Are you satisfied with your current relationships? I mean, really, are your current relationships taking you where you really want to go? Is it time to assess and make some changes?
And if so, do you know how? Stay with me. That's today on Living on the Edge. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip's our Bible teacher on this international discipleship program, and I'm Dave Druey. We're currently in a series called Relational Intelligence. As we learned in our previous program, Relational Intelligence is the skill of navigating relationships well. That it's not just the getting of knowledge that's important, but the proper application of knowledge, especially when it comes to the delicate dance of doing relationships. Now, Chip's invited his son, Ryan Ingram, to share this message with us. And after Ryan's teaching, Chip will be with us in studio to share some additional thoughts.
So be sure to stay with us for that. Well, let's get going, shall we, and join Ryan Ingram for part two of his talk, What is Relational Intelligence? Now, if Relational Intelligence or relational wisdom is so great, why isn't everybody doing it? Well, I'm so glad you asked.
Thank you. Let's talk about, I believe there are two main challenges with Relational Intelligence and why this is looked past in our culture. The first challenge with Relational Intelligence is it's countercultural.
It's completely countercultural. This is not the way everybody friends. This is not the way everybody dates. This is not the way everybody does relationships. Let me just say this real quick.
If you like the results that everybody else is getting, then keep doing what everybody else is doing. This is just a newsflash. Following Jesus is countercultural. Christianity, from the very beginning, not just like in our day, from the very beginning is completely countercultural. In fact, Paul, the apostle, when he's writing his letter to the Romans, which is this incredible letter, the first 11 chapters are unpacking the mercy and the grace of God. Like this is what Jesus has done for you. And then chapter 12, he shifts, in light of all that God has done for you. And then he says, therefore, offer your bodies or present your bodies as a living sacrifice.
This is your spiritual act of worship. And then he says this great line, do not conform to the pattern of this word. That word conform literally means to be molded. Don't be pressed in and molded to the pattern or the way that this world goes about dating. Don't be pressed in or molded into the pattern the way that people just tend to do marriage. Don't be pressed in and molded to the pattern of how everybody's going about friendship. He says, no, no, but be transformed. Literally, the word means allow yourself to be changed and transformed.
How? By the renewing of your mind. See what we put into our mind is of principle importance.
See, we put so much into our head that just conforms us to the patterns of this world. Like, I got to get into God's word. I got to get God's word into me. I got to begin to have my mind being renewed on what is true and right. Then notice this. This is so good.
Don't miss this. Then you'll be able to test. That's the idea of testing the genuine genuineness of gold. And approve, like, determine and see that what God's will is. Think about this. God's will is not that he's holding out. God's will is not that he wants the worst for you. God's will, his good, his pleasing and his perfect will for your relationships, for your life. God wants what's best, and you get to experience that when you begin to go, I'm going to embrace the countercultural ways of Jesus and Relational Intelligence. The second reason I think this is a challenge and it's probably the biggest stumbling block for many of us, it's not just countercultural, it's counterintuitive. It's like, wait a second, you're asking me to do what?
The path to experiencing intimate life giving, character shaping relationships is often contrary to what we expect. Now, when Jesus talks about the kingdom of God and the ways that it means to follow him, he talks about it and it's counterintuitive. In fact, listen to what he says to his disciples. He says, whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me.
Which you're going, okay, I want to follow Jesus means I have to deny myself. That's counterintuitive. For whoever wants to save their life, hold on preciously to their life, will what?
Lose it. And whoever loses or gives their life away for my sake will find it. It's counterintuitive. And we see this. You see someone who's consumed with them, consumed with only their things and what they want and what they need. And what happens is they ultimately lose their life. And Jesus says it's counterintuitive. You want to find your life, lose it for my sake, give your life away. You would say things like this.
The greatest among you is the one who serves. See, we have to embrace that Relational Intelligence is counterintuitive. Let me give you a return back, rather, to the swimming illustration. There are principles of swimming that are completely counterintuitive, aren't they? Remember back to when you were learning to swim? Can you think back there and maybe some of you, your kids, or you can think back to when your kids are learning to swim? And one of the principles of swimming is to swim well, you have to put your head in the water.
Right. And you ever seen like a small kid really try to get this? It's just so like, I need to do what?
No. Our fight and flight response tells us do anything but put your head in the water. I put my head in the water. I drown.
That is a dumb idea. Hello. And no, it says like, you know, it is counterintuitive. But when your head is up, what happens? Your body goes down. And at very best, at very best, you can doggy paddle with the best of them. But you never will swim well. I have to put my head in the water allows my body.
To float, and then I'm able to develop the skill of swimming is counterintuitive. And some of you are like, what's wrong with this doggy paddle? Nothing.
Nothing. I just have never seen it utilized in the Olympics. It's completely counterintuitive for the remainder of our time. What I want to do is look at an American relational belief that has informed much of the relational advice that we've accepted. And the American belief goes something like this. I have the right to go about relationships.
However, I desire and still get the results I desire. You know, as Americans, we're all about our rights and freedom. I have the right. Nothing wrong with that.
In fact, many of you moved to America for those rights and those freedoms. And it's like, I have the right to don't tell me what to do. I have the rights. I have the right to go about relationships however I desire. And still get the results.
What's the result? An intimate life giving character shaping relationship that has this rugged commitment to one another. I have the right to do friendships however I desire.
Whether it's being disconnected or just reaching out when I need you and still get the results that I desire. I have the right to do relationships at the workplace however I desire. Whether I'm engaged or disengaged and still somehow get the relationships that I desire. I have the right to date however I desire. My wife and I were watching the opening episode of The Bachelor. Don't judge.
Don't judge. The first episode's amazing because Bachelor Peter has watched his parents' relationships. They have this marriage over 30 years and he's talking to all these women, many of whom he made out with on the first night.
And then talks about this love that he longs to get that will last a lifetime. I have the right to date 30 women at the same time. Sleep with many of them.
Vote them off the island like Survivor. And then sit with the winning contestant, I mean woman. Watch the entire episode's back of how I did relationships with 30 other women. And then still get the result, a love that lasts a lifetime. See, we buy into this because it sounds good. It feels good in the moment. And we don't want to believe that how we're doing relationships will somehow undermine the relationship we often long for. Two or three verses later, the author of Proverbs from our proverb that we said, there's a way that appears to be right, but in the end leads to death, says this. The simple believe in everything.
But the prudent give thought to their step. The simple believe anything. Now, what is the simple? The simple is a young person who is untrained morally or intellectually and therefore gullible. They're naive. They just take in whatever they hear and go, yeah, sounds good.
I'll do it. Yeah, of course. The prudent, however. You see that the simple believe anything, but the prudent, what do they do? They give thought to their steps. See, the prudent understand that all of life is connected. The prudent understand that your past decisions not only follow you into your future, which they do, but they actually direct your future. And so the prudent give thought to their steps.
Now, this is what the prudent understands. When I take a step, it moves me in a particular direction. I take a step forward to take a step back and take a step to the side. I'm moving in a particular direction when I put multiple steps together. Now I am moving along a particular path.
I'm headed in this direction. Every path, every road has a destination. It is taking you somewhere. No, no, Ryan, life's all about the journey, not the destination.
Fantastic. You're still headed somewhere. See, the prudent understand as I'm making these steps and taking these steps, these steps are taking me somewhere. And I understand that all of life is connected.
And so I recognize that there is, even though I'm enjoying the journey right now, there is results or destination that I'm headed towards. And so Relational Intelligence says I may have the right to go about relationships however I want. But I am not free to choose the results I desire. You do.
This is America. You can go about relationships however you desire. But you are not free to choose the results you desire. And so as we begin this journey together in Relational Intelligence, would you take a chapter out of the prudence playbook and give thought to your steps? See, our tendency actually culturally is not to give thought to our steps, but to give thought to other people's steps. Critique other people's steps, talk about their steps and why they shouldn't do what they're doing.
Let's just lay that aside. Let's just give thought to our own steps. So let me ask you, if I continue taking these steps relationally, what is the destination?
I mean, think about it. If I continue to take the steps that I'm taking in my friendships, if I continue to take the steps that I'm taking in my marriage, what's the destination? See, we spend a lot of money on the wedding day and a lot of intentionality on the wedding day and somehow think it's going to be automatic moving forward. My counsel when I talk to newly engaged people is invest the same intentionality and focus on your marriage as you did on your wedding. Spend money on your marriage, not just your wedding.
The single best investment for our marriage is the counseling that my wife and I do regularly. If I continue taking these steps relationally with my coworkers, what's the destination? For some, you are flirting with an affair at work. You're flirting with an affair at the gym. And you're just going, no, no, nothing's come up of it.
It's just a conversation. And you're just allowing little things and you're like, yeah, you're not at the destination, but you're headed in the direction. If I continue taking these steps dating wise, or how about with your family, with your kids? Maybe ask this question just a little different. If I continue taking these steps spiritually, what's the destination? Like, how's your time with God? Is it leading you closer to Him? What if I continue taking these steps sexually?
What's the destination? Or financially? Emotionally? Maybe you just keep giving your heart or maybe you're withholding your heart. You're keeping your heart from people.
How about vocationally? And for some, there's the way you're going about your work is undermining the long term relationship and impact with your kids. And some of you are running and going and you never see your kids, all with the mode of, I want to have a better life for my kids.
Your kids just want to have a life with you. If I continue taking these steps relationally, what's the destination? For some, you're wrestling because you're like, okay, Ingram, what about if you've already taken a lot of steps down those paths?
What if you've taken a ton of missteps? What about me? Where I'm at? Think back to that definition I gave us earlier. An intimate, life-giving, character-shaping relationship that has a rugged commitment to one another.
I don't know where you're at, but here's what I do know. Jesus has made a rugged commitment to you. It was displayed on the cross and he said, I don't care where you're at, what you've done, what your background is. I have made a rugged commitment that says I'll go to any lengths to bring you into relationship with me, to bring you into my family on the cross. And so instead of running from God, feeling this voice of shame and guilt, like you're not good enough, you just simply run to him. You just confess like, God, I need you and you already paid for all this and you knew I was like my brokenness. And you said, I'm going to take care of it and you want to welcome me home. And so instead of going like, man, I'm just no good, I can't do this, and we get into that just negative self-talk, go, no, no, my God already did this. And so I'm going to run to him. I love the person, I don't know who said this, is though I cannot go back and have a brand new start, I can start today and have a brand new end. And it's true for you because of the cross.
I like how C.S. Lewis said it. He said, we all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about turn and walking back to the right road. In that case, the man who turns back soonest is most progressive. Would you give thought to your steps? And would you say maybe you're down the road?
Help. I have the God who's made the rugged commitment to me, who loves me unconditionally and has invited me and I'm going to realize I'm going that direction. I'm stopping, I'm coming towards you and there's no shame, there's no guilt. It's just come to me, loved one.
He says, welcome home. You're listening to Living on the Edge and Chip's with us to talk about the message you just heard. But in case you jumped in late, our guest teacher today was Ryan Ingram with his message, What is Relational Intelligence? Navigating relationships has never been easy, which is why Chip asked Ryan to come and share these messages that bring such practical applications to the daily challenges.
Culture has a powerful voice that influences our attitudes and our thinking. So Ryan's fresh perspective on relationship building from a biblical point of view provides the tools you may need to make a few course corrections. For a limited time, resources for Relational Intelligence are discounted and the MP3s are always free. To order your copy or to send it to a friend, visit us online at livingontheedge.org.
For additional information, just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. Well, Chip, for a couple of weeks now we've been inviting people to do the Daily Discipleship with you, and that begins soon, on Monday, September 14th. Can you describe what Daily Discipleship is and what folks can expect when they sign up for it? Dave, the Daily Discipleship with me is meeting one-on-one and teaching people from Ephesians chapters 1, 2, and 3 how God sees them. We'll learn some Bible study methods, we'll do a little journaling, we will actually learn how to meet with God.
You know, Relational Intelligence, at the core of it, is actually understanding how deeply you're already loved so that you can give the love of God to others. So let me invite you, if you want to really practice Relational Intelligence, join me for Daily Discipleship with Chip. If you'd like to join these short daily video sessions with Chip, sign up today. Beginning September 14th, Chip's going to sit down with you to do a brand new Daily Discipleship study. Each video session will only be about 10 minutes, and as the course progresses, Chip will walk you through how to read scripture and how to hear God speak directly to you through the first three chapters of the book of Ephesians. To sign up for Daily Discipleship with Chip, visit us online at livingontheedge.org.
For more information, just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. As we close today's program, I love the way Ryan quoted C.S. Lewis, and he said that, you know, we can have a brand new start, but to have a brand new start means that once you realize you're on the wrong road, progress means turning around. And he reminded us that because of what Christ has done, that our sin, our guilt, our shame, the things that would make us want to run away from a holy God, those barriers, they've been removed. And because of that, Jesus would say in his day, walking upon the earth, and he says as loudly or more loudly by the Holy Spirit speaking to you right now, come. Come, all of you that are heavy-laden with the weight of your sin and guilt, your shame, your struggle, it shows up most profoundly in our relationships, in the rejections that we've experienced and the people that we've rejected and the barriers and the things that we've crossed, the things that we know that we've done wrong and the people that we've hurt. God would say to you, today you can have a brand new start, but it means that you have a change of mind.
The word is repentance. It means you turn from your way and your direction on this day at this moment and you say, oh Lord, I know I need forgiveness and so I'm coming. I turn from my way and I ask you right now, please forgive me of all my sin based on what Jesus did upon the cross. Today I believe, Lord Jesus, you died in my place. Today I trust that you rose from the dead and in doing that you offer me new life. And so I take you up on your promise when you said you knock on the door of my heart, if I would open the door you would come into my life and live with me, forgive me, save me and make me your own forever.
Right now I do that. Come into my life, make me your son, make me your daughter, I believe. And Lord, I thank you that for every person, whether they're on the side of a road pulled off, driving in their car, in their kitchen, or have paused on a treadmill, to pray and ask you to forgive them and come into their life, will you grant them to grace, to text or call the greatest Christian that they know?
Would you direct them to a Bible-oriented church and then Lord would you just give them that great desire to go online quickly to livingontheedge.org where they could click and we could give them some help, some resources to begin to grow in their new life in Christ. Thank you very, very much. Amen. We just want to help you get started on your new journey of faith. Well, that wraps it up for this program. Be with us again next time. And until then, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.
