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Love One Another - How to Deal with Difficult People in Your Life, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram
The Truth Network Radio
March 31, 2021 6:00 am

Love One Another - How to Deal with Difficult People in Your Life, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram

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March 31, 2021 6:00 am

We all can be hard to get along with at times, but there are some people who seem to be especially gifted at it! Before you put someone in a headlock, and before you lose your temper, join Chip as he teaches us how to deal with the difficult people in our lives.

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We can all be hard to get along with some people just seem to be especially gifted before you put them in a headlock or blow your temper or just go completely out of control. Why not learn God's way to deal that person is making you crazy. That's today. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with shipping Living on the Edges of international discipleship ministry during the Bible teaching this program chip wraps up his series club by explaining how to understand and respond to difficult people know people who make life miserable for us. More importantly, helps us answer the question God, why are these people in my life's answers, radically shift your view.

So if you have a Bible and be open to Ephesians chapter 4. Let's join chip for part two of his message how to deal with difficult people in your life.

I want to suggest that God may well have purposely put the difficult person in your life help you grow. The first step, then what is you need to bear with them, not grudgingly, but with humility goes on.

After that it's with gentleness. We look at this word before it means power under control since the idea of instead of using your power to control you use your power to love. That's what Jesus was. He said I make all power.

He speaks it comes into existence. But instead of using his power to make people obey Jesus was so strong that he could be meek or gentle and extend love because it was secure and we tend to be harsh, if not in our words and our actions, at least in our mind away with difficult people.

They are a hassle.

We have this picture of a difficult person let you I just want to get you know Alexander I just want to get it off my shoulder, but he says no not only with humility but with gentleness. I put a sentence together from my study to try and capture it. I think with gentleness means to access to extend undeserved acts of kindness and acceptance that are foreign to you.

This person that's what needs to be gentle extend on deserved acts of course they don't deserve it. Toward this person and that is foreign to you see, here's the power I had the situation almost every day for nine months. I negotiated with God over this.

See, it was my apartment right it's my floor right there. My dishes and it's my sink and it's my daybed, so I held the chips and what I know my heart of hearts was yet 24 hours you work out and almost every day I went to the conversation of God.

Please let me say that please just please let me please a man beating two weeks. It's been two months. I gave him two months. It's been four months, please see gentleness is extending an act of kindness by the way, you don't have to be mostly excited about extending an act of kindness the greatest acts of love often are loving someone when you least feel like not when you know if you're waiting for who we do a feeling to really love someone is difficult you a long time, and from the model of Jesus. He had no legally feeling when he went to the cross. In fact, we hear him say just the opposite. If there's any way not to do this I like to sign up for that.

Nevertheless, father.

We agreed to the game plan how you do with your difficult person. Do you bear with them and humility first, then with gentleness to use the power that you have, to serve them, or to get them out of your life.

30 goes on to say, with patients interesting word money money given to us.

One of those words when you hear it it'll bring a word picture that will help you and Greek. It's macro as you like big and through most heat with patients mean to be macro through most that literally to have a long fuse in order have a big, big, long, long time where your heat builds up to the point where you blow up. That's what it means to be long-suffering your patient. He says what these difficult people you bear up you tolerate you. Hang in there, you look me on how you do it you don't humility you know better than them you doing gentleness. Use your power to serve instead of the to come out and finally you do it with patients first 13 for you will want to be more loving you think that word orders by chance. Love is macro whom it is takes a long time. You need to put up with a lot means you endure a lot means you tolerate a lot, who has been the most patient with us. Christ, and he says model that now. By the way does this mean that you let difficult people in your life. No. Does this mean that you know the CGR person in your life that makes you nuts and can destroy the whole group you so gosh what were supposed to put up with difficult people and you let them run roughshod and don't set boundaries. Absolutely not. It means you set up hold appropriate boundaries. The I Mabon might make his bed, I Mabon do the dishes I made and get that engine on level.

Those are boundaries and I said it lovingly, firmly and forcefully let Bob ruin my life.

That's not love him.

That's nuts. But once you set appropriate boundaries.

You hang in there and your patient with them in the same way that God is patient with you in a sentence. It's refused to allow your irritation and frustration to erupt into negative thoughts and feelings and comments to or about that's what it means to be patient. By the way, my word application.

That means you need to break the habit of gossiping about them.

See in my bond days when I went got a couple coffee with a close friend. Guess what we talked about you bet I was going to have whelming consider.

I mean, there's not many Christians is noble, committed, loving, unconditional inland course like me. This guy poor guy came off the streets you living with me is destroying my life, martyr, martyr, martyr, feel sorry for me stroke good and what about well let me tell you about what it's like to live with mom so you understand just how loving and caring. I really and so you know I I lace Bob Reno this amazing isn't it, how we are.

We can do this because were little superior in their inferior right we can do this because instead of being gentle were in position power most difficult people less there. Your boss you get rid of them. But see, God says needs to be patients and all these things. It's interesting the exact word order in same words and 1/2 in Colossians 3. Let me remind you not to something. The reason that this shows up in us in limiting how Michelle appears. My hypothetical if we can get a little mini camera on the back of your car with a wide-angle lens and then a second lens that would look at the speedometer all right and we can put on the back of your car like you cutting now people can talk over here over here and slam on the right bag and want you go zones in Binghamton you will you try that way. Sunday is where you're going is so much more important than everybody else, why you're frustrated when the bank lines of this when you get the longer like what in the world is going on here. I'm the most important person you don't think that way.

That's what you communicate, and when you are short with clerks during the Christmas holiday.

Come on get you like is where you're going and what you're doing is so important you know why because your arrogant that's why because you're proud. That's why because you think the world and universe centers around you. That's why in your same chip that's very strong.

I feel mildly offended. You should know how do I know this been there done that.

Here's what you need understand see in Christian circles, we have seen a problem with that.

That's just the way I am. What proud inpatient. Not gentle: something else unloving and so the only way you changes by practice. Knowing the truth and putting into practice. So I've hello I little things that I didn't periodically and for about a year or two. I did them every day. I'm woefully and I look at all the lines and go to the longest line and waited and then do a little analysis about what's going on in my heart and why am I so frustrated standing here maybe to look at my watch while two minutes and 54 seconds longer, my heart rates down. I'm thinking about other people and so I began the practice of slowing slowing slowing that moved toward leaving 10 minutes early to get to someplace and relaxing. My enjoyment level is gone way up my stress levels gone way down. See here, God is teaching us those difficult people have a purpose.

What he wants to develop in us is this intolerance with appropriate boundaries. Born out of humility, gentleness and patience, but that's not all.

Notice the parallel passage Colossians 3 it's can it teaches that there something else that goes with it.

Forgiveness. Forgiveness is releasing these people from your internal desire to pay them back for the frustration, difficulty and wounds they inflict upon you. The word forgiveness literally means to loose all lack of forgiveness is rooted in one thing you notice vengeance.

Vengeance unities that I can't let go. I can't forgive them because they deserve to get paid.

And God says right so you want me to treat you that way.

No, just kidding about peace as well. Romans 12 what I'm just okay what you take care, forgiving people don't take care, justice. That's what he promises, and lady. After the service last night said what you that forgiveness part that really hit home. She said for 10 years I burned in anger because of how my mother treated me all the years growing up and she said you know, man.

I went to therapy and I went in through really got help. After 10 years I made a choice that I would forgive her. I went to her and explained to her how angry I'd been.

I own my side of it and she turned to me and she said you know something I want you to know that any problem you had with me ever in your childhood was your fault because I never made a mistake ever as your mother and she said it was most liberating thing that ever happened. She said she heard that she thought no wonder I've had problems. Is this a person but I want to spend the next 10 years of my life churning in anger over. She said for the first time I felt sorry for her. See a lot of you will make no progress.

You can get a new lease on life today mean if you only apply one of these four modifiers you can get a whole new lease on life today by forgiving the person that makes you nuts release them from the payback that they feel understand and every holiday may make more crazy. They run relationship with other people. You okay great. Just you keep going to bed with anger fantasies. You keep your stomach acids role in Greenville. God's way. Notice what it says here therefore is God's chosen people.

Colossians 312, holy and dearly loved clothes yourselves with compassion, kindness, the notice or word order, humility and gentleness and patience.

Bear with each other and forgive. How broad is this whatever grievances you may have against one another. References here in the body of Christ. How should you forgive men forgive as the Lord forgave you. How is that unconditional not because you deserved it, and over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect harmony. Those 6 to 9 months with Bob were some of the most difficult my life. I was angry every day, not some days I was angry every day. I had to forgive Bob every day.

I had to be compassionate, patient, or choose to be every day. I had to choose gentleness over the power to kick him out every day. I had to learn daily that humility is the beauty of holiness, and that I struggle with pride a self inflated ego and my ideas of my demands my way. My apartment done this way because of me me me me me was the very reason that God brought Bob in my life. Bob was one of the greatest answers to prayer in my life and it took me 20 years to figure it out because you know something I was like a crash course you know the greenhouse effect you get all the environment just right right amount of sun and water nutrients and and plans can I mean, they can really grow in a greenhouse God put me in a spiritual greenhouse. He saw a guy who struggled with pride. Control anger and power and he thought Bob lists now before you get your enjoying that way too much before you enjoyed that way too much. Where is God working in your life.

What are your issues and could it be that the difficult person coworker ministry partner in law, child, parent, uncle, brother, sister, that your difficult person.

Could it be the God's place them in your life to answer some of the very prayers you been praying for years but you know if you don't cooperate with that. You just have this wall. This wall or you could bear with them. How with humility, gentleness and patience and forgiveness. In fact, let me tell you why it's so important that we bear with difficult people negative for quick reasons. The first reason is that it increases my appreciation of God's love toward me you what I realized I realized in my unholiness and my arrogance in my struggles.

God had to show great forbearance with me how I think I was really trying to work this out with Bob I realized who fall short youthful chip of God standard that the apostle Paul says that's his motivation might shutdown first Timothy 115 to 17 be a good verse to maybe put on your belt since here's a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom he says I am the worst. But for this very reason I was shown mercy.

Why so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his on limited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life dearly say the way God has treated me unlimited patience is an example for others ever think of yourself as a difficult person before God. He shown some patients to you as an second is it demonstrates God's love toward them.

I said there was a good ending to the story. It was a long journey and I, after nine months or so us in different things work out some other people moved into Bob's life after a period of years.

Bob got married unbelievable. I mean he really wanted to. And you know it didn't go well for a long time and that's about mom got there he was very technical in a very keen mind, but his social skills were so lacking. He turned everyone off and I begin to change and they start using that keen mind that technological skill. All the sudden he found a niche and begin to use it in the body of Christ.

You know what God redeemed Bob God rescued a quote difficult person. God is using Bob. Bob is now secure. You know why he's secure because some people not so willingly and others a lot more willingly. Love Bob where he was and didn't pushing on the community but instead said spoke the truth in love, set appropriate boundaries, but wouldn't give up now. Bob is a healthy functioning person in the body of Christ because he got the taste the love of Jesus through the lives of people just like you third reason is so important, it changes me where I need it most. I've alluded to this guy wanted to deal with Ingram's pride in rooms power in rooms anger to use the person to change you and forth.

It communicates the reality and the authenticity of Christ to the world coming.

The magnetic power of the early church centered around this is people that we know can't even like each other love each other. Slaves Masters and the slave an elder in the church and the master just goes to the church want Cynthia to greet each other again the Romans and Jews, no male and females see when we love like this. It is the greatest apologetic powerful.

Therefore it's nonnegotiable seeks how we treat these kind of people is the hallmark the acid test of how genuinely Christlike. We are now flip the pages we go home because here's what I want you to do very simple and give you a very specific game plan and here's the game plan number one, you don't need much time on this.

Identify the most difficult person in your life. They may be in your family may be someone you work with don't write their name down, put a pseudonym or something. All right hey honey, I didn't realize well-known okay.

Second, begin praying every day for this person. For the next two weeks. Anger and honest prayer can't coexist together.

Anger and lack of forgiveness can't coexist long.

Pray for him every day and don't prayer God fixable God change, just try. Oh, God bless him. Okay, third stop, consciously avoiding them, and start seeing them like Christ now appropriate boundaries that doesn't mean you open your home and reopen your group and you let them run roughshod and ruin what God is doing, but with appropriate boundaries. Stop avoiding them strategically determined to look at them the way Christ is as holy chosen and dearly loved forth serve them in some specific way this week. John a minute tell you instead gossiping tell 1/3 party that knows him say something good about never hear about. Get him something small and appropriate. That would really help, but if you like it or not. What did Jesus say love one another, even hard to love. Why, because sometimes the person I most want God to remove from my life is the very person I need in the very person you need right this application today. Just a quick reminder this message how to deal with difficult people in your life is from his series love one another. It was easy to lose sight of the bubble. We live it becomes clear that when Jesus challenges us through Scripture and the status quo's disturbed a little but what if we overcame the fear that rises and made the decision to love one another like Jesus loves us what would happen within our homes or families and/or neighborhoods.

If we took his commitment seriously and really do love one another like that in this series chip explores the powerful possibilities of lives lived according to Jesus radical one another's to take a look at the resource options for love one another, including chips, message notes, check it out online at or Special offers on the app.

For more information just give us a call a triple late. 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003 chip you've got a great application for us today. But before you get there.

I know you have a quick update. One of the great joys of my life is the letters, emails, Facebook messages that I get from people literally all around the country and all around the world and they tell me these amazing stories of how Living on the Edge has been a tool used by God to change their life. Maybe you're one of those people that have really been impacted by the ministry and what I here's this same constant drumbeat of God spoke to me. I took a step of faith. Now God's using me and what I want you to know is that that's the heart of our ministry. We want to help people, not just live like Christians but be ambassadors and agents of change and grace in their homes, their schools and their workplaces. If you're one of those people that God has impacted have a very specific request. Would you consider becoming a monthly financial partner would you pray and just simply say, Lord, if this is part of your desire for me to partner with Living on the Edge on the monthly basis, will you show me and then show me what that looks like and how much what I will say is what ever amount that is it's perfect. Whatever God shows you but what I long to see is people who partner that are on the team a part of the family and we make a difference together each and every day.

Thank you in advance for doing whatever God chose you to do. Becoming a monthly partner with Living on the Edge is easy to do that. Just visit us online at and click the donate button on our homepage with a few more clicks shall have a recurring donation set up and you'll be part of regularly helping others benefit from the teaching of Living on the Edge again to become a monthly partner with Living on the Edge just visit us online at to donate on the app or give us a call at triple late. 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003 chip. Let's get to that application. We promised getting along with the difficult person. This tough calling. This passage is one of the highest and most difficult but we also learned it's the litmus test what God is doing in us personally and as a group I want to review those action steps because I believe God wants you and he wants me to put this into practice. Are you ready step one identify the most difficult person in your life right now who is if you got it okay. Step two. This is tough, but begin today praying for this person every day for the next two weeks. It will be hard and don't pray to God straightens her life out and don't pray that they get easier to get along with.

Pray God's blessing and God's best. Third stop, consciously avoiding them, and start seeing them like Christ does, don't walk the other way choose to make eye contact. Ask God to give you the grace when you're with them to be kind to see in the way he sees him for serve them in some specific way.

This week I made this I mean do something kind for them by an act of the will by a choice empowered by Christ. You don't have to feel it, you can choose to be kind to a person that literally makes you crazy.

Five. Find a friend who in confidence will pray with you and hold you accountable to love this difficult person. This is not going to be an easy process, but when you love the difficult person you are being more like Christ probably than at any other time he loved us while we were yet sinners he accepted us when we were far from him. Ask God for the grace to give a difficult person. What they don't deserve because of what Christ has done and you just before we close. I want you to know that as a staff we asked the Lord to help you take whatever your next faith step is. But there's a way we can be hopeful. We love to do that.

Maybe give us a call at 8883336003 or connect with while you're there, take a minute to check out the resources for this series were many more that might be exactly what you need to help you deal with the difficult people in your life. One glad you been with us and until next time is behaviorally saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge

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