How To Heal Broken Relationships | Part 2

We are to forgive one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven us. Welcome to Love Worth Finding featuring Profound Truth Simply Stated by Pastor, Teacher and Author Adrian Rogers. Broken relationships in the Church disgraced the Father and discouraged the Bride of Christ. In part one of today's message we began learning about the problem of dissonance in our lives.

I want to talk to you tonight about how to heal broken relationships. And I think all of us who've been in the service of our dear Savior for very long have had somebody who has wronged us, who has trespassed against us. And it is a very painful problem. When somebody sins against another person, trespasses against that person, a relationship is broken, a fellowship is severed. Now if you're going to solve that problem, you're going to have to get a proper perspective.

That's the second thing. Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone, and if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. What this literally means is somebody out of the same womb. That's what the word brother literally means. Somebody that has come out of the womb of grace, somebody who along with you calls God Father.

And you need to consider that relationship. Well, you say maybe he's not a brother. Maybe he's never really been saved. Maybe he just has his name on the church road. Well, if he's not a brother, then he's lost. And he's blind.

He's on the road to hell. He all the more deserves your pity and your prayer. But if he is a brother, then to harm him is to harm you because you're both not only brother, a sister, a sister and sister. But you are members of the same body.

So just consider that relationship. No matter what an individual does and no matter how they trespass against us, they are to be loved. Put these verses down. And listen to Galatians chapter 6 verse 10. As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially those of the household of faith. So when you're getting this proper perspective, first of all, consider the relationship.

This is a brother. Now secondly, consider the responsibility. Look again, if you will, in verse 15. He says that if thy brother trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone, if he shall hear thee, thou has gained thy brother. Every failing Christian is another Christian's responsibility.

When one brother fails, it's up to another brother, another sister to lift him up. Because the Bible says in Galatians chapter 6 and verse 1, brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, then ye which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. So consider your relationship and consider your responsibility.

If somebody trespasses against you, it is your responsibility to try to make it right. And when you consider your relationship and you consider your responsibility, how important it is for you to consider yourself. Listen to Galatians 6 verse 1. If a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself.

How do you consider yourself? Well, you have to ask yourself if you're trying to straighten somebody else out, are you sinning in a similar area? The apostle Paul wrote in Romans chapter 2 verses 1 through 3, listen to this. Therefore, thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art, they judgest. For wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself. For thou that judgest doest the same things. But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things. And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God? I mean, how dare we, how dare we go to anybody and try and straighten anybody out if we ourselves are failing?

Likewise. And then we have to consider also, have we been praying for this individual who sinned against us? Now, Samuel said in 1 Samuel 12 verse 23, God forbid that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you. And we have to ask ourselves about the individual that we want to go straighten out. Have we set the good example before him? Are we ourselves able to go straighten out? An example in that area, Hebrews 12 verse 13, make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way.

That is, if you don't walk straight, somebody else is liable to be turned out of the way. All right, we've talked about a perspective. Let's talk about a procedure. What is the prescribed procedure if somebody trespasses against you? Well, first of all, you go see them. You visit him privately. If somebody sins against you, you don't tell another soul on this earth. You go to that individual and don't tell anybody else. Well, why should you not tell somebody else?

Well, they might take up an offense. And the Bible says that it's wrong for people to take up an offense. Proverbs chapter 16 verse 28, a froward man soweth strife, and a whisperer seperateth chief friends.

And Proverbs 25 and verse 9 says, debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself, and discover not a secret to another. Now, if Jim Whitmire sins against me, I go to Jim. Well, if I perceive that Jim has sinned against me, I go to him. I don't need to tell Bob Sorrell. I don't need to tell anybody else. I go to Jim. I speak to Jim alone about it.

Why do I do this? Well, maybe Jim didn't really sin against me. Maybe I just thought he did. Maybe I'm wrong in my facts.

And sometimes we can be wrong. I may have told you about a little boy who went to a birthday party. His mother said, if you misbehave, I've asked Ms. Jones to send you home, and you'll get a spanking when you get home.

He hadn't been gone 10 minutes before Ms. Jones came walking him back to the house. She went up and spanked him and said, now what did you do wrong? He said, I didn't do nothing wrong.

The party ain't till tomorrow. Now, sometimes, sometimes we just assume things that are not true. And so if I go to an individual and I confront him, he says, now, Adrian, that's what you think, but now let me give you the facts. I am to visit him privately, and I am to visit him lovingly. The greatest test of love for a brother is, are you willing to confront him if and when he does wrong? Proverbs 27, verses five and six, open rebuke is better than secret love.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Now, when you go to this brother, this sister, you don't go to tell him off. The Bible tells us clearly in verse 15 that we're there to gain our brother.

You go to win him not to condemn him. So how in this thing of visitation, how do we do it? We visit him privately. We visit him lovingly. We visit him humbly.

And hopefully, there is restoration because verse 15 says, if he will hear thee, thou has gained thy brother. By the way, if you go to a person and ask for forgiveness, make sure it's forgiveness that you get because a proud person will say, oh, that didn't matter. That's all right. Forget it. Say, no, I want you to forgive me. Don't just take his shrug and say it doesn't matter.

It does matter for your sake and for his sake that they come closure. And if he just says, oh, just forget it, forgetting comes as a result of forgiveness. And there can be no forgetting until the slate is clean. And don't be sloppy when it comes to getting forgiveness. Forgive freely. Forgive fully. And forgive finally. I mean, buried in the grave of God's forgetfulness, we are to forgive one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven us. Well, that brings up a problem.

What if the individual will not hear you as frequently as the case? He might say, I did not do wrong. I don't owe you an apology.

I don't need forgiveness. Or he might say, I'm doing wrong. So what?

Get out of my face. Then what do you do? Well, you have to get some confirmation.

First of all, there's visitation then restoration. But what if that doesn't work? Then you get confirmation.

So you get some people to go back with you. Look in verse 16. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. So you need to get somebody to confirm what's going on. Now, the Bible makes it very clear that two or more are necessary to witness and to confirm something. Because you could be wrong.

And he could be right. We all have blind spots. I have some. If I knew where they were, they wouldn't be blind spots.

We all have them. And so it's good if we can't get this thing done to bring somebody else there to confirm for some confirmation. They are to come not to witness against him but to witness to him to try to win this individual back. Well, suppose he turns a deaf ear to these.

Suppose he stonewalls these. You've gone to him privately. You've gone to him humbly.

You've gone to him lovingly. He won't hear you. You take some godly friends back with you. They confirm that he's done wrong and he won't hear them. Then after visitation and confrontation, then what do you do? Well, then you tell it to the church.

It gets more and more serious. Look in verse 17. And if he neglect to hear them, let him tell it to the church.

Now, this is getting very serious. The matter now is brought to God's leadership there in the church and this individual then is confronted with spiritual leadership. Again, the desire is not to condemn him and not to expose him but to reclaim him. This ought to cause an individual who is challenged now by the church to go into deep self-examination. And the church ought to examine and say, have we truly ministered to this individual? Have we prayed for him or her? Have we lovingly entreated this individual? Well, suppose he will not hear the church.

Then what happens? Then he must be excommunicated, put out of the church. If he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican.

A heathen man was a man outside the household of faith. That is, he needs to be told, we're sorry, my friend, but you cannot continue to live that way, to disgrace the father, to distress the faithful, to delight the foe. You cannot do that and be in this church.

And the apostle Paul wrote in 2 Thessalonians chapter 3 verses 14 and 15, if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, have no company with him that he may be ashamed. Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother. Don't just keep fellowshipping him. Don't let him feel that he's still in the communion, in the fellowship. Admonish him. Love him.

Pray for him. But don't let him continue to disgrace God. In the Corinthian church, there was a man who was living in incest. Actually, he was sleeping with his father's wife. I take it to mean by that language, when it doesn't say his mother, but his father's wife, that this was his stepfather.

It's a terrible thing. Paul said, why, we don't even see the heathen acting that way. And here was a man, a member of the Corinthian church. And Paul said in 1 Corinthians chapter 5 verse 5, he told them to deliver such a one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. Now, what that meant to deliver him to Satan was to take away that umbrella of protection and he's excommunicated.

He is turned out, not because we don't love him, but because we do love him. We're talking about the destruction of the flesh. We're talking about actually his physical body or that carnal fleshly nature. It could be one or the other.

It could be both. Paul had another man that he dealt with in 2 of them. He speaks of whom is Hymenaeus and Alexander whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme. They had been members of the fellowship, but they had living now in spiritual sin, blasphemy. So, we are to excommunicate or to put out of the fellowship. Now, this is to be done as the last, last, last of the fellowship that we resort.

It is not if we find somebody who has failed that we're to put them out of the fellowship. I mean, people, all people fail. One man said he was so distressed with evil in the world today, he got to talking with God and he said to God, God, why don't you destroy these evil people? And God said, alright, I will. I'll start with you. That is what he imagined.

That is what he imagined hearing God say. I'll start with you. I mean, all of us, even the best of us fail. And a church is not a museum for saints. It's a hospital for sinners. And Romans 14, 1 in a paraphrase says, Receive a brother into the church even if he scarcely believes Christ can save him. And we ought to take babes in Christ, weak, stumbling people, people who fail, people who get into sin and love them, confront them, help them, build them up, not exclude them. They need the church.

But what this is talking about is a recalcitrant person, a stubborn person, an innocent person. I will not hear a brother who's going to me. I will not hear a committee that's come to me.

I will not hear the church that has challenged me. Then we say with a broken heart, we're sorry, brother. We're sorry. We're sorry, my sister.

We're sorry. But you cannot continue to live that way and be in the fellowship of this church. We count you as a heathen.

Well, what do you do? Well, you live with a heathen. You love them and try to win them to Christ. It doesn't mean that we are not concerned about this individual. We love them and try and win them to Christ. But we do not let them poison the fellowship. We do not let them hurt and distort the cause of Christ. And so, if there's somebody that has sinned against you, don't make it a matter of gossip.

Don't come and tell me what some church member has done wrong. Go to that individual. Pray.

Consider yourself. Go lovingly, humbly, gently, and try to win your brother. And if he won't hear you, get a few trusted friends, spiritually mature people, and go back. Then bring it to the church. And the church must confront. Then if they won't hear the church, it would break our heart. But we would have to treat them as though they'd never met and known the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, an attempt with all of our heart to win them to Christ.

I say that to say this. Some years ago, I told our deacons that I was not satisfied with the way that we are practicing church discipline. We do practice church discipline. We have practiced it.

And we will continue to practice it. And we're trying to find even better ways to practice church discipline in our church. Because what we want is a holy church.

Amen. We want a holy church. We don't want a church where we think we're better than other people. We don't want a church that has no room for those who are fallen and hurting.

We want to help those kind of people. But we want a church that when we say, oh, God, bless America and send revival to America, that God won't have to say to us, why don't you clean up your own act, first of all? Why do you allow and why do you countenance things that I have clearly and forbidden in my word? Lord Jesus, we thank you so very much that you don't leave us floundering around. You don't leave us helpless. You show us, dear Lord, in your word, how to behave and how to love others and how to restore and reclaim brothers and sisters. And Lord, help us to know how to mend broken brothers, how to reclaim those, dear Lord, who have fallen.

But help us, oh, Lord, also not to countenance things that would hurt your church or grieve the Holy Spirit or cause an unsaved world to stumble. Lord, we need such wisdom. We need such love. And we know, dear Lord, that you will give it. Your holy name we pray.

Amen. And today if you have questions regarding your faith in Jesus Christ, we'd love to offer you an insightful resource on our website. It's our Discover Jesus page. You'll find answers you may need about your faith.

There's a response section as well. You can share how this message or others have made a difference in your life. Go to lwf.org slash radio and click the tab that says Discover Jesus. We can't wait to hear from you today. Now, if you'd like to order a copy of today's message, call us at 1-877-LOVE-GOD and mention that title, How to Heal Broken Relationships. This message is also part of the insightful Sharing the Good News series. For the complete collection, all six powerful messages, call 877-LOVE-GOD or you can order online at lwf.org slash radio or write us at love.org slash radio. We're so glad you took time to study in God's word today. If someone has sinned against you, don't make it a matter of gossip. Go to the individual lovingly, humbly, and gently after first considering yourself. We hope you'll tune in next time for more timeless truth right here on Love Worth Finding.

I'm Kerry Vaughn, CEO of Love Worth Finding with Adrian Rogers. I hope you and your family have enjoyed a beautiful Easter season. As we celebrate the most important event in history, here's the two word question. Now what?

How far is that? Through broadcast, digital, and print media, the LWF website and app, Love Worth Finding reaches across the nation and around the globe with the good news of Jesus Christ. I'm humbly asking you to consider a special and generous love offering gift to expand the ways LWF is working to fulfill the Great Commission. Let's grasp the baton together and run the kingdom race until Christ returns. . . . . .