Friends | Part 1

How can we know something about the spiritual condition of your kids? The wrong kind of friend is the greatest danger that a teenager can possibly have because ultimately we become like our friends. If you have your Bible, turn to Proverbs chapter 17 verse 17 as Adrian Rogers explains the blessing, the curse, and the ultimate importance of our friends.

Take your Bibles and turn to Proverbs 17 verse 17. Now teenagers are more affected by friends than almost anything else. More affected by friends sometimes than parents and pastor put together. Teenagers want friends and the deepest need of all of us whether we're young or old is for enduring friendships. The deepest longing of the human heart is for a friend, somebody who loves us, somebody that we can share with, somebody that we can commune with who truly understands our deepest needs, our highest aspirations, and our worst fears. It's wonderful to have a friend. A true friend is a great treasure, but the wrong kind of friend is the greatest danger that a teenager can possibly have, especially the younger teenagers, but all teenagers for that matter.

Now Proverbs 17 verse 17, a friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity. Now basically there are two categories of friends. There are what I want to call casual friends that we minister to.

Now these are not the kind of friends that I'm talking about when I say a friend can either help you or hurt you tremendously. We all have casual friends. As a matter of fact, we teach our people to make casual friends. We teach making friends forever and we scold you if you don't have acquaintances in the world of the unsaved. So many times we say we're going to have a revival meeting, invite your unsaved friends and our people say, well I'm a Christian, I don't have any unsaved friends. Well don't brag on that.

Don't brag on that. You need to make acquaintances with the unsaved. The Lord Jesus did. As a matter of fact, that's one of the reasons they crucified the Lord Jesus. In Luke chapter 7 and verse 34, it says this, the Son of Man has come eating and drinking and ye say, this is what they said of him, a gluttonous man and a winebibber, a friend, of publicans and sinners.

They crucified Jesus for being a friend to sinners and very frankly, I'm so glad that he was and is because without him being a friend to sinners, this poor soul would have been eternally lost and so would you. And so there are certain casual friends that we are to have. You know, you don't put the salt in one barrel and put the fish in another. We are the salt of the earth. We are separate from sin but not the sinner. And so we can adapt ourselves to people in order to bring them to Christ.

Now I'm going to give you some scriptures and I want you to listen to these scriptures because I'm talking here about what I would call casual friends. Here's what the apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9 verses 20 and 23. He said, and unto the Jews I became as a Jew that I might gain the Jews to them that are under the law as under the law that I might gain them that are under the law. To them that are without law, that is, to the Gentiles, those who don't have the Old Testament, as without law. Not being without law to God but under the law of Christ that I might gain them that are without law.

To the weak became I as weak that I might gain the weak. I am made all things to all men that I might by all means save some and this I do for the gospel's sake that I might be partaker thereof with you. Now the apostle Paul said, I know how to accommodate myself to unsaved people. I know how to go out there and not make them angry.

I know how to accommodate without compromising my convictions. This does not mean, and I want to say this very clearly, and I want to say especially to you teenagers, this does not mean that while you're making friends forever and while you have casual friends, it does not mean that those casual friends are to become intimate friends. It does not mean that you are to have fellowship with them, that they are to become your companions. Now let me give you some other scripture.

I want to give you the other side of this now. Second Corinthians chapter 6, beginning in verse 14, and be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship, now the word fellowship here means koinonia, intimacy. What fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And then he says in verse 18, or verse 17, wherefore come out from among them and be separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing, and I will receive you and will be a father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters. Now here he's talking in a different category. He says you are not to have fellowship and communion with unsaved people.

If you do, you're going to be headed for serious, serious trouble. You cannot have communion and fellowship with unsaved people. Casual friends, yes. Making friends for Jesus, yes.

Accommodation without compromise, yes. Having people, acquaintances that you can invite to church, yes. Showing love and friendship, yes. But communion, fellowship, intimacy with these kind of people, absolutely not. Learn that there are the casual friends that we witness to, and then there are the intimate friends that we fellowship with. And parents, you better see who your children's intimate friends are, because they are going to be made or broken by their companions. Proverbs 13 verse 20 says this, he that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion, listen to the word now, a companion of fools shall be destroyed. A companion. He's not talking now about making friends forever.

He's not talking about casual acquaintance. He is talking about koinonia, fellowship, concord, companionship, and God says that if you have ungodly people for your companions, you're going to be destroyed. One of the saddest stories in the Bible is found in 2 Samuel 13, and I want to read it to you.

I'm almost embarrassed to read this story, but I'm going to read it to you anyway. It's a story that took place in the Old Testament with the children of King David. 2 Samuel 13 verse 1, and it came to pass after this that Absalom, the son of David, had a fair sister whose name was Tamar. Now Tamar was a good looking girl. She was beautiful. And the Bible says that she was fair. You get the idea that she was lovely, gracious, beautiful, charming, vivacious. And Amnon, the son of David, loved her.

Now this was his half-sister. When the Bible says that he loved her, it does not mean he loved her with godly love. As we're going to see, he was lusting after her. And Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister, Tamar. That is, he's eaten up with lust, for she was a virgin. And Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her. What he wanted to do was to violate her virginity, his own half-sister. But he didn't know how to do it. But notice verse 3, but Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab.

Now don't forget that phrase. Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shemaiah, David's brother. And Jonadab was a very subtle man.

Now what happened to Amnon now is terrible. This so-called friend made a devilish suggestion. He said, Amnon, if you would like to have an illicit relationship with your half-sister, let me tell you what to do. Pretend that you're sick. Shut in in your room. Ask your father David to have your sister Tamar to bring some food into your room for you. And when the two of you are in there by yourselves, you can do what you want to do to her.

Just play sick. This is what happened. And so there he sacrificed her purity upon the altar of his lust and did a terrible horrible thing to his half-sister. And in 2 Samuel chapter 13 verses 12 through 15, she's trying to keep him from doing this. And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing ought to be done in Israel. Do not thou this folly, and whither shall I cause my shame to go?

And as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore I pray thee, speak unto the king, for he will not withhold me from thee, howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. And then the Bible says he hated her exceedingly. After he got what he wanted, he did not want what he got. And the Bible tells us that from there on that her life was ruined. This woman, beautiful, having her virginity taken from her, never got married, never had a husband, never had children.

She is emotionally scarred all of her life. Now when Amnon's brother Absalom found out what the Amnon had done to Tamar, Absalom murdered Amnon. Amnon is dead. And now because Absalom has murdered Amnon, David is now trying to track Absalom down. And Absalom gets his hair caught in an oak tree, and I don't want to go into all the details. But Absalom is run through three times with spears, the whole tragic, dirty, sordid mess.

Do you want to know how it began? Amnon had a friend. Amnon had a friend. I want to tell you something. You are going to be like your friends.

You are already like them, or you will soon be like them. If you see a kid smoking dope, you see a teenager with needle marks up and down his arm, you see him with a sunken chest and hollow eyes, and you ask yourself, how did you get to smoking dope? How did you get to snorting cocaine? How did you get to using crack?

How did you do this? You say, well, I had a friend. I had a friend. You see a teenager whose body is mangled in an automobile wreck, and broken liquor bottles or beer cans are in that automobile, and he's been out riding around, endangering his life and endangering the lives of others.

Yes, that teenager. Where did you begin to use alcohol? How did it happen? Well, I was over at a friend's house. Their parents were gone. I was at a friend's house. We opened the refrigerator, and there was some beer in the refrigerator. I had a friend.

That's how I got started. Yes, kids, where did you first begin to smoke cigarettes? Hardly a one of them ever began smoking a cigarette by himself. He had a friend who said, try this, smoke this.

The Bible says a companion of fools will be destroyed. Ask how do kids get hooked on pornography? How are they at somebody's house watching R-rated and X-rated videos? How are these kids on the internet looking at pornography on the internet? How do they get introduced to it? Not by themselves. They have a friend, some friend that gets them on this thing. I want to tell you parents, you can evaluate the spiritual condition of your children by their friends.

It's an amazing thing. I've been pastor long enough to know that kids have a radar in them. If there are kids that don't want to serve God, they will find some other kid just like them. They'll find themselves. Like tonight, there may be two or three thousand people here, but those kids will find one another like a magnet. And I'll tell you that godly kids will find one another.

There's something about it. They just are attracted to one another. They are drawn to one another. Now you parents, I'm telling you, you can tell the spiritual state of your children by watching their friends.

Some of you don't even know what their friends are like. Listen to their conversation. See how they're dressed. See if they've got safety pins hooked all over them. See if they've got some weird outlandish hairdo. And you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know there's something wrong with some kids by just listening to their conversation, watching the way they dress, and paying attention to the music they listen to.

You don't have to be all that brilliant. But I'm telling you, you find the kids that your kids are hanging around with and you will know something of the spiritual condition of your kids. Now parents, listen to me.

I won't stop talking to the kids for a moment. There are three kinds of young people. There are simple, there are scorners, and there are fools. You'll find these in Proverbs chapter 1, verses 20 through 22. The Bible says, Wisdom crieth without. She uttereth her voice in the streets.

She crieth in the chief place of the concourse, in the opening of the gates, in the city. She, Wisdom, uttereth her word, saying, How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? And the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge. There they are, simple ones, scorners, and fools. And every teenager in the world is made up of one of those categories, either a simple, a scorner, or a fool.

And I'm telling you that if your children have a scorner or a fool for a friend, you are in for a terrible, horrible time. Now what do we mean by the word simple? That does not mean, if your child is simple, that doesn't mean he's stupid. As a matter of fact, he may grow up to be a rocket scientist. He may grow up to be a surgeon. He may grow up to be a lawyer. May grow up to be president. What do we mean by simple?

The word just simply means open. Now our verse in verse 22 says, the simple one loves simplicity. That is, he loves what all teenagers love, and that is the easy way. He wants to go through life without any restraint. He wants to go through life without any discipline. He loves his simplicity, but he lacks understanding.

Proverbs 9 verses 1 through 4, wisdom hath built her house, she hath hewn out her seven pillars, she hath killed her beast, she hath mingled her wine, she hath furnished her table, she hath set forth her maidens, she crieth upon the highest places of the city. Now listen, wisdom says, whoso is simple, let him turn in hither, and as for him that wanteth understanding, she sayeth to him. Now a simple child, a simple teenager, does not have understanding. This is true of all teenagers before they get understanding. I mean, they're born this way.

They love simplicity. They don't have understanding. They just don't understand. And when you say, honey, I don't trust you to do that, it doesn't mean that you don't trust their character. You don't trust their judgment.

You don't trust their understanding. Now a simple person is easily led into sin and error. Proverbs 14 verse 15, the simple believeth every word. This is a reason that they are a piece of cake for Madison Avenue. The simple believe every word.

He is just open. His mind is like plastic, and if he doesn't get a lock on the truth, if the simple doesn't believe God's Word, he is going to believe anything. It may be Madison Avenue, it may be false religion, it may be sinful friends. The simple is living in danger. All of you who have teenagers, I'm telling you every one of them by nature is simple. They love simplicity. They lack understanding. They are easily led into sin and error, and they are living in great danger. So many of you don't understand the danger that you're teenagers in because they're simple. Proverbs 22 and verse 3, a prudent man foreseeeth the evil and hideth himself, but the simple pass on and they're punished. The simple just pass on. They don't understand simple-minded teenagers, and I'm not talking about stupid teenagers.

I'm talking about simple teenagers think that they are indestructible. You boys and girls, listen, if you get in a car and you find out that the owner of that car or the driver of that car has been drinking, don't make a big fuss about it. Just say, would you pull over here a minute, I need to go in this drug store, or I need to go in this gasoline station.

Get out of that car, go into that gasoline station, and call your mom, call your dad, and say, would you please come get me. Just get out. And don't let them give you any kind of talk about, well, I'm going to be careful. They don't have enough between their ears when they're drinking to be careful. The simple pass on and they're punished. They don't understand.

They think they're indestructible. Two boys were trying to take a girl out. Her father came to the door and said, you boys get off my property. He looked them up and down.

He knew what they were like. He said, the daughter was 15, said, my daughter is not going out with you tonight, tomorrow night, or forever, she's not going out with you, so get off of my property. They were so angry. They got in the car, did a wheelie, a donut, threw gravel up against the man's house, sped down the road, then they got angry again, and they came back, came and parked in front of that house, rolled down the window, and began to curse that man and use vile obscenities and shout at him. Then drove off again, came back again, and began to curse and swear at him and call him every ungodly, lascivious thing that they could think of, vile and filthy names.

They did that three times. Then they were going downtown and they saw a boy, one of their friends, just walking down the street, and said, hey, get in the car with us, and that young man just jumped in the car, and he said, where are you going? They said, we'll show you where we're going, and they went back to that man's house again to vilify him and to curse him and to say words to him, but he'd had enough. He was standing out there behind an Evergreen with a loaded gun, and as that car sped off one more time, he shot through the rear window, and guess who was hit? That bullet went in his back and tore a gaping hole out of the heart of that boy just simply walking down the street and got in that car with these people, and I don't know what kind of epitaph they put on his gravestone, but here's what they might have said, here lies Jim, a good boy. He would be alive, but he had some friends.

He just had some friends. Now these are simple. I'm telling you, it doesn't mean that your young people are not smart, doesn't mean they don't have character. I am just telling you that they don't understand until they get wisdom from God, and kids, you need to understand now, I love you.

I'm not putting you down, but there's the simple. And coming up on Monday, we'll hear the second half of this important message. We hope you can join us then. I want to remind you that we love hearing how these messages from Adrian Rogers have inspired you in your faith journey. Go online to lwf.org slash my LWF story. You can submit your testimony there or read others who've shared their stories. We often select these testimonies to be shared throughout our love worth finding community, and we always will protect your privacy if that's what you desire. So let us hear from you today. Go to lwf.org slash my LWF story. Now if you'd like to order a copy of today's message, call 1-877-LOVEGOD.

The title is simply friends. You can also order online at lwf.org slash radio, or write us to order at love worth finding, box 38600, Memphis, Tennessee 38183. Well thank you so much for studying in God's word with us today. Be sure to sign up for our daily heartbeat emails. You'll get daily devotions and message links sent straight to your inbox.

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