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Overcoming Emotions that Destroy - How to Be Good and Mad, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram
The Truth Network Radio
February 8, 2022 5:00 am

Overcoming Emotions that Destroy - How to Be Good and Mad, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram

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February 8, 2022 5:00 am

Is it possible to actually be “good” AND “mad”? According to scripture, there are times when the right thing to do is get angry. In this message, Chip persuades us that it's possible to know when anger is the best option.

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Has someone wounded you may been years ago.

It could've been apparent to me that you want your kids a coworker but is someone hurt you very deeply betrayed you to the point that anger and bitterness as occurred in your soul. I want to tell you that God must explain the shield bandage the and make you whole. That's today. Thanks for joining us for this edition of living only a Living on the Edges of international discipleship between the Bible to drink just a bit of chip wraps up our current series overcoming emotions that destroy any part of the series along catch up anytime or by listing on the chip with part two of his message. How to be good and bad. Ephesians chapter 4 here's chip on a talk now about it is so dangerous to take this weapon of anger that he's going to tell us now how specifically after this passage to treat it when you been wounded deeply, how to clean up that wound.

How to bandage the wound and how to get holes so that good things So that's what I want to talk about now.

Step one to be good and mad is to cleanse the wound, cleanse the wound verse 31 says get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. How do you cleanse the wound confession and repentance of unresolved anger confession and repentance of the two keywords there of unresolved anger. Listen to the command, get rid of.

He's given us this picture take off. Have your mind renewed put on get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling, slander, and along with that, that desire to hurt people. Malice. The motive is you really want to make him pay and you gotta cleanse the one now here's the deal in your humanness and in my humanness. Here's how I played out when she really apologizes and realizes how deeply she's hurt me. I'll forgive her when that former business partner that ripped me off. Who claims to be Christian apologizes and tells me what he really did announce it when that lady who said those things about me at church and we we mentioned apologizes.

Then, here's what I want to say some of you, especially as couples you to be the proactive one at every issue, every anger issue.

Every relational problem is never 100% 0% issue notice and in other words, there not 100% wrong in your 0% innocent know most of you agree with that right now what I know is it's 9010 is 90% criminal attempts that you write what you think of what they didn't want to do it right now here's the deal. If you want to see the wound cleanse if you want to not let this anger ruin your relationship with God and with others and not allow you to be a vessel and a weapon for righteous indignation. You gotta cleanse the wound. You have to get rid of the 10% of your bitterness and anger and wrath, and malice, and you have to confess it and then repent confessed means I agree with God.

This anger this bitterness.

This resentment this passive-aggressive this leaking these exploding. I need to say God I am sorry, will you forgive me. I turn away from that.

I don't want to do it anymore. I resolve in my heart and then you look into the eyes of that friend or detonate. And you say honey I want to tell you this is how I've hurt you with my anger and this is the mask that I wear and then with eye contact will you forgive me and then you purpose and not your heart of hearts you know it's pattern in your purpose.

I want to do this anymore, but if I do it again.

I want you to know I am going to take this seriously and it's hard and it's painful and you're saying, but will you know you understand is 9% him take you know what you own years.

You can't control him, you can't control her, you can control that person in another state who did that moved away with your mate.

My kids and I I love basketball and Sunday afternoon was sort of our release time and so we played pickup basketball and I had a driveway that we had a nice slant to it.

When all my friends came over and over. The slant is in is an amazing home-court advantage, you know I'm shooting, short. I don't worry about it if you know in a so and all my boys must be and daughter. I don't know what it is but there's sort winning and losing. It's not like you're better than but were intense, and we really like to compete along with my closest friends. They were were brothers we really care but I mean it is in your face no holes barred. And when you go to the hoop and the guy gets in your way. You don't mean to but anything's nose gets broken his nose gets broken and you guy's kids on the concrete saw about every three months on the trees is inside and hearing Bronson on roles and it will always go to the ER and a lot of times you get a big gash right and just normal. I put them in the car. Here we go again.

I mean three boys.

This is life is how we did life we love each other deeply, but I'm gonna tell you when we went to the ER and you know they would be like a deep gash in gravel and dirt. The poor this junk in it and when they were younger had to hold it right right and they want to do, then they can rub it in the gets kids going and everything in it was apparent was the site you hurt my need to do it that much pain.

I just started and they start taking little pieces of gravel out and then it looks pretty clean to use them when they do they take the syringe with the needle right in the saline solution and you know right they cleanse the wound that they don't cleanse the world.

What happened to gets infected. It's not pretty.

It hurts a lot but some of you are living with an infection that's festered for decades. Cleanse the wound. Forgive and repent.

Then, in verse 32 he says treat the wound numbing my kids didn't leave with. I think it's plain then what happens. They treated verse 32 tells us how to treat it. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also forgive you many goes on to say, be imitators of God. Therefore, as dearly loved children live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant aroma. A sacrifice to God.

And so he says you need to cleanse the wound and then he goes on to say, we need to treat and this is forgiveness and reconciliation.

I confess it, I repent, and now I've got a take it from the horizontal and the beginning of confessing it to person and then I need to both receive and give forgiveness.

I need to extend I'm going to take you off the hook. I refused to keep trying to pay you back. I'm not going to bring your mind up to God anymore in out of my mouth. I will say to my closest friends anymore how you do this in our marriages like this in the unit for years and easiest viewer if she doesn't do this and you know every time I know she's mad because you know she don't have sex ever and in all the stuff I'm not going to say it anymore. I'm to forgive and I'm going to extend reconciliation on to say let's get back on the same team.

I'm going to do for this personal Christ is done for me.

Be kind, be tenderhearted and by the way, I will just tell you that's the issue. According to Jesus is only one reason why people ever get divorced because of the hardness of heart, it's not your mate stuff for your stuff when you get wounded and you get hurt and you've been spewed on or they've leaked anger. You feel used. Your heart gets hard to start protecting yourself and so it's it's a big risky step of faith were you cleanse the wound and you confess your side of it and you repent and then the next big step is you extend forgiveness you say God in light of what you've done for me. I'm going extend it to a situation not all that long ago where I went through really really difficult time that involved the trail on for ever been betrayed were people make very specific commitments and they said to get to do certain things and then you find yourself like you're kidding. I mean just way way out there and for me, makes my personality but when you're betrayed whose anger. The resentment and so I've got this practice. This into extend forgiveness and I really wrestled. I had like a three month wrestling match with God telling him what he ought to do these people to retreat, betrayed me, and they should know better. And on and on and on and then I had a friend so you know something I like you to go through little Xers and he kinda knew the whole gamut of the situation and he said I'd like you to pray for a week in them will meet is at at a golf club actually and he said let's meet next week right here and like you to pray and ask God any and every mistake in anything that you would be culpable of even the small things that sorta help bring about this difficult, painful thing and I did and I remember writing out seven very specific things that I thought while God, I wish you wouldn't show me so much, you know, and I'm ending. I like to say and mine were all little and theirs were all big. It was all that was dumb.

And I begin to think if I was them.

How would I view that I could do that. Maybe he was actually trying to do that no wonder that. Then there's this, and I wouldn't send him some steak but and I and I listed seven things and I got next week with the got the golf course and I looked at it and he said yeah hard time forgiving these people in your city. I really am. He said so how do you think you'd like God to treat you on this and I don't want what I deserve. And you know is this, like, he led me through, you know, here's this guy help and the pastor who supposed to go this and he kinda led me through that little parable in Matthew 18 of the servant, the gets forgiven $20 million and then he goes and will forgive the guy for 20 bucks and basically what he said was it's not about proportion you want God to be merciful with you if you really want that you always have to give away what you want to receive and that I had and I listed my excuses. That's not fair.

They don't deserve it, and he looked at me sit on you not doing it because they deserve you're doing to obey and you're doing it so that you can be free and you know what Christ did it for you, not passing it on. Is not an option. What you need to do cleanse the wound confession and repentance.

You treat the wound forgiveness and reconciliation in the third you need to bandage the wound. This is the chapter 5 verses one and two, I alluded to them earlier and read them, but you know, listen, listen to what it says it's not about just okay. I forget. I think every things okay source depends on me. I never want to see him again want talk to them. I hope nothing ever happens the imitators, literally the word is mimic God we get our English word, that word imitator. If you go to the Greek text is M IMI literally. It's mimic God. That's pretty big man. Be imitators of God, therefore, and notice in your notes put parentheses around as dearly loved children. You can't give away what you don't have, and for many of you, the breakthrough will come. I remember listing the seven things and not want to be overly dramatic here, but when I saw him I cried. I just thought, and that's ugly, and it wasn't what was it like I willfully did any of that wasn't like I was doing some big bad things when I really saw some things in my heart and when I really saw where I blew it just like that's God. And then I had this amazing warmth experience where Jesus you know to find out, died like a chip you don't. I really surprised on this one. I wasn't shocked I saw this and all the way back across see you mimic God, but as one who's already dearly loved.

You don't work this up. It's receiving more and more, and then as a dearly loved one live a life of love as Christ loved us and gave himself as a fragrant offering and set and so terms of a very practical way. This is how you put the past behind you.

You put the past behind you when I have struggled with forgiveness of the most powerful thing I've ever experienced is learning to pray for that person and it'll start off not real good like Lord. We show them what they really need here Lord we cause them to repent. Lord, would you bring about difficult things in their life so they would look up to you CQ and then tell me their story is all cutaways want to do that and I found that if I can bless those who persecute me. The word blessed means to seek the salvation of the deliverance of another and when people curse you it's it's a strong strong word of them want to take you down. Let's Romans 1214 but Romans 1214 to 21 became my mantra. Love your enemies, it's Paul is really quoting and capitalizing Jesus in Luke six, love your enemies, do good to them. Pray for those who use you despise you your enemies hungry feet is thirsty. Can the drink don't be overcome with evil overcome evil with good air. And so I I started praying for these people every day and then every time I took the Lord supper. I just made a little vile. I will always pray and ask your blessing from the depth of my heart and I long for the day when I hear something great about them, about their marriage about their lives, about their kids about ministry that my initial reaction before I can think is rejoicing and when that day comes, I'll know that I have act forgive process forgiven forgiving and then when that day comes when I can immediately rejoice when I hear something good about those who've done me wrong to be forgiven of forgiveness is a choice. It's a decision, a process and there's an ending and so every time at the Lord supper. I prayed and prayed and prayed and you know it's just really was exciting after a journey to hear some very positive things, and before I could think about it. It was thank you Lord and I like great great. I've extended to them what you extended to me. I don't want them to get what they deserve. Just like God I don't like it but I deserve therefore, be merciful, even as your heavenly Father is merciful. Jesus said who causes it to rain on the evil and the good on those who give thanks and those who don't, here's what we've learned it's okay to be angry. It's what I do with it that matters anger can be good member little equation your HQ your anger quotient and I wish I had a big whiteboard, a queue equals E environment plus P perspective times, 04 26 obedience to Ephesians 426 and the there you have it right there. The action for a stuffer is to stuff avoid, pretend, repress and suppress the action. Forest viewer is explode control either in an uncontrolled manner or in a very calculated way.

The action for a leaker is passive aggressive indirect power and sort of subtle slander. And here's the appropriate expression. Be assertive make nonthreatening, I feel statements about needs and desires in terms of reaction. The stuffer denies feelings are angry at me, angry at me with a very high pretend you're not angry's viewers yell slam doors kick shout push of become hostile leakers procrastinate gossip be late. Don't follow through in their yes and no is not reliable.

The appropriate biblical response is what reaction express it directly release it indirectly getting the anger out in a nondestructive way so there's times in ways we walk through you address it. You dress it to a person sometimes it's face-to-face. Sometimes it's on the phone sometimes you write a letter and other times it's a situation where you know what it will do no good. You are not the person responsible to address it and what you need to do is do some healthy, wholesome activity after expressing it to God and like for me it's working out or taking a walk or listen to music and releasing that anger and saying I'm not I'm not responsible or I'm not the one to address this, but I need to deal with my anger in terms of results when you stuff you grow out of touch with emotions you live in denial you expend excessive energy avoiding anger for some of you that are thinking this is too hard. This is too difficult. I just can't wait to get out of here and throw away these notes and not deal with this do for your kids do it for those around you is you will pass it on.

The results for this viewer is damaged relationships and emotional distance. The results for the leakers unhealthy communication damage relationships the appropriate expression and what occurs. The results are restored healthy relationships open honest communication justice and righteousness upheld grace and mercy. Give you know what, that's a very simple little chart that basically covers almost everything we done questions for further thought. Here's where I want you to ponder, encourage you, you know, is this kinda comes to a close who is an accountability partner of the same sex who is two or three other people in a small group who's going to go on a journey with you to unpack and deal with where God spoke to you because I will tell you, you know, two days from now. The new pressures the old patterns. Nothing will change unless you start so here's the questions one in what areas do you see the need to become more expressive in your anger and where do you see that you need to be more expressive under control rightly directly. Second, what safeguards can help you express your anger and yet do it appropriately. Third question is, how is the example of Jesus helpful as you examine anger issues relevant to you wasn't a kind of refreshing to think that Jesus really got angry is exciting to think that there's wrong in the world and God deposited you with an emotion to make a difference to motivate you, like few things in all world and you can make a difference by getting mad about the right stuff forth. What did you learn about anger resolution. Why is it so important and then fifth.

Are there any anger issues or relationships in your life that need complete resolution what steps will you take for some people just repeat this one more time. I don't mean to be to drum if you need help personally your single mom your single dad your single person you're married couple and you have tried and this is a pattern and maybe goes all the way back to some things when you really think about it. You've learned and you can't solve yourself gets just get some help in so I can afford it.

You can't afford not to. I mean you you you know I might I discourage people from ever going into debt. But most of you spend money you don't have a Christmas every year 80 or hundred bucks a shot for someone that would help you walk through the process to get anger where it needs to be and it will open up a window of issues that you had no idea you will know the truth and the truth will set you free, and relationships will be improved in your relationship with God will get deepened like no what's that worth to about more than the car you drive and you spend the money on that final thing I just want to share in this is the this will put everything in perspective. Just listen very, very carefully, did you ever wonder why you get so mad and what you get mad at think that now like to share the story of that lady banging that kid into a dryer.

I mean I got mad. I don't know if you've ever seen. Really, really deep injustice, but that gets us angry, but most of your anger is an often with people close they dig around the fair. They violate you they tacky. They do terrible things to you and you get mad and a lot of times you want to get mad right mate walks out on you should you be mad people steal from God he mad why because it's not right it's not fair it's ready wrong? Where did you get that idea. I would suggest that you made an image of God and there is a phrase that I don't of that.

I've heard a message in last 25 years were anybody use this phrase I'm sure there's some people have I just been the wrong circles the wrath of God. We heard that one or we allude to an old sermon by Jonathan Edwards and everything was a terrible sermon. You know what, like thousands of people got saved of the sermon. If you think you get mad at me picture if you will spending all day and making this beautiful little sand castle on the beach and unity spent all day and it's a beautiful sculpture and somebody walk amongst kick, shout away kicks it down how you feel Matt, that's what we as human beings have done to God in his earth and his creation and his son and he's holy and he's pure and when there is sin when things aren't right he's mad. In fact, however mad you think you get about stuff. Multiply that infinitely that's how mad he gets is called God's just wrath when you sin.

Are you ready for this.

He's mad at you when you mess up relationships and her people. He's mad at you when you violate the environment to make more money. He's mad at you when you use people and live. He's mad at you should know I'm sick. I wish I had a picture of you matinee you think is talking as retina homer are thinking they he's mad at you is mad at me know what you think it's okay for you to be mad when someone walks out on you is not it's okay for you.

The mad want to child abuse.

It's okay for you to be mad when girls are put into prostitution. Dodds mad at you when you sin in your mind in your heart with your mouth and your actions in the Scripture says the wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth in their wickedness.

So if you don't feel a pretty weighty problem you need to check your pulse you get mad about stuff because you made an image of God, who knows the desires and the thoughts and intentions, not just of what you do.

But your heart and even your motives and the one who wrote those words went on to say in chapter 3, but now a righteousness from God, apart from the law numbers from keeping rules has been made known to which the law and the prophets testify, so it's not new. It was the intent all the time.

Of all the prophets. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to special group who ever believes there is no difference for all have sinned big small little all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by what he did his grace through the redemption. That's the purchase price for you. It's the picture of the slave market and in the slave market of sin. At the time this was written. If you would buy a slave you would walk in and you would pay so much and you would buy the slave and this is the word redemption of you being purchased out of the slave market of sin with your sins and God's wrath and his anger hanging over your head and Jesus came and he offered his blood as the payment price and God said okay Mary Bill Ethel Chip Bob Jim. Whosoever abide them all back the redemption that came by Jesus, God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement.

The Old Testament picture of a covering his blood covers the sin through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate notice his justice, because in his forbearance he left the sins committed beforehand unpunished. He did it to demonstrate justice, God's just sins God he dealt with these mad at it like you get mad at.

He's angry. He did it to demonstrate justice in this present time so he could be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. I would like you to suggest to you that God has an anger issue, and God had to solve his anger issue and the way God solved his anger issue toward you. Was he sent his son, and I don't know how much you know where you're coming from. I think sometimes we thinking I would total camp and not personal prayer and I believe in Jesus. Whatever that means.

Let me give it to you straight. You are under the wrath of God and he's angry and knows all your sin and all mine, and the only solution was fully God and fully man. Jesus came, born of a virgin, he lived an absolutely perfect life did miracles raise people from the dead.

Dead people talk about the kingdom told that he would die raise three days later and said you can only find life in me not to religion not to rules not to try hard not to morality. The gateway to abate the just wrath of God is, he would hang upon a cross and when he would turn away fulfillment of Psalm 22, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me. He was an actual offering. And God took your sin and my sin and the sins of the whole world and he placed them on Christ and then he moved back, and with his breath of anger went all of his wrath and hatred for sin was placed on Christ in that moment in his finished and you were forgiven and I was forgiven and whosoever would believe and trust in that work on that cross by faith receive salvation and those who reject that have been provided forgiveness but will not receive it because of the hardness of their own heart. Jesus that I can come to condemn the world, came to save. But those who walk in darkness and turn away.

He came to his own and those who were his own would not receive them. Question have you received the solution to God's anger issue with you. I did ask if you went to church and ask if you read your Bible and ask if he gave little money. I didn't ask if you will, but moral than the next guy. Have you at a point in time in your life.

Recognize that God is angry with you, and rightfully so. And the only remedy for that anger is the work of Christ. So God could be just fair what the holiness of God demanded the love of God provided through the cross. And that's what it means when it says for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son who ever would believe put trust in him would not perish but have everlasting life. Have you ever received the free gift of salvation. It's as simple as saying, looking upon that cross your sin. God's wrath and recognizing it's been covered.

I can do nothing on my own.

I admit I am a sinner.

I ask you now to forgive me, Lord Jesus, I want to put my faith in your work and proper proof of resurrection that your work would cover me and atone for me and that you take me from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of light and I now you are the truth and the life in the way and I now will have access in relationship to the father for ever and ever and ever eternal life is not just blank. It begins at this moment there is no more condemnation now your son or daughter Christ. Have you ever done that from your heart, and said the world behind me, the cross performing this application for this message to be good and bad series overcoming emotions that destroy ever been told you have an anger problem.

Has your temper damaged or ruined a meaningful relationship are the frustrations of daily life weighing you down will let me tell you, there's a better way to handle these emotions in this series strip reveals how we all struggle with anger and breaks down the most common ways we express it to learn practical biblical solutions to reign in anger before it destroys you read your most treasured relationships. Don't miss how we can be, as Jesus said angry but without sin know if you miss any part of this series, overcoming emotions that destroy want to learn more about our helpful resources which shipping remap is a great way to get plugged in. I'll be right back to get some final thoughts to being good and mad as we close the entire series today but let me just stop, let's get some perspective here.

There are few things that will impact your life, your family, your marriage, all your relationships. What happens at work then how you handle your emotions.

More specifically, the emotion of anger or the guilt, the shame, the devastation all the things that surround anger when it's not properly understood or properly responded to so all I can say is that I don't know where you can invest your time in the next few months, but let me encourage you that overcoming emotions that destroy you and your relationships would be a great place to really invest. Let me just help you think this through. If you are a reader.

Why don't you get one book and a book for a friend and read together and discuss it over coffee if you're a listener or what it should pull down the MP3 and maybe someone from another state or relative that you know you feel safe with you. You email them the MP3 you listen to it together to download the notes for free and I mean very economically you say let's really learn to overcome those emotions are destroyed or or for some of you even thinking we need to launch a Bible study or the next small group series for our small group at church were for our men or women's group or our Sunday school class we ought to get this be thinking outside the box. This isn't just for you.

God wants to use you as an ambassador.

Imagine the people in your network if they understood anger begin to use it for good instead of evil.

The good that what happened in your homes, your churches in your community be an ambassador for Christ act today, but strip will help you get the most out of this series for limited time we've discounted all of the resources for overcoming emotions that destroy with you.

Order chips book stream the video teaching download the MP3s or get the small group study guides, we've got you covered. Learn more about the discounts on all of the series resources by going to or by calling AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003 or go to app listener steps special offers what we've come to the end of the series and this last days pretty heavy. We talked about anger and how we deal with it how God wants to use it for good.

And given a lot of real practical things and talk about tools to give you been at the heart of all of this when you're wounded. It starts with forgiveness and what I know is that there's some of you saying you not understand you have no idea what I've been through and have a good friend is a pastor in Louisville and he and I were doing some studying together. We were just sharing sort of dramatic stories of God's grace and we were discussing how hard it is. As pastors in our own lives, but especially as we help others really deal with forgiveness at me real resolution, when it's just unmentionable sin, and he told me this story of a lady whose husband was a pastor and during his message, a man came down the aisle and shot her husband and then he began to share with me the journey.

This woman went on to forgive this man later visit him in prison actually achieve a relationship with this man and the testimony that was to the entire community and he said more than anything else. What it did in her hard in her life and I remember listening that story and thinking you know people and and abuse. People of been walked out on injustice. I mean it is so deep and so painful that many of us have buried that hurt and that wound and that infection is in your soul and you actually get mad and irritable and in struggle with things and you don't even know why God wants to cleanse the wound would you just be willing right now as we close a series to say God I will do what ever you want me to do. I'm willing to face it. I'm willing as an act of my will to release that person.

Maybe that parent to abuse me that made walked out on me that kid that's been ungrateful that person that took the money, but just whatever I'm willing to release them to you as a righteous judge and got out. I asked that you give me the grace to forgive them what you forgiven me. That's the first big step on the journey and if you need some additional help. Let me encourage you talk to your pastor talk to someone is spiritually mature or if it's late when you listen to this and you feel lonely, go to the website of and there's multiple resources that are free and just come to scan around about where your hurts and where your needs are. We want to help you today deal with the wounds in your heart as we wrap up I would think those of you who make this program possible through your generous financial support. Your gifts help us create programs. Purchaser time and develop additional resources to help Christians live like Christians. If you've been blessed by the ministry of Living on the Edge you consider sending a gift today.

Call us at AAA 333-6003 or go to app listener step donate. Your support is greatly appreciated. Until next time, this is Dave saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge

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