Tender Warrior Series Part 1: Embracing Balanced Masculinity

Welcome to Man Talk, a ministry sponsored by TAWCMM, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where we're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination, and to point men to their God-assigned roles. Now here's your hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr. Welcome to Man Talk, a ministry sponsored by TAWCMM, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where we're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination, and to point men to their God-assigned roles. Now here's your hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where we're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination, and to point men to their God-assigned roles. Roy Jones Jr. is one of the many people that we have gotten up to. I don't know if it's that many, but yeah, it's up there.

It's way up there, so pretty amazing that we've been, that God's allowed it to be taken that far across. And so, you know, one of our colleagues who's in Switzerland as well, listening to us, which was pretty cool. And you know, Roy, we had, I had an email from Al, and he said, you know, I've been, I was listening to one of your podcasts, and you were talking about Calvinism versus Arminianism. And I don't know if you were on that one or not, you know, when we, because there was a few that I have done alone. I wish you could see Will's body language right now.

It's like, where were you that kind of way when we did him alone? But yeah, he said he wanted to talk about that subject some more. But we got a nice, nice subject matter today, and Stu Weber, and I know you, big Stu Weber individual, you read this book, and we're going to be talking about Tender Warrior. Yeah, and let us make a quick correction. I think we may have referenced Tender Warrior as we were going through four pillars of a man's heart. Those are two separate books, so my apology for that. But the book that we're getting ready to go into is Tender Warrior, and the previous two shows were on the four pillars of a man's heart.

Actually, I guess maybe a couple of shows beyond that. But Stu Weber is an amazing guy from the West Coast. I think he lives in Oregon now. But Stu, and as we may have mentioned in the past, Stu and General Boykin are really good friends. They're really best friends, to be quite honest. Both former military, both former Special Forces military. And those that don't know General Boykin, he was, if you've seen the movie Black Hawk Down, he was the commander, I think, that Sam Shepard, I believe, played his role.

Not by name, but actually played the role that General Boykin served during that campaign, during that theater. So, amazing gentleman as well. A close friend of our ministry, which we've had him on with us before. Spent quite some time, and of course we had him with us back in January as well.

In actuality, we had Stu Weber, as we mentioned previously, in 2015. We had the two of them together, which was an absolutely phenomenal opportunity to share and listen to those guys share with other men, to share with them. So, quite a great event for us, Will. So, what we're going to talk about tonight is Tender Warrior. And what this book is about is it's got several components of what it means to be a man, and a tender man. Let's talk about Tender Warrior, Will, when you think about the word tender and warrior.

It's almost like a contradiction in terms, isn't it? It is, but you know, I think a tender man is a man who's caring, a man who understands how to love others, you know, and how to accept love from others. So, understanding that when Jesus went out and when he engaged with people, he had that tender spirit. You know, he showed compassion to those who needed compassion. And I think as a result of being tender, you can understand the other side of that, of being a warrior, a protector.

One who makes sure that things that come inside the home, you know, will not damage, hurt, or even destroy the spirit. Oh, that's good. And also start breaking down the family structure, because that's what the enemy does. Well, and we know what his whole purpose is, right?

Kill, steal, and destroy. That's right, that's right. So, you make a good point there, Will, about being the warrior, but also being tender, and as it relates to the home. I've heard it asked in the past when we look at how we live our lives, and you and I have talked about this many times, Sunday looks different than Monday through Saturday does for quite a few people that claim to follow Christ. They're checking a box on Sunday, then they go back to whoever they are Monday through Saturday. It doesn't always look the same. Most times it doesn't for a lot of folks, right?

So, when you think about your home, as you mentioned earlier, that's the very thing that men and women that are for single moms, but men, if you're in the household with your family, you need to be cognizant of that fact that whatever's coming in could be the very thing that sidetracks or derails your child, or derails your marriage, or derails the family dynamics that you've mentioned. Because the powers and principalities are after us. That's right. They're trying to battle with us, and they are battling with us every day.

And through these mechanisms, whether it's a movie, TikTok videos, all those different things we've talked about in the past, it will happen and can happen. And see, that's a fine balance too, Roy, is trying to balance the tenderness with the warrior part. Because if you have someone who is only looking at one side of an individual as they let God bless through them to come and be that warrior, and then they say, well, just two days ago you showed a tender side. It seems like you were more compassionate. Now, you know, I see like this other side, so they may be thinking, and this is individuals who are not born again or who do not understand the principles behind being tender and a warrior at the same time. Right, right.

So how would you balance that? Well, for me it's about full understanding who the individual is, right? If you see just a snapshot of time, it could be the wrong snapshot if you just take it in that one context. But if you take it in the broader sense, the full view of what the individual is and represents and how they live their life, then you may have a different view. So the balance is that before we pass judgment, we need to get to know what the full picture is, right?

Absolutely. And I think that's the thing that in today's society with social media going ballistic, it doesn't matter what happened before the quick snapshot that we see on these short videos or pictures or whatever, or what happened after, all that people make a judgment on and on that person on the action is what they see in that moment. That's a good analogy, too, because I think that sums up the whole concept of how a person thinks about an individual, which would be totally wrong, not having a full understanding, as you mentioned, of the person's character and how they lived their life during that before and after. So that's a very great point because each and every time we look at ourselves, we have to ask ourselves as men, am I being tender when I need to be tender, not when I want to be tender?

Oh, that's good. And am I being a warrior when I need to be a warrior and not when I want to be a warrior? And the difference is there, Roy, is when an individual wants to be a warrior, they start to assert themselves. This is what I mean.

Sure. They start to assert themselves, and then they move away from the biblical principles. And they say, well, you know, if I'm the man of the household, then you need to A, B, C, D, E. So what they're doing is they're looking at the warrior more as a dictator rather than an individual who is a protector. Yeah.

In other words, an initiator, they're looking for things to battle versus just being the protector. Exactly. Yeah.

And Lord knows we've got enough issues these days to battle if you really wanted to go choose those platforms to jump on per our pre-recording conversations. Exactly. So when you're talking about, he mentions in the book, challenging stereotypes.

Yeah, yeah. Now, a stereotype would be what, for example? Well, a stereotype is just one that comes to mind. We could even, and I know we're not talking politics, but in this case, we could just say, you know, those people that are on the right side of conservatism are labeled as Christian fanatics, right, because they have a biblical-based, most have a biblical-based view, whether they share that that way.

As we know, and we were just talking earlier, that's not necessarily the case. But that, to me, is a stereotype. People think just because that they're Christian, they're radical, they're going to be bombing clinics, all that sort of thing. That would be classified as a stereotype. Yeah, I agree there, because, you know, when you're talking about societal stereotypes and the masculinity of those stereotypes, I think people look at a man and they say, this is, so you ask ten people, what do you think masculinity means, and you'll get ten different answers. So stereotyping, when it comes to masculinity, they'll say, well, a man, you know, a man must be this. A man must be that. But then when you look at a lot of things that people think that a man should be, that's what they end up doing. They end up stereotyping them based on their definition and explanation as to what a man should be, instead of looking at it biblically. Right. You know, and once you understand the biblical characteristics of what a man should be, and you exhibit those characteristics, if the receiver don't understand that, then, number one, you need to explain that to them. And if they choose to back away and say, well, no, I disagree with that because, you know, we're all talking about men in general and how society looks at them, but we, as men of God, we have to say how God looks at us and then how we should be an example, just as Jesus was the example to his disciples, and his disciples were example to all the other individuals who were to follow after Jesus went up and the Holy Spirit came down on the day of Pentecost. Amen. So, yeah.

Amen. Well, you know, one of the things, Will, that we want to talk about in this particular session is, how do you, in your life, how would you describe your own personal experiences where strength and tenderness were both necessary? Well, you know, again, it depends on who you're talking to and where that individual stands.

If a person is open-minded, and they don't even have to necessarily be born again at this point, but just open-minded to understand that, hey, I'm struggling with this or I'm going through this, and I just want to be open to listen. So they'd be open to listen, and now all of a sudden they capture one, two, or three little nuggets during a conversation, and they say, you know, I never looked at it that way. I can't tell you how many times I've had individuals say that during counseling sessions. You know, I haven't really looked at it that way. That's really good.

We need to try this. And then all of a sudden, you know, they'll come together and they'll say, you know, because we never looked at it this way and this is something that both of us should do, then let's go ahead and journey down that road and trust God and see what happens. So I think that that could be a conflict or couldn't be a conflict depending on an individual's understanding. Sure, sure. Well, when you reflect back on your own life, Will, you've raised children. You know, you've had a great career, and I'm sure you've got an example either professionally or personally where you had to exemplify the warrior's strength but also the tenderness of the warrior. Oh, absolutely, and, you know.

Anything that comes to mind? Well, you know, when you have children, the enemy is going to test the children through you. And when that happens, you have to understand and recognize who is using the children at the time. So to be the warrior, now you have to come out and say, you know, and you have to explain it to them.

This is the reason why we won't allow you to do certain things because of the reflection not only that it's giving you but it's giving to your family and your family name. And so sometimes they get mad. Sometimes they say they listen as they get older, and they say, you know, Dad, you're right.

And, of course, my kids are, you know, one is 39 and the other one is 37. And to this day, they still say to me, Dad, I am so glad that you had conversations with us. And, see, that's the tender piece, you know.

The warrior piece is this is why we can't do what you're doing or you say what you're doing because of the reflection of the lead. So I think that that, for me, would be an example of letting the Spirit of God lead you to be strong and say, if it hurts now, as you get older, you'll understand the reason why we did it. And, again, that depends on the age of the child, what they went through, you know, while they were there under the home and all that.

So, yeah, you have to be strong, but you also have to use that tender side in explaining why you're doing what you're doing. And the current times we're in today, Will, with the social media addiction, the phone addictions, and not to mention the addictions to substances, the addictions to pornography, all those things, you make a good point. It's important for the parents to explain why you shouldn't be involved in these things, why you shouldn't be doing this, or why you can't do these things, so they understand the long vision. And that's one thing that we still don't do a very good job at here in the U.S., is we don't think about the long vision, the long vision in terms of our children and what their future is going to look like in 25 years because of some of the decisions we allowed them, or we made, which put them in, well, in the hands of things that they should not be in the hands of until they're adults. And even then, we know it's a problem, whether it's phones, whether it's alcohol access, whether it's just turning the kids loose, many different things that we need to make sure as tender warriors. We're explaining why they can't do it. We make sure that we know what they're doing so if something's out of alignment, we can pull it back into alignment as that warrior for the family.

And you're going to run into the challenges, as we talked about. You know, the children, again, depending on how old they are, they're going to be upset. And they're going to say, well, Dad, everybody else is doing it. I don't know how many times I've heard that. Oh, I know.

You know, under the roof. Everybody else is doing it. Well, you're not everybody else.

And I'm not everybody. And this is the difference between how we're living, we're living for Christ, and how your friends may be living. And I said, you, if you live this way, they may talk about you. They may laugh about you.

And they may scandalize your name. But the bottom line is, is if you hold fast to what we are teaching you and you hold fast to what we believe, you know, again, as you get older, the Lord tells us in the Word, he says that you've got to train up a child in the way that they should go. And when they are old, they will not depart from the faith. Amen. So that's a promise. And I've seen that promise happen within my own household. And be patient, men and women, because some of them may have varied off the path, but they will come back. Absolutely. They were taught properly when they were coming up. So one of the things that I would like to also mention here in our show together, Will, is how do you provide a practical tip to our listening audience on how men can cultivate both qualities?

I think you stepped on a little bit of it just then. Yeah. And I would say, Roy, it's tantamount to our listeners to, number one, ensure that you are walking in the Spirit. And that's critical. And again, we're talking to the believers now. Right. That you must be walking in the Spirit.

You cannot chasten your child outside of the Spirit, because what happens is now you're doing it in anger and rage rather than being controlled, or should I say being controlled critically to whatever actions that they may be exhibiting to you. So that's one. And then I think the other is having a mindset that is different from the way individuals want to impose upon you. Because there's a lot of things people say, and they talk about something, Roy. I hear this at work constantly, and it kind of perturbs me a little bit.

But they say things, and then they say, right, yes, right, like I'm going to agree with you when not even thinking about what you're saying. Because it's habitual. I hear it all the time. I heard it today on our call. I heard it yesterday.

I heard it 10 minutes ago. But the reason I think we do this is because we fall into a habit. And see, when you get into a habit or you see how others are chastening, that's another point.

I'm going to come back to that point here in a minute. But we see how others are chastening their children, and we may disagree with how they're chastening, but all of a sudden we start to reflect back on how we were chastened, and we have a habit of doing those things to our children that were done to us. And the way that those things were done to us may not be biblical in the chastening. It may be out of rage and anger, because I know we got spankings there at the house that was out of anger.

And there was no reason given on why, on some cases, not all. But it helped us understand that a child should never act out of fear. You know what I'm saying, Roy?

In other words, I fear my dad or I fear my mom in such a way that it actually upsets me or I get sick in my stomach as a result, knowing that they're going to come in and throw a shoe at me or beat me or paddle me for some unknown reason. But if you're doing it out of love, and the Bible says that we don't spoil the child when you're chasing them, we want to not spare that rod, but we want to ensure that when we use corrective measures on children that we ensure that we're explaining to them the reason why we're doing it. That's critical. This is why we're doing what we're doing. And we don't have to go through this again if you understand and walk right.

Correct the path. Exactly. So you don't stray. Because once your name, just as the names of God, you know, we call him Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Nissi, the Lord is my banner, Jehovah Shalom. When we name the names of God, that's a holiness that's given to him and him alone. So when we defame or disgrace or even shame the name of God, and then we look at our name as a result of how our children are acting, and all of a sudden it gets around within the neighborhood. You know, those so-and-so children over there, they're really wild. I don't ever see, you know, the parents doing anything to get them.

They're all running in the street and yelling and using four-letter words and all this other stuff, you know. So that reflects the name of that family, and it defames and disgraces your name. So I think if your name means anything, then you should, as men, teach your children to walk circumspectly and uprightly. And you can never go wrong.

If they get mad, then God will deal with that. That's goodwill. Well, folks, we're at the end of this program, and we'll pick this conversation up on Tinder Warrior. On our next show, we'll go through the servant leader will be our first component we're going to talk about on the five characteristics of a Tinder Warrior. As we're finishing up, we'd like to invite you to our cookout. It's about our third or fourth annual men's cookout, November 2nd.

You can pick that up on our website at tawcmm.com and slash men's cookout, tawcmm.com slash men's cookout. We'd love for you to come join us. And also, each first and third Fridays, if you're here in the area of Greensboro, North Carolina, we do our Bible fellowship here on Friday mornings at the campus, which is our host site at the Crossing North, 1130 North Main Street in Kernersville, North Carolina, 630 to 755.

And we wrap up so you can get on your way to work. And if you're in the area, we'd love for you to come join us. A special guest that we've got coming up in November 15th for you Fitness Buffs is David Redding. I believe they call him Dread. Forgive me if I've got his name wrong. Let me check that for us real quick. But he's the founder of F3 and he will be with us. David Redding and his nickname is Dread will be with us on November the 15th for our Friday morning breakfast. And we do have registration for that as well.

talkum.com slash F3. And for those of you who are familiar with F3 or not, it's Faith, Fitness and Fellowship. And they do a workout routine, kind of like a combat training, not combat, but training, physical training in the mornings. Then they have a little bit of time together to do Bible study and then they'll go get breakfast together or break out and finish up their session. So fantastic organizations about getting men active with God, active with each other and active physically. So love for you to come hear his story. He's going to come share about how God moved on his life and how this has come together through this area. So those are the things that are coming up and we look forward to seeing you again or talking to you again on our next show. And those of you that are going to be with us in person, we look forward to seeing you.

Will, always great to see you. Likewise. Close us out in prayer right quick. Lord, we thank you for this opportunity that you've given us on today. We just thank you for all of the listeners. We thank you for all of the men who are taking heed to the words in which we speak. Lord, we just put everything in your hands because we know without you, we can do nothing. But with you, all things are possible. So we just pray, God, that someone listen and be blessed as a result of us reviewing Tender Warrior and these characteristics of a man. We thank you for all that you have done, are doing, and will do. In Jesus Christ's name we pray. Amen. Amen.