Sports Were Taken Away From Him in High School... So He Became a Coach

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But his inspiration ended up not being a person at all. It was sports. Here's Richard with his story. I grew up in a small section of Gretna right on the other side of the river from New Orleans and historically it's not much different from New Orleans per se as the culture goes. We had one room with a large number of people living on top of each other in one bed you had really at the beginning you had one bed so maybe three or four boys were sleeping in that one bed and then eventually we got some bump beds so you have one on the top one on the bottom and then maybe two or three would land in a big bed and my sister would land on a couch in the living room. You were always on the go too because you know you live by that rule you just stay outside until it's time to eat. So you're you know you're either involved in games that you make up your own little world of climbing on trains jumping trains to get to the ballpark as they're moving I mean come on you got to try that once right? Swimming in the river and you could just get up on the barges and jump into the river so that was fun and it was kind of like growing up like Tom Sawyer and you know we didn't lack for anything because we didn't know what it was like to have anything the way I can describe growing up where I grew up all you needed was a pair of shorts and some underwear and you were good to go you know you didn't have to worry about shoes.

Well you know in New Orleans you're either going to a celebration or you're gonna make one up there's never a worry you just go on to the next day or the next thing and the next event. Now New Orleans is not a part of this world as far as I'm concerned but for me it affected me seeing how it affected other people the drug life I've seen people die at an early age friends who have lost to overdoses you know fighting came early and often and I was pretty good at it so you know it's a hard environment to get out of I mean they're entrenched but it's it has that kind of spell on you. So at home it's it's an abusive situation you know I'd had my share of abuse I'd seen more than my fair share of abuse my mother suffered severely with depression she's trying to raise six children in a small house my dad was a blue-collar worker and their marriage was one big ball of conflict I would scratch my head every day thinking how did they get married so I watched a lot of wars you know then you got to in this small space you got to witness alcohol but you were also living under these guidelines or this you know paint by color orders this is what you do this is how you do it you don't ask questions get moving boom so your curiosity was shot so life's in motion all these things that are happening inside the home get softened somewhat by sports it was the one thing I was really good at that I could enjoy I didn't you know was I was lands away when I was playing ball you know you can get on a ball field and fresh grass and sweaty uniforms and basically not going to snot out each other if you're in football and and enjoying it and not get arrested for it are you thrown in detention or whatever it was like man I can do this my mother's cousin was Mellott and I knew I had some athletic influences in me you know I would watch some things on TV I'd see athletes play and I'd go out and try to replicate it and I'd keep working at it until I got pretty good and loved it just absolutely loved it loved competing you know I was determined of being the best on the field all the time I played ball at school so you know growing up had success at sports had a lot of trophies trophies were put on the mantelpiece in a very interesting environment you know I had a shotgun and a record play and a crucifix surrounded by it so the heavy hand at home was coming down on me pretty good and I'd run scared from everything I just witnessed and then I'd run trying to get back into the football game because that's where the comfort was and I never got to have in a relationship with someone to kind of soften the blows or maybe give me some sage advice or just point me along the way so I think from that part of my childhood going in right before I hit high school I was wanting something to kind of say that you know Richard you are a decent human being or you you are this you are that and kind of build up my self-esteem a little bit instead of always being held under thumb and just generally just to feel like being loved so I was a pretty pretty confused child I had a lot of talent from my shoulders on down at that point but I did not have a whole lot of confidence between my ears Richard went to an all boys Catholic school one day a boy in his class decided to play a prank on the teacher and when he invited Richard to take part in it he declined so eventually the guys caught and I wanted to check to see how the teacher was doing I was being sincere I purposely missed the bus stayed after school and went and visit her in a classroom she was there grading papers and I knocked on the door and we started a conversation and that's where really the relationship began you know she was heavily influential on me because she was a mother figure to a degree she was my teacher she was the first homecoming queen at the University of New Orleans she was absolutely gorgeous you know she had it all and the way she interacted with me and the conversations we had I felt like for the first time I was learning and actually talking to someone who gave me the time and the attention and felt sincere about it so your mind goes to these places because you're hoping and thinking and wishing that this lady's going to set you straight and help you out you know after Richard talked with his teacher for a while she offered to give him a ride home from school we walked to the parking lot and there is a burnt orange 1972 Montego and I thought oh gosh teachers must get paid a lot of money and I got in and it was you know this brand new smell and the ride home was unlike anything I'd experienced in my life it was calm it was musical it was fun and funny it was wit being shared it was laughter and it stuck with me but the drive home you know that day was the the first and then she just asked me if I need a ride home so I stopped riding the bus and started riding with her and we're listening to Richard Herzog author of pay dirt share his story with us growing up in New Orleans small house one bed then bunk beds always on the go as he said we stayed outside until it was time to eat kind of like growing up like Tom Sawyer he described but not so much for the home life the celebrations of New Orleans well lots of drugs lots of alcohol and lots of abuse in the family my parents marriage was one big ball of conflict I was lands away however when I played sports and then that teacher of his who just taught him about a different world in that car ride home some peace some laughter and some encouragement and love when we come back more of Richard Herzog's story here on Our American Stories. And we're back with Our American Stories and with Richard Herzog when we last left off he'd begun to form what he thought was an innocent relationship with his teacher hoping she would be a mentor for him let's return to Richard. It was the last day of school and she had driven me home and well I thought it's been good but I've got all this tightness in me like I'm a loser I'm not gonna get to talk to her anymore you know I was romanticizing but I gotta accept the reality of it no matter what I'm thinking I have to accept the reality she's married and I just have to go on. Over the summer Richard had a job working at a local family-owned restaurant called Purdue's.

I think that helped me move on a little bit you got the things you love you got you've got sports you've got your job and so I learned how to keep busy in that moment. And we're at work one night and Ms. Purdue answers the phone and I'm just standing nearby and she says Richard you have a telephone call I'm thinking who's calling me at work and it was her she said I've been thinking and I like talking to you and like being with you and I want to see you again let's get together and away we went. It was then that Richard's teacher told him if he gave up his sports which practiced every Saturday they could instead spend that time together. By then I was heavily influenced now she's my drug of choice basically so you know whatever she said I listened to and it was like yeah okay she wants to see me and I'm gonna give up sports to do this so yeah by then pretty much far gone I didn't tell anyone until it started to get physical but no one knew what to do about it. After several months of spending time together informing this inappropriate relationship Richard's teacher asked him if he would come for a ride with her. She was quieter than she normally was and then just basically just tells me we can't go on like this anymore and we can't do this anymore.

I think by this moment in time people are talking and there's still no answers as to exactly what happened other than that she said she got scared and ran so that's where it was left basically I mean it was like right then and there. So there was so much to deal with I couldn't tell my parents I couldn't tell the administration certainly wasn't going to go to a priest and that was the hard part there's just no help it's just shutting the door had nowhere to go had no one to talk to I didn't think anybody would believe me and so I would see her on a daily basis and I'm a zombie I am in a total inexplicable fog and so that's how I'm living every day two years of high school of going through that was excruciating to say the least but I was also determined that I was going to get through it I wasn't gonna let her kill me by the time I got out of high school you know I had these jobs that were just crazy they were going nowhere fast I could accept things as they were you know live where I was living drink beer get up and do it again and think life was good you know I could have settled for that but and I got to thinking that you know what I've wasted all my talent that this is not what I'm supposed to be I just was not fulfilling my potential they I think God had given me. At this point Richard started going to football games at the high school he'd attended to watch his friend John who was the quarterback. I would sit in the stands and I would be filled with so much anger and resentment and not towards John or the team or anything I was pulling for them but the resentment of that could have been me so I would walk out of the stadium during these games being probably the meanest maddest person and everybody else is celebrating and I'm like you know just get away from me because I'm ready to fight so that was me standing in the fire I went and I faced that and I knew it would be hard but that drove me I got to do something if I can't be a ballplayer then I'm going to coach and I decided to turn the page then in there Richard's friend John was being recruited by Ole Miss to play football and he told Richard he should go there too for college. I never heard of Ole Miss except for Archie Manning I didn't know who Ole Miss was but I knew who Archie Manning was well this John's getting recruited I'm living right next door to him so all these recruiters are coming in his house and when he decides that he wants to sign with Ole Miss Archie shows up at the house and of course I'm over there and I'm meeting Archie Manning and Steve Sloan and so I got to thinking yeah man I'd really like to go up there I came up before I actually you know enrolled in school and saw it and I was like yeah I like this place and getting seven eight hours away was kind of a cure for me you know I could separate myself at that point and there was something about it that grabbed my soul but I also know that I'm here to focus and I want to get my degree and I want to coach so I got on that track of that's what's happening and I mean God must have been looking at me something because I end up running the athletic dorm here I was in charge of 400 athletes and you know then I'm getting to travel with the team and I'm at some of the practices and it's like wow but you know in all this the darkness is still there the problem the issue is still there by the law and by definition you know it was statutory rape which I had no idea what that was at the time because I did not know the difference between improper and a proper relationship in my mind I was like well true this is how relationships are whether you're married or not you know that you can't really commit to something and that's what I learned at an early age so I was in therapy and knowing something was wrong it was just like a miracle you know the lady said I'm gonna send you to this counselor who can give you this test and I think she can help you so I take the test and I scored high and that's not a good thing but it does give you answers and the answers for me were to get into the 12-step program and I felt like it was the first time I had been in church in a long long time but the term there's so much empathy and you know spiritual togetherness that you're all rowing in the same boat going in the same direction you know and you just really want to get well I quit drinking I started lifting weights started running doing all these things getting healthier after going through 12 steps and working with Ole Miss athletics Richard then went on to become head football coach at another school in Tennessee and led the team to four state championships so one accomplishment is building on top of the other which that in itself was the therapy if there is such a thing for me and then as you accomplish something you gain more confidence and that's when I started to think okay I got some confidence here it's time for me to be more proactive than I've been and I thought that forgiving was important because it all boils down to she was an adult and what she did was abuse and caused a lifetime of grief and I wanted to forgive her I wanted to forgive myself forgiving her was extremely difficult because you're always caught between forgiving and forgetting and then the ugly part of me would you know the anger would rise again and like can I really forgive her you know you said you did but can you really do this and that was always very difficult but I felt like I could confront all of it and have some clarity and I was like there's got to be a voice for people who have had the experience I had this happens to males too believe it or not and I want them to know that if they have this and they're going through what I went through they don't have to take their life they can win and you know I think the best thing that you can do is forgive so in the end I beat it and a terrific job by Madison Derricotte on the production and a special thanks to Richard Herzog author of pay dirt and how he overcame the sexual abuse and let's face it that was sexual abuse and men face it too from women and from men that's as important telling those and sharing those stories as when women do and my goodness getting to Ole Miss and we broadcast right here in Oxford Mississippi getting seven and eight hours away from what happened to him but in the end he still had to face the darkness and the way to do it was forgiveness we have found that again and again that when the victim forgives the victimizer life began the story of Richard Herzog a terrific overcoming story here on our American stories. Sound is personal intimate and emotive just like this podcast we are audio stack dot AI we combine AI writing the best synthetic voices like ours with production like music and mastering and deliver them to be heard be it ads podcasts or VOs for video just like this ad you're listening to right now however we have millions of spots just like this on podcasts and rather than hearing from us we want to hear from you how would you like to win an AI audio campaign for free do you work with businesses products events or causes that could benefit from free promotion on podcasts in the coming month tell us how you might use synthetic voices or dynamically change ads for a society and culture podcast like this versus science music or even comedy go to audio stack dot AI forward slash contest and your company could be heard by millions see web page for T's and C's have you ever wondered what it would be like to have supervision enhanced hearing extraordinary reflexes to be dare we say superhuman well Roku's new pro series TV can't do any of that for you but with a 4k screen side firing speakers and a blazing fast refresh rate it'll sure feel like it elevate your entertainment using all your favorite apps like I heart and play all your music radio and podcasts with the new Roku pro series your senses aren't better your TV is hello it is Ryan and we could all use an extra bright spot in our day couldn't we just to make up for things like sitting in traffic doing the dishes counting your steps you know all the mundane stuff that is why I'm such a big fan of Chumba casino Chumba casino has all your favorite social casino style games you can play for free anytime anywhere with daily bonuses that should brighten your day look actually a lot so sign up now at Chumba casino calm that's Chumba casino calm this is Malcolm Gladwell from revisionist history eBay Motors is here for the ride with some elbow grease fresh installs and a whole lot of love you transformed a hundred thousand miles and a body full of rust into a drive that's all your own brake kits LED headlights whatever you need eBay Motors has it and with eBay guaranteed fit it's guaranteed to fit your ride the first time every time or your money back plus at these prices you're burning rubber not cash keep your ride or die alive at eBay motors.com eligible items only exclusions apply take a deep dive into the stories making the news headlines across the world the news agents we're not just here to tell you what's happening but why from me Emily Maitlis and me John Sopel with global's award-winning podcast the news agents dropping daily covering everything you need to know about politics and current affairs and the news agents USA following every twist and turn in the race for the White House listen to the news agents on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.