Cultivating Contentment in the Home | Part 1

From the Love Worth Finding studios in Memphis, Tennessee, I'm Byron Tyler, here with Kerry Vaughn, the CEO of Love Worth Finding. Kerry, a new theme for the month of February, Love Worth Finding is talking about love. Our messages for the entire month of February are really centered on marriage and family. Marriage and family.

Cultivating contentment in the home. That's a verb, by the way. You've got to cultivate. You have to be intentional. You have to strive. You have to try.

You have to work at it, right? Most couples are not willing to work at their marriage. Well, the subject of family and marriage was always so monumental in the ministry of Adrian Rogers. He cared about it, passionately preached about it. You know, why was the subject so important to him? He cared about it enough that the family is absolutely the basic unit of society. Before God gave us industry, before God gave us education, before God gave us government, before God gave us the church, God gave us the family.

I can remember being with Dr. Rogers, and he was talking to the staff, and Byron, it was a special time, and he kind of took a different turn. He just said, you know, hey, you may be in the ministry, and you may be ordained ministers, but without your family, you have nothing. And I think for him, it was a reminder back to us, right? Your first and foremost ministry is your family.

If you do that well, then God will tee you up to do other things well. My wife Pam and I had marriage counseling with Adrian Rogers, and I remember some of the principles that we're talking about this month. He shared with us heart to heart, and I never will forget on our wedding day when he did our ceremony. You know, the nervous groom, me, I had the envelope of the money to thank him for doing our wedding, and we were back in his study and sipping on some tea and getting ready to walk out for the big day. And I handed him the envelope, and he took it, and he wrote a note on it, and I was wondering what he was doing. And he said, now, Byron, whatever you put in this envelope is what I'm giving back to you and Pam.

He never opened it up. And I just remember that investment, which wasn't much as a young married couple, but it showed me that he really did care about us. Yeah, he'd rather see you live out the Word of God than any other type of payment or investment.

And so those were special times, and what a great, great mentor to all of us. Well, we'll be looking today at Psalm 128, which is really a great text describing family that cultivates contentment in their home, and that's one of the biggest enemies to the family is discontentment. Well, Adrian Rogers said, a discontented man is never rich, but a contented man is always rich. And that's true.

And C.S. Lewis would even say, we're never content truly until we're in the presence of the Savior. And so again, I think we have to work at this symphony called marriage. So Kerry, learning to trust God really helps develop the family life when it comes to contentment, thanking Him for what He has provided us and learning to love people rather than covetting things and also by giving generously.

These are things that we'll learn in this series. We'll learn, and we'll learn how to apply them in our lives quickly, right? Are we cultivating contentment in the home?

Are we praying and asking God to give us a spirit of gratefulness or generosity? I mean, those are the type of things we want to live out. I'm assuming these are kind of the things you would like listeners to take away.

Absolutely. These are the nuggets that we want everyone to apply to their life, right? And I'll add one that we would root out any type of covetness from our heart and those things where God can work. Well, with today's message, cultivating contentment in the home, part one, here's Adrian Rogers. So many homes really are a swamp of discontent, and the mosquitoes of strife and arguments are breeding and constantly nagging at us, and we have people today who are, rather than getting to live, they're living to get. And Madison Avenue has done a good job on us. Madison Avenue has given us a real case of the wants, and we have the idea that in order to be happy, we have to have certain things.

Madison Avenue tells us, you deserve the best. You've got it coming to you. And if you get these things, then you'll be gloriously happy like all of the pretty faces on television.

But you know and I know that many families really because of this are financial time bombs getting ready to explode. Well, we have a picture of a contented family here in Psalm 128, and there are only six short verses. Let's read them all. Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord, that walketh in his ways, for thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands. Happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house. Thy children, like olive plants round about thy table, behold that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord. The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion. Thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.

Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children and peace upon Israel. Well, we're talking about contentment. What is contentment? May I give you a definition of contentment? Contentment, here it is, is an inner sufficiency that keeps us at peace in spite of outward circumstances. Contentment, an inner sufficiency that keeps us at peace in spite of outward circumstances. Now, actually, in the New Testament, the word contentment has the idea of being self-contained.

You remember Paul said when he was in that Philippian jail, I've learned in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content. The idea actually means I'm self-contained. I don't have to look at circumstances to find my peace. When the space shuttle goes up, they put everything on board that people are going to need because there's no 7-Eleven in the neighborhood up there. It is self-contained.

It has everything on board. Now, a Christian, a person who has the Lord Jesus Christ in his or her heart has that contentment, that self-containedment. Now, let me say this about contentment, however. Contentment is not complacency. It is not being laid back. It is not being self-satisfied. Many of us need to get busy.

There's so much room for improvement. There's so much more that we could be, should be, and contentment does not mean learning to do without possessions only. You can have possessions and be content. You can not have possessions and be content.

You remember what the apostle Paul said? I've learned in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content. I've learned to abound, and there's nothing wrong with abounding. Friend, if you're abounding today, if you've got plenty, I'm so grateful for you. That's wonderful, but just be content with it. I've learned to abound.

I've learned to base, but I've learned in whatsoever state I am, good or bad, rich or poor. I have learned to be content. Now, the Bible is not against your having things. As a matter of fact, the Bible says, it is the Lord thy God that giveth thee power to get wealth. The Bible says God takes pleasure in the prosperity of his servants, and every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from above, from the Father of lights, in whom there's no variables, and the shadow of turning. So, it doesn't take poverty to learn contentment. It doesn't take riches to learn contentment, but we must learn contentment.

Remember, in that passage of Scripture, in Philippians chapter 4, verse 11, Paul says, for I have learned in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content. All right, may I give you three things that you need to learn if you'd have family contentment, because, friend, listen to me now. If it's not contentment at home, you've got industrial strength problems. I mean, the devil had rather hurt you at home than anyplace else, because if you hurt at home, you just hurt all over, and if your home, as I say, is a swamp of discontent, you have got real problems.

Number one, let's learn what destroys family contentment. The Bible says in the Ten Commandments, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's. Now, here in the Ten Commandments, the last of these ten is thou shalt not covet. It's a very interesting commandment. Before I look at that for just a moment, let me say this, that the Ten Commandments were given primarily to the family.

Did you know that? God gave the Ten Commandments, and he said, now, dads, teach these to your sons and grandsons that you'll have a happy family. And God gives all of these nine laws for living, and then God sums it up with the last one, thou shalt not covet. Now, why did God put that last?

Because it sums up all of the others. All of the other commandments deal with actions, but this last one deals with attitude. All of the others deal with deeds, but this last one deals with desire.

What's in your heart? Covetousness. What is covetousness? Well, we told you what contentment is. Covetousness is unlawful desire that comes out of discontent.

Actually, this particular commandment deals with the heart. Now, let me tell you why covetousness is so bad. Number one, it's so deceiving. Covetousness is very deceptive. You may have a heart that is eaten up with covetousness.

Thomas Xavier, a great Roman Catholic theologian, said this. He said, I have listened to thousands and thousands of confessions. Never one time have I ever heard anyone confess the sin of covetousness.

It's interesting, isn't it? It's such a deceptive sin. Never one time anyone ever confessed the sin of covetousness. The apostle Paul was a very righteous man. He lived a life of excellence before he got saved.

He was doing well. One day, the apostle Paul had the Ten Commandments out, and he was checking them off. Thou shall have no other gods before me. He said, I don't do that. Thou shall not make any graven images. I don't do that.

Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. I don't do that. Honor your father and mother.

Yes, I do that. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. I don't kill. I don't commit adultery.

Never have. Boy, what a good boy am I. He said I was just doing real good. I was doing super good till he said I got to the last commandment, and I read that one, and it wiped me out. Listen to how he said it in Romans 7, verse 7.

What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. I had not known sin but by the law. That is, the law is what peeled me back and showed me that I was a sinner, for I had not known lust. Now, lust means unlawful desire, except the law had said, thou shall not covet.

Paul said, I would have given myself an A till I got down to this last commandment, and it said, thou shall not covet. I want to tell you something, folks. There are many folks who may be covetous and not know it. It's very deceitful.

And I want to tell you something else. It is very debasing. Do you know what unlawful desire, a lack of content does, covetousness? It reveals how wicked our hearts are. Now, put it in your margin on Mark chapter 7, beginning in verse 21. Jesus is talking, and he's talking about your heart and my heart. And he says, for from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts. Now, these things come out of our heart. Now, listen. Evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts.

Pretty bad list, isn't it? Notice the next thing, covetousness. Notice the company that covetousness keeps.

Let me read it again. For out of the heart, proceed evil thoughts, fornication, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile the man. Now, God just turns his X-ray into our hearts, and he says all of these things are in the human heart. Now, we don't realize that, but I want to tell you that that old nature is still there, and these things are down in our hearts.

They were born in our heart. If you ever eat an apple and find a wormhole, don't worry, there's no worm in the apple. The wormhole is not there for the worm to get in, but for the worm to get out. The worm was hatched in the blossom.

The egg is there in the blossom, and the worm finds its inception there inside the apple and eats its way out. These things that come out of our heart, they were there, we were born with them. The Bible says we are by nature the children of wrath. Did you know little children are covetous? Prove it. Take any little child, put him in a room surrounded by 15 toys. He'll be playing with one.

Let your neighbor come over to visit, put her little baby on the floor, and he'll go over and pick up one of those toys, and this kid will drop the one he's playing with and go over there and bop that kid and take that toy away from him. We are absolutely by nature covetous. I, me, mine, we want it for ourselves.

And where does it come from? Jesus said in John 8, verse 44, you are of your father the devil, and the lust of your father ye will do. How did Satan become Satan? He coveted the place that God had. He said, I want to be like the most high. I want the throne of God.

I will exalt my throne above the stars of God. How did he encourage Eve to sin? Through covetousness. Take that which was not hers.

She's surrounded in a garden, a beautiful garden, but there's one piece of fruit that she didn't have, and he said, you go ahead and take this. I was reading an article about some MBA students at prestigious Duke University, and they asked these students in order that they might teach them more, these MBA students going into business, what do you want to learn? What do you want us to teach you?

Let me just quote from the article. For several years, MBA students at Duke University's Fuqua School of Business were asked to write a personal strategic plan. The question posed to them was, what do you want to be when you grow up? With few exceptions, they wanted three things, money, power, and things, very big things, including vacation homes, expensive foreign automobiles, yachts, and even airplanes. They were primarily concerned with their careers and the growth of their financial portfolios.

Their personal plans contained little room for family, intellectual development, spiritual growth, social responsibility, or more effective management. Their mandate to the faculty was, teach me how to be a money-making machine. Give me only the facts, tools, and techniques to ensure my instantaneous financial success. Well, I can promise you one thing. If they got that instantaneous financial success, they would not be satisfied. The Bible says, he that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver.

Listen to me, and don't forget this. A discontented man is never rich, and a contented man is always rich. A discontented man, I don't care how much he has, is never rich.

A contented man is always rich, and somebody who is not content with what he has will not be content with what he would have, and to whom little is not enough, nothing is enough. Covetousness is wrong. Now, I'm not saying that it is wrong to have godly ambition.

I'm not saying it's wrong to have things. But covetousness is so deceptive, it is so debasing, and, friend, it is so destructive. Now, this verse I really would like for you to turn to. 1 Timothy chapter 6, and let's begin to read in verse 6. Now, he's talking about contentment.

Now, listen to it now. But godliness with contentment is great gain. That's really the bottom line of all that I have to say today. But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.

Somebody said, you never saw a hearse with a U-Haul behind it. And having food and raiment as just something to eat and something to wear, let us therewith be content. That's all you have to have.

That's all you have to have. You can't go around naked and you got to eat. Jesus said foxes have holes and birds have nests. I don't have a place to lay my head.

He wasn't discontent. Having food and clothing, let us therewith be content. But now watch this, verse 9. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil, which while some coveted after, there's our word, they have erred from the faith and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. Now, that doesn't say that they that are rich. The Bible is not against riches. Abraham was rich. David was rich. Solomon was rich.

Joseph of Arimathea was rich. But it says they that will be rich. What does that mean? It means that is their dogged determination, just like these students at Duke.

That is what I want. I have set my course to be rich. When you do that, you're living on dangerous ground. Every so often, a man speaking in a university or a high school will give a baccalaureate speech or whatever, and he'll give this advice, trying to get the kids to be ambitious.

And he'll say something like this. Now, young people, make all the money you can, just so you make it honestly. That sounds like good advice. That's terrible advice.

Why? Because nobody has a right to make all the money he can. Because if you're making all the money you can, you're going to be making money when you ought to be doing something else. You're going to be making money when you ought to be spending time with your wife and family. You're going to be making money when you ought to be sleeping. You're going to be making money when you ought to be soul winning. You're going to be making money when you ought to be worshiping. There are a lot of people who are making all the money that they can. And when they're making all the money that they can, what are they doing? They're putting things first.

And when you put things first, things first, do you know what that is? It's idolatry. Anything you love more, serve more, desire more, fear more, value more, then God is an idol. Now, folks, when you are guilty of idolatry, you are guilty of something terrible. Listen, Jesus said in Luke chapter 16 and verse 13, no servant can serve two masters.

Well, that's wrong. No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. Listen to what two masters he's talking about. He said, you cannot serve God and mammon. Mammon's just another word for things.

And then Jesus said in Matthew chapter 6 and verse 33, seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. God will not work in second place. When you put God in second place, that is idolatry, and that's the reason the Bible calls covetousness idolatry.

We have, in God we trust in our money, but we have me first written in our hearts. Here's a three-year verse that proves beyond the shadow of any doubt that covetousness is idolatry. Colossians 3 verse 5, mortify, that means put to death, therefore your members which are upon the earth, fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness which is idolatry. Now remember, covetousness is a very deceitful thing. You could not say that we're covetous, but covetousness, according to Paul here in this passage to Timothy, is like an octopus.

It just wraps its tentacles around you and drags you down. Many people get their identification by what they own, what they possess. I heard about a man who loved gold. I mean, he just loved it. He had an inordinate affection for gold. He got a lot of gold, so he put down a golden-colored carpet, got a gold-colored bedspread. He bought him some yellow pajamas.

Everything was gold all around. But then he got sick. He came down with, would you believe, yellow jaundice. And there he was up in his bedroom. His wife called the doctor and said, doctor, he's upstairs. The doctor went up to examine him, came back down with a bewildered look. His wife said, well, how is he?

He said, I don't know. People who get lost in these things can't find themselves. Now, folks, this is what destroys family contentment, and that is covetousness, unlawful desire.

Not wanting to have things, but unlawful desire, a spirit of dissatisfaction. And coming up tomorrow, we'll hear part two of this important lesson. In the meantime, do you have a prayer request you'd like to share? At Love Worth Finding, one of our great honors is to come alongside you and pray with you and for you. If you can, go to our website at lwf.org slash radio and scroll down to our prayer wall. There you'll find the option to either submit a prayer request or pray for others. This resource is one of our favorite ways to keep the ministry and the community praying continually for one another's needs. Let us hear from you today. Again, go to lwf.org slash radio and scroll down to our prayer wall. Thank you so much for studying in God's word with us today. Be sure to sign up for our daily heartbeat emails and you'll get daily devotions and message links sent straight to your inbox. You can find out more at lwf.org slash radio and tune in next time for part two of Cultivating Contentment in the Home right here on Love Worth Finding.