Lessons From a Dysfunctional Family | Part 2

Is there dysfunction in your home?

Listen closely to Adrian Rogers. Hebrews 11-20 recalls the story of twin brothers Jacob and Esau in Genesis 25. They were sons of Isaac and Rebekah, and together they were a family plagued by favoritism, deception, and betrayal. Yet God was at work in their family. There is hope for those who face unrest in the home.

If you have your Bible, turn to Hebrews 11. We'll begin in verse 20 as Adrian Rogers shares lessons from a dysfunctional family. Now a drama is about to unfold. The stage is set, and on center stage are four of the most incredibly unspiritual individuals you've ever seen. They make the core of this dysfunctional family.

I want you to look at them. First of all, enter the sensual father. The sensual father is Isaac.

Now he's going to bless the wrong son, and he's going to bless the wrong son for the wrong reason. That's the first person in this drama. Now enter the second person, and that is not the sensual father, but the scheming mother. Rebekah now has been eavesdropping. She's in on the deal, and so she decides that she's going to contravene what Isaac has done.

She's not submissive to her husband, and she is outside of the will of God because she's trying this time to do a right thing the wrong way. Genesis 27 now, begin in verse 6, and Rebekah spake unto Jacob her son. Now remember, Jacob was her pet, saying, Behold, I heard thy father speak unto Esau thy brother, saying, Bring me venison and make me savory meat that I may eat, and bless thee before the Lord before my death. Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to that which I command thee. Go now to the flock, and fetch me from thence two good kids of the goats. That is, you go get two real tender little goats, and I will make them savory meat for thy father, such as he loveth.

She's saying, Look, son, go out there and get two little goats. We'll kill them. I know how to fix them. I can fool your father. He will think it is venison when I get finished with it.

I know how to do it. Incidentally, she was quite a culinary expert, and she could take those tender little goats, and he would think it's the best venison he ever had. And so, Thou shalt bring it, verse 10, to thy father, that he may eat, that he may bless thee before his death. And Jacob said to Rebekah's mother, Behold, Esau, my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man.

My father, peradventure, will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver, and I shall bring a curse upon me and not a blessing. And his mother said unto him, Upon me be thy curse, and my son, only obey my voice, and go fetch them. Now, Jacob was not the last son to ever be hurt by a scheming mother.

Now, the birthright already belonged to Jacob. Jacob, Rebekah, was trying to do a right thing, but she's trying to do a right thing the wrong way. She's become dishonest.

If the devil can't keep you from doing a wrong thing, he'll try to get you to do a right thing a wrong way. And here is this mother who is scheming. She's trying to protect her son.

You listen to me. Listen, Mom. She lost the very son that she was trying to protect. Mother, the best thing you can do to keep your child is to give him away to God and to trust him to God and not to your scheming. So you have a sensual father.

Now you have a scheming mother. Now, here's the third participant who comes into this drama, and it's what I want to call a shady son. Now, if there was ever a guy that was shady, it was old Jacob. Now, was Jacob good or bad? Well, Esau despised his birthright. Jacob wanted it.

Jacob wanted the right thing. He had a heart for God, but he couldn't trust God for it. The blessing was already his, and by trying rather than trusting, he begins to get into all of these deals where he trades stew for the birthright that was already his, and now he tries to deceive his old father to get what was already his. And he's like so many Christians today who are scheming and trying when they ought to be trusting God and putting things into the hands of God. You see, God has blessed us.

We have a birthright. Ephesians 1 and verse 3 says, Blessed be God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. He was fighting a battle already lost rather than enjoying a victory already won. Now, a sensual father, a scheming mother, a shady son, and now a sorry brother enter the last one, and this is old Esau himself. Genesis 27, verse 30, And it came to pass, as soon as Isaac had made an end of blessing Jacob, and Jacob was yet scarce gone from the presence of his father, that Esau his brother came in from hunting.

And he also had made savory meat and brought it unto his father and said to his father, Let my father arise and eat of his son's venison, that thy soul may bless me. And Isaac his father said unto him, Who are you? Who art thou? And he said, I am thy son, thy firstborn Esau. And Isaac, underscore this, trembled very exceedingly and said, Who?

Where is he that hath taken venison and brought it to me? And I have eaten of all before thou camest and have blessed him. Yea, and he shall be blessed. And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry and said unto his father, Bless me, even also, O my father. And he said, Thy brother came with subtlety and hath taken away thy blessing. And he said, Is not he rightly named Jacob?

The name Jacob literally means supplanter or conniver, for he hath supplanted me these two times. He took away my birthright, and behold, now he hath taken away my blessing. And he said, Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me? And Isaac answered and said unto Esau, Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants, and with corn and wine have I sustained him. And what shall I do now unto thee, my son? And Esau said unto his father, Hast thou but one blessing, my father?

Bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice and wept. Now, here was a man who was living for the things of this world. He cared not for the birthright.

Now, as I said, Jacob at least had a heart for spiritual things. At least he wanted the birthright. At least he cared for it.

Esau despised it. Now, he's weeping. He's not weeping because he lost the birthright. He's weeping because he lost the influence and the possessions and the power that might go with it.

His sorrow is the sorrow of remorse, not true repentance. What a messed up family this family is, and yet God was at work in this family, and God did something for this family, and I want you to see that God can do something for you. So, what we're talking about, first of all, is the failure of a dysfunctional family. The failure of a disciplined father.

By the way, if the family is wrong, most likely the father is wrong. Now, notice that when Isaac really realized what has happened, he comes in here, he eats the venison, he thinks it's wonderful. He smells the clothes that are on Jacob because Isaac holds him and says, yeah, there's the smell of the field. He's a man, and outdoors there's a woodsy smell on his clothes, and then he feels Jacob's hands, and Rebecca had taken the goatskins of that goat and had put those goatskins on the back of Jacob's smooth hands and on the nape of his neck, and old Isaac now is listening and feeling and touching and smelling, and all of his senses are deceiving him, and he has blessed the wrong son, but then it dawns on him what he has done, and the Bible says that he trembles exceedingly.

That is, he is shaken to the core. God now has shown him what a fool he has been. He is tremendously under conviction because God has chastised him, and he realizes how carnally, willfully, deliberately he has tried to override the will of God and for his own selfish carnal reasons to bless the wrong son, and God brings him to repentance and faith. Now, that tells me something right now that Isaac in his heart really loved the Lord. Isaac was a great man.

Isaac was the one who allowed his hands and feet to be bound and laid on the altar in obedience to Abraham. He was the one who saw a ram slain in his stead, but now in his old age, in his dotage, he's getting away from God. Some of you used to love God with a bright, burning, flaming passion, and now you're old and carnal. All you're doing is thinking about your retirement, thinking about your last days, trying to have as much fun as you can have, and you have forgotten the things of God. I tell you, my dear friend, you ought to go out with a torch blazing and with a burst at the finish and not get like old Isaac did here and become a carnal man and get away from God, but thank God God brought Isaac back. Don't mistake the moment for the man either. This episode, this terrible episode of trying to bless the wrong son was an incident, but Isaac comes back. He comes back to his senses, and now he has been disciplined, and he realizes how his senses had deceived him. Now, you listen. You want to know the will of God?

You better walk in the Spirit, because if you don't, your senses will indeed deceive you. Let me tell you how he was deceived. He thought he was going to die.

He lived for 40 more years. He thought that goat meat was venison. He thought that Jacob's hands were Esau's hands. Even his sense of smell had deceived him, but God has not stopped working, and where sin has abounded, grace does much more abound. Now, thank God that God is the God of a second chance. Here's the third and final thing I want you to see. First thing we saw was the failure of a family that was completely in ruins, a dysfunctional family.

The second thing we saw was the fate of a disciplined man. God disciplined the father in this family, and thank God that he did. God may be ready to discipline you. God loves you too much to let you go on, sir, ruining your family.

The Bible says if we judge ourselves, we'd not be judged, that we should be condemned with the world. But when we're chastened, we're chastened of the Lord. God chastened old Isaac, and he may chasten you.

Now, here's the third and final thing. It's what I want to call the forecast of a determined future. Now, remember our text? Remember our text back in Hebrews 11 and verse 20? The Bible says by faith, by faith, here was a man who blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come.

Future here is forecast. You will in Genesis 28, 1 through 4. And Isaac called Jacob and blessed him.

Skip on down to verse 4. I will give the blessing of Abraham to thee, and to thy seed with thee, that thou must inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave to Abraham. Now, here's the point. God is never out of business. In spite of all that Jacob and Esau could do, Jacob got the blessing anyway. In spite of all that Isaac and Rebekah could do, Jacob got the blessing anyway.

Now, here's the point. Man may rule, but God will overrule. Here is the sovereignty of God. Let me give you two verses here. Proverbs 19 verse 21.

There are many devices in a man's heart. Nevertheless, the counsel of the Lord that shall stand. And then again in Psalm 33 and verse 10. The Lord bringeth the counsel of the heathen to nought. He maketh the devices of the people of none effect.

Now, this is a strange thing. Were these people responsible for what they did? Absolutely.

Were they culpable? Absolutely. Was Isaac wrong to be sensual? Yes. Was Rebekah wrong to scheme? Yes.

Was Jacob wrong to connive? Yes. Was Esau wrong to despise the birthright?

Yes. But yet over it all is Almighty God. God is working and God is ruling.

Now, how does that apply to us? God made a promise to Abraham. God said to Abraham, Abraham, in you all the nations of the world will be blessed. And I'm telling you what God has said all hell cannot annul.

Now, what is going to happen is this. God gave the blessing to Abraham. Abraham has given the blessing to Isaac. Isaac is giving the blessing to Jacob. Jacob is giving the blessing to his sons to Judah. Out of Judah is going to come the house of Jesse. Out of Jesse is going to come David. Out of David is going to come the lineage of Mary and Joseph. And out of the lineage of Mary and Joseph is going to come the Lord Jesus Christ. And God is at work.

And all hell cannot stop it and will not stop it. Have you ever gone on a giant airplane overseas, say a 747? You get on that airplane and while you're on that airplane, you can make all kinds of decisions. You can get up, you can sit down, you can recline, you can sleep, you can read, you can watch a movie, you can eat or not eat. She comes to you and says, would you like a meal? And you say, what are my choices? Yes and no. You can eat or not eat.

You have all these choices. But while you are making all of your decisions internally in that airplane, that airplane is headed toward one goal. Now, friend, God has history on one goal. God is going to crown the Lord Jesus Christ and Jesus shall reign where the sun doth, his successive journeys run, his kingdom spread from shore to shore till moons shall wax and wane no more. All hell cannot stop it. And what I see is this.

The Bible says by faith, by faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come. And those things are coming and they will come. Now, I said there's some lessons from a dysfunctional family. I'm going to give you five lessons. I'm just going to take them off.

And I want you to learn them and I want you to learn them well. Number one, dysfunctional families produce dysfunctional kids. Number two, a father's priorities often determine the family's function. Sir, if your family is wrong, most likely you're wrong. I've been preaching long enough to see this. I have never yet known a family where the husband from the beginning, the husband loved and served God whose wife and children did not come along and follow. Now, there may be such.

I have never known it. I will say this, that it is the father's priorities that determine the family's function. Number three, parents have great power to bless or to curse. If you only understood the incredible power you have to bless your children.

I believe in the power of the blessing. Next, we cannot always choose for our children. Don't get the idea that you can determine which way your children are going to go. I wish you could, but you cannot.

You cannot. God has given your children a will. Sometimes parents take credit for good children when they shouldn't.

Sometimes parents take blame for bad children when they should not. If you take the Proverbs and try to turn them into promises, you'll lose your faith. Just read the book of Proverbs and see some of the promises. The Bible says a man till the ground will have plenty to eat. Well, what if there comes a flood?

What if some other thing happens? No, that's a proverb. A proverb is a principle generally applied and brings a general result.

It's a proverb. I've seen parents put themselves under because they have a child that will go wrong and they say, what did I do? I remind you that these two boys were born at the same time of the same parents and they turned out as different as night and day. Jacob and Esau. Cain and Abel.

Same parents. One of those children turned out to be a murderer. God Almighty had some children in the Garden of Eden. They didn't turn out too swift. Was it a problem in the environment or the Father? Of course not.

They were in the Garden of Eden. God gave your child a will and you cannot take credit if your child turns out to serve God and you can't take blame if your child doesn't. You do the best you can. I've already said that dysfunctional families tend to produce dysfunctional children. I've already said that a father of faith can set the standard for the family.

All of these things are true. I'm not giving you an excuse not to be a godly parent but I'm saying there has to come a time when we understand that God allows children to have a will of their own and I'm glad that He does because had He not, I could have no more fellowship with my children than I could have with that pen. God does not make us robots. God gives us all a will and we must love our children and pray for our children and thank God when they turn out good.

Friend, here's the next lesson and the thing that I want you to learn. I want you to learn this, that no matter what happens in this world, no matter how society may disintegrate, no matter how families may fail and unravel, man's failure cannot nullify God's sovereignty. God is sovereign. And by faith, Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come. And what are those things to come?

I'll tell you what things to come are, that Jesus is going to reign here on this earth. Isaac prophesied a coming Messiah. Isaac prophesied the godly line.

Isaac prophesied the birthright. Friend, man has been divided from Almighty God. There's a chasm of sin, but the Lord Jesus Christ hung on a cross, the demons of hell mocked, but Jesus brought together my sin-sick soul and the fellowship of the Father. And on his cross, he reconciled God and man.

Did you know that's what Hebrews 11, verse 20, is talking about? By faith, by faith, Isaac blessed these boys of things to come. Now, are you willing to receive by faith what Isaac saw by faith? I want you to pray this way. Dear God, I'm a helpless, hopeless sinner. I deserve to go to hell, and I will go to hell if I don't get saved. Jesus, you died to save me, and you promised to save me if I would trust you. You shed your blood to pay my sin debt. I believe that you are the Son of God.

I receive you by faith into my heart and into my life right now. Forgive my sin. I'm sorry for my sin.

Forgive me. Cleanse me. Cleanse me from every sin. Cleanse me. Come into my life now.

Take control of my life. Begin now to make me the person you want me to be. Save me, Jesus. Pray that, friend, and mean it. Save me, Lord Jesus.

Did you ask him? Did by faith thank him? Just by sheer act of faith, thank you, Jesus, for saving me.

I believe that you have. I receive it by faith. I'm not asking for a strange feeling.

I'm not looking for a sign. I'm standing on your word, and you cannot lie. Now, Lord Jesus, because you died for me, I will live for you.

I will not be ashamed of you. In your name I pray. Amen.

Amen. And if you prayed to receive Jesus just now, let us celebrate with you. Go to our Find God's Love page on the website, and you'll find answers you may need about your newfound faith.

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For information, again, go to lwf.org slash radio. Remember these convicting words from Pastor Rogers today. The best thing any father could do is give his heart to Jesus. The best thing any mother could do is trust her children to Jesus and quit scheming.

The best thing any child could do is stand on the promises of God, our birthright, the one who has blessed us with all heavenly blessings in Christ Jesus. We hope you'll join us next time for more timeless truth right here on Love Worth Finding. Here's a brief note from a listener that really encouraged us. I love how Pastor Adrian draws me in with his stories and explains in plain words what God is doing in our lives.

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