Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. I got a question for you. When you talk to your spouse, Do you feel like you're on the same page? Or is there a lot of miscommunication or unmet expectations? Are you frustrated that you feel like you're not being heard or really understood?
Would you like to learn how to really communicate better with the one that you love? If so, stick around. What's the secret to communicating love to your spouse? It's not just about better techniques or learning to express yourself clearly. Today on Living on the Edge, Chippinggram reveals something deeper.
Biblical communication is the transfer of God's love through you to your make in meaningful, supernatural ways. Think about that. Other than Jesus himself and the Holy Spirit, you are the primary agent of expressing God's love to your spouse. That's both sobering and empowering. But today Chip is showing us biblical, concrete steps we can take to transform the way we communicate.
Well, here's Chip with today's message titled, Effectively Communicating God's Love to Your Mate. The greatest thing you can do for your marriage Yeah. Draw closer and closer and closer and closer. to walk with God. The only one that can ever satisfy the deepest needs of your heart and your life.
is Christ. The only way that you or I or anyone will be able to treat our mates in a way that will cultivate and develop them becoming who God wants them to become? is when God gives that to us. By the Holy Spirit, through the Lord Jesus, through His Word, and the community of God's people. And so it's super counterintuitive.
We're all human. We just so want that other person to come through for us. And so, what I want to do now is, I want to talk about how to effectively communicate. And when I talk about communication, not so much in the classical the meeting of meanings. That's, I think, a good definition of communication.
It's the privilege of exchanging vulnerabilities, in the words of norm right. It's the process of sharing yourself verbally. and non-verbally in such a way that the other person can both accept and understand what you're saying. What I want to do is I want to talk about how do you Communicate. God's love to the person he gave you.
I want to encourage you. that biblical communication is the transfer of God's love. And underline each one of these words, in meaningful. understandable Supernatural ways. Through you to your mate.
It's kind of hard to grasp that other than the Lord Jesus Himself. Other than the Spirit of God living inside your spouse, the number one agent. of expressing God's love to your mate is you. Isn't that I mean that's that's sobering. Our text is Colossians chapter 3, verses 12 through 17.
And it starts out with what we already possess.
So, as those who've been chosen of God, holy and beloved. Put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Yeah.
So putting on a heart of compassion, compassion is empathy to action. versus being cynical. You talk about something that will change your marriage more than any technique or any skill. you start putting on a heart. of compassion.
Empathy is the first step to every great relation. It's beginning to look at life through their lens. The second, he says, put on a heart of kindness. Kindness is whatever is helpful. beneficial.
versus being critical. To begin to see your mate and get up in the morning and say, What would a kind act look like? What would uplift her day? What would make his day? What small thing could I do?
What word of encouragement? What's something that's special to them? It's just being helpful. Third. is humility.
means putting their needs first. It's the posture of a servant. Philippians chapter 2, verses 5 through 11 are the key passage. We're told, have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus. Although he existed in the form of God, he didn't regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself.
Literally, he veiled his attributes. taking the form of a bond servant, and becoming obedient to the point of death, even death On a shameful cross is the idea. Therefore God highly exalted him, it goes on to say. And because of his humility, every knee will bow, every tongue will confess in heaven, on earth, and under the earth. That Jesus Christ is Lord.
And his humility was he left. The worship of angels. As the most supreme creator, sustainer being who spoke the galaxies into existence. and came born as a hopeless vulnerable babies by himself. And that he went through the rigors of Humanity?
And rejection. He came to his own and those who were his own. did not receive him. And Why? It was for the joy set before him he endured the cross and the.
In the omniscience of God, looking down the tunnel of being outside and seeing all things of time, He saw you. And he said, it is worth it to leave that glory. to take on human flesh. to live a perfect life, to die for you. unfairly.
to be rejected. To be stripped naked. To feel the rejection of the Father when He took your sin and my sin. And and he says Remember when he told the disciples, this is sort of missing in Christianity today. He didn't say, follow me and you'll feel good.
Follow me and you'll be happy. Follow me and you'll be upwardly mobile. Follow me and everything will go out right. Follow me and all your desires will be fulfilled. He said, follow me.
Take up your cross, deny yourself. and walk in the same manner that I walk, Because unless a grain of wheat fall into the earth and die, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it brings forth much fruit. At the heart of my human marriage struggles, I need to die to myself. And I need to be co-resurrected and live with the perspective.
To put on a heart each and every day. The reason I go over this each and every day, I pray this each and every day. God, today, please give me a heart of compassion, first for Teresa and then for everyone I meet. God, please give me a heart of kindness. Help me to see through your eyes.
I was yesterday just in between times, and I went to a little coffee shop and I got a cup of coffee, and there was a Um Let me just say this nicely. A very sad, unattractive woman who gave me my coffee, and I asked her, How are you doing? And she looked at me with these sad eyes and said, Okay. And she didn't have to say much more, but there's a man that... That gave me a checkbook and he put $5,000 in it.
And he says, Meet me in three months. And I have money, but I don't have a whole lot of time. I own this company, and you're a pastor in this high-need area. Whenever you find someone that can't pay their electricity, you find a girl that was going to abort her baby, whatever you need to do, you just, just for me, you just pay for it. And so I found myself in these early years And And at first it was like this huge responsibility.
And then it was like, I kept this checkbook back in the days when people had checkbooks. in in my back pocket. And I mean, I'd be at a grocery store and here'd be a young mom and I found out she was abandoned by her husband and three kids and they're crying and you know that she's putting groceries back because she can't afford it. I was able to come by and say, no. I ended up walking around the grocery store and I heard her story and I paid for all of her groceries and I filled her car with gas.
Who do you think left filled with joy? And I made that a habit. You know, in the early years, I couldn't do very much, so maybe $5 bills, and then as life got a little bit better, $20 bills. You know.
So life even got a little bit better. When I travel, just certain times, I keep like $400 or $500 bills. And I just think, God, if there's someone. You know the the the people I'm in airports a lot, you know those people that They clean the restrooms and the airports. I walk in and I see a man who's, you know, 66, 68, 70 years old, gray, bent over.
And at this stage of his life, he's cleaning the trash cans in airports. This isn't natural for me, but God, I want to see him. He's so valuable to you. Does anyone say that I want him to know? And I keep those $100 bills, and just only when God prompts me, say, excuse me.
Thank you so much for what you're doing here, keeping this clean. The Lord Jesus told me that He knows what you're doing and He sees you and He cares about you. And I give Him, I just fold it up so He can't see how much it is. And then I leave. You know who's changed the most?
Me? It's not because I gave him $100. It's because, because it's in my pocket, I'm looking every day for someone that God wants to be kind to, that He wants me to be the conduit through. Do you understand what happened? New classes.
You look differently. This is what he's saying. This is, and if that happens out there, can you imagine what would happen if you said, oh Lord, what would it look like to be generous to my husband today? What would it look like to be generous to my wife? or one of my children.
Give me a You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll continue with Chip's teaching in just a minute. The message you're hearing today is part of our series, Choosing Love. If you want to dig deeper into these powerful principles, the complete series is waiting for you online at livingonthege.org. You'll discover additional teaching, downloadable resources, and study questions to help you apply these truths.
Visit us online at livingonthege.org.
Well now let's get back to the message. The next is gentleness, it's strength under control. Especially your emotions. Matthew 11, 28, Jesus, it's that great invitation. People were hassled and stressed out and You understand what when Jesus came 80% Eighty percent of the Roman world was slaves.
Rome was just flat brutal. I mean, the majority of small children died. The rule of Rome was when a child was born, it was brought to his father. If it was a girl, often I don't want a girl, and they would just be killed. It's in this harsh Just terrible environment.
Jesus said, Those of you that are weary, Come to me. Take my yoke upon you. and learn from me, here's our word, for I am gentle. and lowly of spirit. Take my yoke upon you.
My burden is easy, my load is light. It's a picture, you know, of the oxen that are. That have this yoke, and Jesus says, I'm on this side. I want you to come and let's do life together. This isn't a God whose arms are crossed and toe-tapping and, you know, looking at your morality.
And why don't you go to church more? Why don't you read the Bible more? You know, why are you looking at pornography? And why did you blow up one more time? Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
This is a God who says, Aren't you tired of all of that? Come. Let me walk with you. I'm gentle. The word was used in classical Greek of a wild, powerful stallion.
that had been tanged. In other words, it's extraordinary power under control. Jesus didn't Stay on the cross because he had to. Jesus stayed on the cross because he was gentle. His power was under control.
He didn't demand his rights for legions of angels to come and say, This is unfair, this is wrong, wipe him out. He goes, No. I am willing. to withhold my rights. and channel my power.
for the benefit of others. It's the opposite of being harsh. demanding Arms crossed. Those looks that say to your mate, did you do that again? The look that says, don't you ever do anything right to one of your kids?
It's gentle. It's approachable. Put on a heart of patience. It means to endure with a good attitude. 2 Peter 3.9.
Says, you know, people, he was talking about you know He's coming back. And everyone goes, Yeah, yeah, right. He's coming back. You've been saying that for a long time. And Peter says, You don't understand.
God is not slow, as some think slow. For to him, a day and a thousand years is the same. He is Patient. Macro thumus. Can you hear the two words?
Macro thumb. Fumos Heat. Let's disperse. wants all to be saved, to all to come to repentance. It's putting up with.
enduring. One more time, one more time. I'm not going to give up. We're going to keep working at this. Jesus was patient with the disciples.
Do you realize the only time, read all the Gospels? and then list all the things he criticizes them for. All the times he comes down on criticizes him. We get one clear time when Peter Gets very self-focused in his agenda and his kingdom. I can't imagine Jesus looking you right in the eyeballs and saying, get behind me, Satan.
The only time he reproves them is, oh, you of little. Faith. Did you ever wonder?
So, what does God really want from me? How do you become a good Christian? I mean, what's he really, really want? You ready for this? They asked him that in John 6.
He said, This is the work of God that you believe. and whom he has sent. You know the greatest question you can ask yourself every single day? You might write this down. What does it look like to trust God in this situation?
What does it look like to trust God with how he's acting right now? What's it look like to trust God with these finances? What's it look like to trust God with this deployment? What's it look like to trust God when the biopsy report comes back? Positive.
What's it look like to trust God with a wayward child? What's it look like to trust God when you don't like where you live? What's it look like to trust God with overcoming the infidelity of your mate? What's it look like to trust God with the infidelity that you had? and the guilt that you share.
See, you can be moral, you can go to church, you can read your Bible. Without faith, it's impossible to please him. Faith is nothing more or nothing less, is believing in God's character and God's promises to the point of acting on them. Faint isn't some ooey-gooey feeling. Oh, I think I got it.
Think I got 10? I believe you. I believe you. Faith is a picture of a bridge. And we think faith is this rickety bridge, like on one of those Indiana Jones movies, and there's missing pieces and they're superheroes, and oh, we're going to make it.
And they take two steps and they almost fall through, and then they get to the other side, and we think, oh, Indiana Jones Christians, they have such faith. That's not faith. This is faith biblically. Steel concrete's three feet thick. It's the object of your faith.
God says this will hold me up. Mm-hmm. Let's walk across. That's why you don't need a lot of faith. Jesus said you need the faith of a mustard seed.
It's the object of your faith. What if there is an all-powerful, all-knowing God who died, rose from the dead, who dwells inside of you, and the same power that raised him from the dead dwells inside of you, and a Apart from Him you can do nothing, but in Christ you can do all things. And you just say, okay. I can forgive him.
Okay, well I guess we'll cut our budget. I don't know how we're going to make it financially, but we're going to keep moving forward.
Okay, it's a wayward child. We can't control him. If we're going to trust God, We're going to get good counseling. Here's the path. Lord.
You love him more than we do. You love her more than we do. Sneak. Patience. I'm going to give you just a little tool.
You can write it at the bottom of the page. I call this little tool. I know you really care when.
Okay, just write that. I know you really care when.
Because some of you are thinking, I want to be compassionate and I want to be gentle and Okay, Chip, I really want to be all this, but I'm not sure what it would look like. I can't read her mind. I can't read his mind. Here's what you do: there's a little column. And, you know, if you're a husband.
You write Um I know you really care speaking to your wife when you one, two, three. Just write the top three. You can go five if you want. But I mean give her a break. Just write, I feel loved when you, and just write the top three things that when she does them, you feel loved.
Ladies, you write. Here's the top three things. You can go four or five. I feel most loved when you and just write them. And then just exchange with.
So we've made this whole thing about it has to be so spontaneous, and if he could read my mind, or if she would only know. You know, I did this with my wife, we were struggling. The counselor gave us this tool. Everything I give you, I got out of counseling.
So, but uh it's like, okay. Here's the top thing. When you take out the trash, when you help with this, when you help with the kids' homework, I'm thinking. What in the world has this got to do with love? And finally I said, it doesn't matter what I think.
If this makes her feel loved, guess what? I love her. Guess what? I made a vow. Guess what?
I'm committed to her.
So she made a list, and I just decided I'm going to do at least one of those things every day. If nothing else, at least, you know. Every day, she is going to get loved by me with some compassion and gentleness. and vice versa. Try it.
You're hearing Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, teaching us how to put on hearts of compassion, kindness, and gentleness in our marriages. Chip will be back with final thoughts in just a moment. As you think about communicating God's love to your spouse, I want to tell you about Chip's newest book that perfectly complements what we're learning. It's called I Choose Love. Here's the powerful truth this book unveils.
Love isn't just something that happens to you, it's something you can choose. Chip shows us that agape love, the kind God has for us, isn't built on feelings or romantic notions. It's characterized by sacrifice, putting others' interests first. If you want real, actionable strategies to see love transform your life, this book is for you. Get your copy of I Choose Love by going online to livingontheedge.org.
You know, every day Living on the Edge reaches people with biblical teaching that strengthens marriages and families. Couples on the brink are finding hope. husbands and wives are learning to truly connect. And, friend, this ministry exists because partners like you make it possible. When you give to Living on the Edge, you're investing in marriages, families, and the next generation.
Would you join us? To give, visit livingonthege.org or mail your gift to Living on the Edge PO Box 3007 Atlanta, Georgia 30024. You can also call us at 888-333-6003. And be sure to subscribe to the Living on the Edge podcast, featuring uncut sermons through the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you listen.
Well, now here's Chip with some final thoughts. Before we go any farther in this program. I want to talk to those of you who when you were hearing the words of Jesus, come unto me, All of you that are stressed out, that are working hard, that are overwhelmed. Whose life's not working, your marriage isn't working, you have anxiety, you have fear. You wonder about the future.
Come. Come, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. And you may have been listening because you wanted to grow in your marriage, but what he's saying is. Let me love you first, receive my life.
forgiveness.
So that you have the resources and the ability to love your mate in an unconditional way. And if you don't know Jesus personally, If he's not a part of your every day, of your waking moments, of a personal relationship with him, his offer to you is come. Come as you are, You don't need to clean up your life first. You don't need to try and get everything right. You need to come and admit.
I'm not perfect. And he says, Jesus paid the price on the cross, And His gift to you is His righteousness and His forgiveness.
So that when God looks at you when you receive Him, you have a perfect score because it's not what you have done, it's His forgiveness in your place, His blood shed for you and His resurrection that has saved you, and it's a gift. But he says it is by faith. That you receive this gift. And let me encourage you in this moment to lift the empty hands of faith. and say, Lord Jesus, you said come.
and I'm coming. I confess to you that I've sinned. I need you desperately. I believe you died in my place. I believe you rose from the dead.
I'm asking you, come into my life. save me, make me your son. Make me your daughter. And if you just prayed with me, could I encourage you to call or text the greatest Christian you know and say, I just prayed to receive Christ. I asked Jesus to come into my life.
I'm not sure what it all means, but I know I need help. You know, the hardest thing to do in my whole married life is to give my wife what she needs when I don't think she deserves it. And it wasn't until my walk with Jesus Christ grew that I could begin to love her. the way he loves me. And that's my dream for you, and that's God's dream for you.
And that's the basis and the heart of a great marriage. How often do you and your spouse have deep heart-to-heart conversations?
Well, I'm Dave Druy, inviting you to discover how to communicate God's love more effectively next time on Living on the Edge. Bye. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge. Uh
