Do you long to be loved just for being you? Do you long for people just to see you and know you and really love you?
Well, I got news for you. That's true of all of us, but there's a danger. We tend to look for love in all the wrong places. Today, we're going to learn how to avoid that pitfall. Stay with me.
Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission of this daily program is to intentionally disciple Christians through the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. You know, I think we all know someone who's trusted the wrong person in a relationship. Maybe you've experienced the pain of betrayal yourself.
Well, today Chip explores the origins of our longing for connection and love and explains how to steer clear of the common relational traps that many fall into.
So with that, here's Chip with his talk, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places from 1 Corinthians chapter 13. I think there's three things that are true of every person on this planet. Number one, we all fail. I'm just gonna I mean even you I mean, you can call it mess up, blow it, miss the mark, but I mean, every single person every week. fails.
Number two. We all have legitimate desires and needs. that are God ordained that we pursue. I mean legitimate desires to be significant. to be loved, to give love, to be secure, to have purpose, that our lives would have an impact.
We just have legitimate God-given desires and needs that God wants us to pursue. Third fact. In a fallen world, our failures are often an attempt. To obtain good things in a bad way. I want you to let that one sink in.
Sometimes when we fail, we're covered with shame, and sometimes we fail and we get down on ourselves. Or if you're like me, you try and at least blame someone else for a while instead of yourself. But what would happen if you could begin to see That some of the patterns in your life and some of the patterns in my life, where you fail, where you mess up, where there's breakdown in relationships, where there's breakdown in your relationship with God, where you feel terrible and you know you've blown it, what if you begin to understand? That you were really looking for something good. That was a God-ordained need or desire.
But you went about finding it. in the wrong way. That would begin to give you some new light to deal with that failure. In this book written to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul outlines a number of ways that they did it, and we do it as well. I highlighted a few.
We seek acceptance and belonging. That's a good thing, right? by forming cliques and criticizing and excluding others. That causes division. That's a bad thing.
That happened in chapter three. We seek connection and intimacy. Through illicit sex, pornography, and emotional affairs that destroy marriages and ruin families. That happens today, that happened in chapter 5. We seek security and significance.
and destroy relationships by our greed. That happened to this group in chapter 6. We seek to protect God's holiness, obviously a good thing. But by misguidedly judging others' motives and differences resulting in disunity and broken relationships, it's a bad thing. That happened in chapter 8.
We seek legitimate, godly pleasures with no consideration for those who are weaker in faith. and we allow our freedom to destroy their relationship with Christ. That's a bad thing. But the legitimate pleasures? There's nothing wrong with Those?
It reminded me of an old song, So many times our gravest failures are attempts. to look for love. In all the wrong places. Looking for love in all the wrong places. Is that how you like that twain?
Looking for love in so many faces, and looking for love. I'll never make this a country singer. You listen to the lyrics of that song. In fact, Johnny Lee, the story of that song is very interesting. He said it described his life.
His life was totally messed up, but his desire was for a good thing. He really wanted to be loved and be connected and have intimacy and life and purpose, but he went about it in ways that destroyed his relationship with himself. He hurt other people and certainly violated more than a handful of God's commands. Here's what you need to understand. When you Try to find good things.
in a bad way. You will hurt other people. you will hurt yourself and you'll miss God's best. And so we talked about how do we learn to really love in real time? Not a theory, not coming to church and you ought to love more, you ought to be more kind, but how specifically.
And so the Apostle Paul, writing to a group, much like I think. high capacity, high gifts, strategically located. And so, what we learned is in situation number one, how does love respond to hurt? And in verse 4, it said, love is patient, love is kind. That was the truth.
But then the practice was when you're hurt or wounded or rejected or ignored, love absorbs the blow, remember the pillow, and returns a hug.
So let me ask you. Did anybody And I'm speaking mostly the person who's sitting in your seat. Have an opportunity to be hurt, wounded, rejected.
Someone dissed you just a little and you said, ooh. I could diss them back or I could... You know what? I'm going to absorb the blow. I'm going to respond in a positive way.
See, as you begin to practice that, You know what that's called? That's biblical love. That's loving people the way Jesus. loves people. The second situation is how do we respond to differences?
There's all kind of differences. Love doesn't envy. It doesn't boast. It's not rude. It's not self-seeking.
It's not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. And so the practice is love celebrates differences. Remember the principle was love refuses to compare. It refuses to compare upward and feel envy.
It refuses to compare downward and be arrogant. When you begin to practice that, You eliminate envy. You eliminate arrogance. and you start loving people. The way Jesus loves him.
The third situation is today, and we're going to talk about how does love respond to failure? I mean, we agreed that we all fail. And that means that the people closest to you, whether it's a roommate or whether it's a wife or a husband or a son or a daughter or a mom or a dad or people at work or people in a small group or people in your neighborhood, they're going to fail. You're going to get a lot of chance to respond to other people's failures. And as you listen to this, know that this is how we're to respond to other people's failures to be loving.
To maximize love. But in the back of your mind, I want you to remember this is exactly how God responds to your failure. Everything we're going to cover, this is how the heart of the living creator of the universe. Responds to your failure. Because the more you can get it vertically, the more you'll begin to be able to give it horizontally.
And so the truth is, love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, it always trusts, it always hopes, it always perseveres. Summary, love never fails. And so the practice is love responds to failure with truth. and grace.
Underlining your notes, truth and underline the word grace. Love, real love, demands truth. Love and truth are inseparable. If there is, quote, you think you have love, but there's no truth, it's just mushy. Sentimentalism.
It's just gushy feelings. And we have come to believe, because of media and all the books and all the romance novels, we think love is just this. Ooey, gooey. feeling that we're connected. I mean, we may be in complete denial, but I feel good about you, and you feel good about me, and so we must be loving.
No, maybe you're just on drugs.
Now, you know, having a good feeling about another person when there's major issues that are unaddressed, when there's behaviors and addictions and issues that are bringing about fallout, when you're doing things to one another that's destroying long-term relationships, that's not love. Having a good feeling about someone is a nice thing. Biblical love demands truth. It says love doesn't rejoice or find joy. Or satisfaction in evil, things that are unrighteous, things that are wrong, things that are the opposite of the way God wants people to live.
But it delights in and finds great joy in the truth. Love refuses to find joy in another's sin, misfortune, or dysfunction, or pain. I jotted a note to myself, we have a perverted attraction. A perverted attraction to the misfortune, addictions, and problems of others. I don't know.
I mean, I guess it's just being fallen. But we like to watch other people mess up. We like to hear about how badly they mess up. We like to watch and listen and view people making fools of themselves and then laugh on our couches as they do it. It's called Reality TV.
I mean, think of this. We all live in this house. She hates him. She hates his. I heard you last night.
And then the camera comes. I tell you, I think she's a, and I don't think she ever does. I'm not going to kick out of this house. You know, I mean, it's just like. It's not like stories of, we would like to bring you an exciting story of a major star who has now done amazing things for the inner city children and those who are helping orphans in Africa.
I mean, for every one of those, you get 100. Lindsay's in jail again. Will she get out? Who knows? Did you see someone?
I mean, it's just. A proliferation of evil and misfortune and addiction and pain. Mm-hmm. And very subtly, You're filling your mind with it. And it is the culture, and it is the absolute opposite of love.
When I'm finding delight in things that violate what brings health and life and restoration, I'm setting myself up for dysfunctional. Painful, negative relationships. Love doesn't rejoice in evil. In fact, I mean, think about. This is really fun.
Did you see that movie? Yeah, everybody got blown up. Boom, boom, boom, bam, bam. And did you see it? It was in slow-mo.
Boom, boom, boom. The Teflon puller. That was a great movie. Yeah. The sanctity of life and the value of human life.
Is the highest thing The scripture and the God who created life. The steams. and we trivialize it with our thumbs, killing imaginary people over and over and over and over again, until when real ones die, we get Anesthetized. to the impact. Love.
rejoices in the truth. Real love is a response. always has truth and Grace. If it's all truth and no grace, It's a rigid legalistic self-righteousness. If it's all grace and no truth, it's just mushy sentimental emotionalism.
And so after giving us sort of the overarching principle that love demands truth and rejoices in truth and not evil, then he's going to give us four specific ways to respond. to the failures of one another. He's going to give four clear words that say, When someone you love that lives under your roof or is a close friend or you work with, when they fail, because they will fail, this is how you respond if you love them. Are you ready? He's going to talk to us about bearing all things, believing all things.
hoping all things. And then he's go on and talk about how we endure all things. Bears all things. The word occurs four times in the New Testament. Literally means you can jot in your notes to cover.
It means to suffer or forbear, is to protect by covering something, to cover something with silence. It has the idea of keeping a confidence, to hide, listen, to hide or conceal the errors and faults of others.
Now, this doesn't mean you bury it. This doesn't mean you're in denial. But here's the issue. We all long for someone to love me enough. To cut to the core, to expose the fault, the weakness, or the sin, and help me deal with it and grow from it.
And then, after dealing with it, in truth, provide grace and allow me to grow and help me take the next step, and then they cover it. And they don't exploit me. and they don't pass it on. And if you're married or you're a parent, you don't joke about it later. It's covered.
It's gone. It's not broadcast. You bear with them. You face it. You deal with it?
You love them? and then you cover it. You're listening to Living on the Edge, and Chip will be back in just a minute to finish today's talk. But quickly, this program is only possible because of the generosity of listeners like you. Consider supporting us today by becoming a monthly partner.
Learn more by going to livingonthege.org. That's livingonthege.org. And thanks for doing whatever God leads you to do. Let's rejoin Chip now for the remainder of his message. Negatively, when I delight in passing on the faults of another, when I seek to feel important because I have inside information, or feel powerful or superior because someone else has sinned, and I love to tell other people, or just pass on a little email that says, You know, did you, are you aware of, often in the form of prayer requests?
Listen carefully. That is not. Loving. Love bears all things. Jesus Pictures this very clearly.
Remember the woman caught in adultery? They were trying to trap Jesus. And the law talks about adultery, you'd be stoned, and it wasn't practiced very often.
So they're thinking, we're going to get him on the hot spot.
So over here, we found this woman caught in the very act, and they drag her out of the house and they plop her right in front of Jesus.
Okay, what are you going to do with that? We caught her in the very act of adultery. And Jesus, as they're talking, he goes over and starts to kind of write in the dirt. You know, the text doesn't say what he writes, but I think, no, this is the Chippinggram theory, not to be confused at all with fact. I think he wrote in the sand, where is The man.
Question mark. See, if you were really concerned about the law... If you were concerned about righteousness, you wouldn't have brought one person caught in adultery. Last time I heard, sex usually takes two.
So where are both of them? And by doing that, he exposed their hypocrisy. And so then he says, Whoever has never sinned, tell you what, you pick up the stones and you start. And the older people, wiser, realize they've been exposed and they leave, and one by one, everyone leaves, and here's a woman. He says, does no one condemn you?
No, Lord. Neither do I. Go and sin no more. Did he act like it wasn't an issue? Did he say the sin wasn't important?
The sin was dealt with and then he covered it. Who in your relational world needs you? to help them deal with the material. with a failure and then cover it. Who needs to not hear ever again in your family?
Jokes or sarcasm or little innuendos about a fault that occurs on a regular basis. And instead, I love you, I'm with you, let's deal with this. and then I'm going to cover it. I don't talk about it to my friends. I won't bring it up to you.
I'm going to cover it. That's how you respond in love to people's failures. The second way you respond is believing. all things. The word believes New Testament is 239 times.
It has the idea to believe or to entrust. To commit. Here it has the idea of to credit or have confidence in another person. It's not naive. It's not that you believe or you're gullible on whatever someone says.
Oh, I believe, you know, whatever you say. I mean, you lied 44 times, but I believe anyway. No, no, no, no. This is a belief that is discerning, insightful. But it's not suspicious and judgmental, and it doesn't assume the worst.
The picture for me that what this means is when you hear something about someone or you observe a circumstance. And maybe the circumstances kind of look a little negative, but you don't know for sure. You believe or assume the best. You in your mind make a willful choice and you see this circumstance or you hear this about a person and you say, that sure doesn't seem to be the kind of person I know, but someone said he or she did this, or he or she was with someone, or he. Then what you do is you step back and love says, I'm going to create in my mind's eye the best explanation for this that puts this person in a positive light because I don't know all the issues.
I was in a pretty important meeting. And a person was supposed to be there that works with me. And so everyone was around the table, and the agenda was starting. And someone said, Where's so-and-so? I said, Well, I don't know.
Well, is he supposed to be here?
Well, yeah. And you know So You know where your mind can go.
Well, gosh, I mean, is he blowing off this meeting? Is he late? And I remember just having this passage in my mind, and I remember just willfully going. You know what? The character of this man I know is...
Yeah. Maybe his wife is sick. Maybe one of his kids have an issue. Maybe God showed him something that is way more important than this meeting, and he's doing that and obeying God instead of being here. Di you see you see it?
You create a scenario that puts them in the best light. And what happens, especially if you're a parent? Or if you've got a roommate, once they do this once and they do it twice and they do it three times, when they do anything near that, what do you start believing? He'll never change. She's doing the same old thing.
Oh man, I can't believe it. Instead of well, wait a second. Don't assume the worst. Love believes the best. And then you check it out and You deal with it?
The practice is everyone needs someone who will believe in them. Everyone needs someone who says, you know, that fault, that sin, that weakness, that circumstance, it can't define you. You're a God's child, you're valued, you're loved, you're gifted. And I believe, okay, you really messed up, all right? We understand that, but I believe in you.
Snapshot from Jesus' life. It's in the hot part of the day. It's the part when everyone's taking a little siesta. The righteous women have come out early in the cool of the day, but it's John chapter 4, and here's a woman in the hot part of the day getting water, and it's because she's an immoral woman and she's rejected by society. And she's been looking for love in all the wrong places.
And Jesus is there and he... ask for a drink and she can't believe that a Jew would ask a woman. or a Jew would ask someone from her Samaritan background, And they get into this conversation, and so Jesus... Loving people always is truth and grace. And so he says, So Where's your husband?
And she goes, well, I don't have a husband. Which was honest. Because she's living with this guy and she's had five husbands. And Jesus informs her that he knows that. And she goes, Well, you must be a prophet.
And they get into this conversation about life and the meaning, and how do you satisfy your soul? She was desperately trying to satisfy her soul, and man after man after man in illicit sex wasn't delivering. And Jesus knew that. She was trying to get a good thing in a bad way, and he wanted to give her life. And so he talked about a heavenly father that pursues people, even immoral people, even failure people, even people that have done really big and bad things over a long period of time.
And she discovers someone cares and believes in her. And here's a woman that didn't want to be seen, and she ends up going back into the town saying, Hey, Someone who knows everything about me, I think he's the Messiah, and she leads an entire town, and hundreds of people come to Christ because someone. believed that her past could not mark her future forever. This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've been listening to part one of Chip's message, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, from our series, Spiritual Simplicity. Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about.
Have you ever felt like there's never enough time in the day for yourself, the people you love, even God? If you can relate, don't miss this series. Chip's going to challenge the unrealistic standards and expectations we all feel pressured by. Join us as we learn how to break free from this demanding cycle and discover the simpler, more fulfilling life God has in store for us. I hope you'll be with us for every part of this study.
Well, Chip, I know you've got a powerful application to share, but before we get there, you know, it's been a while since you've explained why we ask our listeners to support Living on the Edge financially. Could you take a minute and talk about that?
Well, first of all, ministry is always an issue of the heart. And Jesus says that wherever our treasure is, that is where our heart will be. The Bible also commands us to be generous and open and free. And everything that I have, everyone listening to my voice right now, everything they have, God has entrusted that to them. The second is the Bible is really clear not only that we should be generous, but where we should be generous.
I personally believe that your first commitment is to your local church. But then there's that opportunity to give over and above that first portion and to express love because God says wherever you're spiritually ministered unto. In fact, the Apostle Paul would say to a group of Christians, I ministered spiritually to you. And he actually went so far to say is, You have a financial obligation to minister back to me. And in his situation, it wasn't like for airtime.
I guess it was maybe donkey time or, or, you know, I need some new parchments, or I need your financial resources to get on that ship to go from Corinth to Ephesus. And it's just the same here. You know, if you get ministered unto, one of the ways that you not only say thank you, but then you generously pass it on to others is to support that ministry that's ministering to you.
So that's kind of biblically why we do it. And, you know, there's just the reality of need, and it's a partnership and a team. And so, and people are generous. I mean, I'm thrilled. I'm very excited about how they do give.
And so I want to say if you haven't, you can get in on this. And if you have, thank you very much. Thanks, Chip. If partnering with Living on the Edge is an idea that makes sense to you, we'd love to have you join us. We believe encouraging Christians to live like Christians will radically change the world we live in.
To send a gift, go to livingonthege.org. Or call us at 888-333-6003. That's 888-333-6003, or go to livingontheedge.org. App Listeners, tap donate.
Well with that, here again is Chip. As we close today's program, let's talk about those final two points. You know, Paul says, inspired by the Holy Spirit, love bears all things and it believes all things. And to bear all things, literally, we said it means to cover, not to bury, not to deny, not to enable, but it means you really cover it. Love covers a multitude of sins.
And I think what gets difficult here is: when am I covering and saying, I forgive? I'm not going to hold this against a person. I'm going to really release them from maybe the pain or the wound that they've inflicted on me or someone else. And when is it just sort of this pseudo-mercy where you don't really want to deal with it? And so you keep enabling and enabling and enabling, and you don't confront.
And I just want to make sure as we talk about covering or this bearing the burden that covers sin that it's not enabling. It's not just denying that it's really there and pretending. And so I want you to think right now: who is someone who's Blown it, that God is speaking to you about covering it. And part of covering it is you don't share it with someone else. You know, the opposite of covering is exposing.
And so often, when we've been hurt, there's a side conversation, or we share the experience, and we always share the experience, or we tend to, like we're the victim, and they're the bad person, they did all these things, and we're sort of asking, Will you help me? Because I'm struggling. But we phrase it and say it often in ways that really puts the other person in a bad light. And there's such disunity in the body of Christ, and there's so many small groups and ministries and churches where there's it's just a lack of love. And love bears all things.
I think the second part ties into it. Believing all things means that you don't judge their motives. And so, you know, when someone has hurt you or you have an opinion you've created about someone, it is so easy to think that you know why they did what they did. And I just want to remind you today that what What did we learn? What would be the best possible solution that you could make up in your mind for someone's behavior that wouldn't judge their motive?
So, love bears all things, it believes all things. That is a powerful, powerful way. to help the people that you love. Good challenge. Hey, as we close, are you looking to get even more plugged in with Living on the Edge and our resources?
Then let me encourage you to check out the Chip Ingram app. You can listen to our most recent series, sign up for daily discipleship, and more. We want to help you grow in your walk with Jesus. And the Chip Ingram app is a great way to immerse yourself in godly, enriching content.
Well, be sure to join us next time as Chip continues his series Spiritual Simplicity. Until then, I'm Dave Drewy, saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.
