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On today's edition of Pathway to Victory. The physical and emotional benefits of forgiveness pale in comparison to the spiritual benefits of forgiveness. There's an inseparable link between receiving God's forgiveness and extending forgiveness to other people. Welcome to Pathway to Victory with author and pastor, Dr. Robert Jeffress. In theory, most of us would extol the virtues of forgiveness.
But unless you've personally experienced the pain of a prodigal child or a cheating spouse, it's hard to know what it truly means to forgive. Today on Pathway to Victory, Dr. Robert Jeffress shares the physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits of forgiveness. Now, here's our Bible teacher to introduce today's message.
Dr. Jeffress? Thanks, David, and welcome to a brand new week of Bible teaching on Pathway to Victory. We're in the final stretch of our teaching series called How Can I Know? Answers to Life's Seven Most Important Questions. And I'm going to give you a polite little nudge so that you remember to get in touch with us today.
Time is running out to request the companion resources that we've prepared for this practical study. For instance, I'd like to send you a copy of my bestselling book on this topic because it will open your eyes to the rational answers the Bible provides on some of the most important questions in life. Questions like, how can I know I'm going to heaven when I die? Or how can I know God is good with all the suffering in the world? And how can I know that the Bible is true?
You likely know someone who's asking serious, underlying questions that trip them up. My book, How Can I Know?, will equip you with credible answers. And when you give a generous gift to support the ministry of Pathway to Victory, you're entitled to request my book.
Again, it's called How Can I Know? And then, with just three months remaining before we set sail, it's not too late to sign up for the Pathway to Victory Journeys of Paul Mediterranean Cruise. The dates are May 5th through 16th.
In the dead of winter, it's fun to dream about cruising through the warm, blue waters of the Mediterranean. Well, I guarantee that you'll never regret your decision to join us for this vacation of a lifetime, and you can make your arrangements by going to ptv.org. Now, it's time to get started with today's study. Today, we're asking a relevant question. How can I know how to forgive someone who has hurt me? C.S. Lewis once said, forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have somebody to forgive.
We all like the concept. The practice of it, maybe not so much. I think right now, when I talk about forgiveness, somebody comes to mind that has wronged you, that you know you should forgive. It may be an employer who has mistreated you. It may be a mate who abandoned you.
It may be a parent who has neglected you. You know you're supposed to forgive, but in the back of your mind, you're not sure you even should forgive. I mean, after all, doesn't justice demand that wrongs be punished? In my experience as a pastor, there is no decision that is more crucial to our well-being than the choice to forgive. Author David Augsburgher says it this way, forgiveness is hard, it hurts, and it costs, but not forgiving is even more costly.
We're in a series right now entitled, How Can I Know? Answers to Life's Seven Most Important Questions. Today we've come to the most practical of the questions we've looked at so far, and that is, how can I know how to forgive someone who has hurt me? You know, it's interesting, the subject of forgiveness, until fairly recently, was relegated to Sunday school classes. When people thought of the idea of forgive one another kind of like they do, turn the other cheek, it was a platitude that was universally accepted and universally ignored. Oh, that stuff works in church maybe, but not in the real world where I live, forgive. And yet in recent years, researchers have discovered there are practical benefits to choosing to forgive.
For example, there are physical benefits, there are health benefits to forgiving. If you've ever been to the Holocaust Museum in Israel, you know what a devastating experience it is. Every time I take a group to the Holocaust Museum, it's the same experience. People leave there and they can't speak for a while.
They walk out in silence, not believing the horrors that human beings could inflict on other people. You understand then why one Holocaust survivor said, if you could lick my heart, it would poison you. But that's exactly the problem with unforgiveness. It's hard, but not doing so hurts us more than it does our offender. I think it was the great theologian Lily Tomlin, remember her, the comedian? She said not forgiving other people is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.
It never happens. It hurts us more than it hurts others. In fact, bitterness, unforgiveness has now been directly linked to cardiovascular disease, to hypertension, even to cancer. There are physical benefits to forgiving.
There are emotional benefits of forgiving. A few years ago, there was a popular network TV show called Revenge. It was about a young woman who plotted every week to seek revenge against the people responsible for her father's false imprisonment and death. And every week, she had somebody else she was targeting, blaming for what had happened to her dad. But every show began with a recap of what she experienced as a little girl.
There was the scene of her father being hauled off to jail, and she is a little girl crying out, daddy, daddy, daddy. Now, the recap was a way of connecting with new viewers of the program who may not be familiar with the context. But that recap was also a powerful illustration of the downside of unforgiveness. When we refuse to forgive other people and instead rehearse that offense over and over in our mind, we are reliving that pain and re-experiencing that pain. No, forgiveness is letting go. It's kind of like letting go of a rattlesnake.
You know, if you let go of a rattlesnake, it benefits the snake, but it benefits you more. Forgiveness is the way we let go of the past. But the physical and emotional benefits of forgiveness pale in comparison to the spiritual benefits of forgiveness. Jesus said it very matter-of-factly, very forcefully in Matthew 6, verses 14 to 15. He said, For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.
Jesus couldn't have been any more clear. There's an inseparable link between receiving God's forgiveness and extending forgiveness to other people. If you don't extend forgiveness to others, God will not forgive you. There's a link between receiving and giving forgiveness. And Jesus himself illustrated that link in Matthew chapter 18. It's a parable, a story we've looked at before. Remember Peter said to Jesus, Lord, how many times am I supposed to forgive somebody who wrongs me?
Up to seven times? We think, Peter, you dunce, why would you limit forgiveness? But that was a popular thinking in Jesus' day. The rabbi said, you forgive person a first time, a second time, a third time, but the fourth time you don't forgive. So why, by Peter saying, will you forgive up to seven times? He was being generous, according to the culture.
But Jesus said, no, it's not just seven, it's 70 times seven. You're to keep on forgiving. Well, why would I keep on forgiving people who wrong me?
Isn't that like hanging the kick me sign around your neck and inviting further mistreatment? Well, Jesus told this story to tell why we'd forgive others. You remember this story. It's about a king who had a slave who owed him 10,000 talents. Now a talent in Jesus' day was about 80 pounds of gold. Here was a slave who owed not one talent, 80 pounds, but 10,000 talents. I did the calculation. By today's gold prices, that would be about $16 billion.
That's a lot of money. And so he called in the slave and said, I want my money and I want it now. And the slave said, well, I don't have the money right now on me, $16 billion, but be patient and I will repay you everything. And the king, the Bible says, Matthew 18, 27, felt compassion. He felt compassion.
He didn't usually feel compassion. But as he saw that slave bowing before him, begging leniency, saying I'll repay you if you'll give me some compassion, the king released him and forgave him of the debt. That's what forgiveness is. It is letting go of a debt. That slave was so relieved.
He left the palace that day, rehearsing over in his mind what the king had said. You're forgiven. You're forgiven. Your debt is forgiven. And that slave, as he thought that over, said, hey, you know what?
Come to think of it, there's somebody who owes me some money. And Jesus said he went out and found a fellow slave who owed him 100 denarii. Now denarius was about 16 cents, one day's wage.
So 100 denarii would be $16. He went out and found this friend of his, a fellow slave who owed him $16. He grabbed him by the neck and began to choke him, saying, repay me everything you owe me. And the slave couldn't repay the $16. So the first slave had his fellow slave thrown into prison until he should repay everything. When the king heard what this first slave had done, he was outraged. He called him in, verse 32, and said, you wicked slave. I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have also had mercy on your fellow slave in the same way that I had mercy on you? And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.
And then Jesus adds the zinger in verse 35. So shall my heavenly father do to each of you if you do not forgive your brother from the heart. You know, I've heard in 40 years of pastoring, I've heard people, supposed Christians saying, I will not forgive that. I will not forgive.
I cannot forgive. Be careful, Jesus says. You're putting your eternal soul at risk when you say that.
Wait a minute. Are you saying that we earn our salvation, we earn forgiveness? No, I'm not saying that. Ephesians 2 says, for by grace you have been saved through faith, that not of yourselves. It is a gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast. I'm not saying we earn God's forgiveness by forgiving other people. Well then is Jesus saying God will take away our salvation if we don't forgive? No, Romans 11 29 says the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable. God doesn't take back a gift he has given.
Then what is Jesus saying? I think what he is saying is if you find it impossible to forgive another person and refuse to forgive them, it's not because you haven't earned salvation, it's not because you lose salvation, it's because you never had it to begin with. Because when you understand the tremendous debt that God has forgiven you of, you'll find it relatively easy to forgive other people. Listen to me this morning, God's not asking you to deny the hurt that you've experienced.
That hurt is real. But he said whenever you are hurt by another person, keep that wrong in perspective. Because the difference between how much somebody has hurt you and how much you have hurt God is the difference between $16 and $16 billion. Forgiveness is the obligation of those who have been forgiven.
It's important for our physical, emotional, and our spiritual well-being. So then, why do people have trouble forgiving? If we know it's good for us, both now and for eternity, why do we have trouble forgiving others? You know, people wonder sometimes why I talk so much about forgiveness. Is it because I have some big hurt in my life that I'm trying to recover from?
No, not at all. But I know how much the Bible speaks about it, and I also know the downside of not forgiving, having witnessed it in people for many, many years. And one reason people have difficulty forgiving is they don't understand what it is and what it isn't. Twenty-five years ago, I wrote my book that's still in print now, When Forgiveness Doesn't Make Sense.
And when I began the research for that book, I partnered with the George Barna Research Company. And we did a nationwide survey on people's attitude about forgiveness, both Christians and non-Christians. And we found that Christians have a very unbiblical view of forgiveness.
They didn't understand what it was and what it wasn't. And that keeps them from being able to experience the benefits of forgiveness. For example, forgiveness is not ignoring or rationalizing offenses. One reason people find it difficult to forgive is they think, Well, isn't that diminishing the seriousness of what was done to me? Isn't that rationalizing it?
Not at all. In fact, just the opposite. Remember this, you can only forgive people you're willing to blame. Until you're able to blame somebody, you're unable to forgive them. I think sometimes we Christians are too nice toward people. We want to sweep what other people do under the rug and play like it never happened. Oh, it wasn't that bad. Or maybe they were just having a bad day. Or I'm responsible as much as they are.
We do our self no service when we fail to recognize the seriousness of an offense. Let me illustrate it this way. Let's just say you started noticing a bump on your arm. And then a few days later, it started to hurt. So you'd take Tylenol a couple of times a day, and the pain would subside. And then you notice the pain increasing, and Tylenol wouldn't take care of it. So you go to your doctor. He looks at it, does a biopsy, comes back and says, I've got some bad news for you. That is a tumor, and it's malignant. And worse than that, it spread to your entire body. You have cancer.
If only you had come to see me earlier. It's the same way with offenses against us. We shouldn't ignore them. We shouldn't play like they didn't happen. We need to deal with them through spiritual surgery, which is called forgiveness.
It's the way we deal with very real hurts. You know, you see that illustrated in the life story of Joseph. Remember Joseph from the Old Testament? He was sold into slavery by his 11 brothers. And through a miraculous set of circumstances, Joseph ended up as the prime minister of Egypt and was in a position to sell grain to his brothers who approached him, not knowing who he was. And when he confronted his brothers, remember his words to them. He said, and as for you, Genesis 5020, as for you, you meant evil against me. But God used it for good to bring about this current situation to keep this people alive.
Joseph didn't say, oh brothers, let bygones be bygones. We'll pretend it never happened. I was at fault. I shouldn't have been prancing around in that multicolored coat as much as I did.
We'll just forget it ever happened. No, he said, you did it for evil. You meant evil.
But guess what? I serve a God who's bigger than you are. I serve a God who is able to take your worst intentions and use them for my good and for his glory. You can never forgive those you're not willing to blame. Forgiveness is not about rationalizing. It's not about diminishing the reality of your suffering. Secondly, forgiveness is not surrendering our desire for justice.
It's not surrendering our desire for justice. I remember in my former church, there was a father whose daughter was brutally murdered. The killer was apprehended. He was facing trial. And the DA wanted the father to testify about the pain he and his wife had experienced and so forth.
And the father came to me and said, you know, pastor, I'm just not sure I ought to testify. I'm trying to forgive this man. And if I testify against him, isn't that meaning I don't forgive him? And I shared with him the difference between vengeance and justice. Vengeance is my desire to hurt somebody else for hurting me. And the Bible says we're to give up our desire for vengeance. Romans 12, 19, never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God. For it is written, vengeance is mine.
I will repay, says the Lord. We're to give up our desire to settle the score, to hurt others for hurting us. But we can never give up our desire for justice. What is justice? Justice is the payment God or others might demand from those who have hurt us. We can give up vengeance. We can never give up justice.
We don't want to give up justice. We're created in the image of a just God. The reason we want people to pay for what they've done is not because we're unlike God.
It's because we're like God. Listen to Psalm 82, verse 3. Vindicate the weak and the fatherless. Do justice to the afflicted and the destitute.
Learn to do good. Seek justice. Reprove the ruthless, Isaiah 1 17 says. I give up my desire for vengeance.
I don't give up my desire for justice. Justice is letting God settle the score. By the way, one way God settles the score is through government, through the legal system. That's why capital punishment is something God commands. It's his way of exacting justice. In Romans 13, verse 4, Paul said government is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. The reason this is important to understand is a lot of people don't forgive because they think, well, if I forgive, I'm surrendering my desire for justice.
No, not at all. Thirdly, forgiveness is not forgetting offenses. If I forgive somebody, some people think that means I have to forget what they did and I just can't forget. Hey, remember this, forgetting is a biological function.
Anybody ever have trouble remembering where your keys are? The older you get, the more often you're going to forget. That's just biological.
It's a biological function. On the other hand, forgiving is a spiritual function. We can forgive without ever forgetting. You say, wait a minute, isn't there a verse somewhere in the Bible that says when God forgives, he forgets?
Yes, Jeremiah 31, 34, for I will forgive their iniquity and their sin I will remember no more. What is God saying? Is he saying when he forgives us, he develops a case of holy amnesia and can't remember what we did any longer?
No, of course not. He's omniscient. He remembers and knows everything. It's saying, God is saying he no longer holds our sin against us. It's the same sentiment Paul expressed in Romans 4, 7 to 8 when he quotes Psalm 32 saying, blessed are those whose lawless deeds have been forgiven and whose sins have been covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will not take into account. He no longer holds our sin against us.
Why? It's not because he's overlooked our sin. A lot of people think, well, God forgiving means he just plays like it never happened.
He overlooks it. A holy God cannot do that. The Old Testament says God cannot overlook the sins of the unrighteous. No, what God does to our sin is he marks our sin paid in full.
That's exactly what happened on the cross of Jesus Christ. Maybe you're listening right now and the projector of regret is playing back the film. You're watching the imagery of those painful, broken relationships on the big screen. Isn't it time to let go? Isn't it time to experience the forgiveness God so freely offers? Well, there's much more we need to discover in this important study.
I've titled today's message, How Can I Know How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt Me? And it's just one of the chapters featured in my book titled, How Can I Know? Answers to Life's Seven Most Important Questions. You can receive your copy today when you give a generous gift to support the growing ministry of Pathway to Victory. And it comes with my thanks for your support. This book would make the perfect curriculum for your small group Bible study or your Sunday school class.
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David. Thanks, Dr. Jeffress. Today, when you sign up to become a Pathway partner or when you give a one-time generous gift in support of Pathway to Victory, you're invited to request the bestselling book, How Can I Know? written by Dr. Robert Jeffress. Just call 866-999-2965 or go to ptv.org. Now, when you give an especially generous gift of $75 or more, we'll also include the complete How Can I Know? teaching series on audio and video discs.
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Box 223-609, Dallas, Texas, 75222. I'm David J. Mullins, inviting you to join us again next time when Dr. Jeffress continues to answer the question, How can I know how to forgive someone who has hurt me? right here on Pathway to Victory. Pathway to Victory with Dr. Robert Jeffress comes from the pulpit of the First Baptist Church of Dallas, Texas. You made it to the end of today's podcast from Pathway to Victory, and we're so glad you're here. Pathway to Victory relies on the generosity of loyal listeners like you to make this podcast possible. One of the most impactful ways you can give is by becoming a Pathway partner. Your monthly gift will empower Pathway to Victory to share the gospel of Jesus Christ and help others become rooted more firmly in his word. To become a Pathway partner, go to ptv.org slash donate or follow the link in our show notes. We hope you've been blessed by today's podcast from Pathway to Victory.
