Happy & Safe Holiday Season

This is Robbie Dilmore from The Christian Car Guy and Kingdom Pursuit, where we hear how God takes your passion and uses it to build a kingdom. Your chosen Truth Network Podcast is starting in just a few seconds.

Enjoy it and share it. But most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing the Truth Podcast Network. We came to Ecuador for the task force to train the unit here that is responsible for human trafficking and abuse against women in this country. They're currently at 40 plus agents. They're understaffed by about 20. And for the last four days, we've trained and will train just under 30 of their agents. So it's been a good time from my perspective.

The team has functioned very well. We've taught them how to handle firearms, some very basic abilities to enter rooms and to do so safely, maybe to address the subject. Welcome to Lantern Rescue, a ministry program dedicated to bringing light into the darkness of human trafficking. It's time to light the way to freedom. This is Lantern Rescue. We tell the stories, we talk about rescues and we empower you to do something about it.

William Wilberforce once said, let it not be said I was silent when they needed me. This is Lantern Rescue. Hi guys, and welcome to Lantern Rescue. This is Whitney and I will be hosting today. With me I have Gabby and Wren and we are excited to kind of come to you guys with a, we'll call it a holiday edition podcast about Lantern Rescue and then some of the efforts and ways that we can really focus our attention as the holidays roll in into the grooming techniques and things that just come along with with the holiday season.

So, Gabby and Wren, if you guys will say hello, let's get started. I know originally kind of what prompted our hearts for this is, you know, we do have family members, right, and kids and so during the holidays, it tends to be a time where, you know, we gather as family and we don't really consider some of the more difficult conversation pieces that could come around during this time of year. Wren, I know we talked a little bit about the body autonomy piece so that's really kind of what I want to focus on, you know, we have small kids, we want them to hug everybody and, you know, give Uncle Frank a hug and Aunt Sally a hug, you know, and so what are some of those things that maybe we don't as parents necessarily pay attention to sometimes? Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, it is really common when you go to leave somewhere that, you know, you're leaving the house on the holidays or you first get there and you meet your kids, because I remember having to do this when I was a kid, you know, to go up and give like everyone in the family a hug and a kiss even if like you didn't want to and it just made you feel uncomfortable which was, I wasn't like a very, I didn't like physical touching the child so that wasn't something that I was super thrilled about ever doing and I distinctly have memories of like being forced to do it.

And not in a way this is me because no one obviously means that to be like a bad thing and it can, it seems like such a small thing but if you think about it in a bigger scale and what that can kind of evolve into and snowball into, it really does turn into them disassociating their body from being their own and allowing other people to use it in a way that makes them happy. Yeah, you know, and it's crazy to even have to think about that, you know, I have young kids as well and so the idea that as a parent I even have to take my mind to that place to ensure the child, my child's safety with even people that I love, you know, that's a kind of a scary thought and then with the holidays upon us, you know, some people that are going to be hearing this may, this may be a thought that as a parent you've never even considered, but the reality of it is it's, you know, we live in a day and time where predators can be our next door neighbors, they can be our family members, they can be just a large scale of people and even people that are close to us. Gabby, I know you have kids as well, so what are some of the things that, you know, are there any tips you can give other parents as to how to begin these discussions even maybe with your children or without, without kind of scaring them?

How do you, how do you balance that? Gabby, are you there? Yeah, I sure am. You're muted, huh? It's okay.

Thank you, Red, for the curse. Yeah, sometimes it's not just automatically getting red flags. Sometimes it's just, sometimes they are in a mood or in a space where they don't want to be touched and teaching them to vocalize that. My kids love my sisters and almost always just run to them, hug on them, want to cuddle them, and sometimes they just want space. And so I have tried to teach them just to vocalize that in a polite way where they're like, I need space right now. So if that looks like, you know, hey, I'm going to say bye to you and my six year old saying, I don't really want to hug right now, I'll hug you later, then that, that is what it is as long as he feels secure in stating that. And when it's, it's more strangers, I usually hop in and help him too. But I start with those like really close family members teaching him that it is okay to set those boundaries and to talk and to be open. It comes in even with things like when he's upset, you know, sometimes instead of jumping right into talking about what he did wrong, sometimes he needs a minute to process and he'll say that, can I have a minute please?

And I respect that and let him have a minute so that he is able to meet me to have the conversation that we need to have. And I think that's just really important for all kids to learn because those habits become habits when we're adults and those are habits as adults we definitely need in the world today. You know, maybe I'm just speaking for myself on this, but maybe hopefully not. But, you know, even heading into adulthood, the idea of boundaries was not something that was really projected and discussed in my, in my bringing up per se. Now, you know, you knew like the, the, you know, don't touch zones, right, but the rest of those boundaries when it came to people were never really established.

And, you know, honestly, I think those, those are some of the pieces that formulate that idea of discernment, right? And children have a way of knowing when things are just, you know, maybe not comfortable and we overlook it, right? So if we can teach them these boundaries early on, man, I think that would have been really beneficial even into adulthood for myself, because it would make saying no to things a lot easier.

I totally agree. And we're also like, not saying that Uncle Frank is a child molester, that's why you shouldn't hug people. We're not saying that. What we're saying is, you know, hopefully no one in your family is, we're not accusing anyone. But we're just, what we're saying is these boundaries are so beneficial to establish at such a young age, and give them that ability to say no to the safe person, because that gives them the chance later to say no to the unsaved person.

So, yeah, I mean, I grew up without really, the same way you said it, like, obviously, you didn't have touchdowns and nothing like that. But, you know, without those boundaries being taught, but I think a lot of that was just, you know, we've learned a lot in the last couple of decades. And changing the openness around parenting, around talking about these topics is really, is really helping. I know this is kind of a strange thing for some people, because I did grow up in the world of you have to hug because everyone.

And that dynamic is shifting and that conversation is really starting to open up. Yeah, and you know, I've been guilty of the same thing I can think about many times where, and like you said, it's not even about the potential that someone in your family may not have good intentions. It's more even about your children creating and establishing those boundaries. But even with my children, you know, we've been in family settings where I know someone's feelings are going to get hurt if they don't get a hug from my child. So I kind of continue to enforce that, you know, just give them a hug. They love you so much, you know, that idea. And honestly, I have so many times, even knowing what I know, skipped over the idea of giving them that option, giving them that choice with regards to their emotions, their physical boundaries, all of those pieces. And I think we just, we tend to underestimate how important that is for our kids, you know, not just us as adults, but for our children.

Yeah, no, I absolutely agree. And it goes both ways too, you know, like you get focused on teaching your kids when they're small, to respect other people's boundaries. Don't always get in their face. Don't jump on them.

Don't this, this, this and this. And if you focus solely on that, and not the other way around, they are going to get into that position where as adults, they always want to respect people but never are able to vocalize hard conversations for themselves. Yes.

Yes, it is. I think that that would have allowed all of us even moving into adulthood had those things been established for us at a younger age, you know, conquering those more difficult conversations heading into adulthood would have been made a little bit easier. Because you know where you stand in it, you know, and I think sometimes we just cheapen the idea of that for our children, that their opinion or their feelings don't matter as much as somebody else's feelings. As adults, like we have such a problem in generations with emotional regulation and communication.

And we are at a place where if we're trying to grow ourselves, it's okay to, you know, have to try and fill with your kids but to attempt it. And one thing people don't always like to talk about is sometimes when your child is a victim of abuse from a family member that they've also loved, there's not always an aversion to them, sometimes there isn't sometimes they're not they still might hug them, it might not be for the same intent. But there's all these lines that can get crossed and if your child doesn't have a safe space to come and talk to you and trust that you are going to actually listen to them and believe them in things, then it's going to get skated right over for years.

Absolutely. Can you imagine being the parent that, you know, the child being abused by a family relative that you're forcing them to hug at every gathering and you're unaware of this abuse and it takes them a while to kind of board you because you made me go out of physical contact with them, they're not going to be able to disconnect that. Man, that's just like that's like a pausing point, you know, to consider that for a moment because we are just so quick to step in in those ways doing what we think is right.

But could you imagine being on the flip side of that as the child, you know, and we're over here begging you to go kiss somebody on the cheek that maybe has not been pure and intentions with with your children. And that's a harsh, that's a harsh thought to consider. But we can look at the statistics and see that, you know, there's definitely not. It's there's reason there's reason for concern. You know, we live in the reason for concern. Absolutely.

And there's something even. Go ahead. Sorry, Ren. Do not say I'll be so sad or don't. Don't do the fake tears. Don't do that. Because I think we've all experienced that we're like, you know, you try to dodge a kid, and then you get the Oh, that makes me so sad.

Don't do that. Don't don't make them feel bad for allowing themselves to have control of their own bodies. That's not that's not your place.

I agree completely. I mean, if you think about it to in your life, there was probably some point that you're protective of your siblings or even your parents. And that's something that kids can do to is is they don't want to disappoint you. They don't want to hurt you. And they're protective over you. So if there's a relationship that's hurting them and their life, especially as they get kind of older, sometimes because they don't want to hurt you. And I know we've experienced it and my like distant family where that's happened, and they wouldn't say anything because they didn't want to cause a rift in the family. And that's so sad to me because that other person is the one that's causing the rift. But either way, there should be a safe space to talk about it.

Right. And the comprehension of children at a certain age, while it's like it's elevated to some extent, there's other pieces of it that aren't there, right? Like they don't know how to, to necessarily open up on some of those topics and discussions. So sometimes it comes down to, to asking hard questions as well. And I think that is something that can't be overlooked in this discussion either, is the idea of having those conversations with your children and asking questions that might might be weird, you know, like, well, why didn't you want to why didn't you want to go sit with so and so?

Or, you know, I just think there's value in being open and in discussion with your children and giving them the opportunity to tell you those things, not just passing it by and expecting that they'll come to you when they feel the need. Right. Yeah. And having worked with a ton of victims overseas and domestically, victims of sexual childhood, sexual abuse, one of the first things they'll say that is like it just keeps repeating in my life is I don't really know if I like Uncle so-and-so. He's weird. The weird word is like an immediate red flag.

If a child tells you that an adult in their life is weird, you didn't need them to get that. That's an important piece. Well, that is actually going to run us into our first break, ladies. So if you are listening to our podcast today, I hope that you will reach out to us on social media, check us out on social media platforms. We do operate on Instagram and Facebook.

So if you've not looked into those, please do. And we will be back shortly. Thank you so much. All right, guys, welcome back. We are excited that you have joined us for this episode today.

I am with Rin and Gabby. And really, we've just been taking a moment to think and talk through the holiday season and maybe some of the harder, more difficult decisions and questions and thoughts that we need to have regarding our children during the holiday season. You know, we were really just talking about how so often we, especially those of us that have young children, are quick to encourage our children to hug and kiss everybody in the family, right? It's just like everybody's here, love on them.

Right. But Rin, you had stated something over the break that I think is really, really important. I'd really love for you to share it because I think it drives, drives at home for people that are listening in as to why it is so important for our children to recognize that they do have an option in hugging and kissing, you know, Aunt Sally and Uncle Frank.

If you're an Aunt Sally or Uncle Frank, I'm sorry in advance. We're just rolling out some names here. But it's just that idea, right? So, Rin, will you tell us a little bit more about what you just said? I think it's important for our listeners to hear.

Yeah, absolutely. So what I was saying was, you know, it doesn't seem like a big thing to, if you think about it in the longer term context, that is something that you are teaching, everything that we teach our children is a foundation of what they use as an adult. So what you're teaching them is this transactional nature of you show love and affection through physical and that's it. You know, if you don't hug or kiss Aunt Sally, then you don't love her, you're going to upset her. Now, fast forward to their first relationship as a teen or a young adult, they're in their first relationship that's becoming romantic and potentially sexual and they're getting pressured. Well, if you love me, you'll have sex with me.

If you love me, you'll do this. That's how you show you love someone. And now they're taking that foundation they learned as a child that, okay, to make them not leave, to make them not unhappy, I have to give this physical affection because I, at that point, they're desensitized because they spent, you know, 13, 14, 15 years having to hug and kiss people that made them uncomfortable.

Now, there was someone that they do have emotion for, that they do have a romantic feeling for. Obviously, in their mind, they should give their body to them. So it seems like a small thing, but you've got to think of how it can turn into this bigger thing. You know, we teach our kids not to lie, not to, you can't take from your friend's house, not stealing. Well, you know, what you're teaching them is to not steal from Walmart when they're 30. It's the small things that we teach when they're younger that can turn into these really big life lessons. Whether you see that as the lesson or not, this is something that can really impact the way they are in relationships and really impact how they use and view their own body.

Absolutely. That is an incredible and profound statement to make. I mean, the idea, because we think about it with a lot of other things, like the simple things like stealing and lying, right, those pieces.

But when it comes to the physical piece of it, you know, we even as adults have been groomed in a certain way or we've been thought made to think a certain thing or a certain way about physical touch and all of those pieces, right? There's things that have poured into that for our sake, our lives. But we are pouring now into our children.

And what are we pouring in? And man, I would have never considered just the ramifications of a simple action like that over time. What it creates in them, you know, as they head into into young adulthood, which is a confusing place to be anyways, half of the time. So we're not we're adding to it. Right. And as parents, we got to be aware of that. We are preparing our kids if we're looking at realities for a world that is very over sexualized anyway.

Absolutely. And they're told that what they consider as their gender or sex or whatever it is, is more powerful to them than almost anything else. So if it is being popular on an OnlyFans or having content or a relationship like they the culture of the world is telling them that that that is powerful and that is their identity.

You also do a disservice to them to not openly talk about it and really build their identity separate from that. They are going to easily buckle under that pressure. And it is it is a lot I can.

I remember growing up how much pressure it was for me. I cannot imagine being my kids in the world that they are going to be in, but I can do my best to prepare them for it. That's right. Absolutely. I think that preparation looks different now than what it did when our parents were preparing to to raise us, because really we look around the world and not that evil hasn't always existed, but it is just in your face, you know, and you said something that I think is important, Gabby, because there are these things run into their young adulthood.

Right. And so then they begin to to determine their worth and value by some of those those foundational pieces that we have created. And so if we have created this idea that, you know, like Ren said, that physical touch is that love emotion and those two pair together, then they're only being continually fed that from that point forward because it's all over the media.

And as they grow into, you know, young teens, they're spending majority of their life on TikTok and Instagram. And that is continuing to feed that same cycle. And man, I don't think we even recognize that that cycle begins so early on and that we could be a part of creating and putting foundational pieces into that cycle to start it.

That's a scary thought. Yeah, it definitely is. It is a lot, which is why I'm so thankful, like having other moms that see things like me and that are OK to like talk about where they're struggling or where they feel like they're failing and like really lean into those conversations and be able to like trust in God and look at some of the truth that comes out from people and be able to do better. It's encouraging because none of us could do this alone.

It is a lie. If you're feeling like that, then trust me, I've been there. I will be there again. But there is always hope. And even even if it feels like it's too late, you know, there's always renewal in it. And like with my kids, my job is to protect them from those kinds of things happening to them. But ultimately, it's also letting them know that they're going to be OK, even if it does.

That I will always love them and that they're not going to be alone with it and that I'm going to believe them and whatever they're going through and that I'm there. Right. I do think that's an important piece.

And if you are listening to this as a parent and you're like, man, I've already set some foundational pieces I need to dig up and uproot. You know, that is that is the beauty of God. Right. That is the beauty of his faithfulness and his mercy towards us is that, you know, we're not perfect parents and we're not perfect people. But when we when we place him in the midst of that, he is able to, you know, create that perfection in Christ. And I think that we try so hard to be perfect in our parenting styles or even, you know, adulting styles. Right.

But that's not that's not what it's about. We were never going to be perfect. That was the ultimate sacrifice handed to us. So I definitely think those are pieces that sometimes we've got to give ourselves a little grace on and just be willing to step in. And now that we know do it different, it's about now that you know, what are you going to do different?

Not staying in the same stagnant spot. So, well, I think that is a very important piece to touch down for the holiday season. I also, you know, we talked a little bit about this prior to break as well. But, you know, Gabby, you mentioned these people that these young teens that are gathering their worth and value from online tools. And I think that is something worth addressing. And we've got a limited time to do it. But I do think there's an important piece as parents, as your children are home for the holidays, out of school for the holidays, to be aware of maybe the time they're spending pouring into that value and worth via TikTok and Instagram and whatever else. Right. So those platforms. What are some good tips and tools that you guys can offer for our parents listening in that maybe reengage their children outside of those social media outlets?

Yeah, that's a tough one. Kids really love the TikTok and Instagram these days. But it is it's really hard to try to substitute something that gives them such instant gratification in their daily lives. For us, we just don't allow social media, which I know is not, you know, everyone's path. But if you are allowed on social media, just being engaging with who they're talking to, not to a point where you're so overbearing that they're going to hide it from you. But having open conversations about that and definitely limiting screen time over the holidays, you can set controls. You can download apps that help flag for potentially predatory conversation. There's there's a lot you can do within the phone. But really, the foundation of everything is having that open and honest conversation with your kids and letting them know, like Gabby had said earlier, that they can always come to you, even if they already made a mistake, even if they already had a conversation with someone that they shouldn't have. Or, you know, maybe they even send an image or two that they shouldn't have, letting them come to you and not exploding because then that'll be the last time they ever come to you.

So having those open conversations and really keeping that door open and letting it be a judgment free zone, but also one that's going to fix the problem moving forward and not give them more foundation to help them understand what is good and what is bad communication. And this might be that time of year that it's a good, you know, we're all we're all speeding up, but we're we're slowing down when it comes to taking time with family, intentional time with family. Maybe this is a time of year. That's a good moment to sit down and talk with your kids and be invested in. Hey, what's been going on for the last four months of school?

You know, like, how's it going? Right. Have those those. I love you. I'm sorry. I haven't been as intentional. We've been crazy busy.

Right. But now I want to sit down. I want to have that time with you. And that takes away that time on the screen when you sit down and say, hey, tell me about life lately.

What's been going on? You know, I agree. My kids are too young to have social media of their own. But because my older oldest one has seen it, like on other people's stuff, he is like, I want to do take talks. And so I think there's other ways you can do it, too. Like I will make silly take talks with him that I don't even post, but that he can go back and watch. And it makes him feel bonded and excited about it without having to add in all of the other pressured pieces. So, I mean, it's going to look different for everyone.

But if you can find a way to just engage your children and talk with them and help them learn how to set boundaries and what's safe and not safe, you're going to be way more prepared than if you just completely ignore that it's happening around them. That re-engagement piece is so important over the holiday season. Well, thank you, ladies, so much. I appreciate it. And I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. You know, Christmas is upon us. So I hope your shopping has been completed and you're ready to enjoy that time with family now. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Bye bye.