The Unmarried Couple Who Got Buried Together—and Why

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Share them with us at OurAmericanStories.com. Your stories are some of the best we do here on this show. And today we bring you the story of Tom Ryan, a 95-year-old listener of our show in Los Angeles. Tom had an unusual upbringing. He grew up in Long Island, New York, living behind a funeral parlor run by his family. And he wrote a book about it entitled, Love in the Ashes. Today he brings us a story you're going to have to hear to believe.

It's all about love, old-fashioned values, and, well, breaking the law. Here's Tom. I slipped the ring on her finger, said I do, and thought it was forever.

Boy, was I wrong. So I've joined the shuffling line of millions of lonely people, wondering where it all went wrong. What do you do with 15 years of memories? It is reassuring, however, to know that there are couples who make it through 40 or 50 years of marriage. Of course, they are usually as astonished as anyone else that they made it. That look of surprise in their newspaper anniversary pictures isn't an accident. I even know of a couple who made it that long without being married.

It started in those lean depression days of the late 30s in my small New England hometown, where any woman who dyed her hair or plucked her eyebrows was snickered at, and divorce was something for movie stars. Dr. Joe was the town doctor, a quiet mumbling man who made house calls at any hour of the day or night. He brought our family through all sorts of medical crises. He was devoted Catholic and he had a wife and two kids.

He was so lost in his work, however, that his wife finally skipped off with a touring actor and even took the kids with her. Dr. Joe only worked harder after that. When I passed the bar exam in the 50s, he toyed with the idea of turning over years of unpaid bills to me for collection, but he never had the heart to do it.

He was too nice. Dr. Joe met Clara Jensen at church social functions. Clara's husband had died in a plane crash a few years earlier. They became bridge partners and shared a basket at church outings and they fell totally in love. According to my mother, who with her brother Jim ran a family funeral home a block away from the church and was a close friend of both, said they made great efforts to get a church annulment of his first marriage so that they could marry him.

But in those days, the church was very rigid. Years drifted by, but they never gave up hope. I lost track of them after having moved to the west coast, but my 90-year-old mother sometimes mentioned them in our weekly phone conversations. During my last trip home, chatting over our usual cup of tea at her old kitchen table, I asked mom about Dr. Joe and Clara. She didn't answer. Instead, she rose and hovered over the tea kettle on the stove, pretending to be busy. She said, talking to the tea kettle, I've done something very wrong. Jojo Sullivan just called to tell me about it.

She hesitated and then turning to me with eyes blazing and a smile of satisfaction set deep in her cheeks and I am so happy that I did it. What? I said, not quite sure of what I had heard. What's the joke, Helen Murphy?

No joke. She started to sniffle. I stood up and embraced the lumpy little figure I had loved all my life, kissing her incredibly soft, freckled cheek. Hey, you got a lawyer, son, don't worry.

I can spring any woman who still doesn't eat meat on Friday and hasn't missed daily mass in years, unless you've committed mass murder. She shook her head as she dabbed at her eyes and nose with a tissue, waving away my attempt at humor. Have some more tea, she said, as she refilled our cups.

I waited until she was ready to talk and then it came and then it came spilling out. You asked about Dr. Joe and Clara. Oh dear, I thought I had told you on the phone.

Told me what? Dr. Joe died a few months ago. I think you were in Europe. He was raking leaves in his garden. The newspaper delivery boy found him. Oh no, was Clara with him? No, she was at her own place. She still had her own place? Didn't they live together?

No, of course not, Mike. My God, they went together for 30 or 40 years. Didn't they sleep?

She shook her head. They were very close, but they were also good Catholics. And when we come back, this unique voice and a listener to Our American Stories, and we're listening to Tom Ryan talking about the story of Dr. Joe and Clara Benson. Tom had moved out to the West Coast.

His mom was still back on the East Coast, out on Long Island, and catching up on the news of this couple that he looked up to and admired. Another great listener's story here on Our American Stories. Lee Habib here, the host of Our American Stories. Every day on this show, we're bringing inspiring stories from across this great country. Stories from our big cities and small towns, but we truly can't do the show without you. Our stories are free to listen to, but they're not free to make. If you love what you hear, go to our americanstories.com and click the donate button. Give a little, give a lot.

Go to our americanstories.com and give. Following last year's amazing turnout, the Black Effect Podcast Network and Nissan are helping HBCU scholars jumpstart their futures by throwing another Thrill of Possibility Summit. The Thrill of Possibility Summit is an opportunity to network with peers and professionals and gain career knowledge from leaders in the industries of science, technology, engineering, art, and math, also known as STEAM. To kick it off, Nissan is giving 50 HBCU scholars who major in STEAM disciplines the opportunity for an all-expenses-paid trip to Nashville, Tennessee. This year's summit location, this is a remarkable opportunity to be mentored by some of auto, tech, and podcasting's brightest minds, bringing together notable voices of the Black Effect Podcast Network featuring Charlamagne the God, John Hope Bryant, and Debbie Brown, all brought to you by Nissan. Success is a journey. You're in the driver's seat. To learn more about the Thrill of Possibility Summit, please visit www.blackeffect.com slash nissan. from Boost Infinite and free candy.

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See app for details. And we continue with our American stories. And this one is from a listener, Tom Ryan. And Tom grew up at a funeral parlor run by his family in Long Island, moved to LA. But there was this one couple he always thought about and admired. And that's Joe and Clara. He was having a conversation with his mom when we last left off.

And let's pick it up right here. People had standards in those days, not like today. All those years, unbelievable I'm with it. They always thought they would marry, but the diocese was so strict. So strict, she shook her head. How's she taking it?

I asked. Tears started to flow again as she said with a sob. That's the other sad news. Clara passed away just last week. Remember I told you last year that she was fighting cancer. Dr. Joe was doing all he could for her, but then he went. I stared at the bottom of my teacup. That's so sad, both of them.

So you had them wiped out in front within a few months of each other? She nodded. A voice dropped off as she said, that's what I have to tell you. I broke the law. I did something I shouldn't have, but I feel so glad I did.

Seeing the confused look on my face, she continued. Dr. Joe donated his vital organs to science. His two children finally turned up and requested that his remains be cremated. Their mother had recently died, they said. As usual, the crematorium returned Dr. Joe's ashes to us, and I stored them out in the hall closet.

I nodded as I recalled the hall closet from childhood. Stacks of canister of ashes had lined the shelves of the closet for years. Many were never claimed by the families who either moved away or didn't want to come in and pay the funeral bill. Many of the paper name tags had fallen off.

Sometimes before air conditioning, those with no name tags were used to prop open the front doors on hot summer nights at crowded wakes. I always smiled when I realized that unbeknownst to anyone else, the unclaimed ashes of a big muckaduck politician, as my mom called him, were used on many a hot night to humbly hold the door open for the constituents he had fleeced for so many years. Do Dr. Joe's kids want the ashes? I asked. Yes, Mom replied, they're fighting over the estate.

It's sizable. Both children have lawyers. The daughter was adopted and the son is claiming that she isn't entitled to anything.

It's gotten pretty petty. Now both lawyers are claiming the ashes right away. So that's what George O'Sullivan was talking to you about? Yes, he sent me a copy of a court order. She pulled a blue backed legal document from her nearby knitting basket and handed it to me. I guess it says I'm to give the ashes over to the court. As I read the order, I nodded in agreement. Yep, that's it.

So what's so hot about that? She didn't answer directly. Instead, she put down her teacup, looked out the kitchen bay window dreamily, and said, Clara looked so beautiful in the casket and her peach dress, her hair done the way she liked it, her good pearls. She started to sniffle while speaking.

Well, they waited for each other a very long time in full grace, so I'm sure they're together in heaven, I volunteered. She blessed and with a tight smile played around the corners of her mouth. I helped things a little, she murmured.

Helped things, I asked. An unsettling chill slid down my spine. She looked straight at me and said, when all the mourners had gone, the men were loading them into the limits to go to church. I went back to say a last goodbye to Clara before they came back to close the casket. I was all alone with her having a good cry when suddenly I remembered Dr. Joe's ashes in the closet. So, so, so she spoke rapidly.

I pried off the top of the canister with those pliers we keep in that closet and poured all of Dr. Joe's ashes onto Clara's lap and into the satin lining of the casket. A voice rose with pride as she finished. A warm glow surged through me. You mean, a smile cut me off.

Mike, Clara, and Dr. Joe are finally joined together in eternity, and I'm so happy for them that I just want to burst with joy when I think of it. I know that legally I had no right to disturb those ashes. Tears of happiness rolled down her freckled face, and now I'm in trouble. The court wants the ashes.

What should I do? I kneeled next to her chair and hugged her and comforted her. She didn't see the tears of pride in the corners of my eyes. My mind raced as I searched for an answer. Mom, I talk quietly over her shoulder while still holding her. The law is very hard in ways, but it tries to be responsive to our human needs and desires.

We know, and I'm sure Judge O'Sullivan would agree, if he knew, that he would want to be with Clara. You did something beautiful. She broke away for a moment to dab her nose and eyes with the tissue. I stayed close to her and started to speak, but she blurted, he knows, and started to cry again. What? I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say. I didn't speak, but she blurted, he knows, and started to cry again.

What? He knows, she repeated. Judge O'Sullivan knows what you did?

She nodded. He's an old friend. We buried his mother and father. He knew Dr. Joe and Clara. They were close. I couldn't lie to him.

I plopped down the chair, wow, was all I could manage. He said, to talk to you, she continued, he knows you're a lawyer. What else did he say?

Not much. He was silent when I told him. I think he almost cried. His voice broke, sort of. He said, to talk to you, and oh yes, to tell you to get a canister of ashes with Dr. Joe's name on it, to his court clerk. That's exactly what he said? Get a canister of ashes with Dr. Joe's name on it?

Yes. She just nodded and sniffled. I sipped my tea and smiled. The kitchen was quiet, except for the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway.

I headed for the hall closet. And what a story, and thanks to Tom Ryan. And again, he's a 95-year-old listener. What a voice.

What a story. And my goodness, there was a time, I mean, imagine that. The Catholic church wouldn't annul that wedding. And so these two just could never live together. They just couldn't live together. They always thought they'd marry, but things were so strict.

So, so strict. The mom said that. And my goodness, the way Tom's mom handled things, I broke the law.

And I'm so glad I did. And sometimes, you know, folks, the rules don't make any sense. And that's a hard thing to teach your kids, because you've got to teach them to follow the rules. Except when they shouldn't, right?

Except when they shouldn't. Tom Ryan's story and his mom's story about Joe and Clara, all of their stories together, here on Our American Stories. Introducing Uber Teen Accounts. If you have a teenager, you probably drive them around a lot.

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