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Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever - Teach Them to Suffer Well, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram
The Truth Network Radio
May 4, 2021 6:00 am

Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever - Teach Them to Suffer Well, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram

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May 4, 2021 6:00 am

Suffering is unavoidable. We live in a fallen world where pain and evil exist. The way we choose to view our suffering changes us forever. Chip reveals how we can turn suffering into a tool God can use to make us the people we long to become.

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Let me ask you question. Do you have memories that are so painful and difficult. You become an expert at actually shoving them down so you don't have to think about them. Would you like freedom from that pain would you like to see some real positive results come out of the suffering in your life today am going to share for insight that can transform how you respond to something that's today. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with shipping ships or Bible teacher on this international discipleship ministry focusing on helping Christians live what Christian just a miniature continues a series leaving a legacy that lasts forever talking about this subject of suffering. As we learned last natural instinct is, but in this program she compels us to change that perspective and teach our children to better handle hurtful experiences just before we get started, let me encourage you to get chips message notes great resource that will help you get the most out of this teaching to download the broadcast tab of LivingontheEdge.org listeners just fill in notes about your strip with part two of his message. Teach them to suffer well.

My fear is, we have unconsciously or in some ways consciously caught a whole generation of people that if you're really good and do the right stuff. Everything comes out your way and Jesus really is, like a self-help gene and what he wants to do is make you happy and wonderful and have no problems and if you have enough faith, nothing will ever go wrong to see how people get set up to be very bitter at God and very disappointed in feeling like God doesn't care because this is the truth.

So what you need to do is have a very specific game plan to teach your friends, your disciples, your children, your groups and your kids and grandkids how to suffer well. I was getting my car with my son who was about early 20s at the time just beginning his musical career was sort of in the band stage of in the van writing all over doing what they called gigs and leading worship and and little by little, kinda making progress, but he had a friend that he came up with and that my garage was very loud. Many, many years and John and Jason were always playing music and then they would bring it inside and there was keyboards hearing keyboards here in the piano here and then John bring his drums and buddies bring their electric guitars and somewhere I said something about pursue your passions in a moment of weakness and and John was a young man he was a prodigy Ira John played guitar, piano, violin and mandolin junkie pick up an instrument in two weeks he be planted on stage and they would you know we had little small Saturday night worship and so John and Jason, you know, even as young guys would help out and do that and John begin to write some songs and as Jason said one time in her John had more music ability and his little finger than my whole body and my son Jason is sort of the focused persevering hardcharging won't give up type personality and they just became fast friends and we would kill kid John.

John was very fair.

I mean, very, very thin, you know, like John, you know, if you stick out your tongue we think is a thermometer and in all it stuff and teasing the milkshakes and tried to lift weights and he was just no matter what he did. He was just in a turn sideways. John is gone and Jason was kind of traveling around and come home and I got a phone call from his mom and dad said Chip Johns over here in the hospital and they run some tests and we now know why Spence is getting so long got a slow-growing type of cancer and were here his fiancée's here, could you combine a member sitting on the bed looking at John reading Psalm 46 out loud together and then going through about a nine or 10, 11 month journey are so and I remember getting in the car with Jason and John was musical and so the worship leader in two or three of us in my son and he he was look like he had been in a concentration camp is a cancer and eat them out is probably 80 pounds and got in was the last day that he lived and we saying worship songs and then we left and John died the next day but I sat in the car with my son Jason and he looked at me and said that why why would God do this to. I don't get life's not fair that I mean, he's got more ability. Think how God could use him and unhealthy and I have to try so hard that he can just do it why dad and we cried together in the car and then I could say son is a need understand there's more to life than right now and I don't have a quick easy answer about John. I don't understand, but I can tell you it's a fallen world in a fallen world, good godly people get cancer and it's hard world that's an unfair world.

But listen son. God is good and God is in control and you just have a window of opportunity where we hurt and we grieve and we choose how will respond to suffer and I would just tell you that was one of the most profound teachable moments I've ever had with my son. Those whom you love.

How will they respond to suffer because they can get it right summons and walk out on them. Someone can betray something to talk about someone can steal their money and talk about in church right some of you get cancer some drunk drivers can go left the center. Some of you have a kid that dies prematurely, so are they prepared coming in your spiritual will do you have phase number one. I will teach them to suffer well number in your some real practical ways about how to do that before I do I want to ask you a question. How do you respond to suffer. How do you respond to injustice. How are you responding to some things your ex mate has done to you. How have you responded to losing your retirement. Have you responded to the false accusations that were made about you at work or church. Have you responded to a physical infirmity that just seems unfair and no matter what you do use can get your health back. Because here here's the deal. Here's help. Here's how life works. A disciple is not above his teacher, and when the disciples fully trained. Luke 640 to be just like his teacher and I would like to say that the way you do this is you write. Learn to suffer. Well I went to the seminar and here's the notes and here's how it works but I got news for you, how they got you how they do not respond to their suffering. The way they want you. You cannot impart what you don't possess modeling every thing to talk about will be the most powerful means of communication is far more is caught than is ever taught. And so I've asked myself.

So when I am suffering. Do I blame others. Do I whine is MI. The topic of conversations on the victim. It's difficult he ran out on me.

This guy did this to me. I can't believe this is Hollywood's fault is education's fault. It's the president's fault is Congress's fault will mount the Supreme Court's wine wine wine victim victim victim is at high respond, or is it denial. I'm snuggle thing about this I'm looking talk about this disking. Present anger and bitterness lashing out or is it guilt innocent people respond to suffering.

I know I did something terrible on the most terrible person the world. It's all my fault.

I mean, you know, there's a whole cosmos but it's really all your fault and then you live with this guilt and then you pass that on and your kids or disciples or grandkids or friends. They suffer in the way they want you. And if you're whiner. They whine if they feel guilty like what you you they feel guilty if you're a blamer and a screamer in a bitter and a denier. That's what you can produce so as much as were going to talk about how to pass on the things that matter most.

This can be a pretty heavy duty application about asking pretty gut level question is what I need to suffer well. I need to manage my wealth wisely.

I need to work into the Lord, I need to make right decisions right I need to be what I want them to become now that that's that's that's sobering but here's the deal you can do it right. I can either it's impossible. But Christ can do it in you in Christ can do it through you and sometimes we listen to these commands of God is like God I can't do that. J coming on thinking you know you're on the right track. So I need the strength of your word.

I need the community of your people. I need to ask. I need to trust. I need to take steps and when you do that you can buy the power and the grace of God suffer well and they will watch it. It's not you, but is the Christ in you, empowering you to do that. That's really what you want to pass on right now. Let's get real practical in terms of okay okay got the theology chip. Now how does this work in a roll up the sleeves with me. How do you grow through suffering.

Okay I know I need to do it. I need to pass this on to kids and disciples to coworkers, church members, men's groups okay how do you do it when they give you you know for real practical ways. Number one. Teach them to face it to identify what they're concerned about teaching to face it and hit sound so basic help them to identify and here's the key word what they're concerned about. We all tend to repress. We all tend to avoid.

We all tend to deny things are difficult when we just we just pushing down and all the psychologist will tell us as we push down hard things.

95% of all depression is anger turned inward. A lot of our migraines. A lot of our stomach problems. A lot of our health issues are, we suffer, and I don't want to face it and so I push it down, and it's a pattern you talk about the things you don't share anything you don't ever unite other words, anything you say were you being honest about where your struggle, but no complaining this out really positive around here, will you need to be positive, but you also need to be honest, help them think about it.

Help them talk about it. Help them write it down.

One of most powerful questions I know and around our supper table growing up and with my wife on a regular basis. We still do this little exercise asking this question, what are you concerned about and then by the way, don't fix it. Don't interrupt and don't tell them that you should be concerned about that offense and be okay. That's not helpful.

The goal is not that you fix it.

What you concerned about nothing. When an element distantly means it takes one of the kids are teenage. What would you concerned. What I mean, you're in football trial to a concert he might not make it and maybe the house going on very good will. How come I dropped a bunch of passes in practice will how you feel about that well. This young kid is only freshman. He was catching on what he concerned about shut up when he concerned about what else what else what else God grown kids. Now they have little kids and I'm learning this, there's this new world. I like to hang out with my boys and I've always been able to come to talk with the basketball and do stuff and then we be sweaty would sit down and talk.

When I look at these little kids and never come around looking at school kids okay. It's okay I have a meaningful adult conversation with my sons in like a year and 1/2. I mean in a snippet here snippet here and trees I were talking about this and so she came up with this plan. I'll have everyone over for dinner and then out of the hat wasn't like us don't.

It wasn't as well-planned as you make the sound, but the girls were kind of doing the dishes and this and that and we clean things up and they were in one room and somehow me and to my sons end up in the kitchen around little counters and we been talking.

It's not like it's always superficial, but I'm kind of one of those language of love, guys, I want to know what's really going on. You know, and we don't get our just feel like were going to the motions and and so is a simple question. I turned my oldest son. I said you know here in California moved out here while who's your best friend. I need his stasis changes that I have this friend as I started this new business. I got two young kids I got an awesome wife said that I'm working from morning to night and putting in all these hours and you know this guy wants to go surfing in the sky can become a spiritual if there's seven different people, but I don't have a guy name two good guys were real friends we can go deep spiritually that want to go somewhere with their life. That would be committed to their wife want to be a good dad. I don't have that guy here and then we got down to life and then as we talk a little bit.

I said to mother son is up as a pastor and I said what was the biggest challenge you're facing right and he gave me a little you know 25% response and that his other brother, had to leave and dynamic toys. I think forever with brothers and their babies gets her close and all that it has. They left he started this year and I realize he and I got talking and he left nothing to say goodbye and he begin for the next hour to unfold. The biggest challenges in his heart, his ministry, and for an hour. We talked at a level that I talk to him in a year. Teach them to face it and identify what they're concerned about. Second, pray, honestly about it and pray with them. You need to model this date they can't hear all your good theologically sanitize cleaned up. Oh Lord, I know that you are in control and that though it's a car wreck and they stole our money and will be in the hospital and I cancel our church.

I just want to tell you I just praise the Lord. I just want to tell you, Lord, that I know your you know what is the last time they heard you say God I ticked off and it's unfair and why are you know I've met with you and I love you my priorities in order.

In this I don't get it. When's the last time they heard you pray the way. Job price they die what Lord come on right now. Let's argue about it when I cut myself. Right now, right now God or one of the lament Psalms, why have you forsaken me. Where are you God you been unfaithful. I'm upset, hurt I mean, you hear David for he says stuff to God and what he can let you need to vent on the reverently but I'll take what God is near to those who call upon in Psalm one 4518 to those who call upon him in truth.

When you hurt bring the pain when you're mad. Bring the anger of the Lord is near the broken hearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit. We play games, we think God doesn't understand what's going on. You don't connect with him until the real use shows up and you lay it all out in your disciples, your kids, your grandkids need to hear some prayers like that to know it's legal.

And then God spoke to Jordan and boy Joe gotta a lot bigger God and most of David's Psalms and with and yet, oh Lord, when I look back you been faithful and I thank you and I praise you, and I didn't understand but had to share this I had to get this out that's that's how you learn to suffer well what Hebrews describes Jesus, who in his days on earth with loud groaning and cries calling out to God, when's the last time you actually wept in the presence of the Lord. When's the last time you prayed with someone you cried together. This is this is very very important. Third, help them to share where there suffering with someone they trust as wonderful as you are and as wonderful as I am of course, sometimes you're not the right person to help.

Sometimes it's an area and it's a concern and they they need someone else and so you need to say hey pointing to some mentors that are older, wiser, I praise God and my kids were teenagers, that there was a youth pastor that was godly that they would tell stuff to him. They never told me there's times where one of my sons had not had a mentor in our church and happen to be a counselor and you know it there's some issues that you know he was working through, think I know what my mom might be the kind you not really excited to share with your dad and this guy and he made meat and drink coffee and talk and share and then go surfing. I watch my daughter with you of godly women involved in ministry just make connection to you what you want to do is help orchestrate what God's doing what you have to do it all, so mentors second is peers and and part of that is is let them in on your struggles. I was talking with my son who's a songwriter and producer in by God's grace. He's become extraordinarily successful and he's now experiencing all my lands this person from American Idol wants to write music for me because she's a Christian but mom already book so I'm working from seven until four and she's gonna fly in for two days and from 6 to 2 in the morning I'm gonna write with her in it, and will then this is happening. This is happening to God and what you do when the blessing God success. My priority until that lack I'm exhausted. I can build in some and we talked on the phone for 45 minutes about a son been there and done that many just tie some those great opportunities are not like there never to come around again.

It's a faith issue and for people that are wired like you and me, Satan puts the brakes on some people discouragement and for people like us that I don't think the brakes work. He just pushes on the gas pedal and he gets people like you and me so overloaded doing really good things that we crash it what so and then I shared some crashes and then finally there's times where we need to direct them to a pastor or professional counselor.

Everybody gets stuck, and if you've ever been to want make sure your kids, grandkids disciples. When I teach on marriage. I was trying the first session.

Let everybody know in the first year and half my marriage I had to go to marriage counseling in about five years later had to go back again. I just want to get that on the table because somehow they think that if you really love God you try really hard, we never need outside help you need outside help in your stock put in a window and I know little bit about put in Windows. I got Home Depot and I get this I get this I get stuck out of all my gosh I got figures all I myself say you don't is or some like with an orange vest that really is about Windows well but we told you all that you know. Look, here's the name of Anderson windows. This guys a pro have about your house. You can affix the thing that you messed up.

I tried to Windows again to Windows so am I ashamed to ask an expert to get help when I'm stuck.

Of course not, your kids, your disciples, your grandkids, your friends, they need to know there's a time where you go to go to pastor go to professional counselor and then finally help them align specific Scripture with their specific situation not to give you some things here and and a lot of them are not your notes all try and go slow. This is the key.

In terms of you want to match what are they going through with truth because it says you trust the promises of God. That's that's what faith is, by the way, and it's by faith we experience God's grace and suffering.

Imagine suffering is sort of like this overarching you know, sort of like rainbow, but underneath of it. There may be four or five maybe far more there's different reasons we suffer, and if I suffer for this reason.

Here's the passage that I want okay you tracking with me. So Lemme give you just for five examples. First sale essay I have a negative circumstances or trial. Okay, the economy goes down.

I had money, whether it's in retirement for college education and it's gone. Here's the passage James chapter 1 verses 24 consider it all joy when you counter verse trials during the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let endurance have its perfect result, you might be lacking in nothing. So it's external circumstances. Okay choose to have this kind of attitude realizes the process God's gonna take you through or second, how about refining your character. You haven't done anything wrong your suffering. It doesn't make sense but you since your really growing. Romans chapter 5 verses 1 to 5.

Therefore, having justified by faith we have peace with God and we exult in hope of the glory of God and we installed not only investment in our what tribulation knowing that tribulation produces perseverance and perseverance for the character, proven character produces hope, and hope produces love is the Holy Spirit is poured her life there certain times your suffering because you're so precious in God's eyes that he's allowing the process of drawing you in intimacy and suffering. So that's it. So you respond in gratitude of God's work third time you suffer spiritual opposition. I mean you you menu my contracts for God, your sharing your faith.

You taken a new step of faith you get in the Bible you taken a risk you're saying God I'm gonna do some stuff with my time, my money, and you are doing some things that is exposing the darkness well. Ephesians chapter 610 through 18 teaches you how to deal with that kind of difficulty in suffering in spiritual warfare. Or sometimes what persecution you stood up for Christ and menu getting all the slack on a college campus. You get all the slack at work or you lose your job because you know your doctor and you won't do the abortion or your illegal person and you won't lie about something in a situation the passage second Timothy 312.

The promises for all those who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted and then finally there's times where your suffering because like me you make some bad choices right or you just sent you say what you should've said you thought what you should've thought you did what you knew was wrong. And then there's consequences and then you want to go to Romans chapter 6 were talked about presenting your members and then prescriptions 10, 13 were no temptation is taken you but such as common man for God will with the temptation provide a way of escape. You might be able to endure. So what you want to do is begin to coach the kids coaching the disciple coach. The grandkids coach. The lady coach.

The guy what you want to pass on is here is suffering. This at least five different reasons. Maybe more. And here's the promise you can hang onto. And here's the truth to apply very specifically life message very simple suffering is normal.

That's what you want to get that's the message when their suffering was about. This is normal is not fun but is normal.

It will be experienced by all people either make or break those we love. And so teach them to suffer well you're listening to living all the chip will be right back with this application.

This message teach them to suffer well from a series leaving a legacy that last forever.

The concept of passing on your face that were talking about in the series isn't new parents from the very beginning were instructed to teach their children about God and his faithfulness and were expected to build that same godly legacy from generation to generation five biblical habits chips been teaching are key to living a more Christ centered joy filled life. So whether you're a parent or grandparent or a mentor. This series will help you connect in meaningful ways with the young people you love to check out the resource options for leaving a legacy that lasts forever. Go to LivingontheEdge.org call AAA 333-6003 or click on special offers on the chipping remap chip in this series were talking about passing on a godly legacy to the next generation. And for most parents reading Bible stories to their young children is easy because they're so receptive. But the real struggle comes when those kids get older relationship dynamics change. The tension can build It.

Dave, I find that relationships with adult children are ones where there's parents that so want something for their kids that they just keep doing it for them or their such frustration when they don't share their values.

Even some biblical values or biblical morality that they so want them to change it creates incredible tension and conflict.

And I don't think we've had a lot of good teaching about how do you move from being the parent that's in control to being the coaches there growing up to learning how to be a wise consultant to your grown kids who have to make their own decisions and their own consequences and and that means learning how to deal with financial issues. What you should do and what you shouldn't do, when to speak and when not to speak when to criticize and when to keep your mouth shut when to say it's a minor issue and you let it pass. And when you have to speak the truth and confront and so we've gotten more feedback and more requests about navigating life with adult children that I got together with the parenting expert, and Fran Jim Burns. He's the founder and the leader of the ministry called homeward and we put together.

I think the course that will really help navigate you through those kind of issues. Few things will cause more long-term conflict than mismanaging finances, helping your kids or trying to control situations that you can't control, and the more you do it. It causes conflict. This is a course that I will say everyone to go through it short. It's interesting and it's helpful this online video course from Chip and Jim Burns is called how to navigate life with your adult children. It's absolutely free and it's available now on either the chipping remap or our website LivingontheEdge.org because we know that some of the most painful challenging relationships can be between parents and adult children.

This resource gives you practical biblical wisdom for how to successfully navigate this particularly challenging season of life. You can do these successions at your own pace by yourself or with a few friends just go online to LivingontheEdge.org or Special offers on the app and take your next step toward building healthy relationships with the adult children in your life will now here's chip with a final thought as we close today's program you were talking about coaching your kids are coaching those you're discipling were really going to help people to suffer well let me take something the number one way you can help people suffer well is to model that. And I mean this is unusual. I mean really model it.

Paul said in Philippians 1 of the very end of the chapter 4 it's been granted to you not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for his sake. Our tradition doesn't have a very good grasp of leaning into and counting is precious suffering for Christ as a gift back to him and saying you suffered for me. I get to believe in you.

I get the heavenly reward I get your spirit living in me, but I also get the privilege of suffering with you and when you suffer with Christ.

I hate to say this, but that's probably when the most significant work is can happen in your life and it's when your kids and when your friends watch how you go through it that will make the biggest impact on their life and I just kinda got it down to when I go through difficult times and I know people watching me, just like they're watching you they're either going to see a victim's response or a victors response and so many of us have this whiny, poor me, it's so difficult. Life is so hard. I don't know why this is happening to me all you know.

I guess I've done something wrong or maybe have done something wrong and this is so unfair and and you know we wine and wine in line. I don't get me wrong, I think we need to be honest with their feelings but you need to get that out of her system and then say okay God give me the grace I can do all things through Christ gives me strength. You know, we are either a victor or were a victim and you get to make that choice and let me just tell you model that for your kids be the Joseph that says and the Lord was with Joseph. Even in prison. Even in betrayal model that by his grace and you will pass on how to suffer well. Thanks Chip let me take just a second. And thank you generous people who make monthly donations to support the ministry of Living on the Edge your faithful gifts opus inspire Christians to live like Christians.

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333-6003 and no were blessed by whatever the Lord leads you to do little next time. This is the same.

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