Keeping Love Alive - Volume 2 - Managing Your Finances Together, Part 2

There are few things in all the world that will put more pressure on your marriage than debt. The feeling of credit cards unpaid, house payments, things that you think, how will we ever get out from under the student loan? There are so many pressures that come with owing other people money. So what do you do?

How do you get peace when you're overwhelmed with debt? That's today. Stay with me. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Living on the Edge is an international discipleship ministry focused on helping Christians live like Christians. I'm Dave Drewy, and in this program, Chip wraps up his series, Keeping Love Alive Volume 2, by finishing his talk on marriage and money. Now before we begin, let me encourage you to use Chip's message notes while you listen. They'll help you get the most out of what you're about to hear. Download them onto the broadcasts tab at livingontheedge.org.

App listeners just tap fill in notes. Well here's Chip with part two of his message titled, Managing Your Finances Together, from Colossians chapter three. Debt is dangerous and to be avoided. I think the best counselors I know say it's, you know, it's not wrong to have some debt, appreciable items, it's way better not to have any.

And we're to be accurately aware of our financial condition. Now this would be interesting. I will not do this because I would not want to embarrass anyone.

But if I could, if you all lined up and I could meet with couples, couples, couples, couples, and then I would just, okay separate, you know, earphones so she couldn't hear or he couldn't hear. And I would ask the man, in general, how much debt do you have? How much money do you have in savings? How much is on your credit cards? How much short term, long term, or any investments that you have? I mean just a ballpark, I don't want the exact numbers, but you're aware of basically your finances. What I would find in most couples, one person would have a vague idea and the other would be like, he takes care of all that or she takes care of all that.

Or they would both fumble around a lot and not have it very accurate. The Bible says, know well the condition of your flock. You need to know this is our level of debt, currently right now this is how much we've set aside for an emergency. This is a fund that we've developed for, we're saving for the next car that we're going to buy because we want to pay cash. This is what we're doing in terms of long term and investment or retirement and you kind of know where you're at.

And by the way, your body language, I'm talking really fast, I'm going to pause for a minute. The reason you're feeling the way you're feeling is because of the deceitfulness of riches. Do you realize 50% of all the people that graduate from college, I read a statistic, file bankruptcy? You go to college, they give you a t-shirt, here's a credit card. But by the time they're out, there's literally, we have a whole generation, some Christian, some non-Christian, that they think this is money. I remember one of my grandkids, we were taking him out for something and we're having a pizza or something like that.

You know, they're 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 at the time and we were here and, oh do you want to get something like that? I said, oh I don't have my wallet and I said I don't know what to do. And I forget, one of my grandkids says, oh just use one of those cards. In other words, it wasn't, you don't need money. There was no connection between money and a card.

But here's, okay, now I'm going to be really, really gentle here. If you want to get hold of your life, if you want to get hold of your values, if you want to get hold of your future, you have to get a hold of your money and your time and your thought life. If you do not get a hold of your money, it will get a hold of you and despite your best intentions, it will take you places you do not want to go. If you don't get a hold of your thought life, you can intend, you can try, you can want to, you can plead, but you are the product of your thoughts. It's how God made us. Your emotions are a response to your thoughts. Much of your behavior, instead of being intellectually based, oh this is logical, this is what I ought to do. Is that what we do? Like, I'm feeling kind of down, I'm feeling kind of blue, oh it's really logical, don't go to the refrigerator, so I won't.

What do we do? We eat, we spend, we shop, we go, we vacation. There are only five uses of money.

I got this from Ron Blue. You can give it away, you can pay taxes with it, you can save it, you can pay off debt, or you can live off of it. And when I say savings, I mean savings as in short term, emergency fund, which I find most people don't have, but then there's sort of a mid-range savings where we set aside X amount so that when we get the tax bill we don't go, oh.

So every paycheck, a little bit goes in for the tax. We have a game plan. At our age and our stage, we wanted to help our grandkids, so we set aside some where we started a little fund for their college. We wanted to visit our grandkids and stay connected, and when they all grow and go different places, about 15 years ago we called it a kid fund. And by the way, it's not like we had a lot of money to put in these things, but the discipline of creating where you want your money to go creates an intention. But the point is, do you plan and do you segment your dollars so that what I knew was, at the end of the day, what's going to be valuable? I want to be connected to my grown kids.

I want to have at least every two years a window of time where those little kids grow up and they remember being on the boat with granddad and grandma and aunts and uncles and cousins. Did it cost a lot of money? Yeah, but I saved for it for two years. I don't have a ton of money in retirement, but I've got a plan that lines out that, well, at 65 I said, I don't have anything in the Bible about retirement. I want to be used by God.

I'm not trying to figure out. I mean, I've met these guys that their whole life was, boy, maybe by 56 I can retire and play golf. Now, personally, I like to play golf, but I think pleasure is a great vacation. It's a bad vocation. Pleasure is a great tour guide.

It's a great tour guide. Let's have some fun. It is a terrible destination.

I can't deliver. Financial freedom requires, and please don't laugh, spending less than one's income. If you add up all your expenses this month or in the last year, are your expenses more than the money that came in? And if so, do you understand that's a fundamental problem? The government can do that.

You can't. I mean, they can just say, hey, let's print some more money. Unfortunately, we will all end up paying for all that one way or another. And so the lie is that what we need is we need more income. And so often, well, it's a second job or we'll do this, we'll do this. Maybe your priorities get out of whack. Now, are there times for a second job?

Man, of course. But by and large, your need is not more money. Your need is to adjust your spending to your income. And your income needs to flow out of not what are all the things that we think we need, but see, you've got to go back to this is who we want to be. This is God's call on our life. This is what's important for our marriage.

This is what's important if you have children or grandchildren. These are our goals. And then, okay, we're going to give first and foremost because we're going to declare that money will not be our God. Before we do anything else, I'm going to make my offering to God. Second is I'm going to obey the government, so I'm going to set aside, I'm going to pay my taxes. Then I'm going to say, what do we need to live on? But before we do, even if it's small, we're going to set aside some money to save. And then you're saying, if I do all that, I'm not going to have much left.

You're right. So do you need to lease a car that's $500 a month? Do you need cable and Netflix and this and that?

Do you need to eat out seven, eight, nine times a month? That's just what happens. Now you're thinking, gosh, you're talking about a completely altered lifestyle. It's called freedom. It's called joy. The borrower is always a slave of the lender, and you just get into bondage.

And it starts small, and then it mushrooms. And so all I'm saying is that that's the principle. You have to spend less than what comes in. Often money is not the problem, as we talked about. It's often just the symptom. Money solves emotional and relational problems short-term by compensation. A lot of parents buy stuff for their kids because they feel guilty.

They're not spending quality time with them. We buy gifts for one another, or we say silly things like, you know, it's really been a rocky time in our marriage, so let's just go to Hawaii. I mean, we're only $60,000 in debt.

What's another 10? I mean, the logic goes like that. There's a way that seems right to a man, Proverbs 14, 12. There's a way that seems right to a woman, but the end thereof is death.

And what is common for other people is death for you. The fact that they do it is the fact that you're going to see people whose marriages don't work, whose kids are entitled, whose trajectory of their life is the opposite of what you want, and yet if you did some real hard evaluation at some level, or maybe more than you would like, or maybe you're in the deep end of the pool, and you just realize this money thing is really the thing that's causing the pressure. How do you solve the money problem? It has to begin with it's our problem that we will solve, right?

We're going to do this together because once the pressure happens, what do we do? It's her, or whoever is the spender especially, right? It's him. I can't believe he bought new golf clubs. I can't believe she went shopping and did this, blah, blah, blah. I can't believe, blah, blah. And so you blame. You either win-win or lose-lose.

Second, then assessment instead of blaming. You will need to get prayed up and then say, let's sit down and see where we're at financially so we both know. This is how much actually comes in. This is how much we pay in taxes. This is how much total debt we have in every area, long-term, short-term, credit card.

This is how much we give. I've done this many times in season of marriage for 30 days, and it's easier on your phone. There's probably apps that do it now. For 30 days, Teresa and I would say, we're going to track every dollar we spend for 30 days just to find out. And spend would just be normal, but just track it.

It's crazy. Just by tracking it, you start spending less, and then you track it and you find, okay, this is how much on groceries. This is how much on going out to eat. This much on recreation.

This much on clothes. And all of a sudden, what you see is, in your mind, is we don't have enough money to get by, and when you see where it actually goes, you'll go, can you believe we spent $142 on Starbucks? I'm just telling you, we have patterns. And here, God's not mad, but those patterns, right?

Those paths, there's a destination. And I just want you to know, the destination that a great majority of Christians, and maybe a lot of you are on, it's not where you want to be. So you sit down and you'll notice the worksheet, as I've just kind of taken what other really smart people in finance, and an honest appraisal, and there's a confession. Say, here's where you start, Lord, we are messed up with our money. A correction, Lord, we are messed up with your money. And since it's your money, we're going to repent.

And then second, we want to have a clear conscience. We want not just our words, not just our thoughts, not just our actions, we want our money to be a reflection that we're living in a way that's pleasing to you. You do, you do understand, God longs to bless you. Now, this is no prosperity stuff, but He wants to bless you financially. Most Christians are not in a position to be blessed financially.

You have high debt and you don't give much, and you're not very generous. God sees two kinds of people, dams and streams. When He finds a stream, that means it comes, you get it, you know it's His, and it flows in you, you enjoy it, and it flows through you, and you help lots of people in lots of ways.

God just keeps, He just keeps still on streams. There's others that are dams, it comes and hits you, and you think it's yours. And, you know, the water goes down because of debt, and then you spend some stuff you don't have, and it produces a lot of pressure.

Oh, God help! He goes, well, I mean, you're going to do the same thing with it. Actually, I need you to hit bottom so you would like look at each other and go, we can't keep living this way financially.

So it's always out of His love. And then there's principles here, you know, about a budget, and how to do it, and do it together, and establishing. These are all the basic principles of finances. Resolving to get out of debt, developing a plan and a time frame.

Many of you, just like in other areas, you'll need someone from the outside, you know, a financial counselor. Lots of churches now are doing some really good things with this. And then explore creative means to reduce spending and living costs.

And then just say, Lord, we want to obey you. One of the things that we did after we, you know, found out how much we were spending and all, then we developed, you know, a budget sounds so harsh, doesn't it? I mean, it just sounds like, ugh, budgets. So what we did is when we came up with, okay, this is where we want to be, and this is what we can afford. Okay, we gave, we paid our taxes, we saved, at least mostly the principal, probably won't do a whole lot of good, but we started there, and it kept growing. Now we have this much money left. Then what we did is we said, okay, groceries, literally. We went to the bank, we got cash. Okay, a family of six. Okay, $320, put that in an envelope that says groceries.

Recreation, we do want to go out a little bit, we want to do this, we want to do that. Right now it's $80 for this month. That goes in another envelope. And we just, we had like five envelopes, and you'll see how to do that. And when the envelopes were empty, guess we're not going to Starbucks.

Guess we're not going out to eat the envelope, you know. And so we lived on a cash basis. And we just, and it can be different amounts, but you would be shocked how your debt will come down, your freedom will go, and God will allow you to get ahold of your finances.

And then notice what action step to begin the process. And this is one where it's, in most couples, it's either a default, we don't think about it a lot, or it's really an issue where there's a lot of sparks. This is one of those, let's agree, let's not blame anybody. We've done that, right? Second, let's not argue.

That's no fun either. Let's work through this worksheet together, and let's come up with just a plan that we both agree on. And what I can tell you, I've watched this, just like spiritual intimacy, when couples get on the same page in finances, and then can I just warning, warning, you know, caution light, you know, yellow, now it's red. In about two or three weeks, one of you won't stick to the budget. And it's probably the spender. And one of you is like really organized, followed through details, and the other is a little bit more big picture.

That's the culprit, watch that guy. And then you're going to have an argument. And guess what you'll do?

You'll bear with one another, you'll define the problem, you'll initiate a time to talk, you have a way to solve the problem. You'll forgive one another, you'll repent, your Starbucks is down to $4. No, I'm just kidding.

So do you get it? This is one that doesn't feel like, oh wow, what a wonderful difference it will make. I will tell you, this will impact almost every area.

And your children, man, it will so help them. What do you mean we can't have that? What do you mean we can't buy that? Everyone, you'll have so many teachable moments when you begin to live in a way where you are wise stewards of his money and his time of the home that you either own or rent as his steward with the income that you have. And as you do that, venture capitalists, they look for who's the right person, the right idea, the right concept, the right need, and we want to fund it. And the ultimate venture capitalist in the universe is God.

He's looking for someone that would be a good manager, that has an open heart, that would use the resources that would bring honor and glory to him, and he would really like, as a byproduct, to have you really enjoy it and make you happy and probably provide some things that you would never dream. But we live in a world where I want the things now for me, and I neglect my business partner, my venture capitalist, the funder, the provider, because, you know, no matter how much you have, haven't we learned? Man, your small business is thriving. Guess what? You're out of business. I talk with people. I spent 33 years building this company. It's gone.

It's gone. So what you want is you want a financial partner that will never leave you, never forsake you, and no matter what happens or when you fail, you can always go back. Lord, he's near to the brokenhearted. He wants to help you. Chip will be right back with his application for this message, Managing Your Finances, from his series, Keeping Love Alive, Volume 2. In these programs, Chip teaches from the book of Colossians and highlights four important skills every healthy marriage has in common. Learn how to be better connected spiritually, communicate more effectively, resolve conflict peaceably, and manage your finances wisely. Discover what you need to improve your relationship and start making a change or two today. For a limited time, the resources for Keeping Love Alive, Volume 2 are discounted, and the MP3s are always free. You'll find everything you need at LivingOnTheEdge.org or give us a call at 888-333-6003.

App listeners, tap special offers. Well, Chip, there are a lot of voices and resources out there offering advice on marriage. A few years back, you published a book on this subject too. What led you to write Marriage That Works? And what makes this book different from others that are out there? I remember when the publisher was talking to me about writing a book on marriage, and I looked at him and I said, there's a lot of great books on marriage. I mean, I've read a ton of them, and from my own personal testimony and the issues that Teresa and I have had to work through, they've been really great. Why in the world do we need another book on marriage? And then we begin to talk out loud about what's happening inside and outside the church and the shifting of roles. And there's a lot of great skill books and psychological books and practical books, but there's not a lot of, this is what the Bible says, this is God's design, this is what a covenant is. Men, this is what it looks like to be a man in your marriage.

Women, this is what it looks like to be a woman. This is how you all fit together, and then filled with very practical ways, not a sense of aughts and shoulds and try hard, but this is God's design, this is what the Bible says, and this is actually how marriage works. Hey, God bless you, and I hope you'll grab that book today.

Thanks, Chip. Well, if you're wanting to experience a great marriage that lasts, let me encourage you to order Chip's helpful book. In Marriage That Works, you'll learn about the biblical model for marriage and what a husband and wife's roles are in this relationship. Discover what it really means to be one with your spouse on a spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical level. To order your copy of Marriage That Works, go to LivingOnTheEdge.org or call us at 888-333-6003.

App listeners, tap Special Offers. As we wrap up the series, I had a great time getting to teach it to those couples at the Billy Graham Center, and then I got to hear what was going on in their life as they gave me feedback and talked about, you know what, we're taking steps for spiritual intimacy. We prayed together last night, and someone else told me, you know something? We never even talked about money. My husband just took care of it all.

I didn't even know what was going on. Or my wife took care of it all. We actually sat down and discussed our finances.

Or for others, it was, you know, this series was awesome. That little acronym of DEFUSE about how to resolve conflict and that little tool you gave us on communication, having a conference, have been such a help of moving us closer together. We've gotten practical skills on how to have a marriage that's deeper, actually, in keeping our love alive. And maybe you missed one of the messages or what I'm talking about. You're thinking, wow, I'd love to get those notes or I'd like to listen to this. Let me encourage you to go to the website or there on the app and listen to these messages again, download the notes, and here's the challenge. Who do you know that needs to hear this series, that you could send it to, that you could pray for, that you could say, hey, why don't we get together, you could listen to it again, and why don't we take these notes and have discussions with two or three other couples? Why don't we get committed not just to hear about a skill but to actually put it in practice? There is nothing that will give you greater joy or sustain your life and the things that matter most than building a strong marriage.

Keeping love alive takes a lot of work. Go do it. We'll be glad you did. And thanks in advance for doing whatever God leads you to do. Well, until next time, for everyone here, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.