Love Sex and Lasting Relationships - Wake Up World! There's a Better Way to Do Relationships, Part 1

Do you long for a deep, rich, I mean, intimate relationship with a person of the opposite sex that would actually last a lifetime? I mean, that's God's plan. That's God's will. But talk about something hard to navigate in our day. Well, today I'm going to share with you how that can be your future. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians through the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. We're nearing the end of our study in Ephesians Chapter 5, and I pray Chip's teaching has challenged you to follow God's design for love, sex, and lasting relationships instead of what the world offers. And to help others learn from this series as you have, take a minute after this message and share it with someone.

You can do that through the Chip Ingram app or by sending them the free MP3s that you'll find at livingontheedge.org. And thanks for spreading the word about how series like this impact you. Okay, here now is Chip with his talk, Wake Up World, There's a Better Way to Do Relationships. I want to share a experience I had. I just call it a night that I'll never forget. And it was one of those that changed the course of my life in this whole area of love and sex and lasting relationships.

Let me try and picture it. You know, we all have a handful of memories where it's literally like etched in the back of your brain. And when you think of it, you don't even have to try and remember it. The images are so clear because it was profound. I was a sophomore in college. I'd been a Christian about two years. I'd begin to read the Bible in the mornings and I got in the Bible study with some guys. I actually saw God radically change my life. And yet the biggest war raging in me was I knew God wanted me to be sexually pure and I certainly didn't grow up thinking pure thoughts or viewing the other sex in appropriate ways. And so after two years of walking with God, I was just in this midst of this battle. And it was many of the kind of things I've heard from you.

I've had people all over after every service, an hour or more, and just tell me, you know, I really want to live that way. I really get it. I understand.

But you just don't understand. I'm trying as hard as I can. I fail. I fail. I fail.

I try not to log on or I know I'm not supposed to and I don't want to go to this, but I just do it. And that's where I was living. And this couple didn't know it, but it's a little small college I went to and maybe three to five thousand students. Up in the mountains you would drive about a half hour and then you would come to a clearing and you would see on this huge plateau this beautiful college like out of a storybook. And a small little town, the college had one, when I say small, there was a little red church, a little white church, two bars, and one gas station.

And the gas station was only open for, you know, like a few hours a day. And so I mean you were kind of stuck up on this little place and so getting a home cooked meal was like awesome and very rare. And there was this young couple, looking back they were young, they were kind of old at the time, because I was like 19, maybe 20. And they said at church, you know I started where I started going to church, which was really new for me, and they said would you like to come over for dinner? I mean the answer is of course.

And I mean cafeteria food or home cooked meal. And so I got my little green Volkswagen and I drove about seven or eight miles, took about 20 minutes because in West Virginia all the roads are like this. And then I came over a hill and there was their little house and literally, those of you that can remember or even know who Norman Rockwell is, it's just like a snapshot, a picture of a Norman Rockwell.

There's a little barn that needs some paint, a little white, you know, farmhouse, a little gravel driveway, you know, I pull up and I sit down. And then I walk into this couple that at the time I thought were kind of old, they were late 20s, early 30s. And you know I thought, what could they ever know? And so we come in and I didn't think about it at the time, but they were probably pretty poor, he was actually a farmer and doing a couple little odd jobs and there hadn't been a lot of rain. But everything we ate was cooked right out of their place and so we came in and as we came in there was, I noticed there weren't doors so I guess they didn't have a lot of money. And they had like a line and sheets that they made for curtains and that's how they would sort of open and close for a little bit of privacy. It was a very small little farmhouse. And then you go into the kitchen and some of you can remember, remember the aluminum type legs and sort of the tables with the plastic tops with the floral patterns? I mean that was it. I mean it was just like retro, retro.

If you could get it now it would be super cool and probably worth a lot of money on eBay. And so I sat down, you know my elbows got kind of sticky and I took them off and so Dave and Lanny and they had a four year old and a two year old. And they were just a little bit ahead of me. They'd been a Christian about three and a half years, me for about two, and they were just beginning this journey. And you know we sat down and you know we had, she cooked a great meal and you know they don't know I've got this battle inside and I feel like you know everything fun God says no to. And Jesus loves me and he changed my life but you know if we could just renegotiate the Bible to like how about seven commands?

Or even eight? But there were like two that were like are you kidding me God? You gave me hormones. Certainly don't expect me to. And he said certainly I do.

And so I always felt like God was on this side and I was on this side and there was this big barrier and there were these things I was supposed to do and no matter how hard I tried I always failed. And in the midst of that I'm sitting at this table with this older couple who I think probably don't know much about relationships by now. And I notice how she looks at him and I notice how he kind of helps out and picks up the dishes and as we're talking and we talked about everything. And I noticed that I kind of reached over and sort of held hands and you could see this energy between him and I thought like wow like maybe married people still you know really like each other. And all I can tell you there was sort of like a beauty in this little home and these two little kids and then they said excuse me dinner was done and we picked up the plates and we're learning something and we're trying this out with our kids.

And so would you mind just waiting here we'll be back and you know be back. They went like 10 feet and then they opened the little you know sheet and there was one twin bed that both kids slept in. Little kids and Dave got down and then Lenny got down and then a four year old and a two year old.

I mean it's like Norman Rockwell again. And they all folded their hands and Dave just told a very brief kind of story about Jesus and then the mom folded each of the little kids hands and then Dave prayed and then the mom prayed. And then I don't know if you've ever I mean if you've not I didn't grow up as a Christian I never even opened the Bible but when you hear like a four year old dear Jesus. Thank you for my mommy and my daddy and thank you for this man who came to our house and thank you for loving us and then the two year old was like blah blah blah blah blah blah Jesus amen.

And, and you know it's not like I'm trying to eavesdrop but I mean there's only a sheet between us right. And then they came in and here's what I'm going to tell you something happened. I just it was like you know you grow up with dreams and I was a young man with dreams and I thought someday some way I'd like to get married and someday some way I'd like to find someone that. I mean was kind of like the way this couple got along and then someday some way I mean I'd like to have some kids and it was just like God gave me a snapshot but it was like a short little movie and then after I saw that something inside was like. I couldn't even verbalize it at first God that's what I want someday. And then they came back in and of course she made homemade apple pie a la mode and we drank coffee and you know we talked and all I could think of was these people don't have anything. And they've got everything. They don't have anything that they got they got everything that I really want.

And I'm going up on that campus and you know with the basketball team evaluating girls and feeling guilty and when I even get my behavior right then my thought life is in the trash can and. And I remember I got my little Volkswagen and I'm driving and I thought you know I'm just going to have a talk with God, I was learning I learned you could pray with your eyes open I didn't know that I learned you could talk into him anywhere I didn't know that either. I'm trying out all kind of new stuff so I'm in my little Volkswagen. God that's what I want. Okay, I just want you to know what I just saw that's what I really want.

And I didn't know anything about the Holy Spirit, I didn't know how he worked and I didn't know how he brings thoughts to your mind that is not an audible voice but as clear as I could ever hear anything from God. I heard in the most gentle voice Chip that's what I want to give you. That's what I want to give you. That's a picture of love and sex and lasting relationships. And Chip you think all these barriers about no sex before marriage and barriers about not living together and barriers about you know what you watch and what kind of movies and what you read and you know how you look at a woman or do you really think like all those are like prohibitions to keep you from something good? Chip what I want you to know is those are the boundaries that all the exploiting and hurting and negative and pain and disappointment and feeling used and shame. I don't want you to have any of that. I want you to get what you saw. And do you think it's an accident?

Do you think that people just walk up to a random college student and ask them over for dinner? Don't you understand? I orchestrated this.

This was my gift to you. I know you're trying hard and failing. Will power doesn't bring about sexual purity. Where there is no vision the people perish but happy or blessed are those who keep the law.

Where there is no revelation the actual Hebrew word it's translated vision but it's where there isn't a revelation a truth or a word from God the people go unrestrained. If we don't have a clear vivid picture of God's way and the beauty of it and what he wants for us then what we do is we try our own way to get those needs met. We all have a need for love. We all have a need for sex.

We all have a need to be connected. And if there is no revelation if there's not truth from God and we don't see the beauty of it we try and do it our own way. And the writer of Proverbs would say there's a there's a way that seems right to a man but it ends in death. And that's how most people do love. That's how most people do sex.

And that's how most people's relationships don't last. And what I want to tell you is when there is revelation when there is a picture the reason this changed my life is something that happened after I had this talk with God. Thanks for listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

We'll return you to Chip's message in just a minute. But let me quickly share with you God has called us to do incredible ministry work all around the world. And when you partner with us financially you're part of what we do. So if you'd like to join us go to livingonthedge.org. We appreciate whatever God leads you to give.

Well with that here's Chip. I still remember coming onto the campus and I lived in this dorm way down this hill and it was a super steep hill. Because I always remember you had to downshift to my little you know Volkswagen. And I got right in the middle and I can I could tell you to this day this is where I stopped and I heard God's voice. Now I just started memorizing scripture so I didn't know the Holy Spirit did this at all. I didn't know that when you memorize scripture he can bring answers to your prayer anytime because it's in your heart. And so as I'm coming down and I'm wrestling with I don't know if I can buy all that and God I really want it. But Romans 8 32 came to my mind vividly powerfully.

He that spared not his own son but gave him up for us all. How will he not freely give us all things? And it was one of those I'm a pretty logical guy so it's like Chip I took you there there's the picture that's what you can have. All the barriers are to protect you so you get that not to keep you from something good. And if I gave my son for you to demonstrate how much I love you why would I withhold any good thing? And here's what I want to tell you all my self effort in my thought life all my self effort on dates all my self effort to be sexually pure failed. When I saw that picture and it was God wants to give me that I began to read the Bible with new eyes. I began to look girls in the eyes instead of other places. I began to make pre-decisions about dates I decided the kind of girl I would date and who I wouldn't date. It was a revolution happened in my heart and it didn't happen because I was trying really hard to be sexually pure. It happened because I got a picture from God about the beauty and the goodness and the plan that he has for every one of you and me. Because if you take that verse and flip it around where there is revelation where there is a word from God.

Where there is a clear picture of his goodness and his love and his beauty and what he wants for you. Guess what you'll be restrained because all of us are willing to have some delayed gratification for something great. If I told you all you know everybody here if I told you okay today if you really I mean you need a thousand dollars. You need a thousand dollars. You need a thousand dollars. I will give you a thousand dollars when you walk out the door. If you will wait one year I'll give you a hundred thousand. Who's signing up for the thousand?

Oh no takers. And the motivation wouldn't be oh I have to wait for a year. I have to wait for a year.

I have to wait for a year. The motivation would be a thousand versus a hundred thousand. This is like easy math right?

You would be highly motivated and arrange your life and you would probably be on time and get here next year exactly this time. As I'm passing out hundred thousand dollars to everybody right? That's what God's saying except he says it's way more than a hundred thousand. He's saying I got something precious for you but here's the deal my way. That's what wisdom is my way. With that open your notes if you will and I want to dig in a little bit because I want you to see why sex is such serious business. It's so serious because actually the issue with sex and spirituality the issue is worship. So who are you going to worship? When you do it God's way you're saying God I trust you I want to worship you. Sex is a sacred gift. When I do it my way I say sex is really about me and what I want and I worship me. And so we've learned if you have your Bible open to Ephesians 5 will you?

Or your phone whatever you use. And I just want to give you sort of a runway especially for those that may be just joining us. Ephesians 5 is talking about relationships and verses 1 and 2 says be imitators of God remember that command and walk in love. And then verses 3 through 6 say well how do you walk in love?

Well you walk in love first by being generous and kind and loving and other centered. But then the opposite is don't let any immorality or impurity or greed be even named among you or any course jesting or joking. There's six different words that talk about sexual impurity in our thinking, our words and our behavior. But rather the giving of thanks. And then it gives us the reason in verses 7 through 10 because there's consequences. God loves you and me so much that when we violate those boundaries like every good parent he brings about the discipline and the consequences so that he says I want you to get the best.

And if you keep making bad decisions I'm going to bring some consequences to get your attention so you say I really don't want to do that. Now we pick it up in the crescendo of this passage. There's a command in verse 11 do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness but instead expose them. Circle the word participation and underline the word expose.

Participation is that same word that we saw. Don't associate with, don't be connected to, don't get near. I mean it's like I want you to be separate. I want you to be separate from those things, not necessarily those people. We're to love people but there's certain things in certain places that the whole context is sexuality.

And then he says the unfruitful deeds of darkness but even expose them. The word expose means to reveal, to make clear, to convince, literally to rebuke. Our abstinence isn't enough.

Simply refraining from sexual impurity is not enough. He's saying I want you to model love and authentic relationships that are sexually pure in such a way that the world around you would be exposed. What Dave and Lanny did to me is they exposed me. They exposed me.

I was brainwashed to believe how many girls could I date and this is what you do and this is what I want and it was all about worshipping me. And then I got into a room and I saw what love looked like in little children and the best use of this, it was wholesome. It was holy. It was beautiful. It was rich. It was deep.

And when I was in the light of that relationship, what it exposed was me. And that's what God calls us to do. And then he gives us the reason for it's disgraceful even to speak of these things which are done by them in secret. This is Ephesus. There's temples and male prostitutes and female prostitutes.

It's a wild, crazy place. He says you need to expose the darkness by living this new kind of life. And he says here's the challenge. You're supposed to do it but don't even speak about these things.

Because sexual immorality violates God's holy character and his positive intent for his creatures. So he says we're to expose them but I have a little problem. He says if I'm not even to speak of these things, how do you expose things? Without words. Notice he's going to tell us the explanation. But all things become visible when they're exposed.

Underline that, it's the exact same word. All things become visible. The moment light enters, they become visible. And when it says visible, it means you see them for what they are.

By the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. I remember my dad was a science teacher and he would do these experiments and he would take these little petri dishes and put a few little things in it and then they would put them in the dark for his students. And then you'd bring out the little petri dish when it's been in the dark and then what would happen?

Ahead of all these growths. And then what he would show them is okay, now here's what we're going to do. He would take the lid off and he would expose the bacteria or the things that have grown in the petri dish to the light. Guess what happened? Bam, it's gone. Light exposes things. Certain things, the moment it's brought into the light, bam, it's gone.

It's exposed. And he says that is our calling. In this passage, he's talked about you and I living sexually pure lives in our thinking, in our lips, in our behavior, in our practices, and in our relationships.

Now he's saying I want you to go to the next level. I want you to live in such loving, authentic, sexually pure lives in every area that your life is illuminating people like Chip when he was in college. I want you to have the kind of relationships and love and beauty so that when people are around you and they hear you talk about relationships and they see what you do with your friends and what your marriage looks like, it would expose.

Without even saying a word, it would expose. In fact, for this reason it says, and he's quoting a hymn that the early church used, Awake and sleep and rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you. This passage teaches on the bottom I put a summary for you and me. Just as light silently reveals all things for what they really are, so it is when God's people, here's the key word, model purity and love in relationships, they expose sexual immorality for what it is, lustful, destructive, self-worship. And I know there's needs and hurts and strengths and temptation, but here's what I want you to know. When ordinary people at your work and people where you hang out to do your hobbies or work out or when neighbors get together, here's what I want you to get. This is what this passage is teaching because God is calling us to a second sexual revolution. This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've been listening to part one of Chip's message, Wake Up World, There's a Better Way to Do Relationships, from our series Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships.

Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about. The pursuit of true love is everywhere we look. It's overly romanticized in the movies and TV shows we watch, the books we read, and the songs we listen to. In this study in Ephesians chapter 5, Chip's going to expose the love we see in culture as a mirage of the real thing. Stay with us as we uncover God's design for finding, staying, and growing in a genuine love that can last a lifetime. To learn more about this series or our resources, visit LivingOnTheEdge.org. That's LivingOnTheEdge.org. Well, before we go any further, Chip's with me in studio to share a quick word. Chip?

Thanks so much, Dave. I'll be right back in just a minute, but before I do, let me ask you a question. Have you ever helped a believer in China or Singapore or maybe Indonesia really grow in their faith or dealt with some of their problems? Or maybe have you sat across the table from a pastor in Egypt or the Middle East and said, let me give you some resources to help you in your church?

Well, if you're a supporter of Living on the Edge, you've actually done that. So much of what we do is not only here in America, but God has opened unbelievable doors across the world. And as you support Living on the Edge financially and as you pray for us, you are actually a part of ministering to those people.

In fact, that's what the Bible says, because we are a body. And what I want you to know is that as that continues to expand, one of our greatest needs is for monthly partners. It's great to have people give, and we're so grateful. But it's the monthly partners that we can know that this amount of money is going to come in each month allows us to plan and strategize because the needs here and around the world are expanding like never before.

If you would like to become a monthly partner, could I encourage you to pray, ask God what he would have you do, and whether it's a small amount, a big amount, you just do what God asks you to do. And as you give monthly, I want you to know we're going to help fulfill the Great Commission together. Thanks so much for whatever you lead you to do.

Thanks, Chip. Well, as you've heard, God has called this ministry to help Christians live like Christians all around the world. So if you'd like to help us fulfill that mission, we'd love to have you join the team. Become a monthly partner today by going to LivingOnTheEdge.org or by calling 888-333-6003. That's 888-333-6003 or visit LivingOnTheEdge.org.

App listeners, tap donate. Well, Chip, today you talked very honestly about your journey to being sexually pure. You know, not many people would be so candid.

So why did you share so openly about your past struggles? Well, Dave, I shared that because I think my experience is pretty normal and all the warnings about just wait or, you know, you're going to get a sexually transmitted disease or AIDS or here's the psychological factors and there's all these statistics about, you know, you're going to have an affair later in life and your sexual satisfaction in marriage isn't going to be so good, on and on and on. And I know we need to hear the warnings, but what turned my heart was seeing a picture of what I could have. You know, I just saw this couple and I saw an intimacy and a love and a connection that what I knew from all the people having sex and my own struggles with lust that it doesn't take you there. And when I got that positive picture, when I saw what God wanted, when I saw it in flesh, when I saw a couple that like, wow, they were crazy about each other and they loved each other and these little kids, it's like the Holy Spirit was shouting to my heart, don't you realize that's what I want for you. And then I felt the Holy Spirit whisper, but there's a way to get there, Chip, and it's my way, not Hollywood's way. It's my path, not the world's path. And that picture gave me the strength to do what we've talked about, to have a game plan, to have a personal conviction, to say no to sexuality, whether it was on the internet or with a girl, it was that I'm going to be sexually pure because it's worth it, it pleases God, and what He has for me is so much better than all the second-rate sex that I see all around me. And so that's my heart.

What we need is a generation of young people who don't tell everyone what's so wrong, but model their purity and their love in a way that others would say, you know something, that's what I want. Great advice, Chip, thanks. Well, before we go, I want to remind you that the Chip Ingram app is an easy way to share messages or complete series with others. So whenever you're encouraged by what you hear, I hope you'll pass it along to a friend or loved one who'd benefit from hearing it. And be sure to tell them how it made a difference in your life. We'll listen in next time as Chip wraps up his series, Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships. Until then, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge. Music