Love One Another - How to Build Friendships that Last a Lifetime, Part 2

Life is most worth living when you live it for others. But how do you do that?

What's it look like? We're going to learn how to become the kind of friend that you long to be and how to build the kind of relationships that you long to have. Thank you for being with us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip Ingram serves as our Bible teacher for this global teaching and discipleship ministry, helping Christians develop an authentic faith. Today we're wrapping up our series, Love One Another, as Chip passionately tells us why it's possible to forge and grow stable relationships. Well, he has a lot to share, so grab your notes and Bible as we join Chip for the insightful remainder of his talk, How to Build Friendships that Last a Lifetime. Philippians 2, beginning at verse 5, the apostle Paul writes, inspired by the Holy Spirit, your attitude, believers, should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

Well, what attitude are you talking about? He describes it, verse 6, who being in very nature God did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself, downwardly mobile, and he became obedient to death, even death on a cross. See, Jesus is going to teach. When Jesus left, he had lifetime friendships for now and for eternity, and he's going to teach something.

Honoring one another above ourselves is the acid test of how much we love people. So he says, you want to see in your culture, in your time, in human flesh, what it looks like to honor you, and he does the lowest servant's job to the people who all knew they should be doing it for him. But long before that, the apostle Paul says, let me give you a better picture.

Let me give you a bigger picture. He said, for eternity past in heaven, the triune God, Father, Son, Holy Spirit, perfect relationship, perfect equality, unapproachable light streaming from them before the throne of God, and there's myriads and myriads and myriads and myriads and myriads of angels of all kinds, and they're singing, holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty. Heaven and earth are full of your glory, and Isaiah says that some of the seraphim cover their eyes with two wings because he's so holy, and with two wings they cover their feet, and with the other two they flap, and this honor, majesty, praise to who?

God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. In the midst of all that honor, the first step toward your salvation was humility like we never have known. That one who's the object of all worship was born in a stall of a teenage girl to become fully God, fully man, to make the incarnate Christ. Because when God looked down the portals of time, he saw you and you and you and you and you and you and me, and he said, I love you. And the acid test of my love is to honor you above myself. He experienced the ridicule of being a poor child, the ridicule of being a bastard child because they understood that she was pregnant before the marriage, the ridicule of coming from a place called Nazareth where people said, nothing good comes out of Nazareth.

The ridicule of being spit upon, beaten, and nailed naked to a cross. Why? Because he loves you, that's why. Because he loves you. You begin to understand why when you honor others like that, that extreme, that kind of love, that kind of sacrifice, more attracted to you, people want to be around you. Fourth observation is that position and power are stewardships for service. We think position and power are rewards you get.

We think they're the honor. In fact, it's interesting, you study this word in the early Greek language, the word honor is tied with material possessions so closely you can't distinguish them. And so to be honored, you were honored because you had so much possession or so much position or so much wealth. Now, the word began to evolve in its usage and then later on, how much gifts or how much possessions you gave were how much you honored people. By the time of Plato, it began to emerge that there was moral conduct and virtues, character that you should be honored for.

And by the time the word is used in the New Testament, we have thoughts of honoring your parents as in the Old Testament and honoring the poor and honoring your wife and honoring the elderly and esteeming others because of their position that God has given them and their value. What we need to understand is that Jesus is teaching the key to lifelong friendships for his followers is that God gave you position and God gave you power for serving others. And you say, well, I don't have much position. I don't have any power.

Oh, yes, you do. You don't have to run a Fortune 500 company to have position and power. I would guarantee that whether it's a sphere this size or this size, there is a group of people who you highly influence. There's a group of people that think highly of you. There's a group of people that what you say, what you do, how you live, it influences all their thinking.

You know what that's called? Position and power. Now, for some it's in business, for some it's at home, for some it's your kids, for some it's your network here, for some it's your neighbors, for some it's at your extended family.

But whatever level of position and power that comes with your savvy, your background, your experience, your looks, your money, your whatever you have, God has given that to you for one reason, to leverage it to serve other people. A fellow who visits our church doesn't live in this area. We've gotten to know each other and he's connected with a group of people called the Pinnacle Forum in Arizona. And their vision statement is to reach the top one percent of all executives in the state of Arizona.

High influence and are CEOs of major companies and they're believers and they want God to leverage their position and power to make a big difference. And this guy said, you know they're going to be at a retreat at Pebble Beach. And I thought, well, now that's a good place to have a retreat if you're going to have one, you know. And then they said, they're looking for someone to give them a little challenge, you know, someone to, you know, just raise the bar a little bit that God would really use them. And they're going to do some strategic planning. Would you like to go speak to them? I thought, well, I've been praying about stuff like that, just God whatever.

So yeah, I'll give that a whirl. So I got with the staff and said, you know, we really need to pray. This is a great opportunity, number one.

And number two, I'm afraid. So here's what we need to pray. One, pray that I won't be intimidated because these are high powered people. Pray number two, that I won't try to impress them because I'm insecure. Pray number three, that I'll really be bold and tell them what God wants me to say and not worry about what they think.

And pray number four, that I will in no way kind of toot our horn or my horn and try and use this in any way other than to serve them. And I walked out of there and just the Spirit of God confirmed in my heart, boy, God answered my prayer. And I walked into this little room and they had a long table and a fireplace and they were served privately. And I got a good meal out of the deal.

It was pretty cool really. And on my right was the CEO of a Dow Corporation. And then on the left was a guy who owns a portion of the Green Bay Packers. And next to him was a guy who owns a major portion of the Phoenix Suns. And for reasons I don't know, I was just relaxed.

And then I got the chance to talk. And I walked through Nehemiah chapter one and Nehemiah chapter two. And if you know that story, it's about a man who got great position and great power right next to the king. And yet he was a Jew in the Persian Empire. And all of God's people, the walls were burnt, the gates were broken down. God had a plan and the whole nation was going down the tubes. And God took Nehemiah and he used his position and power to serve them, risk his life, went before the king.

The entire history, the entire history of God's people changed because of one man who saw his position and power not as how do I get comfortable and I deserve this, but saw it as a stewardship. And so I just by the grace of God said to those guys, you know something? You got a lot of wherewithal. You got a lot of money.

You got a lot of savvy. And God didn't give it to you so you could be comfortable. He gave it to you to make a difference in this world. Don't do something small for God. There's enough gray matter in this room and probably enough dollars that if you wanted to do something magnificent for God, you could.

And I want to tell you that I believe you're the Nehemiahs of your generation. And God will hold you accountable for how you steward the position, the power, and the wealth. And you know when we say that all of us think, yeah man, I wish those rich people would really get with it, huh? And down deep below that we say, you know, if God ever gave me a million dollars, boy would I use it for the Lord. If you're not using what you have for the Lord, you wouldn't use a million dollars for the Lord either. God's never looking for what you would do someday with more time, what you would do someday with more money, or what you do someday with more spiritual gift.

He has this law of progression of faithfulness. And the question he's asking you and me is that whatever level of position and whatever level of power you have in your network, do something great for God. Among Christians today, the whole world can be gone to hell in the handbasket. But as long as my world is okay, we can kind of just watch it happen, can't we?

As I watch the news, as you have, it looks to me like some worlds are going to collide pretty soon if we're not careful. So we might as well go ahead and get out of our little nest egg now and make a difference. Number five observation is simply real happiness comes when we make others shine, not hog the limelight. Notice how Jesus did that? Served others. That's how you honor them. I think moms get this directly from God.

I don't know how it works. I think they just get it directly from God. Moms sacrifice time. Moms sacrifice sleep. Moms sacrifice everything. And what do they rejoice in?

When their kids grow up, and they're healthy, and they get rightly related, and they have an impact. I think God just puts that in their heart because it's so near the heart of God. See, honoring other people means that what you really want to do is you want to see them succeed. You find your greatest joy in other people's success. Didn't Jesus say, if you know these things, blessed or happy if you what? Do them.

Do them. See, there's no room for this ooey-gooey feeling among Christians like, I have good thoughts toward them. I had good intentions. It's really wanting other people to get the credit.

You know what that's called? That's called honoring others. See, when you honor other people, when you let them have the limelight, only deficit thinkers think if you give a slice of the pie away, there'll be less for you.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's worldly thinking. You need to be a developmental thinker. When you give what is rightfully yours, quote, because you deserve the credit, quote, because you got the position, quote, because you got the parking spot, quote, because it was your idea, quote, when you give that away and let someone else shine in it, God gives you a new pie. That's multiplying thinking.

That's how God does it. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll return you to Chip's message in just a minute. But first, is there a cause or a group you feel connected to and want to support somehow? Well, let me invite you to join us after this message as Chip opens up about the people God has burdened his heart for and the opportunity you have to partner with Him in this meaningful work. Stick around to learn more. For now, let's get back to our series, Love One Another. What are we saying here? We're saying that if you want lasting relationships, authentic relationships in your family, in the church, if you want to get near the end of your life and have people that are connected and who love you and you have impacted, the acid test will be honoring others above yourself.

In summary, it's honoring others is enjoying and celebrating the worth, success, and accomplishments of others more than my own. That's wild, isn't it? You can't do that on your own. I can't do that on my own. That's grace.

Boy, but if you get into it, you'll flourish and the people around you will flourish more. Let me ask you a couple of questions. Let's kind of put this into practice. How are you doing in this whole issue of honoring?

What's it look like? In the last week, say, who have you honored above yourself? I don't mean generically, like, oh yeah, I'm sure I did somebody. I mean, like, what's their name?

What day was it? And what specifically did you do to honor someone above yourself? Let me give you a good full three seconds to ponder that.

Okay, time's up. Now, some of you, something could have come right to mind and that's great. For a lot of us, the reason something didn't come right to mind, we don't do it much. In the midst of life and being a believer, there's a lot of times we want to look like we honor people and we do a little image management and we want people to think we're more holy, more godly, more sacrificial, more loving and more caring than we really are. But I'm not talking about that.

That's the sophisticated games that Christians play, of which we are all guilty. I'm talking about in your heart of hearts, you know you deserve credit and you put someone else out ahead. I'm talking about in your heart of hearts, you really wanted something.

Instead, you step back and let someone else get what you really wanted. Let me ask you, this will let you know how your honoring is of other people. Question number one, do you compliment others sincerely? Do you find yourself affirming people on a regular basis or do you find that you're pretty critical? Second question, do you enjoy the success of others? I mean in your heart of hearts, I mean when bang, they do something great. Is there something that wells up inside that says, wow, god, that is so great. Or do you smile on the outside, oh, we're so happy for you and go, boy, how come that's not happened to me? Third, can you let others be the center of attention? Demonstrated by consistently not interrupting them when they're talking.

He has ears to hear, let them hear Chip. Four, can you allow others to get credit even when you had a major role? Or do you slip in, oh man, that was great, it was so neat what happened and that was fantastic. They really used my idea well. Yeah, they pulled it off. Of course, they couldn't without me. It was my idea. Did you hear the part about it was my idea?

I just want to make sure you got that part. It's funny how we are, isn't it? Fifth, do you feel bad, slighted, hurt, or angry when your work or service goes unnoticed? See, these questions cut through the facade of simply doing good as a Christian, of being involved as a Christian, or acting Christianly and they cut through to the heart. They cut to your motives and my motives to genuinely honor other people the way Jesus did his disciples is the acid test of your love for him. Now, if you need a little motivation, I'm not going to develop it, but I've given you a little Bible study to go.

What happens when you honor others? Let me just summarize that there's a paradox you need to understand because there's part of you that I hope you're at this point thinking, I want that. I want that.

I want to be that kind of person, but about three weeks from now or two hours from now, it's like, it's hard to do this. So what I want to do is I want to give you the results. I want to give you the big picture.

I want to take the lens and let it go all the way out to the end and show you what happens when you live this way. So you can be motivated to do this day in and day out when it hurts your feelings when you're unnoticed. It does mine. It hurts your feelings when someone else gets the credit. It does mine. It hurts your feelings when, you know, it seems like everyone else is getting the strokes and you don't.

It does mine. That's the human side. We struggle with it.

But notice the rewards. The great paradox of Philippians 2, 9-11, I won't read it, but let me tell you what God did. We already read about how he humbled himself. It says, Therefore God highly exalted him and gave him a name above every name, that at the name of Jesus every tongue will confess and every knee will bow in heaven and earth and under the earth. God will honor those who honor others. In fact, in Matthew 23, I'll let you study that one on your own. He talks about how religious leaders of that day in verses 5-7 sought for honor. And then verses 8-11, he says, Don't you do that, followers.

And then verse 12, it's classic. He says, The greatest among you will be the servant. Here's this awesome promise of reward. And those of us who humble themselves will be what? Exalted. You will be exalted.

I sat in the room with a man 71 years old who's dying. He is exalted because he's honored God. And the things that money can't buy, he is wealthy beyond measure in.

And it didn't happen yesterday. It's been a lifetime. I'd encourage you to follow along as I read a classic prayer by St. Francis. And as I read it, I encourage you to make it your own. Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light.

And where there is sadness, joy. O divine master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console. To be understood as to understand. To be loved as to love. Now get the divine paradigm.

Here it is. For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

And it's in dying that we're born again to eternal life. Many, many relationships start well. Few end well. But those who habitually honor other people, their mates, their families, their parents, their co-workers, fellow church members, their neighbors, they build friendships that are deep, intimate, authentic, and they last a lifetime. My challenge, my challenge is to take this package of the one and others and make the litmus test of your life if you're honoring others by the grace of God. And decide about where you park, about where you eat, about what you say, about what you do with your time, about what you do with your money, about what you do with your spiritual gifts, and decide I'm going to honor others. And the day will come where not only will relationships be deep, God will honor you beyond your wildest imagination, because He promised it.

I think in God's eyes that's what it means to be a winner. Father, we would tell you that these words cut against our natural tendencies of the me and the my and the mine and the meism. We confess to you honestly that we want to appear holy, we want to appear godly, we want to appear sacrificial, we want to appear loving, but we don't want the price.

We just tell you that openly. But we thank you that by the grace of the Lord Jesus, His shed blood on the cross, His resurrection, and His spirit dwelling in every single one of us as believers, that it can happen. Starting afresh, starting new today, we pray you will teach us in daily practice and in our thoughts to honor others above ourselves.

And we'll leave the results to you. Amen. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and the message you just heard, how to build friendships that last a lifetime, is from our series Love One Another. Chip will join us in studio to share some insights from today's talk in just a minute.

Jesus said that the greatest commandments were to love God and love your neighbor as yourself. Through this teaching, Chip explored the heart of the Christian faith, expressed in how we love one another. He shared how to create meaningful friendships where we motivate, care for, encourage, and gently speak the truth to each other. We pray that this series will slowly transform your relationships, homes, and communities.

Let me encourage you to go back and revisit any part of this series at LivingOnTheEdge.org or through the Chip Ingram app. Well, I'm joined in studio now by Chip, and Chip, one of the biggest groups closest to your heart is pastors. And over the last several years, God has really impressed on you the vital job of ministering to these church leaders. Because, you know, many don't know that pastors worldwide are struggling and discouraged. And as a ministry, we've embraced this calling to encourage and support them. So take a minute, if you would, and share with our listeners a little bit more about that.

Well, Dave, first and foremost, you're right. I love pastors. One, because I know how hard it is. And two, because healthy pastors grow healthy churches, and healthy churches transform communities. And with pastors, two things I do a lot with pastors. Number one, in their own personal life, help them really make it a priority to walk with God, take care of relationships with their family. And then number two, if you want the church to grow, and when I say grow, I mean grow deep in character, grow wide in terms of numerical growth where people are coming to Christ, and grow in terms of having an impact in your community in reaching needs. One of the top two things that churches that do that do is they teach every single person in the church what their spiritual gifts are.

I mean, it's intentional. There's a path. There's a class. Everyone in the church discovers, this is how God made me.

This is where I fit in the body. Now they have this joy and focus about where to serve. When churches get that, I mean things rock. So one of the resources I use is a little book called Your Divine Design, where I identify every gift in the New Testament, tell what it is, talk about how you discover what yours is, and how to put it into practice. And so if you would like to help your pastor see your church grow deep, grow wide, and make a difference in the community, let me encourage you, get a copy of Your Divine Design.

And Dave, we're doing something really special this month, aren't we? To get it in the hands of as many people as possible. So could you tell people how they can get a copy?

Absolutely, Chip. When you give a gift to Living on the Edge, we'll send you a copy of this book as our way of saying thanks. But this isn't just about getting a resource. When you join us, you're making an eternal investment in the lives of pastors around the globe. You're going with us to equip and inspire church leaders who desperately need hope. To learn how to become a financial partner, go to livingontheedge.org or call us at 888-333-6003. That's 888-333-6003.

Or visit livingontheedge.org. App listeners tap donate. And thanks in advance for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do. Well, with that, here's Chip to share a few final words for us to think about. As we come to the end of this series, Love One Another, what is it that's really big on God's heart? To sum it up in a word, it's relationships. It's not activity. It's not reading the Bible. It's not going to church. It's not ministries. It's not buildings. What's most important to God is people and relationships.

It's number one with Him. Jesus didn't die for buildings. He didn't die for ministries.

He died for people. And you don't love groups. You love one person at a time. By this the world will know that you're my disciples if you love one another. And loving one another means encouraging and admonishing and accepting and restoring the wounded. It means taking difficult people and saying, yeah, I don't want to be around them, but by the grace of God I'm going to love them. It means being open and being vulnerable. It means shooting it straight. It means when we blow it, we own it and we take sin seriously. And we say as a group, we're going to be pure. It means being the church. It means taking very seriously what Jesus said.

There's a lot at stake, and these one another passages were given to us in the New Testament to teach us how to love. It doesn't come naturally. It's not easy. You can't do it on your own. And this series wasn't meant to help you try harder.

It's so you could learn to trust more, to begin to allow Christ in you by the grace of God and the Holy Spirit empowering you to treat other people in the same way Jesus would if He lived inside your body and was relating to them day after day. And the truth is He does. As we close this series, I have a little challenge. It's actually a dream. I don't know if many people take me up on it, but I mean, it's a dream in my heart. My dream is that thousands and thousands of people all over America would order this series and get in living rooms and study these one another passages and say, we're going to practice this. We're going to love one another. We're going to do it God's way. And then watch the power of God be unleashed in your small group and in your church and in your ministry or among a group of believers that work together in a company. Would you take me up on my challenge? Would you get this series, put it into practice and make a huge difference in your world?

Because what did Jesus say? They will know you by your love. Great way to wrap up this series, Chip. Thanks. Well, before we go, our mission at Living on the Edge is to help Christians live like Christians. And one of the best ways we can continue to do that is through programs like this. So when you hear a message that helps you pass it on to someone in your life, you can easily do that through the Chip Ingram app or by forwarding them the free MP3s you'll find at livingontheedge.org. And don't forget to tell them how it made a difference in your life. Well, thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. I'm Dave Druey, and I hope you'll join us again next time.