What Now? What Next? - Relationships Not Real Estate, Part 2

Are you lonely? Feel isolated? Longing for some deep love and relationships? I mean, to get hugged by someone that's a brother or sister in Christ that you just care about? Do you long for a place where you can just be who you are and be loved in spite of your struggles, your hang-ups, and your idiosyncrasies just like mine?

That's God's plan. Let's talk about how to get that. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Living on the Edge is an international discipleship ministry focused on helping Christians live like Christians.

I'm Dave Druey. And we're in the middle of Chip's new series, What Now? What Next? In this program, he wraps up his message, Relationships Not Real Estate, by talking about authentic community.

What does it look like, and how can it transform your life? That's all coming up. And if you're looking for some really practical help in how to get started in building community, stick around after this message for some additional thoughts from Chip. He has some great advice to share.

Don't miss it. Before we begin, a brief listener note. Chip originally taught this series at an outdoor venue, so you may hear some echoes and other ambient noises in this recording. With that, here's Chip with the second half of his talk.

I have a quick excerpt that I'd like to read to you. Authentic community, underline this word, is the prerequisite for discipleship. Jesus is not looking for adherents. He's not looking for fans.

He's not looking for people that want to use him for anything. He's looking for disciples. Disciples are people that learn the way of the master, and they want to follow his teaching, and they want to follow his path or his lifestyle. The Greek word is the Hadas. Jesus said, I am the Hadas. I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except by me. He called them not just to believe intellectually and to agree, yes, Jesus died for my sin and rose from the dead. But he calls us for the full implications to take up your cross. Follow me.

I'll make you fishers of men. Implicit in being a follower is the reproduction of other followers, and it's by the attractive love that you share with other people that those of us that didn't grow up in the church are attracted to the real Jesus. Authentic community is something that we all long for. Authentic community goes way beyond simply being on a team or being a part of a club. Authentic community occurs when the real you shows up and meets real needs for the right reason, the right way. It's when the love of Christ is shared and exchanged with vulnerability and sacrifice and devotion. It's a place where you can be just who you are and loved in spite of your struggles, your hang-ups, and your idiosyncrasies. I mean, isn't that what we all desperately want, right? We spend all this energy trying to project that we're this person that we're not so that somehow people will like the hologram that we're sending out.

And as our teenagers do it especially, they get this idea that everyone's life is better than theirs, and they are filled with anxiety, and they're filled with struggle, and their parents are too busy to talk to them. You know, if you would read the book of Luke, here's a little challenge. Read the book of Luke as fast as you can, and every time he's eating with someone just mark it down.

And you will find, by the way, Luke has written to a Greek audience, in other words, Gentiles who don't have the Jewish background, and you'll find that he's either eating with someone, leaving where he's been eating with someone, or on his way to eating with someone throughout the entire book. You want to reach your non-Christian friends, quit inviting them to things, except to dinner, to lunch. And by the way, you don't have to preach at them. There can be any gender, any background, any color, any sexual preference, and just eat a meal with them, and just ask them questions. Tell me about what it was like growing up. What are the biggest challenges in your life?

What are the things that make you happy? And you know what? Just resist putting on your little cap about what they need to know, and how you think they are, and where they came from. Jesus calls us to hospitality, to invite people into our world. Now what I've done is give you what I'm going to just characterize as the Apostle Paul, here's the Chip Ingram theory, so you don't put this in your notes, this is a theory, this is me, so part of it might be right, part of it might be wrong.

But I believe it, so you should search the Scriptures and see whether what I'm saying is true. But as I keep reading through the Gospels, and I see what Jesus did in a Jewish culture and how he developed, and then you see the Apostle Paul gets tapped on the shoulder, and he's told by Jesus, I want you to take this message to the Gentiles. Well Paul had this phenomenal mind, great education, Will Durant says he was the greatest intellectual mind of the first century. And Paul had a great upbringing in multiple ways, he was brilliant, he was educated, and he had a really great mindset, so much Jesus did this, Jesus said this, and what you find in the Epistles of Paul in a didactic, clear way that most of us think, he says this is the what, this is the why, this is the how, and here's the practical how to do it.

That's not how Jewish thought goes. And so what you'll find so often is, you get the Sermon on the Mount from Jesus, and Paul will come over in Romans 12 and say, let me show you how in a simplified form this looks like in your relationship to God, in your relationship with the world, in your relationship with yourself, in your relationship with those that are believers, and relationship that those are not. And in Romans 12 verses 9 through 13, he literally, are you ready? He will tell you, do you want authentic community?

You want deep, other-centered, life-transforming, loving, accountable, sacrificial relationships that change you. In fact, he will go on to say in the book of Ephesians that just like we see little green worms, right, and they get into a cocoon, and they become these beautiful butterflies, the Apostle Paul would say that just as little green worms need a cocoon to be transformed, he would say followers of Jesus need the cocoon of authentic community for you to become the beautiful person that he has made you to be. And so notice verses 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13. In verse 9, he'll say the real you needs to show up. In verse 10, he'll say you gotta meet real needs, not just superficial ones. In verse 11, he's gonna say you have to do it for the right reason or the right motive. And then in verse 12 and 13, he'll say you need to do it in the right way.

And by that, what he's gonna say is out of the resources of God, not out of your own energy or your own flesh. Follow along as I read. Let love be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. Rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer.

Contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing or pursuing hospitality. If you had time to study that very, very carefully, you'd find there's 13 imperatives. That's a big word for commands.

They're participles that have the force of these aren't options. And so he says first the real you has to show up in relationships. He says let love be sincere.

Literally, if you have the New American Standard, it says let love be without hypocrisy. The word was used in ancient Greek for a mask. It was a mask that was worn in the Greek theater.

In the Greek theater, all the actors were men. And so they would have different masks that would portray a woman, an older man, a younger man. You would learn to throw your voice and be able to be three or four characters.

You would go backstage, put on a costume, put a mask, and then you could create this persona. And the Apostle Paul says, number one, take off your mask. Stop projecting. Stop trying to impress. Let the real you show up with the good, the bad, the ugly, the background, the family of origin, the former addiction, the former abortion, the former divorce, the current struggle, the vanity, the pride, along with all the strengths, the intellect. Get rid of the false humility.

Let the real you show up. Now, you do it progressively, you do it wisely, and you don't do it with everyone. But he says the real you, he says take off your mask, and then notice, he says, not only is it a matter of authenticity, but it's a matter of purity. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. The reason we project so often in our deepest relationships is we have hidden sin and hidden issues that we don't want people to see.

Purity is prerequisite for authentic relationship. It's true in our marriages, it's true in our friendships. And you know, we always think, it's so funny, we always think people will think so much less of us if they knew the real you.

Can we just be like just us here? Have you ever met some people that appear to have it all together? You know, they got the perfect body, and drive the nice car, and they got the purse, or the watch, or the wallet, or whatever that has the right logo, and they seem to be so confident, and have everything all together, and feel really unapproachable, and often don't, the response at first is what?

Intimidation? What I can tell you this, is people who have the strongest exterior presentation, that they have it all together, are among the most absolutely insecure people that you'll ever meet in your life, with boatloads of needs, and hurts, and struggles. And here's the question, do you really want to get to know them? Or have you sat down with someone, maybe at a party, or maybe at church, maybe in a Sunday school class, and you know, in a moment, maybe you're kind of weak, and you don't have the energy to put up anything, and you just say, man, I'm really struggling. And maybe it's a little struggle, but you're careful, you begin to share vulnerably about what's going on in your life. What happens the moment someone does that to you? You're drawn to them like bead honey.

Why? Because all of a sudden, someone's sharing the same kind of stuff that you know, and I know, I have in my heart. And he says, you know, for the church, pretense, posturing, image management, it just can't be a part of who we are, what we do.

So the real you has to show up. And secondly, it says that you need to meet real needs. It says, be devoted, underline that in your notes, be devoted to one another in brotherly love.

It's a really strong word. The word brotherly love here is that philo storge. It's like their family, and this is caring about people like deeper than blood. Giving preference to one another in honor. That's humility. That's authentic community. It's the real you showing up, not superficial needs, but real needs. Needs that cost.

Needs that you say, wow. We learned this really early, and my wife is always farther down the road than me. It's why I think I married her. And we were in seminary, and our kids played next to these other kids. And we were in these government subsidized housing with other students and people that didn't have very much. And the lady next door became a great friend, and our kids played, and her husband abandoned her. And she was going to get kicked out of her apartment shortly after having a baby and a five-year-old. And we were just barely making it.

I was working full time, going to school full time. And our rents were about ten days apart, and Teresa came to me and goes, they're going to kick her out of her apartment. She has nowhere to go, and she has a little baby. Chip, I think we should pay her rent. I said, wow.

So I looked, and I said, well, honey, reality check. If we do, we'll have ten dollars to our name in checking. And in ten days, our rent's due.

I'm on the straight commission thing, and if something happens, it will be really good. And if something doesn't happen, she'll pay her rent, and we can't pay ours. Well, I won't give you the whole story, but I think many times it's not about some great feeling and being noble. You just say, I mean, I argued with God for three days, and finally he goes, okay.

Look, I get it. So we paid her rent. And yes, God took care of our rent. But you know what it did? It was like, here you are in seminary, preparing to what? This is what what looks like. You want to know what the real education is? It's not how many kids come to your class. It's not how many people come to this. It's not how many beautiful buildings we have.

It's not what the budget looks like. It's the real you meeting real needs, and then the key is for the right reason, the motive. Not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. Not lagging behind in diligence. Literally the word means not slow to act. Fervent in spirit is a picture. I did a word study.

It's like water boiling. It's a sense that you're fervent. You're ready. You're prepared. The real you is showing up to meet real needs.

But boy, you are. You're doing it for the right reason. It's a prompting from God. I sense he wants me to do something.

Genuine service, notice, is characterized by diligence, excellence, and enthusiasm, passion. I love that last little line. You're fervent, but it's not fervent so other people think you're a great Christian. You're fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. About two years ago, in the midst of a lot of busyness, I was kind of working really hard at a bunch of stuff, and I was having one of those seasons, and it was early in the morning, and this thought came to me.

It was so convicting, and I thought I'd better write it down. I remember writing down in my journal a couple of years ago, that there are times when you spend more energy trying to look loving and look humble than you spend actually loving and actually being humble. How about you? How about you?

That's why you have to do some things silently, anonymously, so you break that power to look good. Finally, it says to do it in the right way. The upward focus is rejoicing in hope. It's a picture of living with this eternal perspective of the Lord's return, not rejoicing in circumstances going up and down. It's persevering in tribulation.

The word is hupomeno. It literally means to be under pressure or stress. Some of you actually pay money to be under pressure or stress. It's called the gym. You put some weight on, and you do this, and you do this, and you do this.

Guess what? You do it three or four weeks, they have to put some more weight on. You mean you do it on purpose?

Yes. Then you do this, and you do this. Then you do it for three or four months, guess what? They have to put on more weight. As they put on more weight, you do this and do this, and then what? Pretty soon there's some definition here.

You do this, and there's some definition here. The way you get strong is not making life easy. The way you get strong is persevering through tribulation.

It's trusting God for little things and then bigger things and bigger things and saying, I won't give in. I won't give up. I won't go to the refrigerator.

I won't log on. I'm not going to take this pressure that I feel and go out and buy something to make me feel better or log on or watch or eat. God, what do you want to do?

I want to stay sensitive. I want to be alive to you, and He'll speak to you, and He'll speak to me. And devoted to prayer, devoted to everything I've said so far, I don't know about you.

You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of doing in your own strength. The life I've described is the life Jesus described. Jesus would say to Himself, I can do nothing on my own initiative.

As I see or as I hear, I do. He would say to those disciples before they changed the world, apart from me, you can't do anything. Prayers of deep intercession, raw authentic time with God are the greatest evidence of humility. If you don't need to ask God, if you don't need to talk with God, and you can run right out the door, guess what? What you say to the eternal God of the universe that knows everything that's going to happen during today, you say, hey, Jesus, good to see you. I felt a little wiver quiver when I read that deep devotional. Yes, it was three lines and one verse, but I don't need you.

I got this. And I think God has said to many, many Christians, okay, you got this? This isn't very theological, but good luck.

Let me know how that works out for you. And it's not His punishment in His mercy when I don't live dependently and when you don't live dependently out of the sheer love and mercy of God. He calls a velvet vice of circumstances and difficulties to get your attention. And in the words of C.S.

Lewis, pain is God's megaphone to a deaf world. If you want authentic community, the real you needs to show up and meet real needs for the right reason in the right way. And I love there's an upward focus and then an outward focus contributing to the needs of the saints.

You can study that carefully. It means giving money to people that need it or food to people that need it. Practicing hospitality literally, are you ready for this? The root word is pursuing strangers. People that are marginalized, people you don't know, people that you look at and immediately think, oh boy, I don't think I want to get to know them. Pursuing strangers. Is there anyone that looks kind of different?

Is there anyone that looks kind of sad? Going to the grocery store and being in the line, being over there where you get your coffee and looking around saying, are there people around me? And you don't have to be Mr.

External or Ms. External to say, hey, how are you doing today? I always keep at least $100 bill of 15, a few 20s and I'm asking God as best I can every day, is there someone that you want me to put something in their hands that will communicate to them that they matter that maybe no one else cares about? And so we're all different economics.

It might be $5 for a student or $10 or $20 or $50. You know what? I'm sure it helps them a little. It helps me a lot.

It just forces me to be thinking. You know what? I mean $100 is less to some people and a lot to others and maybe not much. It's still a lot to me. And boy, there is something so precious that happens when you see someone with a need and you qualify it and you love them and it might be $5 or it might be come on in and I'll give you a meal or it might be someone that you write thousands of dollars of checks because you know something about what's happened in their life or their business and they never need to know because they're in the body.

That's contributing to the needs of the saints without a tax deduction. Application is what is your next step toward authentic community? When you look at these that the apostle Paul has laid out for us, what would be your next step? What gets in the way of you experiencing authentic community? Too busy?

No margin? Religious activities? Disconnected from like-minded believers? Are you in a meaningful growing Christ-centered relationship with a handful of people? If not, are you willing to ask God what next step you need to take to get really connected from the heart? Declare war on isolation and superficial relationships in your life. Write down John 13, 34, and 35 on a card. Read it over.

Memorize it. Ask God to help you be it and do it. Lord, would you help us to return to intimacy with you, with each other, that the cocoon of community would bring about the kind of life change that we're in desperate need of. God, we all want to be loved.

We all have struggles. We need one another. Would you grant us the grace to let the walls down and in a reverent way not really give a rip about what anybody thinks? And help us to engage. And we ask it in Jesus' name. Amen. Chip will be right back with his application for this message, Relationships Not Real Estate, from his series, What Now?

What Next? If you were to conduct a general survey asking participants to describe what a Christian is, you'd probably be disappointed or frankly embarrassed by the results. Judgmental, closed-minded, pretentious are just a few of the adjectives you'd likely hear. So where are believers going wrong? And how can we actually become authentic images of Christ? Throughout this new teaching series, Chip answers those tough questions by describing six radical attitudes Jesus calls us to follow. These truths will not only renew your mind, but utterly transform the way you engage with people. If you miss any part of this new series, What Now?

What Next?, catch up anytime on the Chip Ingram app. Before I come back and talk about some application to today's message, I do understand we have been talking a lot about the match and how your gift doubles and what the ministry is doing. But I just want to pause for a moment and tell you maybe a bit behind the scenes of why it's so important, why I bleed what God is doing at Living on the Edge. This is the part that many of you won't see, but this email that I'm going to read is the standard copy that we get. In fact, we pray every day as a staff for a half hour.

All around the country we come together, and we have Excel sheets of just literally scores and scores of people. And I'm telling you, it's painful what people are going through. And this lady writes, Good morning.

This message is for Chip Ingram. I wanted him to know what God has done in my life through the ministry. I'm a longtime believer who wandered far from God for many years. After a year and a half of crisis, divorce, and struggle to find my purpose and my place, I felt alone, unloved, unwanted, and I despaired and was desperately crying out for help.

I was defeated, discouraged, and depressed, and I thought I couldn't go on anymore. She goes on to talk about something that came to her mind from years ago in some guy named Chip. She got on the internet and goes on to say, I've been listening every single day. Little by little, God began to speak to my heart, renew my mind, and fill my spirit.

And she says, I was humbled and awed by what God has done in my heart, my mind, and my life. I wanted Chip to know that his ministry has been used by God to save my life. That's why I do what I do, and that's why we're asking you to join. Yes, there's ministry, there's impact, there's international, there's equipping, there's discipling. I mean, I'm into all that. But I can't tell you how many letters and emails I get of people whose lives are falling apart.

And God promised his word would go forth and not return void without doing what he says it'll do. Would you help us help so many who are hurting so deeply right now? Dave, would you give them kind of the information about how they can join us and why it's important here in December? Thanks so much.

Love to. Thanks, Chip. You know, if you've ever wondered how you can make a difference, what Chip just read should help you see that partnering with the Ministry of Living on the Edge would be a great place to make a difference in the lives of people you'll never meet on your own. And right now, your gift will go twice as far. Thanks to a small group of ministry partners, every gift we receive during the month of December will be doubled dollar for dollar. Now, to send a donation, just go to livingontheedge.org, tap donate on the app, or give us a call at 888-333-6003.

That's 888-333-6003. You will make a difference. As we wrap up today's program, I've been talking about authentic community, and it's the prerequisite for true discipleship. None of us can live this life alone. But the world has forced us into some things that we have to break out of. We've got to break out of that pattern of isolation. Jesus revolutionized the world through life-giving, authentic relationships.

So here's my question. What is your next step back toward authentic community? I mean, what do you need to do in your life, in your relationships, with the people that you call the body of Christ, where you get connected from the heart at a deep, deep level and begin to receive from other people and give to other people what they desperately need?

Let me tell you what I did recently. I came home after church, and the pastor was talking about the early church and when they would meet together and they met in homes and they would share teaching. But then just in passing, he said, you know, they had a love feast and they shared a meal together.

And he kind of went on. And as he shared that, I remember thinking to myself, I remember going to a church in Dallas when I was in seminary. We were completely broke, had no money for lunch. We were in the car praying about money for lunch, and we got a tap on the window of the car. And the couple that sat behind us when we stood up and introduced one another said, hey, could we take you to lunch?

And so that went through my mind. And as we were sitting there during a little stand-up time, I had met two young women, my wife and I met, who it was their first time at the church. And as I sat there, God kept saying, invite them to lunch, invite them to lunch, invite them to lunch. And then it was, no, they'll think I'm weird or what about this or what about that. And my wife is on the prayer team, so she's praying with people. And finally, I could resist no longer. I walked over and said, excuse me, and said to these two young millennials, hey, my wife and I would love to take you out to lunch.

There's, I think, a Boston Market or something around the corner. And they said, oh, we would love to. We went to lunch together. It was so amazing. It was so life-giving. And I remember driving home with Teresa and I said, that's the best church service I've been to in over a year. And she looked at me and she said, me too.

And you know what? It had nothing to do with the music, the preaching. It was like, oh, we connected from the heart with people we didn't know. Can I encourage you? Take someone out to lunch. Get connected to a fellow believer and let's get back in the swing of things and really care. Go for it this week. You know, a great way to get more out of every message is to use Chip's message notes while you listen. You'll get his outline, all of his scripture references, and lots of fill-ins to help you remember what you're learning. Use them personally or even with your small group. Chip's message notes are a quick download at livingontheedge.org under the broadcasts tab. App listeners, tap fill-in notes and you're all set. Well, be sure to join us next time as Chip continues his series, What Now? What Next? But until then, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.