Keeping Love Alive - Volume 4 - An Intimate Relationship with Christ's Body, Part 1

Have you ever seen those big ropes that boats use to tie onto docks or to lower anchors?

They're durable and heavy, created to withstand incredible weight and strain. Today I want to talk about the important ropes that hold marriages together and make us stronger. Stay with me.

Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip's our Bible teacher for this daily discipleship program, Motivating Christians to Live Like Christians. Well, let me ask you, are you and your spouse struggling right now? Do you feel the stress of kids, work and life pressing down on your relationship? Well, if that's where your marriage is right now, then this message is for you. As Chip continues his series, Keeping Love Alive, Volume 4, he unpacks how every couple can find encouragement and support in their most desperate times. And be sure to listen in after the teaching as Chip shares a few insightful thoughts and points to a great resource that's sure to help strengthen your marriage.

Well, with all that said, here's Chip for his talk, An Intimate Relationship with Christ's Body. I'd like you to write something down and like you think about it seriously and like you think about it as regarding to your life. Someone told me this years ago, the answer to your biggest problem, current biggest problem is a gifted person. The answer to your biggest problem right now, whatever it is, is more often than not a gifted person. In the sovereignty of God, he has prepared someone and gifted someone to either give you the answer you need, the support that you need, the reproof that you need, the love that you need, the finances that you need, the direction you need, that's how it works.

The answer to what feels impossible that you can't figure out, God's answer almost always, more often than not, is a gifted person. We use a phrase but it's become a throwaway phrase, we are the body of Christ and we don't take that seriously. When there's someone who's poor or hurting, someone who's struggling, when you sit down and look them in the eye and help them, when there's orphans that you hear about and you write checks off the top, over and above everything because you care, you're the body of Christ. You are the living body of Christ.

You desperately need to be connected to other believers so that you can receive and give. So I was driving down the hill praying for you all and praying for me, I thought of this question to ask you, do you believe in the supernatural? I mean it's not that complicated of a question, so I mean if you believe in the resurrection, that's pretty supernatural, right? If you believe that you can pray to a God who's resurrected seated at the right hand of the Father and He actually answers prayer, that's pretty supernatural. If you believe, and you know we have all kind of different spectrums but I mean that when we would anoint someone with oil and in the sovereignty and province of God we pray for them, God will at times choose to supernaturally heal people's bodies, right?

So can I ask you a question? Why are some of you sitting here thinking that God could not supernaturally do something in you or supernaturally do something in your mate that could bring this thing together the way it needs to be? Have we just gotten to the point where we tried this, we tried that, he's not doing this, she's not doing that, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Wait a minute, could God intervene if two people with soft hearts came and said, I'll do whatever because we've tried our way. You're going to notice that you have to have a life-giving relationship with Christ to be the person and have the marriage that God longs for you to have. You need to have a healthy relationship with yourself, a love for yourself that's non-narcissistic and third, we're in part three, you need and I need an intimate relationship with Christ's body. Great marriages are characterized by close personal relationships with fellow believers that provide love, support, accountability, fun, and opportunities to minister and be ministered to by one another's gifts and resources. Great marriages have that. Translation, marriage is not a solo endeavor. We all need friends, mentors, and other couples to help us remain faithful to Christ and to one another.

We read it earlier in Romans 12, we belong to one another, we need one another. The principle, the seeds of a fruitful marriage require the soil of authentic community. The seeds, here's what some of you don't get, the experience you have right now are all the seeds you planted last year and the year before and the year before and the year before and the year before and they're all just growing up and some of them are growing up with really good fruit and some with some really ugly fruit but the seeds you start planting now, you never reap in the same season that you sow. If you start new patterns, start new habits, start to make changes, I mean, would you think a farmer would go, okay, someone said these seeds are really good, I put them in the ground, I put some dirt over them, there's a lot of sunshine, there's fertilizer and I water them. I come back in two days, see, they don't work. They just don't work.

Come back in a week, they don't work. Come back in two months, oh, it's just a little plant, doesn't work. But what would a farmer say?

Hmm, looks like it's right on time. Takes about four months for them to get up here and in the fall this happens and the bud happens and that's how life works. And so where and what are you going to sow? Because that's what you're going to reap.

The seeds of a fruitful marriage need the soil of authentic community and what I mean by authentic community is those kind of relationships that give you life, the kind that tell you the truth, the kind that you can have fun with, the kind that you laugh with and you laugh with in different ways than anyone else, the kind that you can just totally be you, the kind that privately you can share your deepest struggles and your deepest fears and they're with you and they're for you. If you don't have that, you will not make it. You'll medicate yourself, you'll run to escapes, you'll put up walls, you'll run and hide, you'll eat, you'll buy things, you'll drink too much.

We all have issues. God has a gifted person who's made to love and support you and you have been made not to just get but to give and in ways that I don't understand, according to Jesus, give and to be given unto you good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over back into your lap for whatever measure the size of what you give out to others so it'll be returned to you. Now I understand that when you've heard that verse in church, the pastor in many cases is going to talk about money and how money works.

It's Luke 6 38. Look it up. It's not a financial passage.

It's a kingdom passage. There's certain ways the world works and there's certain ways the kingdom works and it's just the opposite. When you're lonely and don't have a friend, go be a friend. When you're struggling and depressed, I have a little formula. Go get on the treadmill, get sweaty, get the endorphins going. Number two, I don't feel like it. Sing songs to Jesus and start thanking him whether you feel like it or not. And number three, find someone who has bigger problems than you and go help them right away. And guess what?

Bam. You break through. How do you develop relationships in the body of Christ that are really authentic, real community?

I'm going to suggest three things. Number one, an awareness of our need for others. The writer of the Hebrews writing to a group of people that were drifting. Man, they were on fire for God at one point. It's a mixed group of people and they're drifting and he's going to remind them of all the superiority of Christ than the law and the priests and all the rest, the whole Old Testament economy. And in chapter three, he tells them, but encourage one another daily as long as it's still called today so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. I memorized it in a slightly different translation but encourage one another day after day as long as it's called today, at least any one of you, be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

Well, how long is it called today? Every day you wake up in our flesh and in our humanity, we will drift and sin is deceitful and it starts with tiny little compromises and the tiny little compromises start to harden your heart. And then you harden your heart and then you're insensitive to the Holy Spirit and you're insensitive to the words and the life of others.

And over time then you just drift. And by the way, notice it says when you're deceived, when you're drifting, you're absolutely sure you're not. I'm good. Hey, I'm good. I'm okay.

I'm watching online. Everything's okay. And then when you do get with people that you've been close to in the past, you start to be superficial. And they ask some penetrating questions and there's little things you start to do privately that you know are not right and it grows and it grows. And then you start feeling this discrepancy between who you project and who you really are.

I've had just so many heartbreaking experiences. I remember a young family that had a radical conversion and three small kids and within eight or 10 years just became like the dream you would have. And as their kids hit the teenage years, a couple of them were really gifted athletically and pretty soon it was one traveling team that was another traveling team and then they were missing church quite a bit and they were leading a small group but then they didn't have time to do that. And it's just a season and one would be with their kids and pretty soon, soccer, soccer, soccer, soccer, soccer, soccer, soccer, soccer. And then I said, hey, man, bro, I mean, I love sports. I coached. And I think your priorities are a bit out of, oh, you just don't understand.

I think my son's going to get a scholarship and well, he might. I don't know where his kids are. He's not walking with God. The marriage didn't work out. They drifted. Life fell apart.

And he was convinced everything was okay. A young couple I was mentoring, I mean, started in a big ministry in our church, young, godly and the things were closed down. They watched online for a little while and they have some small kids. So it's hard. It was really hard.

I get it's really hard. And it was four months and it was six months and it was eight months. And then all of a sudden I saw values change. Then I saw some conflict in their marriage. And then I saw issues. I thought, oh, man. And drifting, they just didn't know it by God's grace. Man, he intervened.

And boy, they have plugged in and they're kind of restoring those habits around the table where you talk and you pray and you spend time with one another. No one's immune. No one's immune.

Not me, not you, not anyone. But if you don't have close relationships, if you don't absolutely know I need people, then you won't take the initiative. And it's never been easier to get isolated than right now, isn't it?

I mean, it's crazy. Part of my discouragement, I'll tell you, I've had a few times I got really, really down. And boy, I had to take some drastic measures to say I have to connect with some people, with some, in my case, some men that I can really share my heart and do life with. The second, do you have a real friend who will guard your heart in your life? I didn't ask if you're in a small group. I think it's important.

I didn't ask if you're watching online. I think that's important if you can't meet. Do you have a real friend? I mean, a real friend. Someone who loves you enough to accept you no matter what happens and someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth when they just care. Someone who make time, everybody's busy, they'll make time and you make time for them.

And I'm convinced that every man needs a couple of men like that in your life and every woman needs a couple of women like that. Second, to have those kind of relationships, notice the word was intimate relationships. What I wanted to get to is its connectedness. It's from the heart.

There's a process to follow. Romans chapter 12 in verses 9 through 13, I believe the apostle Paul actually gives clarity to what authentic community is. He says, let love be without hypocrisy, abhor what is evil, cling to what is good, be devoted to one another in brotherly love, give preference to one another in honor, not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.

I wish I could unpack all of that, but there's four very clear triads. And what he says in the first triad, let love be without hypocrisy, literally it's let love be without a mask. The word was used in the Greek culture for they would have Greek plays or theater and all the actors were male.

And you would learn to throw your voice and sound like a man or a woman, old or young, and they would wear a costume and they would have a mask and then would come out and they could hold the mask and be this person and then go back and change and put on a different mask. That's this word. Let love be without a mask, abhor what is evil. The word abhor, I did a little word study.

It's like if you've been gone on vacation or out of town or you forgot and there's a milk carton in there and it's been there for like six weeks and you're not even sure how long it's been and you make the mistake of opening it up and you stick your nose in it and you just want to throw up after you smell it, that's this word. Not play around with evil, not tolerate evil, not make excuses about evil, not drift into evil, not flirt with evil, abhor what is evil, cling to what is good. Because here's the deal, the first aspect of authentic community is the real you has to show up, the authentic who you really are. And if you're hiding sin then you'll, you put on a mask. Let love be without hypocrisy, abhor what is the real you. And then notice be devoted to one another in brotherly love, giving preference to one another in honor. That word devoted is like, I mean, I'm for you, I've got your back. You guys understand this.

I would lay down my life for you. That's that word in brotherly love. It's give preference and honor. I want your success more than my success.

This is radical Christianity. So authentic community is the real you meeting real needs. Not superficial ones. Not the ones that, you know, well I can do this on the way home. Or one of the tricks I used to play is, you know what, I don't really want to talk to so and so but I want them to think I kind of care and I do kind of care but there's sort of extra grace required and I don't really want to be devoted to them and they kind of bother me so I'm going to give them a call and I hope they don't answer so I can leave a message. And the message goes something like, hey, so sorry I missed you. Wish you we connect. Hope everything's okay.

See ya. Has anyone else ever done that? And what you're really trying to do is just sort of manage the relationships but I don't want to be devoted to them. And you can't be devoted to everyone so you don't have to feel guilty but be honest. The real you shows up to meet real needs. I mean it's when you give money away that you can't give away but their needs are so great you give it to them. It's when you don't have time and you're under pressure and you understand they're in crisis and you give time.

That's what builds those kind of relationships. The real you meeting real needs and then for the right reason. It says, what does it say? Not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. See sometimes in the body of Christ we get a lot of strokes. You know, I show up for this or I do that.

You're so wonderful. Not lagging behind. The word for diligent is follow up, follow through. Fervent in spirit we get a word of water coming up to a boil. It's a picture of this energetic enthusiastic person who's doing what they do in the body of Christ serving the Lord.

I'm not doing this for men's approval. The real you meeting real needs for the right reason and then in the right way. Those last triads, actually this is about five small chapters in this book on experiencing authentic community. In the right way there's an upward focus rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation devoted to prayer. I'm going to find my joy not in my circumstances. My ultimate hope is there's a heaven.

It's real. I've got promises. I have a savior no matter what's happening. I'm going to persevere. That means hupo meno. That's the word. It means being under pressure and refusing to give up. It's resilience in tribulation.

And how? With desperate dependency. I'm devoted to prayer. It's the same word. I'm devoted. I can't make it.

God I need you. And then notice there's the outward focus contributing to the needs of the saints. That word means you're actually giving money to other Christians that have financial need. Practicing hospitality literally it comes from our word for pursuing strangers. Hospitality is you know you walk into a room and it doesn't take long at a party or a group and you just realize those two people feel completely out of it.

Or this person is marginalized or they get pushed to the side or they're not as attractive. The body reaches out to those kind of people and says hey do you want to come over and sit with us? I want you to know someone cares about you. Didn't Jesus do that? He touches a leper.

There's a woman whose son is dead and he touches the coffin. The Jesus who loves you is moved deeply in his heart when he sees someone sin or sees someone suffering. He just is compelled to want to help you and to love you and to move into your life. And he wants to give you his eyes that you would see marginalized people the way he sees them. And it wouldn't be just writing a check or talking about how terrible this is or that is.

You would activate in small ways and in big ways. And what I will tell you is when the real you meets real needs for the right reason and the right way you will experience this supernatural thing called authentic community where you are deeply loved not for what you do. You are deeply loved not for what people think you are. You're not deeply loved for how you look or what you have. You are deeply loved for you. And you know the human heart has been made in desperate desperate need to have someone love you just for you. That's the body.

And if you're not aware that you need people and if you don't practice authentic community this process you will drift or you will fake it. Once you get in patterns you know the Bible word you don't hear it anymore it's called sloth. It's called sloth. It's one of the big sins in the Bible that we don't talk about it. Sloth is simply this. It's the opposite of being disciplined.

Discipline is doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. God prompts you and says you know what you need to share Christ with so and so. He's hurting. I know he's an outcast. I know he has a different sexual preference than you.

I know there's a lot of stigma to it but he's desperately in pain and shame and hurt and he needs you to break the barrier with him or you to break the barrier with her and look into their eyes regardless of their orientation and let them understand there's someone that understands and someone that loves them and you want to introduce them to the one that can meet their deepest needs. And so what I'm saying is God wants you to be his body. Jesus lives inside of you.

So you're in desperate need of love and you're actually in more desperate need to give love. You've been listening to part one of Chip's message An Intimate Relationship with Christ's Body which is from our newest series Keeping Love Alive volume 4. Well Chip will join us in studio shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about. We've all seen those stories of couples who have been married five, six, or even seven decades. So what's their secret?

How did they make it? And better yet how can we build those types of lasting bonds? Through the newest installment of our Keeping Love Alive series, Chip's identifying four relationships great marriages have in common.

Learn why these connections are so critical and how you and your spouse can better prioritize them in your marriage starting today. If you missed any part of this series, catch up via the Chip Ingram app or at livingontheedge.org. Well before we go any further in this program, Chip's with me in studio now to share a quick word.

Thanks so much Dave. I'll be back with some application to today's teaching but if you're listening to this program and you or someone you know is being blessed, I mean God is using it in your life, I'd like to ask you to really pray about partnering with Living on the Edge. Your financial investment allows us to equip Christians here in the United States all across the world to really live like Christians. Because of your donations we create materials, we get God's word to leaders, and we take the Bible to the people in ways that help them grow and transform their families and communities. So here's my request, would you help us reach the hurting people in the U.S. and around the world? Help us to be a catalyst for change so that Christians everywhere can live more like Christians. It makes a huge difference and thanks in advance for whatever God leads you to do.

Thanks Chip. Well if joining the Living on the Edge team is an idea that makes sense to you, we'd love to have you partner with us. Your support multiplies our efforts and resources in ways only God can do.

So if you'd like to be a part of that, let me encourage you to become a monthly partner. You can easily set up a recurring donation at livingontheedge.org or through the Chip Ingram app. Or if it's easier, text donate to 74141.

That's the word donate to 74141. And thanks for helping others benefit from the work of this ministry. Well Chip, in your message today you touched on a subject we talk about all the time here at Living on the Edge, community. Why are other believers critical for a healthy marriage? You know, sometimes I think we get this idea, Dave, that we're on our own in our marriages. It's sort of like this private little world and that somehow we have to figure it out all on our own.

And the fact of the matter is, it's impossible. We just so desperately need other people. You know, I think back to Teresa and myself, it's interesting, we'll be married over 40 years this year. And looking back on the key couples or the Bible studies that we were in or the examples of hanging around other people, that really helped us grow as a couple. So I think authentic community is just, it's a prerequisite.

It's not like a nice addition. It's a prerequisite for a healthy marriage. And I think it's easy to get isolated or you get into one of those seasons where the job is very demanding and maybe if you have kids that's very demanding. You can pretty much find yourself alone as a couple working things out on your own and maybe not doing so well.

Iron sharpens iron. We need one another. We actually have a small group series called Experiencing God's Dream for Your Marriage. Find maybe only one other couple or a couple couples and say, hey, let's study this together. If nothing else, you know, get together once a week with some other couples and share your struggles and pray with one another. What I want you to know, the principle that I started this message out is so true. The seeds of a fruitful marriage require the soil of authentic community.

Here's my question. Are you connected to other strong believers in a way that will allow your marriage to be all that God wants it to be? Great challenge, Chip. Thanks. To learn more about our small group study, Experiencing God's Dream for Your Marriage, go to special offers at livingontheedge.org or the Chip Ingram app. Through this fun, engaging tool, you'll discover the biblical blueprint for marriage and how to strengthen the bond with your spouse. Whether you're a newlywed or have been married for years, this resource will deepen your relationship. Again, to order our small group study, Experiencing God's Dream for Your Marriage, go to special offers on the Chip Ingram app or at livingonttheedge.org. Well, until next time, this is Dave Drouie saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.