The Formula for Friendship

What is the formula for friendship?

Listen to Adrian Rogers. And you can only cultivate a few real, genuine, deep, deep friends. Thank God for your friends.

Welcome to Love Worth Finding featuring profound truths simply stated by pastor, teacher, and author Adrian Rogers. A true friend is of great value and worth the find. The Bible places a great emphasis upon friends, but it also encourages us not to have too many of them. Rather, we are to consider friendships as an investment. We invest time, energy, prayer, and emotions into people.

We cannot fully invest in more than we can maintain. 1 Samuel 18 provides a vignette of David and Jonathan and the fortune of their beautiful friendship. If you have your Bible, turn there now as Adrian Rogers shares the formula for friendship. 1 Samuel 18 verse 1, And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that is, when David had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day, that is, Saul took David that day, and will let him go no more home to his father's house. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. That is, because Jonathan loved David as he loved his own soul. That literally means he loved him as he loved himself. The word soul is another word for self.

And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. Never underestimate the value of a true friend. When you lose a real friend, a little bit of you dies. Friends are valuable, valuable things. I don't have a lot of friends. I have a lot of acquaintances, but I do have some friends, and I cannot begin to tell you what my friends mean to me.

Thank God for friends. Thank God for the sanctifying power of godly relationships. In the scripture that I have just read to you, we find a strange thing happening. Saul is the king of Israel, but Saul is sinking lower and lower and lower, and he is eaten up with jealousy and envy over David. But David is a man after God's own heart. David is a youngster, but he has the anointing. The spirit and power of God is upon him, and David is rising higher and higher, and Saul now is burning with anger.

And Saul has decided that David must be slain, and Saul has brought all of his desires into one burning focus. Kill David. Kill David. Kill David. And David, though a youngster, is forced to flee for his life.

He's hunted like a partridge on the mountainside. Like a wild animal, David lives in the rocks and the caves and the dens, and David has to say goodbye to family and goodbye to friends and goodbye to fortune and goodbye to fame and goodbye to all of these things and hello to heartache and hello to danger and hello to loneliness and hello to caves and hello to suffering and hello to hunger. He's in the furnace of affliction. And I've noticed that when God uses any man, any woman, any boy, any girl, that somehow they seem to go through the furnace of affliction. It seems to be a part of the making of a man of God. But God did something for David.

I pray, God, He'll do for you. God gave David a friend. And the name of that friend was Jonathan.

And what an influence and what a strength and what a power Jonathan was to David in this day and in this age. Ladies and gentlemen, take care of your friends. Thank God for your friends. You may have many acquaintances, but I want to say again, if you have one Jonathan-like friend, you're very, very rich. Don't try to have a lot of friends.

It's a mistake. Wisdom tells us that it's wrong to try to have too many friends because friendship must be cultivated and you can only cultivate a few real, genuine, deep, deep friends. Thank God for your acquaintances. Benjamin Franklin said, be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.

Thank God for your friends. You know, when I was in college and in seminary, in some of the courses that I was taught in ministerial ethics and so forth, they said, now don't have personal friends on your church field. Sometimes ministers' wives are told, don't have a friend. Just be nice to everybody, but don't have a friend.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is poor advice, poor advice for any preacher, for any preacher boy, for any preacher's wife, for any deacon, for anybody. To say that you could not have a friend is to deny your humanity. Jesus himself had friends. He chose 12 and of that 12 there were that Trinity, that inner circle, Peter, James and John and of those there was one friend that was even closer, the beloved disciple, John. There was Mary and Martha and Lazarus and Jesus spent time there because in his humanity even the dear Savior needed a friend.

Oh, the sanctifying power of godly relationships. Now what is a friend? A real, true friend, a Jonathan type friend.

May I tell you several things that a real friend is? Notice the relationship of Jonathan and David and the first thing I want you to notice is this, that it was a selfless friendship, a selfless friendship. Look if you will please in verse 1, and it came to pass when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, now watch this, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. That is, he loved him as he loved himself.

Their friendship was a selfless friendship. Jonathan loved David as Jonathan loved Jonathan and that tells me to begin with that I cannot love anybody unless I first love me. Now sometimes we've also been told that we're not supposed to love ourselves. Well that's foolish, of course we're supposed to love ourselves. Jesus said we're to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

If I hate me then what am I going to do to you? I'm to love my neighbor as I love myself. As a matter of fact it is not until I have a healthy self-conception, it is not until I rest in Jesus, it is not until I am secure in the Lord that I am free to love somebody else. No longer do I feel vulnerable. No longer am I afraid to give up something in me.

I can share me because I love me and therefore I can love someone else. And as I read this passage of scripture and I see about Jonathan, if there was anybody who had a right to be jealous and envious of David it was Jonathan. Who was Jonathan? Jonathan was the king's son.

Jonathan was heir to the throne. And yet there's not one speck of jealousy here. The Bible says that Jonathan loved David as he loved his own soul. Their friendship was a selfless friendship. It was an unconditional friendship.

You see there's a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. The relationship with this friend is not based upon conditions. If you have somebody who says I love you if they're not a friend. Or if there's somebody who says, I will love you when they are not a friend. Or if there's somebody who says, I will love you until they're not a friend. Or if there's somebody who says I love you because they're not a friend.

All of these have conditions. But real friendship is absolutely totally unconditional. It is selfless. It just simply says I Love you Period thank God for a friend like that that loves with an unconditional Love with a selfless love, but I want you to notice something else about this friendship that David and Jonathan had not only was it a selfless friendship, but it was a steadfast Friendship look again if you will, please in verse 3 then Jonathan and David made a covenant Because he loved him as his own soul and what was a covenant it was an immutable Unbreakable Unchangeable Agreement now I've preached a while back on the blood covenant and I'm not certain whether I'll deal with that or not I'll see as the Spirit moves me later on when we get to the story of Mephibosheth But put it down put it down clearly and plainly this friendship as marked by the blood covenant was a steadfast friendship it never wavered and you can go on a few chapters later turn for example of chapter 20 and look in verse 42 and You can see these men as they're getting ready to part and from this time on they're going to be separated because Circumstances have separated these men that love the Lord and and love one another and Jonathan said to David go in peace for as much as we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord saying the Lord be between me and Thee and between my seed and thy seed Forever and he arose and departed and Jonathan went into the city the thing that marks this Relationship was not only was it selfless it was Steadfast everybody else was against David that day and at the jeopardy of his own life Jonathan was a friend who stood by for the Bible says in Proverbs chapter 17 verse 17 a Friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity You think you have some friends do you want to find out if you really do make a mistake?

Make a mistake and See what happens? See who stands by you through thick and thin get in trouble get in difficulty get in adversity And you'll find out whether or not You have a friend. Do you want to know whether you're a friend or not? What do you do when that person that you think you're a friend to has need of you? Proverbs chapter 27 verse 10 says thine own friend and thy father's friend for sake not their Relationship was a selfless relationship their relationship was a steadfast relationship but thirdly it was also a sacrificial relationship a sacrificial friendship go back and look at our text if you will again in verse 4 and Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him and Gave it to David. This is 1st Samuel 18 4 and Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him and gave it to David and his garments even to his sword and to his bow and to his girdle That is Jonathan was willing to share at this particular point Jonathan had much David had little Jonathan had lived a life of royalty David had lived the life of a shepherd but here is Jonathan taking what he has and sharing it with his friend a Real friend is costly It costs to have friends, but it's worth it. There's no better investment a Sacrificial Relationship You may give without loving But you cannot love without giving look in chapter 20 in verse 4 See what?

Jonathan said to David then said Jonathan unto David whatsoever thy soul Desirous, I will even do it for thee. How'd you like to have a friend for that like that? Whatsoever thy soul desirous, I will even do it For thee a Selfless relationship a Steadfast relationship for a friend loveth at all times a sacrificial Relationship, but I want to say there's another mark of a true friend and that is it was a sanctifying sanctifying relationship a sanctifying relationship a sanctifying Friendship as you read the chapters that follow After this covenant was made you will find out that David was a better man for having a Jonathan and conversely and reciprocation Jonathan was a better man for having a David a friend a true friend Is a friend that makes you a better person a true friend is one who causes you to be better and because a friend is one who has a a Sanctifying influence upon you a friend is somebody who lifts you The Bible says in Proverbs chapter 27 and verse 17 as iron sharpened with iron So a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend You know what that means? It means dear friend that a real friend is going to put the edge on your life They're going to make you sharp and keen and better and useful They're not going to blunt your influence They're not going to dull your spirituality as iron sharpeneth iron so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend and David's life was sharpened by Jonathan and Jonathan's life was sharpened by David Oh Friend the best thing that could happen to you Is to have a friend that so loves God and so loves you That you're always a better person When you leave the presence of that friend I tell you with my friends I am talking about these men that that I've just mentioned I'll not be in a hotel room a motel room in a cottage in an automobile that long Before they're sharing with me some new truth in the Lord Jesus Christ Before they're talking to me about our wonderful Savior and what he means to them and what he ought to mean to me Thank God for friends like that Thank God for the sanctifying power of godly Relationships a friend who loves at all times will sharpen you as iron sharpeneth iron Someone wrote this about his friend. I Love you, not only for what you are But what I am When I am with you, I love you not only for what you have made of yourself but For what you are making of me. I Love you for not closing your ears to the discords in me but for adding to the music in me by worshipful Listening you have done it without a touch without a word without a sign You have done it by just being yourself Perhaps that is what being a friend means after all The key to those beautiful words is the first line.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am With you theirs was a sanctifying Relationship now I know enough about human nature, but I know what some of you are thinking right now You're saying. Oh, I wish I had a friend like that I'll get to that in just a moment. Well, let me tell you something about a friend who has a sanctifying relationship Did you know that if you have a real friend they'll love you enough to confront you when you need to be confronted The Bible says in Proverbs 27 in verse 6 faithful are the wounds of a friend Isn't that a beautiful verse faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful don't you thank God for friends who can put their arm around you and Love you closer to the Lord and confront you when you need it a friend loves enough to confront you the Bible says Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Let's go back to what I started just a few moments ago You say I wish I had a friend like that. I wish I had someone who would love me as Jonathan loved David I think ladies and gentlemen if you're thinking that way that is probably your problem right there you see stop waiting for somebody to love you as Jonathan loved David and Find some David and love him as Jonathan loved David do you know what the Bible says in Proverbs chapter 18 verse 24?

This is what it says. It says a man that hath friends Must show himself friendly a Man that hath friends must show himself friendly The Bible says in Galatians chapter 6 and verse 7 be not deceived God is not mocked for whatever man soweth That shall he also reap Now if you will stop waiting to be loved and love somebody if you'll stop waiting for somebody to give to you and give to somebody and help somebody And be a friend to somebody it may indeed be that you're going to find that that person is a friend to you He that hath friends must show himself Friendly, but let me say there's one who did not wait for you to love him Before he loved you and his name is Jesus and oh if the love of Jonathan for David is but a faint reflection of the love of Jesus for you Because Jesus loves you with a selfless love Jesus loves you with a steadfast love Jesus loves you with a sacrificial love Jesus loves you with a sanctifying love indeed. What a friend We have in Jesus. Oh the love that drew salvation's plan all the grace That brought it down to man Hold a mighty gulf that God did span at Calvary Calvary now the way to be a friend to somebody else Is to love that person with a selfless love but you can never love someone else until you love you and You can never really love you until you're loved by Jesus Do you know him are you saved do you want Jesus for friend a Savior a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Well, he says behold I stand at the door and knock if any man will hear my voice and open the door. I will come in to him He will be your friend dear friend if you'll let him father I pray here tonight that many will say an everlasting yes to Jesus Christ and trust him who is the friend of sinners in Jesus name amen And If you prayed to receive Jesus Christ just now let us celebrate with you go to our discover Jesus page at the website You'll find answers there that you may need about your newfound faith We have a response section where you can share your testimony or how this message has made a difference in your life simply go to wf.org slash radio and click the tab that says discover Jesus if you've received Christ Welcome to God's forever family. We can't wait to hear from you today Now if you'd like to order a copy of this message in its entirety you can call 1877 love God mention the title the formula for friendship This message is also part of the insightful series live like a king for the complete collection all 12 powerful messages call 1877 love God or go online to order at lwf.org slash radio or you can write us at love worth finding box 38600 Memphis, Tennessee 38183 Do you have a friend who loves you strengthens helps corrects guides and sustains you? More importantly are you that kind of friend? Pray and ask God for the wisdom to maintain the relationships in your life and join us next time for more From Adrian Rogers right here on love worth finding One of our donors wrote recently with such an encouraging note listen to this I have never come across a ministry with such a creative caring supportive outreach as love worth finding Thank you for reaching out I was thinking this morning that every time we speak a loving word for Christ the seeds are blessed by God Thank you for equipping me to share God's Word with my loved ones Well, we are honored to come alongside you with these messages from Adrian Rogers as well as resources that you can share with your friends And family when you donate to the ministry right now. We want to send you a hardcover copy of our new book 25 days of anticipation this new devotional resource will help you see the birth of our Savior in a new and beautiful way request this devotional 25 days of anticipation when you call with a gift at 1-877-love-god or give online at lwf.org slash radio