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This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Man Talk, brought to you by TAWCMM, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where they're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination, and challenging men to take their God-assigned role. Here's our hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., a black guy and a white guy. Well, welcome to Man Talk Radio.
This is Roy Jones. I've got the honor and the pleasure to have my son Joshua here for part two of an interview with my son, and we're just excited to have him. Joshua, welcome back. It was great to have you with us on the last show, and we want to pick the conversation back up about being a young man in college and how God's impacted in your life. So thank you for joining us again.
Thank you for having me. Joshua, one of the things we were ending the last show with was around temptations and distractions and that sort of thing, and I think you had indicated as we were closing out after we got off mic that at the last show that you would like to pick back up on a few things that were going down in that conversation. Yeah, you know, we were just kind of talking about temptation of video games for a college student and a man, you know, and how big of a distraction is that. So I think the distraction is going to be a distraction no matter who the person is, right? I think it's more of a matter of how well are you managing your time. So for example, like in my apartment, you know, I have three Xboxes sitting in my living room all with their own place.
How often do they get used on a weekly basis? You know, they might get an hour between the three of them. So it's about how you manage your time, you know, because if you're not going to be a good student and you're not going to be disciplined, then that's the fact. Yeah, that goes beyond college, right? I mean, once that discipline factor is ingrained or not ingrained, then it impacts you there and also throughout life. Exactly. So I have found to be, you know, when I don't have the time to be playing video games, even if they were a distraction, it's just not the case. But, you know, I think someone who's not disciplined can just as easily fall into the trap of sitting in their couch doing nothing, you know, as much as they would playing video games. Right.
Now that's a good point. And some of the studies that we've referenced in the past has shown it to be a big distraction as it relates to men in general, not just college students and young men and men. And like you said, many distractions can come in different forms. It's just we feel like and the things we've seen between that and the one you mentioned in last week's show, the pornography, those are two really, really the major hits on young men and even younger men these days and certainly on even older men, which is ironic related to the gaming. But I think it goes back to the need for some sort of excitement in a man's life. There needs to be some sort of competition because from what I've gathered from a lot of this gaming is there's a tremendous amount of gaming together.
People that may not be sitting beside of you could be in another area or that may be on a different control panel or a different system or whatever. So those are just things that folks we just need to be watching out for, be aware of as fathers and as husbands that you're not spending too much time in front of the TV or on those types of things. And certainly the pornography you need to be totally away from, but gaming to some degree.
And if it's a relaxation or an escape tool for a half hour or so, whatever you've agreed to with your family time, let it be, but just certainly be aware of it. So Josh, back to the, some of the things going on at school with you, have you been involved with any specific ministries on campus? Yeah. So I, you know, certainly my freshman year, I tried out several just here and there. And I knew over the past semester, you know, I was active in about one or two. But since taking up, you know, discipling the men, that's kind of become the main focus. Right. What led you into doing that, spending the time investing in other young men? What prompted you to get involved in that?
So that was really, you know, partially, I think, well, not partially, mainly a God thing, but partially just kind of see, seeing the potential need for it. And then just wanting to see a change, you know, you know, as Tony Evans talks about in Kingdom Man, the series or the book, you know, the men are the foundation of the family or men as the, so the foundation of the, of the society as the family unit. Right.
And if a man is supposed to lead the family, then you, if you, once you destroy the man, you destroy the foundation of society, you know, as a, as a household builds up a neighborhood, neighborhood, a city, city, state, state, a country and so on. Right. So, you know, I just want to be proactive about, you know, uh, developing men to be ready, uh, for those challenges and to actually make, you know, spiritually lethal warriors, right? Not someone who just has studied, you know, gone to Bible studies their whole life, but, uh, they don't know how to use the weapon. Yeah.
They don't put it into practice. Exactly. Right. So with this group of young men you're mentoring or that you're building into, you said you had, I think seven or eight, something like that between the, between the two groups that you're currently involved in, what do you see as the biggest, um, hurdle that they had to overcome in this initial journey? You know, every, I think coming into it, every, every single one of those men has their own, has their own temptation. Um, and the big, I guess, and it wasn't even hard for them, I guess, to get over to an extent, you know, when I first started, you know, every single one of them was willing to admit it, uh, and be honest and open. Um, so, you know, I think that that's tough, but I would say the biggest thing is the time commitment and taking it seriously.
That's what I was wondering if that was it. If, is it a discipline issue that I've got so many things I've got to take care of? Do I have some, another slot of time to invest in a relationship and then the journey? Yeah. Um, and, you know, I've certainly had some very disciplined people who are disciplined in their acts and their studies and lifestyles. Um, but even if you're disciplined, right, you still have to put value on what we do there.
Um, so at first I would say it was, it was kind of hard, you know, not for them, but I had to really instill, hey, this is important. Um, this is what, this is like number one, this is priority number one during your day, during the day that we have it, right? Like we have, we know, well, accountability and the time we have during the week is, is the rock in the ocean, right?
So it's, it's steady and never changing. I guess you could say as everything around us every, every week at the same time, we have accountability. So you need to make sure you're making your, you're planning around accountability. You're doing your homework, you're doing your projects in anticipation of being at accountability.
So when you say accountability for our listeners, let's, let's understand what you mean there. When you say accountability and what does that look like without breaking any confidences, but just from an overview, what is, you know, what are the types of questions you ask each other? And, and then, um, that'll lead me into my next point that I want to ask you about. Um, well, I would just, I would just ask, I would ask you like a picture of the one thing you've never told anybody. Like what's the one thing that you never tell anybody.
And that's what we talk about. Um, you know, every, every week we talk about the nitty-gritty, what are you struggling with? What'd you do this week? How'd you sin?
Where'd you fall short? Um, and you know, as these men have taken it seriously, like it's not often that someone trips up, but it happens. Um, so, you know, accountability or does more of my discipleship group, however you want to look at it, you know, it starts out, we come in, we talk about each other's weeks. You know, we, we do a little bit of relational stuff, talking to each other, catching up. Um, and then we ask the hard questions, you know, I'm, you know, each and every single one of us know what the other person struggles with. So we ask them, you know, where'd you fall?
Did you fall short? Or, you know, we don't set it, you set each other up for failure. We just say, how was your week?
Right. With, with trusting that they're going to be honest and open with us and then checking up because we do update each other throughout the week. If temptation comes up and we check in on each other and say, Hey, you know, we talked about this early in the week, how did that go? Um, and then after accountability and, you know, we asked the hard questions and dive deep, you know, then that's when, you know, I open up and start discipling them in on whether it's being a man of Christ or, you know, other small little tidbits of wisdom that I pick up on or lessons I learned, you know, um, like let your yes, be your yes, your no, be your no, like that's something simple, but it's not something that a lot of people put into practice or, or finances, you know, even something I struggle with from time to time and in college, students don't necessarily get time to practice it because, you know, most of us aren't, don't have an income. Um, but we did, we will do lessons on finances, how to save your money, how to spend your money, you know, put those at least if it's not specifics and advice on how to maybe invest in stocks or save your money, but like principles that they can be looking out for when they do get an income. Um, and, you know, sometimes it'll just be, Hey, like, what's the most valuable thing that you have to give somebody? This is, well, this will be something I'll be talking about with them soon.
Uh, you know, I'll ask them, uh, Hey, what's the most valuable thing you have to give somebody and depending on their answer, you know, we'll talk about it, but I would say it's your time because when you give somebody your time, you can never give it back. Right. And how do you apply that into your life and how does it change? How does that knowledge change who you are and how do you use that? Hmm.
That's good. So I hear this can be just a kind of an unplanned question, but you know, you're spending time with these guys, but it sounds like you're more in the leadership role with these guys than more as they're, um, than their peer or they're, um, at the same level. I mean, it seems like, are you being asked the same questions? Are they feeding back into you the way you're feeding into them? Cause typically an accountability group, everybody's kind of on the same plateaus, not really.
Um, and most accountability groups, cause that way everybody's is helping each other at the same level. But I hear you referencing quite a bit about how you've been feeding into them and coaching them. Do you feel like you, you get that same benefit from them that you're given to them? Um, in a way, yes. I certainly find myself to be the leader and the provider, I guess, of guidance and wisdom.
Um, not to say that the other men are lacking in that area. Um, but that's just my role as far as, you know, the leadership part, but certainly, you know, they do, they are asking me the hard questions, you know, um, they are checking in on me, you know, they're keeping me honest. Um, I guess if that's what you're asking. So I do, I do have, I do have the benefit of the accountability members during accountability. And then I step into the leadership and guidance role after accountability. Yeah.
I mean, that's what I was looking for. And then also making sure you're getting fed, right. That you're not always being the one feeding that you're getting fed, uh, from others.
And, and maybe that's not in this particular relationship. It goes back to maybe some of the pause that in your life, not in a group setting. So, you know, you've had the benefit of being around older men, like on the men's retreats that we do, the mountain top experiences, you know, of all ages.
Right. And so it's been really refreshing to have and rewarding for all of the men to have you guys there. How do you see those types of interactions impacting your life? And, and when, when you brought your group up to the mountain top with us last year and so forth? Um, I can't, I can't recall specifics and it's kind of one of those things where I have a bad memory, but certainly, you know, I try and apply everything that I learn to my life.
Um, so I listened to everything that said on the mountain top and I learned from it and I subconsciously, it's like a subconsciously apply it to my life and try, try and be better because of it. So I think that's been instrumental. Um, you know, certainly the guys, you know, uh, enjoy here getting wisdom and understanding that other men who are older than them, than them, you know, struggle with the same things. Right. And building the relationships, right. And having an opportunity to ask questions or them like us now ask questions of you guys. Hey, how are things or how can we give support to you and vice versa?
Right. So, but Josh, it's good to have you here. We've got one more session here coming up in just a few moments, finishing up our break and we'll be right back with you in just a few seconds. Thank you so much.
I have a hard start at seven o'clock and a hard stop at eight o'clock. First-time visitors eat for free. Join your hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., a black guy and a white guy. Meet us at the summit starting February 4th, 2022. You're invited to a special two-day event. TAWCMM presents the Summit Conference, a conference so big we need two days for it all. Day one kicks off at 6 30 p.m. with a special co-ed event at the First Christian Church in Kernersville. Then you'll get to hear a message from speakers Lee Strobel, Jerry Boykin and Bishop Larry Jackson. Day two is a men's one-day conference from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. They'll have a multitude of speakers like Lee Strobel, Jerry Boykin, Bishop Larry Jackson, Pat Teague and Bishop Charles Flowers.
For tickets or more information, visit TAWCMM.com. Don't miss your chance to meet us at the summit on February 4th, 2022. Welcome back to our program. We're having a very special time with Joshua, my youngest son, and talking about his life in college, investing in other young men and just walking this journey of life out as a young man following Christ.
So, Joshua, again, thank you for being with us. One of the things I want to ask you is, do you guys, young men, as you're talking with them, do you talk about the deep wounds that they've got in their life? Is that some of the conversations you have as part of when they grew up and maybe the fathers were absent or were there and, you know, there were wounds? Do you guys get that transparent with each other? Yeah, so kind of to your point, like we were talking about earlier, and I asked you, it's like, what's the one thing you've never told anybody in your life? And that's the stuff we talk about. So, you know, truly, there's 100% transparency about what happens in people's lives, you know, and, you know, I think a lot of our men were fortunate enough to at least have both parents in the household to some extent. But, you know, we've talked about some of those things.
But yeah, like I can't, it's, what we do is very rare, you know, and the people around us don't always understand it. You know, I've even had the opportunity to, you know, try and help some, at least help a woman start up, you know, a female counterpart to what we do. And, you know, I basically laid out how I started off with my men, because she came to me, she said, hey, I want to do what you do. But I want to do it, you know, with my women. So I basically, you know, told her, I was like, hey, like, I started off by telling the guys, I didn't, things I never told anybody, you know, I was 100% honest and open with them before I even gave them the chance to share with me. So I had to be vulnerable first. Did you tell them what happened to your mom's iPod?
I haven't figured that one out myself. But yeah, so, you know, I gave her, I basically laid that out for her. So I thought, like, I was like, oh, so she, maybe she gets it, you know. But anyways, I bet we did that. And, you know, we had a conversation maybe six months later. And we had an issue between one of my men and one of her women.
And it came up that my man, one of my, my man, having some difficulties, had to own up to it, to the accountability group. Because it's not, like I said, it's not, it's not biased. It's honesty. What's right is right. What's wrong is wrong.
So my man had an issue with a woman that she knew. And, you know, we were talking about it, you know, because it's Vegas rules, you know, what happens there stays there, you know, but everybody has a right to share their part of it, you know. So if you share, like, I can't tell somebody, hey, you can't share your experiences with other people, right? So, so long as it belongs to them, and it's their thoughts, I guess. Right. You just, to be clear, the confidentiality piece resides in what's discussed in the group stays in the group, unless it's something that's happened to you that you want to share with someone else. Precisely. Other people don't talk about those things that have happened or been discussed in the group.
Precisely. So, you know, it came out to be that, you know, one of my men had an issue, and we were talking with him about it, right? Because we were discussing it as, as the men and women. And, you know, and he was like, yeah, I told my people about it. And they were like, like, what? You talk about that stuff? And they were, and it was like, we talk about everything. Like, that's what we had to tell.
And they didn't understand that, like that, like, that was, that was foreign to them. And I was like, what do you mean? Like, what do you mean we talk about that stuff? I was like, what do you guys talk about when you do your kind of stuff? And this is like six months after they had started their group?
Yeah, yeah. This is the same, this is the same person that, you know, had asked me how to start their own group. And I have, I basically asked her, I was like, okay, like, what do you guys talk about? She's like, we don't talk about that stuff. Like, the girls want to open up about that because they don't trust each other.
I was like, it was kind of sad. Because right, you know, I thought here, I thought we had a female counterpart to what we do. But even they, you know, she said, you know, the, the women in that group don't necessarily trust each other to share things like that. They feel like they'll be judged. And they feel like gossip will get around and they share something that people are going to find out about it.
So here, I was thinking that this other group is practicing what we were doing. And even now, it's like, people don't, people just don't understand it. Like, they don't get it. Well, there's a, if it's like human, human nature worries that other people will find the skeletons right in their closet. And that's, that's part of this lack of transparency as a whole, Joshua, in society. People, that's why there's all these facades. That's why there's all these apps on social media to make you look different than you really look, you know, to trim down your face, to trim down your body, increase certain areas of your body.
I mean, that's just reality. People don't want the real person to be visible. And especially to other people that they don't know that well.
And if you're in a small group and you can't get that transparent, what's the purpose of the small group? But the piece of that that we found in the past and working so many years with men is that if the confidentiality ever gets broke, then, then you could lose a person for a lifetime, not just in that moment or that group, but you could lose them for a lifetime. And that, and it takes a while to get that trust developed. I mean, it's not uncommon for some groups to go six months, a year, even a year and a half before they trust each other. You guys are very fortunate in that you started that out of the gates that way and been very transparent and that everybody's held that close to the vest and practiced that. And that's one of the things too, Joshua, you know, you and I have talked about this through the years, is that men have to understand that, but you have to stress that right on the front side of the meetings, right? Even repeat it throughout the meetings, you know, as time passes to remind folks, hey, what's said here stays here, unless that person's given you permission to talk about it outside the group.
So that's a good point. Here's a group of young ladies that have started, but haven't got to that point, a level to trust each other enough to do that. You know, and obviously you guys have been very blessed to be able to do it so early and so quick in the relationship with your group.
Yeah. And I think, you know, before starting the group, my prayer was that God would prep the hearts of the men that were supposed to be there. Very good. But, you know, when I opened up with them, you know, I was, I was very stern and very clear. I said, Hey, my expectations that you guys are going to share everything and be 100% honest.
And I gave them, I'm pretty sure I gave them a little bit of leniency as like, if it's not tonight, it needs to be in the coming weeks because we're going to close this off and we're going to hit the ground running and we're going to be about what we're going to be about. Cause I didn't, I wanted to, you know, if you have a niche business in the business world, it's a, it's a business that applies or sells a unique opportunity or product that can't be found elsewhere. And that's your specialty. So I wanted to provide that spiritual niche to these men, right? Anybody can go to a Bible study.
Anybody can go to an on-campus ministry, but I wanted to provide the opportunity and the benefits and a teaching that nobody else was offering. So you're truly training up warriors is what you're telling me. You're men that are ready to go out and to, to really walk it out and not just, not just talk about it. Yeah. Um, I think that's, that's, you know, I've actually started to get more into the military analogies with them. Uh, warriors is exactly what they are. Um, to, to your point, you know, if anybody knows anything about the military, you know, people talk about special forces, right? Uh, so the special forces, if you don't know is, is specifically the army green Berets and every special operations force has their own, their own, their own specialty, but green Berets, you know, what we call a force multiplier.
Um, right. Because they, they speak other languages, right. And they have, each one of them has a special skill set and they're cross-trained with other people and what, what they do for the United States military is they go into other countries, right. And, and raise up armies to fight on our behalf or to fight on their behalf.
So what I have, I consider to be, you know, the green Berets of the Christian world. Um, each one of these men speaks a worldly language in a way, you know, whether it be the sports, whether it be the music, whether it be video games, they all know how to get into the culture and relate to people. Right.
Some Christians don't know how to relate to, to people who aren't Christian. Right. So these men speak the worldly language, um, in a way that's productive for the kingdom. Uh, and then they have the specialty training. They have the heart and mind and the warrior mindset to, to apply that and be forced multipliers for the kingdom. Right. So that's why I told him, I considered to be the green Berets of the Christian world, right.
Because they are, they truly are forced multipliers. And at this point in time, each and every one of them is either mentoring somebody else or leading leadership in other, other organizations. Hmm.
That's good. And, um, how does a person go about joining this group, Joshua? Um, so these are actually closed off groups. Um, you know, I've, I started a sec. I started my Sunday night group because I wanted more men to be able to be a part of this. Um, but as we talked about the confidentiality, it's, it's not, it's not something we just can bring strangers into. Um, and it's, it's something that has to be started from the ground up per group.
That's just kind of how it is. That's good. Well, Joshua, we've, uh, we've certainly enjoyed having you, uh, these two shows and it's been, uh, been really nice to talk to you at a different level.
Yeah. We have some very good conversations with the two of us and, uh, you know, it just, uh, as a father, just want to say, you know, publicly, uh, very proud of you and, uh, the work you're doing for the kingdom and just, um, excited to see where God's going to take you through your military career and once you come out of school and just, uh, just looking forward to seeing how you grow into the, to the man, the full grown man, uh, that God has planned, uh, for you to be. And, uh, I know you'll honor him and you'll honor your mother and your father and all that you do.
And, and that's always, always a good thing. And we're, your mother and I are extremely proud of you. And thank you so much for joining us and, uh, and, uh, having just a heart to heart conversation. We, um, folks, as, as you are listening to this time, uh, just encourage you to sit down and have a conversation with your children, no matter what the age, um, and just talk about the things that, uh, that are important to them and find out where they're at and how are they walking this thing out with Christ, if they are Christ followers and, and just, uh, take an opportunity to build back into them, encourage them and, and really just let them know how you feel and how proud you are of them. I think we get so busy sometimes we forget to say that. And, uh, certainly we demonstrate it daily with our love and the things that we do and provision and those sorts of things, but it's good for our children to hear that once in a while. Uh, and especially in just a special content of doing that. And Joshua, so as we're closing up here in just another moment or two, last thing I would ask is what would you do differently, um, in junior high and high school?
And here's a young man. Is there any, or is there anything that you would do differently if you had to do over so far? Um, I don't know if I could say I'd do anything differently because certainly I've looked back on those, uh, times in my life and made changes based on them.
So I can't say I'd change anything. That's great. So you've taken what you've done, learned from it, what you've been through, you've learned from it. So, yeah, well folks, we want to remind you, uh, we've got a great opportunity for you to come here to Lee Strobel coming up here in February 4th and 5th tickets are available on TAWCMM.com. We'd love for you to come join us. So have a Friday night COVID night for men and women and all folks on Friday night. And then Saturday is a men's only event from nine to four. This Friday evening event starts at six 30, cost us $30 per ticket.
You can get a weekend pass for $75, which will give you two Friday nights and one Saturday. We'd love for you to come join us, have an absolutely wonderful rest of your week. God bless. As we wrap up today's show, be assured that TAWCMM talking and walking Christian men's ministry is building a community of men that are Christ followers with a desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches, and work environments. Check out our website for upcoming events and regularly scheduled meetings. Drop us a note for topics that you would like to have us visit in the future. Thank you for joining us on Man Talk today. Visit us at www.tawcmm.com. Men walking the talk. This is the truth network.
