Choosing Forgiveness Over Bitterness – Part 2

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Now, here's today's podcast, From Pathway to Victory. God's Word with you every day on this Bible teaching program. On today's edition of Pathway to Victory, probably the single best illustration, I call it a case study in forgiveness, is found in the Old Testament story of Joseph. Let me share with you the four principles of forgiveness that you find in Joseph's story. Four steps to releasing yourself from the prison of bitterness. Welcome to Pathway to Victory with author and pastor, Dr. Robert Jeffress. At some point in life, we are going to be hurt by another person.

We simply cannot control what other people do to us, but we can control how we respond to those hurts in life. Today on Pathway to Victory, Dr. Robert Jeffress urges us to let go of bitterness and forgive those who offend us. Now, here's our Bible teacher to introduce today's message.

Dr. Jeffress. Thanks, David, and welcome again to Pathway to Victory. Many of our listeners are surprised to learn that Pathway to Victory produces a devotional magazine, sent directly to your home. It's becoming one of the most popular ministry resources in our collection. And I want you to get started with receiving this periodical right away. Pathway magazine is designed to help you stay in God's Word with daily devotional readings, feature articles about successful Christian living, and behind-the-scenes information about Pathway to Victory.

It's printed in a convenient format so that you can easily carry a copy in your briefcase or purse. And when you visit ptv.org today, you'll be invited to sign up for your first three issues at no cost or obligation. Let me turn your attention now to the subject we're addressing today. Most Christians understand that forgiveness is an honorable gesture.

It's a necessary discipline. But frankly, most people put forgiveness in the same category as a visit to the dentist office. Well, today I want to talk to you about choosing forgiveness. When we fail to choose forgiveness, the result is bitterness. This is one of the 11 attitude choices that I deal with in my extremely practical book called Choose Your Attitudes, Change Your Life. And a copy of my book is yours when you give a much-needed gift to the Ministry of Pathway to Victory.

Please follow the instructions at the end of today's program, or if it's simpler for you, just go directly to ptv.org. Now, let's get started with today's study. I titled today's message Choosing Forgiveness Over Bitterness. Turn to Matthew chapter 18 as we look at, first of all, forgiveness illustrated.

Let me tell you a story Jesus said. The kingdom of heaven can be compared to a certain king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. And when he had begun to settle them, there was brought to him one who owed him 10,000 talents. Verse 25, since the slave did not have the means to repay, the king commanded him to be sold along with his wife and children and all that he had and repayment to be made. The slave, therefore, falling down, prostrated himself before the king saying, have patience with me and I will repay you everything.

Now, how was he going to do that? It was impossible for him to repay the debt. But the Lord, verse 27, the king of that slave felt compassion and he released him and he forgave him the debt. There is the meaning of forgiveness. It's a financial term. It means to release someone of a debt. Then this is where the story takes a twist. But the slave, the one who had just been forgiven the $16 billion went out and found his fellow slave who owed him 100 denarii.

That would be about $16. And he seized him and he began to choke him saying, pay back what you owe. So his fellow slave fell down and began to entreat him saying, have patience with me. I will repay you.

Sound familiar? It's exactly what the first slave had said to the king, have patience with me and I will repay you. But unlike the king, this first slave was unwilling, verse 30 says, and he went and he threw his fellow slave into prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their Lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, the king said to him, you wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me. Should you not have also had mercy on your fellow slave even as I had mercy on you?

And the king moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. And then Jesus adds the zinger in verse 35, so shall my heavenly Father also do to you. If each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart. Now, Jesus is saying, you and I are to forgive others just as God has forgiven us.

Listen to this. First of all, we're to forgive those who don't deserve to be forgiven. We're to forgive those who don't deserve to be forgiven. And secondly, we forgive on the basis of grace, not works. We refuse to require somebody to earn our forgiveness. We grant it as a gift just as it was granted to us. Since the moment I begin this sermon, there's a name, a picture that has come in some of your minds of somebody you need to forgive.

You know what Jesus is saying right now where you are in that pew? You've got the ability to let go, to release that hurt. It doesn't matter if the other person is in the next city, the next state, or the cemetery. It doesn't matter whether that person knows he's wronged you, cares that he's wronged you.

It doesn't matter. Right now, you have the ability to forgive, Jesus says. Conditional forgiveness misinterprets scripture. Secondly, conditional forgiveness makes us a prisoner of our offender. It makes us a prisoner of our offender. When you say, I'm not going to forgive until this person does this or this or this or this, you are binding yourself to that other person emotionally. That means you can go no further in your Christian experience than that person is willing to let you go. You become their prisoner.

I've used this illustration before, but it's such a good one, I'm going to use it again. You've been to those three-legged races they used to have at old-fashioned picnics. You know what I'm talking about, the three-legged races. If you've ever been in that situation, you know, the first thought that goes through your mind is, if I could just get rid of this idiot, I could go a lot further.

But you see, three-legged races don't allow for solo contenders. You are bound to that person. You can go no faster or farther than your partner is willing to go. Listen, when you say, I'm not going to forgive so and so until they do this, this, and this, you are just wrapping yourself around that other person. You're tying to yourself emotionally to that other person.

You can't go any farther or faster than he or she is willing to let you go. But forgiveness is the process by which I separate myself from my offender. It's when I say, what this person did to me is wrong, they deserve to pay for it, but you know what, I'm going to leave that up to God. I'm going to free myself of this person. I'm going to give up my right to hurt them for hurting me. I'm going to let go so I can be free to move forward in the life God has for me. That's the freedom that comes from forgiveness.

You say, how do I do that? Probably the single best illustration, I call it a case study in forgiveness, is found in the Old Testament story of Joseph. Turn over to Genesis chapter 50 for the climax of Joseph's story.

You remember the story, don't you? Joseph was one of 12 sons of Jacob. He was the favorite son.

And because of his favorite son's status, his brothers were jealous of him and decided to get rid of him at their first opportunity. One day the opportunity came and they threw him in a pit, left him to be sold into slavery, told their father that Joseph was dead. But through a series of miraculous circumstances, God took Joseph out of that pit and put him into Pharaoh's palace in Egypt.

He was Pharaoh's right hand man. Suddenly there was a great famine that engulfed the land, not just of Israel, but of Egypt as well. And the remaining 11 brothers and their father Jacob, when they heard that there was a food that could be purchased in Egypt, they made the decision to send the brothers to Egypt to try to buy grain for their starving family. Little did they know that the man to whom they would be making their appeal to for food was in fact their own brother Joseph, whom they presumed was dead by this time. And of course in the great climactic scene, Joseph calls for his brothers to come near. And when they realize who it is, you can feel the sweat coming down off their face and dripping onto your Bible as you read that scene. And then you remember the great climactic scene, Genesis 50, 20, Joseph said, as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.

To bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. He goes on to say, it was not you who sent me here, it was God. And the Bible says, and he spoke kindly to his brothers. In closing today, let me share with you the four principles of forgiveness that you find in Joseph's story. Four steps to releasing yourself from the prison of bitterness.

First of all, acknowledge that you have been wronged. You know, forgiveness, don't be mistaken about this. Forgiveness is not denial. It's not sweeping under the rug, something bad that has happened to you.

It's not like it never happened before. Joseph was very honest. He said to his brothers, you meant it for evil. Somebody has said, you cannot forgive those you're not willing to first of all blame. You have to blame people before you can forgive people. Remember, forgiveness is about a debt, releasing a debt, something somebody owes you, literally or figuratively for what they've done to you. But for you to release that debt, you've got to acknowledge that debt exists. Sometimes you even have to calculate what that person might owe you for what they've done to you.

It might be a divorce. They may deserve prison. They may deserve the death penalty. You need to acknowledge a debt, even calculate the debt before you can release the debt. You know, Doctors Menereth and Meyer suggest that you do an inventory of your own life about those who may have wronged you who need your forgiveness.

They suggest, now put it on your outlying and your parents. Maybe yourself. Now, I always have a little trouble with that. You can't forgive yourself. Trying to forgive yourself is like trying to play solo tennis.

You can't be on the serving and the receiving end of the court at the same time. You can't forgive yourself. Only God can forgive or others you've wronged can forgive. But you can receive God's forgiveness. That's what we need to receive God's forgiveness, not granted to ourselves. Maybe a spouse who needs your forgiveness. Authority figures in your life.

Other people. Some people talk about forgiving God. Again, that technically is wrong. You can't forgive God because God can't do anything wrong. But at least looking at your hurt from God's perspective. And that is the second step of forgiveness. Once you've acknowledged the offense that has occurred, view your hurt from God's perspective. Instead of asking the question, why did this person do this to me? Ask, what is God trying to do in my life?

What is he trying to do in my life? That's what Joseph did. He said to his brothers, you meant it for evil. But he goes on to say, but God used it for good. To bring about this present circumstance.

To preserve many people alive. You know what Joseph was saying to his brothers? He said, what you did was rotten.

It was wrong. But thankfully I serve a God who is bigger than you are. God was able to take your worst motivations, your worst intentions and use them for my good and for his glory. Do you believe in a God that powerful?

A God who is so big, so wise, so powerful that he can take the worst things that happened to you and use them for good. Joseph got to see the result of that hurt and how God used it for good. Because Joseph was sold into slavery, because he was in Egypt, because he was Pharaoh's right-hand man, he was in a position of influence. It was Joseph who suggested that Pharaoh store up the grain for the time of famine that was coming.

It was Joseph who was in a place of privilege to be able to sell food to his brother and keep his whole family alive. He believed in a God who was bigger than his offenders. Now, sometimes God allows us to see the good that comes from our hurt. But sometimes we go to our grave without ever seeing it. We have to wait into heaven to see how it all worked together. But we can claim that great promise of Romans 8 28.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. Paul's not saying all things are good. There's nothing good about abuse. There's nothing good about divorce. There's nothing good about adultery. There's nothing good about murder.

There's nothing good about any of those things. But God is so powerful, he can take the worst things people want to do and use them for his good and his glory. Isn't that what Peter said in Acts chapter 2? He said, this man Jesus was delivered up by the predetermined plan of God and you nailed him to the cross. He said, what you? And he was talking to the people who had crucified Christ just 50 days earlier. He said, you did it for evil.

You were angry. You nailed him to the cross. But it was all according to the predetermined plan of God. That's the kind of God we serve, a God who can take the worst things that happen to you and use them for good. Romans 8 29 says, for whom God foreknew he predestined to be conformed to the image of his will. Even if you go your entire life without seeing the good that comes, you can know that that heartache you've experienced is making you more and more like Jesus Christ. Hebrews 5 8 says, although Jesus was the son, he learned obedience by the things that he suffered.

God is at work. Try to see what it is God is doing in your life. View your hurt from God's perspective. Thirdly, acknowledge your failure and receive God's forgiveness. Acknowledge your failure and receive God's forgiveness. Now I don't want you to misunderstand this. I'm not engaging in victim blaming here.

But what I am saying is this. You can never truly forgive other people until you have received God's forgiveness. And you will never receive God's forgiveness until you understand how desperately you need it. You and I have done things that are wrong for which we need forgiveness. And you and I will never be in a position to grant forgiveness to others until we realize the forgiveness we need from God. I found that those people who have a hard time forgiving really have an inflated view of their own righteousness.

They really don't understand in God's eyes what sinners they are and how much they need his grace and his mercy. And that's why it's important if you're ever going to forgive others, you receive God's forgiveness in your life. Trying to forgive somebody without receiving forgiveness is like trying to write a check on an account for which you have no money.

It just bounces from here to the moon, the check does. Same thing if you try to forgive somebody without having received God's forgiveness. We forgive because we have been forgiven. Fourth, finally, there comes a time when we actually have to choose forgiveness over bitterness.

We can't choose what other people do to us, but we can make the choice of letting go, forgiving, or holding on and being destroyed. Just think for a moment, what would have happened if Joseph, instead of forgiving, would have held on to that bitterness? What if he had said, here those brothers are, this is my chance to get even with them, I'm not going to sell them any grain, or I'm going to execute them right here on the spot.

Just think about it. If they had done that, that would have wiped out not just Joseph's family, but those 12 sons were the nucleus, the 12 tribes of Israel. There would not only have been no family, there would have been no Israel. And if there had been no Israel, there would have been no Messiah.

And if there had been no Messiah, you and I would still be left in the consequences of our sin for all eternity. One man's decision to choose forgiveness over bitterness still reverberates today to your life and my life. Why should I forgive? Well, there's certainly some great spiritual reasons to forgive.

The best one is what Jesus talked about in this parable we looked at. He said, so shall my heavenly father do to you if you do not forgive his brother from your heart. Just as that slave was thrown into the prison and tortured day and night, so shall my heavenly father do to you. If you're not sure what he's talking about there, listen to his words in Matthew 6, 14 and 15. Jesus said, for if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your father will not forgive your transgressions. You know, I hear people all the time trying to explain away those verses.

Well, what Jesus meant was, what Jesus meant was what Jesus said. If you do not forgive other people, God will not forgive you and you will die in your sins. Pastor, you said I'm going to lose my salvation.

No, I'm not saying you lose your salvation. What I'm saying is if you find yourself saying over and over again like I hear some people say, I will not forgive. I will not forgive. I will not forgive this person. It's not that you lose your salvation.

It means you never had it to begin with. Because when you truly understand the great debt from which God has forgiven you, it's only natural that you would extend that forgiveness to somebody else. Forgiveness is the obligation of those who have been forgiven. That's the spiritual reason for forgiving.

But there's a practical reason that affects our life right now. The fact is, forgiveness leads to life. Bitterness leads to emotional and sometimes even physical death.

It is a poison that will destroy you and everyone around you. The great theologian Frederick Beekner once wrote with tongue firmly in cheek, of the seven deadly sins, anger is perhaps the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontation to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you're giving others and the pain you're receiving in return. Why, in many ways, it's a feast fit for a king.

The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you. Are there offenses in your life that you need to acknowledge? Are there hurts in your life that you need to release?

Go ahead and acknowledge that hurt. Release it and begin today to experience the freedom that comes from choosing forgiveness over bitterness. If someone has popped into your mind today and God's Spirit is nudging you, please respond to His call. Don't allow the day to pass without reaching out to extend a hand of forgiveness. You'll never regret your gesture of grace. This is one of the eleven attitude choices I've addressed in my book called Choose Your Attitudes, Change Your Life.

And I'd like to expedite a copy to your home right away. Most of us struggle with granting forgiveness, especially when we feel like the victim, not the perpetrator. In my book, I'll show you how to take your first steps so that bitterness never takes root in your life. In addition to choosing forgiveness, my book tackles other relevant attitude choices, such as choosing faith over worry. In my book, I'll show you how to take your first steps so that bitterness never takes root in your life. In my book, I'll show you how to take your first steps so that bitterness never takes root in your life. This book would stimulate great conversation in your small group Bible study.

And it's the perfect gift for a son or daughter as well, or even perhaps a grandchild. Ask for your copy of Choose Your Attitudes, Change Your Life when you give a generous gift to support the ministry of Pathway to Victory. In closing, thank you for boldly stepping forward with your generous gift today. I can assure you that your partnership has never been more critical as we walk through this season of global uncertainty. Men and women around the world have come to rely on Pathway to Victory as their daily source of strength and encouragement. Your consistent giving will ensure these relationships continue without interruption.

David? Thanks, Dr. Jeffress. When you give a generous gift to support the ministry of Pathway to Victory, we'll send you a copy of the book called Choose Your Attitudes, Change Your Life. It's written to help you live out the principles we're learning in this study. Give a gift and request the book when you call 866-999-2965 or online go to ptv.org. Now when you give $75 or more, you'll receive the book as well as our current teaching series called Choose Your Attitudes, Change Your Life on both CD and DVD.

You'll also get a group or individual study guide. Again, call 866-999-2965 or go online to ptv.org. You could also write to us, P.O. Box 223-609, Dallas, Texas, 75222. That's P.O. Box 223-609, Dallas, Texas, 75222.

I'm David J. Mullins. Join us again Thursday for the next attitude choice, choosing productivity over laziness, right here on Pathway to Victory with Dr. Robert Jeffress. Pathway to Victory with Dr. Robert Jeffress comes from the pulpit of the First Baptist Church of Dallas, Texas. Picture yourself relaxing aboard a luxury cruise ship as you sail the Mediterranean Sea on the Pathway to Victory Journeys of Paul Mediterranean Cruise. This 11-day journey will take you to unforgettable destinations in Italy, Turkey, and Greece.

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