Healthy Marriages Start Here, Part 2

Gender confusion, debates about the sanctity of life, a sexual revolution that started in the 60s and continues to this day. These cultural battles have placed immense pressure on Christian couples to persevere. With so many distractions, it's a wonder that husbands and wives stay together.

So, what's the secret? How does God help us honor His masterful plan for families? Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll continues his brand new series called Restoring Your Family's Foundation. In this next portion of our study, we're looking at Genesis Chapter 2.

Chuck titled his message, Healthy Marriages Start Here. In this day of so much strange teaching and belief about subjects like this and similar subjects, these words sound almost strange to our ears. We never hear of them in the media. We never read of them in today's books or articles or from profs in classrooms or teachers even in high school. In fact, often there's cynicism that revolves around teaching like this. Forgive us, Father, for turning away from your original blueprint and rewriting the script and making a mess of life. Help us in the process of hearing what may sound strange to realize that we are encountering truth to live by. Help those thinking about marriage to consider seriously what you have said about it.

You should know that you originated it. Thank you for not leaving us out in the cold or in the dark, but setting forth principles to guide us in what will lead to strong and healthy marriages and families. May we hear very clearly what you have said, and may it ultimately make a difference in how we think and the way we live.

Help me in my marriage. Help us in my life. Help us to live the life as it ought to be lived. And thank you in advance, Lord, for your forgiveness when we fall short and when we make a mess of things in our lives. We give glory to Christ, our preeminent Lord. All hail the power of his name that angels prostrate fall. We crown him as Lord of all, not only in song but in our lives and hopefully in our homes and families. In his strong name, we come before you and we now bow in adoration and praise. Through Christ, we pray. Everybody said amen.

You're listening to Insight for Living. To study the Bible with Chuck Swindoll, be sure to download his Searching the Scriptures Studies by going to insight.org slash studies. And now the message from Chuck titled Healthy Marriages Start Here. In the second chapter of Genesis, we find the first detailed reference to the first man and the first woman as they are brought together in marriage. The very first things God said about marriage, he says in Genesis chapter 2 verses 18 to 25, most specifically in verses 24 and 25, where he looks ahead beyond the first marriage to the many, many millions of marriages that would take place in the centuries to come. Interestingly, for the very first time, something is set forth in Genesis that is not good. God evaluated man as he sees him alone, and he says it's not good that he remain alone.

And as a result, he not only declared that, he did something about it, obviously. He created one whom he first identified as man's helper. The word helper in the Hebrew means one who assists another to reach complete fulfillment. So she was sent to the first to reach complete fulfillment. So she was made for him to fulfill something missing. I call it bringing the pieces of the puzzles of his life, the puzzle of his life, that were missing and adding them so that there's completion.

And it's reciprocal. They add to one another's lives. She would provide the missing pieces. Each one would have distinct, unique roles to fill, just as God planned it. Each would need the other to find that fulfillment. Adam couldn't find it alone. That's why it wasn't good that he remain alone. I find in this passage of 24 and 25 no less than four essentials.

Let me point them out. These begin a healthy marriage. This explains why a man would leave father and mother. Obviously, Adam doesn't have either.

He's been created. But in the marriages to come, this would be the standing procedure for all marriages. There would have to be, to start with, severance.

Severance in leaving father and mother. I'll come back to each in a moment. Second, there's permanence. He will be joined to his wife. And she joined to him. Third, there's unity.

We read further. And the two are united into one remarkable statement. Two, I'll come back to this, but just for a moment, two completely different individuals, different in every way, joined as one. Different individuals, different in every way, joined as one in the marriage union.

So there's unity. And fourth, there is intimacy. Intimacy.

They were naked and there was no sense of shame. If you are in the category of one seeking marriage, or one engaged in it, I urge you to keep these four essentials in mind. Without them, your marriage will never work.

Never. They are essential for the survival of a happy, healthy, strong marriage. Let's take them one at a time.

First, severance. This is the first directive God gave the first couple. As you grow up, you find your security, your emotional strength, your protection from your mother and father. And that's essential for a healthy childhood.

Without it, you're not healthy. You sort of grow up on your own. And if you've done that, you know you know the fallout from that. But when you marry, you separate from that tight emotional tie that was essential to you during childhood and adolescence in order for the marriage to grow. And this doesn't mean we abandon our folks or we mistreat them or we cut them off of all relationship.

That's not what's meant by severance. It means we sever the emotional dependence we've had on them throughout our earlier years. It's a little bit too general to put it like this, but I'll say it. We don't need them any longer. We don't rely on them for our physical or financial or emotional or social strength. We're adults. We're moving toward maturity, and we're doing this with another individual in marriage.

The security, by now, has transferred to ourselves. And there is a sense of purpose and confidence we have on our own that we bring to the marriage. How easy to cling to parents. How easy for parents to cling to adult offspring. How easy to cling to parents. How easy for parents to cling to adult offspring.

To refuse to really let them go. I'll smile each time I go back to a little nursery rhyme that you learned as well. Oh, where have you been, Billy boy? Billy boy. Oh, where have you been, charming Billy? Well, I've been to seek a wife. She's the joy of my whole life. She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother. So you read all the way through that.

It's got a lot of verses in it. And you get toward the end, and the real question comes there where he's asked, how old would she be, Billy boy? Billy boy. How old would she be, charming Billy? Three times six, four times seven, 28 and 11. She's a young thing, cannot leave her mother. Wait a minute, do the math.

Three times six, 18, four times seven, 28, add another 28, and then 11. She's 85 years old. Your girlfriend is 85 years old. A young thing and cannot leave.

While I'm at it, Billy boy, you need to lose the nickname. You're not Billy boy if you're running around with an 85-year-old date. And by the way, wonder how old her mother was.

That's another thought that I've never heard addressed. She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother. You need another woman cannot leave her mother.

You need another woman to be running around with and cultivating a relationship with. I'm being facetious, obviously. If he's seeking a wife to be the joy of his whole life, he needs one able to leave her mother. By the way, don't answer out loud, have you? Have you left your father? I speak to people who are married here, not singles.

Your marriage won't work until you sever that clinging tie to her apron strings, to his wallet, to his counsel mainly, rather than your husband's, or to her advice, rather than your mom's. Gotta sever it. God says so. For this cause, a man will leave. Then there's permanence. In order for a marriage to be strong and to stay healthy, both husband and wife must be committed to each other in an irrevocable, unbreakable bond. In an irrevocable, unbreakable bond. See the word in your Bible, joined?

They will be joined together. The word means to glue in the Hebrew language. It means to bond. It's a permanent bond. You enter into a relationship with this individual like you do with no one else. It's a marriage to one other person. And it is a marriage forever. Don't ever sell short the statement that the vows include, till death do you part. There's no other relationship you pledge such a commitment to. Marriage? You do that.

I agree with the attorney who made the statement there are two processes that must never be entered into prematurely, embalming and divorce. He's right. I was impressed several years ago while I was watching a late night television talk show, and the guest was a handsome actor. He had done a number of films.

You would know his name immediately if I called it. And the host was having a little fun with him, and I'm sure was convinced the man was more playboy than anything. So he said to him, with one eyebrow raised, say, tell us what makes a great lover. And I, like everyone else viewing the show, expected the standard macho, playboy answer. But that's not what was said. I didn't take notes, but I relied on my memory as best I could. I was stunned honestly when I heard his answer.

It went something like this. A great lover is someone who can satisfy one woman all her life long, and who can be satisfied by that one woman all his life long. A great lover is not someone who goes from woman to woman to woman or man to man to man.

Any dog can do that. He's right. If you're not ready for that kind of permanence, please don't go to the altar. Please don't.

The kind of commitment that's needed is a permanent, lifelong commitment. People are sometimes surprised when they meet up with couples that have been married a long time. Cindy and I were having a little meal at a restaurant, sort of celebrating our 65th or 66th anniversary, I forget.

And Waiter came over. He said, well, anything special going on? I said, no, no, not really. Probably not the right words to use at that moment. But then I said, oh, Cynthia looked at me like, really? And I said, actually, this is our anniversary. Or he said, really?

Like, which one? I go, 65. 65? Frank, come here. I guess Frank ran the joint. So Frank jumped over there at our table and he said, 65 years? They looked at us like dinosaurs. You know, yeah, actually, it's what you do when you say I do. And one of the men said, we never see this. Now, obviously, he's served people that have been married that long and longer, but maybe wasn't aware of it.

His point is, how unusual. God says, you're to be joined, glued, bonded, regardless of what happens. Bonded. Well, you know, I'm not going to tell you the rest of what happens.

Bonded. Well, what about a terrible accident and one of them is paralyzed? In fact, I know a couple exactly like that, which is what happened. Early in their marriage, they were in a terrible auto accident. She was thrown from the car and paralyzed, pretty much from the waist down. Interestingly, when they were in the rehab, more than one physician said to the husband, come here. Why don't you walk down this hallway and walk out that door and never come back?

She'll never be able to perform as you long for her to do. What kind of counsel is that? As I recall, the man shared with them a piece of his mind. He really wasn't able to lose and he unloaded on the doc. I don't think the doc continued treating her because he saw the man as some kind of fool.

Fool? Does it say until a terrible accident does you part? Now, the partner may break the bond. That's another whole issue we'll not get into here. But if that bond is there and no one has come in between that bond, you're there.

You're there. So think. Think before you say, I do. This is serious stuff.

I know, I know a lot of stuff goes on, but this isn't about a lot of stuff. This is what God hears when you promise before him. Better that you not vow than that you vow and not keep it, says the scriptures. God takes our vows seriously. Which brings me to a union or unity. This gets even closer. Listen again to the statement God made to Adam.

A man shall leave his father and mother at severance and be joined to his wife. That's permanence. And the two are united into one is unity. Here's an amazing thought. Think about it. Two opposite genders, two completely different people.

Let me spell that out. Different childhoods. Different sets of parents.

Different heritages. Different temperaments. Different giftedness. Different history of struggles and scars. Different educational process in growing up. Different hurts and habits. Different IQs. Different DNAs. Different injuries and memories and secrets.

All different. Joined in one. A union. That's never set of a friendship. That's set of a marriage. That's unique. That's a marriage.

They're strong because they are in union with one another. After saying a few words, think of it. Two single syllable words. I do. Linked.

Linked up. And by the way, I've stood at that altar hundreds of times. I've never seen magic. No one has magically changed because they stood before a preacher or a justice of the peace. There's no magic in words.

This isn't about magic. You see, at the beginning of the marriage, adjustments begin. And all of those differences, some of those things you cannot change and you should not change.

But many of those things become blended into one because God sees you from then on as one. Chuck Swindoll titled today's message, Healthy Marriages Start Here. There's much more teaching ahead here on Insight for Living, so please stay with us throughout this brand new series called Restoring Your Family's Foundation.

If you'd like to learn more about this nonprofit ministry, be sure to visit us online at insightworld.org. This new study represents Chuck's decades of experience as a Bible teacher and pastor, but most notably, he offers a wealth of wisdom that comes from his role as a devoted husband, dad, grandfather and great grandfather. The world is changing and it'll keep changing.

That's no big revelation, but we can't stake our hope on idyllic dreams of yesteryear. Chuck invites us to embrace our future and to do so with the courage and confidence in God's unchanging word. And if you're looking for a book to help you fireproof your own marriage, let me recommend one of Chuck's classics. It's called Marriage from Surviving to Thriving. Whether you're newly married or a veteran in marriage, we believe the biblical principles in this book will help you. To purchase Chuck Swindoll's book, Marriage from Surviving to Thriving, call us.

If you're listening in the United States, call 800-772-8888 or go online to insight.org slash store. Remember, Insight for Living is made possible through the generosity of grateful friends like you. And when you give today, you can be sure your contributions will help some unsuspecting person who's listening to this program hoping to find biblical help. Let me tell you about a recent note we received that said, Pastor Chuck, I'm 58 years old.

In the 1990s, when I was raising my children, I found myself in a troubled marriage. Your sermons and books gave me hope and strength and helped build my foundation of faith. And she adds, thank you, thank you, thank you. You know, in many respects, your gift to Insight for Living makes moments like these possible. To give a donation today, call us.

If you're listening in the United States, call 800-772-8888, or you can also give online at insight.org slash donate. Treat yourself to a vacation you'll never forget. On the Inside for Living Ministries Cruise to the Great Frontier with Chuck Swindoll. Honestly, I had no idea that a cruise to Alaska could be so much fun. And without a doubt, the stunning views took my breath away. God's artistic genius is on full display in Alaska. In fact, I guarantee this, you'll come home refreshed and filled with awe for his majestic creation. Yeah, at one point, our ship was getting chased by dolphins.

They were playing and spinning in the waves. It was amazing. You'll have plenty of time for adventures on shore, lingering conversations around mealtime, and strolling through the idyllic ports of call. You'll be a part of some of the best parts of our day, laughing, singing, and celebrating our God. Plan to come with us, won't you?

The dates are July 1st through July 8th, 2023. To learn more, call 1-888-447-0444. That's 1-888-447-0444, or visit insight.org slash events.

The tour to Alaska is paid for and made possible by only those who choose to attend. I'm Bill Meyer. Join us next time when Chuck Swindoll continues his message called Healthy Marriages Start Here on Insight for Living.