Lift - How to Bring out the Very Best in Others, Part 2

Is there someone in your life that has tons of potential, but they just aren't quite living or picking up where Chip left off in our series, Lift the Awesome Power of Encouragement. Last time, he emphasized four keys to inspiring others. Well, in this program, he'll unpack those points further for us by showing us how the Apostle Paul modeled each one to the young church he was writing to.

So if you're ready, here's Chip with part two of his message, How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others, from First Thessalonians, Chapter Four. To bringing out the best in their life. The first one is you gotta motivate them. You gotta help them soar beyond their present horizon. Secondly, you have to teach them.

And we're gonna learn you have to teach them in the most strategic arena of their life. Third, then you have to affirm them. And you have to affirm them in the areas where they're making the most progress. And then finally, you have to correct them. Whenever their attitudes or their actions are thwarting the progress that God wants to offer. And you're gonna see here, the Apostle Paul, with I mean supernatural divine wisdom, takes this church in the center of a pagan, pagan culture.

And they've been growing for about 18 months, maybe two years. And he writes this letter, and he's gonna take people that are really making progress, and he's gonna take them to the next level. Because he's gonna model inspirational encouragement. As he motivates them, here's what he does.

You might want to jot this down in your notes if you have a pen. Motivate them to soar beyond their present horizons. That's what motivation is. Motivation isn't hype, not good motivation. Motivation is helping someone soar beyond their present horizon. So many of us can only see here.

Motivation helps you see who you can really become, and what you can really accomplish. And what we're gonna see is, see, Paul's not down on these people. They're in a culture much like ours. And he wants them to hear the truth, but he wants to hear it in grace. So three through five is the truth, six through eight he gives them grace.

So let's look at it. Verse four he says, what's this sexual immorality, what's it look like? It's that each of you should learn, the word means to habitually learn and make a practice in your life, learn to control his own body or vessel in a way that is holy and honorable.

He states it positively. He said every single believer and thessalonika and around the world, you should learn to get a hold of this human body and that you should operate in such a way in the sexual arena that it is holy and that is honorable. That means every thought that goes through your head, whether you're at the beach, which may not be a good place to keep those good thoughts, men, going through your head, or whether you're at a movie or whether you're in the office, is the thoughts that are in your head are pure, holy and honorable. It means that every relationship with the opposite sex is one where you don't feel guilty, you don't feel ashamed, you don't feel bad, you don't feel like you're violating, you know you can stand before God and know that whether you're married or single, that my relationships with the opposite sex are holy and honorable. Notice the negative side. He goes on to say, not by contrast and passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God.

And so he tells it like it is and he tells it with conviction. Why? Because God's a prude, because we're puritanical, because we haven't come out of the ice age?

No! It's because God cares so much. In verses six through eight he's going to give us three specific reasons why this is the smartest, most logical, beneficial thing for you and all the people you're trying to help. In verse six he's going to teach us that why is because it harms others. Sexual purity is crucial because when we're immoral it harms others. In verse seven he's going to say it's going to harm you.

End of seven he's going to say it's inconsistent with your high calling. I want to tell you God demands sexual purity because he cares so much about other people that you and me don't have the right to mess up the special time. I've never yet, in counseling all the couples over many, many years, I have yet to have one single couple say, oh Chip, Chip, we went on our honeymoon, I just can't believe it. We both saved ourselves and we just couldn't figure out how it worked.

But I'll tell you what, I've talked with people coming home from their honeymoon and they've told me privately I had the faces of different people in my mind. I know this was supposed to be a special day and instead I felt cheap and I felt dirty and I felt bad and I thought this was going to be so great. And I love this man with all my heart but sex isn't a good thing. See, God is not a prude. God is holy. And when he tells you something, he tells you because you matter to him and he doesn't want us to spoil it. Second reason is not only does it harm others but notice the next line, it will harm us. He goes on to say, the Lord will punish, the word is, he's an avenger, the Lord will avenge or punish men for all such sins as we've already told you and we've warned you. He's saying it compassionately, don't have sex outside of monogamous heterosexual relationship because there's a price tag, I'm just telling you.

God is holy, he's not going to change his character, he loves you, he will forgive you, he's merciful but people that have sex get AIDS. They get psychologically wounded. They damage future relationships. They ruin families. You know what, it's like gravity.

You don't have to believe this but once you jump off that fifth story building, the pain when you hit the pavement is about the same whether you believe in it or not. God is a holy just God and this command is to protect you. Notice the third compassionate reason, verse 7, for God did not call us to be impure but to live holy lives. He says it's just inconsistent. God is holy, how can you live an impure, unholy life because you're called, you're one of his. He wants you to reflect his love and his nature and his character and it would just be, I mean, how could you do it?

It's so inconsistent with your calling. And then notice verse 8, the summary. It says, therefore, he who rejects this instruction, what instruction, about sexual purity, it's a rejection of God who, notice present tense, gives you his holy spirit. And I'm sure Paul wasn't trying to change his theology as though you got the holy spirit in installments, present tense continually. When you trust Christ, you're sealed with the spirit, adopted to become in his family, you are his but this giving of the holy spirit, I think he's talking about experientially. You know what, when we sin against God, we grieve, we break God's heart. And in years and years and years of working with men and working with couples, my observation is until you and I get the area of sexual purity, consistently making progress and victory, you will not experience the peace of the holy spirit and you will not experience the power of the holy spirit and you will not experience spiritual fruitfulness. We had a guy in our church talk about three years as a growing Christian hooked on pornography, hating himself, feeling condemned, feeling torn inside, just struggling. And he said, you know, I knew Christ and a half hour later he's got a zeal to share his faith and he said, I felt like such a hypocrite trying to tell people about Christ after the trash that I just watched. There's a lot of people that aren't tasting and not experiencing a fraction of what God has for you. And I understand you live in a sex saturated culture, I understand.

Is it tough? Yeah. I mean, I used them all. I tried to negotiate at least one of the Ten Commandments out in my first two years as a Christian. I said, hey God, you know, I'd go nine for ten. Really? And I'll keep the other nine.

No negotiations. He loved me too much. At this point, there may be some of you that are saying, oh boy, might have been a good morning to sleep in. You know, like. I know in a group this size, there's some people that are addicted to soap operas, romance novels and pornography. I know in a group this size, some of you are involved in extramarital affairs.

I know in a group this size, some of you single people are living with someone else. You need to hear compassionately, but with conviction, what you're doing is wrong. What you're doing is sin.

And God loves you too much. And he's saying today, not tomorrow, not maybe. It's not like quitting smoking. You know, I get three packs and I get down to two and I get down to one. You know, this isn't one of those where you say, you know, I'm sleeping around three or four times a week. I'll cut back to two.

I'm really making progress. This isn't one of those. This is one where you say today, I'm going to break off the relationship. I won't see her or him again. I won't do it in person because you could do it in person.

You'll be right back into it. One phone call, one letter. That's it. I'm sorry. This means we're going to figure out how do we live apart.

And don't give me that. We can't afford to live separately. You can afford to live under the judgment of a holy God, but you can't afford to live separately. Go to your closest friends and say, hey, if you love one another and it's the right person for you, can I live with you for a while? We need to figure out how to court and get our lives pure and right so we can get married.

I don't know what you need to do. But you must take a drastic step. This is the kind of sin that Jesus said when he talked about sin. He said, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you to sin, poke it out.

Now, he didn't mean literally because you can sin with the other eye. He means be as drastic as you need to be to deal as radically as you need to, because it will eat you up. Let me give you three very specific ways to respond to this and grow and overcome it, because there's victory. First, get honest. Get honest. Of all the areas, boy, the first couple, three years of my Christian life, oh, man. And not that I don't still struggle, but not in the same way. I go out with some girl and do some things I knew that was wrong.

I think some things and be involved in some things and go some places. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.

And I felt dirty and cheap and guilty. Two days later. Oh, God, please forgive me. Take it away. Take it away. I'm just so sorry.

Four hours later. Oh, God, you know, it's driving me nuts. And I remember getting down, you know, thinking maybe if I kneel, maybe if I kneel, he'll hear me better. You know, oh, God, you know, and I'm kneeling, I'm praying, you know, the same whining prayer about deliver me from my sexual sin and my lust and going over boundaries with girls that I know are wrong.

And I didn't have a mystical experience and I don't think it was an audible voice from God, but I heard the Spirit's prompting is clear. Hey, Chip. Hey, Chip. You don't want to quit. Hey, get real, Chip. It's not that you what you don't like is the guilt and the consequences, but you not only don't want to quit, you like this sin, Ingram.

In fact, you really dig it. In fact, you're getting addicted to it. Now, let me tell you something, Chip.

The moment you get honest and you really want help, I'll help you. But let's not play games. Let's not pray prayers.

Oh, God, God, get honest, ruthlessly honest. The 12 step people have much to teach us here. Get to the point where you realize, hey, I can't do this.

And that's step two. Get honest and get desperate or broken. Get desperate. I mean, willpower does not have the power to deliver you from sexual sin. You can't overcome pornography or lust or romance novels or cut off an affair by, OK, I'm going to do it.

You can't do it. It's too strong. But when you get desperate and say, oh, God, I remember I got the point, I said, God, I can't lick this.

And I could almost sense heaven say, oh, great, we're finally on the same page. I knew you couldn't lick this. But when you get desperate and admit you can't do it, then you say willpower? No. Grace. God, give me grace. Give me power. Give me strength. He'll give it to you. Get help is number three.

I don't believe you're designed to do this on your own. Our friend in the men's breakfast talked about first sharing his pornography problem straight up with his wife. And they began to pray about it as a couple. See, what happens is he's humbling himself, isn't he? When you humble yourself, what do you get? Grace. Grace always flows towards humility.

God is always opposed to the proud biblical axiom. And then after that, he got together with three, four. I mean, key guys. And he said, I just put it on the table and said, guys, this is where I'm at. And he said 50 percent of the struggle was gone when I got honest with a group of other men. And he says, now they keep me accountable. He actually went very, you talk about cutting off your hand.

He changed jobs. He said, I'm not traveling anymore. I decide I won't turn it on. I won't do this.

It's an addiction. I'm not going to travel anymore. He switched jobs. What do you need to do? What do you need to do? Don't leave here feeling like the big heavy hand of God has come upon me. Hopefully that's happened if you're in sexual sin, because it's big and it's heavy, because you matter so much.

He loves you so much. He doesn't want those consequences for you. And you know what? It's not like you're enhancing his reputation. You know, when you've got those issues and then you tell someone about Christ or tell them where you go to church, guess what their opinion is?

Yeah, that's what I thought Christians were like. There's a lot at stake. I encourage you before you walk out the doors today, determine what you will do before the creator of the universe about being sexually pure and clean. And you can leave forgiven, restored and get tied in with others to help you gain victory.

We're all in this boat together. Moving on, you motivate, you teach. Now notice he affirms them. And by the way, you need to hear this. He affirms them where?

At the point of their greatest progress. And what I love too is that we don't often think about how could you talk about people struggling with sexual purity and then affirm them? Yeah. Yeah, because you know what? Sexual purity isn't the worst sin in the whole world.

It's not a good one. And there's great consequences. But you know, I've got a good, good friend who's discipling a gal right now. And boy, she comes from just a pagan, pagan background. And she's really starting to grow spiritually. And she's in the Bible and she's growing.

And it just came out here after quite a time. She says, you know, I'm starting to get the feeling that God may not want my boyfriend and I to live together. Praise God. You know, we're in journey.

We're in process. So look what he says. He says now about brotherly love. We don't need to write you for you yourselves have been taught by God how to love each other.

And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you brothers do so more and more. Do you get this right after, by the way, affirmation is an excellent thing to give right after you've had to do a hard teaching. Notice also that affirmation needs to be specific. He didn't say, yeah, you're a nice church and I hear some good reports.

He takes the most valued behavior and their point of greatest progress. And he specifically says, you are loving. Well, man, am I proud of you.

Your love is awesome. Way to go, Thessalonians. Wouldn't it be good to hear that after someone just busted you right between the eyes spiritually and you realize, wow, I mean, I'm not even on first base sexually in terms of purity in my life as a Thessalonian. But, you know, God's working in my whole life and I'm going to deal with that.

But that doesn't mean God doesn't care. And it doesn't mean Paul's down on me. It means he wants me to be the man or the woman for God's glory and my good.

That I can be affirmation that is followed by correction. And as we move to this last little section, this grows out of a misinterpretation and miscommunication, possibly of some teaching the apostle Paul did on the end times on the return of Christ. And he taught Jesus is coming back. Jesus is coming back just as he ascended.

So he'll return. Well, what happened is at least part of the group heard this and thought to themselves, you know, it could be today. Well, that's right.

It could be tomorrow. And then they looked around and thought, boy, this is a loving church. I mean, whenever you have a need, people just step up and take care of you need a meal to give you a meal. And so a certain group that was starting to grow said, you know what? There's no use going to work today because Jesus may be back and I want to be kind of ready.

And why go to work when all these other loving Christians can take care of me? But notice how correction comes after affirmation. By the way, that's a good way to do it. You need to affirm, encourage, and then correction needs to be.

Do you remember? You need to correct any attitude or action that is thwarting their spiritual progress. That means there's a lot of things you don't correct. Parents?

Chip? That means there's a lot of things that, you know, it's really not that big a deal. It just bugs you. But if it's an attitude or an action that is thwarting their progress, then you correct. And when you correct, how do you do it? Do it after you affirm them.

How do you do it? You do it practically, positively, and specifically. Paul's correction is be responsible, make an impact. He could have said, hey man, what's the deal? Bunch of loafers, bunch of slackers, you've not gone to work, you've misinterpreted what I've said.

Man, I'm up to here with you guys. Get a job. Now that would have been true. That would have been true. But that's not how he did it. Notice how positively he does it. He says, verse 11, make it your ambition to do three things. Lead a quiet life, two, to mind your own business, and three, to work with your hands.

He's not highly esteemed in that day. Just as we told you. So he's reminding them. Now the first little thing here about their ambition, leading a quiet life doesn't mean that they shouldn't talk anymore.

The opposite, or antonym, of this word is the restlessness that grows out of selfish ambition. So he says, it's not quiet like, don't say anything, it's quiet in terms of get your life focused on God's agenda instead of this restlessness that comes in trying to fulfill your own all the time. Secondly, he says, mind your own business. And that doesn't mean that you don't talk to other people and help them out. It says, hey, basically, pay your own bills, take care of your own house, get your own life under control, and third, he gives them a practical way to do it. Get a job.

And not just the jobs that you think are up here or there. He gives great dignity to working with your hands. Now why?

Why does he do that? He says there's two reasons. In order that, or so that, our daily life may win the respect of outsiders. Our testimony's on the line. And so that you will not be dependent on anyone. Hey, don't suck the life out of the group of the church.

Get a job, support yourself. And, you know what, people who don't show up, people who don't work, people that are idle, that's not a good testimony. And so you see this inspirational encourager, the apostle Paul. And he sees this group like a diamond in the rough. And he sees them in this black pagan culture, and he motivates them, and he helps them see beyond their horizons.

And then he teaches or instructs them in their most strategic area of need. And then he affirms them in their area of greatest progress, and then finally he corrects them. Wouldn't it be great to be the person that someday someone in a small group or across the coffee table or in a restaurant in casual conversation would say your name, and then behind it say, they're the ones that made the big difference in my life. I wouldn't be here today without them. I had a big decision about such and such or such and such, and they told me the truth.

I didn't like it at first, but they cared enough to correct me. They helped me see things I never dreamed I could do, and now I'm not only doing them, but I'm good at them. Wouldn't it be great, and it's possible, if we would become inspirational encouragers. As you flip to the back page, I think there's an order that's important, and the order is that you need to motivate before you instruct.

People don't want to learn until they see the vision. Next, we need to instruct before we affirm. You want to affirm the teaching and the behavior when they respond to the Lord and to Scripture. Third, we must affirm before we correct. People need to know they're loved.

Kind of the trust needs to go in before the truth goes on. And then finally, we need to correct with the motivation in view. Ultimately, where did Paul? He started with you live lives pleasing to God, and he ended with live a life so that your daily life would be a testimony to others, what? That you're pleasing God. What a thought today that every person in this room, by the grace of the Lord Jesus, can please the eternal God of the universe.

Two questions before you leave. Who's the person that you could be a mentor to who needs your inspiration? And for some of you, who's the person you would like to be like that you might ask this week to help you grow?

Even if they can only meet once a month with you, to ask them, would you help motivate and teach and affirm and correct my life? And then finally, you can't impart what you don't possess. Where's God spoken to you today?

And for many, it's in that area of sexuality. Let's kind of bring it back you can't do for anyone else until God does something radical in you. So if you need to confess your sin, need to repent, need to get broken, you tell God you're sorry, do it right now.

Because a half hour from now, it will be foggy. And you'll have nine reasons why it's sort of okay. Right now in this room, the Spirit of God is working, and you know what's right, do it. Just take the first step and God will give you the grace to take the next three. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And the message you just heard, how to bring out the very best in others, is from our series, Lift the Awesome Power of Encouragement. Chip will be back to share some insights from today's talk in just a minute. Do you know someone who needs a spiritual shot in the arm?

Their circumstances have him feeling down and out, and you just want to come alongside and help? As Chip teaches from 1 Thessalonians, we'll learn how to do that through the influence of encouragement. Discover the practical ways to inspire and support others in their time of need, and how those selfless acts can strengthen your walk with God too. Learn more about this series or our resources through livingontheedge.org or the Chip Ingram app. Well, Chip's with me in studio now to share a quick but important word.

Before we go any farther in this program, I want to pause for just a minute. We've been talking about the power of encouragement. And I think there's a unique group of people that have a great need for encouragement, and they're getting lost. Women in particular. Young women are being bombarded today. We've never seen such anxiety, depression, and struggles among young women. But it's not just young women. It's older women as well who are being bombarded that as they grow older, or as life isn't turning out the way they thought, feel like they're useless.

What's their purpose? My wife went through a very challenging childhood, and then she went through some very, very difficult times where she felt unlovable and worthless, and like she's of no use to anyone. And then the Lord got a hold of her life. And out of that, some good counseling and some time together, she developed these affirmation cards. We've had a hard time keeping them in stock as people have read them over and began to replace the lies of the world with the truth of God, especially designed for women.

Out of that grew a real demand. Literally, a lady said, Teresa, you have to get this in a book form. And so we've created a very small, readable book in about an hour, hour and a half called Precious in His Sight, where she shares not only her story, but the process by which she began to see herself the way God sees her. If you know some women, young or old, that need encouragement, let me encourage you to get these resources. Dave, could you give them all the info about how they can get these resources?

Be glad to, Chip. To get either Teresa's book, Precious in His Sight, or a set of our affirmation cards, go to livingontheedge.org or call us at 888-333-6003. Both of these helpful tools are sure to encourage you in your walk with Jesus. And if you haven't thought of it already, this book or these cards would make great Mother's Day gifts. So to get them in time for that special woman in your life, place your order by May 1st. For complete details, call 888-333-6003 or visit livingontheedge.org. App listeners, tap Special Offers.

Well, with that, let's get to Chip's application for today. Webster says, Inspiration is to breathe life upon, to infuse, to stimulate, to impel to some creative or effective effort. He says it means to cause, to guide, to communicate, or motivate by a divine or supernatural influence. Now, what we've been examining together is a model of inspiration that comes right out of God's Word.

Paul loved the Thessalonians. He's writing this letter, and he gave them some good doctrine. But what we see here is four keys to inspiration.

And so as we close our time, let me give you the cliff notes on this, all right? You want to inspire someone. You want to help someone really reach their full potential. Number one, motivate them. Don't assume they're going to be motivated. Motivate them. Give them a shot in the arm. Appeal to the highest level of meaning and purpose. Say, you can do it, and set the bar high. Number two, teach them. So often we motivate, but we don't take the time to really teach people the what, the specifics of what they need to do, the skills they need to master in order to be successful. That takes time.

Don't skip that. Number three, affirm them. Every time you see people making progress, you need to literally jump up and down, give them a pat on the back, verbally affirm them. Your kids, your friends, people can reach their full potential, but they've got to believe that someone believes in them.

You can be that person. And number four, correct them. This is a tough one, but you need and I need to step in when they get off the mark, make it brief, be to the point, be specific, and correct them. And you follow these four keys of inspiration, moms and dads. I'll tell you what, your kids want to do what's good. Those people that you're discipling and helping, the Spirit of God dwells in, and most people are discouraged.

Most people don't have any confidence. So what do you do? Motivate, teach, affirm, and correct. Paul teaches us this little profile to inspire people. Now, you ready? Think about who it is you want to inspire and say, how am I going to motivate, how am I going to teach, how will I affirm, and when will I correct?

And you go for it and see if God doesn't show up. Thanks, Chip. And those points Chip just reviewed came right from his message notes, a great resource to help you get the most out of every program. It has Chip's outline, all of the scripture he references, and more. So before you listen again, why don't you give Chip's message notes a try? Now, you can download them at livingontheedge.org. Under the broadcasts tab, app listeners tap fill in notes. Well, from all of us here, I'm Dave Drouie, thanking you for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge. .