Today I'm Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Let me ask you a question. Do you have memories that are so painful and difficult that you become an expert at actually shoving them down so you don't have to think about them? Would you like freedom from that pain? Would you like to see some real positive results come out of the suffering in your life?
Today I'm going to share four insights that can transform how you respond to suffering. That's today. If you only had 365 days left to live, What would you pass on to those you love most? Not your money or possessions, right? It would be wisdom, faith, and values that would sustain them long after you're gone.
Well, today on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram confronts a sobering reality. We've spent more time planning our financial inheritance than our spiritual one. He challenges us to intentionally transfer what matters most, starting with the hardest lesson of all. Spoiler alert, life is gonna hurt, betray, and test those we love. The question isn't whether they'll face suffering, but whether we've equipped them to respond with faith.
And then just after today's message, Chip will explain a fabulous opportunity to participate in the match that's available right now. When you give to Living on the Edge, it'll be doubled in size and impact.
Well back to the series, Leaving a Legacy That Lasts Forever. Transferable concept number one. And this may sound strange, but teach them to suffer well. Teach him to suffer with you.
Well We have raised a generation of people when they think of suffering. The only concept they can think of is how to get out of it, how to limit it, and how to avoid it. Those whom you love. How will they respond to suffering? Because they're going to get it, right?
Someone's gonna walk out on them.
Someone's going to betray him.
Someone's going to talk about them.
Someone's going to steal their money.
Someone's going to talk about him in church. Right?
Some of them are going to get cancer.
Some drunk driver is gonna go left to center?
Some of them are going to have a kid that dies prematurely.
So are they prepared? I mean, in your spiritual will do you have Phase number one. I will teach them to suffer well.
Now, I'm going to give some real practical ways about how to do that. Before I do, I want to ask you a question. How do you respond? to suffer. How do you respond to injustice?
How are you responding to some things your ex-mate has done to you. How have you responded to losing your retirement? How have you responded to the false accusations that were made about you at work or at church? How have you responded to a physical infirmity that just seems unfair, and no matter what you do, you just can't get your health back? Because here's the deal.
Here's how life works. A disciple is not above. His teacher. And when a disciple is fully trained, Luke 6:40. He'll be just like his teacher.
And I would like to say that the way you do this is you write, learn to suffer well. I went to this seminar, and here's the notes, and here's how it works. But I got news for you. You know how they're going to respond to their suffering? The way they watch you.
You cannot impart what you don't possess. Modeling everything we're going to talk about will be the most powerful means of communication because far more is caught than is ever taught. And so I've asked myself: so, when I am suffering, do I blame others? Do I whine? Am I the topic of conversations?
I'm a victim. It's difficult. He ran out on me. This guy did this to me. I can't believe this.
It's Hollywood's fault. It's education's fault. It's the President's fault. It's Congress's fault.
Well, now it's the Supreme Court. It's fault. Wine, wine, wine, victim, victim, victim. Is that how you respond? Or is it denial?
I'm just not going to think about this. I'm not going to talk about this. I'm just going to bury it. Or is it anger? Bitterness.
Lashing out. Or is it guilt? You know, some people respond to suffering. I know I did something terrible. I'm the most terrible person in the world.
It's all my fault. I mean, you know, there's the whole cosmos, but it's really all your fault. And then you live with this guilt, and then you pass that on, and your kids, or disciples, or grandkids or friends they suffer in the way they watch you. And if you're a whiner, they whine. If they feel guilty, like watch you, they feel guilty.
If you're a blamer and a screamer and a bitterer and a denier, that's what you're going to produce.
So, as much as we're going to talk about how to pass on the things that matter most. there's going to be a pretty heavy-duty application about asking a pretty gut-level question. is boy, I need to suffer well. I need to manage my wealth wisely. I need to work into the Lord.
I need to make great decisions, right? I need to be what I want them to become.
Now, that's sobering, but here's the deal: you can't do it. Right?
I can't either. It's impossible. But Christ can do it in you. And Christ can do it through you. And sometimes we listen to these commands of God.
It's like, God, I can't do that. Yay! I mean, I'm thinking, now you're on the right track.
So, I need the strength of your word. I need the community of your people. I need to ask. I need to trust. I need to take steps.
And when you do that, You can, by the power and the grace of God, suffer well. And they will watch that it's not you, but it's the Christ in you empowering you to do that. And that's really what you want to pass on, right?
Now, let's get real practical in terms of okay.
Okay, I got the theology chip.
Now, how does this work? I mean, you know, roll up the sleeves with me. How do you grow through suffering?
Okay, I know I need to do it. I need to pass this on to kids and disciples, to co-workers, church members, men's groups.
Okay, how do you do it? Let me give you, you know, four real practical ways. Number one, teach them to face it. to identify what they're concerned about. Teach them to face it.
I mean, it sounds so basic. Help them to identify, and here's a key word: what they're concerned about. We all tend to repress, we all tend to avoid, we all tend to deny things that are difficult. And when we just do, we just push them down. And all the psychologists will tell us as we push down hard things 95%.
of all depression, His anger turned inward. A lot of our migraines, a lot of our stomach problems, a lot of our health issues are we suffer, and I don't want to face it, and so I push it down. And that's a pattern. You don't talk about things. You don't share anything.
You don't ever, you know, in other words, anything you say where you're being honest about where you're struggling, like, hey, no complaining in this house. Hey. We're going to be positive around here.
Well, you need to be positive, but you also need to be honest. Help them think about it. Help them talk about it. Help them write it down. One of the most powerful questions I know, and around our supper table growing up and with my wife on a regular basis, we still do this little exercise.
Ask them this question: What are you concerned about? And then, by the way, don't fix it, don't interrupt, and don't tell them that you shouldn't be concerned about that. Everything's going to be okay. Duh. That's not helpful.
The goal is not that you fix it. What are you concerned about? Oh, nothing.
Well, no, no. I mean, just tell me. I mean, say it's one of the kids, a teenager. What are you concerned about? Okay.
I I don't know.
Well, I mean, y you're in football trials, are you concerned you might not make it? Yeah, maybe.
Well, how's it going? Not very good.
Well, how come I dropped a bunch of passes in practice? How are you feeling about that?
Well, this young kid, he's only a freshman, man. He was catching him in. What are you concerned about? And shut up. What are you concerned about?
What else? What else? What else? I've grown kids now, and they have little kids, and I'm learning this. There's this new world.
I like to hang out with my boys, and I've always been able to kind of talk, and we'd play basketball and do stuff, and then we'd be sweaty, and we'd sit down and talk.
Well, now they got these little kids. And every time I'm around, little kids, little kids, little kids. I haven't had a meaningful adult conversation with my sons in like a year and a half. I mean, you know, a snippet here, a snippet here. And Teresa and I were talking about this, and so she came up with this plan.
I'll have everyone over for dinner. And then, I don't know, it wasn't like as, don't, it wasn't as well planned as I'm going to make this sound, but the girls were kind of doing the dishes and this and that, and we cleaned things up, and they were in one room, and somehow me and two of my sons ended up in the kitchen around one of those little counters. And we've been talking, it's not like it's all always superficial, but I'm kind of one of those. Language of love, guys. I want to know what's really going on, you know.
And when we don't get there, I just feel like we're going through the motions. And so it was a simple question. I turned to my oldest son. I said, You know, here in California, moved out here a while, who's your best friend? And I mean his face just changed because I dad, I don't have a best friend.
He goes, I've started this new business. I've got two young kids. I got an awesome wife. He said, Dad, I'm working from morning to night. I'm putting in all these hours.
And, you know, this guy wants to go surfing, and this guy can be kind of spiritual. There's seven different people, but I don't have a guy, and he named two good guys that were real friends, that we can go deep spiritually, that want to go somewhere with their life, that want to be committed to their wife, and want to be a good dad. I don't have that guy here. And then we got down to life. And then as we talked a little bit, I said.
to my other son, who's a who's a pastor. I said, what's the biggest challenge you're facing right now? And he gave me a little, you know, 25% response. And then his other brother kind of had to leave. And there's dynamics always, I think, forever with brothers.
And these guys are close and all that. And as they left, he started to share. And I realized he and I got talking. And they left, I didn't even say goodbye. And he began for the next hour to unfold the biggest challenges in his heart, his ministry, and for an hour.
Man, we talked at a level that I haven't talked to him in A year? We'll hear more from Chip Ingram's message in just a moment. First, we're inviting you to multiply your year-end donation through an exciting match that's active right now. I'm sure you're watching the trend, and it is so exciting. I mean, all across our high schools and college campuses, there is a spiritual awakening taking place.
Young men, in particular, they're finding Jesus. The time to respond is right now. Living on the Edge is ready. There's never been a more important time to disciple the next generation. God is moving.
We've created the resources. We have the game plan. 30 years of God's faithfulness, and lots more to accomplish. God has sustained Living on the Edge for three decades because people like you said yes.
Now we're asking again, but with a twist. Living on the Edge meets young people in the digital spaces where they actually live. Because of the match, your donation will be matched dollar for dollar in the month of December. Will you give to the next generation? Our most fruitful years are ahead.
And when you support this match, you're not funding yesterday's methods. You're investing in a discipleship strategy that actually reaches the smartphone generation right where they are. Double the impact of your gift at livingonthege.org. From his series called Leaving a Legacy That Lasts Forever. Again, our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram.
Teach them. To face it and identify what they're concerned about. Second, pray honestly about it. And pray with them. You need to model this.
They can't hear all your good theologically sanitized, cleaned-up prayers. Oh, Lord, I know that you are in control, and that though it's a car wreck and they stole our money and we'll be in the hospital and they canceled our insurance. I just want to tell you, I just praise the Lord. I just want to tell you, Lord, that I know you're in, you know. Yeah.
When's the last time they heard you say, God, I'm ticked off and it's unfair and why? And I've met with you and I love you and my priorities are in order. And this has, I don't get it. I don't get it. When's the last time they heard you pray the way Job prays?
Hey, tell you what, Lord, come on right now. Let's argue about it. Man, I've kept myself pure. Right now. Right now, God.
Or one of the lament psalms. Why have you forsaken me? Where are you, God? You've been unfaithful. I'm upset.
I'm hurt. I mean, you hear David pray, he says stuff to God. You know what? He can handle it. You need to vent?
I mean reverently. But I'll tell you what, God is near to those who call upon him. Psalm 145, 18. To those who call upon him in truth. And when you hurt, bring the pain.
When you're mad, bring the anger. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit. We play games. We think God doesn't understand what's going on.
You don't connect with Him until the real you shows up and you lay it all out, and your disciples, or your kids, or your grandkids need to hear some prayers like that to know it's legal. And then God spoke to Job, didn't he? Yeah. And boy, Jub got a. A lot bigger God.
And most of David's Psalms end with, And yet, oh Lord, when I look back, you've been faithful and I thank you and I praise you, and I didn't understand it, but I had to share this. I had to get this out. That's how you learn to suffer well. Hebrews describes Jesus. Who in his days on earth With loud groaning and cries, calling out to God.
When's the last time you actually wept in the presence of the Lord? When's the last time you prayed with someone you cried together? Uh This is very, very important. Third, help them to share where they're suffering with someone they trust. As wonderful as you are.
And as wonderful as I am, of course.
Sometimes you're not the right person to help them.
Sometimes it's an area and it's a concern, and they need someone else. And so you need to say, hey, um Point him to some mentors that are older or wiser. I praised God when my kids were teenagers that there was a youth pastor that was godly that they would tell stuff to him they'd never tell to me. There's times where one of my sons had a mentor in our church, and he happened to be a counselor. And you know what?
There are some issues that he was working through. I'm not, I kind of think I know what might some of them might be. They're the kind you're not really excited to share with your dad. And this guy and he, they'd meet and drink coffee and talk and share. and then go surfing and I've watched my daughter with godly women.
Involved in ministry, just make connections. What you want to do is help orchestrate what God's doing, but you don't have to do it all.
So mentors, second is peers. And part of that is let them in on your struggles. I was talking with my son, who's a songwriter and producer. And by God's grace, he's become extraordinarily successful. And he's now experiencing, oh my lands, this person from American Idol wants to write music for me because she's a Christian, but I'm already booked, so I'm working from 7 until 4, and she's going to fly in for two days, and from 6 until 2 in the morning, I'm going to write with her.
And well, then this is happening, and this is happening. And God, Dad, what do you do when the blessing of God is success? My priorities get totally out of whack. I'm exhausted. I got to build in some.
And then we talked on the phone for forty five minutes about Hey, son, been there and done that. Let me just tell you something. Those great opportunities are Are not like they're never going to come around again. It's a faith issue. And for people that are wired like you and me, Satan puts the brakes on some people to discourage him.
And for people like us that I don't think the brakes will work, he just pushes on the gas pedal. And he gets people like you and me so overloaded doing really good things that we crash. And then I shared some crashes. And then finally, there's times where we need to direct them to a pastor or a professional counselor. Everybody gets stuck.
And if you've ever been to one, make sure your kids, grandkids, disciples, when I teach on marriage, I always try in the first session to let everybody know in the first year and a half of my marriage, I had to go to marriage counseling, and then about five years later, I had to go back again. I just want to get that out on the table because somehow they think that if you really love God and you try really hard, well, you never need outside help. You need outside help when you're stuck. I mean, if I'm putting in a window and I know a little bit about putting in windows and I go down to Home Depot and I get this and I get this and I get stuck, I don't go, oh my gosh, well, I got to figure this all out myself. I'm going to go down and say, hey, you know, is there someone like with an orange vest that really knows about Windows?
Well, buddy, we've told you all that you know. Look, here's the name of Anderson Windows. This guy's a pro, haven't come out to your house. He's got to fix the thing that you messed up. I try to do Windows, I can't do Windows.
So am I ashamed to ask an expert to get help when I'm stuck? Of course not. Your kids, your disciples, your grandkids, your friends. They need to know there's a time where You know, go to a pastor, go to a professional counselor. And then finally, help them align specific scripture.
with their specific situation.
Now I'm going to give you some things here and a lot of them are not in your notes, so I'll try and go slow. This is the key. In terms of You want to match What are they going through with truth? Because it's as you trust the promises of God. That's what faith is, by the way.
And it's by faith we experience God's grace. And suffering, imagine suffering as sort of like this overarching, you know, sort of like rainbow, but underneath of it, there may be four or five, maybe far more. There's different reasons we suffer. And if I suffer for this reason, here's the passage that I want, okay? Are you tracking with me?
So let me give you just four or five examples. First, let's say I have a negative circumstances or a trial.
Okay, the economy goes down. I had money, whether it's in retirement or for college education, and it's gone. Here's the passage. James chapter 1. versus two to four.
Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let endurance have its perfect result. that you might be lacking in nothing.
So it's external circumstances.
Okay, choose to have this kind of attitude. Realize there's a process God's going to take you through. Or, second, how about refining your character? You know, you haven't done anything wrong, you're suffering, it doesn't make sense, but you sense you're really growing. Romans chapter 5, verses 1 to 5.
Therefore, having justified by faith, we have peace with God. And we exalt in hope with the glory of God. And we exalt not only in this, but in our what? Tribulation. Knowing that tribulation produces about perseverance, and perseverance, proven character.
Proven character produces hope, and hope. produces love as the Holy Spirit is poured into our life. There's certain times you're suffering because you're so precious in God's eyes that He's allowing a process of drawing you in intimacy and suffering.
So you respond in gratitude. of God's work. A third time you suffer a spiritual opposition. I mean, man, you're making tracks for God. You're sharing your faith.
You've taken a new step of faith. You're getting in the Bible. You're taking a risk. You're saying, God, I'm going to do some stuff with my time and my money. And you are doing some things that is exposing the darkness.
Well, Ephesians chapter 6:10 through 18. Teaches you how to deal with that kind of difficulty and suffering in spiritual warfare. Or sometimes, what is persecution? You know, you stood up for Christ, and man, you're getting all this flack on a college campus, or you're getting all this flack at work, or you lose your job because, you know, you're a doctor and you won't do the abortion, or you're a legal person and you won't lie about something in a situation. The passage, 2 Timothy 3:12.
The promises for all those who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. And then finally, there's times where you're suffering because, like me, You make some bad choices, right? Or you just sin. You know, you say what you shouldn't have said, you thought what you shouldn't have thought, you did what you knew was wrong, and then there's consequences. And then you want to go to Romans chapter 6.
where it talks about presenting your members. And then 1 Corinthians 10, 13, where no temptation is taken you but such as common to man. But God will with a temptation provide a way of escape that you might be able to endure it.
So what you want to do is begin to coach the kids, coach the disciple, coach the grandkid, coach the lady, coach the guy. What you want to pass on is, here is suffering, there's at least five different reasons, maybe more, and here's the promise you can hang on to, and here's the truth to apply. Very specifically. Life message very simple. Suffering is normal.
That's what you want them to get. That's the message. When they're suffering, they want to say, oh, this is normal. It's not fun, but it's normal. It will be experienced by all.
It will either make or break those we love. And so Teach them to suffer.
Well. Uh This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip is presenting a practical teaching series called Leaving a Legacy That Lasts Forever. If today's message inspired you to learn more about guiding your children and grandchildren, it'll point you to a highly practical resource called Effective Parenting in a Defective World. This study guide includes a code to stream Chip's video teaching online, plus MP3s of the complete series.
You'll find all the details at livingonthege.org.
Well, chip parenting is not for the faint of heart, and these days grandparents often find themselves in roles they've never expected as a guiding light for their grandkids. Thanks so much, Dave. You know, I hear from grandparents all the time that are actually heartbroken. Their grandkids grew up in the church or maybe even Christian school. They're now in college or they've graduated, starting their careers, and their faith seems literally fading from the picture.
Or I hear grandparents all the time who say, I don't get it. They grew up in church, but now they're living with their boyfriend or girlfriend, or they've changed their sexual identity. And I feel hopeless. I'm praying, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to have a spiritual conversation.
And then they meet us at Living on the Edge. And at Living on the Edge, we've become the bridge. Grandparents are listening. And we've been teaching them how to engage around today's questions with biblical answers and finding ways to really connect, to build a bridge to their grandkids, to talk their language, and to really listen. When you support this match, you're equipping the older generation to pass the baton of faith to the younger.
Your gift today, are you ready? It secures tomorrow's impact. Because of this match whatever you give is instantly doubled. But only during this campaign window Will you make the most strategic gift ever? Our best days aren't behind us.
They're ahead, and you're a part of that story. Living on the Edge is uniquely postured to help parents, grandparents, and their families, not only in North America, but all around the world as well. All that's standing in the way to succeed in this mission are the resources to do so. As you feel God nudging you to respond, please follow his leading. Whatever amount he places on your heart will be multiplied by two because of the match.
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So what's the purpose of our career? To chase a paycheck? I'm Dave Druy, inviting you to hear Chippinggram's answer Thursday on Living on the Edge.
