Tender Warrior Series- Part 3: Caring Provider

Welcome to Man Talk, a ministry sponsored by TAWCMM, Talking and Walking Christian Men's Ministry, where we're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination and to point men to their God-assigned roles. Now here's your hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones, Jr. Welcome to Man Talk Radio. My name is Roy Jones, the white guy. And I'm Will Hardy, the black guy. We hadn't said that in a while.

We hadn't, we hadn't. In case new listeners would be good for them to hear, Will. Well, first of all, on a personal note, congratulations as you have shifted gears in your career path and so happy for you. Now you get to do full-time ministry work, because if you didn't already have enough to do with your ministry work, now you're going to be fully engaged. And Will, happy for you and very proud of you and excited to see where God's going to take you these next several years. He's taken me many places, and I'm thankful to God that he took me through all of those years to be at this point where I am now. So I'm thankful to God for all he has done. Amen. And one of those things for me personally to be thankful for is the fact that you and I came together in 2013.

You know, we first met at those days in our office building. There was a special folks. There was a special thing about Will.

His countenance and his disposition, I knew, at least I felt, close to 100 percent sure he was a brother in Christ. And those of you who haven't heard the story, I went to see him and asked that very question. Amen. And they can go back and listen to some of the other podcasts on that. Well, hey, Will, we're supposed to pick back up on Tender Warrior, part three, if I remember correctly.

That's correct. And this is about being the caring provider. But before we move into that, let's just give the listeners a quick recap. Part two was the servant leader, and part one was just embracing balanced masculinity. And you know, I think, Roy, if the listeners go back, if they hadn't already listened to those, go back, and that'll build some solid foundation to where we're going.

Yeah, yeah, no, I agree totally, Will. And for those of you that don't know, Tender Warrior was personally a book, and I mentioned in one of the previous shows, that really made a difference in my life when God got a hold of me in 2005. And my mentor took me through Tender Warrior, these various components, and it was a really good book. So if you're discipling some young man or man, older man, doesn't matter, this book would make a world of difference in their growth and their personal journey. So just a quick shout out there for the book. And of course, Stu's been a friend of the ministry.

You know, we've had him in our events a few years back. But part three is the caring provider. It's about fulfilling the role of provider beyond material needs, Will. And part of it is what they've said to talk about in the book is redefining provision. Discuss the traditional view of men as providers, Will, and we think about, when I think about providing, and I know what you think about providing, what is the traditional view? Well, the traditional view, Roy, is sustenance, basically.

It's, you know, where, you know, the bills are going to be paid and for a head and car and all this other stuff. But I think when we talk about this, the non-traditional, we look at the spiritual aspect of providing, being the provider, being the king, the priest of the home, which the Lord calls us to be. You know, so we are not just saints, but kings and priests. And, you know, kings, what they do is they make decrees.

That's what kings do, you know, and priests are the ones who look over the spiritual health of the household. So I think as men, if we don't understand the basic principles behind what a king-priest does with respect to how to build the internal character, and see, we're not just talking about the external. We're talking about the internal character of an individual. We're talking about those things that are not seen with the naked eye. But when they are manifested within the person, you see that manifestation coming out.

See, that's the difference. And if men can't position themselves such that they grasp the fundamental truths of the Word of God, then they are already behind the eight ball, so to speak. So provision moves from a biblical sense, moves more to an emotional, spiritual, and a relational perspective, right? And that's one of the things that as being a caring provider, you have to be cognizant of that as the husband, as the father, or uncle, or brother. As being a leader of God, you need to be cognizant of those components as well. So it's not just about putting the roof over the head, not just about providing food on the table. It's about being emotionally strong, and leading, and spiritually strong, and leading, and taking those various components. Because, see, if you get the spiritual part right, then the traditional part is going to come.

But I think in the world, they twist that around and turn it around. So they look at what I'm providing for you. If a man gets upset at his wife, and he says, look what I've given you, you know. So he already starts to point to the things that he's given, or he's providing, and they're all materialistic things. But see, if you understand, and walking in the Spirit, and not fulfilling the lusts of the flesh, as the Word of God teaches us, then what happens is, when you as a man have developed the need for the Spirit, because you've got to have that, before you can let him operate in and through you, once you have that need for the Spirit, now the wife can see that in you. And if she sees that in you, and she wants to follow the direction, because if she's living that born-again, believer's life, she's going to want to do that.

Why? Because the same Spirit that is within the husband, it's within the wife. And God has given us his Spirit for that purpose, so we could have unity. Not unity amongst the household, but unity amongst the brother, unity amongst the neighbors, unity amongst the church family.

Darrell Bock Yeah, that's good, Will. Well, one of the things you said earlier, based on the Word of God, and being in the Word of God as the lead, that's where it all begins, right? And we know, statistically, that that's an area of struggle for most everyone, is their time in the Word. When I did the sermon a few weeks ago, it was around being consumed by social media, and one of the statistics that came out as I was doing my research was that 63 percent of folks claim to be of Christian faith or be Christians.

And in that 63 percent, only 11 percent, I think it was, read their Bible 30 minutes a day, which is pretty astounding when we think about the Bible being the foundation for all things, the way God designed it, and we're not spending any time in there, and I say collectively, statistically across the board. So I think that's a key thing here as well, as part of this Tender Warrior, is knowing that you've got to be in the Word of God, and you've got to be praying regularly, and you've got to be asking questions and talking to brothers, talking to your family, and getting counsel and having open discussions about questions that come up. Absolutely. And we can't be ashamed at those things that we may not understand, because no one man knows everything. So this is why we have the community of brothering and sisters alike, to come together so we can share out these things, and then as a group, understand where an individual might be struggling, and then we might be able to offer a little support here or a little support there, and not just coming from one individual, because experiences mean a whole lot.

If an individual has gone through that or knows someone who has gone through that, then of course they can share those things out. And of course experiences, as you always say, go ahead and say it, Roy. Yeah, our favorite saying is, the man with experience doesn't have to argue with a person with an opinion. That's right. See, I set Roy up for that one.

We're reading off the same page of music there, Will. Absolutely. Now, number two, emotional support. Let's think about this in terms of the importance of being present and attentive to loved ones' needs. I think as men, that can be quite the struggle. You were about to reel off.

Go right ahead there, Mr. Will. No, I was going to say that. Exactly. It means a lot, and the reason why it means a lot is because if an individual is absent, then obviously they can't add anything in building up not only the relationship between husband and spouse and then husband and children and things like that, but he can't offer any spiritual guidance because he's absent. He's doing things with the boys, or he's having his free time. That means a lot, but you have to ensure that it's put in the right perspective.

No, that's good, Will. One of the things that come to mind as you were sharing that was the fact that we've got so many men and women, I would say, that are preoccupied with phones. They're present, but they're not present. They're physically present, but they're not emotionally present because they're decoupled from what's going on across the dinner table or what's going on in the living room or time with their children because they're distracted, if you will. They're physically present, but they're emotionally absent. Exactly. I think that's one of the things that... Well, in fact, back to that consuming piece that we talked about just a few months ago, that was one of the key things is that the number of folks you see in the restaurants that are with their families, but they're all tied up on their tablets or phones.

What a great opportunity to talk about the spiritual leadership of your family is right there at the dinner table or at the breakfast table to share and be emotionally present and be an emotional support. An active listening is a key part of that, too, Will. You and I have talked about this before in our own training at work and that sort of thing in our previous roles, but active listening is being able to hear what the person is saying and then mirror back what you've heard them say, at least what you think you've heard them say, and then they can come back and say, yes, you were spot on on what you heard me say. That is exactly what I meant. Or, no, you kind of missed the meaning of what I was trying to share with you. Yeah, and see, that's the key. The key is the meaning.

You hear one thing, but then you interpret what you heard differently than what the speaker wanted you to interpret. So of course, we do the Word of God like that all the time. We read something, and we want to read our understanding into it instead of discerning, letting the spirit discern and then take those things because... Now, Will, you know what nobody does, though.

Oh, come on, Roy. Well, I go back to 1 Corinthians 2 and around verse 10 through 14 or 15, where the scripture is really, really clear, where it says, No man can know the things of another man except the spirit of that man which is in him. Neither can any man know the things of God except by the spirit of God. So if he don't have the spirit of God, then he can't discern and interpret the things of God. Neither can he hear and understand those things that the spirit of God wants him to interpret correctly. Because remember, rightly dividing the Word of Truth. Study that shall thyself approve unto God. A workman not needing to be ashamed, but rightly dividing the Word of Truth. So there's only one way to rightly divide the Word, and that's by the spirit. And if we don't have the spirit or we're not feeding our spirit with the things that the Holy Spirit wants to give to us, then again, we're already behind the gate. That's good stuff, Will.

Good stuff. Spiritual guidance. When you think about spiritual guidance, what does it mean to foster spiritual growth, Will, within the family or community? Well, again, it's being not only the overseer, but being the priest and king of the home. You got to know what's going in. You got to know what's going out.

You know, the home. Because if you are unknowledgeable, it's just like intelligence. We have intelligence operatives for a reason. They're gathering intelligence on the enemy, and that's what we need to be doing spiritually, is gathering intelligence on the enemy. We need to keep ourselves up date with what the enemy is doing in order for us to be able to combat the things that he eventually is going to throw us, because every day we wake up and our feet hit the ground, the fiery darts are coming. So the listeners on the line with us, Will, how would you give them guidance or coaching on how to make that happen? What's that, the fiery darts you're referring to, or the... Well, the spiritual guidance, you know, the growth within the family or community, what would that blueprint look like? Well, everybody needs a foundation, regardless of who they are.

And of course, we're talking about men in this case, and the head of the home. So you have to have a foundation. If you don't have a foundation, or if you keep yourself going back to the same thing over and over, and you never grow from that, then again, we have to go over there to Hebrews and talk about how an individual is still being fed with milk, and they need to be eating meat and moving on from those points.

We just can't simply keep going back and rehashing the same thing. And see, that's no growth. So this is what God was blessing through the apostle in Hebrews.

Of course, we say Paul, but the book is really not ascribed to Paul. But we have to understand that, that we can't, an individual won't grow if they're still having to constantly remind themselves of things that they're growing away from, and they're constantly coming back to those things. So if you find yourself constantly coming back... To sinful ways. ...to the same thing that God had freed you from, then you have to ask yourself the question, I'm not growing.

There's something hindering me. So you have to do a self inventory of your life. Couple things that come to mind right there is the accountability piece, which we talk about, and that's part of being a strong leader and strong servant, is having people hold you accountable. And that comes in the form of coaching, counseling, mentoring, if you will. And if we don't have those things, then we get really prone to going back into the old way of doing things. Exactly. And we're very big proponents of that. And you've been great for me to help challenge things, thought processes, questions that I've had, and just thoughts in general about, hey, Will, what does this look like?

And that's so important. The other thing is, if you recall back what Will just said a moment ago, is you've got to be moving forward. So if you're not growing or moving forward, then the antithesis of that is you're coming back, right?

You're reseeding or you're losing ground. And that's one of the things that we don't want to happen. So in order to prevent that from happening, we've got to surround ourselves with other like-minded people. We've got to be in the Word. We've got to be praying. And we've also just got to listen, back to listening. And listening comes from listening from the Holy Spirit's direction or guidance in our hearts and in our minds, and knowing when something's truly godly and not. And if you're not sure, that's when you certainly need to be praying even more so about whatever decision you're dealing with or topic that's at hand.

And it could be some of the stuff that you're struggling with that you thought God had freed you of, and maybe the enemy just keeps taunting it in front of you and putting it in front of you to get you distracted, right? Exactly. Because, see, if you're in a small group, and we're saying in a small group of five or six people, what's going to happen is they are all bringing what they've learned from different areas of their life. So that's an immediate hurdle right then. Yes. So an individual might be coming from, let's just say, a Catholic background. Another might be coming from an AME Zion background. Another might be coming from Pentecostal.

Another one coming from Presbyterian. So they're coming from all these different areas of denomination. And so you're going to get various and sundry degrees of interpretations. But see, the interpretation, the Holy Spirit wants us to get is, when God wrote his word, he only meant for it to be interpreted one way, but many, many applications. So you can apply that word in many, many different ways, but he only meant for it to be interpreted one way. And of course, we talked about that on a past podcast, when we talked about the word and how to study the word. And when you go to the word, there are certain questions you should be asking. So we asked the listeners, if you want to catch up on that, to go ahead and do that. Go find that episode. Absolutely. It's out there.

I think it's titled just that, How to Study. So number four, building strong relationships. What is the value of investing time and effort into relationships? How do you really, if you were to put that in words, the importance of that, Will, what would that sound like? You know, emphasize the value of investing time and effort into relationships. Well, anyone can... Why is that important?

Anyone can invest time. But the question is, is the time quality time? And is the time spiritually centered and base? Because again, you have to have the spiritual base and then begin to build off that. But that's important and it's valued because without that, you basically have nothing to stand on, you know, because we start to pull fruit from different trees and we should be eating from the same food if we're in the same household. So I don't want to be eating oranges and apples and you're eating pears and grapes.

So I mean, that's a pretty, you know, boisterous type of definition. But it paints the picture is that we need to have the same and like mind. So that's where it's valued.

And see, anytime when you don't value those type of things in a relationship or within a household, then you're going to start pulling things from the outside. And when you start bringing things from the outside in, now you introduce another element that, you know, the Holy Spirit's going to have to deal with. That's right. And then overcome. Very good point. Lastly, we get coming up on the end of our session right now for episode the part part three, excuse me, the caring provider balancing work and family. Well, you can probably speak to that better than I can.

Yeah. You know, managing professional responsibilities with family life and then, of course, share strategies for achieving a healthy balance. For me, that's a great point, Will. I think as men, we first 20 years were working on building our career and trying to achieve success, if you will, quote unquote, especially if we weren't taught what it meant to be a spiritual leader of your family and be that man of God and certainly get off the sidelines. And I was a late bloomer in that respect, but God got a hold of it. But point being this is that between work and family, family should be the first priority. Work should be you're working just to provide like we were talking about earlier and take care of and be that provider for your family. Then your then your work should be and even falls further down the list because if you talk about the relationship with God first, then your family, then your job and then your network or how you want to align those last couple of things.

For me, it was been the first 20 years was working too many hours, wasn't serving God like I needed to serve. And that's something we can help you if you're younger in your career, younger in your life or your marriage. Put your wife first, then your children in the family unit and let your children always know that your wife is the most important thing in that family. You love your children, but they they joined the family after the two of you joined each other. And that's what I used to always tell my kids. I say, look, let's be clear about everything. Your mother was here first.

We love you and will die for you and protect you and care for you. But your mother was here first. And so we learned balance later on. But as the kids were starting to grow up, we taught them very early on the importance of God in their life, then their mother and then the rest of the family in terms of importance.

Absolutely. Because, you know, kids have a way of if they don't get what they want from mom, they go to dad. They go to dad. And see, this is why I'm saying you should be eating from the same tree, fruit tree. So if you're eating apples and the way we dealt with it in the house, it's like if your mother said this, I'm on board. Yeah. And seeing that, that ends any thing that you're going to go to dad and talk about it.

Because if mom said or if they go to mom, if dad said it, then that's fine. We're aligned. That's it. That's the final word.

Same as if I said it to you. Exactly. Well, you know, one of the things that most people struggle with is just what we just talked about, spending too much time on the career development early.

So if we can head that off for some of these younger men that are just entering in or in the middle of it, that if they'll focus on God first, their family second, and let everything else fall in line behind that. That's right. And we're not saying that career is not important.

It is. But what we are saying is you need to have things prioritize and put in perspective. Yeah. So that when the hardships come, and they will, they will, then you'll be able to fall back on that spiritual component and say, God, you know, you got me this far, you're going to get me through. I'm just going to remain open to your spirit, because I can't begin to tell you the amount of times I had to call on God in my career.

I mean, it was it was I mean, I could spend 20 years just on podcasts talking about how God has delivered me and brought me through certain situations in my career path and walk of life from the military until I retired just last month. Yeah. And he says that with a great big smile. Absolutely. Okay. For quick recap, folks, the caring provider provision, support, spiritual guidance, building strong relationships, and balancing work and family. Well, folks, we appreciate you taking time with us to listen to this podcast. We're excited to be back with you.

And we'll thank you so much again, congratulations on your your new job position. And, folks, we just will let Will close out in prayer and then we'll be back with you next week. Lord, we thank you for this opportunity that you've given us. We hope and pray God that someone out there listening will be touched by the words that were spoken today. Because we know God that only you can make a stony heart soft, smooth and massageable. And so we thank you, God, for just allowing us to be vessels and you blessing us to put the word out so that so many who might be struggling or who might need a resource can go to this resource, Tender Warrior, and look through this, read it and talk about it with other men.

Talk about it, you know, with people who you see who might be struggling and come together in a way to build a community of men wherever you are. And we just thank God. We thank you for just everything that you've done and you're continuing to do. In Jesus Christ's name, we pray. Amen. Amen. Thank you, Will.

Thank you. As we conclude today's show, TAWCMM, talking and walking Christian men's ministry are building a community of men to be servant leaders in their home, communities, churches and work environment. Check us out on our website for upcoming events and regular scheduled meetings. Don't forget to send us an email for topics that you would like us to visit in the future. Thank you for joining us today on Man Talk. Visit us at TAWCMM.com.