Husbands and Wives: Different on Purpose

In 1901, a woman by the name of Annie Taylor climbed into a barrel so that she could ride that barrel over Niagara Falls. The first person to do that, the reason for her crazy endeavor?

She was struggling to make ends meet, and she was hoping for fame and financial security. It's Ryan from the United Faith mortgage, a faith and family mortgage team that tries to improve your financial outlook without having to ship you over a 170 foot board. Our company gets to use its own money and make its own decisions within its own walls.

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God creates Eve in Genesis 2, so man and woman were made of the same flesh, but still with very important gifts. Today, host Rob West welcomes Compass founder Howard Dayton to discuss how those differences affect the way spouses view money. Please hold your calls today, because we are prerecorded. But I'm Steve Moore, happy to have you with us for MoneyWise Live. Well, Rob, our friend Howard Dayton has written several books about God's financial principles, and today we're diving into one of our favorites, Money and Marriage God's Way, to find out why and how spouses often differ over money and finances.

Well, this is a topic that just about every couple can relate to, I'm sure. Howard, great to have you back with us today. I know you're joining us from your home in South Carolina. Thanks for being here.

Wonderful to be with you, Rob. Howard, I think we should clear something up right out of the gate here. Spouses viewing money differently isn't a bad thing, is it? The late Larry Burkett used to say if the husband and wife were both the same, one of them would be unnecessary. That said, usually spouses need to work on the differences to avoid conflict. For example, one spouse might be a saver, the other a spender, but that's still not a problem unless they can't agree on a budget and stick to it. You know your spouse was given to you by the Lord to complete you, not to frustrate you. These differences can be caused by our gender, background, personality, even our relationship with the Lord. The failure of couples to understand just how these differences affect their finances can really hurt in the marriage relationship, but there's really good news. When the husband and when the wife recognize these differences, they can really rely upon the other strengths to compensate for their own weaknesses. Yeah, that's really good and so important for every couple to understand. Howard, let's look at some of these real life reasons why spouses might differ in their attitudes about money. You mentioned gender. That might be a good place to start. How does that affect our view on money?

Yeah, that's a really good place to begin and let's not kid ourselves, Rob. A man might never understand his wife's enjoyment of Antique Roadshow or a woman may not understand why he's back on his recliner watching another sports game on the big TV. Husband and wife are hardwired differently, but that's a good thing. Although there are exceptions to the rule, men and women typically differ financially in two basic ways. First of all, the women tend to be more security oriented. Guys tend to move more comfortably, taking risk, piling on debt. And the second basic difference is that most husbands feel the burden, and I say that with all understanding, the burden for providing for the family. They really take 1 Timothy 5 to heart, which says if one does not provide for his relatives and especially for members of his household, he's denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

So one of the primary ways really that husbands express their love to their wives and children is by fulfilling this responsibility. And that's one reason that men often work long hours. He worked for the same company for 20 years, lost his job when the corporation downsized during a huge recession. And it was, frankly, just really difficult for him to get a job. This is MoneyWiseLive. Your host is Rob West.

I'm Steve Moore, our special guest today. Still no job over six months, and his wife just couldn't understand why he couldn't find a job. And she began to complain, you know, why can't you get a job?

You've gone to a dozen interviews, still no job. What's wrong with you? And her comments really wounded him to the core because the husband's inability to provide for his family often produces feelings of guilt, shame, even inadequacy. And when a wife complains or expresses doubt about her husband's abilities, he's likely to interpret it as personal rejection. So wives really need to be sensitive, Rob, not to disrespect their husbands when the husbands are working hard to provide.

Yeah, there is so much we can learn, each of us as husbands, as wives, and how we can come together pursuing God's heart, which is oneness in this area. Howard, just around the corner, will continue to unpack the other aspects that affect our relationship to money. This is MoneyWise Live. Your host is Rob West. I'm Steve Moore, our special guest today, Howard Dayton.

We'll be back with more after this. Well, in today's program, we're talking about biblical finances, and we're going way back to Genesis because there we find that God created man and woman, and yes, there are some differences there. And some of those differences may impact the way men and women view money in a marriage.

And Rob West, obviously, our host, joining us today also. Well, in today's program, we're talking about biblical finances, and we're going way back to Genesis because there we find that God created man and woman, and yes, there are some differences there. And some of those differences may impact the way men and women view money in a marriage. Well, in today's program, we're talking about biblical finances, and we're going way back to Genesis because there we find that God created man and woman, and yes, there are some differences there. Well, in today's program, we're talking about biblical finances, and we're going way back to Genesis because there are some differences there.

A lot of this, in fact, all of this that we're talking about today can be found in that great book. Just before the break, we were talking about gender differences and how that brings uniquenesses to the marriage relationship that we have to work on together. Understanding she's different than me, he's different than her, and that's not a bad thing as long as we can appreciate it. Howard, there's other differences that can make this challenging as well. What about differences in background? How do they determine attitudes about money?

Big time, Rob, big time. My first wife, Bev, and I could not have grown up in families that differed more from each other. Bev's modest log home, it actually cost $300 to build when she was a kid, was one of the few in the rural community that had indoor plumbing. I mean, she learned how to repair her family car, she had to be careful to stretch every penny, yet her family was incredibly generous with folks who had need. She was really extraordinarily frugal and extraordinarily generous, and my parents were classic entrepreneurs.

They started with nothing, they grew a business that provided a comfortable lifestyle, and I am totally clueless when it comes to auto repair. But I do understand God's financial perspective, and so we could not have come from more different backgrounds. Well, and that's very common, isn't it? And I'd love to know how that then played out in your marriage. How did those differences affect you and Bev? Well, frankly, we were unprepared for the challenges early in our marriage because of the way our families, their values colored our thinking about money. And differing expectations towards spending, debt, saving, giving, those things placed a real stress on our early marriage. Fortunately, we discovered that God had designed our childhood circumstances to help us balance each other. Because of Bev, I learned to spend less and be more generous.

For me, she learned how to stay out of debt, become a wiser investor. So couples really need to discuss their different backgrounds, evaluate how they've been influenced by their parents' financial attitudes, and really discuss what influences have been healthy, which ones haven't been healthy. How can we work together to use the positive influences in our own marriage? Oh, that's so key, and it's a learned behavior, isn't it? It would be great if we could start out that way, and yet often it takes many years, if not decades, to figure that out. In fact, all of us are probably still growing in understanding how we can communicate well with our spouses. And what makes this challenging, Howard, is that the old adage, opposites attract, really is true. Spouses often have very different personalities.

That's so true. And I'm in a position I think probably many people will be at some point in their life. And I know that your mom went through this, Rob, when you have a spouse that you've had for a long time. I was married to Bev for 46 years.

She passed away after a five-year journey with cancer and got remarried a couple years later. And there's just a whole new dynamic. But the good news is I was used to communicating and finding out what was on my new spouse's heart with respect to money, how was her background, different than mine. And so communication is a lifelong adventure. But I really do believe with all of my heart that God links the husband and wife together, even though they have different backgrounds, there's different gender issues, of course, but it's for the benefit of both of them. Howard, your book also mentions the importance of husband and wife talking about and discussing about these differences even before they tie the knot. You know, things will come up in a marriage, that's guaranteed, but if you can offset some of those early on while you both still have stars in your eyes under Christ, obviously. Howard, your book also mentions the importance of husband and wife talking about and discussing about these differences even before they tie the knot. And that is for both of you to write down those things that are really important to you. Early on, while you both still have stars in your eyes, under Christ, obviously, and that's vital, don't you think? I began to court Lynn, my second wife, that's exactly what we did, and we learned more about each other during that three-hour discussion that we probably had in the months that led up to that by identifying those things that are really important to you, including your financial life, and discuss them with one another with honesty and transparency. This is so helpful, Howard. You know, we hear from a lot of folks that call the program, as I know you experienced as well as hosts of this program previously, that are having challenges related to money in marriage, and it comes down to differences in their own spiritual walk. Talk about that piece of it as we wrap up today.

Well, that's huge. It's probably the single most important thing, Rob, that if you have a person who knows Christ marrying a person who does not know the Lord or you're already married to a person who doesn't know the Lord, there are significant challenges, can be significant challenges. And I think fundamentally the key thing to do if you're a believer married to somebody who doesn't yet know Christ is to love them like Christ loves us, to encourage them, and in the appropriate time to share Christ, certainly to pray for them, that they would come to know the Lord. And then you have the circumstance, Rob, where you have a person who is fully committed to following Christ married to somebody who's relatively indifferent about following Christ. And their values will be different, and it's challenging. But by God's grace, he can work in those circumstances as well. But you can still try to have great communication with your spouse regardless of where they are spiritually, but recognizing that that's going to serve as differences for sure.

Yeah. Well, Howard, this has been great advice for using our differences to our advantage in marriage. It requires a bit of a shift in our thinking, and yet it's real, and it's really in line with God's heart. Thanks for stopping by to share this with us today. Loved it, Rob. Thank you. Howard Dayton has been our guest today. His book Money and Marriage God's Way is available at MoneyWiseLive.org.

You're listening to MoneyWise Live, but today we're not live, so if you hear that phone number, please don't call, but do stick around. Lots of good information ahead. Well, I thought maybe we could do something a little different here, because the emails have been stacking up. So what if, for this segment before the next break, we just tackle some of these emails, all right? I like it. Yeah, let's do it. That sounds good.

Yeah, I like it too. All right. This one is from Morris.

in Redding, Pennsylvania. He says, I am thinking about getting started on a small scale in the stock market. I'm new to this, so I don't want anything complicated.

What do you recommend? Yeah, a couple of things, Morris. Number one is you want to begin to educate yourself on investing, but I would do that from a biblical perspective. A great book on this topic, which you'll find at our website MoneyWiseLive.org, is The Sound Mind Investing Handbook. You'll begin to learn everything you need to know, but through a biblical lens, because God's Word has a lot to say about how we handle money, including our investments. So that's called, again, The Sound Mind Investing Handbook, and it's put out by Austin Pryor, who's the founder of Sound Mind Investing.

They're a great friend of ours here at MoneyWiseLive, and their website would be another great resource, SoundMindInvesting.org. What you're going to want to do is first define the purpose of the money. So you want to make sure anytime you're putting money in the stock market, Morris, that this is long term money, meaning you shouldn't really need to touch this for at least 10 years. And if that's the case, then you can put it in a properly diversified investment portfolio.

By the way, that idea of diversification comes right out of Ecclesiastes. You don't want to put all your eggs in one basket, but you can put it into a diversified portfolio, invest it in some high quality investments, and let it go. And it's going to go up and down, ebb and flow, but over every 10 year period, at least historically speaking, you should do well, better than you can do in a even a high yield savings account or a CD or anything like that. So that would be the approach I would take. I would use some mutual funds or exchange traded funds to do this. And again, at SoundMindInvesting.org, they can help you find some really high quality funds to put the money in.

And then the last thing I would say is you want a dollar cost average, which just simply means whatever amount you want to put into the market, perhaps an initial amount, but then you might want to add to it monthly. As you put it in every month, you're going to buy in at different points in the market. You'll buy in when the market's up, you'll buy in when the market's down. By the way, when the market's down, you're going to get more shares of the same investment for the same amount of money. And as that recovers, the buying in systematically like that is going to be the very best strategy and it allows you to put in a good bit of money over time. So take my advice on that, the Sound Mind Investing handbook, SoundMindInvesting.org, be diversified, invest in mutual funds and ETFs and do it on a systematic basis. And I think you'll be off to a great start. But, you know, Rob, quite often we hear from people and when they ask a question like this, what they're thinking is, how do I pick out four or five cool stocks to invest in?

And how do you respond to that? Well, especially as of late, Steve, because some cool stocks have been all over the headlines, right? Making lots of money, some of them in electric cars and others having to do with brick and mortar gaming companies. But, you know, I think you need to resist the temptation of doing that. That's not prudent investing. Investing that the Bible describes is described as steady plotting and buying the latest high flying tech stock is anything other than steady plotting. It's more akin to gambling because you're trying to jump in and make a quick buck in the market. And that's just not what investing is all about. Investing is for the long haul with an appropriate level of risk in a properly diversified portfolio with the right time horizon. And that is not buying the latest high flyer.

All right, here's our next email question from Sam in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Dear Rob and Steve, I own a home that I want to sell so I can purchase a new place. How do I sell and buy at the same time? I need the money from selling my current home to get the new place.

What am I missing? Well, yeah, this is a classic challenge, Sam, and it's one that requires some good planning and perhaps a couple of different options. You know, option one is you actually buy, you actually close on the sale of your home on the same day you buy the next home and you move the proceeds from one transaction to the other. Problem is it typically doesn't work that way.

Oftentimes one of two things is going to happen. You're going to have to sell your current home and then agree as a part of the contract to rent the home back for a period of time if the new buyer is willing to let you do that so that you have time to go out and buy your next place. That would be one option. A second option would be you come up with temporary housing. So you put everything in storage, you go live with some family members or friends, or you rent something for six months, you close on the first sale, you put the proceeds in a high-yield FDIC insured savings account, and then you start shopping for that next home. Guess what? The good news of that strategy, even though it's a little inconvenient, is you'll have cash ready to go in a seller's market where there's low inventory, you'll be ready to move when you find the right place that the Lord has for you.

So one of those three scenarios is probably right from you. A simultaneous closing on the sale and the buy, renting your home that you sold back for a period of time, or moving into some temporary housing. Well, we just have a little bit of time left. You said it's a seller's market. What does that mean, really? Well, yeah, Steve, that just simply means in a seller's market, you know, there is very little inventory out there. So the housing market has been very strong over the last number of years, many years, actually. And what that means is people are buying homes up, and there's not a lot to choose from. So when you're going to buy a home, oftentimes, there's multiple contracts within days, even hours of a home being listed, which related to our last email question, is part of the challenge. So going ahead and selling your home in advance, having the proceeds, which means you have alternate housing set up during the interim, is actually to your advantage.

Because if you go in with a contingency on selling an existing home, they're probably going to pass on your contract in a seller's market, because there's other people where they don't have that potential risk that you don't sell your home and the contract falls through. So an interesting time here in our seller's market. That's for sure. Rob, thanks very much. If you'd like to know more about our ministry, visit us online at MoneyWiseLive.org and MoneyWiseLive.org. We're going to pause for a brief break, but we'll be back. Remember, today's program is pre-recorded.

Don't try to call in. But more MoneyWise Live right after this. Thanks for tuning in. This is MoneyWise Live. That guy over there, the good-looking one with all the answers, he's Rob West.

I'm Steve Moore, the flip side of all that. And we're glad to have you with us today. So today's program is pre-recorded. Don't try to call in. But we do have some very interesting callers lined up, and some of their questions may be yours. So let's dive in.

Up to Minnesota. And Mark, thanks for hanging on, my friend. How can we help you, sir? Yeah, I've got a question on annuities. I appreciate you taking my call, by the way.

Sure. And I've got a retirement fund, a 401k I've had in a former employer for, I don't know, 20 years. And I've moved on to a new employer, but I left my 401k where it was.

And now I'm looking at rolling it over. I'm 60 years old, so we're looking at kind of slowing down. We've been moderate investors up to this point. And working with a thriving person, they're wanting me to put it into a variable annuity. And I know you just talked to a caller about annuities, which kind of gave me a few of my answers. But what's your thought on that? Is that something that is wise to do with this? Or should I roll it into my existing?

Yeah, you know, it may be, Mark. I think the reason is just determining why it is you're choosing an annuity, or why it's being recommended to you, and then making sure that that's the best fit. What is it you're trying to accomplish that leads you to believe, based on what you've heard, that this is the best move for you?

Well, you know, we're getting older. We're looking at retirement in probably five or six years. And of course, the market could become volatile, and we could lose a substantial amount. So looking at a place to put it that's a little bit safer, or maybe just getting it out of the moderate aggressive type investment. Yeah, well, there's no doubt that there needs to be a change in the investment strategy as you transition from your working years to your retirement years.

The question is just whether you need an insurance product to do that. I mean, what you would typically see is it would move to a largely fixed income portfolio with a growth component to it. So, you know, whereas you might have 60% in stocks or more, you might in this new portfolio have 30 or 40%. You know, where that over time, not in any one or two years, but over five or 10 years.

Because remember, if the Lord tarries and your health is good, you could need this money to last for a couple of decades or more. And so over 10 or 20 years, that growth component should do well like it has over the last 100 years in stocks. And that's going to provide a little bit of extra growth that would supplement what you're getting in the fixed income portion, which is probably not going to do well over the next year. I mean, with interest rates near zero and, you know, bond prices probably coming down a bit, you know, it's not going to be a great time, you know, for fixed income. But again, these two things over the long haul should average out to a pretty good return and still give you access to your money. But if you'd feel more comfortable with an annuity, and there are some good ones out there, and I'm a big fan of thriving financial, you know, that may be something that gives you and your wife more peace of mind to know that you don't have any risk, even if that risk was mitigated through a smaller allocation to stocks and knowing that you have a guaranteed return that you can count on, as long as what it's going to grow to and what it will ultimately become if you convert it to an income stream is going to meet your needs now and in the future. And there's inflation riders and, you know, all that has been thought through through a really well thought out plan, then I could get on board with that if it gives you peace of mind to know that you're handling God's money in the way that, you know, you feel like is prudent. I just wouldn't automatically assume that you can't minimize the risk without going to an insurance product.

I think there are certainly ways to do that and still keep access to your money by just building a portfolio that's focused first on, you know, capital preservation, preserving what you have, and then, you know, capital appreciation and income second, which is different than during your working years. Does that make sense, Mark? I think maybe we had a line problem with Mark, but Mark, we're glad that you called today. Hope you heard the rest of Rob's answer and it sounded good to me, Rob, for what that's worth.

Before time gets the better of us, let's go to Akron, Ohio. Melinda, thank you so much for holding on today. So what's on your mind? Sure.

Thanks for taking my call. My husband and I recently sold a rental property that we previously lived in. We made a profit and we're not sure what to do with the profit. We were thinking about maybe putting it towards our current mortgage, but we were kind of looking for an idea of what we could do in order to offset our taxes for next year. Yeah.

Well, a couple of thoughts on that. I mean, you know, the first one that folks would typically mention as long as you identify the replacement property within 45 days is something called a 1031 exchange. But that would mean that you'd want to take this money and roll it into another investment property.

Are you looking to do that or are you trying to exit real estate investment? I think we're trying to exit. We're not 100% sold on that, but pretty much exiting it. Yeah.

Okay. Well, the 1031 exchange is a way by which you kind of push that kick the can down the road, if you will, you know, by delaying the capital gain because you roll the profit into the next property that you identify within 45 days. And you conclude the exchange within 180 days and essentially defer that till down the road so the money can keep working for you. But if you don't want to do that, I think at this point, it's just a matter of looking at the priority uses of the money.

You're going to have to pay the capital gain. So what would it look like to give a portion of it away and, you know, and get a deduction that's going to decrease some of your tax liability and allow you to give more to kingdom causes? And beyond that, what's just the best use of the money in terms of your own financial foundation? I would ask things like, do you have an emergency fund of three to six months? If not, you know, I would fully fund that and an online savings account. Do you have any consumer debt, you know, credit cards or other types of debt, student loans, cars that that you want to pay off, you know, and then beyond that, if everything kind of is in order, you're on track for your long term savings. Do you want to accelerate the payoff of your mortgage? That would come down the line a few ways for me, you know, after emergency fund, after consumer debt, after making sure you're putting enough away for retirement on a monthly basis. But it's certainly on the list because we absolutely want you to be debt free, if at all possible, by the time you hit retirement. And if you can do it sooner, great. I love the peace of mind that comes with being unencumbered and having your home paid off free and clear.

So does that give you some ideas and does that generate any other questions, Melinda? Actually, we are debt free other than our current mortgage and we do have an emergency fund. So taking this profit, would that would not offset our taxes that we have to pay next year if we put it towards our current mortgage?

No, it would not. You'd still have a capital gain that would be due on the investment property proceeds. And so you need to visit with your tax preparer to understand what that is. And then once that's paid, it's really just a matter of, OK, now where do we want to put this money? And given that you know what you said about being debt free apart from your home, it sounds like accelerating the payoff of your mortgage would be a great idea.

And then if you have anything left over other than giving, you could look at investing it maybe in a more passive sense where you don't have to keep the maintenance on the house and the repairs and all the things that come with having an investment property. OK, great. Thanks for answering my question.

OK, Melinda, thanks for your call. Hey, Rob, word on the street and you know how that is. Word on the street is that you occasionally hang out on the Money Wise app.

Is that still true to people? I do. Yeah. Right there in the community tab, Steve, which in addition to the digital envelope system where you can download your transactions, we have a community tab where we share ideas, encourage each other and ask questions. And I jump in there to help answer some of those. I love it.

Check it out today when you visit MoneyWiseLive.org. We'll be right back. Hey, thanks for joining us today.

We know you have lots of other options and you've chosen to spend some time with us. And since this is a call in program that really is vital, however, today's program is prerecorded. So please don't try to call in. But tomorrow, the next day, we'll be here live. But today we've got some calls all lined up in advance. So thank you very much for that. Let's see.

How about Plant City, Florida. Teresa, thank you for calling in. And what's on your mind? Thanks for checking my call.

Yes, ma'am. Because I have a home that I bought eight years ago. Pay cash for it. It was a bank foreclosure home. It needed a few repairs. So I borrowed a HELOC on it to make repairs. Now, eight years later, the property needs some more.

It needs foundation repair. And I'm calling different places. And one person tried to get me to get a reverse mortgage. Another place told me to get a solar system, that solar system will pay my bills. I really don't know which way to go. I wanted to borrow enough to pay off the HELOC, which is variable.

And I wanted to go at a lower rate, you know, to get the work done. And Teresa, the HELOC is the only mortgage on the property. It's the only loan. Is that right? Yes. Okay. What do you think the home is worth? Do you have any idea?

Two hundred and fifty. Okay. And have you gotten some estimates on the foundation work that needs to happen? No, not yet.

Because that's what I was wondering. Who do I call for that? I don't know which direction to go. Somebody told me I need to get a mortgage broker and I don't have all that money to be paying out for different consoles. Yes, yes.

Well, I think we've got to separate these two. First thing is finding the right contractor to help you with the foundation repairs. And you're going to want to shop around there in South Florida to make sure you find the right one, meaning that they're reputable. They have a good review and rating and that you compare the prices. One website you could check would be home advisor dot com home advisor dot com, where you basically would be looking for foundation contractors that are very reputable and have been used by others in your community.

And they rate them highly. Another option would be to call your local church or friends and family and just ask for somebody who's had to have home repair, excuse me, foundation repairs done and that they could make a referral to you because foundations can be very expensive and they're not all created equal. Some may want to take a very elaborate approach to these repairs, which can be very expensive. And others might find other ways to do it that perhaps would still solve the problem and not be anywhere near as costly. And so, you know, it could be, you know, five or ten thousand.

It could be thirty thousand or more just depending upon what the issues are and how they want to approach it. So we've got to begin to get some estimates just so you know how much money you need. Now, in terms of the home equity loan, excuse me, line of credit, I do like the idea of you perhaps converting this to a fixed rate mortgage. I don't want you to extend it out a real long period of time and I want to make sure that it fits into your budget.

But I think perhaps this could be the opportunity for you to pay that off, get the money you need for the foundation repair, which is critical if it's a real problem, and, you know, have something that works into your budget at a low interest rate that you can begin working toward paying off. What do you have available in your budget that you could use? How much on a monthly basis that you could use for this new mortgage? About seven hundred.

I don't use for anything. All right. Very good. And what are you currently paying toward the home equity line of credit every month? Five forty three. Five forty three. Okay.

And yeah. So I think based on what I'm hearing and what I'm in again, the wild card here, Teresa, is what is it going to cost to make the necessary repairs to the foundation? But you probably with the reduction in the interest rate with a new first mortgage, as long as you have the documented income that you need and you have a good credit score, hopefully something over seven hundred, you're probably going to get a pretty attractive rate.

I'd love for you not to extend this beyond 15 years, if at all possible. But I think the starting point is to find out what we're dealing with in terms of the foundation repairs, just so you know how much you would need to borrow. Then you can start shopping this with some mortgage brokers and even some of the online banks to see what would be available to you at what rate. And then what's the corresponding monthly payment for you to take care of both of these loans so you can make the needed repairs. So I'm going to encourage you as a next step to begin investigating these this foundation repair, get some quotes. Again, you could go to home advisor dot com, check with your friends and family, check with your local church. You want to try to find at least three companies that specialize in this to come out, look at it and give you a bid on the project. And then once you have more information, then we can start looking for the loan that's going to be the right fit for you. It's not going to put you into a real trouble spot in terms of your monthly budget, but will overall help you pay this off even quicker than you are with your current track on this HELOC. So that would be the next step I think you need to take and then give us a call back if you have other questions. Yeah, great advice, Rob, because lots of people don't know much about these kinds of repairs for a foundation. It sounds kind of scary.

It could be made to sound scary, whether it is or not, and you don't want to jump at the first person that gives you a price. So really check around and ask God to help you find a godly person who'll shoot straight with you. God bless you, Theresa. Hi, Tom. What's your situation, sir? Yes, hello.

Hi. My wife and I, we're born-again Christians and we've always tied and we continue to tie on our income. My son got himself, well, I'm sorry, he did not get himself into trouble, but he is in trouble with the law. And we have legal expenses estimated at $28,000 coming up. Now, we have no savings. I'm a photographer and COVID pretty much wiped out my business since last March.

My wife works part-time and we live on Social Security as well. My question to you is, we, thank God, we raised $25,000 of the $28,000 on our GoFundMe page. And my wife and I are talking and praying about whether we should tie on that gift money that came in for my son's legal expenses towards the $28,000.

Yes. Tom, I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you've had financially as a result of COVID and also the legal challenges that your son has had in our prayer. And we'll ask the MoneyWise Live community to be praying to this end.

Our prayers that he's on the right track moving forward. With regard to your question about the GoFundMe account, I would look at that really as a designated gift. This is money that was given by generous folks who want to be helpful in this situation. Obviously, I would suspect they know the situation and they're wanting to come alongside you in a difficult time to provide some financial assistance.

And that's a real blessing. But they're giving this money for this specific purpose, not giving it necessarily for you to give somewhere else. So I would look at this as a designated gift, which I think separates it from what I would consider normally to be my increase that we would then give systematically on as a tithe.

I would not put this in that category for the reasons I mentioned. So I think the key is see this as a blessing, acknowledge that before the Lord and to these people, your gratefulness, and then proceed for the intended purpose behind which they gave the money. And that is to take care of these bills. And let's trust that perhaps this is going to make a statement to your son that will really just cause him to see the generosity and the open handedness and the love behind the folks that came alongside him. And you, during this difficult time, maybe that will be something that the Lord will use to get his attention. So we'll be praying for you.

But I think this is not money I would be tithing on if it were me. Thank you, Tom. Blessings to you and your family. Quickly, Gurney, Illinois.

Hilda, just a couple of minutes. Can you give us the high points here? Yes, absolutely. I was not very wise in savings back when I was younger, and now in my mid 40s, two high school students, freshmen and juniors, and they obviously need to be paying for college sometime in the next couple of years. I was looking into some webinars and I've been hearing a lot about getting a whole life insurance and using that to pay for college. It's not going to accumulate a lot of cash value in the beginning. They suggested to have the students get student loans, and then I would be paying the loans after the deferment with this cash value.

Could you explain a little bit further, because for me to get more information, I have to pay a membership or... Yeah, let me touch on this, because unfortunately we're about out of time, so I want to be able to give you an answer here. This is not my favorite approach, Hilda, for saving for college. It is a viable strategy in that the cash value of the whole life insurance can be withdrawn, or you can set up a loan that you intend to pay back out of the policy, and that can be used to pay for college. One benefit is that those assets are not counted for the purpose of financial aid, so if you happen to potentially qualify for financial aid, this won't hurt you.

But the biggest disadvantage is just, frankly, the cost of the premiums. It can be very expensive to have this whole life policy, so I would much rather you save whatever you can between now and when they go off to college in a 529 plan. You can go to savingforcollege.com to find the best 529 plan for you. That's going to be counted as your asset, which is factored in at a very small percentage, around 5%, when you calculate the expected family contribution for the financial aid. It's a great tool that will allow it to grow over the next few years, and then, for the balance, let's not just assume they have to borrow, let's do everything you can for them to pay for college.

Maybe starting at a community college for a couple of years, working in the summers, maybe getting an on-campus job like I did as a resident assistant, or just apply for every scholarship under the sun. You can get some great books on Amazon for that, but 529 would be my preference over the whole life. Thanks very much. I appreciate your call. I wish you boys the best. MoneyWise Live is a partnership between Moody Radio and MoneyWise Media. Thanks for listening. For Rob West, I'm Steve Moore. Join us again next time.