It All Begins with God

Today I'm Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. I would guarantee today. that each of you listening to my voice If you have a problem in your world, it's probably with another person. You know, relationships are the greatest and the worst things in life. And when they're not working, Nothing else seems to matter.

If you're struggling in a relationship, there's something foundational that every good relationship is built on. And that's what we're going to learn today. You don't want to miss it. Welcome to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Have you ever walked away from a conversation with your spouse wondering how something so small turned into something so big?

or found yourself completely baffled by why your teenager does what they do. In our series, Caring Enough to Connect, Building Bridges to Those We Love, Chip is teaching some of the most practical, life-tested principles on what builds good relationships. Not theories from a textbook, but truths he's learned the hard way, over more than three decades of marriage, parenting, pastoring, and counseling people just like you and me. Today, Chip lays the foundation for everything else coming up in this series. Because before you can talk about communication or conflict or forgiveness or trust, there's a deeper question that has to be answered first.

Where do you actually go to learn how relationships are supposed to work in the first place? Chip is convinced there's only one place to start, and once you see it, he says you'll never approach a relationship the same way again.

So let's get started with today's message titled, It All Begins with God. I have a strong sense that as I talk with people and what's going on, that we need to give people some very practical ways in terms of relationships. And so these are the things that have most impacted me. These have been the principles that have helped me build relationships with friends. And over years, I came from a dysfunctional family.

My wife did, and probably all of you did too. It's just how much, right? It's fallen world. But both of our dads were alcoholics. And if you know anything about how all that works, it creates systems that are pretty unhealthy.

And so Teresa and I have had to work very hard at getting our mind renewed and saying, God, we have deep imprints about how families work, and what we actually know is how they don't work. And we need to learn your way. And so that's been a lifelong journey.

So, what I'm going to share, I'm not going to say is anyway from Mount Sinai. I'll give you the biblical principles. But what I will say is, these have been the most important. Principles that have helped me build friendships where it's heart-to-heart, you're connected, they're honest, and it's real. And by God's grace, have four kids that grew up and love God and still like to be around us.

And as parents, you know, that's that's sort of what you dream about, and you kind of wonder sometimes if that'll ever happen. And so, principle number one may sound so simple, but maybe it's from my background. Is principle number one: it all begins with God. It all begins with God. There are lots of voices that will tell you how to do relationships.

I mean, you can turn on the TV and there's a zillion talk shows and amazing interviews. You came from a family background.

Some of you came from an amazing Christian homes.

Some of you, like me, didn't come to Christ until you were an adult. You know, every movie that you have seen unconsciously has told you this is how to be a parent, this is how to attract the opposite sex.

So you've got books, you've got movies, and the now. I mean, if you have a question about anything, right, what do you do? Google. I mean, you can Google anything, you know.

So you just get on there and you Google, and well, this is what you do, and the experts. And guess what I'd say? is the most important principle in my life has been It all begins with God. God has lots of truth through lots of experts. I'm glad for all the disciplines of social research and psychology and people's experiences and great talk show hosts, but I got a news for you.

God created me, God created you, and God created relationships. Would you jot down and then turn in your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 9? Verse 10, just one verse. Proverbs 9, verse 10 says, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

You need to understand in Hebrew literature the word Wisdom is not intellectual capacity. A better actual fundamental word for us would be skill. When the temple was being built, it says God gave them the skill or the wisdom to build the temple, to have the ideas, to have the skill. The Hebrew concept of wisdom is this: it's understanding how God designed life. And then cooperating, having the skill to follow it his way.

So, the fear of the Lord, a reverence for God, the idea that God has spoken about relationships, and you so revere and are honestly afraid to do it any other way, knowing he's good and he loves you. But the fear of the Lord, God, I mean, I appreciate, I bet Oprah has some really great ideas. I'm sure there's some good stuff on the internet. I'm sure that multi-billion dollar self-help industry will have a few keys. I know there's good counselors that have good things, but my authority, I'm gonna begin.

The fear of the Lord is: I wanna know your wisdom, I want your skill to know how to have great friendships and a great family. I want to hear from you and your word. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. In other words, the authority I'm going to submit to, I'm going to learn from. And so, for me at 18, I realized I was introduced to the Bible of which I'd never read.

And I decided this is going to be the basis for how I'm going to do relationships.

Now, it took me two or three years as a Christian trying it my own way and having some not good results. Realize that God has wisdom and knowledge for me, skill to do relationships His way. And God gives wisdom, but here's what you got to understand: He doesn't give wisdom for you kind of to check in on, you know, like Lord, I would kind of like to know what to do as a parent, or Lord, I'd really like to know as a single person how to relate to the opposite sex, or Lord, I'd really like to know what you want me to do in this special situation with one of my kids, so that I can compare that with all the other things and then kind of decide what I want to do. He doesn't work that way. The idea of the fear of the Lord is: God says, if you will seek me and my word, and if you will do If you commit to do whatever I tell you in advance, 100% of the time, I'll show you what to do in every circumstance.

You might jot in the corner of your notes there since you're making your own. James chapter 1, verse 5. If any man lacks wisdom, and this is Jesus' brother James, this is the very first book written in the New Testament.

So it has a very strong Hebrew tint to it. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men generously and without reproach. But let him ask in faith without any doubting. For the one who comes in doubt, and the idea of doubt here is not questioning God's existence. The one who comes, it's the word, the one who comes with a double mind.

The one who comes schizophrenically, literally, saying, God, I really want to know what you want me to do so that I can decide if I want to do it or not. Let not that man or let not that woman expect anything from the Lord. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and there's more coming up in just a moment. But first, stick around after today's teaching. We'll tell you about a resource built to help you have real gospel-centered conversations with the people in your own life who feel far from God.

It's called Not Beyond Reach, and it might be exactly what you need for that one relationship you've been praying about.

Well now back to today's lesson.

So the very first principle for me that's so basic is God. I want you to know, and here's the practice, is that I want you to know I'm going to make your word my handbook for relational guidelines. I appreciate my family background and they had some good ideas. I'm sure there's movies that maybe are going to give me a great idea about how to do relationships. I thank you for all the books and the Barnes Nobles and Amazon.coms and all the resources everywhere.

But I'm going to filter everything I ever read through your Spirit giving me clear direction from your word. And so for me, the most fundamental principle was it all begins with God. And so the practice was to systematically study what does God say about relationships. See, that's if you want to do relationships God's way. And by the way, imagine if you will, the way God has it planned is He loves you, He's good, He's died for you, He cares for you.

I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. He has a wonderful plan for your life. And so, as a loving, caring Father, He says, Look, I made you, I made marriage, I made parenting, I made singleness, and the road that you follow is like a winding road, and I've put guardrails, commands, and warnings. And if you will follow this road that I've given you, you're going to end up on the top of this mountain in a beautiful chalet. With the people that you love, with relationships intact.

But when I say turn left, you need to turn left. And when I say turn right, you need to turn right. And when I say slow up, you need to slow up. When I say speed up, You see, you need to do relationships my way, and I've given you direction from my word. I've placed my spirit in you to nudge you where my word isn't clear on things, and I've put my spirit in the community of other believers to give you wise counsel and to model and to mentor.

And so most of what I've learned has been from the scriptures and from good models and good mentors about just wanting to do relationships God's way.

Now, what do you do, however, if uh You don't know much about what God has said. I was a long story and I won't go into it now, but I had the privilege of adopting my first two kids. And uh so I'm married like maybe about a year, and I have two five-year-olds. And I don't have a clue about how to be a dad. My dad was a good moral man, a strong ex-Marine.

I learned discipline, but I didn't know how to be a biblical dad. And I don't know about you, but all that schooling that you have to have, I never liked writing the theses. I had to write one for West Virginia University and one for Dallas Seminary. And I just thought, boy, the last thing I want to do is do a zillion hours of research on some topic about some Greek word of ancient civilization. That sounds boring.

So I decided I would take advantage of this opportunity. And so I wrote my thesis on the role and responsibility of fathers in transmitting values in the family. And I didn't do it for them. I thought to myself, I don't know how to be a dad. But if you got to write a thesis, and so what I did is I looked up every verse in the Old Testament and the New Testament on fathering and parenting.

And I categorized every single passage. And then from my psych background, I did empirical research about fathers and sociology and psychology to find out, you know, why people became juvenile delinquents. And I took all the Bible said and all the sociological research and I put it together and I came out with some basic principles about what makes fathers effective in transmitting values in the family. But that started me on a journey of saying: if you want to know something, intensively study. And so, you know, some of you are saying, you know, I'd like to have a better marriage.

Do you know God's wisdom on marriage? Not what someone else says, not just something here or there. Have you ever studied specifically what God says?

Now, is that pen still hot and fiery and the ink ready to roll? I want to give you, by way of application, specific passages to get you going if you're going to make God's Word your handbook for relational guidelines. If you're a single person, Let me ask, jot down 1 Corinthians chapter 7. It's the most definitive passage about actually what you'll find out is everyone thinks being single is bad. The Bible's going to say, actually, single is pretty cool.

And instead of being incomplete and you don't have anything to offer, you have some great advantages. If you're a married person, let me suggest Ephesians chapter 5. The second half of that chapter will tell you: I'm a man, I need to do this. I'm a woman, I need to do this. Here's my role, here's my responsibility.

If you're a parent, the two key passages will be Deuteronomy 6. in Ephesians 6.

So I'm a single person, I'm going to start studying. There's a lot more, but 1 Corinthians 7. If I'm married, I'm going to look at Ephesians 5. You know, if I'm a parent, I'm going to look at the first part of Ephesians 6 and Deuteronomy chapter 6. And then if I'm unequally yoked, what if I'm married to someone that either is an unbeliever or they said they're a believer, but they have no interest in the things of God?

Well, what do I do? How do I relate? God, give me wisdom about this relationship. 1 Peter 3. Jot that down.

Well, Chip, you know, that sounds really neat and that's really wonderful, but I'm divorced. Does God say anything? What can I learn about the wisdom of it? It all begins with God. How can God show me and lead me if I'm divorced?

Matthew chapter 5. Matthew chapter 19. And 1 Corinthians chapter 7. He'll give you the clearest explanation of where you are, what to do, how to handle it, how to respond. And for some of you, the relational issues aren't so much family.

Maybe you've come from great homes and you've had good models, good mentors. Anyone have any struggles in the business world on relationships? You know, what do you do? When should you take a loan? When not to take a loan, who should you hire?

How do you deal with employees? How do you deal with bosses? If you want good quality business relationships, just jot down the book of Proverbs. Multiple, multiple times. You know, the book of Proverbs is about wisdom.

And so many times, this sounds kind of crazy. I've taken multicolored pens and I read through the book of Proverbs and like in pink or red, anything to do with like family relationships, I underline. And then I categorize them all and I begin to look at that. Anything to do with money, I underline it all in green. Get it?

Green, money. See what I'm saying? And then you take all those and you begin to categorize them and say, What does wisdom say about money? And then pretty soon what you find is you begin simply to say, God, My heart is, I want to do relationships your way. You have given me wisdom.

And here's what I can tell you: it's not simply the content. You understand what I'm saying here? It's not simply that you get all that down and you study it. It's the process of studying it and discovering it. It's you saying with a yearning heart, I'm seeking you about this.

You can listen to 5,000 people that know lots about marriage, but it's amazing you might study Ephesians 5 for yourself and read a verse, and the Spirit of God takes that verse, encodes it in your heart, and then a little click occurs and you begin to respond to God and He gives you power in a fresh new way that makes a radical change in your relationships. And so it may sound overly simple, but I've just decided that the most important thing I've learned about all relationships is the principle: it all begins with God. You're listening to Living on the Edge with a message titled, It All Begins with God. Continuing our current series, Caring Enough to Connect: Building Bridges to Those We Love. This study came out of Chip's desire to share what he's learned from scripture and personal circumstances about how life works and how it's possible with God's help to build really great relationships.

He talks about our hopes, our insecurities, and our frustrations, all in the context of relationships.

Now, this may be a series you want to listen to again or send to a friend, so let me remind you: the place to go for all of Chip's teachings and resources is over on our website, livingontheedge.org.

Well, Chip, would you take a minute here and give us a little more on the whys and the wherefores behind this study, and why it's especially relevant today?

Well, it was an interesting situation after, you know, I've been a believer quite a few years, a husband, father, pastor. And I got talking with.

Some people, and they just said, What are the biggest things you've learned about relationships? Not teaching through, you know, a book of the Bible, or but I mean, what have you just practically learned? And I thought about it. I came from a really loving home, but it was a dysfunctional alcoholic home. And so, I learned a lot about how not to do relationships.

I learned how, you know, to avoid conflict at all costs, or to please people, or I learned to fear speaking the truth and love, or that the goal was to make everyone happy. And there were certain things we all knew were wrong, but you never, never brought those up. And after I came to know the Lord, all those things surfaced in my marriage and relationships. But as I got into God's Word, as I studied the scriptures, as God brought good teaching into my life, as I had mentors, and then honestly, going to marriage counseling early in our marriage, a number of things like, oh, wow, I've like been totally. Messed up on relationships.

And I've been working on these for about 35 or 40 years. And so I put them in the form of super. Practical principles that I just have to tell you have revolutionized my life, my family, and I think a lot of the people around me. And so, what we wanted to do at Living on the Edge was kind of lean back, and yes, by and large, we're always going to teach right through books of the Bible or scripture, but we're going to take. A number of key principles that I think if people latch on to these, it will really help them.

And each time you listen to a message, there'll be something very specific to apply. And then I think you'll see God works, and that's our goal. You know, loving God and loving others is the great commandment, and that's all about relationships. We want to help people do them and do them well. Thank you, Chip.

Well, that kind of honesty is so rare, isn't it? And it's exactly why so many people trust what Chip teaches. He's never asking you to do anything he hasn't already wrestled through himself, in his own marriage and his own family. And if you want more encouragement throughout the week, you'll want to follow Living on the Edge on Facebook and Instagram. Just search Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

And to catch this whole series on your own schedule, be sure to subscribe to the Living on the Edge podcast wherever you listen.

Now, if today's teaching hit home, if you're realizing just how much you absorbed about relationships without ever choosing it, we encourage you to take the next step with Aaron Pierce's book titled Not Beyond Reach. It's not a general book about relationships. It's written specifically for the relationship that feels the hardest right now. The son or daughter who's stopped believing, the grandchild who thinks truth is fluid, or the friend who embraces culture that goes against God's word. Aaron walks you step by step from friendship to real spiritual conversation to the gospel itself.

You can get your copy of Not Beyond Reach for a special price today at livingontheedge.org slash offers. For more than three decades, this ministry has existed for one simple reason, to help Christians truly live like Christians, by working every week to build and deepen our relationship with God. The impact of that kind of teaching reaches homes in ways you don't always get to see. Marriage that gets a second chance, a friendship rebuilt after years of silence. And friend, none of that happens without listeners like you standing behind it.

Your gift today keeps Living on the Edge on the air, bringing practical biblical truth to people exactly when they need it most. Join us as a monthly partner or make a one-time gift right now by simply going to our website, livingonthege.org. Or call our team and give over the phone by dialing 888-333-6003. Again, that's 888-333-6003. Or if you'd prefer to send your gift by mail, just write to us at LivingOnTheEdge, P.O.

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Well, now here's Chip Ingram with some final thoughts to share with us. As we close today's program, we covered a lot of material and Very, very important material.

So let's pause for a moment. I want you to lean back if you're on the treadmill or driving in the car. Number one, I want you to remember what I read out of Proverbs chapter 9: the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. In other words, God has a way. He has a way for all of life to work, and he has a way for relationships to work, but it begins with a genuine, clear, accurate knowledge of him.

And so, one of the things you need to kind of think about today is how am I doing relationships and am I willing in my heart of hearts to say, you know, if God designed me, if He made people, if there is a way that make relationships work, am I willing to follow that? Because if you're not, what I can tell you is, you know, you're just going to keep repeating the same kind of things with different people. The names change, there's conflict. And at the heart of all that is what we don't realize is that the way God wants relationships to work, where your interaction is built on respect and kindness and patience and truthfulness and faithfulness, and where you're willing to sacrifice and where there's genuine generosity. The fact of the matter is God wants us to treat other people the way we want to be treated.

We can't do that in our own power. And so that's why the title of this, It All Begins With God, I wasn't trying to be funny. I wasn't trying to be cute. What I want you to know, you want a great marriage? You want a great friendship?

You want to have that connection with your kids where they grow up and you're really friends and they respect you? I'm just telling you, you can either do it your way and through pop psychology and try hard and blame and manipulate and shift and struggle. Or you can say There's been a manual written by the creator of relationships and he wants to teach me. I need to get into his word. I need to be around people that are committed to these kind of relationships.

Are you ready for this? I need to go to a local church that teaches his word. I need to have friendships and I need to be in a small group with real community where I can learn because you left yourself and me left to myself. I'll be patient on my terms. I'll think I'm generous when I'm doing it for ulterior motives.

It all begins with God, and as you begin to experience the way He relates to you and out of His Word and the community of God's people, I am telling you. You can revolutionize your relationships, but it starts with honestly saying, I'm going to commit my way to live my life. and do relationships his way. And you know what? We all need to learn how to do that.

And so let me just pause. This is big. Father, I pray right now Every person hearing my voice, would you bring to mind the relationship that matters most to them? And would you give them grace? Grace to begin to think how to give instead of take.

Lord, how to receive rather than blame. And Lord, how to begin to be a follower of Jesus that says, Lord, teach me to do relationships your way. And I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. I'm your host, Dave Druy.

Next time, Chip goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden to reveal the one thing every single person on earth has in common.

So be sure to listen then on the next edition of Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge. Uh