end the pain by the grace of God, our loving heavenly father was there working all along. The first perhaps not perceptibly but over time as we persevered and persevered a little more in a little more God showed up. He showed up because we proceeded to him the proper authority he deserves. He showed up because we began to ask him to deal with our own hearts rather than that of the other person realize we are hearing here today. Wow he showed up at 2 AM as we were singing hymns in our bedroom during a bout of demonic activity in her house and by the way, the devil wants your marriage to break up God showed up through the hands and feet of you and many others at Moody church who diligently stayed close to us in prayer.

I don't know if there are other couples at Moody church who had their own days of prayer and fasting, but we didn't because we needed it. We needed a big God for our big problems and he showed up in a big way. The other day I asked my wife if we have it as good as ever and she corrected me and said we had never had this good. What we have now is much better. Hello, they go on to point out they aren't perfect.

Obviously he says when we do have fights. They don't escalate, but end in genuine seeking of reconciliation, not catch this line not only do we love each other but we actually like each other as well. For a while we neither love nor respected each other and now we do both. That God is even granted us a ministry and then he goes on to say that to thank all the people at Moody church mentioned some specific names that I won't name who stood with them and then he ended it.

Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe sent has left a crimson stain he and then in parens. He adds, he really washed at white as snow bejewel hear what God can do when he shows up. I don't know what God talk to you about today.

Some of you had to receive Christ as savior so that you might get a new heart. Some of you have to go home you have to begin to listen like you've never listened before. Without judging just listen you need to talk. You need to deal with these issues. Painful old mired a painful, but in the end, when there is reconciliation and forgiveness. It is all worthwhile. Then some of you have some huge forgiveness issues, but all of us need God to show up and he is there if you're willing to pay the price of honesty and commitment. That's what marriage is begin their would you join me as we pray together and even as we pray together. I'm reminded of the last line of this letter. Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe sent his left a crimson stain he makes it white as snow. Can you accept the fact that your first responsibility is to deal with God than after you've dealt with God to deal with the issues and we can't do that here.

You need to go home.

Need to draw a circle around the two of you.

You need some long talks father, however imperfectly we have spoken today. My heart cries out for marriages that are so painful, so hurtful old God. We pray that you might rescue them show up maybe at night, maybe during the day, but we ask father that you will come on a rescue. We thank you that no matter how dark it gets. You also throw us a rope of father do that in our lives, even as we sing together about your love Jesus name, amen.) Pastoralists are no there are times in our marriage is when all that we have to go on is the covenant, the feelings are gone, the relationship is sprayed, but as the Bible says blessed is he who swears to his own hurt and does not change.

I pray today that there might be faithfulness on your part.

Even as you allow God to rebuild your marriage. You understand now why it is that this series of messages is so important. This is why we offer it to you. We are anxious to help you and the loved ones that you have in your walk with God and in your marriage for gift of any amount.

These messages can be yours. And by the way CDs and DVDs are available and with them, study guide so you can use them in small groups.

Here's what you do you go to RTW that's RTW or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 ask for this series of messages biting for your family. 1-888-218-9337 you can write to us running to win 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614 society says giving in is normal. Sad to say that destroys all too many marriages and families. People feel they have to live beyond their means. On our next program.

Don't miss till death do us part. Thanks for listening for Dr. Erwin Blitzer this is Dave McAllister running to win is sponsored by the Moody church

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