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April 11, 2021 4:00 pm
Welcome to Man Talk, with your Hosts Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr. This week's show is a serious topic, but a conversation that must be had. Will and Roy are talking about domestic abuse. Man Talk welcomes Patty Sorrells, executive director of Next Step Ministries to the show.
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Thanks for the invite.
Why don't you if you don't mind. For the sake of the audience.
Would you just introduce yourself where your where home is in, what your current role is the center sell out where how man was born in North Carolina lived and I were a little bit that North Carolina is really hard for me and encourage welfare now 23 years now.
Now on, and I am the executive director and next that ministries also located in Kernersville, sounding there for about a year and 1/2 before that 15 years in women's ministry are sufficient – Sally and Dan and the services of the Piedmont Police Department before his victim services will great place a good heavy here. Let's talk a little bit about the ministry work that you currently and that's what we want to talk was will listen to folks what we've asked try to join us because we know that abuse, domestic bounces is a big issue and is not talked about as much problems should be talked about as we felt like this would be a great time coming out of covert with all the people have been homebound and I'm sure I don't know if you got the numbers but I'm assuming it would. The numbers are probably gone up quite a bit of this last year and that maybe you have been reported due to people not getting out or having those conversations with those.
But let's talk a little bit about what what the ministry does Patty and some expenses you seen what's going on through this ministry there. Yes, so we have 24-hour crisis hotline and on that hotline they conduct danger and safety assessments that were looking to people who are in imminent danger when they come to Lester looking for emergency shelter, not a transitional home and were not homeless shelter and not just a women's shelter.
We are a DV shelter satisfy women who are coming out of extremely dangerous situations and course in the shelter as they stay.
We provide food and clothing, transportation, start working on securing housing, helping them to put together some finances mess up and come to us without money.
There have not been allowed to work as kinds of things on my frightening to counseling where they need counseling and we provide local resources for them.
So whether that's looking for jobs offered support from churches. Whatever it is that they are in need of what they want is what we try to help the we also the victim advocate who works directly with law enforcement. Now that's a position I created for us and not had that before that position works with nonresidential clients. Ladies who are not needing to be in shelter, but here are still in DV situations and navigates them to the criminal justice system in the civil court system locks them through the entire thing course we have Arthur Starr and Arthur Starley take donations and gently used and unused items and we tell people thank you for your donations that we certainly need to come shot because it is about our 45% of our revenue stream. The donations are important that if we don't have shoppers. Then we don't actually receive funding from the store was the address of your store.
While it is on Highway 66 in Kernersville's right across from the Dodge dealership. Okay so I are shopping for your latest trucker your latest Jeep go on over shopping it's stressed that's right you saw the Bojangles right right there. Kind of. It's a little further down the yes so we say DV referred to domestic violence so in your experience, Patty, what is probably the most the most common type of violence in restaurants that you see is the you go the more severe situation I guess was that come in the house and as you put in its protective custody and I'm sure you sinners note this type of software is located.
All that's held back one of the things that are going on in the women's lives in most of these when the country to have children. Most of them have children, and others mix of single and it's actually quite a bit of annex. We have single women commonly have women you have on children and we have women who are in their 70s, 70 absolutely has that been pretty was that this case pre-been the case for the last 30 to 40 years of my career, yet it's not really changed a lot to be well will it listing to step back and when asked what for the listener sake. What is domestic violence or abuse, right? So most people think of domestic violence is these horrible things AC and use for someone's been shot and murdered.
Well, that's true. And last year North Carolina had 61 homicides that were domestic. Just in North Carolina said most people think it's that it is that it's so much more because physical abuse is just a portion of the abuse, physical abuse, often times doesn't happen until she's no longer compliant or she attempts to leave. I do want to try this and very quickly restate the gimp and that's okay said physical abuse is just a small portion of what abuse is and the physical abuse often times doesn't take place until she's no longer compliant to his will. It's another person trying to control another person in every aspect mentally motion physically and unfortunately spiritually really know this happens in the body of Christ, and so on. So what we know is as long as she's doing what he's telling her to do. He doesn't get physical. Oftentimes the first time it's physical or for some women is when they are pregnant and they did try to get them pregnant because guess what now without a connection for the rest of our lives.
So what happens for a woman when she does either the staff to Pastor for help or she gets to place or suggest a family friend or somebody and seeks help to try to leave our talks about leaving a finds that her behavior change.
She's trying to leave her percentage. The percentage of her becoming a homicide victim go up 75% that has not changed since I started doing this work way back when.
Well that is incredible that is actually so people say why did she stay there is his old movie called sleeping with the enemy and she stayed because guess what, and she could tell whether he was escalating and where in the cycle.
He was actually located Lacey in the honeymoon stage. The tension building stage are now the battering stage and so as long as she could keep tabs on him, so to speak, said she kinda know what the atmosphere in the climate was and she could determine what that was the time for her to leave her to stay was so to me it's a it sounds like to that programs like this, like what happened with would help those who are in those abusive situations to get some understanding and knowledge behind these various levels in which their spouse or significant other boyfriend might be going through so they could. It could help them identify where they are and perhaps with the need to do absolutely.
That's right on target.
There's two things that we do with our guests and clients that we work with and that is to do a DV education with them and teach them the cycle of violence so they can always and we can always say you tell us where you are. You tell us what she does exactly where he is in his escalation and now I also say this, we have women harpies are stated we need 20 years ago. That paradigm shift can happen is still predominantly male that that that are abusers that have worked with the abusers to I worked with them for about four years so I've seen that side of things that you note so we did that education a lot. Don't know that their victims they don't call themselves that, especially in the body of Christ is our pride in that. And stigma and your looked down upon by both men and women in the church. If you and the middle. Oh yeah and so we have it. What's called their power control will and often times I'll just push down overturned so we just wait and you tell me if you think you're a victim, but I start falling apart immediately and then they say I think in the victim aren't high and I have to always say are you because they need to be the ones right determine if there said the levels are imperative that they know these things and it's real, it's the information. Education has been spot on for again decades, which is not getting where we need to educate people so what is the what is the guess graph look like, what is the start of what is the peak pinnacle of that abuse wasn't start out too quickly.
If you can tell us what that looks like who's sure folks will listing the same monitor if not exactly sure.
So to say this. This is a part of it. If you go back to the Garden of Eden and you see how Satan operated he was a charming spirit selling. Often times it comes across very charming and the target. Often times can be where women have been through something or their vulnerable might have low self-esteem, divorce or whatever and so they come from a family that you now they've had issues with so that person is very charming that the abusers charming earlier, you're beautiful, you're my everything you know anybody diamonds let me do whatever I'll put you on a pedestal and as soon as she starts to navigate towards that he start sucking her and he keeps her from family keeps her from working. Maybe a drivers license if they're married now. Nowadays that's changed, but it used to be. He would make sure he got the ring on her finger shirt she was pregnant and that's where it starts to get well and then what we want when we come back from break want talk about the next.
Also water some of the following factors that may be so subtle, so that he was so glad you're with us will is always great all right come back to you. CMM would love to have you join their community of men for breakfast every first and third Friday of every month, Bible discussions and fellowship.
After breakfast and tell meeting locations at their voracious poster First Christian Church in 1130 N. Main St. encouraged him a hard start at 7 o'clock, March 1 time visitors eat for free.
Join your host will party Roy Jones Junior, a black guy in a white guy affordable chiropractic in High Point as you like. Tell from their name affordable even for the castration.
Dr. Jeff Ricky has been caring for patients in High Point for 34 years, physical therapy, such as ultrasound and spinal decompression for distributions such as herniation conference of care for auto accident injury patients with no out-of-pocket expense. Remember, affordable chiropractic on the W. Lexington Ave. in High Point Hall 336 85, 1987. Welcome back is going to break starting with the transition looks like. So we just initially we talk about could be someone who's got all the compliments through you basically befriending this person who's maybe heaven's wounds just going over divorce was low in self-esteem, so we know that that's maybe the hook starts the process gifts acknowledgment word reformation. All those things. So now what's the next step so this the mellow journeys begun, he or she could with a woman strictly cites only the members right through here. She has started this journey westward typically would happen next, but typically they ate Kai work on several things simultaneously. One is isolation. If he can get her away from her support system and that includes her church support system and its usually don't do that here will take you to Darrell. I really just want to be with you and discuss as a romantic person and this is just kind of one scenario there's other ways that others that you know and then the next thing you know her support system starts dropping away.
Often times the move them to another place so that she doesn't have networking network starts doing things like following her stalking her, putting her location now on phone's GPS telling her what she can where she can talk to on the phone you just very very controlling and and that's one of the ones it's the most subtle, where children have grown up in DV so we know that it is spiritual thing.
We always called a.m. You know the generational cursing in the secular world because of the generational code we all recognize that's what's so interesting. If you're not Christian or your Christian you can recognize it okay and so on. You know if they've grown up in domestic violence. Those little girls often times will continue to be a victim of something in their life because they've assumed that taken that on and then young boys have been abused might become a victim, but there probably more likely to become an abuser because that's what relationships look like Maxwell before. That's exactly right. So just it just continues the power and control it sound. It's even that same thing in the towing sexual abuse because that's a big part of the violence that where where we've also worked with rape victims. It's never about having sex. It's about having control over another person. So you put that into a spiritual perspective and you think about who wants to control your soul and keep you from your God.
It's that same concept, and it works in that same pattern all the way so you listen sexual abuse will will talk quite often on the show about the impact on the collateral damage of men's behavior or the lack of presence of the father or the lack of leadership from the husband was facets is pornography that we talk about to because we know it's a struggle for men and women in today's time and certainly the children are getting exposed to a much much higher level than ever and her history. What role do you think exposure in that arena. Imagine sexual abuse. But what role do you think exposure in that arena has played into some of the violence that's being acted out on the ladies whether men have long gone as well. So I'll condense a condensate so let me start off with again from a spiritual perspective because that's also where I come from, is that that is the most intimate abuse that can take place because that part of a person's life is parallel with the bride of cry got Christ in the buying and the bigram right, and that's if Satan can enter to the place of the most intimate place of worship and being and destroy. That is gotcha. Okay, so fast forward into pornography. How does it play a part not. Not every abuser has a pornography issue, but where they do, it's objectifying women so now you guys know the work I've done.
So when I was reading about some of the prisoners who were telling about what it was like to rate women. They saw her body parts and her sexuality is an objective thing not a human thing here is a person is the same way and abuse. You are my piece of property, and you can hear where the outcome from years through centuries of Christianity.
You know saying how your my piece of property behave like I tell you to be woman. Keep your place kind of thing and in the sphere of God. If you don't do that right so they they do that but with pornography. It absolutely destroys the woman that you know that that in and of itself is abusing the word of God, you know, when you take the scripture out of context so that in and of itself. This is spiritual abusing if you will, and so that that's very interesting to because you know the the abuse and I know you said you you talk with the abuser. What is some of the maybe an example of someone or testimony that you have of someone will list. Let's take the one who is abusing them will take the abuser on maybe someone current or story that you could share with you in the listening on algae that is very quickly. Just because I want you to get the jest of it years ago when I was really young back in the 1989 in the first year that I was working in domestic violence and I had visited woman in hospital she been beaten so badly that she had had had surgery to remove her spleen and she didn't want talk to us because domestic violence was a term that people were just starting to hear there is a huge stigma and Christians were particularly scared of of us because they thought we were feminists and I am so not in us and me just say that and on. So I had a hard time kind of reaching her. I've left my information.
I was afraid to do that because if he found it. Of course, no guess what happens when you get some and so I did get to talk with her one time and she said that she was getting counseling from her pastor and he advised her to do two things, and that was to pray harder for him and to love him to the Lord.
Not a whole lot of instruction. She did her best for two weeks and he cut her arm off at the shelter. And so we give terrible you read the Scripture read your Bible more harder, be more faithful type more. Whatever it is that we guilt are our brothers and sisters into behaving better works. So anyway, I quit the field. I set my own brothers and sisters are Killa night each other. I can handle this. I was shaking my world and not my faith in God because I didn't meet God in church first.
Sarah had a relationship with God. Right away, and 11 fast for two recently we had a crisis call and the lady had been beaten. He punched her in the kidneys and stomach had went in hospital when column enforcement color crisis line is looking for safe place to go while we were on the phone with her.
He broke in and started assaulting her That phone line open got another phone call 911 and once KPD got there they were able to stop and that he was strangling her so she would have been our next homicide statistic in North Carolina. Had we not been there and had and we live KPD by the way we work very closely with this or that's a great department and so on. So that was one and then when it's not a residential. She was able to get a job that came to us and said have to get out. I think I can do this on my own. I don't need shelter in six months time.
She had a job she had a car.
She had a residence. She was getting financial assistance is as far as education Dr. credit score by 90 point since it was the first time in her life that she felt safe saying and happy insight gives you three different some severe, some is not an I've heard women say for years.
Rather he just hit me as I can recover from the braces. I can't recover from the years of mental you know, minimizing damage animations and they feel like they're damaged and can't have relationships even though they desire to be in good relationship with a man because to me that they can't trust it and so sad. And that's something that I've seen what you what you just described that when she attempts to find a relationship that is a God centered man who wants to do the right thing. She gets these flashbacks and and maybe even at times damages that relationship because now she sets up associations so she sees something that he doesn't always lunch to get the flashback. It was like I wonder is he like the one who was with before the type thing and so it's it's it's a very very fine line and it's hard very, very difficult for her to get back into that relationship and as you mentioned, the trust factor, yet its deception and for some it was a real slow, gradual thing others never saw it coming just when yeah Landon so was the youngest person to deal with Patty sourcing male or female. I would say teen dating violence and let's go way just go where where it really starts and adjusted develops, but I've seen it as young as 14, 15 years and in relationships that course children and domestic bonds homes that that's the other thing is we need to be reaching our young people and teaching them what is healthy relationships and it's not and what to look for and to educate the parents because they were not paying attention.
Either they don't even know what to look all that he says sleeping such a nice young man opens the doors for you while he's everywhere been you know even even I think the church as a whole needs to understand you know some of these things that were discussing the day so they don't hinder the process of healing.
You know already victimized exactly because we we have a tendency to select and regurgitate some of these things you know and and we find out ourselves doing more damage because we simply don't understand the process on helping the individual who was abused exactly special with breast versus that is what the church about signals for come back next week.
Joyce commits weeks with two sculptures with new program. Please join us next week or two of the suitors we will be focusing on the users so man listen up will be. But as we wrap up today show you sure that DAW CMM talking and walking Christian men's ministry is building a community of Christ followers with a desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches and work environments. Check out our website for upcoming events of regularly scheduled meetings note for topics that you would like to have us visiting the future. Thank you for joining us on man talk to visit us at www.dawcmm.com men walking. This is Truth Network