Today I'm Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. For over 30 years as a pastor, I have counseled couples and I will tell you one thing. When they lose hope, when they think there's no hope for their marriage, their marriage usually ends. How do you keep hope alive? How do you build hope into your marriage so that it will endure, so that it will last, so it gets better and better?
That's today on Living on the Edge. Stay with me. Hope is the oxygen of the soul. Without it, marriages suffocate. Today, on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram continues our series called Choosing Love by revealing the secret to keeping hope alive in your relationship.
Through Jesus' words to his disciples in John chapter 14, we'll discover that hope isn't just wishful thinking, it's rooted in planning. When you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Chip will show you practical ways to create a roadmap for your marriage that builds hope for tomorrow while helping you navigate today's challenges.
Now let's join Chip Ingram with today's message titled, Planning. How to strengthen your hope. As we get started, I have on my wall, and I... You know, I haven't memorized it, but I read it almost every day because left to myself and you left to yourself, we all focus on, you know, what about me, right? You know, my needs, my will, my desires, this is what I want to see happen.
And on my wall. is this prayer. It says, Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. And where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is sorrow, let me sow joy.
Where there's injury let me so pardon. Where there's darkness, let me sow light. Where there's despair let me sow joy. O Divine Master, grant that I wouldn't seek so much to be consoled. as the console.
to be understood. as to understand. As to be loved As to love. For it's in giving that we receive. It's in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it's in dying that we're born to eternal life. And that's attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi, but You know, this series is about four biblical practices that great marriages have in common. And the first one is about love. And it's a process and it's a journey, but I think one of the most fundamental shifts if you want a great marriage. is that this will only be a great marriage, not if or when my mate changes.
But when I begin to serve them, as an act of worship of serving him. with the recognition that I don't have the power to do that. See, every relationship is either on an upward spiral of growth and kindness and love or He did that, so I do this.
Well, you know what? She said that to me, so I'm not going to do that. And then pretty soon you play this silly game. And you both lose. Love is the foundation of any relationship.
But the oxygen What brings it forward is hope. And I want to teach you now the second practices great marriages have in common is hope. And if you'll open your Bibles to John 14, I want to show you, in the midst of a desperate, desperate crisis, how Jesus is going to give his disciples hope. and follow along as we discover how he does it. Peter said to him, Lord.
Why can I not follow you right now? I'll lay down my life for you. Jesus answered at the end of chapter 13, Will you lay down your life for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, a rooster will not crow until you deny me three times. Then he shifts gears.
Do not let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe also in me.
Well, why? In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If we're not so, I would have told you. for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to myself.
That notice the focus, that where I am, There you may be also. Their greatest fear is abandonment, and he's promising: I'm gonna prepare a place.
so that we can be together. And then he goes on to say, and you know. the way where I'm going. And Thomas said to him, Lord, we do not know the way that you are going. How do we know the way?
And Jesus said to him, I am the way. Literally, that word is road, hadas. I'm the path, or I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my father also.
From now on, you know him and have seen him. I mean, these are great questions. Philip goes, well, you know, maybe I've missed something in this three years, but Lord, show us the Father and it'll be enough. Jesus said to him, Have I been with you so long that you have still not come to know the Father? How can you say, Show us the Father?
Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you, I do not speak on my own initiative, but the Father abiding in me does his work. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Otherwise believe because of the works themselves, speaking of all the miracles they've seen. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in me, the works that I will do, now listen to this.
There's going to be hope because there's a place. There's going to be hope because I'm going to come back for you. There's going to be hope because you don't really get it, but. I am. I am God, and so I'm going to keep my promises.
Then notice he's going to say, there's hope. Because I'm not only not going to leave you alone, but I have a mission and a purpose for you. I say to you, you will also do greater works than these, because I go to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, that will I do, so the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, notice I will do it.
If you love me, you will keep my commandments. I will ask the Father, and he will give you another helper, speaking of the Holy Spirit, that he may be with you forever. That is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive. because it does not see him. or abide in him.
Or know him, but you know him because he abides with you and will be. Notice it's all future. and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you.
After a little while the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Because I live, You will live also. In that day, you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. He who has my commandments and keeps them is the one who loves me, and who loves me.
Well beloved of my Father, And I will love him. and my father and I will come to him, and I will disclose myself to him. The command is: do not be afraid. In other words, don't let fear or anxiety, he's speaking to his bride. Men, as we go through this, I want you to be thinking first and foremost about what your role is.
Because you're supposed to love your wife, how? The way Christ loves the church.
So first He says to his church, you don't need to be afraid. And you don't need to be anxious. Because I'm going to take some responsibility for our future. It's a man's role. Second.
He says why? Because I'm not going to abandon you and I'm not going to leave you. A woman's greatest fear is abandonment. One of her greatest needs is security. And so Jesus says, You don't have to be afraid, you don't have to be anxious.
Why? I'm going to secure a place. And isn't it interesting that when Jesus leaves the disciples, there is a place. Not some, you know. Mystical floating around.
There's an actual place. And there's a place of dwelling, there's plenty of them, they're for you, and I'm going to go prepare it for you. And I'm going to prepare it for you because not only there's a place, there's a relationship. And I want you to feel secure and know there's hope for the future because I promised to come for you and I've prepared a place for you. And then he tells them, by the way, there's a strategy to get there.
We're not just moving. There's an actual strategy that you can know how to go from where you're at in your anxiety and fear to where we're going to be. And often, Don't don't we Memorize verses and quote them, and sometimes we get them so in our mind.
Okay, I'm the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except by me. I got that down. Jesus is the only way, He's truth. You know, this is where He reveals His deity.
I am the Father, one. We get all our theology. Do you understand in the context? There were some very scared young men. Who he was telling them there's hope There's there's It's on my word.
And I want you to know there's a pathway to this hope that you can trust. There's a game plan here. It's not like I'm just coming home and saying, I got transferred or I'm taking a new job and there's not a game plan and a timing. And he wanted them to know, how are we going to get from point A to point B? And basically said, I'm the way.
I'm the path. And then the thing about hope is But what's the purpose? Why are you leaving and why do we have to relocate? And he goes, you will do greater works. And so he tells them there's a place.
It's rooted in a promise. He tells them there's a way to get there. And then he tells them, I have a purpose for you that everything that you have seen me do, you actually are going to do greater works. And I want you to believe in me. And if not for all of our time and intimacy and relationship, at least look back on all those miracles and know this is the way.
See, he's building a very clear pathway so they can know, you know what? What's he going to tell him later? In the world you're going to have tribulation. But I've overcome the world. My peace at the very end of this chapter I give to you.
And all of it is rooted around hope. Uh You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip will continue today's message in just a moment.
So stay with us. If today's teaching is resonating with you, there's more where this came from. The complete series, Choosing Love, is available right now at livingonthege.org. You'll also find study notes, discussion questions, and resources to help you go deeper. Everything is waiting for you online at livingonthege.org.
Well, now let's continue with Chip's message.
Someone has rightly said hope is the oxygen of the soul. Hope is a picture of the future. That says that what we're doing today is going to produce a better tomorrow. And enduring the grind of the todays, and the struggles, and the challenges, and the little hurt feelings, and the downtimes, and the illnesses, and the hurt, and the kids who are going astray, and the people that are. Treating you unfairly.
The anchor of your soul is: there's this hope. And ultimately, yes, it's heaven. Ultimately, it's Jesus coming back. Ultimately, no one has the power to make you happy. But if you're a follower of Christ, He's told you, I am your living hope.
I am your security. I am the deep well of your life. Where's your hope in your marriage? Is your hope that someday, some way, everything's going to be perfect? Is your hope someday she's going to be more affectionate?
Is your hope someday we can really have a nice house and when all that happens, everything's going to be wonderful? Is your hope somehow if I, you know, make some career moves, then we'll make more money and then everything's going to be okay? Is my hope, do you understand every single one of those is circumstantial? And every single one of those can happen tomorrow. And here's what I can tell you about you and me and our fallen nature.
Give you 30 days, and your hope will be on something else. That's right. Just a little bit bigger house. And wishing you didn't have so many kids. Ha ha ha ha ha.
And what Jesus is telling us is There's going to be challenges. It's part of living in a fallen world. First, it's this attitude of serving your mate that makes no sense. And you keep doing it when it works, you keep doing it when it doesn't work, and you do it as an act of worship to God. And over time, A transformation happens in you.
You become more and more like Jesus. And all I can tell you is that when someone becomes more and more like Jesus, she's more and more attractive, or he is more and more attractive. Yeah. My wife's really attractive. She's very kind, she's very loving, she's very other-centered.
That was not how she always used to be. And I spent most of my energy picking apart what I didn't like about her instead of the 90% that I did like about her. And God wants you to know that serving is the first step, but you have to have hope. And the way you have hope is you have to have a plan. I mean, so can I just give you some a couple principles and then I want to get real practical.
Here's the principle. I mean, this is from Jesus. Long-term planning provides hope and perspective to overcome short-term pain and challenges.
Now just tell me, am I just reading too much into that? Does he give them a long-term plan or what? Hey, here's the long-term plan. You're going to be with me forever. I got your back.
I'm coming back. No matter what happens, how bad, how hard, I'm coming back, and there's a place for you. Long-term plan gives you perspective. And hope. to overcome short-term pain and challenges.
Second, great plans provide a specific path and create hope for tomorrow and forever. Great plans don't just say, hey, someday, some way he could have said, okay, guys, I'm going to go to the cross a little bit later. I'm going to go prepare a place for you. Ready? Break.
See you someday, some way, somehow. No, no, a great plan is yeah, that's the long-term plan. But here's where you are today. There's a specific path. There's specific things we're going to do.
Literally, there's mile markers that we're going to look at that are going to move us forward so we can see we're making progress. Third principle is hope rises and falls with how we keep our promises. The most devastating thing we do to one another And we all do it, is when we tell our mates something and then we don't follow through. Breaks trust. What do we know about Jesus?
I would encourage you, you know, read John chapter 14, and you can even read 15 and 16, and every time the word I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, underline it. And you know what he's saying? I will. I keep my promises. I'm preparing a place.
And did you get the why? See, I meet a lot of Christians that believe God loves them. I don't think they really believe He likes them. And oh, yeah, he loves me, but I need to do this, and I need to do this, and I need to do this, and I know I don't measure up. Do you realize that just you sitting, Wherever you're at, whatever level of maturity, with all your issues, that if Jesus walked through those doors in his resurrected body and sat down with you, he said, Do you want coffee or do you want tea?
And you would sit across from you, and he would just be delighted to hang out. And so. Do you see the promises that he makes? And so then the application is Practical. If you, this is from my marine father, so don't look for this in the Bible.
But I heard it so much, it's up there in the Bible with me. Chip? Do you fail to plan? Does every person know that one? It's true.
And you know, you plan for a career, you plan hopefully for finances, you plan for so much. Here's my question: What's your plan for your marriage? What's your plan for your marriage? Because if you don't have a plan then you don't have a lot of hope. Because planning, you know what the word planning is about?
Planning is the presumption that there will be a future and that you're doing some things today and you're looking into the future and saying, these are the important things that we are going to do, and they're things that you look forward to. Planning is sort of a thread that takes hope, and the hope pulls you, but it pulls you because there's a plan. I cannot tell you. I mean, my wife and I... argued, struggled, you know, we did the roll in bed, you know, face the other wall.
Um And we made a plan. The plan was we would have a date every single week. It would be on Friday, before breakfast. We would eat and we would spend about three hours together. We would take a walk, we would do whatever.
But during that three or four hour block, she knew she had me, no phone, no interruptions, and anything and everything that was building up in her heart, she knew I'm only six days away from unloading. And what it gave me was six days of her not unloading a little every day, causing conflict.
Okay. And it wasn't like it was just conflict resolution. We had a plan. What we knew was we were terrible communicators. We didn't know how to resolve anger.
We didn't even know when we were angry. We had to have a counselor teach us when you're like this.
Okay, she's passive-aggressive, and she buries her anger, and you verbalize your anger. Oh, so that's why you do this, she does. Oh, okay.
So we have.
So if we had to learn when we were angry.
So I like right after supper? I mean, just 15 minutes. We did it three times a week.
Okay, honey, this sounds so artificial. How did your day go? Superficial.
Okay, great. How did your day go? Great. What are you concerned about?
Well, This, this, this, and I shut up. You can't fix it, just shut up. What do you wish? Oh, I wish one of our sons would not be so much this way and I'm concerned about our other sons dating a girl. You know, I wish I felt better.
I've got, you know, this really situation. And what are you willing to do? And in 15 minutes or 20 minutes, I mean, we learned. to not just bury stuff. but get all the things that are weighing us down out on the table, And And then a question that you didn't have to do anything.
What are you willing to do? And what happened is I... in 15 minutes every other night at least. I found out this is the burdens, and she heard mine. I mean, she would ask me, How'd your day go?
It's fine. And she wants to talk and well, I mean, well, how do it really? It's fine. This church had a lot of meetings. A couple of people came to Christ.
It's great.
So what's up? I mean, you know, and I can't understand why she thinks we don't communicate, right? I told her. It was fine. That's not what she wanted to hear.
How did you feel about it? What was going on inside, you know, right? This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, wrapping up a powerful week in our series called Choosing Love: A Daily Decision That Changes Everything. Chip will return with final thoughts shortly. To share today's teaching with your spouse or a friend, go online to livingonthege.org.
Now, if you've been challenged this week about planning and building hope in your marriage, you'll want a copy of Chip's newest book, I Choose Love. Chip pulls back the curtain on his own marriage: the struggles, the breakthroughs, the hard-won lessons about communication and hope. This book gives you the practical roadmap you need: how to schedule meaningful connection time, what questions to ask each other, and how to turn conflict into progress. Real strategies from real experience. Get your copy at livingonthege.org.
Well, here's something powerful. Marriages on the brink of divorce are finding hope through Living on the Edge. Couples who couldn't communicate are learning to connect. Husbands and wives ready to give up are discovering practical tools that rebuild intimacy. This happens because biblical teaching reaches them right when they need it most.
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Well, now here's Chip. As we close today's program, you might have been thinking initially.
Now how is this really going to help me in my marriage? I mean, Chip, you're talking about Jesus in John chapter 14 and him speaking to a group of disciples.
Well, let's pause for just a moment. Who has had the greatest love for his bride than anyone in the world? It's the Lord Jesus. And the very last thing he did before he left was first to serve them. And then, second, he provided a plan.
I know that doesn't sound like, wow, so romantic. I would love to have a plan. But it's a long-term plan. It's learning how to have a plan not just for this week or this month, but what are we going to do for the next three to five years? What's our plan for the next 10 years?
And you don't have to have a lot of spreadsheets and be super detailed, but it is in the practice of planning that sets expectations, that says to your mate, this is going to work. This is how we're going to make it work. That's why I wanted to teach you: Jesus models for us what we need to give our mates.
Now, for some of you, you are planners and you love to plan and you want to plan out the weeks and the months and you get calendars out. And there's others of you that are very spontaneous and love is about the moment and enjoying their right now. I happen to be more of the last. category and I happened to marry a planner. And what I found early in my marriage, and then in the big times when we really struggled, what I didn't provide for her was clarity, a plan.
What we're going through right now, how does that fit into the longer term? How are we going to get over this hump? You know, maybe you have a new child or a third child, or maybe you've relocated, or in my case, we started a new ministry. What I failed to do early in my marriage was to do what Jesus did with His disciples. Think through what was coming up, where the challenges were going to be, and come up with a plan that made for special time together, that our marriage was a priority, that we would work through things together, where we set expectations.
Now, In our next broadcast, I'm going to get super specific about the practical implications and then I'm going to give you a tool that we have used for decades in our marriage that has allowed us to endure. and then endure. and then endure in the midst of some really challenging times and it's given us hope. It's so worth it. We're going to learn to plan in order to plant hope in the hearts of those we love.
I'm Dave Druy, and that's all our time for today. We'll see you next time for part two of our lesson called Planning, How to Strengthen Your Hope. Join us Monday for Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge. Uh
