How Do I Face the Death of Others?

What's forbidden is not grieving. What's forbidden is grieving as though we had no hope.

As with everything in our lives, the Gospel transforms our every experience of our humanity. And that's true when it comes to grief. Although we don't think about it often, death is a reality. As long as the Lord tarries, throughout our lifetimes, we will have likely experienced the loss of many friends and loved ones. So how should we grieve? Because as you heard Guy Waters say, it's not grieving that's forbidden in the Bible, it's grieving without hope. I'm glad you're with us for Renewing Your Mind, as over the next few days you'll hear messages from Guy Waters' new series, Facing the Last Enemy.

This new series has a new companion hardcover book as well, and both are available for a donation of any amount at renewingyourmind.org. So how should we grieve? And how should we respond when an unbeliever dies?

Use Dr. Waters to help us think about these questions biblically, and to offer five encouragements from the Apostle Paul. We're thinking about applying the teaching of Scripture into the experiences of believers as we face death in its many forms. I want to begin in this session by thinking about how we face the death of others. How do we face the death of others? We'll start with some general guidance from the Scripture, but I want to turn to one passage in particular, and that is 1 Thessalonians chapter 4.

We'll turn there momentarily. One of the very earliest pastoral crises that the Apostle Paul faced in his young churches did not concern the law of Moses. It did not concern justification by faith alone. It was helping new believers who did not understand how to face the death of other believers. And what Paul does is he guides them and us through understanding what that means and how we respond to it biblically.

But before we get there, let's lay a little bit of groundwork. In answer to the question, how do we face the death of others? We can land on one word that the Scripture gives us, and that is we grieve. We grieve.

We see that in a couple of lights. We see multiple examples in Scripture, Old Testament and New Testament, of people grieving the deaths of loved ones. We see Jacob mourning what he thinks is the death of his son Joseph. And we're struck that that grief was not here today and gone tomorrow.

It was a grief he carried with him for many, many years. We see David grieving the loss of his sons. We come into the Gospels and we see Mary and Martha grieving the loss of their brother Lazarus.

The Acts of the Apostles, we see the saints in the church in Joppa grieving the loss of Tabitha. But of course we have preeminently the example of our Savior himself, who at the tomb of Lazarus wept tears of anger and rage at what death had done to his beloved friend Lazarus. And that's entirely in keeping with the character of our Savior. He is a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, Isaiah tells us in the 53rd chapter. So we have multiple examples, not least in the Savior himself. But we also have commands. Paul tells the Christians in Rome in chapter 12 verse 15, Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Now notice there's no qualification here. Paul does not say weep with those Christians who weep. He says simply weep with those who weep. We come alongside any person that God sets us beside in his providence. We rejoice with them and we mourn with them.

And that's a command to be followed. If we will not grieve, if we will not shed, as the hymn says, the sympathetic tear, then we are disobeying a command of God. We are doing something that is inhumane.

And then there's 1 Thessalonians chapter 4. Here's how Paul puts it in verse 13, We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. Notice Paul assumes we will grieve in the face of death. Grieving. What's forbidden is grieving as though we had no hope.

We're going to return to that in a moment. So by example and by command, the Scripture shows us how we're to respond to death. We're to grieve. That is a human thing to do. That is a Christian thing to do. But as with everything in our lives, the gospel transforms our every experience of our humanity. And that's true when it comes to grief.

So I want to come back to what Paul tells the Thessalonians in chapter 4 verse 13 of his first epistle. Grieve, but not as those who have no hope. Paul's telling us there's godly grief and there's ungodly grief. And the dividing line is hope.

Let's think about that. Let's think about ungodly grief. According to Paul, Paul says what marks that its stamp is hopelessness. Unbelievers have no hope. Paul says to the Ephesians in chapter 2 in verse 12, he's inviting them to think back on their lives before they became a Christian.

Remember you were at that time separated from Christ without hope and without God in the world. To be Christless is to be hopeless, Paul says. What is hope? Well, very simply, hope is a sure expectation of some future benefit.

To be hopeless is to have no expectation of any future benefit. And that's entirely in keeping with unbelief. Living without God, this world is all that unbelief has.

They live for this world. And Solomon reminds us this is vanity. And of course it all ends in the same place, Ecclesiastes tells us. All are from the dust and to dust they return, Ecclesiastes 3.20. And so when death breaks into the life of a human being who has no hope, all is lost. The lost loved one can't be retrieved, their death cannot be redeemed.

The response is bleakness and hopelessness. Commentaries on 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 often reference the funerary inscriptions on tombs, gravestones in Paul's day. You and I are used as we walk around in cemeteries to seeing inscriptions such as the Lord is my shepherd, I am the resurrection and the life. But in Paul's day you would read statements like these, I was not and I was, I am not and I care not.

Or this, if you want to know who I am, the answer is ash and burnt embers. That is hopelessness. And that was the world in which these young Christians were living. And Paul is saying you don't grieve like that because God has given you a hope in Christ. That's a point that is stressed throughout the Scripture. Romans chapter 5 verse 2, we rejoice, we exalt in hope of the glory of God. Who are we, Peter says in the first chapter of his first epistle, we have been born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. Hope to the believer is not so much a what as a who. Our hope is Jesus Christ. That's the point Hebrews makes in chapter 6 verse 19. We have, he says, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf.

So you see the Scripture's reasoning. You're a Christian, you have Christ. Christ is your hope. You have hope in Christ.

Now it's one thing to say that. What does that look like in the face of grief? And that's where we pick up Paul's argument in 1 Thessalonians 4. He wants Thessalonians and us to understand clearly and concretely what this hope means in the face of death so that this hope will transform our grief.

Notice he gives the church at the very end of the passage homework. Chapter 4 verse 18, encourage one another with these words. It's not just a word to the elders and deacons, to the mature Christians.

It was to all Christians. Everyone needs to be ready to encourage fellow believers in the face of death with the hope of the gospel. And Paul is giving us the words we need for our encouragement and to minister encouragement to others.

So briefly I want to look at five lines of encouragement that Paul gives us so that we may share them with one another in time of need. And the first is a summary of the gospel itself. It comes in verse 14. We believe that Jesus died and rose again.

Think about everything that is captured in those few words. What have we seen that it means that Jesus died? It means he has paid the penalty for sin. It means he was accursed for us. It means he has propitiated the wrath of God. It means he has nullified the devil and his angels.

It means he has conquered death and the grave. Jesus, verse 14, rose again. He rose again to newness of life. He secured the victory over death for us.

He was vindicated on our behalf. And in his resurrected humanity, he has ascended into heaven. He is seated at the right hand of the Father where he ever lives to intercede for us.

And notice Paul doesn't leave it there. He begins, we believe. It's not just that Jesus died and rose again, but we believe this. This is the life and the walk of faith. We trust this Savior. And that's what we share with one another. Brother, sister, we believe that Jesus died and rose again.

That's what we need when we grieve. Second thing that Paul reminds us, and it comes in verse 16, who are believers who have died? They are, he says, the dead in Christ. Or, verse 14, they are asleep in Jesus.

And you see what Paul is saying. They are still united to their Savior. Death has not destroyed. Death cannot destroy this bond between Jesus Christ and his own. And the whole person, soul and body, remains united to Jesus Christ. Their souls are now with the Lord.

They have entered their reward and rest. They are in the very presence of Jesus Christ. And their bodies await the resurrection.

So remember what death is and is not. It does not, it cannot sever the bond of union between Christ and any one of his children. Thirdly, look at what he says, verse 16. In verse 16, he says, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

Paul makes a big point of that. They will rise first. You see what he's saying. They haven't missed out, nor will they miss out, because they died before you. They will rise first if Jesus Christ should come in your lifetime. You're grieving over them now, and rightly so. But you will see them, and you will see them clothed in their glorious resurrection bodies.

That's the first thing you will see. And then in the fourth place, Paul emphasizes reunion. Really, two reunions. Look at verse 17. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. We have been parted by death, but we will be reunited on that day. We will all be caught up together with them. And then we will together meet the Lord in the air. As the Lord Jesus Christ appears in glory, we will appear with him. That's what makes the reunion so sweet. We will be with Jesus.

And think of the encouragement that that is. Death separates, Christ reunites. Soul and body separated, reunited forever at the resurrection. Believer, rent from believer in death, reunited at the return of Christ. And all in the presence of Christ.

And that leads to the fifth thing, verse 17. And so we will always be with the Lord. It's not just that we meet with him, and then he disappears. This isn't some cosmic photo op that Jesus takes with his people, and then he goes his own way. Paul says he will meet with us, and we will always be with him.

He will never leave us or forsake us. And so Paul says, I want you, verse 18, to encourage one another with these words. Now Paul is thinking about how we respond to the death of a believer. Very often, we experience the death of people whom we don't know to be believers. How do we face the deaths of people whom we do not know to be Christians? How does faith grieve in such an instance? Well, we do grieve. That's the first thing we do. That death is loss, and it's right that we grieve. And compounding our grief is that we have no confidence to say that they died in the Lord. So what do we do? The most important thing we can do to begin is to commit ourselves in prayer before the Lord.

This is a hard providence. And so in the pattern of the Psalms, we come to God with a hard thing in our life, and we commit it to him. He is the maker of heaven and earth.

He is our God in Christ. We pour out our hearts, our griefs to him. But as we pray, we don't pray for that person who has died.

That person has already appeared before God and has given their account. The matter is settled, and Scripture tells us we don't pray for those who have died. But we do pray for ourselves that God in this hard providence would draw us more closely to him. We do pray for the friends and family that this person has left behind. We pray that they would come to know the Lord Jesus Christ. We pray that we might have opportunities to tell them of the Lord Jesus Christ and that he would open their hearts to receive the truth.

So we close a couple of thoughts to take with us. We've been thinking in this lecture about grieving someone, grieving a loved one who has died. But for a moment, put yourself in the shoes of someone who will grieve your death. What's the very best thing that we can do for that person? The very best thing we can do for that person is to leave behind a testimony of a sound, confirmed, fruitful faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Let there be no doubt or uncertainty that you belong to Christ and that you love him.

And there are lots of ways that you can do that. Not that you would call attention to yourself, but that you would call attention to your Savior. And then second, what we're being reminded of, as we've looked briefly at 1 Thessalonians chapter 4, and as we've thought about how we grieve the loss of an unbeliever, we all need the same thing. We need to be reminded of the gospel of Christ. It's the only thing that offers any solace to the grieving Christian. It reminds us of the hope that belongs to everyone who has put their trust in Christ. And Paul wants us as believers to be rehearsing these things to ourselves and sharing these things to one another so that we would never forget them, so that we would be instruments of encouragement to one another. And Paul is telling us then something very basic, but something profound. Preparation for death begins in life, begins right now.

It begins by reminding yourself of the living Savior, Jesus Christ, who he is and what he's done, and telling of him to others and ministering to others in their grief by sharing, by pointing to the Lord Jesus Christ and his mercies to all who are his. What thoughtful and practical wisdom there from Guy Waters on a very sensitive but needed topic. You're listening to Renewing Your Mind on this Monday and you'll be hearing more from Dr Waters tomorrow. The messages this week are just a selection from his 12-part series, Facing the Last Enemy. It also has a new companion hardcover book and we'll send that book to you with your donation of any amount at renewingyourmind.org. In addition, you'll have lifetime streaming access, both audio and video, to the entire series and the digital study guide. These resources can help you prepare for when trials come your way and guide you whether you're facing death or caring for someone who is. So call us at 800 435 4343 or visit renewingyourmind.org and request both resources today. Guy Waters has considered how we should respond to death with hopeful grief. But how do we care for a friend who is dying or going through grief themselves? That's our topic tomorrow here on Renewing Your Mind. Copyright © 2020, New Thinking Allowed Foundation