6 Signs That Money Is an Issue in Your Marriag

If money is a common reason for divorce, and it is, couples should see money issues for the threat they pose to marriage.

Hi, I'm Rob West. Division over money can creep into a marriage without the couple being aware of it at first, or at least aware of the danger it can cause. Art Rayner joins us today to talk about the signs that money is an issue in your marriage. Then it's on to your calls at 800-525-7000.

That's 800-525-7000. This is Faith and Finance Live, biblical wisdom for your financial decisions. Well, our guest today is my friend and financial author, Art Rayner. He's a regular contributor here at Faith and Finance and the author of several books, including The Marriage Challenge. A finance guide for married couples. Art, great to have you back.

Rob, thank you so much for having me. Art, you have a great article on this at faithfi.com. We'll post a link to it in today's show notes. You talk about some warning signs that indicate a couple may have problems with money. This is really important now, certainly as we head into a more stressful time of the year with all of the holiday spending.

So let's dive into this. What's one of the first warning signs we need to be aware of? Well, it's an obvious one. Frequent, heated arguments about money. So are you and your spouse in regular, heated disagreements about money? Now for some couples, any conversation about budgeting, spending, paying down debt, or giving can lead to explosive arguments.

And the next one is pretty obvious too. It's financial infidelity. Just lying about financial matters. Financial infidelity can look like one spouse hiding a purchase from the other spouse. It can look like a secret bank account or a secret credit card. It could look like going beyond the spending limit without telling the other spouse. And this is unfortunately pretty prevalent now among couples. Yeah, there's no question about that.

Let's talk about that one for a second. You mentioned a spending limit. Have you and your wife set a limit where you won't spend over that unless you talk to each other? So we actually are pretty in lockstep with our budget or what we call a blueprint for mission. And so we don't necessarily have spending limits because we just know what we're going to spend and what we've planned out.

And so we're in lockstep with our spending. Yeah, and that's really key. I mean, this idea of financial infidelity can really be a unity killer.

We've got to be on our guard there. You mentioned also heated arguments. The former host of this program, our friend Howard Dayton, talks about the importance of a money date.

My pastor mentioned in his sermon last week he and his wife have a weekly coin and calendar meeting. Doesn't matter what you call it, but the idea is that we need to be talking, right? Oh, absolutely. Communication is key. Without communication, this is where you see financial infidelity start to creep into the relationship.

Yeah, very good. Art, what's the next warning sign? Yeah, it's when money is used as a weapon. Now, I'm talking about using money to control or punish a spouse.

It's behavior that needs to be addressed immediately. You could be given an allowance or withholding funds from a spouse. And this indicates significant marital relationship problems. God did not provide couples with money to control one another, but to use it for unification and the advancement of his kingdom.

That's really helpful, Art. All right, what about shared financial goals and even managing money independently? How can that be a problem? Yeah, managing money independently is another warning sign, and it's become more commonplace in today's culture. Each spouse has their own bank accounts, debts, and credit cards, while a joint bank account exists simply for shared bills. In this marriage, mine and yours are the possessive pronouns of choice. The finances operate less like a married couple and more like a couple of roommates. Now, this runs against the marital oneness we see in the Bible. Individualism, autonomy, and personal freedom are not in God's design for marriage. In the Bible, we see married couples lay down their independence and pick up sacrifice. Mine and yours should be replaced with ours. Yeah, what would you say real quickly to a couple that says, it just works for us to keep our bills separate?

How would you respond? Yeah, well, division in finances indicates a division within the marital relationship. Even if it seems to work right now, it might not work long term.

This division can create what may seem like a small division can become a significant division over time. Yeah, that's really helpful. Art, where can folks get help?

Yeah, couples with money issues may benefit from working with a Certified Christian Financial Counselor, and they can find one at faithfi.com slash cert cfc. Excellent. That's faithfi.com slash c-e-r-t c-f-c. That's the Certified Christian Financial Counselor. Art, thanks for stopping by. Thanks for having me.

That's Faithfi contributor, Art Rayner. We're back with your questions just around the corner. 800-525-7000. Stick around. The opinions offered during this program represent the personal or professional opinions of the participants given for informational purposes only.

Any information provided is not intended to replace advice from a financial, medical, legal, or other professional who understands your specific situation. Hey, great to have you with us today on Faith and Finance Live. I'm Rob West. All right, it's time to take your calls and questions today. We've got lines open, several of them, in fact. Our team is standing by, so call right now. 800-525-7000. That's right, your calls on anything financial today. 800-525-7000.

You can call right now. We began today by talking about money and marriage with Art Rayner, our good friend. This obviously is a topic that is on the heart of so many people, primarily because it does create conflict in marriage. And that's not God's heart.

God's heart is that we would have unity in marriage and that this area of money management, the topic of money, would actually be something that drives even greater unity. How can we do that? Well, I think it starts with communication. You know, that's the big idea as it relates to marriage. We need to be on the same page.

What does that look like? Well, the former host of this program, my good friend and mentor, Howard Dayton, calls it a money date where we're not pointing fingers. We come to the table with constructive intentions in mind. But the idea is that we get on the same page.

We make course corrections, which, by the way, means you have a plan because you can't correct if you don't know where you're headed. But we look at the spending for the month. We take a look at how the budget is working and we get on the same page.

You know, perhaps quarterly or annually we're taking a step back and we're planning in light of our values and our priorities and setting goals. So communication is key. Second is understanding. You know, we come to the marriage relationship with different backgrounds, different money personalities.

How money was handled growing up largely influences how we handle money today. What does that look like in your marriage? Well, you've got to understand your spouse in order to be able to appreciate what he or she is bringing to the table. That happens through communication and understanding. And by the way, that exploration of your spouse's financial DNA, if you will, needs to begin prior to marriage. I would say that should be a key part of the conversation, prayer and planning before you get married.

And then fourth is cushion. It's this idea that we live below our means, that whatever our income is, we're living on less than that. And what the research finds, my good friend Shanti Feldhahn wrote about this in Thriving in Love and Money, the research finds that if you if you live on less and therefore have some some cushion or some margin, that's one of the keys to not having conflict in marriage around this topic of money. Well, what does that look like for you? What are the questions you and your spouse are wrestling with? We can talk about that or anything else on your mind today. We'd love to hear from you again. The number with lines open is 800-525-7000. You can call right now.

Also, let me mention Bob Doll. We'll stop by a little later in the broadcast. Inflation data out today. We also are awaiting the Fed meeting information. What will the Fed chairman say? Also, what will they do with interest rates? Will they leave them unchanged?

That's what most economists are expecting. We'll get Bob Doll's take on all of it just a little bit later in the program. All right, let's head to the phones. Again, waiting for your calls today with a few lines open. 800-525-7000. Call right now. Let's begin today in New Mexico. Hi, Linda. How can I help?

Hi, good afternoon. I'm calling because in our marriage, my husband has not had a good track record financially and we got in a lot of debt and so on and so forth. I was able to pull us out and now we're pretty much debt-free actually, but I do keep our finances separate. I've had some other sisters in faith who are like my mentors tell me that I still need to be honest and disclose to him how much my account has and so on and so forth. So, you know, I'm afraid to. Honestly, I'm afraid to because of the financial trauma I experienced before early in the marriage. Yeah, yeah.

I certainly understand that. What was the key, Linda, to you all getting out of debt once and for all? Did he agree to stop spending?

Was he willing to make some changes? What took place that allowed you all to get out of the hole you were in? I did it. I was tired of living in such debt and struggling and trying to, you know, be punctual and paying bills and stuff.

I did not like that lifestyle. So I followed that. I forget what it was called, you know, where you pay your first little credit card first and then your next one and then your next one. Yeah, the debt snowball. You know what I'm talking about? I do. Yep. Where you pay all the minimums and then you.

I forget who that was that did that. Yeah, the debt snowball is what it's called. Okay. Yeah, so that worked for you, obviously. I just did that without talking to him.

I just took it upon myself to do it because I was tired of living that way. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I certainly understand. As you all have talked through this, is he willing to live on a budget? I mean, is he willing to create a spending plan together and for you all to commit to living within that?

Yeah. Well, right now at this point in our lives, we don't really have financial struggles anymore. And I actually have like, you know, decent amounts saved up and so on and so forth.

But he still lives basically on his Social Security month to month. But this is part of the problem where I've had like my, you know, my sisters in Christ, my mentors, tell me that I need to like not have separate accounts and I should still have joint accounts and let him have access to what I would call my money, you know? Yeah.

And so I just, you know, I just, you know, I was saying I'm afraid because it was financially traumatizing to me. Yeah. For so many years, you know. Well, I can certainly understand that.

Yeah. So you've been down this road. Obviously, you were in a real financially difficult spot. You've gotten out of it.

You certainly don't want to go back. And yet what I'd like to see is for you all to be able to honor God in the way you're handling his money, but also drive even greater unity in the marriage. And I think that comes by putting your finances together.

It doesn't mean, you know, we're not thoughtful and intentional about that. Let me ask you this, Linda, would you do you think the three of you or the two of you, would you be willing to sit down with a third party, a certified Christian financial counselor who really specializes in this area of money and marriage if we would cover the cost of that and offer that to you as our gift to you? Do you think he'd be willing to work with somebody that might be willing to hold you accountable and give you all some ideas on how you can do this? I would be willing to do that just because I want to make sure that, you know, I'm being obedient to the Lord and that I am, you know, I'm the type of wife that I need to be in that aspect.

And I think he would have hesitations, but I think, you know, if it did help for the betterment of our marriage, I think, you know, he would be willing to do that. Yeah, that's great. And I know you, you know, have some trauma from what you've been through.

So I don't want to minimize that at all. I hear you and saying, Rob, I just don't want to go back there. And I get that. And yet I think there's a path forward where through prayer and a mutual willingness to come together and with the third party who can be bring some accountability, a godly counselor, I think perhaps we could see a breakthrough here. But let's see. Let's walk down this road one step at a time and check it out.

You stay on the line. We're going to pay for a certified Christian financial counselor to connect with you and your husband as our gift to you. And just promise me that you'll report back along the way. God bless you, Linda. We'll be right back. Stay with us. Thanks for joining us today on Faith and Finance Live on Moody Radio. I'm Rob West. We're taking your calls and questions today with lines open. We're ready for you.

Eight hundred five, two, five, seven thousand. We're talking anything financial today, although we did begin the program today talking about money in marriage. We had the privilege of talking to a caller just before the break. And we were talking to Linda about keeping finances together in marriage. They've been down this road having been in financial difficulty now out of it. They've kept their finances separate to address that. And we were talking about how they might think about bringing that back together. Andrea has a comment about money in marriage and how she and her husband have worked through that in Indianapolis. Go ahead, Andrea.

Hi. My husband and I, when we give, you know, we donate a lot of money or not a lot, but relatively, I guess. But anyway, when we decide how much we're going to give to each to whatever charity it is we're giving to, he writes down a number.

I write down a number and then we put them together, add them together and divide it in half. And that's what we get. I love that. Yeah, it works out well. And, you know, because there's something he wants to give more to than I do and vice versa. But what's nice now is that we don't even write it down. I just say, well, this is what I was thinking.

And he says that this is what I was thinking. And so we just add it together and there we go. And we never fall about it. It's just the way we've done it for many, many years. And it works out great. Yeah, I love that because it reflects both of you. It gives you both input into the decision. But it also, you know, recognizes that you're doing this together. And so it's going to require that each of you compromise a little bit. That, of course, takes communication, which is key to having a productive marriage around this topic of money and everything else for that matter. But let me ask you, Andrea, that helps you solve for the amount.

How do you solve for the where of giving, where the money goes so that it reflects both your passions as well as his? Well, we have pretty specific things that we give to we we get lots and lots of letters, you know, asking for money. And we we've been in the same area for many, many years here in Indianapolis.

So, you know, we just have very specific things that that we give money to that we're both just very passionate about. And so, you know, that's how we know that we do it. Well, that's that's an encouragement to our listening audience.

I can tell you that, Andrea. Thank you for weighing in on this conversation today. We appreciate you being on the program. Eight hundred five to five, seven thousand. I've got a few lines open today, perhaps one for your question or comment today, whether it's money in marriage or anything financial. Give us a call.

Eight hundred five to five, seven thousand. Let's stay in Indiana and talk to Julie. Go ahead. Hi, Rob.

Thank you so much for taking my call. I guess I have a little comment, too, on top of my question. My comment was that I've been married for 30 some years. And what we started doing in the beginning was to always say if we had a purchase that we wanted that was over a certain amount, we would talk about it. So when we were first married, it was like if it was if it's going to be something with over one hundred dollars, we would talk about it before we go out and spend it on our own. So now we can bump that up some.

But at the time, that was that was a good amount. Yeah. Did that work for you? Did it help? It did.

It worked very well. And then we didn't have anger over somebody spending too much money on something. Yeah.

He doesn't come home with a boat and, you know, you don't come home with whatever it is you're passionate about. Sure, I get it. That's great.

What was your question today? How can I help? My question now is my daughter's in kind of an unusual situation where the past five years she's worked for a farm where a large amount of what she would normally get an income has actually been like a barter system. So she has had an apartment and hasn't had to pay rent or anything. So she's been like I said, she's been living there for five years. She doesn't really have much credit now because of that. So she's paid cash for cars and she hasn't had to pay for utilities or anything.

So but the farm's going to be sold. So they she's she is married now. And her husband's kind of in the same situation where he hasn't had much of a credit history. So I wanted to know if you had ideas on how they could get the best loan possible without having much. They don't have bad credit. They just don't have much of a credit score at all.

Yeah, it does create some challenges. Do they have good documented income, Julie? Yes. Okay. And is it self-employment income or are they W-2 employees? Well, her husband's W-2 employee and she's self-employment. Okay. And will it require both of their incomes for them to qualify for the mortgage? They could probably do it on just his. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, his will be a bit easier just because especially if he's had that job for a while, because the W-2 income is a little easier than the self-employment income. Although they can certainly use both. I think the key is to just do what they can to establish credit. So a credit builder loan, which is basically a loan where you pay yourself interest, but it's for the sole purpose of being reported to the bureaus as an on-time payer every month. You could add them as an authorized user if you wanted to in one of your accounts, even if you don't give them a card, then your information would start passing over.

As long as you don't have any late payments, that could add some positive credit to their credit history or your daughter's, let's say. Secondly or thirdly, they could get a secured credit card where they put three or four or five hundred dollars on deposit and then get a credit card against it. And then they can charge up to that amount, even if they just put one budgeted recurring transaction. Maybe it's a media subscription for twelve dollars a month.

It hits the card. They pay it off. Now they're reported as an on-time payer.

So, you know, it's a matter of being on time. It's a matter of having low credit utilization, meaning balances below 30% of the limits. And it's a variety of credit types. So they want both revolving credit and installment credit. Revolving is credit card. Installment is like a car loan or a mortgage. Now, I don't want them to go into debt and pay a lot of interest just for the sake of their credit report. So the key will be, can they start doing, making some steps that will start improving that credit score, get into that house, and then maybe a couple of years from now when their credit's better and rates are lower, they're looking to refinance.

I think those are kind of the big ideas moving forward. Thanks for your call, Julie. We'll be right back. Great to have you with us today on Faith and Finance Live. I'm Rob West. We're taking your calls and questions today.

Lines are open. 800-525-7000. You can call on any financial topic. If you want to continue the conversation on money and marriage, we can certainly do that. Or living, giving, owing, and growing.

That's right. Everything we do fits into either our lifestyle or our spending plan, the giving that we do, that which we owe for debt and for taxes, or our short and long-term savings, the money we're growing. And God's Word speaks to all of them. We want to help you make a practical decision in light of biblical wisdom in your financial life. So give us a call.

We'd love to chat about it. 800-525-7000. You can call right now. Before we head back to the phones, let me mention a special giving opportunity that you have this week only.

That's right. We had an incredible donor, a faithful supporter of Faithfi step forward and say, listen, as you press toward your year-end listener support goal, I want to help. I'm going to put up $50,000 and I'm going to provide a dollar-for-dollar match from Monday the 11th through Friday the 15th of December.

So that's this week between now and the end of the day on Friday. Every gift you make to Faithfi, to the work that we're doing here for Faith and Finance Live and our app and our website, our coaches and CKs, all of that is going to be doubled. And so if you'd consider a gift, we'd certainly be grateful. We're trying to reach our year-end goal of 250,000 and this dollar-for-dollar match up to 50,000 this week will help us make huge progress toward our year-end goal. So just head to faithfi.com, that's faithfi.com, click the give button or go to faithfi.com slash impact and you can read all about what we've accomplished this year, also where we're headed in the year to come and check our progress toward the $50,000 match.

Again, that's faithfi.com, just click give and thanks in advance. Alright, we've got a lot of calls here but room for a couple more at 800-525-7000. Let's dive in.

Cleveland, Ohio. Paula, you're next up. Go ahead. Oh, hi.

Thanks for taking my call. I'm just calling in regards to the SOFI, I believe it's called, the High Yield Checking Account. The SOFI, potentially, yeah. Yeah, is that it? Yeah.

And I just wonder what you thought of those. Yeah, you know, I'm comfortable with the online bank option as long as you have the FDIC insurance. Now, I would generally recommend you go to either bankrate.com or you go to nerdwallet.com, look at the ratings. They'll typically use a five-star rating system that's a combination of the strength of the institution as well as their customer service, the product offerings that they have, their rates and their fees. So, I'd head to bankrate.com and take a look but I think at the end of the day, something like SOFI or any of those online banks that you will find highly rated at bankrate.com are a good option.

And here's why. Because they don't have the brick and mortar operations, they can pass that savings along in the form of no fees for checking and savings and higher yields. So, you know, you might find 4.6% on a savings account at one of the online banks where at a brick and mortar bank, you might find, you know, they're paying less than a one-half of 1%.

So, it really can be advantageous and as I said with the FDIC insurance, you've got the backing of the full faith and credit of the United States government that your money is going to be there and they're going to create the liquidity even if we had a bank failure, you know, but that is just so rare. You know, we had a situation earlier this year with a particular regional bank that had mismanaged their assets and had a failure. It was not systemic. It wasn't widespread and, you know, here we are.

It's a thing of the past. So, I would say, you know, that's something I would be very comfortable with. Okay. All right. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate your time. You're welcome, Paula. Now, with anything you do online, make sure you're using best practices.

Strong password, change it regularly, no public Wi-Fi when you're logging into the account, that kind of thing. Don't click links in emails even if you recognize the logo, but as long as you're doing those things, you know, I'm comfortable with you heading in this direction. Thanks for being on the program today. We appreciate it. Let's head to Indi. Hi, Lou. How can I help you?

Hi. Thanks for taking my call. I guess my question kind of goes along with a question right before that, in that I guess I have so much money in investments in IRAs, partly in traditional and partly in Roth IRAs, but with the predicted recession or whatever next year, 2024 and stuff, a lot of people, a lot of experts are predicting that. And I'm 69, so I'm on the end that I'm going to be taking money out. And so I'm wondering if it's wiser to pit at least part of my money. It's now 60, 40 percent wise stock versus bonds. But I wondered about the wisdom of taking some of the money out and actually putting it in more like a bank, like a high yield bank and or I've got some little bit in I bonds. But I just and even the money market in Vanguard right now is, I think, above five percent. And it just seems like it's more stable in the next few years.

And I just don't want at my age. I don't know if I have time for recovery before taking money out. Does that make sense? It does. No, I completely understand where you're coming from, Lou. So you said the the assets are currently in retirement accounts. Is that right? So 401K or IRA?

Yes, I have. I don't have a lot. I have 50,000 in traditional 50,000 in Roth. And I actually have 50,000 in just the money market right now in Vanguard because I'm thinking about using it as a lump sum for long term care, which is the second part if there was time for a question.

But I'm looking at traditional versus the hybrid policy and having a lump sum. And I'm still working part time. But and I have some in I bond. I think just 10,000 right now. And I have probably about 10,000 in a just a bank, online bank.

Okay. And is that that final 10,000 that you just mentioned there? Is that your emergency fund?

Yes, actually, it is. Okay, very good. And you said you're working part time. So are you living solely off your part time income or are you also drawing Social Security? I'm actually drawing Social Security and I probably could get by just on my Social Security pretty tightly, but I could get by on that. So what I'm really looking into now is the long term care and how to get that underway before I get any older. So but to protect my money right now, because, you know, I just don't want to see losing money.

Yeah, sure. So here's the way I would go. And again, this doesn't replace you getting a comprehensive financial plan. But I think at a high level, I love that you've got the 10,000 in emergency savings. I love that you're thinking about long term care.

I'd look at buying a high quality policy there as long as, you know, if you're doing a single pay, then it's covered. If you're, you know, make sure you can cover any increases along the way. But that's your biggest risk in this season of life. And then if you're living modestly and you're able to continue part time work, maybe you enjoy that. That's money you can continue to sock away because if you're able to live on Social Security alone, that's huge. And then that makes this 100,000 something that can just grow for the unexpected in the future.

I actually like you keeping this invested. You know, despite the recession, I mean, recessions are part of normal economic cycles. We go through them, we pull out of them. And the moment we try to pull out and time the market, try to sit on the sideline and jump back in. Just about every time we miss the recovery, the data is not in our favor on that.

So I would go at 70 years old or almost 70 with a 60-40 portfolio, 60 bonds, 40 stocks with an advisor. Let's do this. Stay on the line. We'll talk a bit more off the air. We'll be right back. Thanks for joining us today on Faith and Finance Live.

I'm Rob West. We're so glad you're along with us today as we help you apply God's wisdom to your financial decisions and choices. You know, each week we're so thankful for our friend Bob Dahl. He stops by with his market analysis and commentary. He's chief investment officer at Crossmark Global Investments. He's a Wall Street veteran. You'll see him frequently on CNBC and Fox Business.

And we always look forward to his insights into what's happening around us. And Bob, no shortage of information to analyze today. Looking at the markets, I mean, obviously we're green, although fairly modest gains. We've got inflation data out and we've got the Fed meeting as we speak. So what do you make of all of it? Yeah, I think the market is going ho-hum. This is not about the Fed anymore. It's about, you know, a soft landing, decent earnings, falling interest rates, falling inflation. It's nirvana has arrived. I hope it's that good and that easy.

I'm not so sure. The inflation numbers today, Rob, were kind of down the middle of the fairway in terms of what was expected. Headline inflation, the lowest we've seen in a couple of years. The core inflation numbers still stuck at 4% year over year, which is problematic for the Fed. It's nowhere near that 2% target.

Yeah, that's exactly right. And that's why we're probably not going to see rate cuts any time soon. I think consensus, at least in a study I saw over the weekend, Bob, was perhaps middle of next year. We start to see some rate cuts.

Is that what you expect? I think middle of the next year, the earliest. The Fed Fund futures curve is suggesting early in the second quarter. I think that's too soon for the Fed to capitulate that they've gotten the job done with this inflation number still at 4. And I think Chair Powell in his comments tomorrow will try to put some cold water on speculation about when the Fed's going to start cutting rates. Yeah. Obviously these high interest rates continue to take their toll on the economy. Whether or not that's shown up fully in the data, obviously it's eroding just the overall economy, both corporately and for the consumer, right?

That's right. We're seeing some signs of weakness just here and there. It's not pervasive yet, Rob. But it's not the kind of ebullient numbers we were witnessing three to six months ago. So a slowdown is clearly on the way.

The question is, how much does it slow? And only time will tell. Yeah. Now I know we've talked about this before, Bob, but you really feel like we're entering a period where we just need to kind of accept the fact that the returns of the last two decades are probably not going to be the base case in the decade to come.

Is that still what you're thinking? You know, sad but true. I think we can still make money in stocks and bonds, but our selectivity is going to be absolutely key. We're not going to get bailed out, as it were, by a strong market that takes everything up double digit percentage, which is kind of what we got used to, Rob, prior to the last couple of years. So given valuation levels are much higher and profit margins are higher, it's much harder to see those big gains from here.

So selectivity is going to be absolutely key. Yeah. Last question, Bob. Obviously, we had our final Republican debate. You know, we're coming up on an election year. The rhetoric is going to dial up even more if that's possible. Are you hearing anything from either side with regard to fiscal restraint, the economy? You know, what are you hearing? And is it giving you any sense of encouragement about where these candidates are headed?

Sadly not, Rob. That is to say both sides of the aisle, that is to lead contenders, Biden and Trump, are talking about spending more money, not less money. Nikki Haley on the Republican side has talked about the need for some look at entitlement reform in order to make those programs last not just a few more years, but a few more decades. But that's few and far between.

We are stuck with big spenders at the moment. Yeah, unfortunately. And that's catching up with us all too quickly. All right, Bob, we always appreciate your insights. Thanks for being here, my friend. Talk soon. Thanks. All right.

That's Bob Doll. He's chief investment officer across smart global investments. You can learn more and sign up for his investment commentary across smart global dot com. Let's round out the program today with your questions. Going back to the phones to Chattanooga. Hi, Dave. How can I help, sir? Hi, Rob. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. Questions.

Pardon me. I my daughter, who's now 19 years old, has gotten herself into a bit of a financial pickle. And my wife and I are trying to figure out how to help her out without financially giving her help. She signed a lease, a year long lease with an apartment, and she never moved in. She gave a deposit. Basically, she signed on the dotted line.

And meanwhile, and I forgot to tell us to your producer, she is now out of state going to college, going to school. And now she found out she's found out she's been turned into collections for an enforcement of the full year's worth of the lease, which comes to about ten thousand dollars. So she essentially has no job. She has no source of income and she has no assets. So she really doesn't have a way to pay any of this debt back. And it wasn't it's not even a debt for, you know, a service that she used. You know, she never lived there. So we're just I'm trying to give her options. And this is sort of out of my area of expertise.

So I just was wondering if you had any suggestions. Yeah, I mean, obviously she's obligated herself to this. Was she the sole lessee or was there somebody else on the lease as well? Unfortunately, she was the only person that signed on the dotted line.

OK. Yeah. So, you know, regardless of the intent or maybe the conversation that took place that led up to her signing that legally, she's responsible for the amount that, you know, for the duration of the lease that went unpaid, uncollected. Typically, what happens here is if the rent goes unpaid for 30 days or more, you know, they could report that the landlord could report it to one or more credit bureaus. Once it gets beyond that, typically they'll sell it to a collection agency.

It sounds like that's what happened here. You know, and then they will certainly report it to the credit bureaus. So that's obviously hurting her credit.

But the key right now is she doesn't have the ability, you know, to make good on this. So it's probably just going to have to sit out there, you know, other than damaging her credit report. One other situation is that they could try to seek a judgment against her, you know, which would obviously be problematic.

That could result in garnishment, that type of thing. But it's likely it'll just sit on her credit report. I think the key is at some point, once she has the ability to do so, she's either going to want to go in and try to do some sort of settlement where she negotiates a payoff at a lesser amount than what's owed, which, by the way, will be noted and does affect her credit. But at least it'll get that balance to zero and she can start rebuilding from there. The other option is she starts to get on a repayment plan with some sort of monthly payment that fits into her budget. But given that she's just starting out, you know, that's obviously problematic in terms of your ability to help and desire.

I think the first question is, number one, do you have the financial ability to do that? And then if you do, do you feel like this is a lesson she needs to kind of learn the hard way and deal with the consequences, which, by the way, she can get beyond this. I mean, eventually she'll have enough income. She can pay this back and she can get her credit repaired.

And clearly she's learning some things along the way. Or do you and your wife, as you've prayed and thought about it, do you really feel like the Lord's prompting you to step in and perhaps, you know, be willing to match, you know, whatever she puts toward paying this off or you guys pay it off to try to get her credit and then let her pay you back over time? Although now you're putting, you know, that master slave relationship that the Bible describes for lender borrower, you're now bringing that into the family dynamic, which can create, you know, relational strain. And that's the last thing that I want. So give me your thoughts on all that.

Excuse me. Yeah. She so part of this is, yes, it's a life lesson. She she now admits that she was very naive and signing this and did not understand what she was signing at the time. And so, yeah, my wife and I, we sort of are viewing this out of the, you know, this is a life lesson that you're going to learn the hard way. In fact, I've had that conversation with with my daughter and I think she understands that and accepts that. But yet I don't want her to have lifelong consequences for this. You know, if that makes sense. I'm sure it's not lifelong, but, you know, I'm trying to set her up. We tried to set her up for success and she she made adult decisions without knowing what she was doing.

So, yeah. Well, you know, I think the key is the most recent information impacts you the most. So if she gets on a budget, maybe she gets a secured credit card, puts a budgeted item on that card that hits every month, starts paying it, being reported as an on time payer.

I mean, this has already done some damage. The combination of this plus probably a lack of credit is probably has her credit score very low, which is going to create problems with she wants to buy a car and get a loan. You know, it could even even be used for employment decisions and insurance premiums.

So there are real ramifications to this. And yet it's not something she can't get beyond. I think the key is, you know, how quickly does she get into herself in a position financially to actually start making some progress toward this and get on a repayment plan? You know, if you all want to help but do it in a way that's productive and reinforces the right decision making, maybe you agree to match every payment toward getting this settled. So she feels a little bit of the pain of that. But you're also stepping in whenever she's able to make progress toward it.

You do the same alongside her. So, you know, at the end of the day, if if you all negotiate this down to from 10 to five and you each put in twenty five hundred dollars, you know, maybe that helps you ultimately get it paid off. But I think the key is, you know, let's talk to her about the implications. Sounds like she's learned her lesson. I wouldn't be too fearful that this is this means she's never going to have any credit. She will. But eventually it's it's going to have to be repaid either by her or her and you together. And I would just, you know, be prayerful about the right approach to that.

It's going to come down to what you and your wife feel from the leading of the Lord, plus your financial readiness in order to be able to do that. Hey, thanks for your call, Dave. All the best to you. I know this is not easy. That's going to do it for us today, folks. Faith and Finance Live is a partnership between Moody Radio and Faith by thank you to Dan and Amy and Robert. We'll see you tomorrow. Bye bye.