Real Love in Real Life - Four Kinds of Love, Part 2

I don't know about you, but when I was a little boy, I heard people say, God loves you. And then I got older and someone said, God really loves you. And I think I intellectually believed it, but I didn't feel it.

I didn't experience it. How do you experience the reality of a God who loves you? If that's your question, stay with me. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. I'm Dave Drewley and Chip's our Bible teacher for this international discipleship ministry focused on helping Christians live like Christians. Well, in just a minute, Chip picks up where he left off last time in his series, Real Love in Real Life, by sharing what Jesus revealed about genuine love and how we can truly experience the love God promised. As a quick reminder, if you miss a portion of this program, let me encourage you to catch up through the Chip Ingram app.

It's a great way to listen to Living on the Edge anytime. With that, here's Chip with the second half of his talk, Four Kinds of Love. Now here's the question, right? How do you know God really loves you? I mean, we've got the Sunday school answer, right? I know God loves me because Jesus died for my sins. Right?

You got that one? And how many of you, when you hear that, I mean, just be honest. You can be honest in the private of your own mind. God loves me.

He died for my sins. How many of you kind of emotionally go, wow, I really get that? My experience is we intellectually have that, but we don't viscerally or emotionally get what really happened and what God actually did. It's sort of like a thought. It's sort of like a phrase instead of a reality. So what I want you to do, I want you to turn to Romans chapter five, and I want to give you a very specific, clear picture of God's love.

And then I want to explain what that is and how it looks. We'll begin at verse six. When in the mind of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and when he sets his gaze and affection on you personally, and the Bible says he loves you, I want you to get a picture of not just theologically what happened, not just relationally what happened, but also emotionally what actually happened and what has actually occurred to every single person, whether you receive it or not. But this is his love. Verse six, you see at just the right time when we were still powerless. Picture yourself at the end of your rope.

You've got nothing to bring. Christ died for the ungodly. The word for here literally means in the place of. For rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. How do I know God loves me? But God demonstrates his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us, not when we got good, not when our morality cleaned up, not when our behavior changed, not when we tried harder, not when we were more moral, why we were yet sinners or still sinners, Christ died in our place. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him? For if while we were God's enemies we were reconciled to him through the death of his son, how much more having been reconciled shall we be saved through his life? Now before I go on, my experience with us unless you've done some theological thinking or training is you would go from this passage and you might even be in a course and they would take you to Romans chapter 3 and then it would use a lot of big words about you are justified and as a result of being justified how did that happen? It was redemption and redemption then leads to propitiation where the just wrath of God was placed on Christ and then this begins this process where you have a new standing with God and justification and propitiation and redemption and a lot of really big words that are really, really important that the average Christian probably 70 years ago knew like that and understood what they meant and so I thought I want to do my best to tell you how Jesus' death reveals God's love. This is how Jesus' death reveals God's love and this is sort of like without any of the big words but all the big words are there and by the way can we just personalize this?

This is you, not the person next to you, not the person behind, the person in your seat. When Jesus died he paid for your sin. See there was a coup and there was a rebellion and we sang a song earlier about he is my king, well he was the king of all the universe and there was a huge rebellion and at the heart of every rebellion in my heart and your heart and everyone's heart is I want to be king, I want to call the shots, I will live independently of God, I know better, I'm going to do my own thing and down deep I don't think God has my best in mind and in the midst of us being in rebellion against God when Jesus died number one he paid for yet a debt, an insurmountable debt that you could never pay and the reason that Jesus was fully God and fully man is he had to be a human being in order to die and he had to be fully God for his death to account for or cover and atone for all the sins of all people of all time. The second thing that happened is he freed you from slavery, the word for redemption is out of the slave market of sin and Paul takes that imagery and he says you were a slave of sin, you were a slave to your passions and to your selfishness and to your addictions and to your manipulation, you're a slave to your me-ism and what he did is he not only paid for your sin but he took the chains off and he freed you once and for all, he bought you out of it and the purchase price for you, you want to know how much you love, the purchase price for your life was the death or the blood of Jesus, that's what we actually read. The third thing that happens is Jesus absorbed the just anger of God, that's a part of theology that people don't talk a lot about, I want you to imagine the most horrendous act that anyone could do against you or maybe one of your children or a close friend and I want you to imagine just the anger if someone killed one of your children or willfully ran over your mate or your best friend with the car with no sense of remorse, the anger that you would have because life was snuffed out. What sin has done is destroyed relationships, sin introduced death, God, are you ready for this? He's mad at sin.

Colossians 3, he says, consider your earthly members as dead to immorality and impurity and evil desire and passion and greed which literally is idolatry because these are the things that the wrath of God is upon the sons of men and in these you once walked. So God is a just God and so he's very angry when kids get abused, he's very angry when I'm selfish and so the only way for God to appease his anger is when Jesus was hanging on the cross, the reason he said, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Because your sin and the anger of God, the propitiation, we read it earlier, it was placed on Jesus. So he paid for your sin, he freed you from slavery, he absorbed the just anger of God.

Guess what? God's not mad at you. God's not down on you.

He's never down on you. Our job is not to go into all the world and convince people and tell them how bad they are, put their arm behind their back, straighten up your life. Ours is a message of the gospel, it's good news. Guess what? You're forgiven.

Guess what? You're already loved. Your sins are paid for, you've been freed, the just anger of God is absorbed and then Jesus transferred his righteousness to us. It's the second half of justification. So when you receive Christ as your savior, literally there's the Jesus column and the you column and all the sins on your column are deleted and all of his righteousness is drag, paste.

And this isn't theory. This is the love of God. The God that you worship, if you could grasp it, looks upon you through the lens of the blood of Christ as a righteous son or daughter. You're the object of his affection.

He wants to love you, direct you, bless you, help you, fill you, meet the deepest needs and the greatest delights of your heart. And then finally, your friends. That's what the word reconciliation means. I mean real friends.

I mean I'll never let you down, I'll never leave you, I'll never forsake you. The scripture says there's a friend that sticks closer than to a brother. And all this stuff we talk about here like bio, you know, come before God, I do life in community, O be on mission.

You know what it is? We're trying to help people like would you like to know how to become a good friend with someone? Hang out with them.

Right? Just like hang out with them. Would you like to feel the love of God and get a hug from God? Well he lives inside fellow Christians and he might send an angel someday to hug you but probably not or very rare but he doesn't need to. The very life of Christ lives in each one of his followers and when I hug you or you hug me, when you meet a need for me or I meet a need for you, when you love one another, it's the living Christ in his body in community. And when we're on mission, we're just passing on this agape love. And so you love, who are we to love? Love our neighbor as ourself.

Husbands, love your wives. Love your enemies. Forgive the person who betrayed you. Forgive the ex who did what they did. Forgive the boss who ripped you off. You say well I can't do that.

Of course you can't. And so here's the design I want you to get. I want you to see God's design and I want you to think of agape love, storge love, phileo love, and then eros love. I want you to think of a reservoir.

Okay? And I want you to get this picture that at the bottom level if you don't experience the agape love of God, if the water doesn't come up here, you will not be a good parent. You will not have a good marriage.

You will not have a fond affection. And so agape love is number one and then when you're filled up with agape love, this choosing, by the way, it's a choice. It's hard.

You don't feel like it. But as you choose, God gives grace. And so after the agape love, then the goal and the design was you would experience in your family. I mean we're good at this when they're babies, right? They cry.

We don't go, shut up. What's wrong with you? I told you three times, you know, if you don't get into a good school, I'm not going to love you.

They're a baby, right? God's goal was that agape love, we would train early on that our children would grow up in a world where they would feel like you're valued and loved for who you are, not for what you can do. You are deeply loved just for you. And then what happens is the next one is phileo love.

In every culture, girls have cooties because God wants us to develop same sex relationships that are deep and strong. I've been married 38 years. I've got a great marriage. I've got a great wife. I will guarantee there's things about my life my wife does not understand, will not understand and can never grasp for one simple reason, she's a woman. And there's a reason why in the developmental process, God gives us this love and then he says, I need a mom and I need a dad in every ideal situation and I want you to nurture and care and strengthen and sometimes it's soft love and sometimes it's tough love, but I want them to be to you like I am so that they can experience that. And then as you go off on your own, I want you to have a relationship with someone that understands as a man what it's like to be afraid, what it's like to be insecure or like as a woman.

What's it like when you're a young girl and you're developing and what's it mean to be feminine? And so God wants us early on to have these really strong same sex relationships that are completely non-sexual that so you're understood and loved. In fact, I'll talk more about this later, but the reason a lot of marriages are in trouble is because you're asking your mate to deliver a whole bunch of stuff they're not equipped to.

Your mate can deliver some things, but only another woman is going to help you grow in certain areas if you're a woman and only another man can help you and it takes time and energy and every single person needs to have at least two or three or at least one relationship of someone of the same sex that I mean it's no holes barred. They're never shocked. They love you. They're there for you.

They got your back. You can be completely vulnerable because the only alternative is to fake it or to hide it and it's in hidden struggles where the enemy begins to blow up our life. And then finally when we have this design of God's love and then we have this family relationship and we have friends like that then as we mature he wants us apart from those who are called to singleness to actually have a sexual relationship that's not about us. You know so many so many people in marriages the whole thing is you know if you talk to people that are experts in the whole you know but by the way every couple has sexual struggles okay if you haven't had any bless your heart you will because usually it has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with communication, unresolved anger, stress, problems, fatigue, overwork, misplaced priorities, money problems and when all those things start happening there's a little you know line on the dashboard of your marriage and you know the sex one goes and so God actually longs for a couple to be experiencing gape, storge, phileo love so that their sex life is not about techniques and level of experience but a desire to be other centered and please and care for and love my marriage partner and it's amazing how that changes things. Now unfortunately as you look at God's design there's sin in the world and so if you'll go down to agape love you'll notice I put a negative 1 John 4 19 and in 1 John 4 19 it says God is love and then it says something very interesting it says but if I say I love God and hate my brother the love of God is not in me I'm a liar and so what I want you to know is just I've tried to give you the this is this is real love agape, storge, phileo, eros but because of the human heart and sin there's also a counterfeit see if you look on the left side pseudo love is about getting and you might write the word me just write the word me above that and under real love write the word others and then underneath that pseudo love has has two real things insecurity control every pseudo love relationship is insecurity I don't measure up something's missing I need I need I need I need so I got to get get get so I try to control notice how it goes in the sexual love I love you as long as you satisfy my lust and then you know what if this isn't working I go to the next person or if you gain a little bit too much weight I go to the next person or if I'm not kind of satisfied well I'll just log on online or I'll have an affair or I'll fill my life with romance novels or I'll watch a bunch of movies so I vicariously are living my mind in my because it's about me it's about satisfying my lust that's me centered phileo love when it's about you insecurity and then control is I'll love you so that I won't be alone it's not a love that how do I help you I love you so I won't be alone have you ever had one of these someone is real friendly and they're a really good friend until their life starts working out and then just kind of move on anybody had a friendship where you feel used okay me I have I there's few things that tick me off more because you think you think it's real you think the people are really for you and then there's pressure there's difficulty or or you get into a crisis and you look up and so where'd your friends go guess what they ain't friends notice in store gay love and with the best of intentions I love you because you enhance my worth it's very subtle I don't love you for you I love you if you're on the traveling team I love you forget A's I love you if you you know go public I love you if you're a good-looking and stay good-looking I love you as long as you enhance my worth you're a valuable part of this family and sometimes it's verbal sometimes it's nonverbal and sometimes we reframe the whole thing I really love my children so they have to be successful so I really push them so I really do this and I really do that at the end of the day you need to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself is this really about them or just really about you we got family some of you are living such ridiculous schedules you don't eat together you don't talk you don't go to bed at a decent hour your life is pulled from here there and you think providing all these opportunities for your kids I'll tell what your kids need is you and three or four nights sitting around the table eating a meal that someone in the house actually cooked and talking about how life is going and having the TV off for three or four nights a week and playing a board game and tickling one another and you would just you'd be shocked at the real love we're chasing phantoms our children or our mates are not to enhance our worth they're our opportunity to what love them just for who they are and a God pay love it's even creeped into the church they got a whole generation of people I love you God if you bless me if I'm wealthy if I'm healthy if you make my life work out or the flip side a perverted side of love and other religions is this God will love you if you pray five times a day this God will love you if you do this this this and this this God will love you only if you go on there's an endless round of works works works works works you don't give to get a God pay love is a choice of giving other people no matter what what they really need when they least deserve it at great personal cost and what I want you to know is that if you've never experienced the agape supernatural love of God ask Christ to come into your life and to forgive you and he will and if you're not experiencing his power then start getting to know him as a friend and I will tell you he just wants to help you this is a summary of what we learned one we're already deeply and completely loved and I've given you a passage to each one I encourage you to check that out on your own already number two we must receive his love by faith before we have the power to love him each other our families our neighbors and our enemies so just ask yourself have I received him by faith three pseudo love promises life but destroys us and our relationships if the reservoir fills up this way with God it goes the other way here right it's all about sex then maybe you become friends then maybe you become a family or cohabitate for a while until it works and then pretty soon if it doesn't work then you serially move on to the next person and the kids are here and the kids are here and the alimony is there and the money's there and the pains there and it brings death for God has a specific design and process for us to experience real love in real life it's a very clear design from the bottom up and number five love never fails it covers our past our faults our mistakes our sins it redeems restores forgives and bursts new life and new relationships I love that picture of agape love being learned in a family and then a family passing it on so we can be those kind of friends and then we meet the right person at the right time and we have all those and we express it physically and the very thing that we then experience what what sexuality certainly brings pressure but it brings life new life God's love birthed life his plan as we experience his love come together and we birth new life and then we share that life with all the world Chip will be right back with his application for this message four kinds of love from his series real love in real life have you ever wondered what real genuine love looks like or what it means to be in love well in this five-part series Chip tackles these tough questions and helps us understand the depths of God's love for us Chip also reveals what causes failure and dysfunction in relationships and how we can not only find real love but grow it keep it and make it last a lifetime you're not going to want to miss a single part of this series learn more about real love in real life and our many resources by going to Living on the Edge org or by calling us at triple eight three three three six zero zero three that's triple eight three three three six zero zero three or Living on the Edge dot o-r-g app listeners tap special offers well before we go on Chip I can see you want to jump in here and talk about something that's really important to you thanks Dave you know we live in very unsettling times in fact I would call them disruptive times and we all know that change is normal but we've never experienced the kind of chaos and division like we see now how do we navigate the turmoil of the world that we're living in and whether that's in our personal life our families our churches our workplaces and what I want to suggest is that James chapter one the very first book in the New Testament written gives us a blueprint about how to survive and even thrive in the midst of life's greatest trials and what I'm going to invite you to is to dive into James chapter one in a brand new daily discipleship with Chip it's called the art of survival and here's how it works each day I'm going to meet with you one-on-one for 10 days and we're going to discover what James chapter one teaches about the art of survival and life's trials we'll start our time together where I'll literally get a cup of coffee open my Bible and I'll talk directly with you one-on-one and we'll walk through how to study the Bible you'll learn to study the scriptures for yourself in a way where you hear God's voice and have God speak in such a way that gives you the strength to make it through life's hardest and most difficult times so here's the challenge spend 10 days 10 minutes a day with me 10 minutes on your own and then let me encourage you invite 10 people to join you let's be difference makers let's learn the art of survival in the age of chaos you know those early disciples turned the world upside down and that's God's plan for you and me won't you join me thanks Chip well we're so excited to share with you our new daily discipleship with Chip the art of survival based in James chapter one through this free video series we'll discover how to handle circumstances out of our control guard our attitude against discouragement and trust God and his provision if you're ready to learn the art of surviving in these challenging times then pre-register today to take the daily discipleship with Chip challenge and when you sign up we'll send you a new leather-bound prayer journal as our gift to you to take this free 10-day daily discipleship challenge go to livingontheedge.org or call triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3 that's triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3 or go to livingontheedge.org app listeners tap discipleship now with some final application for this message here's Chip thanks Dave as we wrap up today's message could I encourage you go to our website and download the notes you know I've made this comparison between real love and pseudo love and I think it would be super helpful for you and especially some of your relationships you know you might sit down and go through these notes with a friend or your boyfriend girlfriend maybe with your mate or for some of you maybe going through these with with your kids would be a real resource to really think about what is real love and thinking about real love you know it really does first and foremost begin with God and those pseudo relationships those pseudo ideas of love they keep bombarding us at every turn every commercial every magazine I mean we're living in a world that keeps telling us this is the way to love this is what you'll get this is what you have to look like all these different messages and I would say especially to those of you that are moms and dads you need to train your kids and help them understand very early what is real love because the pseudo love brings disappointment it brings heartache it promises one thing but it never delivers and then I think I have to be fair and be really honest to say as you think about your own personal life now's the time to really honestly evaluate and ask God you know what's the next step in my journey in relationships I mean first and foremost where are you at with God I mean what do you need to do to take the next step to be in close deep authentic relationship with the God of the universe second I would encourage you to really look at the closest relationships and whether you're single or married maybe a single parent maybe you're a student ask yourself how do you respond to people how would you relate your relationship connection and then just kind of make a commitment that I'm going to stay with Living on the Edge and I'm going to learn about relationships I'm going to download the notes track with them loving people deeply and being loved by people is the greatest thing that will ever happen in your life we at Living on the Edge want to help you do that. You'll find the message notes Chip just mentioned in a couple of places go to Living on the Edge dot org and click the broadcasts tab app listeners will find them by tapping fill in notes you'll get his outline all of his scripture references and lots of fill ins to help you remember what you're learning they really help you get the most out of every program so I hope you'll take advantage of this resource the next time you listen. Well for Chip and the entire team I'm Dave Drewey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.