Love and Marriage and God Pt 2

Welcome to Man Talk, brought to you by TAWCMN, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where they're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination, and challenging men to take their God-assigned role. Here's our hosts Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., a black guy, and a white guy. Welcome back to Man Talk Radio.

I'm Will Jones Jr. And I'm Will Hardy. And last week we were talking about marriage, and complications in marriage, and the difficulty, and we just want to pick back up with that this week. So, Will, as we were closing out the show last week, we were talking, of course the last thing we did was give an invitation for anybody that's an unbeliever, so we can actually open up tonight with that. Let you know, we're going to give you an opportunity before the show's out to come to know Christ as a result of listening to the program with us today.

That's right, Roy. We talked about that if couples have difficulty in their relationship or having difficulty, the first thing that they need to do is establish a communication process, which means you have to have faith in God that God can and will reconcile you together again once you understand, both of you understand, where the problem is. Then we said you should pray for the strength of God, that God will give you that which you need in order to speak in a way that both of you can communicate without raising your voice to each other, or to go outside of the bounds of getting the other one upset by name calling and these type things. And then we ended, Roy, last time, with we have to respect what the Bible says and receive that as the authority in our lives when it comes to the solution to our difficulties. Thank you, Will. One thing that come to mind when we were talking about the prayer pieces that we did mention on the first series is that, man, it's important for you to lead your family in prayer.

And I'm speaking from experience here. It was one of those things that we prayed at the dinner table. We prayed at breakfast. We prayed when we were together to eat. And we would often pray for our children if there was something going on.

But one of the things early on I didn't do properly was lead in that respect with my family. And speaking again from experience I just mentioned is that there's a closeness that you will develop even in the midst of marital strife or struggles. You will come close because you're both pursuing God if you're praying together.

So, men, that's one thing that you should take either in the morning time or the evening time, whenever it works best for you and your spouse. And, ladies, if you're listening and your husband's not anywhere around you, encourage him to take the initiative to start praying with you every day. And it may not be with any request.

In fact, we know we should go before our Lord and Savior and God in honoring him for all the blessings he's given us to start with and recognize his presence in our day-to-day lives. And then if there are things that start to surface that need prayer as you're coming before the throne, start to offer those things up. And the closeness that will develop between the two of you, and it may take some time. It may happen in a month. It might take six months.

It may be a year. But at some point in time you're going to listen to your spouse's prayer and you're going to see the heart of that person like you've never seen before. You know, Roy, that's wonderful because prayer, I think it gives us that communication link between us and God. And when we pray together as a family unit, we are acknowledging that we're not individualizing anything, but we're unifying it by coming together as a family and offering up those things in prayer that we need to offer up to God on a daily basis because our minds need to be renewed according to Romans chapter 12 and verse 2. If our minds are not renewed, then that gives the enemy an avenue to come right in and to say, you know, you didn't talk to God today, so maybe I can throw some thoughts into your mind that you will receive and upset your day.

Right. So the distractions back to the steal, kill and destroy, that's the enemy's sole purpose. He's the author of confusion, the author of conflict. So when those things start to happen, to your point, if you're not renewing your mind, it's a much easier opportunity for him to get there. And we call it his playground, devil's playground. And it's interesting because the scripture doesn't say it as renew, it's renewing, which means an ongoing thing.

That's exactly right. And the best way to do that is to start your day in prayer or to end your day in prayer before you go to bed at nighttime. So what's one of the things, pastor, that you pronounce over the wedding? The two have now become one flesh.

So if they're one, then those two are now one. So they should be one going before the throne on a daily basis to talk to God. You know, and when you keep things in perspective, I think that's not only are you doing things according to what the word of God says, but God is pleased because you're doing things according to what the word of God says. You know, now when we come to this authority piece, I know women, you might have, if you're listening, I know you might have an issue with this, but I got to bring it up because it's in the word of God. Ephesians chapter five, verses 22 through 24 talks about the wife submitting herself unto her husband as unto the Lord. So if that man in that house, if he's having an issue submitting, if he's at a rough point, if he's in a valley in his life, then you should come alongside of him and don't be critical.

Don't be critical. Oh, you want to amount to anything or don't say things like this, but be that uplifting spouse. Encourage him where he needs to be encouraged because this is part of you coming alongside of him and him acknowledging the fact that if I have a wife who's going to come alongside of me and encourage me, then I'm going to seek the Lord even the more so because I want the absolute best for my family. That's good advice, Will. I think too often when we're in the middle of struggles, we fail to forget, fail to remember that the other person is struggling and there's something going on deeper than what we may see.

And when you pounce, then it can deepen the wound and cause even more difficulty to overcome that wall between the two of you. Now the submitting to authority, I think you need to, or we should talk a little bit more about that. If you think about Christ as the ultimate servant leader, servant being the keyword. So we're modeling ourselves after Christ. So he had the authority, but yet he was always serving everybody. So I think that's what we need to keep in mind when the scripture tells the wife to submit to the authority of her husband. That's not saying you're the dictator. That's not saying you're the one that commands, shouts out all the orders and they, she and the children go run and do everything that you had tell them to do. You're supposed to be leading by example.

And that means spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, all those things that come along. Right? Well, and I think sometimes we hear that scripture meant thinking, Oh yes, you've got to respond to me, answer to me. You've got to be under my authority. Well, it's a servant authority, right?

That's exactly right. Because if a individual simply dictates, you know, then that means that they really don't understand the will of God and their role as the head of that household. If they're in this dictatorship type of mentality and commanding and barking orders and things like that, they have no idea what their role is as a servant leader within that home. Now the question always comes, it always comes Roy, when we talk about a wife submitting to her husband, what if that man is not submitting himself unto God? The woman might ask, should I still follow and obey him? See, that's, that's the question.

Sure. Well, I'm going to let you answer that from a pastor's perspective, then I'm going to come back at it from the layperson's perspective. I see from the pastor's perspective, if a individual is what he tells you to do or ask you to do, if that which he tells you to do or ask you to do is going against the word of God, you should not do it.

Let me say it again. You should not do it because what he's asking you to do is contrary and God is not going to bless anything or any action that is contrary against his word. If the individual is drinking or if he's doing all these illicit type of drugs and, and things like this, and then he, he's coming back and he's asking you again to do things that are apart from what the word of God says, you should not do it. And because if he's doing all those things, then he is not submitting to his head. The woman should not submit to someone who is submitting, not submitting to his head because he is not thinking clearly and he's not at a point to give instruction that is spiritually and emotional beneficial for the entire household. Right. So there's going to be a very difficult event happen with people if they draw that fine line.

Right. It says my husband considers what's going to happen. We all think it would be the wife that said, so when my husband's a non-believer, so therefore everything he says is not in line with will God, what do you say to that person? Well, if an individual is a non-believer, then nothing that he says again is pertaining to the word of God, but you are married to that individual. And again, you're, you're married to them. And if they are not a child of God, now the question becomes again, what is it that he's asking you to do?

Is he asking you, Hey, why didn't you have dinner done at such and such a time or things like this? So I think it, it depends on what it is that the individual who is a non-believer is asking the wife to do whether or not it should be done. Okay. So we're about to take a break here for just a moment. When we come back, we'll pick up the question. What about the husband?

Who's the believer and the wife is the unbeliever. We need to talk about how to deal with that. So we thank you for listening today.

We'll be back in a few moments. There's so much on the topic of marriage that can be discussed and related to the unhealthy things, but certainly there's a lot of healthy things too. And we think the one we started with prayer together, just keep that in mind. If you're not doing that, we just encourage you to try to do that with your wife today. And wives, if you're listening, we just invite you to get your husbands to start leading that process.

All right. TAWCMM would love to have you join their community of men for breakfast every first and third Friday of every month. They have Bible discussions and fellowship after the best breakfast in town. The meeting location is at their gracious host church, First Christian Church in Kernersville 1130 North Main Street in Kernersville.

They have a hard start at seven o'clock and a hard stop at eight o'clock. First time visitors eat for free. Join your hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., a black guy and a white guy. Affordable chiropractic in High Point. As you might tell from their name, affordable chiropractic, even for the cash patient. Dr. Jeff Rickey has been caring for patients in High Point for 34 years. Physical therapy such as ultrasound and spinal decompression for disc conditions such as herniation, comprehensive care for auto accident injury patients with no out of pocket expense. Remember, affordable chiropractic on West Lexington Avenue in High Point.

Call 336-885-1987. Welcome back to Man Talk Radio. We're in part two of marriage and the problems that we experience in our marriage. And I'm Roy Jones.

And I'm Will Hardy. And we're talking about how to overcome your marriage problems because all of us who are married, were married or will be married, you will go through something. Very, very good Will. And those that will be married, please, please, please get premarital counseling before you commit. Because as much as you love each other and that person, that person, there may be something that surfaces through that premarriage counseling that could potentially be a showstopper.

But more importantly, it'll get you started on the right foot together so that you can see the strengths and weaknesses of each other as you come out of the gates. And you know, a lot of couples, believe it or not, Roy, that I have counseled in premarital counseling, they always say, well, not always, not all of them say it, but they say, I don't need this, or I don't need it for as long as you have it. Because if they come to me for premarital counseling, they're going to have to go through 12 weeks, three days a week for one and a half hours a day. You put them through premarriage boot camp. And Roy, I tell them, and you know, you know, there's been a number of couples who have had that premarital counseling. And they call me back, couple that's living in Indiana to this day, they call me back and they'll say, Pastor, we thank you for all that time we put in, because now we're starting to reap some benefits from those things that we didn't know. But through the question and answer that we had in premarital counseling, we found them out and we were dating for almost a year. And a lot of these things we didn't know about each other. There's a testimony right there, folks, how important premarital counseling is.

It's very important. So we talked about wives submitting to their husband, man, you are not off the hook either, because the word of God says in Ephesians chapter five, verses 25, 28, 29, that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. And so immediately what comes to mind is unconditional. The word unconditional, I know that's the next follow up is unconditional love, right?

That's right. Unconditionally. And, and wives should love their husbands, Titus 2 and verse 4. So see, all of this is, this is acts of love.

This is, this is unconditional love that you're showing to one another by engaging in with each other for the difficulty that you're having and that God through his word has a solution to get you from where you are to where you need to be in Christ. So man, as we'll say in this, I want to ask you a question about how you're treating your wives. Are you treating your wives with unconditional love?

And if you're not, why? And second, if the way you're treating your wife, if someone else were to treat your wife, the way you're treating them, how would that make you feel? Wow. That is really profound, Roy.

That is really profound. And I'm hoping, man, as you're listening to this, because if someone look at your wife and you notice to be true, cause I'm speaking to you right now, you're out in the mall or walking through an amusement park or downtown in wherever city you're in. And all of a sudden someone looks at your wife really, really hard. Yes, you'll get upset.

You'll be mad and you'll be ready to do some things that you shouldn't be doing or thinking some things that you shouldn't do. So you've already crossed that line. But see, if you know that your wife is devoted to you and you alone, men, all kinds of men can look. And you know that at the end of the day, she's going home with me. That's right. But make sure you're treating her like the lady that wants to go home with you. Exactly.

And don't be that man who's like a closet type of individual who has, you know, abusive and hateful tendencies. Right. That goes back to what we've talked about before on several occasions. What does your Monday through Saturday face look like?

Do you look one way on Sunday, then act a totally different way Monday through Saturday? That's right. Love is a concern for someone else's well-being other than you. And it's an attitude, not an emotion.

Yes. And it's a choice of the will. Right. So you have to choose to want to love.

If you have not identified what issues you have in your relationship or you're not talking about them, then you will never get to the point of love because all of that is still a roadblock between you and where you need to get to is loving each other. So when the butterflies go away, if you've not done the homework, you may have some concerns. Exactly. Ephesians again, 5, 25, 28. Love can be commanded because it's a matter of the will. We can choose whether or not to love just as we choose whether or not to obey the command of God. Repeat that again, Will, please. So love is a matter of the will and we can choose whether or not to love just as we can choose whether or not to obey any other command of God.

That's good. When God commands us to do something, you have a choice. Am I going to do it or am I not going to do it? If I'm going to do it, then I'm submitting to the will of God so I can be led by the Spirit of God. So now if I'm led by the Spirit of God, now the Spirit of God is giving my spouse who is open to the Spirit of God, because if she's sitting here listening to me, you know, we want to communicate what the Word of God says, she's open to that.

Now the discerning spirit that she has within her, God is showing he is sincere about what he wants to do. Will you now take that same approach and be sincere to him to say, honey, I hear you, I hear you and I see that God is, you know, you, you really letting God work in and through you and I just want to come alongside and, and lift you up just as you have lift me up in the past. That goes back to what we're saying is about praying for each other, right Will and praying together. And you mentioned something there, the willingness to say, I'm sorry, just that tenderness and approach that I understand, I hear you behind that you need to be willing to say, I'm sorry.

And that's both of you and mean it and not to say, I'm sorry to get a break in the argument or break in the conflict is to settle the conflict and to move on, but not to turn back and keep doing the same things over and over again. That's right. Love must be expressed in action. See, love is an action oriented word.

See, I can have lip service. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love showing that through the way that you are living or through the way that you are treating your spouse. Now see someone out there, it's almost like word of God is giving me a discernment right now. Somebody out there will say, well, you know, pastor, I've tried to talk to her.

I've tried to talk to him and I just can't get through to them. And you know, to that I say is because you're doing it in your own strength. You are trying to make this work instead of letting the spirit of God work through you to make it work. And would another question be, have they done the inner impersonal reflection on what their role in this process is and what their role in this conflict is? So if you're not willing to ask that question, you know, then you shouldn't be looking to the other person to make the changes.

That's right. Because change have to start with you. Exactly. You can't change for your spouse, but you change.

You let God work in through you to be obedient to his will and submitting to his authority. Love is not shown in an action oriented way, then it's simply just lip service. That's not going to get you very far when you have real issues that you need to overcome.

Right. And one thing we haven't spoken on for the mixed audience that may be listening is that by no means, fashion or form, should a person remain in a physically violent environment. You need to get yourself removed either side of that, men or women, because there's nothing good going to come from that. And it's very unfortunate that we've got that going on in our society.

But let's speak to that, Bill, that that's just an absolute taboo that needs to be extracted. The person needs to extract themselves out of that. You should not stay in an abusive situation. God would not have you to stay there and be a beating post or, you know, be verbally abused, which would lead to other things.

And if you stay there long enough, the individual may get violent to the point, depending on what they're doing, to maybe try and take your life. And these are real world issues. These are real issues that men face on a daily basis. You know, they they come home from work, you don't know what's going on through their head.

So if they sit down and they want to have a conversation in reference to this or that, or they may not want to have a conversation today, don't press him, but just be there for him. The man, if he is open to the Spirit of God, he would be there for his spouse, because both have endured. The woman, if he's a homemaker, she's there making that home every day, getting those kids ready.

She's a mother like 24-7. Right. And then the other side of that coin, Willis, we know there are situations where men are being abused. So the same holds true for you men. That you need to extract yourself.

Exactly. And be protective of your own well-being and your children's well-being. Because love requires giving and it requires self-sacrifice. See giving and self-sacrifice. So if you see someone in need, just like the Word of God says in 1 John chapter 3, verses 14-18, if you see your brother in need, and you have the means to fulfill that need, and you don't do it, you just say, go on and be warmed and filled. And I'll pray for you. Yeah.

That's not showing the love of God, and that's not meeting the needs of those who need help. Right. Well, we're coming to the end of the show, folks. Will, thank you so much. Always a pleasure to be with you again. Will, would you like to close us out? Well, we'd just like to say to all of the men and men who are listening with their wives, we just thank God for you, and we ask that as you are letting God work in and through you that you remember to drop us a line, go to the website, T-A-W-C-M-M, tell us those things that we're doing that you are enjoying. God is blessing in and through us, and we want to just ensure that if you don't have a church home, connect yourself to the church. You can get in touch with T-A-W-C-M-M at the website. You can let us know.

We will connect you with a local church. Just be that vessel. Let God bless you.

Get up and get out. Have a great week. We thank you. We love you.

God bless you. As we wrap up today's show, be assured that T-A-W-C-M-M, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, is building a community of men that are Christ followers with a desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches, and work environments. Check out our website for upcoming events and regularly scheduled meetings. Drop us a note for topics that you would like to have us visit in the future. Thank you for joining us on Man Talk today. Visit us at www.tawcmm.com, men walking the talk. This is the Truth Network.