Relationships Over Rules

This is Robbie Dilmore from the Christian Car Guy and Kingdom Pursuit, where we hear how God takes your passion and uses it to build a kingdom. Your chosen Truth Network Podcast is starting in just a few seconds.

Enjoy it and share it. But most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing the Truth Podcast Network. This is the Truth Network. This is the United States Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one flaw. Introducing first, from Lithuania, he weighs 123 kilos, the Russian nightmare, Nikita Kolod. Now, the Devil's Nightmare. Welcome back to another episode of It's Time to Man Up. Welcome back to Man Up Show.

Yours truly, Nikita Kolod. Relationships over Rules. Relationships over Rules. Seven principles to lead gracefully and love generously.

What do you think about that? Does that personify your life, like you lead gracefully and you love generously? Well, don't go anywhere, because with me right now, sitting in the studio, David Hoffman, welcome to the Man Up Show. Well, thank you for having me, Nikita. I'm honored to be here. Well, it's great to have you here. I'm glad it's worked out between my schedule, your schedule.

We've had to juggle things a few times, but great to have you here. And, you know, there's a lot of different directions, David, I could go. Now, I'm holding your book.

Thank you for signing it for me, by the way, holding your book in front of me. Of course, we'll dive into that. We'll talk more about that. But you reminded me that we have, I guess, in a way, a mutual friend, a guy known for his woo, woo, which would be none other than the nature boy, Ric Flair. But I guess I didn't realize you live next door to Rick for a year or at least used to work out together, train together and all.

Yeah, we were next door neighbors for many years. And the long and the short of it was when I finally gave my life to Jesus, February 24th, 2009, God said, you're finally ready to receive my plan for your life. You know, I've got Jeremiah 29, 11 in my conference room, my real estate company, Nikita, and we've got it in big print, you know, to remind people that he has a plan for you for you to prosper, not be harmed.

So when they're walking into the conference room and they're holding on tight to the laptops and Excel spray sheets and they're stressed out and money might be the master, I just want them to realize that God has planned for their life. So that day when I finally gave my life to Jesus after being raised Jewish, going far from him, challenging if he knows me, if he exists, I went through a lot of trials and tribulations like many have, I finally gave my life to him on a Tuesday afternoon. And the next day I actually went out with Rick for his 60th birthday, just him and I. 60th birthday. Yeah, so 15 years ago last month and my bride was sitting at the restaurant.

Okay. And God's like, okay, you're finally ready to start receiving everything that I've had planned for you. And so right now the listeners are like, his bride was sitting at the restaurant, meaning that was really your first introduction to her and she became your bride. I met her for about three minutes that evening. Right, right.

And we had our first date a week later. Okay. And we realized we had very different but very similar childhoods. Yeah.

You know, she was raised with a very strong faith but had her own challenges. I never heard the name of Jesus until I was almost 30 years old. Wow. I was going to ask you, like, so how old were you when you surrendered your heart?

I was 29. Okay. And, you know, there's a lot to this story. You know, many people have strife in their life. You know, I can share. I can share a little bit about why I was so far from God. You know, my father was Jewish.

My mother converted to Judaism for my father before I was born. Okay. And when my mom was pregnant with me, Nikita, the doctors told her, you have MS and if you have this little boy, it'll change your life forever, not for the better. Hmm. My mom chose life, thankfully, and it paralyzed her from the waist down.

Oh, wow. When I was two, my father took me and left. And I only saw my mom three or four times a year for the rest of my childhood, adolescent years, teenage years. My father remarried and that started a lot of neglect and abuse.

I was never physically touched, but I spent most of my days in my bedroom to the point that one day my father was never around and he left when I was 11, but he left me with my stepmother. I heard my stepmother come home and ask the babysitter if David left his room. And she said, yeah, I heard the bath water running. And I thought, oh, boy. And I got a lot of trouble for that.

What do I do now? So I moved to the toilet. So I learned to drink toilet water. I only felt comfortable a few years ago when I was going through this process with the book, Nikita, when God said, you know, this is this is your story, but it's for my glory. And so I feel comfortable sharing it. And at the time, on one hand, I didn't really I didn't want that life.

I hated God, but I never felt like a victim. You know, the food was counted in the kitchen, the pieces of the bread, the apples, the cookies. And so I just went to the dog food in the basement. And so in real time, I was more mad that I couldn't be with my mom. I would see my mom three or four times a year. And if she was here today, you would think that she's perfectly fine. She actually passed 20 years ago. But she never complained once, Nikita. I look back as a father and a husband myself, I'm like, wow, her only child's taken away from her. Her husband leaves her, her health, she loses everything. I'd see her three or four times a year. And I would come home and think, why am I in this loveless house, when I've got this beautiful woman who loves me unconditionally. And I was always just told that she didn't want me and she would have right, you know, she would have not had me if she knew and I found that she did know. And she chose to have me.

Fast forwarding, when I was 24, I was on the phone with my mom. I'm very self-righteous at this point. I'm very mad at the Lord. I either think, you know, either you're a bad God or you don't exist. Yeah, there's no God. There's no God. That's the easy answer.

Right. And I'm on the phone with my mom and she's proud of me. I'm reaching some worldly success in Washington, DC. She's in New York City still. And she said, David, come visit me.

It's the holidays of 03. And I said, absolutely, mom. But I'm selfish. I'm self-righteous. I'm like Nikita.

I'm dating everyone I can. I'm trying to make money. Reaching worldly success. I'm like, I told you, God. I proved to you that I can make something. Three weeks later, I got a call that she died. You know, the one regret in my life was... Without seeing her. Without seeing her. You didn't get to see...

Okay. The one regret in your life, you were going to say. So I get to the funeral open casket and, you know, here I cried for days. But I never had any friends. You know, my friends were the ones that when I'm walking around trick-or-treating, I couldn't eat the candy because I was allergic to everything.

And we saw, you know, I'm using air quotes. I was not allergic to everything because I was, I was taking the bread in the kitchen and my stepmother didn't know. And since she started counting it and I always got straight A's like, so I wasn't having bad grades. I wasn't doing anything. I was realizing that it wasn't anything that I was doing. I started shoving snow at eight years old and raking leaves and washing cars to make a little money to go get food. And so I realized I wasn't allergic to any of that stuff.

Right. I was eating it. She just didn't know. But I've learned to forgive her through the love and grace of Jesus. I forgave my father and my stepmother. They both apologized separately. Now I don't forget and keep. I think a lot of times people mix that.

They think, well, if I forgive someone, I have to keep them. No, I think tough relationships are okay, but not toxic. Right. Right. Yeah.

And I wrote the very first book, which I've got to get back in print one of these days, Breaking the Chains that, you know, you learn you can be with some people for two minutes, not two hours and some for two hours, but not two days and got to figure out who fits into what category. And that doesn't mean you don't love them, but the Lord taught me, love that person from a distance. You can still love them, but you don't have to be their best friend.

Right. You just learn to love them from a distance. And I jokingly or ironically say, and most of the time it seems like the ones that you only want to be around for two minutes are the closest to you.

Family members, everyone who has that uncle, you know, or, but, so it's a fascinating story, David, a lot of different directions. We could, we could certainly go with that. Let me, let me go back to flare just for a moment. Cause you said something before we came on air, I was trying to catch how you said it, but something about misdirection, indirection or, or when you go on a different direction, once you go on a different direction, like you give your life to Lord, those you thought think of your friends is essentially, cause you haven't seen them now in many years, but kind of abandon you. Right.

Or how, how did you say that before we came on air? His redirection, Lord's redirection is for your own protection. Okay.

All right. So pause right there. The Lord's redirection is for your own protection. Wow. Somebody, somebody out there needs to hear that right now.

The Lord's redirection is for your own protection. Okay. Continue.

Yeah. And, and, um, you know, I used to be a people pleaser, Nikita growing up without much love in my life, without any identity or self-worth, you know, I was suicidal as a child. I felt worthless. I felt like my mother should have not had me and she could have had normal life. I felt guilty. I felt guilty that my mother sacrificed her life for me.

Yeah. And then I wondered why I couldn't be with her. You know, my, my mother sacrificed her life for me, goes from perfectly healthy to paralyzed. And then I'm not fearing for my life in a physical way, but I'm jailed in my own room.

I have no friends. You know, I, I'm not getting a lot of food and water and milk and, but then I fast forward and I look back and I'm like, wow, God was working Nikita. That adversity gave me a perspective of what I really needed.

You know, the Israelites being raised Jewish, I understand the story of the Israelites hoarding the manna. God says, don't worry about tomorrow. Right. I got you covered, right? Yeah, I got you covered. But then they have maggots all over because they want to hoard it and hold on. And you know, we all say we have a lot of faith, but we don't lead on God until he challenges it.

Right. And then we're like, okay, okay. Like I'm out of money.

My marriage doesn't work. And so for me, you know, growing up, I just wanted a friend. I just wanted someone who would give me a chance and I felt like I never had anyone. But that adversity as a young man taught me how to work. You know, I started working at eight years old.

I started running a business at eight years old and that has given me a work ethic to this day. It gave me a perspective that I don't need a lot, that the Lord provides. You know, he was always there for me. Romans 8, 28.

He's working all things together for the good of those who love him. And it just taught me gratitude. And you know, I've got two boys now. And last summer we took into custody of a precious little girl who's 10 years old. And I told her on, I met her, I was like, you remind me of the girl version of me.

She came up with a very tough childhood herself. And so God was working. He had a plan. Sometimes we don't hear it until we get to heaven, Akita, and you're like, oh, oh, oh.

The most commonly used word is oh. But you see his plan. It's beautiful. Yeah. And yeah, you give, asking for eyes to see, right?

Give me eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to receive and understand, right? And we have a lot of relatability. You and I haven't talked a lot, but we have a lot of relatability there in the sense that I grew up without a dad.

My mom was the youngest of four. My mom takes us eventually out of the projects to the suburbs. I get a paper route. So like yourself, I tell people I was an entrepreneur at a very young age, right? So I become kind of self-employed in the fifth, sixth grade. And from there, just continue to pursue success and all that sort of thing. But don't look back on my childhood of growing up in the projects without a dad as a product of welfare.

So no dad, no money, they're in the projects initially. But I look back like you with a heart of gratitude because that adversity is what helped to form and make me who I am today as well. So wow, that's fascinating. I mean, it's just fascinating, your story and your perspective on things. And your story is helping somebody out there in listening land. I hope so.

Yeah, relate and get a better understanding on their own life and adversity that we go through. You're listening to the Truth Network and truthnetwork.com. Nikita Kollof here and I am excited, did you hear the huge announcement, the big announcement?

Well, maybe it's a minor announcement. Anyway, Facebook, go look up my new fan page, Nikita Kollof Fans, and like it and follow today. Did your company, business, or you personally like to partner with me in supporting Kollof for Christ Ministries, the Man Up Show and Man Up Minutes? Go to kollof.net and click the donate button.

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Check out Dr. Johnny Gaten at eyesightassociates.com. If you would like to support Kollof for Christ Ministries, for a gift of $25, Nikita will send you his two CDs, Adoration and Declaration. For a gift of $50, Nikita will include his book, Wrestling with Success, and for a gift of $100 or more, Nikita will include a signed copy of his newly updated life story, A Tale of the Ring and Redemption. Go to www.kollof.net and donate today.

You're listening to the Truth Network and truthnetwork.com. So you mentioned the two boys and taking in the girl, so just take a minute and tell us about the family then too. Yeah, so I've got my bride, Jessica, and we got married 11 years ago this coming Saturday, and I met her the day after getting saved. I've got two boys. My wife had some real physical elements in between the two boys. We thought we couldn't have our second boy.

Actually, some doctors thought she had MS too, and she has said to me, you know, David, you did for me what you wanted your father to do for your mother, so my father abandoned my mother, took her only child away, and then remarried for the easier life. And then last summer, Nikita, when the pandemic began, God put three things in my heart. Stay faithful, lead your company, don't worry about money, don't worry about this virus, just keep me in the center and be a reflection of my son. Get your story out there, you know, Relations Over Rules to encourage others that if I can do this, you can do a measurably more with God in the center, and that the Relations In Your Life overrule the rules of the world that tell you that, you know, you can't break out of poverty, you can't break out, break the chains, and you can't be a good father because you didn't have a good father, you can't be Jewish and give your life to Jesus, you can't get out, you can't break the chains, you can't overcome and reach your dreams and your true potential. And so then last summer, not only did we write the book last year, and lead faithfully in my real estate company during the pandemic, and last year was a little tough financially, but money's not a master. It's a tool in my tool belt, but it's under God, Nikita, but it was on my heart to be open to a little girl, because my wife is told, you know, we can't have any more kids, I'd have a vasectomy so she wouldn't be unhealthy, and we had it on our calendar, I won't bore the readers with all the details, but it's a but God story, when people say, where'd this come from?

Where'd this story come from? Where'd this precious little girl come out of left field? God had a plan for her life and for our lives, I had it on my calendar on a Saturday in June to start foster training, to be open to adopting a little girl, and God put this precious little girl whose mom had died in our life through a distant family friend of my wife's, and we brought her in on a Friday at 1030 at night, my wife looked at the big family calendar and said, I guess we can cross that off tomorrow because God provided a day early, and so, but if I wasn't open to this little girl coming out of the pandemic, if I wasn't open, if I had fear about telling my story and focusing on the book versus growing a real estate company making money during the pandemic, if I was scared about money and I'm letting people go during the pandemic, God's thinking, okay, I'm here for David, but if he's not gonna listen to me, it's no different, Nikita, when someone asks, well, if I just do good things, why can't I be in heaven?

Right. Well, Jesus wants you there with him, but just like that girl in high school that you liked, but she didn't want to date you, you're not gonna make her live with you, you want her to go on a date with you, you're not gonna throw in the car and lock her down, and so Jesus is like, I want you in my house, but if you don't want to be here with me, I'm not gonna force you, I'm not gonna force you, and so he does give us free will, yep, yep, he does, and so this little precious angel comes into your life, and of course you embrace her and adopt her, I mean, we're moving towards that, we have Leo custody, we want it to be her idea, she's gone through a very difficult first 10 years, just the worst stuff imaginable, I wish, I want to encourage more fathers and mothers to be open to adopting these little girls, she's precious. My youngest daughter, Colby, and her husband, Andrew, are in the process of adopting their first child. Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah, and the whole family's super excited about that, they're excited about it, I'm excited about it, that'd be grandchild number 12 for me, believe it or not. And so, you're a marketplace guy, you're out there in the business world, but yet you don't shy away from your faith, which, it's interesting, because I study the life of Jesus and see that he spent way more time out in the marketplace, it seems like, than he did in the synagogue. He went to the synagogue, he attended the time there, he spoke there, but spent way more time in people's homes and out in the marketplace, and so you've taken that arena, if you will, the marketplace, and using it as a platform, like, for me, I got the wrestling background, right, and so I can utilize wrestling as a platform to draw folks into speaking engagement and hear my story. The book, Relationships Over Rules, you know, you've made some references to that, I've referenced it, actually, see, I'm looking at the cover here, looks like we have a mutual friend in Lieutenant Governor Mark Robinson, who currently is running for governor, right? But I like this, David will encourage you to reach your true potential and go beyond what the world says is possible.

Which is what you were really kind of addressing before, right? You can't break out of the mold, you know, or can't break out of that poverty mindset. I struggled for many years, just for the record, with a poverty mindset, because of the projects, and the Lord had to really teach me what it meant to, one, be generous on every occasion, and be a cheerful giver, and so let's talk about the book. What inspired you to write Relationships Over Rules? Well, you know, when people have learned my life, Nikita, you know, I reached some level of success in real estate, and from a worldly standpoint, but when they hear that I'm not from Charlotte, I'm not from North Carolina, my dad didn't have a real estate company, my grandpa didn't have a business here, and they start learning the other side of what my childhood really looked like, and my young adult life really looked like, like, wow, you know, there's a lot of people that could probably benefit from your story because they think they're not enough.

They think that the rules of the world telling them, well, you've been abused, you're going to abuse, you know, you were treated less then than you are less then, you know, you're identified as not enough, and so that's always going to be the case, and that generational curse will continue, and so the funny thing is, well, another one of the rules is, when the pandemic started and everyone's hunkering down, the Lord said, okay, now's your time. He's like, I've worked through you long enough as a vessel, similar to you in the marketplace in wrestling, me in real estate. When people trust you and when they follow you and they get close to you, Nikita, they will drop their guard and they'll be open to receive your story of how God has worked in your life. You know, I trust my pastor, some people do, some people don't trust their pastor.

Mark Robinson, hopefully he's our next governor, he's a dear friend, I really care about him, but a lot of people don't trust a politician. But if you can be in the marketplace and meet people where they are and they drop their guard and they show you their true self, their spirit, their soul, not just their flesh, you can really change their life for the better. The devil wants us, he's just a creature, but he was smart, he brought 30% down, right, so he's just a creature, he's not a creator, but he does want to tell us we're not enough. He does want to tell us that the rules of the world are absolutely the case, and he's a CEO of this world. Father of life, right.

Absolutely. The ultimate counterfeit artist. So I just want to encourage people that for the longest time, just like you had to fight to get out of poverty just from a mindset, for the longest time, I was a people pleaser, for the longest time I was not enough. I was self-righteous, I followed any type of success, I wanted people to believe in me, I found my worth in others, in works, I found my worth in awards and trophies and plaques, and I didn't realize what the devil was doing.

And so when the economy crashed in 08, and I just felt like I was all alone again, I said to God on a Sunday night, I said, God, I feel like you've taken everything from me, I literally have nothing, I finally had some money. Like a Job kind of innocence. Oh, I love Job. Job story.

100% like Job. And you know, before I knew Job, I loved Job, and I heard God loud and clear that Sunday night, Nikita, he goes, and my wife has seen me hear him audibly, so she used to challenge me, she doesn't anymore, she's like, what else has he said? It always comes true, because he'll use us all differently. And he said, Dave, you try your way long enough, give it to me. Two days later, I'm having lunch with a dear friend.

He started Love Life, by the way, in 2016, dear friend, I was just with him in North Wicksboro, and he's traveling the world, just helping women see an option for adoption, for their own child, to stay with them, and he's become a brother from another mother, he's one of my close friends, I love him like a brother. We sit down, and he looks at me, and I'm like, hey, so how's it going? He's like, no, Dave, it's about you today. He's like, you tried it your way long enough, give it to God. Exactly what the Lord said to me a day and a half earlier.

And he said, that was just put on my heart to share with you. I started crying, and I was like, Justin, I'm just so tired. I feel like I have no one. I feel like no matter how hard I try, it's never enough. I'm not enough.

I don't have any loved ones. And he told me about my Lord and Savior, and that I'm loved, and I've got a Heavenly Father, and if I don't have a Father who loves me here, I've got someone who will always provide, even if I don't have any money, that one day I'll find the bride, but that's an idol I don't have to worry about. And the next day, God introduced me to my bride.

You meet her. So he was the one that led you or introduced you to the Lord, Justin was? Yes.

Justin Reeder. Yeah, yeah. That's incredible. And so you go from, because if the audience didn't catch it earlier, you go from really from hating God, even questioning or doubting God really even existed, to surrendering your life to the Lord, and then, man, just all these different doors begin to open for you.

It's incredible. You know, I'm looking at the back cover of your book here, Your Path to Purpose Begins with People. Yeah, Nikita. In the marketplace, that's where I can relate most, but it happens in our marriage, it happens when we're dating, it happens with our kids and their friends, we're always looking for the next. You know, if our marriage isn't working, we either covet our neighbor's bride or husband, or we're going to the next infatuation phase of that dating period where someone likes you for your physical attraction or because of what you tell them, and they tell you what you want to hear, and you feel good for a few months. The devil really just gives you what you think you need.

And then when the transaction's over, in the transaction, you're really serving, but then you move on. And I always joke, I love Chick-fil-A. I really do. My family loves it. I love everything they stand for, and it's just a great experience, and I love the fact they're closed on Sunday. Money's not their master. I know they serve.

I love them. And it's one of the best experiences, but it's still not a relationship. You know, when I leave there on Saturday or Tuesday or Monday after soccer practice with my boys, I take my family there on a Friday, it's a really good experience, but it's still not a relationship. And so, you know, in the marketplace, you're always focusing on the transaction. You're focusing on the next transaction, the next person. But if you focus on the relationship, and it's not just in the marketplace, if you focus on your own marriage, if you focus on your own kids, if you focus on your own family, your own neighbor, you can't give your all to every single person on this side. But God makes no mistakes. So if he puts one person in your life or a thousand, he gives you the bandwidth for the people he puts in your life, and the people he puts in your life may be tough at times, but they're not toxic. It's us as men, as sinners that are hopefully born again, that sometimes stray, and we seek, and God's like, no, no, that's not how I put in your life. You know, focus on your marriage, focus on your own kids, focus on your own relationships.

Don't seek out something else. And so I just want to encourage people that if you just focus on the people in their life and just give more than they take with the people in their life, they will receive more than they can ever imagine. And I'm not talking about money and success.

I'm just talking about all of God's goodness. It's the fulfillment. It's just a fulfilled life, right?

What you're really referring to is living a fulfilled life. So I'm guessing Amazon, where all can they – because just our conversation today, I know it's going to inspire people to want to get a copy of your book. So where can they pick up a copy?

Absolutely. Amazon, Barnes & Noble. You know, the other day I got a note from someone who saw it at the NRB National Recording Broadcasting in Nashville. It was just there.

Yeah. It was in the Opryland bookstore. I see it all over the Barnes & Nobles. But online, Amazon is probably the easiest way, christianbooks.com. The Lord has really provided this book to be a vessel to reach as many people as he wants it to reach. Well, and I appreciate your time today in coming in and just sharing just briefly just some of your story. I mean, it's powerful, Relationships Over Rules, Seven Principles to Lead Gracefully and Love Generously.

David Hoffman, I want to encourage you to pick up a copy of this book. You have to be – I was inspired by his story today. You have to be inspired, fulfilling the great plans God has for you, reaching your potential regardless of your past, right? Your past doesn't – I like to say your past doesn't have to hold you back, but it can be a catalyst for projecting you into the future, right? Absolutely. It doesn't have to be a stumbling block. And so last word, we've got just a minute left, last word of encouragement to our audience.

Absolutely, Nikita. For anyone listening today, guys, if you're going to strive for your life this morning or 50 years ago, we are called as believers to suffer at times on this side. So you are enough. I just want to encourage you that God has a big plan for your life and that you're more than enough and that your work here is not done.

That's a good word, good word of advice. You're more than enough and your work here is not done. David Hoffman, Relationships Over Rules. And I feel like we could have about 10 shows together, David, just based on your story and some of our relatability. And so, hey, go out and pick up a copy and, you know, each and every week you have been so faithful to just dial in to the Man Up show and helping spread the word now to well over 90 different countries. And so appreciate all of you out there in Listening Land and I want to challenge you today. Take a piece of advice from David Hoffman and go out today and live a God-filled, God-blessed day. This podcast is made possible by the grace of God and your faithful prayers, support, and generous gifts.

May God bless you for your continual contributions. Go to Kolob.net and donate today. If you are enjoying the Man Up show, would you help us spread the word? Tell your family, tell your friends, tell your neighbors to download, subscribe, and leave a comment.

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