It is Not About You Anymore

This is Sam from the Mask and Journey Podcast, and our goal with the podcast has helped you to try to find your way in this difficult world. Your chosen Truth Network Podcast is starting in just seconds. Enjoy it, share it, but most of all, thank you for listening and choosing the Truth Podcast Network. This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Man Talk, brought to you by TAWCMM, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where they're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination and challenging men to take their God-assigned role. Here's our hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., a black guy and a white guy.

Welcome to Man Talk Radio. Will, it's so good to see you again, sir. Yes, sir. I see you, and you're over there. I'm over here.

Yeah. We're just four feet apart. Hey, folks, welcome to the show today. Will and I were chatting earlier in the week, and we decided the topic today is going to be, it's not about you anymore, dying to self, as Scripture tells us.

Over the last several weeks, I've had some exposure to conversations with people and sharing the gospel and helping them to understand that being a follower of Christ means it really is no longer about you, and you have to die to self. And what does that look like? How does that unfold? How does that play out in your daily life? And where do the temptations come to keep it about you versus making it about others in your life?

So we're going to talk a little bit about that today. Yeah, I think, Roy, when you talk about a person who is dying to self, you know, there's obviously one choice or the other. If you don't make things about you and what you're all about, then you're looking outside of yourself. Right. But if you are making things about you and your life, then you're just, you want everybody centered on you, all eyes on you, that type of thing.

Good point. Do you think the pandemic has made that worse? Well, you know, being closed up in the home and not being able to socially interact, I think has placed some type of percentage or have an effect, you know, on people out there because they're learning more about each other. There's, you know, individuals who might be co-habitating, you know, who decided, well, you know, COVID had me locked in here with you and I'm finding out some things about you that I don't want to, you know, that I didn't know before, so I'm out of here or things like that. Or even, you know, married couple, you know, coming to a realization that there were some things they may not have seen.

Yeah. You know, one spouse travels all the time and all of a sudden the pandemic hits, the country shuts down, there's nobody traveling. And the wife or the husband's used to this individual being gone Monday through Friday. And all of a sudden that's, they're there every day.

So it looks quite different than what they had been experiencing for many years past. You know, one of the things I've noticed, Will, through this process is that people have become less courteous out in the, out just driving parking lots. You know, you're walking across parking lot. People just are so focused on themselves that they bout run over you or in traffic, they don't let you out. You signal or you let someone out and they don't acknowledge you've let them out.

Just throw a hand up or anything. It's just, it's just people really become focused on self as a whole, more so to your point, maybe during the pandemic, as a result of just them not being around other people, whatever it happens to be. But this is one of the things we want to talk about is the need for us to be worried about others before self.

Yeah. And of course the word of God says that, you know, that we should be not only concerned for our own interests, but the interests of others. So, you know, but a person might say, well, if I'm feeling bad and I'm not in a good mood to address anything kind to you, what do you expect me to do?

Well, that's a good question. So what I would expect you to do is mind your P's and Q's and don't say anything to upset me and just say, you know, I'm sorry, it's just one of those days if we have to have some sort of interaction, but if just to be quiet, the silent treatment sets off a whole nother set of thought processes, right? It, and you certainly don't want anybody to get upset with you, but it does happen. Well, see what, what happens there, Roy is, is the perception. See the enemy, the enemy puts perceived thoughts in the mind of people. Now that perception is more than likely not true, or it's been redefined to what the person who is the receiver is understanding it to be, but it's not that way. Because the enemy knows what the receiver's shortcomings are or insecurities are or triggers are.

Right. So now that person is thinking, okay, here's, here are you doing X, Y, Z to me, and now I'm perceiving something that's not necessarily reality, but the enemy is saying, it is, it is, it is. And so you keep thinking about it is, it is, and you won't let it go. Now for a born again believer, we have to change our mindset in order for those thoughts to be driven out. So you have to basically reprogram the old self as part of the new self. Yeah, well, it's called being born again, you know? So, so if we're feeding, if we're feeding ourselves and letting our thoughts of perception lead us, then that's what's going to lead us.

Right. Well, being born again is the new self, right? That's when the Holy Spirit comes to reside in you, you've accepted Jesus Christ, but the old flesh still tries to raise its head up, right? That's where insecurities or the worries or whatever you want to call it, that's where, back to the point about retraining the new self to where you're really focused on the, focused on the, on the biblical things and the spiritual things and not letting Satan and his thoughts to your comment a moment ago, embed and then create a different reaction and a perception that wasn't even intended to be there. Exactly, because if you remember, Jesus, when he was talking to the scribes and Pharisees, they were preaching and teaching tradition, traditional doctrine. And when Jesus spoke, his disciples said, hey, master, they were offended at what you said. And basically Jesus said, yeah, I know, I know they were offended and they were offended because they don't know God. And then he went further and he said this, it's not what goes into the heart of man, but what comes out. Amen. So if you let it in folks, if you let in the perceived thoughts and you let the perceived thoughts become your reality, when in actuality, they're not, then what you're doing is you're letting the enemy feed you instead of letting the Holy Spirit rule your life.

And, and I think that's a dangerous area to be in. Well, let's get a couple of scriptures out here. Galatians 6 to carry each other's burdens. And so you will fulfill the law of Christ. And, and I think to go along with that is Matthew 12 and 34, Jesus said from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speak. So what, whatever you're treasuring in your heart, that's, what's going to come out.

But that word treasure can also mean what you deposit into yourself. So again, if you let the perceived thoughts be deposited, then what's going to come out is thoughts of anger, maybe thoughts of rage, thoughts of discontent, all of these things are going to manifest themselves. And, and we don't want those things to manifest themselves because what that does is it spreads bitterness and, and every evil work that the enemy wants to, to do in and through the born again believer.

Hebrews 13, 16, don't forget to do good and to share what you have because God is pleased with these kinds of sacrifices. Amen. And, and see to, to go along with, with that is what we were talking about words and perception is the word, your words are seed, your words are seed.

For sure. Jesus, Jesus said in, in St. Luke 8, 11, seed is the word of God. So if, if the seed is the word of God and your words become seed, are our seed, because when we speak, we can determine life and death in the words that we speak. So we don't have to go out, cut nobody up or, you know, shoot someone because of what Proverbs 18, 21 says, death and life is in the power of the tongue. So your words are seed and you plant seed within people. Now, whatever seed that you're sowing, if it's discontent and the person who was the receiver received that discontent in their spirit, then that's, what's going to be rooted and ultimately grow. You know, when you think about the words that we say and speak, and this goes back to the, it's no longer about you dying to self. When we look at our spouses, we look at our children, we look at our colleagues at work, we look at our friends, you know, if we would just pause before we, to your comment earlier, Will, about planting seeds, if we would just pause before we, before we speak and make sure what we're about to say is an edifying, uplifting, positive remark, encouraging remark rather than, you know, a tear down negative piece that could be perceived totally different than what you were trying to, trying to communicate. But as believers and followers of Christ, we need to be more, more tuned in to the fact that we can encourage, we can love on, and we can serve others because that is our job at this point. Once we become, and our calling, once we become followers of Christ is truly to serve others because that's what Christ did.

And that comes in a multitude of ways and dying to self means that just that no longer worried about Roy, no longer worried about Will as individuals, we worry about, I worry about Will as my brother, you worry about Roy as your brother. That's the way things should be working. Yeah, and when it don't is when we are not letting the Holy Spirit lead and guide us, you know, in our daily activities because, you know, if somebody say a harsh word at us or what I like to call when you hit those hot button topics, hot button topics. Yeah, these days. Yeah, see, you got a lot of hot button topics.

I mean, we were talking about some on the way today, you know, over today. Some people might be, for example, advocates of gun rights. Some may not, hot button topic. One may be pornography, hot button topic.

Politics, hot button topic. So see, so I remember one time I was giving a message somewhere at a church and there was a young man who came in who I'd had conversations with in the past and I knew that he was an advocate of a certain subject matter that I'm not going to mention. And so knowing that, I saw that he was sort of like drifting. He wasn't paying attention to what was being said. And then all of a sudden I mentioned that hot button topic and boy, he perked right up.

But you know what, Roy? I didn't say anything else about it after that. He just mentioned it.

Just mentioned it. And I had his attention because what he was looking for was, what is he going to say next? Well, this is a great start to the conversation, Will. It's not about you dying to self. So we're getting ready to take a break. We'll be right back with you in just a moment. Welcome back to Man Talk Radio. If you're just joining us, we started the topic today.

It's not about you anymore. Dying to self. Will, good dialogue on the first part of the show here. Proverbs 19, 17 says, those who are gracious to the poor lend to the Lord, and the Lord will fully repay them. You know, when I think about the prophet who, when he went in the house and he was talking to the widow about making him a cake, and she said, well, I just got a little bit more so for me and my son. And when we eat this, we're going to die. So we're just preparing for death. And this is all we have. And you're talking about making you a little cake? Well, when she didn't understand the blessing that was coming behind her sacrifice.

And see, that's what we don't do, Roy. We don't sacrifice because in order for you to look after others more than yourself, you're making a sacrifice in some way. Sacrifice materially, mentally, sociologically, whatever the case may be, you're making a sacrifice. And that sacrifice is going to have an effect on the people who you come in contact with.

Jesus in Matthew 15, 10 through 13, he said that basically every tree, every plant that his father in heaven did not plant, God's going to root it up. So I believe that the application behind that particular verse, Roy, notice application behind that verse says that if there is something that's dwelling in your life that God wants to uproot in order to put you back on a path that is acceptable in his sight, that God will do whatever is necessary in order for that to come about. Because remember what he said, he said he chastens those whom he loves. So through that chastening though, we don't look at it, I think in a way as God is going to bless me on the other side, we just look at we're being chastened. So we're being chastened.

So we're asking why, why am I being chastened? And we're so focused on the why instead of giving ourselves over to God and letting God take us through the chastening so we can reach the blessing on the other side. Matthew 5 42, give to those who ask and don't refuse those who wish to borrow from you will. Wow, that's pretty poignant.

I think it says it all. When we as God's people, when we lend, we're supposed to be the lender. We're supposed to be the one who gives. And we talked about this in the men's breakfast that I think the church doesn't have a problem when it comes to being a servant of those who are in need.

Food drives, clothing, building beds like the men do. I think we don't have a problem with that. But we have the problem when it comes to the very same thing that we should be unified on and in one accord, and that's doctrine. So it's the doctrine that divides us. And we're looking at the same Bible now. We might be looking at different translations, but we're looking at the same Bible. And we're coming to all of these different conclusions with respect to interpretation.

But a lot of what we're looking at, we're looking at application rather than interpretations. Because there's so many ways verses of scripture can be applied to our life. But God only meant for his word to be interpreted one way. So there is no four, five, six, seven different interpretations with respect to the meaning and context of God's word. But what differs in the application, I mean, one verse in the scripture can be applied 500 ways in your life. When you look at certain things of what the scripture is saying. So it's not bound in that respect when it comes to application. But interpretation, God only meant for his word to be interpreted one way.

So that's the way he said. We've both worked quite a bit with men, you a lot with couples, me not so much as couples, but some. So let's talk about some of the ways that, especially as it relates to men, that they don't focus on the other one, they focus on self.

What are some examples through your counseling that you've seen where men have, part of the problem has been that they didn't, weren't concerned about their spouse? Well, I think, Roy, they look at, well, if they say they're born again, typically what they do is they look at the fact that, well, God said that I'm the head. So they take that position and they abuse the authority as headship, which God has set over them. So in that respect, they're looking at themselves as something greater and bigger than what God intended them to be. Now, when you look at yourself that way, and of course that's selfishness by the way, when you look at yourself that way, now what happens is you begin to look outside the home. And of course we talked about that too. So you start looking for, well, if my wife sees me this way and she's not giving me the attention and affection that I want, where I'm going to look at somebody at work and, hmm, she gave me the eye, so I think I'm chosen now.

So let me go on over and over here and do X, Y, Z. So those things start going through the mind. And again, it points back to the individual. Wow, I didn't think I had it anymore. And this is just one example, mind you. I didn't think I had it anymore, but I guess I do. So again, he starts looking and looking and all of these things begin to propagate, you know, just like a root.

Right, just continues to build on itself. So other ways that we may focus on self. So purchasing, you know, we go buy stuff that's just because we want to buy it without talking to our spouse, without thinking of their needs first. Time management, you know, let's think about that. That's a selfish motivation sometimes or selfish step that, you know, you go do stuff without counseling with your wife or without discussing it. Taking it because, hey, I want to go play golf today. She had plans for you and her to go do something together, but you go play golf.

So you're itself before others. And of course, see, these things have to be communicated out. And that's one of the absolute worst things that break down any marriage is communication or that they are communicating, but they're communicating in the wrong sense or lack thereof. So no communication is taking place.

And so now everybody's silent, you know, walking past each other in the house, sitting at the table eating breakfast and not talking. Right. One is doing this and the other one is doing that. So we know that there's something cooking over in, you know, on the stove that's burning really badly.

Yeah, very badly. And figuratively speaking, of course, Jane Lessard in our conversation talked about the need for heart talk, you know, and when we had her on the show that night. So that keeps those channels of communication open. And back to the piece about self.

It's no longer about you. We always quite often we share about the pornography piece here. This is a great time to call that out as well.

If the time is not correct within your relationship in terms of time with one another, then you need to talk about that to your point earlier just now about communication, right? You need to be talking about those needs and what each other wants out of the relationship, not going off to a pornographic site, which we know is multitude of sins and all in one package. And men, it is a problem. And women, we found and discussed it is a problem for women as well. So that works both ways in terms of it's not about self. It's about the other person. Yeah, because see, when a person started indulging and engaging in those things, they're blaming it on their spouse. So they're saying, see, you're not giving me any attention, so I have to go find attention somewhere else.

And so I'm blaming you, you know, for my shortcomings. But in reality, they want to do those things anyway. Anyway, right. Now they've got the reason to do it. At least they're justifying. I won't say they have a reason to justify.

They justify. Yeah. So, hey, folks, we want to make you aware of something as we move into the end of the show here in just a few moments. Will and I will be going off of Truth Radio Network podcast, but we'll still be continuing the podcast here in the future. We'll just be independent, if you will.

Still accessible through all the normal channels, iTunes, Google Podcast, Edify, and any other channel that you might have been picking it up on. And we just want to say thank you to the Truth Network for their getting us started, for their support. It's great to be a part of the team here. Got a great group of folks.

And Will, is there anything you'd like to say as we're getting ready to move out for this particular episode? Faith come by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. So, you know, I was sharing with a brother the other day that, you know, if you come around me, eventually I'm going to give you the Word of God. And the reason why I'm going to give you the Word of God is because you cannot have faith operating in your life unless you hear the Word. Romans 10, 17. Faith come by hearing, hearing by the Word of God.

So I have to hear it. And that Word, you know, is seed is planted in me, because remember we said seed is the Word of God. So now that seed is planted. I'm going to let that seed germinate. The more I concentrate on the Word of God, the more I give myself over to the Word of God.

Amen. And when I, when I do this, I have to do it intentionally. And see, it has to be part of who I am. Because if we say we're a man of God or kingdom citizen or Christian or whatever the case may be, then let me see that through the walk in your life. And if I don't see that through the walk in your life, then I know that, you know, you're up and down, up and down on the seesaw and roller coaster of life. And what happens there is at any low point, because you come to the high point, but at any low point in your life is when you're the most vulnerable to the enemy. And what is the enemy going to do? He's going to feed you perception.

And that perception is more than likely untrue, but he's good at it and he knows how to make it stick, so to speak. So, and with that, Roy, that's what I want to leave with our listeners. Faith come by hearing, hearing by the Word of God. Get in the Word. Amen, Will. Well, thank you again, folks.

It's been a great show. Will, thank you so much. I hope you have a great week and we'll see you next week on ManTalk Radio Podcast. We'll talk to you next week.

Well, yeah, that's right. We'll talk to you, but we might even see you too. We might see you too. You might see us on YouTube, Facebook. We might be out there.

So look for us then. As we wrap up today's show, be assured that TAWCMM, Talking and Walking Christian Men's Ministry is building a community of men that are Christ followers with the desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches, and work environments. Check out our website for upcoming events and regularly scheduled meetings. Drop us a note for topics that you would like to have us visit in the future. Thank you for joining us on ManTalk today. Visit us at www.tawcmm.com.