3 Steps to Ease Marriage Tension

This is an encore presentation of Faith & Finance Live.

Great calls lined up, but we won't be taking your live calls today because we're prerecorded. This is Faith & Finance Live, biblical wisdom for your financial journey. Well, we're so blessed to have relationship expert, Shanti Feldhahn, back with us today. She's a good friend. She's written several very helpful books about marriage, and in particular, today we'll be discussing thriving in love and money. Shanti, welcome back to the program.

It's always great to be with you. Well, I'm delighted, and this is such a key topic that so many of our listeners need to tackle. And so we're going to dive in today and hopefully give them some really practical handles that will help them.

You know, they say about marriage, Shanti, when money troubles come in the door, love goes out the window. But of course, you and your husband, Jeff, have done some great research that's identified how to avoid that. And I know you say in the book, a lot of it comes down to really three steps that couples need to take to avoid this tension or conflict in their marriage around money. So just give us an overview of those steps, and then we'll dive in a bit more.

Sure. Yeah, this actually comes out of the research project. We did a three-year research project to try to figure out what are these things that can help us. And so we found that there's three specific things, there's lots of things that anybody can do, right? But there's three things that are particularly high leverage.

And by that, I mean, like, if you do this, it has an outsized impact. So the three things are you have to have built up or build up some cushion, some margin in your budget, in your finances. The second thing is you really have to be able to talk to your spouse about money. It can't just be a one-person thing, it has to be two people, and you have to be able to communicate about it. And then actually, one of the biggies is you really have to understand what's going on underneath the surface and how you and how your spouse respond to money.

That's so good. I want to start there with this last one before the break. And I know you spend a majority of the book really unpacking how to understand what's underneath the surface and leading to some of these big aha moments of we'll, in a future interview, maybe go deep into those. But give us an overview, if you will, of this last step, and that is understanding how we and our spouse respond to money.

Yeah, it's really crucial because honestly, you kind of have to do that in order to the other two steps. And so here's really the bottom line, is to recognize that if there is tension around money, it is not about the money. It turns out it's about how money makes us feel and how it makes our spouse feel.

And it's about all of these insecurities and worries and beliefs about how money should work that are running out of the surface, and we have two different sets of those. And it's funny, I was in the middle of the research for this, and I was speaking at a big women's convention a few years ago, right in the middle of it. And I always kind of interview people, no matter where I am, I'm trying to tell me how you think. And so I was talking to this one couple that ran one of the exhibit booths at this big convention, and they were both kind of sheepish about the fact that they hadn't really connected around money, even though they kind of wanted to, sort of. They were essentially like, the husband said, I've got no problem with planning.

Like that's a good idea, but our income is so cyclical, you know, we can come away from this convention having made a ton or nothing, right? And it's like, how do you plan for that? And the problem is, I don't have a problem with planning, but I do have a problem with planning when it means I'm going to be clashing about money with her. And that's, and that is the issue that we found is present in many couples, including by the way, me and Jeff, when we started this project. I can only imagine you all began to unearth some things you had to deal with, and we all do, which is why this is so key. Well, we're going to continue this conversation just around the corner and get into these other two steps. Why is cushion in your budget so important for alleviating conflict in marriage around money and communication?

It always comes back to communication, right? Shanti Feldhahn with us today, much more to come just around the corner. This is Faith in Finance Live, and we'll be right back. Delighted to have you back with us today on Faith in Finance Live.

I'm joined today by my good friend Shanti Feldhahn. She was an analyst on Wall Street. She got her graduate degree from Harvard University. She's a bestselling author and social researcher. And today we're talking about her book Thriving in Love and Money that she wrote with her husband Jeff, and specifically three steps you can take to ease the tension around money in marriage. She started by talking about this critical topic of understanding what's underneath the money conversation, all of those things that are about anything but money that are so key for us to understand. The book dedicates a significant portion to unearthing those things, and that's why you need to pick up a copy of it.

But we're going to move on to the other two keys. And you said beyond understanding, Shanti, that really we need to have some margin in the budget. And this was interesting because so often we think about, well, we just need a little more income. And it wasn't a matter of the income in your research. It was really around the fact that you were living on less than your income, wasn't it?

Oh, yes. What we found is that no matter where the line was for the couples, we had a couple thousand people in our study group on this. And this, by the way, these were nationally representative surveys. These weren't just like Facebook polls.

So this was nationally representative across all the demographics you can think of. What we found is no matter what level people were at in their income, it wasn't that number. It was living below that number that mattered so that you have a little bit of cushion. Now some people was just a little, right?

Some people had a higher amount. But what we found is the presence of that cushion was one of the key factors that kind of, it helped avoid some of the most dangerous tensions. We found that there were some tensions around money that are a lot more concerning than others that cause a lot more damage to the relationship and actually having that cushion helped avoid it. So, you know, for example, let's just say that, you know, you've, you're living close to the line, you know, maybe you've got a smaller income in your car breaks. Well, if you've got some cushion to be able to fix that car, it's like less likely that a lot of stuff in your relationship is going to, you know, you're not going to be as thrown. You're not going to be as likely to yell at each other.

You're not going to be as likely to do some of these things that cause completely different issues way beyond the fact that you have to fix the car. And so that's really the cool thing about cushion. It's protective, not just of your finances, but of your relationship. Yeah. And there's so many implications around having that margin, including one of these big traps in marriage around money, and that is hiding purchases or doing things that you haven't informed your spouse about.

Right? Oh, sure. And that's not just related to cushion, obviously, because there's a whole there's a whole host of reasons that go back to understanding each other that helps you build that cushion in a healthy way. Because you can have cushion and still hide stuff. Yes, that's right. You know, it's like, what are those things that really are going to help with the relationship?

But if you know those things, it helps you build the cushion and helps with everything else. Yeah. And that's why the budget is so key. Having that spending plan where both of you are involved in the process to give every dollar a name, that budget, Shanti, can actually become an instrument of peace, can it? Absolutely. And so the budget is just it is a tool that is so, so crucial. And yet, here's something that's going to actually maybe push a couple of buttons for you and your audience. If you don't mind me saying so.

No problem. It is really crucial, but you have to, A, you have to be able to understand one another in order to develop that budget. Right? Like you have to be able to in order for it to not be just a one person thing and for it to be a two person thing, you have to be able to have that conversation and understand what each of you are valuing and all that kind of stuff. And that's sometimes a little bit hard if it's like a money person married to somebody who's just not as interested in talking about it or whatever. But both people matter and the understanding has to happen in order to actually create that budget. And so the other thing that I wanted to mention that's maybe going to push a couple of buttons is that what we found is that going to, for example, a budgeting class at church, right? Like you're in some sort of a financial management workshop or how to get out of debt or whatever. What we found in the survey is that most of the there's only 23 percent of people can talk about money. And guess who goes to the budgeting class at church? The people who can talk about money, people who can already talk about money. And so one of the things that we have to grapple with that's really, really crucial is to recognize that there are many, many marriages out there. Maybe people are sitting to this where the money person has been trying to kind of carry it single handedly and they don't realize that maybe they haven't really opened the door and drawn their spouse into that conversation.

Yeah, that's really good. Well, let's go there next, because we've talked about you need to understand what's underneath the money conversation. We've talked about the fact that you need margin in your budget each month. This third one is all about communication.

And I'm not surprised. It seems like everything in marriage comes back to being able to communicate well. So what else might you be able to offer for our listeners today in that area?

So the communication thing is, it is really, it's a secret weapon. And here's the issue, again, for, I think, people to grapple with. We, as you heard, 23% of people could talk about money well, 77% can't. And this is, as I think I said before, it's a nationally representative survey.

So this is very, very common, right? And here's really what we found in the, we did some regression analysis and we looked at some of the different factors and we actually found that communication even trumps having that cushion and having the perfect budget and having built up the margin. If you, what we found is that statistically, if you can talk about money, even if that sort of technical stuff isn't perfect, you are far likely, more likely to avoid the negative tensions and the problems and the resentment and the defensive loss. Then if you have the perfect budget and you've built up lots of cushion and you know, whatever, but you can't talk about money. And so that's something for the, again, for people who are more money people to recognize that, wow, you know, I've, I've been doing a lot of this solo, right?

Like I've, I've been creating the perfect, you know, budget and the great spreadsheets and I've been working ADR weeks to build up, you know, a retirement plan and all that stuff is good. It's not like that's bad, it's good. But what we found is that you are far more likely to have a better relationship if you can pull in your spouse on that, even if some of that stuff isn't quite the way you wanted it. You're far more likely to have a great relationship around this area. Yeah. Well, Shanti, we've just scratched the surface today, but this is so key and helpful.

And there's a lot of fruit that comes from leaning into this, Shanti. I mean, I know you and Jeff experienced it in your own marriage. Isn't that right? Yes. I was worried you were going to come back to that one.

We started out not being able to talk about money at all and doing so just changed everything in our relationship. Oh, I love it. And that's what I want for our listeners.

I so appreciate you stopping by and taking a few minutes to be with us today. Absolutely. That's Shanti Feldhahn, bestselling author and researcher. Pick up a copy of this book. Your marriage will be better for it. It's called Thriving in Love and Money. This is MoneyWise Live, biblical wisdom for your financial journey. Stay with us. This is Faith in Finance Live with Rob West, and today's broadcast was one of our most popular in 2023. Our phone lines will not be open today, but as always, you can email your question to askrobatfaithfi.com. Hey, we're so glad to have you with us today on Faith in Finance Live.

I'm Rob West. So why dedicate an hour every day to this topic? Is it so we can enrich ourselves?

No, that's not it at all. You see, you and I have a high calling in managing God's money and we want to be found faithful in that. And here on Moody Radio, everything we talk about is through a biblical worldview, a biblical lens, and that certainly includes God's money and how we manage that.

So we want to take you back to the Scriptures, unearth the principles, passages, the big themes we find in God's Word, and help you make today's financial decisions. So let's head to Cleveland. Hi, Valerie. Thanks for calling. Go ahead. Hi. Thank you for taking my call.

You're welcome. Just to give you some context around my question. My husband and I got married about three years ago. We both were in our 50s. And the problem that I'm having is that he refuses to be honest with me about his finances. I try to talk to him about what he has. I've shown him what I have, hoping that we would just decide how we were going to go forward with our finances. I mean, we both—he makes—his salary is about 50 percent more than mine, and together we make over a quarter million dollars. And we have no mortgage, no major bills, besides his school loans. And so, I don't know, it's just, I feel like I was told by one of his family members that they were raised to sit money aside and keep it secret in a marriage. I was actually raised that way, too, but I feel like as a Christian, we should trust God, we should trust each other if we feel like God has brought us together. But every time I try to talk to him, I feel like our marriage has not come together in that aspect.

And every time I try to talk to him, I don't get the truth. I get, oh, I don't have anything. So I don't even know how to deal with this anymore. Yeah. Well, I so appreciate you bringing this up. And first of all, let me just say this is very common.

I think you're right. Clearly, it's a generational thing in some respects, whereas prior generations would have been a little more closed in terms of financial matters. But that's not the biblical model. You know, the biblical model for marriage is oneness, two becoming one flesh, and that includes every facet of our finances as we join together two people created by God that are unique and different, but they come together as one flesh. And that includes every area of our lives, and that certainly includes our financial lives. Everyone may end up being the bookkeeper, but it's shared goals that are really informed by our values. And really, there's a conversation that takes place.

And everything is with full transparency. Now, when we're talking about a second marriage, there is often consideration given to assets that were created prior to the marriage, especially if there's children. And I think there is a way without, you know, trying to pre-plan a divorce, which some may say is what a prenuptial agreement is doing, to actually have a conversation in love that's transparent and completely open to say, let's plan for how we're going to take assets that were amassed prior to our second marriage and set them aside for our children that were prior to this marriage. And that can be done in love.

In fact, you might have heard of the ministry of CREW, Campus Crusade for Christ, now CREW called Family Life. There's a division of Family Life called Family Life Blended, and it's for blended families. And they have something they talk about at Family Life Blended that they call almost a biblical approach to a prenup, and they call it a togetherness agreement that takes a couple in a second marriage and creates an agreement that, again, is completely open and with transparency, but it discusses everything from insurance to retirement and estate planning for the children and each other in a way that builds trust, but also recognizes there are some uniquenesses. Apart from that, you know, it's really what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine, and we do this together. And apart from that, we're going to drive a wedge, and I feel like we're not pursuing then the biblical model.

So if that's the case, how do you approach that? Well, I think the first is an open and honest dialogue, and it sounds like perhaps you've done that, but maybe you approach it a bit differently. Start by praying, asking the Lord just to open his eyes and his heart to hear what's on your mind, and to come to him and say, listen, I feel like God's design for our marriage is oneness, I feel like there should be complete, open and honest communication about this, I think we should each look at our credit reports and talk about everything we have assets and liabilities, not so we can point fingers, but so we can all be on the same page. And then we talk about how we move forward from here, as a couple setting shared goals based on our values as believers, and setting a spending plan that allows us each to be reflected uniquely, but a plan that's been determined with prayer in advance, that really gives every dollar a name and helps you all not only accomplish the, you know, fixed and discretionary spending you're going to do on a monthly basis, but pursue your longer term goals, whether those are giving goals and long term goals around accumulation for retirement, and you're going to have different perspectives, one might be a little more of a spender, and one, one might be more of a saver, but that's part of marriage, right, we communicate, we come together, we create a plan we give and we take, and we work together to formulate that now, the extent to which he's not willing to do that, then, you know, at that point, I think there's a conversation that says, perhaps we need to go sit down with somebody from our church, a pastor, maybe it's a third party, a Christian financial counselor that I'd be happy to provide to you who's a third party who can come into this and say, help us, you know, we we have some differences of opinion here. What should this look like in a way that's God honoring and help us pursue that.

And if it doesn't work just with the two of you, perhaps that's when a third party gets involved. I've done a lot of talking and I want to hear your thoughts on this, Valerie, so if you don't mind, stay right there, I'd love to get your take on all of this just on the other side of the break, and then we'll see if we can come up with a plan to move forward from here. Kimberly, Mike, John, coming your way as well, we'll be right back on Faith and Finance Live. Stay with us.

Thanks for joining us today on Faith and Finance Live, I'm Rob West. God's word is clear, the two become one flesh in marriage, we see this in Matthew 19, again in Genesis 2, yet again in Ephesians 5. Does that include our finances?

Absolutely. Just before the break, we were talking to Valerie in Ohio, she's recently married for the second time, her husband is refusing to be transparent about the finances that he had prior to the marriage. What I was sharing with Valerie is, there is really no option for keeping private any area of our life in marriage. Now, with a second marriage, we may decide to treat assets that were acquired prior to marriage, it all belongs to the Lord, but we're the managers of it, but those assets that the Lord entrusted to us prior to the marriage, especially with their children prior to the marriage, those may be handled separately, but it's still done with complete transparency and openness driving toward oneness, and from that point forward, absolutely, there needs to be everything done with shared goals and planning.

But Valerie, give me your thoughts on what I shared about approaching him, and then if he wasn't responding, perhaps asking if a third party could be brought in. Well yeah, I was following everything you were saying, and we actually went to a counselor in church, and the counselor was saying the same thing, and so my husband agreed to sit down with me, and he created a spreadsheet, and we sat down at home, and he presented this spreadsheet, but it just was not true. It was just obvious that he was not telling the truth, I mean, he's very, very frugal, he does not spend a lot of money at all, he makes a six figure income, and his money has even gone up since we've gotten married, because, I mean, he was paying $2,000 a month in rent before he got married, and then my house was paid off when we got married, so he didn't have to, that's even more, that's like $2,000 a month that you can save, and he presents this like, oh I only have $9,000 saved, and I just don't believe that, and asking him because right before COVID he lost his job, and I told him, I said, so am I to believe that you would be out on the street until 9,000, you know, carried you, that you would be out on the street, and he knows he wouldn't, and he would just get quiet, like he wouldn't say anything, it just makes me not trust him, it makes me wonder about who I married and if I did the right thing, and I just feel helpless. Yeah, well I certainly understand that, and I think this will reveal itself, you know, patience is a weapon that allows deception to reveal itself, is what Ruth Graham, Billy Graham's wife, would often say, and you know, I think this will reveal itself as you lean into it more fully, and either he's going to say I'm not willing to share this with you and become transparent about that, and then there's obviously other issues that need to be explored, or you'll find out exactly what's going on, and what would typically happen is, and I'd be happy to cover the cost here at Faithfy, just as our gift to you, the cost of a Christian financial counselor who would come in as a third party, completely anonymous, isn't a part of your church, doesn't have, you know, any kind of loyalty to one or the other of you in marriage, and just say, hey, let's get everything on the table, and he or she will pull a copy of both of your credit reports so that you can both see exactly what's owed, you know, it will require that you build a balance sheet, which is assets and liabilities, and you need to have, you know, access to all of the accounts, login information for, you know, bank accounts, checking accounts, investment accounts, all of it, and not only so you all can make shared goals together about where you're headed, both with your monthly spending as well as your long-term accumulation and savings and debt repayment and giving, but also so that if something happened to him, you wouldn't be completely in the dark, I mean, how are you supposed to steward what God has entrusted to you both as a married couple if you have no idea what's there?

And that's just not wise stewardship, and there's no justification, there's no basis that's logical for that, especially in light of God's design for a Christian marriage. So I think the next step, again, is for you to be prayerful about it, you know, ask the Lord what he would have you to do, but to the extent you think it would be helpful, I'd be willing to provide that certified Christian financial counselor that could step in as a third party and help the two of you come together first to say, what do we have? So there is, perhaps for the first time, transparency, and then second, help you all work on a plan moving forward.

Does that sound like it would be helpful? Oh my goodness. I'm almost speechless, I'm like five back tears. Absolutely, I thank you so much. Well I'm happy to do it, and here's the thing, I mean, to the extent, money issues are hard issues, Valerie, and so what we're talking about here is not about the money. It's about what's going on beneath the surface. You know, it's that iceberg, and only 10% is above the waterline, and that's what we're talking about here today, but it's really the 90% that's below the waterline, which is really what's going on spiritually, and you know, why isn't he becoming, why hasn't he been transparent with all this?

That's going to be uncovered, so this may get harder before it gets better. Now, let's pray that this is the thing that causes him to say, you know what, I haven't been transparent, and here it is, and this is what it is, and let's deal with it and move forward. But to the extent he's unwilling to do that, then you're going to have to peel the layers of the onion back some more, and perhaps this is spiritual and not financial, and the two of you really do need some marriage counseling, but let's start with the financial side and just see if we can get you guys on the same page, get you access to the accounts and in full knowledge of what's going on so that together you all can make a plan and drive toward even greater oneness and unity as a married couple, which is obviously what God's heart is. You know, it's not about the money, it's about your heart and your relationship and devotion to the Lord. So let's do this. You stay on the line, we'll get your information, we'll have our certified Christian financial counselor reach out to you, and then to the extent it makes sense, keep us posted on how it goes, okay? Thank you so, so much. All right.

Yeah, I'm delighted you called today, Valerie. May the Lord bless you. You know, these are hard conversations, and this is, you know, this is really where the rubber meets the road, and yet what we know from Scripture is money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money is, and we see that there are clear warnings in Scripture about what money can do to derail us, and there is something called financial infidelity, and we need to be transparent. We need to be open and honest with our spouse about exactly what's going on financially to the extent mistakes have been made. We have to own those just like any other area of our lives as sinners. We need to confess, and we need to move toward reconciliation and forgiveness and a plan that allows us to move forward together, and that starts with each of our own walk with Jesus and our commitment to Him, and then bringing that into the marriage relationship with the Lord at the center, you know, making sure we deal with all of these issues that can really cause us to trip up, and finance is one of the biggest. As Shanti said, you know, 70% of married couples will have conflict over money in marriage.

How do we deal with that? Well, it starts with, first of all, our trust and commitment to the Lord as our Savior, allowing Him to forgive us and redeem us and bring us into a right relationship with the Lord, and then our willingness to pursue the Scriptures and get to know the Lord, including these financial principles that we talk about here, and then bringing that with a heart of communication and a spirit of oneness and togetherness into the financial area of our lives. And when we do that and live with a plan and hold what God has entrusted to us loosely and allow the power of money to be broken through generosity, well, it's a game changer. You're listening to an encore presentation of Faith and Finance Live.

Please remember that today's program is prerecorded, so our phone lines are not open. We're going to pause now for a brief break, then we'll be back after that with more on Faith and Finance Live. You're listening to one of our most popular Faith and Finance Live programs for 2023. And as this year comes to a close, we'd really appreciate your help in meeting our year-end financial goal by December 31st. To help us finish strong, visit faithfi.com and click here. Thanks for joining us today on Faith and Finance Live. We're going to try to get through as many questions as we can in this segment, beginning with Missouri. Hi, Kimberly, go right ahead. Yes, sir. Thank you for taking our call today.

I have a question. My daughter is pretty stressed out over money in her marriage. She's the one that does the budget and then she kind of takes it to her husband and he just kind of goes along with it. What she's having trouble with right now is they don't have enough cash flow to meet their bills and she's considering selling their house, using the equity in the house to pay off her credit cards and her debt that she has.

She doesn't have a cushion and she's very, I think it's mentally and physically just stressing her out and I'm trying to help her. Well, I certainly can understand the pressure that that has caused her to be under. Obviously, she's the one who's more prone to the financial matters and that's a good thing because God's wired her that way and sounds like her husband's willing to go along with that.

She's the numbers person. Hopefully they're setting goals together and he's kind of on board with what the hard work that's going to need to be done to right size the budget, whether that's something significant like we're selling the house or perhaps apart from that, it may make more sense, especially in light of where interest rates are if they're trying to buy something else and they have a good rate and that rate were to go up significantly, let's say it doubles from three to six and a half percent, even though they're buying a smaller house, they may not really improve their situation. So we're going to have to look at all of these factors before you make especially a big decision like selling a house. One of the things that they might want to look at first is what we call the big three. If housing, transportation and food are not 65% or less of your take home pay, it becomes really challenging to make everything else work.

That just kind of gives you a quick little snapshot into where things are at without going deep into the budget. But that's the next step is to actually look at what is the gap between what's coming in and what it's going to take us to actually cover our fixed and discretionary expenses on a monthly basis and have a little bit of margin so that we can save up an emergency fund that's fully funded and be able to fund retirement and do the giving beyond just even a tithe and all the things that are really important to us and really are key to being able to achieve your financial goals. So what I would normally say is with credit card debt, I like a debt management program using our friends at ChristianCreditCounselors.org. However, prior to that, just given what you're saying about the possibility of needing to sell the house and just the budget not balancing, I think having somebody, a third party come in and help them look at the lay of the land and actually just bring some new thinking to the table as we see what's going on in their financial lives, perhaps that's a step that should come first. So what I'd be willing to do, Kimberly, is connect one of our certified Christian Financial Counselors with your daughter and her husband at no cost, we'll cover the cost for it. And basically he or she will work with them to actually get this budget down, ask a lot of questions, and then together they can come up with a plan which is going to either be let's keep the house and reduce spending by cutting back and getting on a credit counseling program.

It may be, you know what, the only way to right size this budget is to in fact sell the house, but they'll explore all of those options together. Does that sound good? That sounds wonderful. Okay. You stay on the line. We'll get your information and we'll get somebody in touch with you and set up a time to work remotely with your daughter and her husband. And thanks for calling the program today. We appreciate it. Let's head to Mike. Mike is in Muskogee, Oklahoma. Did I say that right, Mike?

Yeah, you said it right. All right, good. Yeah, I'm 54 years old. No wife, no dependents. I just bought a house not long ago, so I depleted my emergency fund and all of my savings doing that. And I'm thinking about getting $100,000 life insurance policy to take care of things whenever I pass, but I'm kind of wondering at my age which would be better, a term or a whole, and the second part of the question is if an emergency arises down the road, can I borrow from the term like you can the whole?

You cannot. The question is why do you need the insurance? So what would be the purpose of the death benefit once you're gone? Where would that go? Yeah, it would go to my brothers to help take care of my final things to happen, you know, whatever because I don't have any kind of savings or anything.

And like I said, I'm 54 years old. I know it's going to be, I plan on living a while, but still I would like to have something for whenever I'm gone for them to take care of me and whatever. So are we really just looking for funeral and burial expenses or are you looking to go beyond that? Well, I don't know how much of my house I'll have paid off and I would like that to be taken care of so I don't pay on it for 20 years and then it'd be gone.

You know what I mean? Yeah. However, when, when you pass, your home could be gifted to your brother, let's say. And at that point he's, he's going to sell it and that would pay off the mortgage and then he would keep what's left.

So why would you have insurance to pay off the home? I didn't even think of that. I'm not very good here. Look here, Rob.

I am financially illiterate just to be honest. No problem. No problem. This is all new stuff to me. I called a couple of years ago and I'm the guy that had spent 32 years in prison and bought the car and was upside down in that. So you know, I'm still, I'm still learning stuff. Hey, listen, Mike, you've come to the right place. We're all about encouragement here.

I'm not pointing fingers. Listen, we all have giftings and there's going to be more areas than we can count that you've got a leg up on me. So let me help you with this one.

You know, here's the key. It really, it boils down to, you know, you being a wise and faithful steward of God's money means you got to live within your means. So we got to have a budget and you got monthly income coming in and we got to have a plan for your expenses. Those things you get a bill for those things that you don't and your spending has to be less than your income because that margin, which is just a fancy way of saying the whatever you have left over at the end of the month after the bills are paid, there needs to be something there or you're never going to be able to accomplish your goals, whether that's building up some savings so you've got some emergency funds when the unexpected comes, being able to do some additional giving, you know, pay down debt if you've got it. So that living within your means is number one. Number two, let's avoid debt. Let's try to eliminate debt. Let's try not to borrow when, you know, wherever possible and let's over your lifetime try to become completely debt free if you're not already. The third is that surplus that I mentioned, that's really key. The fourth is to set some goals and the fifth is to give generously because giving breaks the power of money over your life.

And those five things really, if you do those for a long time, you'll be set. Now in terms of life insurance, really the only purpose for the life insurance is to take care of a dependent that is going to have a hardship at your death. So typically when we have a married spouse during our working years, if I die, my wife loses my income and now she's in a really difficult spot in terms of paying off, you know, continuing to pay on the mortgage and put food on the table and pay the utility. So we have insurance on my life that replaces my income during our working years. But once we get to retirement and we've saved and we've got social security and we've got some retirement assets, we don't need insurance anymore because in the event of my death, she's not counting on me for anything.

The assets are already there. If you don't have a spouse who's counting on your income and you don't have children who are at home and need somebody to provide for them, then you really don't have a need for insurance. So you could prepay your burial expenses and it'd be a lot more cost effective to do that by paying the funeral home directly or just putting that money in savings and pre-planning as opposed to prepaying than it would be to try to buy a life insurance policy that would cover that cost because that's going to get really expensive. If the Lord tarries and you live another 30 years, that life insurance policy is going to be astronomical. Well, why not just put that money right in savings so your brother has what he needs to bury you at death because anything you leave to him, he's going to sell it and it's going to pay any of the debts or notes that still exist. So I think you don't need life insurance at all. What I would focus on is getting that budget to balance, having some surplus.

So first you can build up an emergency fund of three to six months expenses and then second, we can start funding those burial expenses so you'll have the peace of mind to know that whenever the Lord calls you home, your brother can bury you and have a funeral according to your wishes and then he can inherit whatever's left. Does that make sense? Yeah, well see, that's why I called you.

Somebody could show me this because I would have thought nothing about all of that stuff. See, I'm thinking I don't want to be a burden on my family. I did it. You know, I spent half of my life, over half my life in prison, so I'm not going to have a retirement. I get it. I'm not, you know, I'm not going to really have any of that, so I'm going to work as long as I can work and do that, but yeah, hey, that was a great help, man. I appreciate that, Rob. Well, Mike, you call back anytime, my friend. I'm grateful for you and may the Lord bless you. Thanks for being on the program today.

Quickly to Indianapolis. Alan, I understand you have a question about paying back Social Security. Is that right? Yes, that's correct.

Yeah. So here's the deal on that. If you change your mind, so you take your Social Security benefits, let's say you take it early, which locks in a reduction of 8% a year about for every year you take it prior to full retirement age. If you change your mind within 12 months of signing up for Social Security, you can repay all the money you received without interest and withdraw your Social Security application, and then you can reapply at a later date, and the monthly payments will then be larger due to the delayed claiming, and you can do this one time in your lifetime. So I think that's the information you were looking for there.

If you did it for more than a year, then you're no longer eligible to start over, but as long as you've done it within 12 months, you can reset that. I hope that's helpful for you. Thanks for calling my friend.

Faith in Finance Live is a partnership between Moody Radio and FaithFi. Thank you to Amy and Mara, Dan and Jim and Marty. Thank you for being here as well. We'll see you tomorrow. I'll see you next time.