Getting Parenting Right Part 1

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. How should parents react when a child goes his or her own way, knowing the sorrow that child will face? In the parable of the prodigal son, we can learn some major spiritual truth and, at the same time, learn how to be better parents.

Stay with us. From the Moody Church in Chicago, this is Running to Win with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Pastor Lutzer, your series is You Can't Redo Life. When it comes to parenting, it's clear we only get one chance to get it right. Yes, Dave, you're absolutely right about that, but I do need to say that no matter how old the child is, there's always hope. And one of the things that this message does is it encourages parents. And, you know, there's a great lesson, and of course that will be pointed out. The father did not go looking for his prodigal son.

He let sin run its course, but eventually the boy came back home. There are so many lessons that we have to learn, and I want to say to all those who are listening today, we are in the midst of what we like to call a matching gift challenge. Some of our friends have said that they are willing to match any gift that is given to this ministry up to $90,000. That means that your $10 becomes $20, $50 becomes $100. Well, of course, you can do the arithmetic.

Would you consider becoming a part of us? Here's what you do. Go to rtwoffer.com.

That's rtwoffer.com, or if you prefer, you can call us at 1-888-218-9337. Now let us listen to God's word in the parable that Jesus told that instructs us about father-son-parent relationships. Rejoice, my son is coming home again. Jesus was a master storyteller. He loved to tell these parables because they always had a story that took place here on earth, and it represented a much bigger story as to what was happening in heaven. They were examples of spiritual truth, and what a storyteller he was. Today I have the privilege of speaking on one of his most familiar stories, his familiar parable.

In principle, it's a story that has happened a thousand times. A young man is brought up in a good home with a good dad, but with a love of pleasure coursing through his veins, he decides to leave home, and he goes to his father and requests his inheritance. As a matter of fact, he in effect said to his dad, I can't wait until you die.

I wish you were dead, but I can't wait until you die, so give me the inheritance that belongs to me, and I want it right now. If you have your Bibles, you can turn with me to the 15th chapter of the Gospel of Luke, and I'm going to read part of the story to you. I know you know it, but we need to hear it once again before we understand its meaning. Luke chapter 15 verse 11, there was a man who had two sons, said Jesus, and the younger of them said to his father, father, give me the share of property that is coming to me. And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all that he had and took a journey into a far country and there squandered his property in reckless living.

And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in the country, and he began to be in need, so he went and he hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, sent him into his fields to feed pigs, and he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself, he said, how many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, and I perish here with hunger. I will arise, and I will go to my father, and I'll say to him, father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.

Treat me as one of your hired servants. And he arose and came to his father, but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, father, I've sinned against heaven and before you.

I'm no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, bring quickly the best robe and put it on him and put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet and bring the fatted calf and kill it and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found. And they began to celebrate.

I'll read the rest later. When that young man got his inheritance, according to the laws of the Old Testament, he would have received a third of what was coming to him. And his elder brother, whom we shall meet in a few moments, and who was a complainer, he would have received two thirds of the inheritance. The young boy takes all of his money, and he begins on the far country, and the wordless the father watches him go down the road. Because the father knows what the far country is like. The father understands that in the far country you will always eventually find a famine. And so the father lets the boy go because there does come a time when parents have to let their children make their own decisions when they're old enough.

And so it is that the boy goes. And the scripture says that he squandered his living on riotous living. He squandered his money on riotous living. I love the King James Version at this point, which translates it, he wasted his substance on riotous living.

That's a good translation. Because you see, he was really wasting, wasn't he? And today we use the same expression. We say of somebody, he got wasted. I remember Rebecca and me attending a funeral of a teenager who overdosed on drugs, and I thought, what a waste.

What a waste it was. So the boy goes from one job to another, and finally he goes to someone who keeps pigs. Now you need to understand in those days pigs especially were considered to be unclean animals, not just simply physically unclean, which they are, but ceremonially unclean. And here he is in contact with pigs and he's willing to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs are eating.

Whatever religious scruples he was brought up with, those didn't apply now because this boy was hungry and he needed a living and he needed to eat. And then we come to that amazing phrase, don't you love it? When he came to himself, when he came to his senses, he began to think of his father.

And you know it is true that sin has a certain amount of insanity connected with it. And when we begin to understand where it is leading us, then we begin to say, you know what? I think it's time for me to return home to God and to my people. So this boy there in the pigsty, he prepares a speech and he wants to give it in just a moment and we'll have an opportunity to when he gets home. He says, Father, I have sinned against heaven. He understood that his sin was first and foremost against God. He said, I have sinned against heaven and I have sinned against you. I'm no more worthy to be called your son.

Make me as one of your hired servants. Now we pick up the theme from the standpoint of the father. And because we honor fathers today, I want us to see how this father reacted and then we will draw us from it some lessons for us as fathers today. Back home on the farm, the father could never forget his son because even though the boy left the father's home, the boy could not leave the father's heart. And the father was waiting for his boy.

You say, well, how do we know that? Well, the text that I just read says that when the boy was a far off, the father, the father ran to meet him. How could the father possibly see this child a far off unless he was looking for him? But there he was patiently waiting for his son. He didn't know when the son would come home. He didn't know if his son would come home. All that he knew is that his longing and his desire was for this boy. Those of you who are fathers and mothers, you will agree with me that a parent is only as happy as his saddest child. And when you have a child in the far country and you know what that far country is like, you begin to think about them.

And oh, how you wish that they'd come home. The father was waiting. Never forget that in the parable that Jesus told, the father basically is God. That's the point of the story. There are some of you to whom I'm speaking today and you think to yourself, you know, I've wandered so far away from God.

I've crossed so many different boundaries. I can't come back to him today because God probably is so mad at me. He doesn't even want to see me.

Well, I have some good news for you today, my dear friend, as I look into your eyes, some very good news. The reluctance is not on the part of the father. The father's arms are outstretched. The father is waiting and there is more grace in the father's heart than there is sin in your past.

The father waits for you. And then secondly, notice that the father is willing to be shamed for his son. We don't understand this in today's culture because what we're talking about here is something that a father might do today and we might think nothing of it. But you must understand the Middle East shame culture. Shame was used to keep people in line and it was always accompanied by being ostracized if you didn't stay in line. If you disgraced your family, as far as the family was concerned, they had a funeral for you. You had disgraced them.

They cut you off. Sometimes when the parents died, their wayward child was not listed in the obituary. As far as they were concerned, this was the end of that boy.

And this disgrace was huge. People in the village talked about the man who had two sons, the good boy who stayed home and then the bad boy who ran off and ran into the far country. And so the Bible says that this man, however, broke all convention. You never had the patriarch of a family run because of excitement. Maybe he would run if there was a fire, but he would never run because of the fact that he was so excited to meet someone. But here's a man who was willing to not only meet his son but run to meet him, robes flowing and all.

Forget the dignity. My boy is coming home. You have to understand why the father ran to get the son and was willing to forego any kind of cultural pressure in terms of the shame factor. You must understand that the reason is because he loved his boy but also because he wanted to get to him before the people in the village did and especially before the elder brother got to him. And so the father runs to see his child and is willing to forget the protocol and he goes and runs. The Pharisees to whom Jesus told this parable because he was speaking to them and their self-righteousness, as we'll see in a moment, they were standing there saying, how can a man do that? And this father is saying, I'm willing to put my arms around him even with the smell of pigs on his clothes.

Just let me hold my boy in my arms. And so the father is not only waiting for the son, but the father also is willing to be shamed for the son. And then the father forgives the son.

This is an amazing story. Do you remember how I read a moment ago in the pigsty what the boy said? He's rehearsing his speech. And there in the pigsty, he says, I am going to say to my father, Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you and am no more worthy to be called thy son.

Make me as one of thy hired servants. So he's rehearsing the speech as he goes home. He gets to his father and he cannot complete the speech.

There's an ending that is missing. He does get out the words, Father, I've sinned against heaven and against thee and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But then he wants to say, make me as one of thy hired servants. But that's not what he says. That's not what he said to his father.

Why? Because he was being smothered with kisses and he could not finish the speech he had made. The father had welcomed his wayward boy. So here he is. He is also willing to forgive his son. Now, if the father were to do that, we'd say that is absolutely remarkable. What a dad this is. Talk about grace based parenting.

But it even gets better than that. You'll notice in the text that he says to the servants, bring hither the best robe and put it on him and put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet. And you know that calf that we have for special occasions, everybody kept a fatted calf in case they needed a feast sometime.

You know the fatted calf, not the skinny one, but the fatted calf, kill it and let's have a party because this my son was dead and is alive and is lost and is found. When the man said, find the best robe and put it on him, he was really talking about his own robe. In those days, the patriarch of the family had a special robe that he wore only on very festive occasions. And what he was saying to those who were listening, his servants, he said, bring the best robe, which of course they understood to mean to be his own robe, the dad's own robe, and let's put that on him. Let's put a ring on his finger as a symbol of authority and no son in those days, no servant in those days, I should say, would ever wear shoes.

But let us put also shoes on his feet and then let's kill the fatted calf and let's celebrate. You say, well, wasn't this father a little bit naive? I mean, after all, this boy had disgraced him, had squandered his inheritance.

The answer is, yes, it may appear that way. And I'm sure that the next day they had some talks about accountability. But for tonight, let's throw a party. This my son was dead. We had the villagers thought that we should have a funeral for him, but he's alive and he was lost and he is found. The Pharisees to whom this story was being told, looked at this and thought to themselves, this is absolutely absurd. Love does things that are foolish, but love has power. And if you love your boy, you'll welcome him home despite his sin. Now there's something else that the father does is he finds himself in a predicament that he has to actually now defend his son. He has to defend the boy because now it gets intriguing. And when you first read the story of the prodigal, you think to yourself, you know, if Jesus were a good storyteller, he'd stop there.

After all, the boy is home. It's a wonderful parable on God's forgiveness. But then Jesus adds this bit about the elder brother. And what Jesus adds about the elder brother actually turns out to be the very heart of this story. It is the heart of this parable.

Let's pick it up in verse 25. Now his older son was in the field and as he came in and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, you know, your brother has come and your father has killed the fatted calf because he received him safe and sound. Did the elder brother say, great, I've been praying that he'd come home. This is wonderful. Praise God for this grace and mercy that my father showed to this kid brother of mine.

I can hardly wait to welcome him. That's not the way it turned out. He said, verse 28, but he was angry.

He refused to go in. His father came out and treated him and he answered his father, look, these many years I've served you, I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this your son has come who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you have killed the fatted calf for him. The father says to him, son, you're always with me and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting for us to celebrate and be glad for this your brother was dead and is alive and is lost and is found. And the story ends there and we never find out whether or not the brother went into the feast. The answer is he probably didn't.

What's going on here? What Jesus wanted to do to the Pharisees who were criticizing him for spending time with the tax gatherers and the sinners. He wanted to illustrate that those who understand their need and even those who have gone to the far country actually are much more welcomed by the father than somebody who believes that his relationship with God is based on his performance. You see, here's a young man who said to himself, I'm doing all of the right things. I am the one who gets up early in the morning.

I go to bed late at night and the farm is prospering because of me and you don't do this for me. Of course, the father says, you know, everything that I have is yours. Several lessons immediately grow out and that is it is possible to be a son of God and still live like a servant. It's as if this man didn't understand that he had an inheritance.

He could throw a party whenever he wanted to throw a party. But as long as his relationship with the father was based on a sense of duty, it was based on a conviction of merit, his anger toward his father grew. And I might say to those of you who believe that your relationship with God is based on merit, you're going to be angry with God and you're going to be angry with others. If you believe that God owes you and the reason that God owes you is because of what you've done and look at, I've abided by the rules, I've tried to go to church, I've tried to be the best person I possibly can and therefore God owes me blessing.

He owes me heaven. You are going to be bitterly disappointed and angry because when God doesn't come through for you and when you begin to understand that your merit does not add anything to God's grace toward you, then you will become bitter and angry and your soul will be closed to the father. You see, the elder brother illustrates the fact that it is possible to be busy in the father's work and still not share the father's heart. It's possible for you to be faithful in your service to the Lord and yet there's no connection really with your father. All that there is is resentment, particularly to those whom God seems to bless. Well my friend today, this is Pastor Lutzer and I have to speak to you personally and ask you this question.

Are you estranged from your father in heaven? I encourage you to come back to the waiting arms of our Heavenly Father. What a great parable Jesus Christ told. I want you to know that the ministry of Running to Win is in more than 20 different countries. And if you want to know what really blesses my heart is when we hear from the Middle East because Running to Win is in Arabic in many Middle East countries.

For example, I have in my hand a letter that says, may the Lord help me to follow his example in this difficult time of my life. I love Jesus and want to be like him and your program is opening my eyes to a lot of truth. Heartily, I thank you. You know, this ministry would not be possible were it not for partners just like you. Would you consider becoming an endurance partner?

Endurance partners are people who stand with us regularly with their prayers and their gifts. Let me give you some info. Here's what you can do. Go to RTWOffer.com. That's RTWOffer.com. And by the way, when you're there, of course, click on the endurance partner button. Or if you prefer, you can call us at 1-888-218-9337.

Let me give you that contact info again. You can go to RTWOffer.com. Of course, RTWOffer is all one word.

RTWOffer.com. Or if you prefer, call us at 1-888-218-9337. Let me thank you in advance because we are standing together and because of folks just like you, we're making a difference. You can write to us at Running to Win, 1635 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois, 60614. The story of the prodigal son is really the story of two prodigals, one left in rebellion, the other stayed in rebellion. Next time on Running to Win, another look into a famous parable of Jesus that shows how the Father in Heaven relates to His children, even when those children go astray. Thanks for listening. For Dr. Erwin Lutzer, this is Dave McAllister. Running to Win is sponsored by the Moody Church.