Porn to Reborn: Crissy's Story

State Farm is committed to being your top choice when insuring the things that matter to you. My cultura podcast host, Dramos, also believes in the power of financial knowledge. That's why he makes sure to share his financial tips on his podcast, Life as a Gringo. When it comes to investments and it's real estate, I didn't want to just buy a house.

I wanted to buy a property that also made me money, you know, so I ended up buying an investment property, a mixed-use property. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Learn more at es.statefarm.com. State Farm is a proud partner of the My Cultura Podcast Network. The Today Show, weekday mornings at 7 on NBC.

With iHeart Radio and Southwest Airlines. This is Lee Habib and this is our American stories, and we tell stories about everything here on this show, from the arts to sports and from business to history and everything in between. And this next story comes to us from Houston, Texas, where we are heard on KTRH 740, a great member of the iHeart family. In 2006, Chrissy Moran fled the porn industry. Today, the married Chrissy outlaw helps other women do the same. And just a note, parts of the subject matter here might not be appropriate for young, young children, but teenagers are over, and it's worth them listening to this story, too.

Here's Chrissy to share her story. My earliest memories were probably when I was four years old. My mom and my dad, there was a time when they went to church every Sunday.

My dad was very, very, very religious in every sense of the word. When I was four years old, he told me that if any man ever touched me, to let him know and he would kill them. As a four year old, that was terrifying. So the first time that I was molested, I was four years old and I went across the street to swim in our neighbor's pool. They had kids and me and my brother went over there and their father was the one who molested me. And I was kind of scared because I'm like, I don't want to tell anybody what if my dad kills somebody.

So I never told anybody until around 30 years old when I told somebody. And my mom and my dad, their relationship was really toxic. He had started drinking and became an alcoholic, was drinking all the time. He became violent. He would get angry at dumb things. He's flipped over our dinner table.

He has put his fist through things. He was erratic and out of control. And it was scary. My mom tried to shelter us from his anger. You know, when they would have fights, she would tell us to go in our room and close the door. And we never really talked about it. But around 12 years old or so, they ended up sitting us down and saying that they're going to get a divorce. So when I was 13 and my mom had remarried and she married a police officer and he was very likable.

And I decided I would rather live with my mom where things seemed a little more stable. So my dad got really upset. And when he got upset, he would cry.

He cries like snot comes out of his nose, like I'm talking intense crying. And he did that quite a bit. But to let me go, it really broke his heart. And he did say, you know, if you move on with your mom, you're going to become a whore like her. And my mom was not a whore.

She's only been with my dad, but she just remarried. So I feel like he didn't realize it, but he spoke those words over me. And I mean, I didn't think that would ever happen, but I think there is power in words. Yeah. So it was really hard for him. It was hard for my brother, too. My brother was two years younger than me. But life with my mom and my stepdad wasn't perfect either.

Like, I don't blame her, but she spent a lot of time with my stepdad and not very much time with me. I had a lot of resent for that, and I became very rebellious because I felt like nobody knew me. I had no encouragement.

I had nothing positive in my life. And so as a teenager, I did a lot of bad things like shoplifting. So, yeah, that was horrible. Horrible. But we kept getting away with it. And yeah, I shoplifted my prom dress.

So terrible. My mom was like, Where did you get this dress? I said, Oh, Leanne, let me borrow it. She didn't believe me. I don't even know how she knew.

I mean, it was like she knew that I was shoplifting, but she didn't. And so as a teenager, you know, getting older and starting to like boys and everything, I had like my first real relationship when I was 16, I think. And my boyfriend was in college.

And I realized that if I was with him, I felt loved. But when I was 17, I got pregnant. This boy said he would marry me and we would have the baby if I ever got pregnant.

So it happened. And then he said he wouldn't marry me because he needs to finish college. And he gave me no support. So I was taken to get an abortion that summer before my senior year of high school. And then it got all around the school and all the friends that I had wouldn't speak to me. And I turned to the person that everybody talks about and doesn't sit with.

So I didn't really graduate with very many friends. I ended up breaking up with that boyfriend. And then I went with with another guy and he and I moved in together. So it was really disappointing when he got Playboy TV or whatever on our TV. He would watch this stuff when I wasn't home. And then whenever I realized what it was, then he wanted to watch it with me. It wasn't like hardcore porn. But it was enough to make me feel like he didn't love me very much. It just made me feel like it made me feel ugly that I couldn't be like those girls. They're better than me. They deserve more attention to me because they're prettier than me. And I hated that feeling so much.

I hated the women that were in the movies. When we come back, more of Chrissy's story here on Our American Stories. Nissan is driving the thrill of its vehicle's innovative design into the spotlight in Thrilling Design, the brand's latest campaign. Nissan dares to design what others won't by approaching each project in a completely different way.

They break molds and start each design with a specific customer in mind and how this vehicle will bring a unique sense of thrill to the road. The campaign illustrates how Nissan drives to build an exhilarating experience into each model from initial concept to the last bolt, with each design inspired by what moves and thrills you. We get a look into where Nissan draws inspiration for its innovative vehicle lineup and unique models to get a closer look at the thrilling details, features, and silhouettes. The Nissan Z, Ariya, and Rogue models take center stage to show everyday adventures Nissan vehicles can inspire with appearances by the rugged Pathfinder and bold Altima SR as well. Nissan is driving the thrill of its vehicle's innovative design into the spotlight in Thrilling Design, the brand's latest campaign.

To learn more about the design and innovation at Nissan, visit www.NissanUSA.com State Farm knows it's important to help folks manage the risks of everyday life while also getting them closer to realizing their dreams. Those dreams can include attaining financial knowledge, freedom, and empowerment. On his podcast, Life as a Gringo, host Dramos talks about money management, investments, and the steps he's taken to work towards his financial goals. Financial freedom usually means having enough savings, financial investments, and cash on hand to afford the kind of life we desire for ourselves and our families. I think first and foremost, talking about having enough savings, because I think when you are living check to check, that's where the stress comes from. And I know for me, having that savings account has been one of the things that brings me peace in this life. State Farm is committed to being your top choice when ensuring the things that matter to you.

You take care of yourself and your loved ones. Let State Farm provide you with that support. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Learn more at es.statefarm.com.

State Farm is a proud partner of the Michael Tura Podcast Network. Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. As a 57-year-old model, and I mean, whoever thought I would still be modeling at this age, there is a lot of temptation to just say, hey, it's been a great ride, and let Cindy Crawford ride off into the sunset. But our society already tells women that at a certain age, after 50 or 60 or 70, whatever age you think it is, it's time to hang it up. I realize that if I do that, I'm just furthering that message to women that we should be invisible.

And I just refuse to believe in a season of invisibility. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age.

Learn more at meaningfulbeauty.com. And we continue with our American stories and with Chrissy Outlaw's story. Let's pick up where we last left off.

I could also see why he would want to look at that, because it was way better than looking at me. So I tried to, like, just be open-minded. We didn't last very long.

We lived together for a few months, and then we broke up, and then I moved back home. And what happened is, first off, the Internet just started. It was the beginning of the Internet. And, yeah, it was a long time ago, and I found these chat rooms and stuff so I could communicate with other people.

So I would, you know, work all day. I would come back to my mom's house and get online, and I started meeting men to date. And I met quite a few of them. I had no regard for my life at all.

Because if I didn't feel loved, then nothing mattered, you know, if I would do anything for that. So I met up with a few different guys. I had been raped.

I had been roofied. So anyway, you know, I noticed that some of the girls had, like, modeling portfolios that were online. And so some of the girls in the chat rooms, they would become friends with them, and I was led to that. And I was looking at these girls' pictures, and they're models, and they're getting people to hire them to do shoots. So I was like, well, I just wanted to see if I could do it. I just wanted to see if somebody would think I was pretty enough to do it.

So I found some, like, snapshots, put them online. People started contacting me to do work, but the work that they wanted me to do was porn. And so I hated porn. I didn't want to be in porn. It represented, you know, insecurity for me and fear and all of those things. And there was a photographer that had shot some famous women who ended up being in Playboy.

And I felt like they looked so beautiful. Maybe if he thinks he can make me look like that, then okay, I'll try it, because he had confidence in me. So the first night we shot, when he started asking me to remove clothing, I just remember feeling like my heart was racing and just feeling like, what am I doing? Like, in my head, what am I doing? What am I doing? And then I told myself, you know, like, I can't, like, I felt like I couldn't be there.

So I learned to dissociate, which was something I learned as a child, and I didn't know it, so that you're not really there. It's really hard to explain, but I checked out, and the next day he wanted to shoot me again, and he wanted to push my boundaries a little more. And I didn't want to, and I told him I didn't want to, but then during the shoot, you know, he guided it, and he got the photos that he wanted. And, you know, again, getting offers for work, I was depressed, I didn't feel loved. But these people kept asking me to do shoots, so, like, well, there's something about me that somebody likes.

So eventually I, you know, said yes again. I shot with a photographer, shot in a huge mansion, you know, the marble floors, winding staircases, it was beautiful. And the shoot that I did, you have a hair person, you have a makeup person, you have everything. I felt beautiful, I felt glamorous, I felt like they loved me. And as we would shoot, and I would start removing articles of clothing, I checked out. And that's how I was throughout my whole time in the industry.

And I had to check out, because how could I deal with what I was doing? Morally, I didn't feel like it was right. You know, it's not how I grew up.

I mean, I'm not going to be the moral police. I know that, you know, a lot of people get into it for a lot of different reasons. But this is my story, and I think a lot of people can identify with some of it.

So I got really good at dissociating, and I shot with those people, got more photos, put newer pictures up. I quit my day job because I was making good money. And I do want to make it clear that I take responsibility for everything that I did. A hundred percent, it was my choice. I didn't take full responsibility for what I've done in my life. I didn't have...

I didn't really have anybody throughout my teen years tell me what kind of man to look for, what you want in a relationship, how to be healthy, how to love somebody. So, you know, I've learned that as I went along in my young adult life. So anyway, those photographers introduced me to my manager. And now I started with a manager who would book me. I would go from Florida to L.A. all the time.

I would do some shoots and then go back home. And I ended up moving with this other guy. Okay. I can't even be serious about this anymore because it's so ridiculous. Oh my gosh.

Okay. So I guess I was addicted to love, so I ended up moving with another guy. He started managing my porn career, taking all the money, pushing me to go even further into things that I wasn't comfortable with.

And I did it. We dated for a year. I thought I was going to break up with him at some point, but he ended up ending the relationship and it devastated me. Because now I live in Tampa. I didn't know anybody.

He kicked me out of the house. So, you know, I was really afraid to be by myself. So I just moved in the apartment complex across the street because I was scared. And I started online dating again because how else am I going to meet anybody? I don't go anywhere.

I don't know any people. So I did that, and that's when I met my abusive ex-boyfriend. He did so many things, pulling me by my hair, saying he's going to put me six feet under like every day. I never knew what I was going to get with him. And I guess I felt like he was like my dad. My dad had intense emotions, and I never felt like my dad. I felt when he cried that he was genuinely remorseful.

So for some reason I thought the same with this guy. So when we would have a fight, he didn't really mean to do it. You know, he still loves me.

He's crying. So that relationship was three and a half years of the seven total years that I was in the sex industry. This boyfriend and I, he did a lot of drugs, so I started doing drugs with him. Some horrible things happened, sexual assault.

Gosh, it's so crazy to hear myself say that because I didn't really call it that before, but it was. But anyway, I ended up getting out of that relationship one day. I ended up having a friend that was doing makeup for us, move in with us, and he told me after living with us for a little while that he told me, he said, Chrissy, you need to get out of this relationship. Like, he's cheating on you, and he's telling me all about it. And I already kind of knew he was probably cheating with various people.

And I was like, well, I want to, but I never have found anybody that will help me. I can't just, like, I couldn't just leave because he is abusive. He would hide my phone. He would hide my stuff from me.

If we had a fight, he would hide my phone, and he wouldn't be back for days. So my friend Bobby, his name is Bobby, he said, Chrissy, I'll help you. So we loaded up as much as we could into our car. I took a small, like, carry-on suitcase. But we just needed to get out of Las Vegas, which is where we were at that point. So we moved out, we went to LA, but I would tell my manager when I was available. I had a website that was successful, so I didn't have to do things outside of that because of the success of the website. Not trying to brag about it, but that was the situation.

When we come back, more of Chrissy's story here on Our American Stories. Nissan is driving the thrill of its vehicle's innovative design into the spotlight in Thrilling Design, the brand's latest campaign. Nissan dares to design what others won't by approaching each project in a completely different way. They break molds and start each design with a specific customer in mind and how this vehicle will bring a unique sense of thrill to the road. The campaign illustrates how Nissan drives to build an exhilarating experience into each model from initial concept to the last bolt, with each design inspired by what moves and thrills you. We get a look into where Nissan draws inspiration for its innovative vehicle lineup and unique models to get a closer look at the thrilling details, features, and silhouettes. The Nissan Z, Ariya, and Rogue models take center stage to show everyday adventures Nissan vehicles can inspire with appearances by the rugged Pathfinder and bold Altima SR as well.

Nissan is driving the thrill of its vehicle's innovative design into the spotlight in Thrilling Design, the brand's latest campaign. To learn more about the design and innovation at Nissan, visit www.NissanUSA.com When it comes to investments and its real estate, I didn't want to just buy a house. I wanted to buy a property that also made me money, you know, so I ended up buying an investment property, a mixed-use property. So with the property that I purchased, I actually have a tenant.

I have a storefront where I have a tenant who rents that, and then I have a residential part of it in the back where I actually live. Like, I basically have somebody else paying my mortgage for me. State Farm is committed to being your top choice when ensuring the things that matter to you.

You take care of yourself and your loved ones. Let State Farm provide you with that support. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Learn more at es.statefarm.com.

State Farm is a proud partner of the Michael Tura Podcast Network. Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. As a 57-year-old model, and I mean, whoever thought I would still be modeling at this age, there is a lot of temptation to just say, hey, it's been a great ride, and let Cindy Crawford ride off into the sunset. But our society already tells women that at a certain age, after 50 or 60 or 70, whatever age you think it is, it's time to hang it up.

I realize that if I do that, I'm just furthering that message to women that we should be invisible, and I just refuse to believe in a season of invisibility. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age.

Learn more at meaningfulbeauty.com. And we continue with our American stories and with the story of Chrissy Outlaw, who fled the porn industry in 2006. And up till now, we've covered how she ended up in this business, and soon we'll be hearing about how she got out. Now we return to Chrissy with more of her story. So I was like deep into it now.

I've been in for so long. My friend that lived with me, Bobby, he came home, took a bunch of pills. I think it was like Xanax and some other stuff. He saw me laying there and he tried to wake me up and he was having a really hard time waking me up. So he turned on the water in the bathtub and he gave me a bath and tried to get me to wake up, and eventually I did.

And to be honest, I don't remember that part. But I ended up meeting this guy, my next boyfriend. So this guy wasn't abusive. He was really nice and he was really funny and he was really like a cool guy.

And I liked him. So after like the first week, he says, why don't you just stay? So I moved in because that's what I do.

So I moved in. We were together for a year and a half, but we were together all the time, which made me feel super secure. And I felt like he led me towards the end of our relationship. He told a neighbor when he was asked, why don't you get married?

He told my next door neighbor, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? And I actually I heard the end of it and I kind of freaked out. I mean, inside, I didn't really say anything about it, but I was like, did he really just say that?

Because I was just walking up. Anyways, the one at the end of a relationship, a year and a half, he has to go shoot for this movie. He was just a regular actor, a stunt guy, photographer.

You know, in L.A., you have to wear many hats. So as I was saying goodbye to him, I said, please don't go to any strip clubs. He laughed and you know, he laughed. And one night he called me and I heard music and it was two o'clock in the morning. And I said, where are you? And he said he was at a restaurant called P.F. Chang's. And he was drunk. I was like, you are not a P.F.

Chang's. I was super insecure. My heart was broken because I knew I just knew that's where he had gone. And even though I did porn, I felt like I was always devoted to the men in my life because I didn't work with men. So anything else is just acting. To me, that's where I'm coming from when I say don't go to a strip club is that I wasn't lusting after men. But if he does something like that, he's going to be lusting after a woman that's not me. And even though we weren't married, that's one of the things that my dad told me is that if a man looks at you with lust and he's already committed adultery with you in his heart.

And so I didn't want that to happen. I wanted him to think I was the best. He didn't need anything else because I was that girl.

Why would he want to go see another girl like me when I'm already that girl? I felt like I was his dream girl. I did everything. I was sweet, kind, loving, give anything for him.

So I know it sounds dumb, but that's just where it was at the time. So when he said he wasn't at the strip club that night, my heart broke and I fell on the floor. When I was eleven years old, I came to know Jesus and I believed. But through all these years that had gone by, I didn't know where God was. I was rebellious. I was like, why didn't you save me from this?

Why didn't you save me from that? I didn't feel him in my life. The reason is I wasn't trying to have him in my life. I really just didn't know Jesus as an adult. I knew him when I was a kid. But I didn't know how else you know him, how you experienced him being in your life as an adult. It's different. So I didn't know where Jesus was.

I didn't know. I thought he had left me. He didn't love me.

He didn't care about me. I saw that love in everything else, in everybody else. So I fell to the ground in my kitchen and I was sitting there and I started praying. I said, God, if you're real, I need you to show me because everything I know about love is twisted and perverted.

It's not right and not the way that I was told it should be. I was confused. So the next day or so, I made a list of pros and cons why I should stay with him. I had to think with the facts and not so much with my heart.

So I realized I had more reasons to break up with him than to be with him. So I went to Albuquerque where he was filming. And the next day I went on set with my boyfriend. He introduced me to a few of the people. And it was pretty much all men that day.

So somebody who was standing out there chatting got a picture and they started passing the cell phone around to each other. And everybody was reacting to it and I said, what is it? And my boyfriend said, oh, it's so-and-so's wife and she's topless. And I got super triggered to like like nothing else because marriage is supposed to be sacred. Like you don't do that to your wife. And so I was like, well, you know, I would hope that if I was married to someone that they wouldn't do that to me.

Even though I had done porn, I always imagined that the guy who I marry is going to respect me more than I've ever respected myself. So anyway, I said that. And I'm not a brave person. I'm a very shy person.

So I don't know where that courage came from. But everybody started laughing at me after I said that. And, you know, this guy that I had just met that was sitting next to me, he says, well, if I was married, I wouldn't show that to anyone.

It would just be only for me. And so I looked at him and I'm like, what? Like, there are people like that in the world?

And so I was in shock anyway. So I ended up talking to that guy again at some point and he said, Chrissy, what do you do for a job? What do you what do you do? And I'm like, oh, I am a model because I never told people that I did porn. And he said, well, what kind of model? What do you model? And I'm like, bathing suits, lingerie.

I do like car magazines. I started making up all kinds of stuff. And so eventually I said, OK, I do adult stuff. He's like, adult stuff?

Yeah, porn. He's like, yeah. He said, Chrissy, I already knew that because your boyfriend had been showing your pictures to everybody since, you know, he's been out here. And you're listening to Chrissy Outlaw tell the story of her life and her redemption. And there's that key moment where her boyfriend calls from the strip club and she goes to the floor on her knees and she's crying. And she says, God, if you're real, I need you to show me everything I think I knew about love is all twisted. And my goodness, was it? And it's real. And in the end, the story, well, it takes a turn I think you'll all love.

When we come back, more of Chrissy Outlaw's story here on Our American Stories. Nissan is driving the thrill of its vehicle's innovative design into the spotlight in Thrilling Design, the brand's latest campaign. Nissan dares to design what others won't by approaching each project in a completely different way.

They break molds and start each design with a specific customer in mind and how this vehicle will bring a unique sense of thrill to the road. The campaign illustrates how Nissan drives to build an exhilarating experience into each model from initial concept to the last bolt, with each design inspired by what moves and thrills you. We get a look into where Nissan draws inspiration for its innovative vehicle lineup and unique models to get a closer look at the thrilling details, features, and silhouettes. The Nissan Z, Ariya, and Rogue models take center stage to show everyday adventures Nissan vehicles can inspire with appearances by the rugged Pathfinder and bold Altima SR as well. Nissan is driving the thrill of its vehicle's innovative design into the spotlight in Thrilling Design, the brand's latest campaign.

To learn more about the design and innovation at Nissan, visit www.NissanUSA.com State Farm knows it's important to help folks manage the risks of everyday life, while also getting them closer to realizing their dreams. Those dreams can include attaining financial knowledge, freedom, and empowerment. On his podcast, Life as a Gringo, host Dramos talks about money management, investments, and the steps he's taken to work towards his financial goals. Financial freedom usually means having enough savings, financial investments, and cash on hand to afford the kind of life we desire for ourselves and our families. I think first and foremost, talking about having enough savings, because I think when you are living check to check, that's where the stress comes from. And I know for me, having that savings account has been one of the things that brings me peace in this life. State Farm is committed to being your top choice when ensuring the things that matter to you.

You take care of yourself and your loved ones. Let State Farm provide you with that support. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Learn more at es.statefarm.com.

State Farm is a proud partner of the Michael Tura Podcast Network. Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford, and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. When Dr. Sabah and I decided to do a skincare line together, he said to me, we are going to give women Meaningful Beauty.

And I said, that's exactly right. We want to give women Meaningful Beauty, which means each and every product is meaningful. It has a reason to exist.

It's efficacious. You're going to get results, and then you just go out and live your life. Meaningful Beauty. Confidence is beautiful.

Learn more at MeaningfulBeauty.com. And we continue with our American stories, and let's pick up where we left off with Chrissy sharing what she actually did for a living with a man working on her boyfriend's movie set. Let's return to Chrissy. But then he said, let me ask you something. Do you believe in God? And I said, yes. You know, he's like, you can start over. You can have a new life and a new relationship with Christ. And we talked for a little bit, and he's like, do you want to go outside and pray?

And I said, sure. Yeah, I want to go outside and pray. I was like, I was on the verge of crying. So he told my boyfriend we were going to go outside and pray, and then my boyfriend was giving me a look like, what?

He had no idea what was happening. So we went outside and prayed. We sat at this little table, and I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I repented of the things I had done.

I had decided to turn away, and I was never going to go back. And because I had prayed for God to give me a sign, so when he asked me if I believed in God, it was undeniable. That was the sign.

That's what I've been looking for. Jesus hasn't felt his presence in a long time. So anyway, that night I went to our hotel room. My boyfriend came in. I told him that I couldn't sleep with him anymore. I couldn't sleep in the bed. Like, I'm going to sleep on the couch, and he was super confused. The next day, I went home, I packed up my stuff, I put it in storage, and then I flew to my new friend, Chris, that led me to the Lord. I flew out to be with his family without him.

He was still working on the film. So I meet these strangers, his mom, his dad, his sister. They were so kind to me and so loving. They knew what I had done. They took me to a pastor who was a spiritual warfare pastor. I guess that's what he specialized in. I met with him a few times.

I was there for two weeks, I think it was. When I got on the airplane, I sat next to a woman. She was a counselor to women who had been abused. She was sharing so much with me. I was sharing so much with her. On the way back, I was sitting in the middle of these two guys, and I looked to see what books they were reading. They were reading Christian books. The woman gave me a purpose-driven life.

There was no denying that God was in this. Anyway, I got home and went back to LA. I found my own place to live by myself for the first time ever. I went on my website. I had a chat room on my website where I could go in and talk about anything. I made a post saying why I left the porn industry and that they were never going to see me again. They were always sorry that I took them away from things that were so much more important, like their families and their children. I never should have become that woman. Anyway, my webmaster found out about it and removed it and kicked me out of my website.

Then he sent me a message. He said if you would have wanted to go because you wanted to start a family or something like that, I would have taken your website down, but not for a fairy tale like God. It was horrible. They started advertising my website, making vulgar photos of me with Jesus and just horrible things. Horrible. They refused to take the website down.

It's still going to this day. He asked me where I wanted the money to go. I said I do not want any of the money.

I was making $12,000 a month, so I gave up my income because I felt like God told me to do that. He told me not to accept any more money and to trust him and to lean on him. He was going to take care of me. Through that, he did take care of me. Money would come from nowhere.

It would just be suddenly, oh, this person wants to donate you a car. I gave up everything. My car, my hair snitches, my fake nails, my fake tan. I gained a few pounds. I only had one pair of jeans that even fit me.

Even that, I couldn't zip them up. My identity was wrapped up in all of those things. I had to learn who I was and what did I like and what were my hopes and my dreams. One thing I already knew is that I wanted to be a wife more than anything. I wanted to find somebody that loved me, somebody I would be with forever. I had so many broken relationships.

I thought it was so far out of reach. I would go to church on Sundays. I would go to the young adult church. Then I would go to another church. Then I would go to Christian counseling. Then I would listen to all the podcasts I could listen to. I felt like I had so much catching up to do. I needed to learn everything. I was thirsty for it and I wanted it. Every time one of these little things happened, I thought of it as a miracle.

God is actually proving himself over and over and over again. You can trust me. I am your father. You don't have to not trust me like my own dad. I didn't really trust him. I didn't know how he was going to be from day to day.

God proved to be a good father. After about five years after I got out of the industry, I decided that I needed to take a break from dating. I met this beautiful girl who was my friend.

She was a model. She was doing this fast from dating. I was like, that's so weird, but I'm going to do it too.

She was reading this book and she gave me the book. I was like, okay, I'm going to take three months from dating. I met this other guy through a mutual friend on Facebook. I was hanging out with his friend a lot. On Facebook, he was posting a lot of pictures of me and him hanging out. This guy from Houston would post almost everything that this guy said because this guy was really funny.

The Houston guy would always be one of the people to respond and then it would be me or it would be me and then it would be him. I had just met this guy and talked on the phone with him for the first time when I decided to go on my fast. I cut off ties with everybody because the purpose of this fast was to focus on Jesus, to get into a deeper relationship with him, and to not be distracted by men. But God told me it was okay that this guy from Houston, I can talk to him on the phone, but I can't Skype with him, so he was allowed. God told me that you could be my friend through this, but there are rules. You can't tell me I'm pretty. I had a whole list of things. It was so stupid.

But those are the rules. I assumed he was going to tell me those things, but he didn't and he kept his word. I went through the three months and God told me to do another six months. During this time, this man has sent me a Bible and we're doing Bible studies over the phone every day.

It went for a year. After my fast ended, he had planned to come out to LA. That's when we met. We met for the first time. We had talked for so many hours. I wanted to hold his hand, but he pulled away from me. He kind of rejected me.

I was like, you're hurting my feelings, but it's good. I knew the guy I was going to marry from my fast. God told me that person was not going to have sex with me before marriage. Anyway, after that, he went home.

We continued our Bible studies. Then I realized I got an email about doing a speaking engagement. Guess what? It was in Houston.

Guess what else? It was on Valentine's Day. I went out there. We hung out. He went to my speaking engagement and met me there. After that, we went to his apartment.

He made me some lunch. Then he asked me to be his valentine. Then we got married.

Let's see if I read March, April, May. Three months later, we got married. In two months, I moved to Houston.

Now, we're going on eight years. That's my story. And you've been listening to Chrissy Outlaw. I just love that laugh at the end because it shows you can get through anything and you can overcome it. And she did it with God's help. Great job on this, as always, to Greg Hengler.

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