Relational Intelligence - It's Just Physical, Part 2

What does it mean to be sexually free? Why is there such confusion among God's people around sexuality?

What if sex is more than just about sex? Let's explore that today. Stay with me. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip's our Bible teacher on this international discipleship program, and I'm Dave Druey, and we're in a series called Relational Intelligence.

Relational Intelligence is about the skill of navigating relationships in a way that honors God first and brings us blessing in the process. In our previous broadcast, we heard part one of this message, so if you missed it, maybe take some time later today and listen if you can. There was a lot of great groundwork laid for what's coming in this one. Now Chip's invited his son Ryan Ingram to bring us this message, and he'll be with us after Ryan's teaching to share some additional thoughts, so be sure to stay with us for that.

Well, let's get started, shall we? Here's Ryan Ingram with part two of his message, It's Just Physical. Paul says self-control, the ability to say no, not self-indulgence, is a mark of freedom. And he goes on, so he starts philosophical.

I have the right to do whatever I want, it just doesn't make whatever I want right. Self-control, not self-indulgence, is a mark of freedom. Then he's going to move it theological. And this is so important.

This is so profound. This is where we make this grand disconnect with our sexuality and spirituality. And he says this, all of you, not just part of you, is meant for God. All of you, not just part of you, is meant for God. Notice what he says, the body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord.

Whoa, did you catch that? And we're going to unpack and define sexual immorality in just a minute, but just hang with me here. The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality. Now what we would think he would say right after that moment is, but for like sexual chastity or purity or whatever.

And he doesn't. He says the body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for who? The Lord. And the Lord for the body.

Then he makes a theological argument. By his power, God raised the Lord from the dead and he will raise us also. Jesus was not raised merely spiritually from the dead.

He was raised physically bodily as well. That we too will have a physical resurrection from the dead and that our bodies aren't intended for this earth, but our bodies are intended, heart, soul and mind, all of us for the Lord. See, all of you, not just part of you, is meant for God. The philosophy at the day is Greek philosophy that was embraced as this dualism that your body was evil and your spirit was good. And so you're what mattered is the spirit and the body didn't matter.

You can do with your body whatever you want, and it doesn't impact the spirit. And Paul's saying, nah, all of you, all of you, not just part of you, is meant for your creator. Christopher West said it so beautifully. He said, The sexual confusion so prevalent in our world and in our own hearts is simply the human desire for heaven gone berserk. And so here's what he's saying. If all of us, not just part of us, is meant for God, then sex is more than just about sex.

There's something deeper there. This is why he would go on to say flee, run from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside their body. But whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

Something we all have seen and some and many have experienced is the pain and the regret and the shame and the hurt that comes sexually. He wrote over 2,000 years ago, sins against our own body because sex is more than just about sex. Well, what is this sexual immorality? I think when we think about this idea and sexual immorality, it's like, whoa, like, okay, adultery, right?

I mean, we go to the extremes. This is the Greek word porneia. It's the broadest term for anything that is outside of God's design for sex. And so sleeping together with your girlfriend or boyfriend is sexual immorality. Porn and taking in movies that are erotic is sexual immorality.

An emotional affair with another person who's not your spouse is sexual immorality. You see, what we need to recapture is this vision for our sexuality. That sex was designed by God to express oneness with another person and it's actually this picture of the intimacy we are created to have with our creator. I like the way Tim Keller said it. He said, sex is a God-invented way to say to another person, I belong completely and exclusively and permanently to you. And so he says, man, God says, I created this. I'm not down on it.

It's awesome. And the context is within a covenant committed relationship called marriage between one man and one woman for life. And outside of that, it will create great harm and pain. And it's a way to express the oneness that I've made you for. But it's so much deeper than that. It's a way for you to get a glimpse of actually how I've made you to be in relationship with me. This is why he says, flee from it, run from it.

Like anything outside of God's design, anything that's pulling you away. Like our world, our dating world, like the mantra, like the progression is, you know, you hook up, you shack up and then you break up and then repeat. And that's what you do. You just, you know, dating is expected. You have sex and so you hook up and then you eventually shack up because you're sleeping together.

Might as well live together. And then eventually you break up and you repeat and you go through it. And he says, no, no, no. I have a vision for your life and your sexuality and I long for you to embrace it for your good.

Not because I'm trying to keep you from fun. I'm trying to keep you from pain. And here's the thing we do. We go, well, how, if we're followers of Jesus, we're like, how close to the edge do we get? Right?

How do I get here? Like, Ryan, here's my question. Okay, great. How far is too far? Okay. You know, is heavy petting too far? You're like, did you just say that in church?

Okay. And then like how far is too far? And I just get to this edge and Paul says, no, no, run. Get your running shoes on, put them on and go, you know what, how close can I get to Jesus? That's the question.

Wrong question. Not how far is too far? How close, Jesus? How close, Jesus? And then you just look around yourself, singles, as you run after Jesus, who's running at the same pace with you?

That's a great Marian person. Because sex is more than just about sex. And then he gives you a picture.

He gives me a picture. It's something that you've probably never thought about your body before. And yet it's so true. And if you really get it, it will change the way you think about your body. He says this. Your body is the temple of God. Your body isn't just a random body. It's the temple of God. Notice what he says. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you receive from God? The picture, the same way in the Old Testament, the people would come to the temple to meet with God and that the Spirit of God resided there. And he's saying, now, because of the finished work of Jesus, when you place your faith in Him, the Spirit of God, the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, is now deposited and dwells in you. That you're not just in any body. You are a Spirit-filled body. He says this. You are not your own. I don't know my body, my rules. It's fantastic, follower of Jesus, you are not your own.

Why? You were bought at a great price. The Spirit of God hung and bled and died to buy you back, to bring you from death into life, from an enemy of God to a son and daughter of the King Most High. Therefore, in light of that, I will honor God with my body.

Follower of Jesus. When you step into a relationship, when you invite Him to be the Savior and the Lord of your life, this is what you're saying. I am laying down my rights, my preferences, my desires and my sexuality at the foot of the cross. I am going to follow you, Jesus, and your ways. I am no longer my own, but I am yours. And so, Jesus, you get a call to shots.

That is what it means to be a follower of Jesus. And so, singles, would you refuse the hookup culture? Men and women alike that are medicating with porn, would you come out of hiding? Would you get help and go, no, no, not my way, but your way?

Marrieds, would you not supplement your sex life, maybe with emotional conversations or outside things? Dating, you don't have to move in together to be together. Same sex attracted, where you would say, I'm going to deny myself.

Pick up my cross, which I understand is incredibly painful, and follow you. You know, it's interesting, I have some good friends who are deep, wonderful followers of Jesus who are gay and who are honoring God with their sexuality. This one friend was telling me that one of his fears was to die alone. As he has chosen a life of celibacy and he says, you know, this is where when we talk about family and the church, it's got to mean something. And where the church has really got to return to being the family of God for every person who are followers of Jesus.

Sam Albury writes on this, he's a Christian who's gay, honoring God with his sexuality. He says, we need to recognize the cost of discipleship for everyone. For many in our churches, the cost of discipleship for the LGBT background people looks cruel and unusual.

I suspect in most cases that it's because we're not counting the cost of discipleship in other areas of life. Jesus says, all of us have to say a profound no to some of our deepest longings and intuition. That is discipleship. Jesus says it up front, he doesn't bury it in the small print. The wonderful paradox of the Christian faith is as we deny self, we become our real selves.

This is what it means to follow Jesus. Deborah Hirsch in her book, a great book, I encourage you to read it, Redeeming Sex. It's worth just the opening of her story, like I cried the introduction. I mean, I just read it and wept.

I was just like, oh, my gosh, and seeing how God has redeemed her life. Every human being on the planet is sexually broken. Everybody's orientation is disoriented.

It's not saying, I'm not coming up here going like, I have it all together. So let me start with my sexual brokenness. When I was a teenager, I got hooked on pornography. I brought that darkness into my marriage. It brought incredible pain and heartache. And it's been a journey and a process of God restoring and redeeming and bringing freedom in my life. And still to this day, lust is a struggle in my life. And I'd love to say, healed, when I see a girl, I don't have any thoughts.

No, I'm a red blooded man whose heterosexual has thoughts and I'm being daily redeemed by his grace. Broken, broken. We are broken.

Repentance involves accepting our broken condition and looking to the Savior, Jesus, to fill our gaps. We can't have it on our own terms. We have to accept God's perspective on the human condition. Your body, my body, is the temple of God. And so Relational Intelligence says it has never been just physical, but you already knew that.

Even though it's been pushed down, you already knew that. It's never been just physical, and so I will honor God with my body. No longer will I say I have my sexuality over here and my spirituality over here, but I have me who God created, fully spiritual, fully sexual, and those are actually to work together. So let me give you just a little bit of application.

What does it look like to honor God with your body? Singles, contrary to public opinion, you are not incomplete. You're not lacking. I think we have this desire in our culture, especially everybody has someone to love but me. If you're single, this is what you feel.

You're wrestling with this. And I just, you know, I need somebody to complete me. Here's the beautiful reality of our Savior. Jesus, fully God, fully human, which meant fully sexual, was single but not incomplete. Christianity was actually the first religion ever to elevate singleness. And you can be single, and it does not exclude deep levels of intimacy, and some are single because of circumstance, some are single because of choice, out of honor for God, others are single out of calling. And you can live a full and fulfilled life apart from your sexuality. Like, there's the deep, the pointing of that is the deep levels of intimacy, and it says you don't have to find someone to complete you.

You are complete in Christ. Dating, would you refuse to settle? You go on a date, sex is expected.

You don't want to be weird, I get it. Would you refuse to settle? Would you say, no, no, I'm going to honor God with my body. What does that look like? Where you would put some boundaries in your life, where you say I'm going to run, I'm going to flee, I'm going to run, I'm not going to have this.

I got this from my old youth pastor, I still use it to this day. Dating guidelines, we're just going to go through this quick because we don't have a lot of time on this. But would you say, here's some boundaries that I'm going to put in place that are going to keep me far from, like, anywhere close to that boundary line for my own good. First area, the bikini rule, if you're dating, would you refuse to settle? You go, I'm not going to touch any area that's in the bikini area, male or female.

I am not going to, as the Song of Solomon says, awaken love before it's time. The age factor, if you're dating, would you not get it horizontal? Right?

You get it horizontal, you're watching a movie, you just kind of slide down. The bikini factor, the age factor. Third one, nothing good happens after midnight. The later it gets into the night, the lower your inhibitions, your ability to say no.

You know, like, lots of good things happen after midnight. But would you honor God with your body? And finally, Joe's secret weapon, Joe in the Bible, Joseph, he was pressured, Potiphar's wife, and what did he do? He ran. And for some, you're in that moment, it gets heated, and the only thing you can do is run. And I encourage you, it may be weird, but it's worth it. Run.

Singles, you're not incomplete. Dating, would you refuse to settle? And married, would you water your own grass? Would you water your own grass? It's been said that if the grass is greener on the other side, it's time to water your grass. We look to the greener grass and go, I need to go over there.

No, you're just doing a bad job watering. My brother and I, we have some good friends. It's been a season of heartache and pain. We've watched friends of ours that are close, their marriage of 15, 20 years end in divorce.

One, the wife ran off with another man. We're just watching families being devastated. We're just heartbroken and trying to figure out how to walk alongside. And so this is what my brother and I have been saying to each other.

Water your grass. Because it's easy in the busyness of life to kind of go date nights to slip, right? It's easy to just get caught up with all the stuff that's going on and just go, you know what? You know, we'll put that on the back burner.

The kids need this or work needs this. And then what happens is the grass begins to get brown and you don't notice it. But then you start to notice someone else's grass and you're like, huh.

And so we've seen what we don't ever want to be. And so we just remind each other every once in a while. Make sure date nights with our spouses are a priority. Getting away every once in a while is a priority. When married, water your grass.

It's never been just physical. And so I will honor God with my body. Today, some of you have an incredible decision in front of you in a wrestling.

And there is no shame with God. He says, come to me. I want to give you a brand new start, but you got to come.

Would you do that? May we be a people full of grace and truth. You're listening to Living on the Edge and Chip's with us to talk about the message you just heard. But in case you jumped in late, our guest teacher today was Ryan Ingram. With his message, it's just physical from his series Relational Intelligence. Navigating relationships has never been easy, which is why Chip asked Ryan to come and share these messages that bring such practical applications to the daily challenges.

Culture has a powerful voice that influences our attitudes and our thinking. So Ryan's fresh perspective on relationship building from a biblical point of view provides the tools you may need to make a few course corrections. For a limited time, resources for Relational Intelligence are discounted, and the MP3s are always free. To order your copy or to send it to a friend, visit us online at livingontheedge.org.

For additional information, just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. I'll be right back in just a minute to talk about Ryan's message and kind of what that looks like as you put it into practice. Over the years, I've made an observation that men tend to give love in order to get sex, and women tend to give sex in order to get love.

It becomes a little bartering situation in a game that's played. Apart from Christ at the center inside of the marriage relationship, what you all know in a moment of objectivity is that it creates incredible pain, hurt, disappointment, and rejection. And right now, I want to invite you to join me for a study that can help you grasp and understand how deeply you are already loved because of what Christ has done for you, that you're precious, that you're valuable, that you don't need to give anything artificially to anyone to experience love. But in fact, as you do the daily discipleship with me, we will go through a study of the book of Ephesians where God will help you understand not just in your head but in your heart how deeply valuable and significant you are so that when sexuality becomes the expression of love, it happens in a relationship where there's commitment, Christ is at the center, and there's no regrets.

I hope you'll join me. If you'd like to join these short daily video sessions with Chip, sign up today. Each video session will only be about 10 minutes, and as the course progresses, Chip will walk you through how to read scripture and how to hear God speak directly to you through the first three chapters of the book of Ephesians. Now to sign up for daily discipleship with Chip, visit us online at livingontheedge.org.

For more information, just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. As we close today's program, I just want to emphasize a few, I think, really important and a couple little semi-humorous points that Ryan made when he gave the real specific application. And the major point is it's never been. I mean, sex has never been just physical. It really is about my body and your body belongs to God, and so we're going to commit to honor Him with our body. And so if you're single, you're not incomplete.

There's not some big deficit. You don't have to find someone to complete you, and so don't settle. Oh, please don't settle. Pursue God.

Pursue the calling He's given on your life to make a difference. And in that environment, God's best will show up in God's timing. I love the dating rules, the bikini rule, and I thought that's a good one. The H rule, don't go horizontal. Nothing good happens past midnight.

I love Joe's secret weapon, run. Let me just say, too, those are great ideas and very important things. One of the things I've learned over the years is you have to make pre-decisions. You have to actually visualize in your mind in these situations in advance, this is what I'm going to do.

Because if you haven't, when the temptation starts, if you let yourself in these positions, the best, most sincere Christians and followers of Jesus I know will make mistakes that you'll be very sorry for. And then finally, let me just say, I think of nothing better. After 41-plus years, water your own grass as a marriage partner. You have to be friends. You have to have fun. You have to keep the love alive, the romance alive.

You have to pray together and learn to connect from the heart. And all those things require intentionality and planning. And those things are more important than your work, and they're more important than your children. And if you put those things first, your work and your children, believe me, will fare far better. Thanks for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do. Well, until next time, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.