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Effective Parenting in a Defective World - How to Develop Your Child's Full Potential, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram
The Truth Network Radio
October 6, 2020 6:00 am

Effective Parenting in a Defective World - How to Develop Your Child's Full Potential, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram

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October 6, 2020 6:00 am

How do you know if you’re a good parent? How do you measure that? In this message, Chip gives you a matrix - three simple indicators - that will help you measure your parenting effectiveness.

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We all know one thing for sure our kids have great potential. The question is do you know how to develop your child. If not, stay with me. That's what we learned today on the thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge Chip Ingram, Living on the Edges of international discipleship ministry the Bible teaching was no doubt about it the job of a parent is getting tougher challenges face in this program to continue the series effective parenting effective oral five things every kid needs is apparent and wouldn't it be nice to know when you're being so diligent those things are actually sticking chips going to tell you what to watch for to tell you that they are list teaching is so practical you're going to take some notes for hearing.

So maybe do a quick download of trips, message notes are LivingontheEdge.org just click the broadcast abolitionist Filling notes and you're good to go without her strip with part two of his message how to develop your child's full potential when you want to develop obedience. You need understand the age of your child in the moral development because the goal the goals as they learn to obey from the heart.

You and even more importantly than God. Two principles I found sort of undergird the cycle.

One is the principle of readiness and the others. The principal responsibility as if you're sitting there going out like how would you really do this the principle of readiness is stated here is only teacher children what their mentally and emotionally capable of learning.

What I mean by that is, don't don't you hear you got. I see this happen all the time you got this five-year-old and they can only think in concrete terms in and you're trying to teach them something is very abstract. It's much easier to see in the physical realm five-year-old with very few exceptions, have very limited motor skills are still developing five-year-old son develop faster and are ready and able to read and others can't and should but you have been inundated in a culture that says earlier earlier earlier the better. If I don't start early to can miss something and so that's why we have many of you spending most of your life in minivans and SUVs eating in your entire world on weekends and you sports because someone told you that I mean if your five-year-old isn't on a soccer team. Yet I knew what can happen.

And so then when you go to Leica a soccer game of five or six or even seven-year-olds are or baseball game.

You have all these parents screaming on the sidelines and then you have 21 of 22 people all clustered kicking a ball with one kid over sitting like this, picking dandelions, or you have this group is up to bat. Bennett's father pictures this and they're all you know I hand coordination develops later. But someone saw Tiger Woods years ago start really early and convinced all of us that the earlier the earlier the earlier the better the better the better, even educationally, all the research is. This started reading it three started reading before starting at five. I got news by age 9.

They're all exactly the same level but you realize the pressure you what you do to young athletes when their motor skills are developed and in all these you sports you tell me this is Rob there's only like two or three kids that are like the stars right why they developed early so a lot of kids it could end up being great athletes or actually good academically. Their experiences may not five-year-old. I'm no good at seven euros on the good less because their motor skills don't kick in until later, but it is out of our fear instead of our cooperation with how God designed her kids and you know you want a great athlete. This is on my sport psychology background you a great athlete and some you really think it's important just you know and I played college basketball. I coached on for sports go in the backyard with your five-year-old six-year-old seven-year-old eight-year-old kickball invite a few friends over look into their eyes help them learn their skills have him not compare everything she can think that the whole thing about sports as well. I get a really cool uniformity $35.

She's the mom and dad got me and I didn't do anything I do little trophy back about six of them now and and when I realizes what are you good or bad or whatever. You always get a trophies because the world is all about me and I really want to be a narcissist. So thank you for the help and so readiness we we blew it out, you know, just so you don't feel so bad are our oldest is five minutes older than his twin brother and and yet means this is like the control group. Experimental group born same family. Five minutes apart and this one was ready jumped into school mean their birthday is August, you know, so how can they just turned 50 you know we can't be behind you know I get a lot of my kids and so we put them both in school.

Well, one was great. The other my lengthy struggle first grade he struggled by second-grade umpire and I got no money. I'm hiring a tutor to help him read my wife's and then he gets into school later is like every night in third grade. Why is his not very wise father pushed him too hard to early enemies had zero confidence in school now.

He happens to be the one now that has more education than anybody in the family. He's a great student and had nothing to do with intelligence. It had everything to do with readiness pocket tray the story.

When I got my boys and I played baseball in college so I my boy, but baseball right they have no eye hand coordination. They hate baseball.

Why is her silly father wanted to do something that he vicariously got unlucky to go there, you apply whatever may the Lord speak to you if you show this second is a writ is a principal responsibility never habitually do for your children what they can do for themselves. The other mindset that we developed and the busier you are in this, especially if both of you are working what we tend to do is we want our kids to be happy. We want to be successful and there's probably some various levels of guilt and so what we do is we do everything for them and it feels so right because were caring for them.

If you want your kids to grow and learn to obey and by the way, if you want them to have a very positive self-esteem.

You need to feed them responsibility, like vitamins at two years old. He actually can help her three to help make the bed and they do a terrible job and it takes longer, but don't feel like and then you buy five or six.

They have a job and they actually take out the trash and they spill it by seven or eight there on a stool and I get to help a little bit with supper and it takes longer. But, eight, nine or 10, they gather their laundry and they look. Learn how to push this button and that button and they fold them terribly, but 12 1314 they pack their own lunch by the time they're in junior high.

They have their own alarm.

They learn to get up on their own, and there isn't this. What if you get out yet. I'm I mean it's like this part of us. If we could just step back and look at how we parent think what comes out of control here and then I see two parents exhausted working hard, you know.

Either you picking up food all the time you decide we really want to be a kind of family. He talked about eating together, we can eat together. And so the mother is fixing the father's trying to help out and and you know they're just exhausted and there's all the stuff to do one kids playing video games and the other surfing the net and the others, just come hang out got his feet up on the La-Z-Boy going mom, dad supper.

I what's wrong with this picture see every one of your kids have a number of very clear jobs and you give them responsibility and here's what happens to them. They feel and growing confidence they you when you tell someone on the note. I don't don't help me put it in the dishwasher. I can do it I can do it you what you say your kid you not competent you're not worthwhile. You can't make it, and so they were just completely shot. Currently I would just like dismayed like I get a 17-year-old that thinks the whole world is about them that they should go to whatever college they want to because it's about them and you know we went to church I sent to this school. We would have some family devotions and one what happened. After all I did for them will guess what you so when you reap, if we so even unintentionally with the best of motives, all the world revolves around you. You should have the best of this in the best of this and never suffer and if there's a problem with the coach. All stand and if there's a problem at school all go down to the school should give up almost someone else all step and I'll take care of you all take care of you.

Guess what, you have a 17 or eight-year-old was thinking the whole world to take care of them your child's to greatest needs are for significance insecurity. The number one responsibility they have in your number one priority is to teach them obedience and you must you must understand that learning obedience is a developmental process mentally, morally, spiritually and physically. Some accents fourth, you must commit to providing the necessary resources for your children to learn obedience. My dad came out of the generation that you put food on the table and you provide shelter. That's what you do and when you do that you're done, but what what my dad didn't know was that's not God's plan for father you realize so many of these verses. It starts out father's father's father's don't exasperate your children bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This is an article that I've kept in this folder.

It's it's a little bit dated, but unfortunately I don't think the statistics are the title of the article's Fortune magazine. It's why great a executives get an F's parents. It says for all their brains and competence. Powerful successful executives and professionals often have more trouble raising their kids than everyone except for the very poor. Alas, the intensity single-mindedness that makes for corporate achievement achievement is often the opposite qualities needed to be an effective parent goes on and does actual research. It says what AT&T was in the throes of divesting all their operating managers and top executives discovered that their children were the greatest cause of stress among all top executives. They did research, then into their insurance and found that top executives in corporate America, 30% of their kids had psychiatric or outpatient care for depression, behavioral issues or drug addiction. Total normal people quote in the company was about 15% of all I mean is, you know what it is really really hard when you're type a driven focus person make it happen. To raise kids were both significance insecurity happen, but what are the resources that God says develop their heart, their character, their spiritual Constitution. Their integrity is at the end of the day here here's here's the challenge here's the challenge the pressures that we feel is what is my child going to do and accomplish and what God would say is I'll tell you what if you would focus on who do you want your child to become character. You get that one taken care of that one will really do well, but you can get an a in this one and you can get an F on this one and you have decades of heartache, so he gives us that the classic passage on parenting Moses actually is interesting. He's going to write to the children of Israel and the get go into the promised land in their world are going public and I mean prosperity is around the corner I promised it to crossover this time to tell your enemies are going to defeat them.

This can be wealthy didn't exist can be vineyards that rephrasing was not going public. It was land filled with milk and honey, there's prosperity there as well. I think it's good to be great so parents since your kids again have a lot of prosperity. Here's what you need to remember here oh Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one give a 10 underline that you have had the underlying just a few things that I really want you to see this is a resource toolbox that God wants you to put into the life of your kids and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might underline shall love the Lord your God and these words which I'm commanding you today, shall be on your heart underline shall be on your heart and you shall teach them diligently to your sons underlying teach them diligently and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house when you walk by the way, when you lied down when you rise up. And you shall bind them as signs on your hand and they shall be frontals on your forehead and you shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates.

So underline the phrase, shall talk of them not at first hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one that is doctrinal truth. It's a polytheistic world and he says really going to this prosperity, you hear all these messages from all these different gods, all these different religions first thing you teaching the Lord our God is one. There's only one God. It's Yahweh. He's the creator. So parents you have a responsibility to resource your children so they know clear doctrinal truth at various ages. Your kids early on she know God is the creator God loves me. God is a tri-unity as they get older one essence in three persons, God forgives sins on the cross, Jesus is fully God and fully man. He was born of a virgin Jesus is coming back. They need to know the Bible is God's word doctrinal truth.

The second phrase there is personal devotion, you shall love the Lord your God have all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might. More really is Koppen tot. You can send them to the best schools you can come here you can send a Sunday school.

All of that will be for not if they don't catch from you a passion for Jesus, not what you say how you live that they they they walk in the bedroom and the catch on your knees praying you get a big decision and you bring the family together and pray that the there you you're in God's word big decisions about life and work and priorities and what matters and what we can do and what are not going to do your love for God will be caught by them. All the research tells us the kids after the get out of high school, three things cause kids to walk with God in the future. Number one most importantly it's really modeled by mom and dad in real when the home number two, they develop over time of their own personal time with God. It's not your faith, it's there's a number three.

Their mission will they get out and serve and help people on mission projects both locally and around and they realize the rules bigger than them, and God uses you want your kids four years after high school to walk with God.

Those three things are the key and this is a big one third they need biblical knowledge. Notice the phrase here. He says it be on your heart and you shall teach them diligently. I remember when I was 18 and I was brand-new and united know who Matthew Mark Luke and John were I was better with you know, Paul, Ringo and John and George and you know and you know I knew then I can get the Beatles names write love on the gospel names right in and then out it was like people were turned her first Thessalonian in where I look there in Philippi. And something wears that I me I didn't have a clue, but you have to be a parent when there's an issue about temptation. You can turn to this passage and say this is the thesis of the book of Romans what God is speaking to in the book of Matthew is to the Jews. And this is the gospel.

In Mark is written to the Romans and Luke is written to a Greek world, and John is a gospel talks about what it means to believe in Galatians is about freedom and you have to just like like many of you gotten jobs right and in the first job they say hey look, you know, I know you get some good background in your kinda smart, you need to learn this software and its operating system in six months if you can't you can't work here what you do what you do, you learned it or you're on a job site and someone says hey you know your your worker like this, but I want to be make you foreign you learn how to read blueprints or or you get to do this arrest you like what you learned your number one assignment is your kids, but you've got to know God's word so you can pass it on and then their systematic instruction. I mean, you need to meet regularly with as they get older. Now this isn't like okay get that three-year-old out of the Bible for two hours, shut up kid that is not how you do it short, brief, simple stories more complex.

They read it on their own. You sit around the table at dinner and you talk about it. You give him assignments. They read books on their own. I actually bribed my kids to read good books and I didn't feel guilty about it is when my sophomore red mere Christianity and he came home and told me six months later, that is debating with the chemistry teacher about the origins of life I think this is exactly what I want, but you have yet to give them instruction gift of a game plan and then finally there's the informal times you talk of them when when you sit down and when you rise up and walk by the way, that doesn't sound like an compartmentalize life does. It doesn't like okay we went to church. You went to Sunday school. We read the Bible that now. Let's just live like everyone else. This is not an analysis. This is teachable moments you stop with your brother and sister. We just broken her arm and now were in the ICU and there someone who's dying another side of it every moment of every day, and the notice what it says your hands.

It influences your work. The frontals it influences your thinking the doorpost anything that comes in everything and everything would come into your house through the doorpost. Whether it's virtual or people who delight in NY, and the gates how to handle living out in the world and so you have doctrinal truth. Personal devotion, biblical knowledge, systematic instruction and teachable moments and I will tell you here's a little word picture that's been very helpful for me to imagine that okay you know for some of you there there older but imagine life is a car in your son or daughter for all of them get in the car with you and there's a safety manual rules for the road and that's God's word and you drive in there just in the car and they just watch you drive as you follow God's word and then there's a roadmap that gives direction and guidance. And when the early that you later they get it from God's Word and Holy Spirit living in them in your kinda driving that member member when the respondent put them on their lap so they get the feel of it with you as you you want to learn. Finally, their seatbelts and protection and so he drives and you write or she drives and you write but exit this is a very scary time in all parenting and you talk in your courage you correct your firm and even let him hit a few guardrails no head on collisions. But you see what you're doing is is like the responsibility it's like a kite you let out more and more strength and you don't first of who you know and hit the pull back on it, and some have a long tail. Some have a short tail summer box kites and all your kids are differently due to different times. There is no formula you keep given more responsibility consequences gifted jerk a little bit and the goal is you give them the keys they drive the car and they drive the car with Jesus in the car, not you.

And they live the kind of life it's pleasing to God because they learned obedience when they're ready. They learn responsibility they understood. Loving God isn't just an emotional experience, but he who has my commands and keeps them heat as it lets me according to Jesus, and then the huge reward is then my father and I will love them and disclose ourselves to them. Obedience is that channel not only a blessing but it's the agent or means of work people have heart relationship with God. Finally, how do you know when you've done your job. How do you know whether it's really going well or while we we have blown it and need to do some repair. I'm gonna suggest that number five obedience is achieved when your child has transferred his or her primary love submission and dependency from you to Jesus Christ. I hear parents sometimes. I used to say my kids to be independent. I don't want is to be independent. Some of us that in Corpus Christi I know what it's like to be independent right. I know it is like I got all do my own thing my own wife forget you. That was not that was not good for me and that's not good for anyone. What you want your kids to say yeah I respect you, mom and dad and I'm living under your authority and I know you have best and you love mean you set boundaries and it's for me. I get it. Thanks mom and dad. I'm now focusing on the Lord and by the way, you know this happens not because you say well we brought them to church.

This doesn't happen because they went to this school may be in a Christian school. The test is not over doing well academically and the test is not. They didn't give us a bit of problem why they were here before they went away to school. Here's the test. Here's how you know three indicators number one. Three characteristics of righteous children. They make wise decisions.

Philippians 1 says that when we understand and can discern between right and wrong.

They are making it 16, 17, 18, 20 wise decisions about what's righteous and what's not. That's maturity.

Second, they keep their commitments.

Proverbs 20 verse six is many a person or a man will proclaim his own faithfulness, but a faithful person who can find you race kids who they say I will be there at such and such a time, or I will do this or let's meet here or I will turn this in. They keep their commitments. The people of integrity.

But what didn't have a great job if they did nothing else but that they can end up with a great job right those of either supervisors and employees, and business owners and CEOs and COO's and all the rest you can find people just keep their word, you're ready to roll. And third, and maybe most importantly, they genuinely care for others. Their outward focused when Jesus talked about what a real friend was greater love has no one than this, that one lay down their life for a friend and I can tell you what it looks like and what it feels like when you make really big mistakes and I can also tell you that when you regardless of where you're at stop and say in spite of all our mistakes. This is God's game plan to develop develop their full full potential that in the sovereignty and the grace of God. When you see them to begin to live like that. I don't know what your dreams were for your kids.

I don't know what you hope they would do what they would accomplish that. I can tell you this but from Scripture and personal experience grown kids that love God, choose mates that love God, but still want to be around you and have relationship with you is worth more doctorates, more money, more jobs and more success than you can get you lifetimes.

You're listening to Living on the Edge Chip Ingram chips message how to develop your child's full potential is from his series effective parenting in the defective world. If you or someone you know is in the thick of parroting or grandparenting right now. This series offers practical biblical insight to start applying today with all the craziness going on a little sanity, especially for such an important job is parroting will go a long way. Don't miss out on the limited time discounts on all the resources for effective parenting in the defective world, including the book in the small group video study, you'll find all the details and LivingontheEdge.org.

You also find them by tapping special offers on the app or by giving us a call at AAA 333-6003. That's 888-333-6003 trip we talked about the small group study for effective parenting and what a difference. It's made as people journey in process with other parents. But we haven't talked much about the book you wrote. That's really the foundation of the series. Could you tell us a little bit about that, I'd be glad to date. In fact, you know, I wrote my thesis at Dallas seminary. As a young father had the privilege of adopting these two little boys and what I knew was I had no idea how to be a parent and so this book really is about effective parenting in a defective world how to help your kids swim upstream and whether your kids are two or 20. It's a principal base book very, very biblical but mother was what's the goal what's the goal, is it to make your kids happy or is it cooperating with God. So you really learn how to make them holy. How do you discipline your kids in ways that are practical and not overbearing, but where you really teach them to obey and you don't yell you don't scream. You don't have to sit for five times. There is very practical ways to really help parents learn to help their kids reach the potential that God has for them in a so often. I think we missed the point in parenting because we had this fear that were going to mess up and so we parent how to fear instead of out of faith and the other thing is is I don't think we understand the way that God has designed our children in the way that he wants us to cooperate with what he's doing to develop them in the kind of character and in the coming gifts that he's given them to fulfill the purpose that he has for them and I would say that being an effective parent is first and foremost getting on your mind and your heart. What does God want to see happen. My child, and how do I cooperate with that because what you then have is the favor of God and the power of God and the direction of God in and through your child's life.

And so I would just encourage you whether you're leading a group and one have a better resource or times were people really thinking about. I want to be a good parent or I want to give something to one of my sons or daughters that would encourage them to raise their kids in a way that would really honor God and what I can tell you is, would bring great joy. Years later and so it's proven it's tested it's it's what God says about how to be a parent to love your child to set boundaries and help them become all he wants him to become so what, that's a book and hope you get it great.

Well we know it's made a difference for so many now is your opportunity to take advantage of the current disc out and get the book for yourself or someone you know effective parroting in a defective world, you'll find it LivingontheEdge.org when you tap special offers on the app or just give us a call at AAA 333-6003. Again that's AAA 333-6003, just before we close. I want to thank each of you who's making this program possible through your generous giving 100% of your gifts are going directly to the ministry to help Christians really live like Christians. A few found chips teaching to be helpful, but you're not yet on the team. Would you consider doing that today to donate. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org tap donate on the app or give us a call at AAA 83336003 and let me thank you in advance for whatever the Lord leads you to do well. Until next time for everyone this is Dave saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge


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