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February 2, 2021 5:00 am
Nikita and longtime Canadian fan, Dwayne, work through a heavy question: Why do men struggle to talk about the emotions of grief? Affected deeply by the suicide of one of their dear and lifelong friends, Dwayne and a friend faced this issue personally.
Hey this is Jim Graham from the masculine dirty podcast where we explore relationship instead a religion every week their chosen Truth Network podcast is starting in just a few seconds to enjoy it Sarah but most of all, thank you for listening you for choosing The Truth Podcast Network.
This is the Truth Network cuticle all fear questions and answers they would pull off the Devils night Duane, I will make you wonderful, good afternoon. Thank you for making yourself available you for giving me the time, Duane Soper, Duane. Great to have you with us, Matt, Duane, I guess to three auto four years ago. Maybe now, when I was doing a 21 city to her inch what people in days across Canada for more provinces.
5500 miles, which I think equates. I'm not good in math but I think the greats like it kilometers like 6500 km or something in 21 days, but we met at one of the wrestling events appear you been a long time wrestling fan right here. You know you're coming.
I could not believe you were coming up Canada because I've been a fan for you. 84 when I first saw you appear on TV quite well that that's amazing that one thing I learned about my trip across Canada was.
I actually had fans in Canada are you proud of you.
I was not aware of that for real.
Like out of the 21 cities. I'd only been to two of those 21 cities so for me it was like what what a huge blessing want to be able to travel across Canada not have to pay for it on top of that, get paid to travel across data that is not like God you are so good you Jesus, right, and then and then the icing on the cake with the cherry on top. As I got to meet incredible fans like yourself when you and your whole family radio wave came along towards the excitement in my eyes and refund my daughter and they all met you and we all left with the impression of why you will think about a bubble by those kind words for real and and it was such a pleasure to meet you and since so many other great fans great folks across Canada and to see your beautiful country. I'm I love traveling and may you we went. We don't II think not. Banff right is that I pronounce it. We got the opportunity to go up me and at some of the young wrestlers took them up. The Banff fall on our on our trip and got to experience one of the natural law hot tub resources up there and have a nice lunch and just taken that beautiful city is while in that it was just so amazing and so beautiful country it is. Thank you to just be in such a long time loyal fan, my goodness, 1984.
Good fun ride with it would over again from the well. You you you got the memories right so that we always have those memories that limit for jumping here. Our topic herein and in your question and a very serious subject that were going to talk about today. Anyone quick highlight that he doesn't have to involve the key to coal off the Russian nightmare but don't give me one want to highlight that of being a fan of wrestling one of your maybe your favorite matches every ache and it could be anybody but just give me give me one real quick. Well I go to Colonel Burger Ct., Brooklyn got great great times here, but that we didn't see a lot of outside stuff living with them, but keep trading and when I saw three tapes with a lot of NWA fan and probably one of my favorite matches would be stark, 86, when you inquire when the total okay well again.
I feel honored that out of all those years of being a fan that stark 86 at night of the skywalkers I think was how that was building and crazy match thereto between the roadways.
I think the midnight express and on that on that scaffolding right and you're it. So you're in Alberta what what what city are you in medicine hat Alberta and a course you mentioned stampede wrestling and there's some legendary guys that involved in stampede wrestling right lawyer to come through the door there after watching it leak 79 folder right up to the Cody meeting nine people come through the heart. The heart foundation right start foundation bulldog stew heart to what was that he had like the dungeon or something.if he had a dungeon at the little bit different than the Russian Russian done in the portrait of you people talk like the real Iversen stories of the guys you went through that that that that's the horrified stories this do I understand was never met the man advised that he was pretty pretty brutal ever eye-opening for anyone thinks wrestling not real, just too bad you can't go back to stews dungeon in and experience some of that so but some of those training camps just reminded let Lex Luther told the story when I was interviewing him a good friend but when he was going to hero met Sue's camp. How Hulk Hogan went to see hero met students Was kind of goofing around, goofing often and I met Sudha broke his leg like the real broke Hulk Hogan slate.just felt like he was disrespecting the opportunity and not taking it serious enough and I I think I got Hogan's attention so well. Duane work at work to jump into your topic hear your questions and that you have been praying about this is you as you submitted this and and it is a very serious subject and and I'll just say right out of the gate, a right upfront.
I certainly don't have all the answers but I think it definitely is something that that you know we need to talk about in that people don't talk enough about it in and out board. You see where this conversation goes today so working to talk on the subject of suicide, suicide, and I noticed kind of reviewing my notes and what you had had sent me in and submitted it. This was the very personal to you and and because you would give me a little background, saying there were no to two guys that that you grew up with it.
You said were more than just brother were more like brothers than just friends and and you know you were in your teens you got got super close and and and one day one day you got a call from your friend Joe that Joel was found yet. Just reviewing some you know what you know that he committed suicide and apparently found life was just too hard and and he'd given up and course you were devastated by that and they want your other friends. You never really talked about. In fact, you said was probably close to 26 years now ago that this did happen in kind, or just kept it in and kept it to yourself and talk to me little bit about that and and and I have a story to relate to that as well. But talk me a little talk to our listeners talk to me little bit about all of that experience for you while we were like brothers. We were inseparable.
Growing up in everything we did, we did together.
We work together we would pull together the day that it happened. I was angry best way to put it. I was like what the heck help you do the unfair, not fair to your friends or family.
I didn't understand why I felt so angry at time went on I was like you not angry are your and my wife was like well you know you have to get over time will change and I didn't want to go to the funeral Nikita. I was curious so bad that the morning of the funeral Mike nope not going to want to do it. He doesn't deserve my respect and she convinced me that I would go shingle you'll never live with it. If you don't go and I went and my friend and I thought the front row and that would be only time I've seen him cry. The only time I cried and we got out of the system and never spoke about it since friends forever and never even mentioned mean to one another and I don't understand why yuppie prayer.
Also, the speaking keeper being pent up inside. Why do we help our emotions of like to know where were man to man up pardon. Upon your show and suck it up like I don't understand why many camp discuss this more detail well and add that's it's it's great you know what you're proposing is right. You know what why why don't we open up more.
Why don't you and I know part of it and again anger is it is a real emotion and the soul is not really nothing wrong with expressing anger or sadness. I know at some point you know there was sadness involved Aaron and and even confusion right. I'm confused. You know why. Why did he do this in a number of reasons. I kinda think of different reasons.
In my mind why some choose that path but to specifically address what you just asked, you know, I think there is a real enemy's name is Satan. You know the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy.
We know that from Scripture and God.
And I think part of his strategy is men, women and people in general, is to get them to to not talk about these sorts of things, and many other things and and as you said kinda keep it in and then he can kinda play without it and keep us in a keep keep us in in bondage if you will in up spiritual prison, you know, through the anger through the through the sadness through the confusion.
He's the author of confusion. Scripture says and so it's only when I have found you many times and I've dealt with this with man on on our man camps. No guys come to the man camp and and sometimes this subject. This topic will come up and and I'm I've been able to fortunately minister to two men who were willing to talk about it.
You might say bring it out of the list to see out of the closet, or even out of the basement of the attic where they've stuffed it just pretended like or just refused to even discuss it in their willingness to bring it into the light has brought some real healing and see that's again again at the couple are the enemy.
Duane is is by not talking about it we can continue to have those those weathers the emotions of anger or sadness or confusion. Whatever.
I never, never be healed.
Never receive healing. I buy experience. Once we bring it into the light weathers this topic or anything else at the things that hurt us in the past and begin to discuss it and talk about it. Then we can ultimately receive healing from it in and put it to rest and and it doesn't eat at us for the rest of her life.
Does that make sense so I you know I command you want on being willing to talk about any and even bringing this topic up and edit it does hit close to home.
What I mean by that is I have actually experienced it. Just a couple years ago a friend of mine who who I had worked with closely.
Who would actually not only attended our camp in the past, but actually even came back and was on staff several times serving on staff that are camps and and he was going through some really emotional trials.
His whole family really honestly was under attack. In fact, he had a daughter and son, his daughter first battled was suicide. She was just a teenager and add your they tried to correct that with medications and a number of different things, and in fact I had him and his wife and her sitting in my living room on the couch. One night, just ministering to the family speaking into that and is kinda crazy really going because it it's like she would through prayer and some sense of medications and other things was able to can overcome that is like that spirit that demonic spirit jumped off her onto him. Next thing you know he's dealing with suicidal thoughts. He goes on medication and he told me through numerous conversations that the medication they had him on literally set on the label may give you suicidal thoughts like for real this was really Abby was in any said he could hardly sleep at night if at all because you have me constantly have the suicidal thoughts, and he started really to just mess with his minded and and ultimately ultimately took his life. Unfortunately, and in fact I talk to him literally the night before.
I was trying to convince him to come and bring his son to it to an event, a men's conference call the summit of that next day is like yeah I don't know all you know and then come to find out the next day kinda went missing and and and it took him several weeks to find him, but bad. If that's not enough then that we could demonic spirit jumps on his wife and son who both then made attempts at suicide, was crazy is like and what you the whole family will never yeah we yeah and and now now on a positive note, the good news is affected just recently talk to a friend of mine who who came across that the wife just recently and and and gave me a very good praise report that she's in a good place mentally, spiritually, helpfully health.
She's in a healthy place now, and as is the son of the daughter so that that is the good news, but it's so hot.
I have had this it goes to home as well and it so you know there are different there's different reasons why you know people make that decision and an interesting thing.
As you know I was. I was like what you what.
There's an example of the Bible write his name was Judas and and so I pulled up Matthew chapter 27 and very early in the morning. The leading priests and elders of the people met again delay plans for putting Jesus to death. They bound him let them away and took him to pilot the Roman governor when Judas, who had betrayed him. Realize that Jesus had been condemned to die. He was filled with remorse, so he took the 30 pieces of silver back to the leading priests and elders and," said this, I have sinned, he declared five betrayed an innocent man, and like the responses. What we care. You know they retorted that's that's your problem. Judas is as many who know the story Judas through the silver coins down in the temple went out and hanged himself. Here's an interesting thing about suicide.
I just recently heard the sexy forever. Billy Graham when he mentions made reference to suicide here thing about suicide is let me first preface by saying this we are clearly a three-part person. What I mean by that is if you look at first Thessalonians 523 it talks about being whole, W. H. OLE in spirit, soul and body being whole and spiritual box so clearly going to first Thessalonians 523 we are a three-part person as human beings we help you we are spirits we have a soul which also top comprised of three parts are mind or will and our emotions and we live in a physical body right electrical dirt suit. So were three-part person but here, something that had I don't know that perhaps is.
This will help you today and all of our listeners who maybe have either dealt with sit suicide or dealing with the thoughts of suicide right now is worth three by taking her own life. We really were only killing the body or spirit in our soul live on forever only killing our physical body and then you know all I would say this joint.
Only God knows for sure where the spirit and soul and upright for sure for sure, but that's the unfortunate side of of of suicide is is some he thinks you know woman in my life and for whatever reason everybody else is good be better off with me gone. I know that's what my body was thinking, but obviously we know it. Just as your own story, we know the after affects people like yourself who were angrier that were at one point sad or you came to really you kinda came to some closure is what I'm hearing you say when you went to the funeral right thoughts on any thoughts on that. While I agree. Does it get a little bit of clarity and he we see the body but we don't see soul right don't see what's behind and right but we don't know what we don't understand what they're thinking at the moment that they do it but we have.
We have to look at their oh are only killing the body's physical physical beads and so you know the hope would be to know. I know there's been others. The very famous coach Tony dodgy is been a number of stories you know that you know his son and I watched a video on on him talking about that and in his perspective, and we do know that that like like with my friend with the medication how it really just started messing up his psyche, messing up his mind. You know that I got money in my heart of hearts trust to believe that the decision my friend made years earlier to surrender his life to Jesus and beyond that path and and what I know of his story, the camp and then coming back to serve in knowing his family that you know when he made that decision.
You know that there is a piece in his spirit, but then mentally right mentally. He started struggling and having difficulties mentally and and ultimately you know the medication played a role anyway and and him taking his life and so so you know, we just have to trust and believe if we know somebody's background is some history that again got sorts all that out and it's unfortunate, but I am glad to hear that that you know over the years is you even mention you know it went from anger to sadness and really now to you said the happiness just just remembering some of the memories you had with him right over short. I don't remember the number and remember an angry time know brothers and friends do have a bad time but all we do remember our good times now and all I want to remember to forgive and forget on the front for real. And in that that helps. I think for you to bring healing to your heart by releasing it and letting it go.
Focusing on on the positive things in it and you know and just know up to your point.
It really to your question to you about about you why it's so hard for you people in general, but specifically, men you noted to overcome the depression that they know even anxiety and in suicide.
I think I'm at a point to not always blame it on on the enemy, but that there is an enemy of our soul who if if he can convince you that you know that it's not worth living. Go ahead and take your life. This is just not worth living than he certainly going to do that and then there's potential.
Other factors, you know, maybe things that happen in childhood or other things that can lead up to that person, ultimately making that decision right so well I and you know and I just want to say thank you for bringing up up the subject and I do want to say no to the listeners out there are me again if you know some minister there is there is help out there. I don't I don't have a suicide helpline to as far as a number to give today but I'll be seeking research at go online you know, look it up and I'm sure there are. You have seat, whether used somebody used to listen to your struggling again with yourself. We know it we know that those numbers have increased over the last 12 months. As far as depression, anxiety, people taking those medications now people battling with with all kinds of things including lockdowns and shutdowns and viruses and and everything else that there is help, there is help and hopefully my conversation with Duane today as prayer, perhaps helped you some and/or at least encouraged you to either seek help or if it's someone you know to reach out to that individual and try to get them help right no food for me will yeah work were were not alone where you know as much is as much as you want. Others use of the enemy tries to convince you. You are alone, you know that's part of his ploy to isolate separate make you think you're all alone in this. I just want to encourage everyone listen you are not alone in and and I just again just can't thank you enough for bringing up you know this topic to bring up the subject. Hopefully the way by talking about a little bit more today for you just brings that much more healing and and closure for you today for your friend never talk to anybody beside Roy promoter told even vocalized familial actually shivers on the spine because it quite well. You know what happened and now I'm a little bit better than I did back then well and on the lot last note I'll make again for a listers to you know you you said hey this is in and in a way this is helped me to just put it into words to share with someone else and and I so let's emphasize right wing that hey, don't keep this bottled up mean if you're struggling with this because maybe a family member or friend note committed suicide. Don't I want to say to you, don't keep it bottled up open up bring it into the light share with a loved want to share with a friend or share with your pastor. You know you your priest, your you know your rabbi share it with somebody and and and and I know even slow times like you did. You know when you email me just writing it down, put it on paper can also just help in that process of healing as well.
So again, if you're dealing with this out there man just were wary we were believing in you we we want to see you get some help or help you, your friend or family member find some help so Duane thank you thanks for being on questions and answers today and thank you again for just being such a loyal fan will thank you very much you think you produce what you're doing and thinking I'm not pumping the pork not regularly see on this depth of the process so we appreciate it as a fan well ahead and stay warm up there and MCAT all counted. What I follow you lots and lots of those post about all the snow falling and oh man, so stay warm up there.
My friend will break your RA will my love to the family and and God bless you my brother. I thanks Duane bye-bye this is the Truth Network. One of our generous sponsors here. The Truth Network has come under fire fire from the enemy fire for standing up for family values. Actually one of the biggest supporters of the movie unplanned. The talked about the horrors of abortion. Yes, it's Mike Lindell. You've heard me talk about his pillows for a long long time and no doubt big business is responding to Mike Lindell and all this generosity for causes for the kingdom by trying to shut down his business. You can't buy pillows at Kohl's anymore.
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