"The Business Side" of Infant Loss: A Thank You to My Husband

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See app for details. This is our American stories. And every month, we tell the stories of lives lost through miscarriage, stillborn birth, and sudden infant death syndrome.

And we do that because in 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October infant loss month. And a lot a lot of people know about that. But so many people experience this. So many families across this country. It's one of those things I think more people need to talk about. And we've had personal experience here on the show, with miscarriage and stillborn birth.

Me personally, my wife's best friend in Baltimore, Pam. She had one miscarriage and oh my goodness, the grief. And then she went back. She and her husband committed to having another child and she got pregnant. She was so happy, but she was so scared. And then came the news. She lost another.

And I'd never seen that kind of grief in my life. And so we bring you these stories and we want to hear yours by the way. Write to us.

We'll help you write to us. We'll help you record your story. And don't worry. We're not afraid to hear you cry. We're not afraid of the grief. And share it with others.

It'll help. Today's story comes from Megan Byer, who experienced a stillborn birth. And in spite of the haze of her suffering, she made the effort to write her husband a tribute, a tribute of gratitude.

She graciously recorded it for us. Together, we held our son who was stillborn in the middle of the night. You helplessly watched your daughter take her last breath on my warm bare chest. You were always calm, collected, and stoic, although grieving in your own man way. As my world fell apart, somehow you did not.

I'm in awe of that each and every single day. Difficult decisions and logistics were all part of your job. You calmly stepped out for phone calls. You spoke to the nurses and birth registrar. You made the arrangements with the funeral home and met with them before I did, arranged the cremations, and obtained the gift. Arranged the cremations and obtained death certificates when insurance needed it.

You worked out all the payments with whomever needed paid. Not one complaint ever crossed your lips through all those long dark days. As my body healed and my heart ached from the traumatic deliveries, you wrapped your arms around me and held my soul so tightly.

We cried together many lonely nights as we grieved the path we envisioned. I think back in awe of the strength you displayed, your determinations, and wise decisions. You took off work from my follow-up appointments, made me dinner, and listened to all my fears. When medical bills arrived, you made sure they stayed out of sight, even when it didn't prevent any tears.

After long hours at work, you would come home to me, a sad and broken woman. You supported me when I quit nursing and went back to waiting tables. You encouraged me to go back to school and find myself again.

You knew when to listen and when to challenge my reckless and crazy grit. You've been critical to my success, frequently squashing seeds of doubt, never wavering in your love and commitment to a pipe dream of one day having a family. Each year, when the dates roll by and you're the only one to notice, you genuinely hug me, give me a kiss, and sometimes flowers are in order.

Late at night, sometimes when my tears hit your chest, you sigh a deep sad breath before you kiss me goodnight. Someday we will tell the true story to our girls, all of the sad and intimate details, the truth about our family story, not the Facebook fairy tales. I envision they will shed a tear for the children that came before, maybe grateful for the lessons we learned or the ones we had in store. Occasionally, gratefulness flows over me with the sight of our stunning girls, and I'm almost thankful for our losses.

These girls have changed our world. Life would be so different without them and the visceral joy they bring. Yet still, a silent storm of sorrow leaves us constantly grieving.

Nowadays, our life keeps us busy. Love and laughter heals most the pain. But the ache and sorrow never really leaves.

It just simply hides away. Thank you for your endless dedication to us in our tiny dream. The burden feels so heavy, but you're so inspiring.

You've gracefully carried more pain than most will ever know. Thank you. It's a gesture that I owe. Always know that I am here for you, and I see the true man you are. You are my husband, lover, and very best friend.

Till death do us part. And thank you for that, Megan. And in the end, you know, we were talking about this, and there are two kind of husbands.

A husband who gets a letter like that, and a husband who doesn't. And we love bringing you these stories, hopefully to inspire you to become that man. And also that woman, because listen to the grace of Megan and the beauty of her writing, and what we can all come over and come through and get past with love and with patience. This is our American stories. Megan's story.

Infant loss month. We do this well because we have to, and because somebody has to. And again, please share your stories with us.

Men too. You suffer this loss. We'll help you record the story. This is Lee Habib, host of Our American Stories, the show where America is the star in the American people.

And we do it all from the heart of the South, Oxford, Mississippi. But we truly can't do this show without you. Our shows will always be free to listen to, but they're not free to make. If you love what you hear, consider making a tax-deductible donation to Our American Stories. Go to OurAmericanStories.com.

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