Hey, podcast listeners. Thanks for streaming today's podcast, From Pathway to Victory. Pathway to Victory is a nonprofit ministry featuring the Bible teaching of Dr. Robert Jeffress. Our mission is to pierce the darkness with the light of God's word through the most effective media available, like this podcast. To support Pathway to Victory, go to ptv.org slash podcast and click the donate button or follow the link in our show notes.
Now here's today's podcast, From Pathway to Victory. This is the coming year with the brand new 2024 daily devotional, From Pathway to Victory. This exquisite book bound in forest green leather and inlaid with brown and gold foil features over 530 pages of biblical inspiration from Dr. Robert Jeffress. That's a new devotional reading deeply rooted in God's word for every Monday through Friday and through every season in the new year. Get a copy for yourself and request several more for your family and friends when you go to ptv.org. This is Robert Jeffress in response to the horrific attack on Israel. I've written a brand new book called Are We Litting in the End Times?
Go to ptv.org to order your copy. The separation from a mate because of death or divorce always causes grief. But that grief is compounded when it's mixed with regrets.
You know, the fact is we cannot eliminate grief, but we can diminish that grief. By committing the four decisions that lead to what I call a regret free marriage. Welcome to Pathway to Victory with author and pastor Dr. Robert Jeffress. No relationship is more intimate and more sacred than the lifelong commitment to your spouse.
But when the honeymoon is over, most couples find the day to day realities of marriage more challenging than they anticipated. Today on Pathway to Victory, Dr. Robert Jeffress outlines four decisions you can make right now to help rekindle the flame in your marriage. Now here's our Bible teacher to introduce today's message.
Dr. Jeffress. Thanks, David. And welcome again to Pathway to Victory.
It's the dead of winter. And this is when Amy and I began dreaming of our vacation to warmer locales, places like Alaska. Well, you're invited to join us for the upcoming 2024 Pathway to Victory cruise to Alaska. The dates are June 15th through 22nd. We'll meet up in Vancouver, British Columbia, board a luxurious cruise vessel and sail north in the calmer waters of the inside passage.
The views from the ship are absolutely breathtaking and we'll have plenty of time to visit the quaint ports of call. So to read all the details and to reserve your spot on the 2024 Pathway to Victory cruise to Alaska, go to ptv.org. Now, before we begin today's study on marriage, I want to remind you that I've written a book that parallels this month's study. My book is called Say Goodbye to Regret. I was prompted to write this book in order to help people break through their emotional strongholds. You see, too many of us are paralyzed by regret. We're haunted by our mistakes and God stands with open arms prepared to forgive us and ready to propel us forward. Please ask for a copy of my book.
Say Goodbye to Regret. I'd be pleased to send you a copy right away when you give a generous gift to support the Ministry of Pathway to Victory. David and I will repeat this information later on and we'll give our full contact information as well. So please be ready to jot it down.
But right now, let's turn our attention to the topic at hand today. I titled today's message Say Goodbye to Marital Regrets. I want to ask you who are married a very personal and revealing question. If you were to lose your mate suddenly through divorce or through death, would you have any regrets about your marriage?
Perhaps you would look back on a heated argument you had with your mate and trying to gain the upper hand, you grab that dagger, that insult, that criticism that you knew would cut deepest into your mate's heart. And though you would try to apologize later for that comment, your marriage was never the same after it. Maybe as you think about regrets, you would think about that quality in your mate that first drew you to him or her, but you spent the rest of your marriage trying to fix, always trying to fix your mate. Maybe you would think about missed opportunities you had to spend together. We were having such a great time in the mountains, why did we feel like we had to rush home?
Or why did we think it was necessary to have every dish clean before we could take a walk after supper together? Maybe for some of you, you would think back on an extramarital relationship that changed the dynamics of your marriage forever. Any kind of separation, the separation from a mate because of death or divorce always causes grief. But that grief is compounded when it's mixed with regrets. I think about the story of Abraham and the death of his wife Sarah.
It's recorded in Genesis 23 verses one and two. Now Sarah lived 127 years. These were the years of the life of Sarah. Sarah died in Hebron in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went into the sepulcher, the grave, to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her. He wept because of the death of his wife, certainly because they'd been married together for 60 years. But I think part of his grief was because of regrets he felt about the relationship. He remembered that situation with Hagar that destroyed the spirit of their marriage.
He thought about not just once but twice that he had placed his own welfare, his own safety, above the safety of Sarah. You know, the fact is we cannot eliminate grief that comes from the death or divorce of a mate. But we can diminish that grief by committing to four decisions that lead to what I call a regret-free marriage.
And that's what we're going to look at today. As we continue our series Say Goodbye to Regret, we're going to talk about how to say goodbye to regrets about our most important relationship in life, the relationship with our mate. If you have your Bibles, turn to Genesis chapter 2.
Genesis chapter 2, and then be ready to turn to Matthew chapter 19. Of the most foundational decision we can make to eliminate regrets in our marriage, the most foundational decision is this. I will not divorce my mate. I will not divorce my mate. Now, before you send me any letters or emails, yes, I'm aware that there are two allowances for divorce and remarriage in the Bible.
One is adultery and then desertion. When your mate leaves you, sometimes you have no choice. But even those allowances, listen to this, they are not a command to divorce. You don't have to divorce.
You're allowed to. And the way to ensure regret-free marriage is to make that bedrock decision ahead of time that regardless of come hell or high water, you're going to remain together. Why is that such an important decision? Why does God place an emphasis on that commitment to remain married? Well, Jesus explained why in Matthew 19. Notice the three principles about marriage that explain why Jesus is against divorce. First of all, marriage is uniquely designed by God.
That is, each person in a marriage relationship is tailor-made, custom-made by God to perfectly fit the other partner. That's what verse four is about. And Jesus answered and said, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? You see, it all starts in Genesis chapter two.
God looked down. He said, everything I've created is good. Man is very good, but here's the thing that's not good.
It's not good for a man to be alone. So I will make Genesis 2 18 a helper suitable for him. Eve was custom-made by God for one man, and his name was Adam. Do you understand that? Do you understand he's not just talking about the first couple, but every couple? Your husband, your wife is custom-made. There is nobody in the universe any better suited for you than the one God made for you. And that helps answer the divorce question to understand, first of all, marriage is uniquely designed by God.
Every mate is custom-made for the other one. Secondly, Jesus said, marriage creates an unbreakable bond. When you marry, you create an unbreakable bond with the other person. Verse five, Matthew 19, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined together to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
And then he gives a third reason we're not to divorce. Every marriage is orchestrated by God. Look at verse six.
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Did you know God is the divine matchmaker? He's the one who designed and orchestrated that first marriage. Genesis 2 22 says, after he built Eve, he brought the woman to the man. He's the one who brought them together. You know, when I read that passage, I think of the unique circumstances that brought Amy to me, how God did that. It was the summer of 1968.
Seems like a long time ago. The summer of 1968, and Amy was living in Naperville, Illinois. And her dad got an offer of a promotion. He could either transfer to Dallas, or he could stay in Illinois. He chose to come to Dallas. They could have lived anywhere they wanted to in the Metroplex, but they chose to live in Richardson, Texas.
They could have lived anywhere in Richardson, but they chose to live on the street next to my street. That meant Amy was assigned to West Junior High School. There were several first period math classes, but she got assigned to the class I was in, Mrs. Denny's math class. In the room, there were 30 chairs. She could have sat in any of them. But she was placed in the chair in front of me. Her schedule with 3,000 students, she could have had any kind of schedule of her seven classes. Instead, she ended up in every class of mine except PE.
There were a number of people she could have met that first day in school, but the first person she talked to was me. That was all divinely orchestrated by God. And by the way, I bet you have a similar story as well if you're married. You know, one fun thing to do regularly with your mate is to sit down and talk about those unique circumstances God used to bring you together.
What Jesus is saying is this. In light of the fact that your mate is tailor-made just for you, in light of the fact that you have entered into an unbreakable bond with that other person, in light of all of the circumstances God put together to bring you two together, how could you ever consider breaking that relationship, ending that relationship that God has put together? Now, again, I'm not trying to pile guilt upon those of you who are divorced and remarried. But what I'm saying, starting now, wherever you are in your marriage, make that commitment that you are not going to divorce your mate. It's the foundation for a regret-free marriage. Number two, what are the decisions that lead to a marriage without regrets? Number two, I will make my mate's happiness a priority.
I will make my mate's happiness a priority. I read somewhere that only 17% of marriages can be classified as truly happy marriages. What's the root cause of unhappiness in marriage? In a word, selfishness.
Whenever you have people in a relationship and both are intent on getting their way every time, you're going to have friction in that relationship. What's the antidote to selfishness? It's putting other people's interest ahead of your own. Remember what Paul said in Philippians 2, verses three and four, do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves.
Do not merely look out for your own interest, but the interest of others as well. And then he goes on to say, have this attitude in yourselves that was in Christ Jesus, who although he existed in the form of God, he did not regard his equality with God a thing to be grasped, held onto, but he emptied himself. He became obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross. Why did Jesus leave the throne room of heaven and come to earth? It's not to meet his needs. His needs were being met in heaven. He had it all, but he was willing to give it all up to come and meet the needs we have.
He put our interests above his own. And we're to carry that same attitude into the church. That's the context of Philippians 2. It was a schism going on in the Philippian church, but it's also to go on in our marriage as well.
If we're going to have a happy marriage, it means making our mate's happiness a priority. I wish I could say I did that all the time or even most of the time, but I don't. And I confess to it. I remember one time we were, Amy and I were on a mission trip. We were in New Jersey and we got a day off from the mission trip. And so Amy said, I know what I'd like for us to do.
We're near where I grew up, Berkeley Heights, New Jersey. And I'd like to go back to my old neighborhood and look at the house where I grew up in and play on the playground where I played and visit the school I visited. And I thought to myself, I'd rather have a hole in my head than spend a day traipsing around a strange neighborhood in New Jersey. I wanted to rest and relax, but I immediately felt guilty for feeling that way.
Why wouldn't I want to go see these sights? If they're important to the most important person in my life, why shouldn't they be important to me? And so we spent the day strolling down memory lane and had a great time doing that. You know what the ironic thing is? When we decide we're going to have our way or the no way, it's going to be our way or the highway. It doesn't make us happy. It just creates conflict that makes both parties miserable. But when you put the interest of your mate, your mate's happiness above your own. It not only creates happiness in them, it makes for a pleasant marriage as well. One key for a regret-free marriage is making your mate's happiness a priority.
Decision number three, and this is so important. I will refrain from using hurtful words with my mate. I read somewhere that for every negative comment you make to a family member, it takes four positive comments to reverse the effects of that one negative comment.
I don't believe that. I don't believe you ever reverse the effects of hurtful speech. Hurtful speech, those daggers that you know hurt your mate. It's like putting a nail in a wall.
You can remove the nail, but the hole remains. And that's the same with hurtful words that we speak. That's why we need to be very careful about the things we say to our mate. In James 3, 6, the writer says, The tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity. The tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body and sets on fire the course of our life and is set on fire by hell.
Just as one spark can destroy an entire forest, so one hurtful word can destroy the spirit of a marriage. How do you keep from doing that? Use a filter. Use a filter through which to think through what you're going to say to your mate before you say it.
She can never retrieve something that you've said. The filter is found in Ephesians 4, 29. Paul wrote, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word is as good for edification according to the need of the moment that it will give grace to those who hear it. Think before you speak. The great Bible teacher Alan J. Redpath uses that word, think, as an acrostic for five questions to ask before you say anything, especially to your mate.
The T in think stands for true. Is what you're saying true? In Ephesians 4, Paul said, Lay aside all falsehood. That means also things you say to your mate.
Is it true that you never do anything to help me around the house? Words that begin with always and never are usually false. It's not accurate.
Be sure what you're saying is true. The H stands for helpful. Our goal ought to be to help our mate, not to hinder him or her. Number three, the I stands for inspiring. Paul says our word should edify the other person.
That word edify, oikodome, means to build up. Is what you're saying something that is building up your mate or tearing him or her down? The N in think stands for necessary. Paul says only speak according to the need of the moment. Let me tell you a simple truth that I'm learning, trying to learn more and more. Not every thought has to be expressed.
That's what Paul says. Only speak according to the need of the moment, necessary. And K stands for kind. Is what you're saying kind? That is, even if it's a confrontation that's necessary, is it in the spirit of grace and kindness?
Ephesians 4 32 says be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. And then decision number four, to build a regret-free marriage. I will build memories, pleasant memories, with my mate. I will build memories with my mate. A happily married couple was once asked the secret of their happiness in marriage. The husband spoke up quickly.
He said, I'll tell you the secret to happiness. We dine out twice a week, champagne, violins, candlelight. Her night is Tuesday, mine is Thursday. Now, a lot of couples live that way. They just live separate lives. That was never God's plan. That doesn't mean you have to do everything together.
Remember, your mates opposite you, they're not to be like you, but you've got to spend some time together. That's why God made marriage for companionship. And yet, many people miss that point. In Ecclesiastes 9 verse 9, Solomon spoke wise words when he said, Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life, which he has given to you under the sun. For this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun. I see so many couples that are just marking time, waiting for their child to get out of diapers, waiting for their children to get out of school, waiting for the retirement years to come, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. And one day they awaken and realize most of their life is already gone.
Or there's a tragedy, they experience the loss of their mate, and they are filled with regrets. Solomon says, Don't make that mistake. Is there a hobby you'd like to do with your mate? Start it today. Is there a trip you've been dreaming of taking together? Go ahead and go today while you're still able.
If you have to borrow the money, do so. There is no promise that you're going to have tomorrow. I've dealt with lots of people. I've tried to minister to people, some of you who have lost their mate, and there's nothing, nothing that can erase the grief you feel when you lose a like partner. But I've seen that those who deal best with grief are those who have a storehouse, a museum of memories they can draw from with their mate. Not long ago I conducted a funeral service for a man who had suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack. And as I usually do, I stood at the head of the casket as people passed by to pay their respects. And as usual, the wife, the mate, was the last person to pass by, and she looked into the face of the person to whom she had loved for more than 50 years.
And she began to sob uncontrollably. And, you know, I should have been thinking just about that woman, but I couldn't help but ask myself the question, if I face that same circumstance, and there's a 50-50 chance I'll outlive my mate, if I face that same situation, how am I going to feel? How are you going to feel if you face that situation? You know, nothing will erase the pain of the loss of a mate, but I've committed, and I hope you'll join me in committing, to making these four biblical commitments that will ensure a marriage without regret. These four biblical commitments will transform a marriage, healthy ones and broken ones, no matter the case. And if you're prepared to take your next steps in cultivating a stronger marriage, I'll encourage you to request a copy of my book, Say Goodbye to Regret. It contains a full chapter on this topic, plus nine other subjects as well. A copy of my book is yours when you give a generous gift to support the growing ministry of Pathway to Victory. Now, this is a large book, more than 200 pages in length, and because of the practical and sensitive nature of this book, it might be the most important one you'll read in 2024.
Again, my book is titled Say Goodbye to Regret. Living beyond the would-haves, could-haves and should-haves. Finally today, I'm inviting you to become one of our loyal Pathway Partners. A Pathway Partner is someone who agrees to give a generous gift every month of the year.
In this relationship, you're entitled to an impressive list of special benefits. But the best part is that your giving will have 12 times the impact over the course of one year, impacting lives around the world. And your role as a Pathway Partner demonstrates that you are wholly committed to proclaiming the truth of God's Word. Here's David now to explain how to become a Pathway Partner today.
Thanks, Dr. Jeffress. You can become a Pathway Partner by following the easy steps online at ptv.org. This month we're aiming to sign up 1,200 Pathway Partners, and we need your help to reach that goal. Now when you give your first monthly gift, or when you give a one-time generous gift in support of Pathway to Victory, you're invited to request the best-selling book, Say Goodbye to Regret, by Dr. Robert Jeffress.
And when you give $75 or more, you'll also receive the complete collection of audio and video discs for this month's teaching series, Say Goodbye to Regret. Call 866-999-2965, again that's 866-999-2965, or go to ptv.org. You could also write to us if you'd like, P.O. Box 223-609, Dallas, Texas, 75222. Again, that's P.O. Box 223-609, Dallas, Texas, 75222. I'm David J. Mullins. We've all felt the sting of being wronged by someone we trust, so how can we let go of the bitterness and move on?
Learn how to say goodbye to relationship regrets. That's Friday on Pathway to Victory. Pathway to Victory with Dr. Robert Jeffress comes from the pulpit of the First Baptist Church of Dallas, Texas. You made it to the end of today's podcast from Pathway to Victory, and we're so glad you're here. Pathway to Victory relies on the generosity of loyal listeners like you to make this podcast possible. One of the most impactful ways you can give is by becoming a Pathway Partner. Your monthly gift will empower Pathway to Victory to share the gospel of Jesus Christ and help others become rooted more firmly in His Word. To become a Pathway Partner, go to ptv.org slash podcast and click on the donate button or follow the link in our show notes. We hope you've been blessed by today's podcast from Pathway to Victory.
