Pastor, author, and parent, Dr. Michael Yusef. I'm convinced that if I asked the average parent, what is your primary concern for your children? I would probably get some of the following answers. That they would do the right thing. That they will get good education. That they will grow up morally upright. And that's fine. And all of this well and good, now listen to me please. Many children can have all these things, but then they will grow up rejecting the Lord Jesus Christ as the Lord of the life.
Why? Because parenting of the external produces faulty results. Thank you for joining Dr. Michael Yusef for this episode of Leading the Way Audio. This is the beginning of a down to earth series looking through a biblical lens at the challenges parents face today. Now, don't tune away if you don't currently have children running around your home. Because whether you're not yet blessed with children or your kids are in the throes of raising their own kids, today's message addresses the influences that you have on all of the young people in your life.
Parenting 911 is the title of this series from Dr. Michael Yusef. It is a fact that the vast majority of parents want to give their children what they have never had. It is a fact. I know in my whole life I want to give my children what I haven't had. I just read the most incredible statistics this week to confirm my suspicion about passing to our children what we never had. Which almost always focus on material things. Listen to these statistics, a study conducted by a college in Boston. That between the year 1998 and the year 2052, it is estimated that 40.6 trillion, that is with a T, trillion dollars will get passed down from parents to children.
40.6 trillion dollars. And the sad thing to me is that very few parents will be as anxious to pass on to their children a spiritual heritage as much as they pass on to the material heritage. Now in this series of messages that we call the Parenting 911, I'm going to show you the importance of parenting of the inside rather than parenting the outside. I'm going to show you about the importance of parenting of the internal because when the internal is taken care of, the external will follow. The parenting of the spirit, the parenting of the heart and not for performance. The parenting that is focused on the inward identity of a child rather than the outward appearance of a child.
Listen to me very carefully. We may hand our children 40 trillion dollars in the next 30 years, but if we neglect handing our children that which is priceless, we would have sinned against them. We will have a generation like that of the book of Judges in chapter 2.
Turn with me to the book of Judges, chapter 2, and look at the verses 10 to 15. Just very quickly, I'm not going to expound on the passage, I'm just going to give it to you as an example of what can happen when parents do not focus on the internal. When parents do not parent the spirit.
When parents do not parent the heart. The book of Judges, chapter 2, beginning at verse 10. It says after that whole generation had been gathered to their fathers. What generation is he talking about? Joshua's generation. The generation that had seen the crossing of the river Jordan. The generation that have experienced the fall of the Jericho wall.
The generation that have seen and experienced God and worshiped God, that joined with Joshua when he said, ask for me and my household, we shall worship the Lord. After that generation gone, they said another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baal. They forsook the Lord, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of Egypt.
They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They provoked the Lord to anger because they forsook him and served Baal and Ashtaroth. In his anger against Israel, the Lord handed them over to raiders who plundered them and sold them to the enemies all around, whom they were no longer able to resist.
Beloved, listen to me. When the next generation's heart turned away from the Lord, the Lord handed them over to raiders to plunder them. And who can deny today that we have the plunders of pornography and of illicit sex, that we have the plunders of alcohol that kids are drinking it at the age of 10 and 11 and even younger? Who can deny the plundering of materialism and STDs? Who can deny the ever-present plundering of terrorism that can destroy our economy in a 24-hour period?
Who can deny that? In fact, it was Frederick Taylor who is really the father of scientific management. It was Frederick Taylor who said, and let me quote to you, he said, Your system is perfectly designed to produce the results that you are getting. And so, if you are manufacturing cars and every second car comes off the line without steering wheel, your system is perfectly designed to do that. That's exactly what he means.
Your manufacturing system is designed to produce these flawed results. And it works the same with parenting. It works the same with parenting of children.
Many parents have a system that is perfectly designed to get devastating results. I'm convinced that if I asked the average parent, What is your primary concern for your children? I would probably get some of the following answers. That they would do the right thing. Nothing wrong with that. That they will get good education. Great. That they will get good grades in school. That's good. That probably some would say they would be good athletes. That was never part of my problem, but that's alright. But they would grow up morally upright. And that's fine. And all of this well and good. Now listen to me, listen to me please. Many children can have all these things, but then they will grow up rejecting the Lord Jesus Christ as the Lord of their life.
Why? Because parenting of the external produces faulty results. But parenting of the internal will help children to grow up loving God and loving one another. I am personally convinced that most parents are trying to do the right thing by their children.
I am convinced of that. But parents' primary concern should not be the what, but the why. Why are my children doing this? Why are my grandchildren doing this? Why are they doing what they're doing?
That is the question that every parent and grandparent and uncle must be asking. Why is my child doing what he or she is doing? And I must confess to you, I am a dad who made a whole lot of mistakes. I made a whole lot of mistakes. And I tell my children now that the adults, the mistakes are made. Why? Because I want them to learn from my mistakes and not to repeat my mistakes. But I can tell you with all of my faults and all of my mistakes, my deepest concern for my children when they were growing up was not so much outward appearance as much as a belief system.
Why? Because I was convinced and I am convinced today that when the belief is right, when the heart is right, when the spirit is right with God, the outward appearance will take care of itself. As I look around and see what's going on, that right behavior would follow right belief. Never the other way around.
Never the other way around. When Joshua was about 14 years old, we were sitting in the car together driving peacefully. And you know, I know exactly where we were.
I mean, I know exactly the spot where we were at that point. Back when he was 14 years old. And you know, Joshua has amazing ability. When he's about getting ready to ask you a question that it has 50% chance of me saying no, he sets it up. He organizes it. And he begins to really set the stage. He doesn't just come up and ask questions. He builds up to it.
And I can literally hear his brain's wheels are turning. He was building up to a question. And I was kind of, wasn't really sure what it was.
I mean, just this one came out of left field. And then he says, now Dad, I want to ask you a question. I said, what is it? He said, can I shave my head?
Well, I could have said to him, what do you mean shaving your head to buy time? I could have said, what would people say? I could have said, what would people think? I could have said, what example would you set for others? After all, your father is a pastor of the Church of the Apostles. You can't do that.
Don't you think that can be misunderstood? And on and on I could have gone. But as he would testify to you, I'm telling you, I've already checked my notes with him. I did not. I said nothing of the sort. You know what I said?
Only if I do the shaving. I said, he kind of got over his shock because he was anticipating the next argument. You know, he was building up for this argument. But he said, cool, I made a U-turn and I picked up one of those electric shavers.
You know, I knew. But you know what my biggest worry was? My biggest worry was his mother. She loved his curls and I knew she was going to freak out so I started praying for her. Well, I took him back home and man, I plugged that thing in and I whizzed it through. Man, I became a great hairdresser all of a sudden.
Because you can't make a mistake. It was like mowing lawn. Well, the one thing that we both have forgotten is that it was winter. And his head got cold. And the following two Sundays, he did not want to wear a cap. It was cold when he got outside the house so he wore a bandana. It happened to be a red bandana that was in the drawer.
He picked it up and wore it on Sunday. Well, after two Sundays of that, this precious lady comes up to me. Now remember, this is many years ago. And she walks up to me and shakes my hand at the end of the service. And she says something like, Well, I guess your son is just going through that rebellion stage.
God is my witness. I had forgotten all about the head shaving thing. So I asked, I said, what did he do?
I mean, I thought he really did something. She said, all this head shaving and the bandana. I said, oh no. I said to her, I said, I did that. Poor precious lady, she turned whiter than white. And I've never seen her again.
Why am I humiliating Joshua to tell you all this story? Although some of you lived it and remember that well. But because I wanted to know that what she was focusing on was in the outward appearance, not the heart. She was focusing on the appearance and not the belief. She was focusing on the outside, not the inside. She was focusing on the external and not the internal. She was focusing on the appearance and not the spirit and not the heart. See, I grew up in a home where it was hammered in my ears.
It was hammered in my ears. Some of you have experienced the same thing and can identify with me. That appearances are everything.
Appearances are the most important thing. You know what happened? I rebuilt more until the grace of God got hold of me and thank God for his grace. Thank God for his grace. I remember covenanting with God, with everyone being born of all of my four, that I will be a dad who will parent the heart and the spirit. And so I covenanted with God with the birth of everyone of our four children that I will focus on my children's loving God and not outward appearance. I covenanted with God that my children will not do things because Daddy is the pastor of the church.
No, but because their heavenly Daddy has paid the ultimate price for their sins because their heavenly Daddy loves them so. I want you to hear me right. This is important. Not every one of you probably would identify with this, but listen to me. Shaming children into outward conformity, into outward behavior, strikes at the very core of their identity in Christ. Shaming our children in polishing the outside of the car while the engine is clogged and rusting is wrong.
Please, please, please don't get me wrong. Don't misunderstand me. I am not saying, I won't repeat that, I am not saying that we must not help our children to distinguish between right and wrong. That is not what I'm saying. If you misunderstood me, you have, now that's your problem, not mine, because I believe with all my heart and I'm not saying that we should not discipline our children for acceptable attitude, for acceptable behavior.
That is not what I'm saying. Listen, I am a huge proponent of spanking. I really do. And I never followed Dr. Spock. I followed Dr. Solomon. And Dr. Solomon said, spare the rod and spoil the child.
Why? Because physical pain, when it is associated with wrong, it will always be remembered. Just like touching a hot stove.
Always remember not to touch the hot stove. But that is different. That is different from belittling them. That is different from trying to get them to become adults in a child's world. That is different from humiliating them in public. That is different from telling them that they will never mount to anything because of what they did. That is different from telling them that they are stupid because of what they did. Many of you know what I'm talking about.
Many of you know what I'm talking about. And some of you probably sitting here saying, you know, Michael, it's really too late for me. This must be fine for young parents. But it's too late for me. My kid's already an adult and I've made that mistake and I've focused on appearance. Maybe I've not known Christ when my kids were growing up and because I did not know Jesus when my kids were growing up, I did not pass on to them that spiritual heritage. I did not parent the heart.
I did not parent the spirit. Listen to me, as you've heard me say from this pulpit, it is never too late. You pick up that phone and tell your adult child, I sinned against you and I focused on the wrong things.
And forgive me. Please, don't do that with your children. Parent their hearts. Never too late.
I don't care how old you are. But then there's another problem that we're facing in our culture today. We seem to have a crop of parents today who have bought into this fallacy, who have bought into this lie, that says that we must never prejudice the minds of kids.
That we must not influence them in any way so that when they grow up, they make up their own minds and they're entitled to their opinions. Let me tell you something. That's a lie out of the pit of hell. In fact, I can tell you, I read a story one time about a well-known writer who was debating with a dad who bought into this lie.
Well, I never influenced my children, never prejudiced my children because I want them to grow up, make up their own minds. And this writer all of a sudden thought for a minute and he said, you know, come over here. I want to show you my garden. And he took him in the backyard and I want to show him the garden. And this dad who bought into this fallacy looked at the garden and said, that's not a garden. There's nothing here but weeds. He said, oh, you must understand that I didn't want to infringe upon the liberty of the garden in any way. I was giving the garden a chance to express itself and choose its own production.
Beloved, the truth is this. Parenting is like gardening. It's like gardening. It takes cultivation. It takes dedication. It takes molding.
It takes modeling. Modeling to them what a loving God is all about, what a caring God is all about. Listen to me. A child who sees his or her parents finding their sufficiency in Jesus Christ, they will grow up finding their sufficiency in Jesus Christ. Not in trinkets, not in clothes, not in material things. Children who see their parents not sinning because of their love for Jesus Christ and Jesus' love for them, they will grow up not to sin because of their love for Jesus Christ.
Cultivating the children's heart, leading the children to see their identity as precious creatures in God's own image, focusing the children's attention on the cost that was placed on the Son of God because of their sin and my sin. It takes time. It takes energy. It takes effort. It takes cultivation. That's our job. That's our job constantly, constantly.
You know, if you read in the book of Deuteronomy, it said in the morning and night, in the morning and night, every occasion, every opportunity, in the car, outside the car, and over a meal, you're constantly, constantly cultivating. I'm going to tell you this, and I'm going to conclude it's a true story. Back in the wild days of the 60s, Francis Schaeffer was speaking at Berkeley University, which was a hotbed of rebellion back then in the 60s. And the room was packed with students, and Francis Schaeffer was lecturing away. And in the middle of his lecture, the door opened and this young man, long hair, barefooted, and he smelled like he had not had a bath in two months.
And it was natural for the students to kind of, you know, put their hands on their noses as he walked down the road, and they're down in the lecture theater. And Schaeffer stopped his lecturing and looked around, there were no seats, so he grabbed his own seat that he was using as a lecturer, and he placed it, he said, Young man, welcome. We're so glad to have you with us.
I am glad you're here. Please come and have a seat. This young man kind of reluctantly went in there, and he sat and was trying to make noise and get attention, and another 10 minutes of lecturing, and this young man started yelling at Francis Schaeffer. He said, he said, Why don't you hate me? I don't look like you, I don't smell like you, I don't believe like you. Why don't you hate me? And only Francis Schaeffer could have done this. He said, Young man, how can I hate you when you are the beautiful creature that is created in God's own image?
How can I hate you when God made you, formed you, and loves you? By the end of that night, that young man gave his life to Christ, and then went on to ministry. He was brought up in a Christian home, a home that focused so much on appearance, and not the regeneration of the heart, and he was rebelling against his parents.
I'm telling you this for a reason. I believe all parents want to do the right thing by their children, but I want to tell you also that it all begins with you, mom and dad, knowing Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, and the Lord of your life, and the Lord of your home. Not a member of a church, not membership in a church, not a denomination, no, no, no, but Jesus Christ as the Lord of your life. It all begins by you experiencing the forgiveness that Jesus Christ and he alone can give you, and he can give it to you today. It begins with you surrendering to him, and so that you'll be able to truly model Godly parenting for your children. Encouragement to understand the value of parenting the heart on this episode of Leading the Way Audio with Dr. Michael Youssef. Got questions about living the Christian life or pouring truth into the heart of your children?
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